A Hard Knock Life
by StartWhereYouAreUseWhatYouHave
Summary: Jess fostering a teenage boy, and everything that entails. Set shortly after the revival.
1. Chapter 1 - Shitty Attitudes & Reasons

**Chapter 1 Notes:** Here's the first chapter of a story idea that's been rolling around in my head for a while. I don't want to give too much away, but this is set shortly after the Year in the Life revival. It will take place in Philadelphia and Stars Hollow. Like most of my stories it will be Jess-centric, but it will include large amounts of Luke, along with some Lorelai, Rory and April and possibly some other townspeople. Between grad school and work, I won't be able to keep up with weekly updates for this one, but this idea wouldn't leave me alone so I wanted to start writing it. Please let me know if this feels like a story that you would have interest in reading. The first chapter is a bit slow, but I wanted to set the scene. There will be more dialogue in future chapters.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

This wasn't it. He could tell at first sight. It wasn't going to work. This guy was all wrong. From the fitted tee-shirt showing off all the hours he spent working on his arms at the gym, to his strategically tousled long hair, his carefully careless-looking facial hair, and the huge, pretentious bookcase, teeming with books, that filled almost an entire wall of the apartment. The more he watched and listened to this guy, the more obvious it was. This guy wasn't looking to be a dad or find a kid to love. The guy was already in love with his own self-image. He should have just stayed at the last group home. It hadn't been bad there, and he wouldn't have had to switch schools that way. Again. And the result would have been the same. Him, on his own, alone in the world in every way that mattered. Again. He knew this was his last chance. He would turn eighteen in less than four months. He was disappointed at having been cheated out of something he wanted so much, but he also felt ridiculous for being stupid enough to have believed this could be it. That he could have lucked into a forever family in the eleventh hour.

He already knew in the car on the drive over, when Ms. Garcia had told him what to expect. A single man. Early thirties. First time foster parent. Worked in publishing. Lived in an apartment in Philadelphia. None of that was in line with his experience of families who wanted to adopt. Your odds were better if there were two parents. If they lived in a house outside the city. If they were age appropriate, meaning in their forties or fifties for him, and they had exhausted all other avenues of starting a family. This guy was too young to ever see him as a son. He wouldn't want to be a dad to a seventeen-year-old. Whatever his reasons for doing this, they were likely self-serving. Maybe this guy envisioned himself as some kind of do-gooding saint. Maybe he thought having a foster child would impress women. Whatever the guy's deal was, this wasn't it. He felt the disappointment turning his stomach. He wanted to cry. He always got emotional at the start of a new placement, but he had gotten much better at not showing it over the years. It always felt like a kick-in-the-teeth reminder of how alone he was. Meeting another stranger, sometimes a whole family of strangers, and knowing that the odds got lower each time that he would fit in and be accepted into their family. That he would have someone to hold onto for the rest of his life.

"Jeremy?" Ms. Garcia was looking at him now. He had missed something.

"Sorry. What?"

She smiled at him gently, her brown eyes warm with encouragement. She knew this was hard for him. She knew how much he still wanted a family, even though all the other kids his age that he knew in the system had given up trying years ago. She was the only one who didn't think he was pathetic for hanging on to the hope. "I asked if you're ok with me leaving now. Are you ready?"

He couldn't count all the times she had asked him that same question over the past twelve years. He knew he had been in ten different placements, some weeks and some years, but he couldn't remember them all. He returned the smile, trying to hide his disappointment. She had always been nice to him, and she had kept looking for placements with resource families for him long after the odds for adoption had turned against him. He didn't want to make her day harder. "Uh, yeah, I'm good. Thanks, Ms. Garcia."

"All right then, sweetie. You be good. I'll be back to see you next month." She squeezed his shoulder as she rose from her seat at the table. "Ok, Jeremy?"

He nodded wordlessly, small smile still on his lips. He watched the guy walk her to the door. Heard them exchange a few words about next month's check in. Ms. Garcia told the guy to call her if he needed anything. She waved at Jeremy and called out a goodbye before the apartment door closed behind her. Jeremy listened to the click of her heels receding as she descended the staircase. Then the guy was walking back to the table, standing beside it hesitantly, as if he was unsure whether he should sit down again or not. He took a half-step toward the chair the social worker had just vacated, the one closest to Jeremy, then changed course and pulled out the chair he had been sitting in before Ms. Garcia left. The one across the table. He sat down and leaned in, resting his forearms on the table, folding his hands together and looking very earnest, if still somewhat nervous.

"So, I think we should probably go over a few things. Just so we both know what to expect from each other, since this is a new situation for us. Well, for me anyway." The guy paused. "So, uh, you can just call me Jess. You probably would have guessed that anyway, but I didn't want you to think you had to call me Mr. Mariano like Ms. Garcia kept doing. That was uncomfortably formal. I'm not sure I've ever been called Mr. Mariano that many times in my own home before." He laughed lightly, the sound hollow and nervous to Jeremy's ears. "And, uh, I don't have a lot of rules or anything. But, since I am responsible for you, I need to know where you are. I need you to tell me where you're going whenever you leave the apartment. And who you're with and when you'll be back. All the standard stuff." He paused. "And you need to go to school. And do your homework. And pass your classes and all that."

Jeremy knew he was staring at this guy blankly. Go to school? Pass his classes? This conversation was ridiculous. He should have stayed at the group home. This guy was a joke. How the hell did he pass the class to become a resource parent?

"I think that's all I've got. That's not too bad is it?" The guy smiled broadly at Jeremy, who was about to shake his head in agreement, when the guy had another thought. "Oh, uh, maybe one more thing." Jeremy could tell from his pleased expression that the guy thought that whatever he was about to say was particularly witty. "I'm really into words and I absolutely hate the word 'whatever' as an answer to anything. As in, hey, Jeremy, do you want to go out for dinner tonight? Whatever, Jess. Or hey, Jeremy, how was school today? Whatever, Jess. You catch my drift?" Jeremy didn't nod. The guy laughed lightly to fill the awkward space. "It's a little pet peeve of mine, and I think we'll communicate a lot better if we use our words instead of whatever'ing each other all the time." The guy quirked one side of his mouth up in a half-smirk. "What do you think? Does that sound all right to you?"

This was the kind of guy who saw himself as charming and interesting. Whatever the reason he decided to foster, it was definitely about him. Jeremy felt a fresh wave of disappointment, this time tinged with anger at how unfair his life was. Something in his chest constricted. He made sure to maintain steady eye contact. "Yeah, Mr. Mariano. Whatever."

Jeremy watched the guy's expression shift, the tightening of his mouth as the smile disappeared and the barely perceptible hardening of his eyes. He knew he had already wrecked things, but it felt better that way. Easier. He would ride out his time here, until he graduated high school or was sent back to the group home, but he wouldn't get close. He wouldn't get his hopes up. For once, he would protect himself.

The guy sighed and looked down at the table in front of his hands. When he looked back up, his eyes had softened, and Jeremy found unexpected compassion there. But, it was too late. Jeremy knew first impressions mattered and he had ruined his. The thing foster parents hated most, especially the ones who were in it to prove what good people they were, was personal rejection from the ungrateful kid they were trying to help. It all suddenly felt like too much. All the past foster families he had let himself become attached to who hadn't wanted to keep him. All the years spent trying to convince other people that he was loveable and helpful and worth keeping. A lifetime lived with the stress of constantly auditioning for the role of 'son' and 'brother' and never landing the part. The idea of aging out of the system alone weighed heavily on him, his future looming before him, scary and uncertain. His last chance to have a family was here, but it was all wrong. And it didn't matter anyhow, because it was over before it had even started. In a mortified panic, he felt tears burning in his eyes and worked to force them back. When the guy spoke again, it was with more kindness than he expected. And it was more than he could take. "Look, Jeremy, I don't want us to get off on the wrong foot here. I'm sorry, if I-"

To his horror, Jeremy started to cry then. He didn't scrunch up his face or openly sob. He didn't make a sound as the tears ran down his face in a steady stream. He wiped furiously at his eyes and cheeks with his sleeves and the backs of his hands, feeling betrayed by his own emotions. He never did this. He was stronger than this. He lowered his head in shame to compose himself, and he started to panic for real when he couldn't stop his tears. He felt trapped and exposed. He hadn't even been shown his room yet and had no place to turn for privacy. He couldn't remember the last time he had cried like this in front of someone else. Most of his crying in the last few years had been done in private. Lying in bed, in the middle of a sleepless night, the feeling of being utterly alone in the world too much to bear, crushing him body and soul with its intensity, and forcing silent tears from his eyes.

"Hey…hey, c'mon." The concern he heard in the guy's voice only made Jeremy's tears come quicker. He felt humiliated. For acting like an asshole and giving the guy attitude when he hadn't even done anything wrong, other than not being who Jeremy had wanted him to be. And now for crying like an idiot, like a pathetic little kid. He rested his elbows on the table and hid his face behind his hands, fingers cupped on either side of his eyes, trying to hide himself, wanting to disappear. He heard the short scrape of a chair moving on the floor, then another. Then he felt the guy sitting next to him and a warm hand gently rubbing his back between his shoulder blades. "It's ok, Jeremy. I'm sorry if I upset you."

Jeremy shook his head side to side. Nothing was ok. Everything felt hopeless. He couldn't have made a worse impression if he had tried. This guy didn't sign on for some pathetic teenager having a breakdown at his kitchen table. No wonder no one had ever wanted to keep him.

"I know this has to be really tough for you. Moving in with a stranger like this. Uprooting your life and leaving your friends for your senior year." Jeremy listened as the guy spoke in a soft, careful voice. "I really want you to feel welcome here. I'm sorry we got off to a rough start. I didn't mean to upset you."

Jeremy could feel the tears slowing as he wiped at his eyes. He kept his head down even though the tears were stopping. He wiped away the last traces of wetness with his sleeve. He was too ashamed to look up. "I'm sorry." He said, his voice soft and full of hurt. He felt like a loser. Like a five-year old. He couldn't believe he had just melted down in front of this guy like that.

The hand momentarily paused on his back, and Jeremy braced himself to be spoken to sternly, reprimanded for his shitty attitude, before it resumed rubbing small, gentle circles. "Thank you. I appreciate that." The hand moved to his shoulder, squeezing gently, encouragingly, before it pulled back. Jeremy instantly missed the contact, but he instinctively knew what was expected of him. He gave his eyes one last swipe with his sleeve and sat up in his chair, his face flushed from crying and shame. He looked at his new foster father and was met with a soft smile.

"So, how about if we put the last twenty minutes or so behind us, and start fresh? I'm really glad you're here. I want you to know that." The guy, Jess, was smiling so warmly at him that Jeremy let himself believe it was true, no matter how unlikely it seemed.

Jeremy nodded slowly. "Ok." He tried to return the smile, but his own felt weak and inadequate in comparison, so he gave it up. "I'm sorry for what I said. I don't even know why I said it. I'm not really like that."

Jess shrugged. "It's ok, Jeremy. Really. We've all said things we've regretted later. And, I need you to know that I wasn't mad at you. I mean, I was annoyed that you were fuck-, uh deliberately messing with me." Jess smiled slightly at his own slip-up. "But I wasn't angry. I was more frustrated than anything. And even if I had been angry, or if I do get angry, I'm not going to do anything to you, ok? You don't need to worry about me hurting you or anything like that. I would never do that. I want you to know that. I don't even yell, I swear. I want you to know that you're safe here."

Jeremy took in the concern in Jess' eyes and accepted the statement for what it was intended to be, a caring reassurance. It wasn't Jess' fault that it didn't come close to addressing Jeremy's actual concerns. One of the things he always hated about starting in a new placement, was losing another piece of his past. He had learned a long time ago, that it was too exhausting to try to catch a new foster parent up on what his life had been like before he had met them. Exhausting and impossible. And pointless, since many of them didn't care about the details of his life before he had entered theirs.

He just nodded at Jess and did his best to look sincere about wanting to get along.

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Jess laid in bed that night thinking. He had given up on the book he had been trying to read, his mind too preoccupied with what he had gotten himself into to concentrate on anything else. He wasn't ready for this. He had made the kid cry within minutes of becoming his foster parent. That couldn't be a good sign. He had felt terrible about how scared and freaked out the kid had looked when he thought he had pissed Jess off. Like he had expected Jess to yell or smack him around for a few measly syllables of attitude. He hadn't enjoyed watching Jeremy cry, but he had been relieved when the kid had immediately backed down from the tough guy act. Jess could only imagine how much worse this situation would be if the boy had remained openly defiant. He hoped he had convinced the kid he wasn't an asshole, that he would treat him right, but he wasn't sure. The kid hadn't wanted much to do with him after their initial conversation. He hadn't been rude or anything, just said he had already eaten dinner when Jess had offered to make him something. He claimed he was tired and wanted to turn in early, but Jess had seen the light in his room spilling out under the door for a couple of hours after he had closed himself in there. He knew it was natural for the kid to want space his first night in a strange apartment with a strange man, but he still couldn't help feeling like he was being rejected. He hoped he hadn't already ruined things.

He thought about showing Jeremy to his bedroom, the one that had clearly been designed for a younger child. The cartoon dogs on the sheets. The Walter Dean Myers and Chris Crutcher novels lined up in the small bookcase. The colorful decals of trees and animals that transformed one wall of the room into what Jess had thought a ten or twelve-year old would see as a pretty cool jungle. He had been embarrassed by the room when he had seen it through Jeremy's eyes, knowing the impression it must have made on him. That he wasn't wanted. That he was too old. A poor substitute for the much younger boy whose arrival had been prepared for and anticipated. Jess had told him that they could fix up the room however Jeremy wanted. Take down the decals. Buy new bedding. Put up posters if Jeremy wanted them. And Jeremy was free to help himself to anything on Jess' bookshelf if he needed something to read. Jeremy had been gracious about it. Said it was fine. That the room was great. He'd lived in worse. And he liked dogs, he didn't mind the sheets. But, Jess knew some damage had been done. He should have kept the room more neutral. He knew he wasn't guaranteed the age group he had requested. But, seventeen? It felt ridiculous. He was only thirty-three. How was he supposed to be a parent to a seventeen-year old?

He suddenly felt foolish for going through with becoming a foster parent on his own. He let himself think about Charisse, knowing as soon as he opened that door that it would be a rough night. He knew he would never have become a foster parent, would never have even entertained the idea, if it hadn't been for her influence at the beginning, and then her, what…complete lack of faith in him at the end? Was it even fair to call it that? They had been together for four years, lived together for three. She had always wanted to foster and eventually adopt. She had been upfront about that from the beginning. And, Jess could admit now that in the early days of their relationship, he figured that they either wouldn't last or that she would change her mind and decide she wanted a baby of her own instead. He hadn't been too worried about it. During their third year together, she had started pushing for forward progress. Jess loved her. He didn't want to lose her. He agreed to become a foster parent. He could still picture the smile on her face when he had finally agreed. The love in her brown eyes when she pulled him into a kiss. She admitted that she hadn't been sure he would ever get on board with the idea. And that she loved him so much, and she was so happy that he wanted to do this with her, start a family together. It was going to great, he'd see.

Over the next year, they began a long and sometimes frustrating relationship with the Department of Child and Family Services. They moved into a two-bedroom apartment and watched their money more vigilantly to afford the higher rent. They filled out the comprehensive application for prospective resource parents that needed to be filed with the county. Then the one that needed to be filed with the state. They wrote a letter on why they wanted to be foster parents. They got letters of recommendation, his from his uncle Luke and from Chris at Truncheon, hers from her sister and the principal at the elementary school she taught at. They got finger printed and interviewed by social workers. They had home inspections, from both the county and the state. They spent five Saturdays in a row in a hot classroom on a community college campus taking the classes to become resource parents, another Saturday at the Red Cross getting certified in CPR. They fixed up the room down the hall. They went to bed each night, one day closer to their shared goal, whispering about what it would be like to have a child, anticipating family outings, trips to the zoo, the natural history museum, throwing a ball around in the park, teaching their little person to ride a bike, reading bedtime stories, sharing themselves and loving another person, being a family.

Those scenes played over in Jess' head. He knew there had been some nights like that, full of hope and excitement. He hadn't made them up. They just hadn't been the norm. He was getting good at only seeing what he wanted when he looked back, the happy parts of the last year he had spent with Charisse, the start of his journey toward parenthood. When he let himself look closer at the details, he could see Charisse growing frustrated with him. Could hear the recriminations in her words, and he knew now that he couldn't deny any of her charges, even though he had tried at the time. He saw himself scribbling down answers to a homework assignment at the last minute as she drove them to class because he had had a crazy week at work and hadn't prioritized this process. He thought about how he had held off telling his people until the last possible moment, not asking Luke and Chris for letters of recommendations until right before the application had to be turned in. He remembered Charisse overhearing him on the phone with Luke, telling his uncle that he didn't want to talk about the 'foster care thing', that he was tired of thinking about it. He knew even with Charisse, he had evaded more conversations than he had had about the process, the child, their future family. He pictured Charisse handling both home inspections on her own, even though she had had to use sick days while he had a flexible work schedule. He hadn't been fully engaged, or 'all in' as Luke liked to say. He had had one foot outside the door the whole time, just in case.

He pictured Charisse telling him that she had cried as she decorated the room down the hall by herself after he had begged off another request to do it together. She had told him later that that had been the breaking point for her, when she finally admitted to herself that what they were doing wasn't going to work. She knew that things wouldn't have been that way, with her setting up the child's room by herself while he went to the gym, if this was something his heart was really into. She felt like she was already doing this on her own and they didn't even have the child yet. If she wasn't going to get the support she wanted from him, she might as well be alone for real and go into this thing as a single parent. She had no illusions that everything wouldn't be hard enough without trying to drag another person along with her when he clearly wasn't interested. She didn't think he was ready to be a parent, and that maybe he wasn't cut out to adopt at all. She had wanted this so badly, and with him, that she had convinced herself that he was ready, but he wasn't. She knew that now. She had overlooked his selfishness, and his constant need to have things his way and on his schedule. She wished he had been honest with her from the start, and that they both hadn't wasted so much time. She wished she had been honest with herself about him, too. She wanted so much to foster a child and be a mom to a kid who needed a home. She had always seen herself doing that, even when she had been a kid herself, she had already seen it as her calling. But, she had come to the realization that she no longer wanted to do it with Jess. She had stayed with a friend for the following two weeks, until school let out. He could still feel her in his arms as they held each and cried before they loaded the final boxes into her car and said goodbye. He had offered to let her keep the apartment, but she had turned him down. She was moving back to Baltimore to stay with her sister for the summer and regroup.

He had loved Charisse, still did if he was being honest with himself. And the breakup still hurt. He often found himself dwelling on the reasons she had given for ending things, his selfishness, his need to have things his way. And while he wasn't sure he could refute the accusations, he hadn't liked hearing them from someone he had been so close to and who had known him so well. After the breakup, he had been left with the task of explaining that they wouldn't be moving forward with fostering when the social worker called to follow up. Ms. Garcia had been understanding. She told him to take all the time he needed. That it was wise to give himself some time to grieve his relationship before moving forward with the process. To give her a call when he was ready to start again. That the only change he would need to make would be to resubmit a few pages of his application as a solo candidate. He had started to tell her that Charisse had been the driving force here, that he had no interest in moving forward in the process without her. Ever. But, something had held him back. Instead, the idea of fostering as a single parent had lurked in the back of his mind all summer. The idea surfaced when he broke the news to Chris and Matthew, who were both in long-term relationships and had had babies within the last couple of years, and they had each expressed their sympathy at the loss of Charisse before asking if Jess was relieved about getting out of the whole foster care thing. They had never really been able to picture him doing it. The idea gained mental traction when he had gone back to Stars Hollow over fourth of July weekend and talked to Luke about the breakup. Luke had hugged him and told him how sorry he was to hear that, reassuring him that someday he would find someone who wouldn't ask him for more than he could give. Jess had averted his eyes from his uncle as he absorbed that blow.

Jess liked to think that he had spent that summer thinking about all the kids in foster care who needed a loving parent to take care of them, a positive male role model to help them grow up, someone, anyone, who cared and could make this very difficult time in their lives a little easier. That he had reflected on his own situation, unwanted by his mother at seventeen, his father nowhere to be found, knowing that Luke's being there for him had saved him in so many ways that he wanted to pay that forward to some other kid in need of a safe place to live, a roof over their head and some parental attention and affection. Those reasons had to have played into his decision to call Ms. Garcia that August, to resubmit his paperwork with a new stipulation that the child be a boy and old enough to meet all his bathroom needs independently and not need a babysitter if Jess needed to run out for an hour or so. At least he hoped they had. He was comfortable with those reasons. They were solid and responsible, dripping with compassion and the desire to do good. He was not an expert on this, but he had the deep down feeling that fostering a child just to prove that he was the kind of person who could was a pretty shitty reason.

As soon as Jess switched off the lamp on his bedside table, he remembered the pattern of glow in the dark stars that Charisse had painstakingly affixed to the ceiling in Jeremy's room in the shape of real constellations and sighed. He really needed to do something about that bedroom.

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Jess dragged himself out of bed the following morning. He was usually an early riser, often hitting the gym or going for a run before work, but he had had trouble falling asleep the night before. Remembering what had kept him up, tossing and turning with worry, jolted him back to the reality of the teenage boy living in the room down the hall. He grabbed his phone off his nightstand and checked the time, 8:47. Shit, it was late. Chris and Matthew wouldn't care if he rolled into the office late, but he hadn't wanted Jeremy to wake up to an empty apartment. He should have been up first, making the kid breakfast, like a good host. He corrected that thought, like a good parent. He put on a pair of sweatpants over his boxers and pulled a tee-shirt on over his head. It was early September and the weather was still hot and sticky with humidity. He had gotten into the habit of sleeping in just his boxers, but he would have to remember to at least wear a tee-shirt too, from now on in case he needed to get up in the middle of the night for an emergency or if Jeremy needed something.

Jess walked into the living room and saw no sign of Jeremy. The boy had been careful about taking all his baggage into his bedroom with him the night before, all being one backpack and one large black trash bag full of his things. Jess had made a mental note to buy the kid a duffel bag or something. The garbage bag had depressed him. Jess walked back down the hall past his own room to Jeremy's. The door was ajar. The kid must have gotten up during the night and not closed it all the way. He was surprised he hadn't heard Jeremy walking around since he had spent most of the night awake in his own bed. He peeked through the opening in the door, not wanting to knock if the kid was still sleeping. It was Friday. He figured he would let the kid take the day off to get settled in and then enroll him in school on Monday. Making him start on a Friday just seemed mean. And, it was a moot point now, since they had slept in and likely missed school anyway. Jess paused in thought, realizing he didn't know what time school started. He would need to look that up before Monday. He had a couple of things he had to do at the office this morning, but he was thinking he could duck out early and spend the afternoon showing the kid around. Jess pushed the door open a little wider to get a view of the bed. It sat neatly made in the empty room.

His heart thumped in his chest. Shit. Had the kid run off? He remembered hearing about runaway foster kids in class. Was he supposed to call the police? Or his social worker? He vaguely recalled something about an emergency DCFS hotline that he was supposed to call to report a runaway. He wished he had paid more attention in class and taken actual notes. He needed to find his information binder. He hurried into the kitchen and stopped short at the kitchen table, grabbing up the folded piece of paper with his name on it. He paused before opening it, grateful the kid had left him a dear john letter but not looking forward to reading the kid's reasons for running away. Had Jess made that awful of an impression in one night? Was Jeremy going to reiterate Charisse's points that he wasn't the right type of person to take care of a child, that it didn't feel like his heart was in it? Could Jeremy have seen that already?

Jess unfolded the paper and read the small, neat printing: Good morning Jess, I didn't want to wake you, but I wanted to tell you that I went to school. I'll lock the door behind me when I leave, but I don't have a key and won't be able to get back in. I'll get out of school around 2:30, so I'll just wait out front until you get home. Jeremy.

Jess' instant relief was quickly supplanted by harsh self-criticism. What kind of parent oversleeps on their kid's first day at a new school and makes him enroll himself? Even Liz had managed to get Jess enrolled in a new school whenever they had moved school districts. How had he messed this up so badly already? He should have asked Jeremy when he wanted to start, instead of assuming that the kid cared about school as little as Jess had at his age. He should have given him a key. And money. Shit. How would he even eat lunch? He hoped the kid had money on him. But, what if he didn't? Was Jess supposed to go to the school and bring him a packed lunch in case he didn't have money? Or was that just something that parents did on TV? Would that make things worse? He stared at the note. He decided to believe that Jeremy knew what he was doing and had lunch money on him. He looked around the kitchen, hoping the kid had at least grabbed something for breakfast or taken something with him. He pulled open the door to the cabinet where he kept ready to eat snacks, like nuts and protein bars, but it didn't look like anything was missing. He checked the fridge, then the fruit bowl on the counter for a missing banana, but all were accounted for with two left, as there should be on Friday. He ate one every morning and then went grocery shopping on Saturday. Shit.

Jess put the note back down on the table with a sigh and headed to the bathroom to shower, feeling like a failure on his first day as a foster parent. He figured he couldn't do anything to help the situation for the moment, so he might as well put in a few hours at work. He would still leave early, Chris and Matthew wouldn't mind, and he would make damned sure to be the one sitting out front waiting for Jeremy at 2:30.


	2. Chapter 2- What Goes Around Comes Around

**Chapter 2 Notes:** Ok, so I got this second chapter up much quicker than I expected. The ideas wouldn't leave me alone to study so I figured I should just get them all down first so I can free up my little brain to cram for my midterm exam this week. I probably won't get the next chapter up for a couple of weeks. Thanks so much to everyone who has reviewed or followed this story so far. It's always fun to see familiar names in the reviews when I start a new story. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls. Also, the parts of the story that are related to school and social service agencies are all based on the DCFS agency that I am involved with in my little corner of the world. I do not have any specific knowledge of how the foster care system works in Philadelphia or Pennsylvania in general.

 **Trigger Warning:** Brief mention of past domestic violence.

Jeremy walked slowly back toward Jess' apartment. He had made sure to note the address and the path he had taken all day and was being careful to retrace his route. He actually liked this part of a new placement, walking around a new neighborhood, with new places to see and new people to watch. What he hadn't enjoyed so much had been the rejection he had received at the high school. The woman in the front office had explained that as a minor, he would only be allowed to enroll himself in school without a parent or guardian's permission if he were homeless or had been emancipated. Otherwise, it would create a liability issue for the school. He had explained that he was in foster care, but that his foster parent hadn't been available to come with him this morning and he didn't want to miss any more school than he had to. She had praised his initiative toward his education and told him to wait at the counter for a moment.

She had returned a few minutes later accompanied by a woman in her mid-thirties with shoulder length brown hair and dark-framed glasses who she introduced as Ms. Lintz, one of the school's counselors. Ms. Lintz asked if Jeremy would mind talking to her for a few minutes. He had followed her into her office, perched nervously on the green couch across from her chair and answered her questions. The conversation had started out harmless enough as the woman had explained to Jeremy what her role at the school was and asked about Jeremy's experience at his old school, what subjects he liked, what he liked to do when he wasn't in school, that kind of thing. He had felt a knot tightening in the pit of his stomach as her questions veered toward whether things were ok at his new foster home. They didn't see a lot of kids who tried to enroll themselves and she wanted to make sure everything was all right and that he was getting the support he needed at home. He tried to stay calm as he answered as carefully as possible. He had admitted when pressed that his foster father hadn't woken up in time to take him to school and Jeremy hadn't wanted to disturb him. No, he hadn't seen Jess have anything to drink last night. He figured the guy was probably just tired. He had wanted to take care of this himself and not be a burden to Jess. No, Jess didn't treat him like he was a burden, he just worried about being one anyway. He lied when asked about breakfast, saying he had grabbed a banana on his way out the door. He had emphasized that even though he had just met Jess, he thought he seemed like a good guy.

The counselor had ultimately been satisfied with his answers and walked him to the door, telling him to come back with his foster father on Monday and there shouldn't be a problem in getting him enrolled. She shook his hand with a warm smile on her face, telling him that she looked forward to seeing him again and for him to feel free to seek her out if he found himself having problems at school or at home, or if he just needed someone to talk to. He had thanked her and left quickly.

He had wandered after that, knowing Jess wouldn't be expecting him back until around 2:30. He had walked through a park and stopped for a while, sitting on a bench and watching the ducks in the small pond while he reflected on his situation. He hoped he hadn't made things worse today. The knot in his stomach had snowballed with dread since he had left the school. He knew how precarious things could be in foster care. He really hoped he hadn't set anything in motion today by talking to that counselor. He hadn't liked how suspicious she had seemed about him just trying to go to school. He really hoped this didn't come back to bite him. He had wanted to show Jess that he could take care of himself. That he wasn't a little kid who needed his hand held. That he wouldn't be a hassle to have around. He wanted to redeem himself for last night. Instead he felt like he had come dangerously close to getting Jess reported to DCFS for neglect on his second day ever as a resource parent. He didn't picture that going over too well. He decided to look around for a job and then head back to Jess'. He knew that Jess probably wouldn't get out of work until five or six, but he wanted to make sure he was waiting out front by 2:30 anyway since that's what he had told Jess in his note. He needed to be extra careful not to do anything wrong, especially at the beginning, and especially after his behavior the night before.

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Jeremy was tired and hungry as he trudged up the street toward Jess' building that afternoon. He had only had a few bucks on him and had used them to buy a bag of chips and a soda at a convenience store around noon when he was taking a break from picking up job applications. He had realized at the first place he had gone into that he would have to take them back to Jess' to fill out and then bring them back. Even though he had made note of Jess' address, he realized as he sat down to complete the first one, that he had no clue what Jess' phone number was. He wished he really had grabbed a banana on his way out the door, as he thought about how hungry he was and how it could still be a few hours until Jess came home from work and let him into the apartment. At the beginning of a placement he liked to follow the policy of only eating when food was offered to him to avoid any awkward situations or trouble, but Jess honestly didn't strike him as someone who would mind if Jeremy had grabbed something for breakfast on his own. When he left he had been counting on the free lunch program at school to make it through the day, knowing his status as a foster child qualified him.

As he approached Jess' building, he saw the side of a jean covered leg extending from the stoop, bent at a right angle, above that his foster father's dark hair fell forward blocking most of the man's profile from view as he looked down at the open book in his hand. Jeremy, still unseen, stopped short about ten feet away. He didn't like surprises. He had wanted more time to think about how to explain what had happened at the school that morning without looking like a dumb kid or a useless failure.

Jess looked up and to his right, then, as if he could feel that he was being studied. "Jeremy, hey! There you are." The smile that broke across Jess' face looked genuine as he set down his book on the step beside him.

Jeremy took a few steps toward the stoop, almost closing the gap between them and said the first thing that he thought of, a knee-jerk self-defense reaction. "I left a note."

"What?" Jess laughed lightly. "Yeah, I know you did. Thank you for that. I always appreciate a good note." He smiled at Jeremy like he was happy to see him, and Jeremy wasn't sure what to make of it. He stood awkwardly, nervous energy making him fidget with the shoulder strap of his almost empty backpack. "Can you come sit down for a few minutes? I want to talk to you."

Jeremy nodded and sat down, a couple of feet from Jess and one step lower than where he was sitting. He knew he should say something, but he couldn't think of anything to say. He was painfully introverted by nature and though being verbal didn't come easy to him, he knew that many adults judged a quiet teenager as being sullen or standoffish. He angled himself sideways on the step so that he was at least looking up at Jess.

"Did you have lunch? Did you get to eat at school?"

Jeremy shook his head, then remembered to verbalize his answer. "No, I haven't had lunch."

"Well, that's no good." Jess turned away from Jeremy and reached down to the step on his other side. He turned back with full hands and a warm smile, shrugging slightly. "I didn't know what you liked, but I figured you'd be pretty starving when you got home. I know I always was after high school even on the days when I actually ate lunch." He held out a bottle of lemonade in one hand and a white paper bag with a pretzel logo on the front in the other. "Is this ok?"

"Yeah, definitely. Thank you." Jeremy gratefully accepted the offerings, setting the bag down, uncapping the lemonade and taking a long sip, feeling the instant rush of sugar in his bloodstream, reviving him.

Jess gave him a few moments to take out his pretzel and choose a dipping sauce. Jess had brought a few choices, not knowing what Jeremy preferred on his pretzel. "So, uh, I was a pretty shitty foster dad today and I'm sorry for that. I should have gotten up early, made you breakfast and gone with you to enroll in school. I'm sorry you had to do that by yourself."

Jeremy finished chewing a salty bite of pretzel. "It's ok. They didn't let me enroll anyway. They said I needed to have a parent or guardian there to sign the forms since I'm still a minor. So, could you maybe come with me on Monday to get me registered and stuff?"

"Yes, absolutely! I'm there!" Jess smiled enthusiastically as if he were getting a second chance to do something he really wanted to do but was afraid he had missed out on. "And I swear, Jeremy, I don't usually sleep in like that. I had trouble getting to sleep last night, and I guess I was really out this morning and didn't hear my alarm go off. I didn't even hear you get up. But, I promise, I will be up bright and early on Monday morning and ready to sign some enrollment forms, I can tell you that much." Jess was grinning now. Jeremy didn't really get it, but it felt contagious and he found himself smiling back. Sitting there on the stoop feeling the salt and sugar taking the edge off his hunger and being with someone who seemed to be at least trying to care about him, things didn't feel too terrible. Maybe this could be better than he had expected. "Oh, I have this for you, too." Jess dug a hand into his jeans pocket and pulled out a small key ring with one key on it and held it out to Jeremy.

Jeremy took the key with the hand not holding his pretzel. "Thank you." The key felt almost weightless in his hand. He thought about how often he had held a new key in his life, then he thought about the couple of places he had lived where he hadn't been trusted with a key of his own.

"You're welcome. I should have given this to you last night, but I guess I got distracted with… everything, and, well, I forgot to." Jeremy felt a rush of embarrassment, knowing that what had 'distracted' Jess was likely Jeremy's breakdown at his kitchen table. "That's on me, and I'm sorry. I don't want you to ever feel that you need to wait outside for me to get home. You live here, and I want you to feel comfortable getting into the apartment on your own."

Jeremy nodded, not sure what to say to that.

"So, I'm pretty impressed that you went to enroll yourself in school today, you know."

Jeremy looked up quizzically at that, as he chewed a bite of pretzel.

"I am, really. When I was your age, I…well, let's just say, I was not a fan of school. I took every opportunity I could to get out of going to school. I definitely would have taken advantage of what happened today if I had been in your shoes. I'm impressed that you didn't."

Jeremy reflected on that, wondering how different Jess' childhood and adolescence had to have been from his own, if Jess had felt that his education was something he could afford to squander. He shrugged. "I figured I had already missed the first week at a new school. I didn't want to miss any more days than I needed to. Switching schools mid-semester is kind of tough, even if it's this early in the term. And I, uh, thought they would let me sign myself up. I had read about the McKinney-Vento act a few months ago online, and I thought they would let me enroll under that. It's for homeless kids, really, but foster kids usually qualify for some of the same"….…Jeremy searched for the right word…"uh, perks, I guess." He let out a single hollow sounding laugh. "If you can call them that, that they do. So, I thought they'd let me." He shrugged again.

Jess was looking at him with compassion in his eyes now, and he wished he hadn't said so much, had stopped before drawing a comparison between himself and the homeless population. Jeremy wanted to break the lingering silence before it turned awkward. "This pretzel is great by the way. Thank you. You want some? You could break off a piece?" Jeremy held the pretzel up to Jess.

Jess shook his head. "No, thank you. That's all for you." "So, if you care this much about not missing school, I'm guessing your grades are probably pretty good, huh?"

Jeremy shrugged. "Mostly A's. An occasional B here and there, but mostly A's."

Jess grinned broadly. "Wow, my kid's a school nerd." The warm affection in his voice belied the mocking. "That's great, Jeremy. Really." He chuckled softly, staring out into the street. "My uncle is really going to get a kick out of this."

Jeremy lowered his head as he dipped his pretzel into the container of marinara sauce, feeling shy about letting Jess see the small smile spreading on his own face. My kid. He knew it was just an expression. Sometimes foster parents left out the 'foster.' He realized Jess hadn't meant it in a serious or literal way, but the fact that his mind was going there at all this early into things felt like a good sign.

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Jeremy finished walking through the empty apartment on Saturday morning. No Jess. He looked around again, checking his bedroom door, the kitchen table and the refrigerator. No note. He didn't know why this annoyed him as badly as it did. It wasn't so much that Jess hadn't left him a note before he went out, even though Jeremy had been considerate enough to leave him one when he had left for school yesterday. Things were always this way, different standards for kids than for adults. He was used to that. It was more that he had the feeling that Jess had forgotten he existed. Again. He felt like last night had gone well, but he wondered if this would happen every day, if he would feel like they were getting along and making progress in the evening just to have Jess revert back to his default setting by morning, with no memory of his new foster child. It wasn't the first time that he had had a foster parent leave without telling him where they were going or when they would be back. It wasn't even the first time he felt like a foster parent had forgotten about him entirely. This time hurt more than he knew it should. He attributed that to Jess being so good at making him feel like he cared.

Last night had been good. Really good. Jeremy had been nervous to spend so much time alone with Jess. He worried that every chance he had to interact with Jess was another opportunity for Jeremy to mess something up and say or do the wrong thing. Jess had had some stuff he needed to finish up for work, so they had gone up-stairs and Jess had worked on his laptop at the table while Jeremy looked through his collection of books for something to entertain himself with. When he had settled on The Road by Cormac McCarthy, Jess had called over from the table that he'd made an excellent choice, calling the book a near perfect novel. Jeremy had just smiled and thanked Jess for letting him borrow it. Around six, Jess had shut his laptop and asked Jeremy what he wanted for dinner. Jeremy had caught himself just before answering 'whatever,' even though he hadn't meant it disrespectfully, just that he was open to anything Jess wanted. He told him that instead, and he supposed that was what Jess had meant by them using their words. Jess pressed for what some of his favorite foods were, and Jeremy had shrugged, making some kind of vague statement that he liked lots of stuff.

Jess had ended up taking him to a small Vietnamese place down the street, where they ordered Banh Mi and spring rolls. When Jeremy had ordered his sandwich with tofu, Jess had asked if he was a vegetarian. Jeremy had nodded hesitantly and asked if that was ok. Jess assured him that it was, then mock-scolded him, saying that was exactly the kind of thing you should tell a person when he was asking what kind of food you liked and deciding where to take you for dinner. Jeremy had reflexively said he was sorry and Jess had smiled warmly at him, jokingly telling him that he'd let it go this time, but he better not hide any other important stuff from him. How was he supposed to take care of Jeremy and make sure he had what he needed if he didn't even tell Jess the basics? He didn't want to spend the next year forcing Jeremy to choke down chicken for dinner every night not even knowing he was doing anything wrong. Jeremy had enjoyed hearing Jess refer to them doing anything together for the next year, even if it did involve eating chicken every night. He took it as an acknowledgement of Jess' intentions to keep Jeremy with him past his eighteenth birthday and at least let him stay in one place for his senior year.

Jeremy had spent most of the meal answering Jess' questions on whether he wanted to go to college, he did, and what he liked to do for fun, if he played or followed any sports, had any hobbies or interests, things like that. Jeremy answered every question the best he could, but he couldn't come up with too many things to elaborate on. He really disliked talking about himself. He just never thought of anything interesting to say. When Jess had exhausted all the 'get to know you' questions, he had listened to Jess talk about the publishing company he worked at, and his two friends who founded and owned the place. Jeremy made sure to nod a lot and ask a question every so often so that Jess would know he was interested in what he was saying. After dinner they had played Scrabble at the kitchen table, and it wasn't lost on Jeremy that Jess had opened a brand-new game, one he may have bought specifically to play with Jeremy. All this didn't feel like a man who should keep forgetting that his foster child existed. Jeremy sighed and sat on the couch with his book. He didn't have any homework to start on, but he had a key. He would wait for a while to see if Jess returned, if not, he'd shower and go walk around or something. But, _he_ would leave a note when he left.

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Jess' sneakered feet pounded the sidewalk as he finished the last leg of his run. He had debated asking Jeremy if he wanted to join him but had decided not to wake the kid up. He remembered how much he had liked sleeping in as a teenager and knew how unpleasantly he would have reacted if Luke had ever shaken him awake in the early hours of the morning to invite him on an impromptu run. He would ask Jeremy later if he wanted to join him sometime and maybe they could make a plan to run together next weekend.

Jess was feeling good. He was feeling clear headed and present, the way he always did toward the end of a run. He was also feeling proud of how well things had gone with Jeremy yesterday, after the whole snafu about the kid trying to self-enroll in school of course. He thought Jeremy had been sincere about accepting his apology and not holding it against him, and Jess felt like they had gotten more comfortable with each other over dinner and Scrabble. Dinner had started off a little awkward and he had had to dip into some generic 'first date' questions at times to keep the conversation rolling, but by the time he had edged Jeremy out by fifteen points at Scrabble, things were feeling a lot easier, which he was relieved about since he was determined to see his commitment through and take care of Jeremy until he graduated high school. He wanted to do as much for Jeremy as Luke as done for him. But, he was hoping for a better outcome at the end of the year. The thought made Jess smile and flush with embarrassment at the same time. The further he got into this foster parent thing, the worse he felt about all the shit he had put Luke through back then. He felt confident that Jeremy wasn't the kind of kid to get kicked out of high school and run away to California.

After Jeremy had gone to bed last night, Jess had sat down with the file he had received from the social worker and read it in its entirety. There were no red flags for behavioral issues that he had seen. There was one arrest for shoplifting when the kid was fourteen, one incident of being AWOL from a placement in a group home for two nights when he was fifteen, and a note that he was removed from that same group home upon his return because he was being bullied. No, wonder the kid had run away. But other than that, Jess saw nothing to be worried about behavior wise. What Jess had found more upsetting was Jeremy's family history. He had entered foster care when he was five years old, the year his mother had been killed and his father had gone to prison for manslaughter. There had been no family member willing or able to take custody of Jeremy. The way his mother had died wasn't included in the report, neither was any information on whether or not Jeremy had witnessed her death. His father had died two years later, from an apparent suicide in his prison cell. Jeremy had been in and out of therapy for years, finally stopping for good at fifteen, when he had refused to continue, the reason he had given was cited in the report as Jeremy being 'tired of talking about his parents and being sad all the time.' Jess thought about how Jeremy had been a legal orphan, adoptable free and clear, by the time he was seven. But instead of an adoption taking place, Jeremy had lived in over ten different placements during his twelve years in the system, mostly foster homes and a couple of group home facilities in his teens. Jess couldn't figure that out, why no one had scooped Jeremy up for adoption when he had been younger. From what Jess could tell, Jeremy was a good kid, agreeable and considerate. And he could only imagine how cute a kid he would have been at five, or seven years old. It simultaneously puzzled him and broke his heart to think that Jeremy had been in the system for so long without anyone wanting to keep him.

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Jess let himself into his apartment sweaty and invigorated. He smiled at Jeremy who looked up from his book at his entrance, an unreadable expression on his face. "Good morning! Hey, how are you liking that?" Jess nodded his head toward the book in the boy's hands as he walked through the living room toward the kitchen. When he got no response, he prompted the kid as he reached into the fridge for a bottle of water. "Jeremy, do you like that book?"

"Uh, yeah, it's good. It's sad and pretty bleak, but I like it."

"Good. I'm glad you're enjoying it." Jess took in a long drink of water and set the half empty bottle down on the counter.

"Did you go for a run?"

"I did. What about you? Do you like to run? I'm always up for a running buddy if you ever want to come along."

The boy shrugged. "I don't know. Not really. I haven't really done it much, by itself, just for running's sake, I mean."

Jess nodded his head. "Well, you could come with me next weekend if you want to. I think you'd like it. It gets all those feel good endorphins going. I always think it's impossible to not feel happy when I'm running." Jess moved around the kitchen pulling out a jar of peanut butter, grabbing two bananas from the fruit bowl on the table, a tray of ice cubes from the freezer and the chocolate almond milk from the refrigerator. "And, now, you're in luck my friend because you get to try my famous, best-ever post run smoothie. I love this thing! I start looking forward to it about halfway through my run."

Jeremy got up from the couch and walked over toward Jess, stopping where the tile from the open kitchen met the hardwood of the living room.

Jess had already dropped one scoop of peanut butter into the blender on the counter when he noticed Jeremy standing at the threshold to the kitchen, his arms folded protectively over his chest. "What's up, Jeremy? Are you ok?" The boy had been acting off, like maybe he was in a bad mood about something, but Jess wanted to give him the benefit of the doubt that he just wasn't a morning person.

Jeremy took a step back, shaking his head, his expression serious. His voice plaintive, almost hurt, when he spoke. "I can't eat that. I have a peanut allergy."

Oh shit! Jess' thoughts ground to a halt. Peanut allergies were serious. Kids went into the anaphylactic shock and died from those. He had heard that peanut butter wasn't even allowed in schools anymore because an allergic kid just sitting at a table where another kid had eaten a peanut butter sandwich could trigger a reaction and cause life-threatening problems. He stared down at the peanut butter in front of him with a new perspective. "Shit, I'm sorry, Jeremy. I didn't know. Just go back in the living room, ok? I'm going to get rid of all this. Just don't come over here, ok?" Jess heard the panic in his own voice and he felt even worse. Not only had he almost killed the child he had been trusted to care for, he wasn't even able to keep it together and put on a calm front for the kid as he dealt with the problem.

Jess hurriedly put the lid back on the jar of peanut butter and put the cover on the blender. He grabbed a clean trash bag from under the sink and threw the jar of peanut butter in it. He stared at the blender for a split second, before realizing what he needed to do. He quickly set the garbage bag on the floor and placed the blender inside. It was a Vitamix, one of his favorite and most expensive possessions. He loved that thing. But, he knew he wouldn't feel safe trying to clean out the peanut butter and risk spreading the contaminants somewhere where Jeremy could come in contact with them later. He scrubbed his hands at the sink, dried them on a paper towel that also went into the garbage bag and then tied off the bag. He lifted the hefty-wrapped blender from its base so the bag wouldn't tear and headed to the door. "I'll be right back, Jeremy. I'm going to put this in the dumpster outside. Stay out of the kitchen while I'm gone. I want to scrub down the counters with disinfectant before you go in there again, ok?"

Jeremy nodded, his mouth turned down in a small frown.

Jess could see that Jeremy was feeling badly, and he figured he should at least try to reassure him despite how panicked he felt. "It's ok, Jeremy. Everything's going to be fine. I'm really sorry about this."

Jeremy nodded again, wordlessly. Jess gave him an encouraging smile before he hurried out the door and down the stairs with his load. He felt like an idiot. In the three days that he had been a foster parent, he had already made the kid cry, failed to enroll him in school and practically starved him, and now he had almost sent him to the hospital, or worse. Shit. Was he going to fuck up in some new way every day? Is this what he could look forward to for the next year? He felt like shit. Jeremy deserved better than this. After everything he had been through, everything Jess had read in his file, the kid deserved some competent parenting for his last official year of childhood. He deserved to feel safe in his own home.

Later, after Jess had cleaned and disinfected his entire kitchen from top to bottom, refusing Jeremy's offer to help and insisting the boy stay in the living room and watch TV, he had gone through his cabinets tossing anything he could find that contained peanuts or any peanut related ingredients. He was carrying a second garbage bag out to the dumpster, when he found his waning panic being replaced by anger. He had read through the entire file from the social worker last night and nowhere had it mentioned anything about a peanut allergy. He was sure of it. Something that scary would have jumped out at him. He understood that social workers were overworked, but that was a pretty important thing to miss in a report. Jeez, he could have killed Jeremy all because someone hadn't paid enough attention to document a life-threatening medical condition. He thought about Jeremy spending his whole childhood dependent on adults who were barely more than strangers for his care, and how one unthinking or overworked person in that mix could do something that could kill him in a heartbeat. When Jess reached out to lift the cover of the dumpster, he realized his hands were shaking.

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Jess heard Luke pick up on the first ring. "Hey, Jess!"

"Hey, Luke. Do you have time to talk?"

"I always have time to talk to you, nephew. Hold on one second." Jess heard Luke yell something to Cesar. He had thought Luke would get better about taking the occasional day off when he married Lorelai. That Luke would slow his pace and spend more time enjoying his life. But, that didn't seem to be happening. Luke and Lorelai both seemed to work a lot of weekend shifts, Luke at the diner and Lorelai at the inn. The only time Jess ever heard about Luke taking time off was when he or April were visiting Stars Hollow, or when Luke was visiting him in Philadelphia or April in Boston. He was starting to worry about his uncle as the man got older. He worked too hard. Maybe things would change when Rory gave them their first grandchild in a few months.

"Ok, I'm good now. So, how's it going, Jess? I've been dying to call you and see how things are going over there, but I didn't want to interrupt you guys. I figured it was better to wait to hear from you. Are things ok?"

Jess had called Luke as soon as he had spoken to Ms. Garcia and agreed to take Jeremy. He had needed someone to talk him down from his panic that the social worker was on her way over with an actual child. It had been the first Luke had heard of him following through with fostering on his own. He knew he had caught his uncle off-guard, but the man had been supportive of his decision and asked a bunch of questions about Jeremy. Jess hadn't hung up until the door buzzer had rang in his apartment signifying his new foster child's arrival, promising to call Luke in a few days and tell him how things were going.

"Yeah, I've been meaning to call you, but I wanted to wait until Jeremy had gone out. I didn't want him to hear me on the phone." Jeremy had finished filling out his job applications, with Jess' phone number included, and gone out to hand them in this afternoon. Jess had made a mental note that the kid needed a cell phone.

"Well, so tell me. How's it going? What's he like?"

"It's going…" Jess collected his thoughts. "Ok, I think."

"You think? What's that mean?"

"Well, he's a good kid. He gets good grades. He seems to actually like school. I wasn't planning on making him start until Monday, you know, to give him the weekend to settle in first, but, get this, he left the house before I was up on Friday and actually went to school and tried to enroll himself so that he wouldn't miss an extra day."

Luke chuckled. "That's amazing, Jess. That's a great attitude. That sounds like something Rory would have done at that age. He sounds like a good kid."

"He is." Jess agreed.

"But, hey, why weren't you up?"

"Oh, uh, I had a lot of trouble sleeping the night he showed up. I ended up lying awake worrying most of the night, and then I just couldn't get up the next day. I had expected him to sleep in, too."

"Jess." There was a stern quality in Luke's voice now. "You can't sleep in now that you have a kid. You have to be up making him breakfast in the mornings. You know that, right?"

"Yeah, I know. It was a mistake. But, it was just a one-time thing."

"It sounds like things are going well, overall. Why do you sound so hesitant, that things are 'ok, you think'?

"Well…" Jess filled Luke in on Jeremy's crying the night he had arrived and about the kid's peanut allergy and how they had had a near miss with a medical emergency that morning. "So, I don't know. I just feel like I'm not good at this, like I don't really know what to do and I'm constantly messing something up."

Luke laughed softly. "That's what parenthood is, Jess. Always feeling like you're doing something wrong even when you're trying your hardest. It's a lot of worrying about your best not being good enough and that you might accidentally mess up your kid for life."

"Gee, thanks for the great pep talk, Luke!" Jess said with fake enthusiasm.

Luke laughed. "What do you want me to say? We all mess up as parents. We all mess our kids up in some way. You just have to hope that you don't do anything too emotionally damaging, and that even if you do, if you, say, kick your kid out because he didn't graduate high school or something, that your relationship is strong enough that you can get past it and make up later." Jess could hear the seriousness in Luke's voice. "It's pretty much all any of us can do, nephew. I wish I could tell you different."

Jess sighed. "Yeah, well, I hope our relationship gets to the point that it's strong enough to withstand me messing up. Right now, I feel like he's not getting attached to me because I keep fucking things up."

"Jess, it's only day three! Give it some time. I spent so much time worrying about you not liking me enough the first few months you lived with me, and April not liking me enough when I first met her. And it feels pointless now. These things just take time. Even with a biological connection, you and April didn't instantly love me. Although, I gotta say, April was much more polite about tolerating me in the beginning of our relationship than you were." Luke laughed. "But, you both came around. As far as I know, you both like me now." Luke laughed again, and it was starting to annoy Jess. He didn't feel like his concerns were being taken seriously.

"You don't understand, Luke. This kid is different. He's a good kid, for sure, but he just doesn't _talk_ to me. I mean, he'll politely answer direct questions, but he doesn't tell me anything about himself or what he's thinking unless I ask. He didn't even tell me that he's a vegetarian or that he has a peanut allergy until those situations came up. I mean, those are pretty important things to tell a guy, right! I just don't know if he likes me, or even wants to connect with me."

"How is that different? How is that something I don't understand? You took in a teenage boy that has zero interest in talking to you or sharing any details of his life with you. You don't think I can relate to that, nephew? Are you kidding me right now?"

"This is different." Jess insisted. "Sometimes, like this morning, he seems almost…..hostile is too strong a word, but like, he was in a bad mood or annoyed with me even though I didn't do anything. And, this was before the whole peanut butter thing. It's hard to anticipate what kind of mood he's going to be in. Like one day he's crying like a little kid, then he's upset or annoyed for no reason-"

"Jess." Luke cut in. "Is this kid on drugs?"

"What?" Jess was thrown by the randomness of the question. Was Luke even listening to him? "No, Luke, of course he's not on drugs!"

"Is he in a gang?

"What?" Jess started to see where this line of questioning was headed. He sighed. "No, he's not in a gang."

"Is he running an illegal brothel out of your apartment while you're at work?"

Jess huffed out a breath. "Not that I know of. And FYI, I think that's redundant. I'm pretty sure all brothels are illegal in the state of Pennsylvania."

Luke laughed. "I'll take your word on that. But, my point is, Jess, that it's not so different. You took in a teenage boy that you want to help. He's moody, like all teenagers. Sometimes he'll be an emotional mess. Sometimes he'll be pissed at the world. Sometimes he'll walk out of the room when you're trying to talk to him. Sometimes he'll stay and yell back at you. And, sometimes he'll be the good kid that you wish he was all the time. But, no matter how he acts, you just want him to be happy and have what's best for him. I really do get it, Jess."

"Yeah." Jess conceded. "All right. Maybe you do."

"And you spent a good chunk of time when you lived with me making sure I knew that you thought you were smarter than me."

"I'm sorry, I don't think-"

"I'm not looking for an apology, Jess. You are smarter than me. You and April both are. My point is that if I could get through this with you when you were a teenager without irreparably damaging you or completely ruining our relationship, then a smart guy like you should be able to do it no problem."

"Yeah. You think so?"

"I know so, Jess." Luke said. "But, just know that this kid thinks he's smarter than you, too." Luke chuckled.

"Hmmm. He might just be. He is smart enough to know he should go to school." Jess paused, then smirked. "But, I did beat him at Scrabble last night, so I've got that going for me."

Luke chuckled. "So, when do I get to meet my new great-nephew? I'm thinking you should bring him home over Columbus Day weekend. He gets a day off school for that, right? You guys could stay for a long weekend."

"Yeah, I think he gets a day off. At least, we always did when I was in school. All right, I'll talk to him and see if he wants to."

"All right. I'm really looking forward to meeting him. I like this kid already."

"Yeah?"

"Definitely. I like any kid who's driving you even half as crazy as you used to drive me."

Jess snorted. "Real nice, Luke. Very mature."

Jess could hear the smile in his uncle's voice. "Hey, what goes around comes around, my friend."


	3. Chapter 3 - Blood, Sweat and Tears

**Chapter 3 Notes:** I received a good question this week about when Jess started eating so healthy. It was never mentioned that he did in canon, but if Jess is going to be rocking the kind of body he had in the revival, I felt that I wanted to show him being very serious about eating healthy and working out, maybe even a bit obsessive, to make his being in that kind of shape seem realistic. I didn't want him to be like canon-Lorelai, appearing in peak physical shape while constantly scoffing at exercise and eating mostly junk food. That drove me nuts on the show! :) He is likely going to chill on the strictness of his diet and gym schedule as his priorities shift due to having Jeremy in his life. Thanks so much to everyone who is reading, following and reviewing! You guys make my day every time I hear from you! :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

 **Trigger Warning:** Blood? Needles? Idk...

On Sunday morning, Jess was up with the sun. He skipped his workout and was showered, dressed and in the kitchen making breakfast by seven. Today was going to go smoothly. He would make sure of it. After his call with Luke the day before, he had tried to get his shit together for today. He had searched the internet for vegetarian friendly recipes, bookmarking several that looked appealing. He had run out to the market and stocked up on everything he expected to need for the week. He was currently in the process of making buckwheat pancakes and tempeh 'sausage.' He had been a little disappointed to learn that Jeremy was a vegetarian, knowing it meant that he would need to adjust how he cooked and what he ate to make Jeremy feel welcome. He wanted them to share meals together, not live like two roommates with their own separate groceries and meals. Jess' current diet centered around protein and greens. Lots of chicken breast, eggs and kale. But he respected the fact that Jeremy cared about animals enough to not eat them. He found his careful diet helped him get the best results at the gym, but maybe it was time to broaden his horizons a little, now that he had another member of his family to think about. Jess smiled to himself as he browned and seasoned the tempeh in a pan.

He heard Jeremy's door creak open, followed by the bathroom door being shut, and a few minutes later Jeremy walked into the living room.

"Good morning, Jeremy! Did you sleep ok?"

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah, thanks."

"I hope you like tempeh, because these little 'sausages'…" Jess curled two fingers of his free hand in quotations on the word sausages as he manned the frying pan with the other. "are looking pretty good over here." Jess internally winced at the giddy cheerfulness in his voice and made a mental note to turn it down a notch. And to never use air quotes again. He hated that. He still felt a little nervous around the boy, but he didn't want to overcompensate and come off too over the top.

"It smells great in here." Jeremy stood awkwardly in the living room just beyond the kitchen, still in his pajama pants and tee shirt. "Can I do anything to help?"

"Nope. Everything is under control over here! I've got vegan buckwheat pancakes being kept warm in the oven, there's fruit salad already chopped in the fridge, and I just need five more minutes to finish up these little guys and we'll be good to go." It dawned on Jess that maybe he should let Jeremy help for his sake, even if Jess didn't need the help. Maybe it would make the kid feel useful. "Oh, hey, you can set the table if you want to do something."

Jess watched as Jeremy nodded and then took a couple of steps into the kitchen before stopping when he realized he didn't know which cabinets to head to.

"The plates and glasses are in this one." Jess tipped his head to the side to indicate the upper cabinet to the left of the stove. "And the silverware is in the drawer closest to the fridge."

"Thanks."

Jess watched the boy maneuver around the kitchen, carrying plates and glasses to the table. "So, is there anything special you'd like to do today?"

Jeremy looked over at Jess as he laid the plates out on the table. "Um, I don't know. I don't think so." He paused. "I guess I need to do laundry. If that's ok. Is there a washer in the building or do I need to go to a laundromat?"

"Laundry sounds good. There are a couple of machines in the basement. I need to do some, too, so if you want to just throw your stuff in with mine, I can take care of that for you." Jess didn't like the idea of them each doing separate loads of laundry. It didn't feel like how a real family would operate. He and Charisse had always done joint loads, probably her more than him if he was being honest, and he could count on both hands how many loads of laundry he had done when he had lived with Luke as a teenager, while his uncle had picked up the considerable slack without complaint. "Plus, I don't want you to spend your last day of freedom before school starts doing laundry."

Jeremy set the fruit salad down on the table and took a seat, watching Jess carrying the plates of pancakes and 'sausage' over from the counter. "You don't need to do my laundry. But, if you point me toward the basement, I can add your laundry to mine. I don't really have anything else to do today." Jeremy shrugged. "I mean, I don't have homework yet and I don't know anyone around here or anything."

Jess sat down across from Jeremy, reflecting on that. Jeremy was starting his senior year a week late in a brand-new school, over an hour away from his last placement and any friends he may have had there. Jess still remembered his junior year in Stars Hollow well enough to recognize how daunting that must be. "You know, if you ever want to meet up with some of your friends from your old school, I'd be happy to drive you out to Easton sometime on the weekends. Or you could take my phone with you and Uber out there." Jess realized that was a bad idea as soon as he said it since that would leave Jeremy with no way to contact Jess if he needed him. He really needed to get the kid a cell phone sooner rather than later.

Jeremy was looking down at his empty plate uncomfortably. "Thanks, but that's ok. I don't really have anyone back there that I want to see."

"Ok." Jess nodded, passing Jeremy the plate of pancakes and 'sausage'. "I get it. I didn't have a ton of friends in high school, either." Jess remembered the mention in Jeremy's case file that he had been bullied at a previous group home. He hadn't meant to embarrass the kid, but he clearly had. The boy had put one pancake and one 'sausage' on his plate without looking up.

"So, really." Jeremy spoke to his breakfast, as he cut off a piece of pancake with the side of his fork. "I'm fine with doing the laundry. Or any other chores that you want me to do. I want to be helpful…. while I'm here."

Jess chuckled lightly. "The word 'chores' always makes me picture Johnboy Walton out on the farm, milking cows and baling hay." He took in Jeremy's confused look and realized his mistake, but at least the boy was looking at him again. "And you have no clue who that is, do you, since you were born in the twenty-first century?"

Jess smiled warmly at Jeremy, and Jeremy smiled back, shaking his head from side to side. "No, but I guess chores is an intense word. But, I do want to be helpful. So, if there's anything you want me to do, just let me know and I'll do it."

Jess nodded. "Thank you, Jeremy. I appreciate that. But, I didn't want you to come live here so that I could put you to work. As far as chores go, I'm thinking we can put our dirty clothes together and whoever has time that week can do the laundry. As for everything else, I guess all I really ask if that if you make a mess, you clean it up, and I think we can both stay on top of doing the dishes before they pile up and taking out the trash before it gets gross. Just basic stuff like that. Other than that, I only do a serious cleaning day about once a month, but you are definitely welcome to help me with that the next time I do it. I won't stop you." Jess paused." But, only if it doesn't interfere with your studying, of course. That needs to come first."

"Ok. But, uh." Jeremy paused, averting his eyes for a moment before looking back at Jess. "If I'm not doing something that you want me to do, or if I am doing something that you don't want me to do, you'll let me know, right? So, I can fix it."

The earnestness in Jeremy's eyes pulled at Jess' heart. He wondered how many times the boy had gotten in trouble, or maybe even been removed from a foster home, for some small offense that he didn't even realize he was committing.

Jess picked up his fork. "Yes, Jeremy. If you do anything that drives me nuts or pisses me off, I'll be sure to let you know. And, I expect you to do the same. Ok?" Jess smiled at the boy.

Jeremy nodded slowly, a small unsure half-smile on his face.

"You do realize that I'm supposed to be the one taking care of you, my friend, not the other way around, right?" Jess was surprised at hearing his uncle's words coming out of his mouth. He couldn't remember ever using 'my friend' as a term of endearment before.

"I know. I just…." Jeremy shrugged. "Want to be helpful."

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"So." Jess began as he stood in front of the sink, handing Jeremy a freshly washed breakfast plate to dry and put away. "I was thinking we could go shopping today and get you anything you need. For school, or just in general. I have an appointment to donate blood at the Red Cross at ten, but I'm free all day after that." Jess normally spent a decent chunk of his Sunday, after his workout and any errands he had to run, reading for pleasure. Not something he had to read and evaluate for work to see if it was worth publishing, but something already published that he had chosen for his own enjoyment. Matthew and Chris always spent weekends with their families, and it occurred to Jess that the only Sunday he had spent in the company of another person since Charisse left had been during the weekend he had gone to Stars Hollow to visit Luke.

Jeremy looked toward Jess as he put the dried dish in its spot in the cabinet. "Oh, um, I think I'm ok. Thanks, though, but I don't think there's anything I need."

"Yeah? I can already think of something. What about a cellphone?"

Jeremy walked back over to take the next thing from Jess and started to dry the glass he was handed with a dish towel. Jess knew that having the kid dry the dishes and put them away instead of letting them air dry in the perfectly good drying rack was unnecessary, maybe even a little ridiculous, like recreating a scene from an old sitcom. But, Jess liked that they were doing it together. It felt homey. And it gave them more time to talk and something to do with their hands while they had a conversation.

"A cellphone? Oh, uh, I don't need a cellphone."

"Really? I beg to differ. What about if I need to get in touch with you in an emergency? Or if you get stranded somewhere where you can't catch the train or get a bus and you need to call me to come get you? Or when you meet someone at your new school, a friend, or maybe some cute girl, and they ask for your number. Do you really want to have to give them mine?"

Jeremy looked uncomfortable. "You make some good points. But, I should probably wait until I get hired somewhere. Aren't the phone plans pretty expensive?"

Jess sighed. "Jeremy, I wasn't suggesting you pay for it yourself. I'd like to buy it for you and add you to my plan."

"You don't have to do that, Jess. You're doing so much for me already."

Jess laughed. "Thanks, I'm glad you think that, but I feel like I've set the bar pretty low so far. I haven't been handling things very well. I upset you the night you got here. I forgot to register you for school the next day. And for my big finish, I almost killed you with a jar of Skippy."

"Yeah, but…." Jeremy was looking down, concentrating on wiping the dish towel back and forth across the already dry bowl in his hands. "I don't know…..You've been nice. I appreciate that."

Jess watched Jeremy for a moment, before he realized he was staring and turned back toward the sink. He felt his chest tighten in sympathy for Jeremy. For the kind of life the kid had led to make him so grateful to have someone being nice to him, even when that person was a bumbling near-stranger. He wasn't sure what to say, but he felt pressure to respond as the adult. To say something to make things better. Before Jess was able to come up with anything suitable, Jeremy spoke again.

"Can I come with you?"

"Uh." Jess tried to remember what they had been talking about. "With me where?"

"To the Red Cross. Maybe I can donate blood, too."

Jess nodded. "Oh, sure. Yeah, you can come. I'm not sure whether they'll let you donate since you're not eighteen yet, but we can definitely ask."

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A couple of hours later, Jeremy was lying on a cot at the Red Cross waiting for his blood to be drawn. As they had walked the few blocks to the facility, the lingering summer humidity dampening their skin with sweat during the short walk, Jess had told Jeremy that he had been donating blood since he was eighteen, when his uncle had gotten him into it. His uncle's father, Jess' grandfather, had died from lung cancer around the time Jess was born, when his uncle had only been twenty-years old. His grandfather had needed regular blood transfusions toward the end, and Luke, Jess' uncle, had started donating then, and had kept it up after his father passed to help other people who needed it. Jess had accompanied his uncle a few times over the course of his senior year, then stopped when he had moved out, but had resumed the practice again when he was settled in Philly. Jeremy had wanted to ask about Jess' family. This was the second mention of his uncle, but he had never heard Jess say anything about either of his parents, or any brothers or sisters. It seemed weird, but it also seemed like none of his business unless Jess brought it up himself. He knew that asking personal questions this early into a placement was rarely ever appreciated. The new foster parents got a case file with as many details of his past as existed in one place, while all he got was a rough outline of their current situation. But, Jess never talking about his parents made Jeremy wonder how much of his life Jess would be able to relate to.

The volunteer working the reception desk had assured him that he could donate at seventeen with the consent of his parent or guardian and Jess had gladly signed the consent form. Jeremy wasn't sure that Jess qualified as either for something like this, since he was well aware that having a legal guardian was a different and more permanent status that having a foster parent, but he didn't want to ruin things by bringing that up. He had gone through the interview and iron check and was now watching the nurse move around his cot getting everything set up for his donation. Jeremy couldn't see Jess, who was lying on a cot behind his head. Jess had already begun filling his bag with blood when Jeremy had walked out of his interview, and he had smiled encouragingly and asked him if everything had gone ok. Jeremy had felt good. This was obviously something that was important to Jess, and maybe Jess would be proud of him for doing it, too. But, now, lying here alone watching the nurse wipe the crook of his elbow with iodine as she smiled and chatted to make him comfortable, he was starting to panic.

This might not have been the best idea. He got a little freaked out by needles. It wasn't so much the concept of having his blood taken, but something about the idea that a metal rod was piercing his skin and getting inserted into his vein that made him squeamish. He really needed to get better at thinking before he spoke. He was aware of his tendency to say really stupid things that he didn't mean, like offering to do something he had no interest in when he wanted to please someone or lashing out in anger at people he liked when his feelings had been hurt. He knew he was too old too still be reacting like this. He needed to get his shit together and start making better decisions.

He could feel his heart rate picking up with anxiety. He really wanted to go through with this. It would be way too embarrassing to back out now. He didn't want Jess to think he was a coward, or that he didn't care about helping people. But, he needed to get himself under control because he also didn't want to humiliate himself by having a panic attack in the middle of the Red Cross. "Ok, you're going to feel a little pinch now. Just for a second then it will be in and it shouldn't cause you discomfort after that." The nurse was young, maybe mid-twenties, pretty and cheerful. Jeremy thought she was Filipino. She reminded him of a girl at his last school that he had had kind of a crush on. He suddenly wished for an older nurse, someone who would have mom instincts toward someone his age and be able to tell how freaked out he was and make everything better. It wasn't the first time he had wished for that kind of comfort from a random stranger, and the thought made him feel pathetic. He knew that having this particular nurse witness him panicking would only add to his mortification. "If you still feel uncomfortable after the first pinch, you let me know, ok?"

Jeremy nodded back at her, hoping he looked less like a scared kid than he felt.

He heard Jess' voice coming from behind him. "You doin' ok over there, Jeremy?"

Jeremy nodded, then realized Jess might not be able to see his response from his vantage point. "Yeah, I'm good."

The nurse turned her smile toward Jess, who had made a point of telling her that it was Jeremy's first time before she had taken him into the partitioned off cubicle for his interview. "He's doing fine, Dad. I'm being very gentle with him. Right?" She turned back to Jeremy with a conspiratorial smile on her face. He returned it with a weak one of his own that he was afraid would look more like a grimace. "Ok, here we go!" The nurse announced. He barely had time to register that Jess hadn't corrected her on addressing him as his dad, not that that really meant anything, what was the guy supposed to say, really, when he felt a sharp pin prick in his elbow. He thought afterward that he might have been ok if he hadn't made one strategic mistake. He instinctively looked down at the injection site. The image of the thick metal needle protruding from his arm and bulging in his vein under his skin somehow felt shocking despite this being exactly what he had gone there to do. He felt a wave of light-headedness and a queasiness in his stomach. He looked back up at the pretty nurse hovering over him, trying to distract himself, but her pretty was blurring. He felt off. She was leaning closer to him now, looking right in his face, but he was unable distinguish her features. He knew that wasn't good. He heard her say his name twice, as if she was asking a question, but his head was swimming and he couldn't respond. Then the nurse faded out completely.

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The first thing Jeremy saw when he regained consciousness were three pairs of brown eyes staring down at him. The young Asian nurse had been joined by a black woman in her fifties or sixties on one side of the cot. They wore matching expressions of concern on their faces. On the other side was Jess. Jeremy watched the moment when Jess' concern gave way to relief, his eyes crinkling with happiness and a warm, genuine smile taking over his face as he realized that Jeremy was awake. "There he is." Jess said softly. "You really freaked me out for a few minutes there, Jeremy." He reached out and ran a hand over Jeremy's head, gently pushing his sweaty hair back off his forehead.

Jeremy was transfixed. He couldn't remember the last time he had been touched this lovingly. Or looked at like he mattered this much. It had to have been years. The older nurse asked if he felt ok. He responded that he did without taking his eyes off Jess' smiling face. He heard the older nurse send the younger one to get a chair for Jess, saying that she didn't like how quickly 'dad' had gotten up when Jeremy had passed out. The last thing she needed was him passing out on her, too. Jeremy slowly turned his head back toward the nurse and apologized, but she told him there was no need. It happened. He wasn't the only first-time donor to pass out on one of her beds. He certainly wouldn't be the last. He listened as she told him to drink lots of fluids, stay out of the heat and take it easy the rest of the day. He nodded and said he would. She patted him on the shoulder and told him to lay still for a while before trying to get up. There was no rush.

When he looked back at Jess, his foster father was sitting on a folding chair next to the cot and the younger nurse was handing him a can of cranberry juice with a bendy straw. He held it up toward Jeremy. "You think you can handle this lying down, or do you want to wait until you're able to sit up?"

Jeremy started to prop himself to a sitting position and felt a rush of light-headedness, then Jess' hand on his chest, exerting enough pressure to hold him flat against the bed. "Whoa! I didn't mean for you to sit up right now." Jess lightly patted his chest twice before he removed his hand. "Just keep lying down for a few minutes, ok?"

Jeremy nodded his head slightly. "Donating blood is brutal."

Jess chuckled. "Um, you didn't exactly donate blood. You passed out just as the nurse was trying to put the needle in."

Jeremy looked down at his elbow then, the needle gone, and a red rubbery bandage wrapped securely around his elbow, holding gauze padding in place. "But, she got the needle in. I saw it. Why didn't they take my blood?"

Jess smiled. "It seems it's their policy to take the needle out once a patient passes out on them." He shrugged and feigned exaggerated confusion. "Crazy, right?"

"Oh." So, Jeremy had failed after all. Another thought occurred to him then. "But, you got to donate your blood, right?"

Jess shook his head, a small smirk on his face. "Not exactly. I was about half-way through filling my bag when you passed out. My nurse rushed over to you, so I pulled my needle out myself and came over, too." Jess winced at the memory. "It was much more painful and quite a bit messier than when the actual nurse removes it. I would not recommend it, in case you were wondering."

Jeremy frowned. "I'm sorry for wrecking this."

Jess placed a hand on Jeremy's shoulder, and Jeremy savored the touch, enjoying the feeling of the warm, comforting weight connecting him to another person, one who might actually care about him. "Don't be sorry, Jeremy. I'm just glad you're ok."

Jeremy knew he probably wasn't hiding his embarrassment well. He never did. "I really wanted to do this with you."

"I know you did. And I love that you wanted to. But, today was probably a bad day to bring you for the first time, with it being so hot and muggy. If you ever want to try again, you can, but if you don't, there are all kinds of other volunteer things we could do together instead. We can find something you're interested in. Something that doesn't involve needles." Jess was smiling his infectious smile again, and Jeremy found himself smiling back and nodding, not really clear on which option he was agreeing with. "I'm thinking when you're up to it we'll Uber back home and just take it easy like the nurse said. We can set you up on the couch with your pillow and a bottle of Gatorade, aim the fan right at you, and find something good to watch on Netflix. I still want to get you a phone, but we can go shopping after you get out of school tomorrow instead." Jess moved his hand back to Jeremy's hair, idly carding through it and rubbing his scalp. "How does that sound? We'll have a nice lazy Sunday."

Jeremy felt his head turn without his permission, reflexively moving further into Jess' touch. A lazy afternoon sounded good. He hadn't realized how exhausting passing out was. "That sounds good. Thanks."

Jeremy's original nurse reappeared by the bed, smiling broadly. "How are we doing over here, gentlemen? Everybody feeling ok?"

Jess smiled directly at Jeremy as he responded. "I think we're doing pretty good."


	4. Chapter 4 - Redecorating and Reminiscing

**Chapter 4 Notes:** Jess and Jeremy settle in with each other and do some bonding. Thanks so much to everyone who is reading, following and especially reviewing this story. I really appreciate you guys. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

 **Trigger Warning:** Brief mention of past child abuse.

"I'm sorry. You can just leave them up if it's too much work to get them off. Seriously. I'll be fine. I'll get used to them." Jeremy knew he shouldn't have said anything. This was far from the worst place he had slept in his life. He knew he would adjust eventually. But, Jess had asked…and now Jess was getting frustrated, and it was all because of Jeremy.

Jeremy watched Jess sigh on his perch on the stepladder and felt worse knowing that he had annoyed the man further, when Jess was already putting in so much effort to do something for him. Jess kept his hands at the ceiling where he was working with an exacto knife to loosen a glow in the dark star and looked over his shoulder to where Jeremy was kneeling on the floor by the wall, frozen mid-peel as he pulled one of the jungle decals off the wall. "Jeremy, what did we say about apologizing?"

Jeremy felt himself reddening with embarrassment. "Um, uh, that I shouldn't do it unless whatever happened was actually my fault?"

"Hey, he does listen to me! What do you know!" Jeremy was relieved to hear the playfulness in Jess' voice. "And, is it your fault that the glow in the dark milky way up here is keeping you up at night?"

"Uh….I guess not."

Jess smiled down at the boy. "Good guess. I should have taken these things down when you first got here. I kept forgetting about them. I wouldn't want them in my room either." "And, they're coming off easier now with the knife. The rest won't take me as long and will involve a lot less swearing."

Jeremy went back to carefully peeling off the decal of the cartoon tiger he was working on. He laid it neatly on the floor next to him, smoothing it out, then added it to the pile of decals he had already removed.

"Hey, you don't have to be so careful with those, you know. It's not like I'm going to reuse them in my room or anything."

Jeremy looked up to see Jess chuckling to himself, his attention back on the star above his head. Jeremy had been with Jess for two weeks now and no one had mentioned the fact that Jeremy hadn't been what Jess had wanted or expected, but it still weighed heavily on Jeremy's mind. The boy shrugged. "Oh, ok, I was going to save them in case you wanted to keep them for the next kid."

"What next kid?" Jess pulled another star off the ceiling, dropped it on the floor below him and started digging under the edge of the next one with the knife blade.

Jeremy kept his own eyes focused on the wall in front of him, and started peeling off another decal, a laughing monkey. "The next foster kid you get."

"Um, do you see a third bedroom around here? I think one kid is about all I can handle. So, you can just toss those decals."

"I know that you wanted a younger kid when you decided to foster. And you probably still do, so I figured you might want to get one after me, as your next kid." Jeremy focused on keeping his voice neutral, and idly curious. "So, what did you want, anyway? I'd guess a twelve or thirteen-year-old from the books, but the jungle stickers and the stars seem like they're for someone even younger than that."

Jeremy could feel Jess staring at him. He glanced up for a second. Jess was giving him his full attention now, looking down at him with one hand resting on the top step of the ladder, and the other arm holding the knife down by his side. Jeremy looked down as he laid the monkey on the floor in front of him, feeling uncomfortable and regretting he had brought this up. Jess didn't need to justify himself to Jeremy. He wanted a younger kid because it was more age appropriate for him. It was obvious. "Jeremy." Jess' voice was serious and Jeremy stared intently at the monkey, worried he might have annoyed his foster parent for real this time. "I'm not thinking about any next kid. You're right, I did ask for a younger kid. I can't even really explain why. I guess it had something to do with me thinking that a younger kid wouldn't notice it as much if I wasn't good at this. At being a parent. And, they gave me you instead and I'm glad they did. I like having you here. A lot. You're much better than a twelve-year-old. You're this whole real person that I can talk to like an adult." Jess paused. "I'm sorry about the little kid room. I'm sorry about the expectations it conveyed to you from the moment you got here. That you were too old, or that you weren't wanted." "You're wanted, Jeremy." "I want you here. I don't ever want you to think I don't. ok?"

Jeremy nodded silently, his head still down, the monkey mocking his naivety as he felt a swell of emotion. What Jess said sounded so good. But, Jeremy knew you couldn't always trust what foster parents said, especially this early in the placement, when everything still felt new and right and hopeful, and he hadn't fucked everything up yet. He had a flash of memory to some of the foster parents over the years that he had wanted to stay with. The ones who had justified their decisions to give him back to Ms. Garcia by saying that Jeremy was too quiet, that he never seemed to smile or open up to them, that he hadn't seemed to attach to them, or he didn't seem to want to be part of their family. All the opportunities to be part of a family that he had missed out on because his natural shyness accompanied by his insecurities had made him seem stand-offish or uninterested in what he had wanted more than anything. He had to remind himself that nothing was settled. There was still so much room for error here, too. But, he didn't want to repeat the same mistake. He knew he should say something here, something honest. "I like being here, too. This is the best place I've lived in a long time." He said it quietly and he directed it at the laughing monkey, but at least he had said it.

"That's good to hear." Jess looked away for a moment, then back at Jeremy. "So, I guess to answer your original question, I wanted a seventeen-and-a-half-year-old the whole time, I just hadn't realized it yet when I was filling out my paperwork."

Jess was grinning broadly when Jeremy looked back up at him. "Ok, that was pretty cheesy, but the sentiment is true, my friend. I'm happy with what DCFS gave me and I have no plans to trade you in for this 'next kid' you keep talking about." The playfulness was back in Jess' voice now. "I don't think I'd even like this 'next kid'. He sounds like a real jerk." Jess chuckled softly, pleased with his own joke, and it struck Jeremy as such a dad thing to do. He thought about how differently he had come to look at Jess in just two weeks, and about how harsh his first impression had been. Sometimes it felt good to be wrong.

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Around half an hour later, Jess was working on the last corner of the ceiling, with only a small batch of stars left to go. Taking the stars off was grueling work and not just because they were sticking to the ceiling like living things whose lives depended on it. As he removed another star, he couldn't help but picture Charisse putting each one up, with love in her heart for a child she hadn't even met yet. He remembered Charisse telling him that decorating the bedroom by herself had been her breaking point, and he realized things were already falling apart when she had been in the same position he was in now, even though it took her until a while after to actually end things. He reflected on the pain she must have felt when she finally let herself acknowledge that they were not going to start a family together. He tried to picture how she would have fit into his current situation, and how amazing it would have felt to have been able to give Charisse a child and Jeremy a mom. He would always look back at that last year they were together with regret. He looked down at Jeremy. The boy had finished taking down the jungle decals and had started boxing up the young adult books, when he had gotten sidetracked by one of the Walter Dean Myers novels that he said had been one of his favorites when he was in middle school. Jess watched the boy sitting on the floor, flipping through Fallen Angels, his crossed ankles in front of him and the concentration on his face making him look like a much younger child. As much to distract himself from his memories as anything else, he started talking. "So, my uncle wants to know if we want to go visit him in Connecticut for Columbus Day weekend. You get that Monday off school, right?"

Jess watched Jeremy out of the corner of his eye as the kid looked up from his book. "Oh, uh…" He sounded caught off guard by the question. "It's Indigenous Peoples Day now."

"Huh?" The comment reminded Jess of April, and the way she had of talking that was just a beat or two off the cadence of normal conversation.

"Oh, sorry, uh Columbus Day. They call it Indigenous Peoples Day now at school. But, yeah, we get the Monday off."

"Oh, yeah, I think I heard something about that. So, what do you think? Should I tell him we'll come? I think you'll have a good time. He lives in this small, weird, little town. I'm talking Mayberry small, and there's always some crazy small-town event going on. And my cousin is going to be in town that weekend, too. She graduated from MIT this spring and spent the summer in Alaska as a research assistant to one of her old professors…...I forget what they were researching…something to do with mating habits, I think, but I can't remember which animal was supposed to be doing the mating." Jess shrugged, going for nonchalance. "Anyway, do you think you want to go?"

"Ok. If you're sure. I mean, I don't want to be in the way if you wanted to see your family by yourself."

"You won't be in the way. My uncle is dying to meet you. I'm pretty sure I'd be in all kinds of trouble if I went home without you."

Jeremy had a small smile on his face. "Well, I don't want you to get in trouble on my account, so I guess I better go, huh?"

Jess smiled at Jeremy, thinking that the conversation had gone easier than he had expected. At seventeen he hadn't wanted to do anything that Liz or Luke asked of him. He especially wouldn't have wanted to be dragged to another state for a family weekend. He had put off asking until the week before because he had been worried about Jeremy shrugging it off without interest. He hated that everything always felt so big between them, as if he were setting himself up for a rejection he wasn't sure if he could handle with every question. "That's right. You'll save me a lot of hassle that way. And I think you'll like them. They're good people. And sometimes it's nice to just get out of the city for a little bit."

"Do your parents live in Connecticut, too? Is that where you grew up?"

Jess returned to loosening the next star. "My parents? No. Well actually, that's not true. My mother and her husband live in the same town as my uncle. With my half-sister. But, I never lived there with my mother, only with my uncle." Jess could tell from Jeremy's expression that he was making this more confusing than it needed to be. "My mother, Liz, and my uncle grew up in Stars Hollow, this tiny little town in Connecticut. Liz moved to New York with my dad, Jimmy, when she was eighteen. That's where I was born. Jimmy left soon after that and now he lives in Los Angeles. I didn't meet him until I was eighteen. I grew up with Liz in New York. Sometimes it was just me and her, but usually she had a boyfriend or a husband living with us. Then when I was seventeen and starting my junior year of high school, she sent me to live with my uncle in Stars Hollow."

Jeremy was frowning slightly. "Why did your mom send you to live with your uncle?'

"I think she just got tired of having a kid. She was married to a guy that I really did not get along with. He was always yelling at me and telling me how useless I was. Sometimes I'd yell back at him and tell him what an asshole he was. He hit me a bunch of times. And, dealing with it was too much for her, so she chose him, I guess, and I got sent away."

The look of earnest sympathy on Jeremy's face made Jess want to laugh and reassure the kid that he was ok at the same time, but he did neither, not wanting to come across as condescending or dismissive of Jeremy's feelings.

"I'm sorry. That must have been really hard."

"It wasn't fun, starting over and having to make new friends. But, it was nothing compared to how many times you've had to go through that."

"I guess, but my mom never sent me away. I can't imagine her being alive and not wanting me with her." "Did you like living with your uncle?"

Jess smirked. "Not at first. I mean, he was good to me and everything. And living with him ended up being the best thing for me back then. But, I hadn't seen him in years. I didn't really know him. And I was leaving New York to live in this ridiculous little town. And I was used to my mom not really caring about where I went or what I was doing, and then all of a sudden, I had this guy I barely knew on my case all the time, telling me I had to go to school, and what time to be home and to eat my vegetables." Jess laughed at that one. "It was a lot to adjust to."

"But, you're close now? Things worked out, right? I mean they must have, if you still see him and talk to him and stuff."

"Oh, definitely. We're good now. He's kind of like a parent to me. But, I was a little shithead as a teenager. I don't think I realized how good I had it when I lived with him. I didn't really appreciate him until a year or so after I moved out."

"I know what you mean. I feel like that about some of my placements. There are things that bugged me when I was staying with certain people that I missed when I didn't have them anymore. I guess, sometimes it's hard for people to appreciate what they have when it's right in front of them."

"I think you're right. I like to think I've gotten better about that, though. About appreciating what I have when I have it." Jess knew he hadn't done that with Charisse, but he was committed to not taking this new relationship with Jeremy for granted. It was still early enough that he hadn't done anything unforgiveable yet. There was still hope for this to work.

"Did you stay with your uncle until you left for college?"

Jess could feel the flutter of shame he always got when he had to explain his lack of education to a new person. And this felt important. He didn't want to withhold information from Jeremy in a way that the boy could look back on as dishonesty, but he felt embarrassed by what he was about to say. "I didn't go to college. I actually didn't make it through high school."

Jess glanced toward Jeremy and then back at the ceiling after registering the boy's look of surprise. Jess wasn't sure if it was him projecting, but he believed he had seen disappointment there, as well. "You dropped out of high school?"

"Well, technically, they kicked me out. I skipped too many days. They wouldn't let me graduate without repeating my senior year and, of course, I thought I was way too cool for that."

"Was your uncle pissed?"

Jess laughed. "He most definitely was. It was not a fun night when he found out, I can tell you that much. It was the angriest I've ever seen him, before or since."

"Did he hit you?" Jess heard the concern in Jeremy's voice for his teenage self and it tugged at his heart.

"No." Jess shook his head. "He didn't hit me. He's not like that. He just yelled a lot. Told me I was throwing my future away. I got up in his face, told him he couldn't tell me what to do, that I wasn't going back to school. It got pretty intense, but it was all verbal, nothing physical. He told me that if I wouldn't go back to school and finish my senior year then I had to leave."

"What did you do?" Jeremy had a nervous look on his face, as though he was scared of what he was going to hear next. Jess thought back to Jeremy's case file and how the boy had been AWOL from a group home for two days and nights. He wondered how that time had gone for Jeremy.

"What could I do? He told me to leave, so I left."

"You could have gone back and finished school."

"Wow, you haven't even met my uncle yet and you're already on his side! Not cool." Jess said, his tone light, with no real accusation.

Jeremy felt an instant pang of regret and worried that he had gone too far. "Sorry, I just…...I don't know. I guess, it's hard for me to understand running away from your family because your uncle gave you rules and wanted you to finish school."

"Hey, I agree with you now. Hindsight's twenty-twenty and all that. It was pretty stupid of me."

"I'm sorry. I wasn't calling you stupid. I didn't mean it like that, I swear-"

"It's ok, Jeremy. It's not something I'm proud of. My life has turned out ok, anyway, but I know I got lucky with my job. I was lucky that Chris and Matthew were cool enough." Jess laughed. "or maybe unwise enough to give a high school drop-out a job. But, I'm embarrassed that I never finished high school, and sometimes I wish I had gone to college, too. It took me all through my twenties to get that chip off my shoulder. To be able to be friends with guys, or date women, who had gone to college and had professional jobs without feeling like I wasn't as good as them and usually acting like a jerk or keeping a wall up because of it. I would definitely not recommend the whole dropping out of high school route."

"Where did you go when you ran away? Did you go back to your mom's?"

"No. I didn't even really consider that. We weren't in a very good place then. I took a bus to California to go see my father. Jimmy had come to Connecticut to meet me. He talked to me for about ten minutes, and that might be a generous estimate, before he got freaked and ran off. So, of course I thought that taking a bus to California to surprise a man who could barely stand to be in the same room with me and asking to stay with him made perfect sense." Jess smiled. "I was a pretty smart kid, like that. I hope you're picking up on that from this story."

Jeremy huffed out a disbelieving laugh. "Your life is like a movie. What happened in California?"

Jess laughed. "I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt. What happened in California? Let me see…did Jimmy greet his long-lost son with open arms and welcome me into his home so that we could get to know each other? Did he beg for forgiveness for abandoning me with my crazy mother when I was only three days old? No, he did not. He didn't want me there. He let me stay for a couple of weeks, but he wasn't exactly welcoming, so I left and headed back to New York."

"Then you went back to your mom's?"

"Nope. I never went back to Liz's. I hooked up with some old friends and ended up sharing a one room apartment with four other guys."

"But, you made up with your uncle? He forgave you?"

"Yep. He did. We didn't talk for a few months, but I ended up back in Stars Hollow and, yeah, we made up… without the actual making up, I guess."

Jeremy's brow furrowed in confusion. "What does that mean?"

"Just that he never made me apologize. We got into another fight the first time we saw each other again, even though I know we were both happy to see each other even if we wouldn't admit it. I never really said I was sorry. He just accepted me back and we were ok after that."

"You never even apologized for getting kicked out of high school and running away to California?" Jeremy was incredulous. "He must have been so worried about you! I thought the rule was to apologize when something is actually your fault. It definitely sounds like that was your fault."

"What can I say, I wasn't as mature then as I am now. You're right, I did owe him an apology. Running off like that was a pretty shitty thing to do. Even when he told me I had to leave if I didn't go back to school, he was mad when he said it, and I believed he meant it, but I still knew he wasn't going to actually put me on the street if I didn't have anywhere to go. I knew I was the one being stubborn by taking off like that. I was trying to prove I didn't need him. That I could take care of myself." "And, I guess, if I'm being honest here, I was trying to get back at him for not understanding my side of things."

"What the hell was your side? Cause I don't get it either. Your side seems pretty messed up to me."

"Wow, it's like you want to be grounded until your eighteenth birthday!" Jess playful tone took the edge off the threat.

Jeremy reddened, both at how rude he had been without meaning to be and at the idea of Jess punishing him for it, even though he realized Jess was only joking and not issuing an actual warning. "I'm sorry. I'm being a jerk. I didn't mean to sound so judgmental."

"It's ok, Jeremy. My side doesn't really make a lot of sense to me now, either. I was skipping school to work at Walmart. I wanted to make as much money as I could. I think earning my own money made my feel safer and more independent, like I had options and more control over my life."

"But, that's such short-term thinking." Jeremy spoke quickly, urgently. "Finishing school and going to college would have done that for you so much more."

Jess laughed lightly at the intensity in the boy's voice, as though he was trying to talk Jess out of throwing his life away in the present instead of analyzing a decision long past. "You're not wrong. I guess I didn't always see things that logically when I was your age. But, I'm much luckier than my uncle was in that respect. I've got a kid with a good head on his shoulders." Jess smiled warmly at Jeremy, as he descended the ladder and stepped off onto the floor, stretching his arms to loosen the tension in his shoulders from holding his arms above his head for so long. "All right. That was the last star. Let's go out for dinner. I'm too tired and hungry to cook. I think it's your turn to pick a restaurant."

Jeremy got to his feet to follow Jess out of the bedroom. "Hey, Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"What's a Mayberry anyway?"

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Jess had just finished a call with one of Truncheon's new authors. This guy needed a lot of hand holding through the rewrites, and Jess was tired from the conversation, from having to play the part of both editor and cheerleader. He wasn't that good at the cheerleader aspect of his job. He had too much on his mind these days to make himself really care about an author who needed so much encouragement to get through work he had already committed to doing. This book was taking forever, and Jess was tired of it. He wondered, not for the first time, if he would spend his whole career as a senior editor at Truncheon. It wasn't that he didn't like his job. He did. Most aspects of it at least. And working for Chris and Matthew was great. They were two of his favorite people, really. And he had been their first employee, with them almost from the beginning, and they had rewarded that loyalty. He knew there was an unspoken understanding that he ranked higher than the two other senior editors. He got the best assignments and was sometimes the only editor involved in planning meetings with Chris and Matthew. He knew a few of the associate editors who had come and gone over the years had thought he was a partner for the first few weeks because of how he was treated. One young associate had given her parents a tour of the office one day when they had come in from out of town to take her to lunch. After Jess had been introduced and told them what a great job their daughter was doing, he had heard Mika whispering as she led her parents away, that Jess wasn't technically a partner, but he might as well be. Jess had liked that.

In truth, Chris and Matthew had given Jess the opportunity to buy in as a partner a couple of years back, and Jess had declined. At that point, he had still been with Charisse. Still in love. And her mother had been going through a health scare back in Baltimore. Breast cancer. Charisse had spent the better part of that summer back in Maryland, taking care of her mother, and fighting with her sister, who claimed she was too busy at the law firm she worked at to help as much as Charisse wanted her to. Jess and Charisse had been throwing around the possibility of moving to Baltimore before school started up that fall, or having Charisse take a semester off from teaching to take care of her mother. Jess hadn't had a lot in the way of savings to begin with, barely enough to cover the buy in when Charisse was working and covering half of their bills, and he hadn't wanted to ask Luke for a loan, even though he knew he could have. Luke already had April in college at that point, and it hadn't seemed right to hit him up for money. He had thanked Chris and Matthew but told them that this wasn't a good time for him. The topic never came up again, and now Jess wondered if he had made a mistake, giving up something he wanted for himself to benefit someone who no longer wanted him. He started thinking about the idea more after Charisse left, as if having nothing to show for his personal life gave him more incentive to prove himself professionally. He had thought about approaching Chris and Matthew to see if the offer was still good. But, then he had gotten Jeremy, and he again became nervous to have his savings tied up in the company, in case he needed it for Jeremy. For college, or unexpected medical bills. You never knew what a kid was going to need, and Jess was the person who was supposed to provide for Jeremy now. The only person. It was a lot of pressure, but he wanted to do it right. In the back of his mind, he hoped he wasn't repeating the same mistake, putting his wants second to the needs of someone who may not be in his life in a year or two. He sighed and shut down his laptop for the day, getting ready to head home.

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Jeremy walked home from school thinking about the coming weekend. They were leaving for Stars Hollow tomorrow to visit Jess' family, and Jeremy was getting more and more nervous as their departure grew closer. Jess was such a nice guy that Jeremy was sure his family would be nice people, too. But, he was worried about making a good impression. In his experience, the families of people who fostered weren't always on board with the idea and sometimes treated him like he was in the way, an unwelcome interloper they had to put up with when they really just wanted to spend time with their own family. Jess had said that his uncle was dying to meet Jeremy. But, sometimes people just said things because they wanted to believe them. Especially nice people, like Jess.

Jeremy reflected on how his time with Jess had gone so far. He thought about the night before when they had made veggie pizza from scratch together for dinner, following a recipe Jess had found on his Ipad and making the crust out of cauliflower and broccoli. Jess pushing Jeremy's hair off his forehead and comforting him at the Red Cross after he had passed out. How they had started volunteering together at an animal shelter on Saturday mornings. Jess buying Jeremy a phone and putting him on his family plan and telling Jeremy not to worry about the money, making a joke that being able to reach Jeremy whenever he wanted was priceless, when he had balked at the amount Jess was spending on him. The way Jess had told him not to worry about it, when none of the stores or restaurants that he had applied to had called him, telling Jeremy that he should focus on school and let Jess take care of paying for things. When Jess had enrolled him in school and Jeremy had sat nervously next to him as Jess let Principal Khan know about his peanut allergy, and turned down the free lunch program, insisting on making Jeremy's lunch himself every day to make sure he was safe, even after they had been assured that the cafeteria was a peanut free zone. He had told Jeremy later that he would have wanted to make his lunch anyway. That he remembered the kind of crap that had passed for school lunches when he had been a kid and Jeremy was not going to be living off chicken nuggets, fish sticks and French fries, no sir, not on his watch. Jeremy had liked the idea of Jess packing his lunch. He had never had that in a placement before and the idea made Jeremy feel very cared for in a way that seemed unique to kids in real families, so he had kept quiet about the salad bar at his last school and not pointed out that Jess' memories of school lunches were pre-Michelle Obama.

Jeremy felt an anxious tightening in his stomach. He knew he was getting attached, that he had bonded to Jess despite his best efforts early on to protect himself from getting hurt this time. He thought maybe Jess had attached to him a little, too. He could never be sure. Sometimes foster parents were just being nice in the moment because they were good people and cared about any kid in the system. It wasn't a promise that they would be in his life in the future. Jeremy had begun researching all the eligibility requirements and available benefits from the DCFS independent living program about a year ago, when his social worker had introduced the material to him. He knew there were options for transitional housing and money for college that would be available to him as someone who aged out of foster care without an adoptive parent or legal guardian, but he didn't want to go that route. He wanted to turn eighteen with a family to love him and support him and people who cared about how his days went and how his life was going to go. Even if that family was just two people, him and Jess, he would be grateful to have that for the rest of his life. He knew there were only a limited number of beds in the county for transitional housing and that most kids who stayed in the system past eighteen lived in a type of extended foster care where they stayed with a foster parent or a relative while qualifying for money toward housing and college expenses. That was where Jeremy wanted to be after he turned eighteen. He wasn't sure if Jess even knew about these programs. He would wait for Ms. Garcia's visit next month to see if she brought these options up to Jess. If not, he would wait until it got closer to his birthday in December and approach Jess about them himself. He got a nauseous feeling in his stomach just thinking about that conversation. Every choice felt so important this year. He knew he had a lot hinging on his relationship with Jess. He kept trying to tell himself that he still had some time. That he could wait and see how things developed. That it was too early to feel desperate. But, he couldn't stop thinking that this was his last chance for so many things that he wanted. He really hoped it wasn't too late.


	5. Chapter 5 - Family Dynamics

**Chapter 5 Notes:** Jess and Jeremy head to Stars Hollow. There will be some details later on how Jess and Rory got to where they are now with each other. I know the timing is off from the revival because it's fall again and Rory should have had her baby by now, but I wanted it to be autumn for Jess and Jeremy's story line, but I didn't want to have to write the baby into the story, so in my story Rory got pregnant a few months later than canon and is still pregnant a year after the revival. Also, I tried to keep April in character with who she was on the original show not the revival. I thought the April story line was a contrived plot device, but I always liked April as a character. April's pre/early teen years always felt very realistically developed to me. I liked that she was socially awkward and insecure with kids her own age, but very enthusiastic about math and science and that she was the only female main character to play a team sport. I want 11-13 year old April to stay gold for as long as possible. :) I didn't really understand the character of April in the revival. Thanks so much for all the reviews and follows. I love hearing what you guys think of this story!

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Jess knew he had a golden parenting opportunity staring him in the face. The chance to be a real hero. To put Jeremy's happiness before his own comfort in a big way. To be looked back on later as one of those parents who could fix any hurt. Who could magically dry tears over a scraped knee with a well-placed kiss or cure the flu by making cinnamon and sugar toast and knowing which sick day movie to put on. Here was his chance to be the kind of parent he had always wanted when he was a kid. He stole a quick glance at Jeremy, silent and serious in the passenger seat of his Mazda, before bringing his eyes back to the road in front of him. The boy wasn't sulking. Jess couldn't accuse him of that, but the kid was sad. Very sad. And Jess was the only one who could fix the situation.

As Jess drove out of Pennsylvania, he thought back to earlier that morning. They had started their Saturday morning the same as they had their last three, with a trip to the animal shelter. The first time they had visited, after they had been given a quick tour of the facility, they had been encouraged to pick a dog to take on an outing, with the idea being that they would socialize the dog and possibly introduce the dog to friends or meet someone in the park or on the street who would be interested in adopting the animal. Jess had let Jeremy pick what kind of volunteer work he wanted to do, and Jess had just been relieved that they weren't going to be spending their morning cleaning dog poop as he had imagined. He had let Jeremy pick out the dog, and when the boy had come back with a timid, slow moving, senior dog, a brown and black mutt named Winston, who had gone grey in the muzzle, Jess had almost been dumb enough to question the boy's choice and point out that a younger dog might be more fun since they could take it hiking or something. Almost. Instead he had watched Jeremy get down on one knee and gently pet the dog's head. When the boy looked up at Jess, asking if this was ok, saying that he knew Winston was older, but maybe they could just walk to the park and let Winston lie around in the grass or something, that Violetta, the shelter manager, had told Jeremy that no one ever chose Winston because of his age and she knew he would really enjoy the outing and companionship, Jess was glad that for once he had kept his damn mouth shut. He assured Jeremy that his choice was just fine and told him that they could drive Winston to the park so that he could conserve his energy for walking around and sniffing once they got there.

They had been back to visit Winston the following two Saturdays, taking him to the park each time in the backseat of Jess' car. They had developed a comfortable routine. They walked a little way along the flat part of the trail in the park and then found a shady spot to sit in the grass with Winston. Jess had thought about bringing a book, as he would have done had he been alone with the dog, but he wanted to maximize this opportunity to bond with his foster son, and they mostly spent the time talking or people watching, with Jeremy always sitting within petting distance of Winston, with a hand rubbing behind his ears or gently petting down the length of his back, and Winston lying on his side, with what looked to Jess like a contented smile on his face at Jeremy's attention.

This morning, they had been greeted at the shelter with the news that Winston's number was up as of this coming Wednesday. Jess had been surprised to hear this, having assumed the place was a no-kill shelter. Violetta had told him that she wished it was, but unfortunately, it was a city run facility and they didn't have unlimited funding. He couldn't believe he hadn't researched this better and avoided setting Jeremy up for this kind of experience. Jeremy had taken the news wordlessly, avoiding eye contact as they got Winston leashed up for their outing, and being extra quiet at the park, solemn expression on his face, not speaking unless Jess asked him a direct question. Jess had tried to bring up how Jeremy was feeling about the news, but Jeremy had just shaken his head, eyes trained on the dog in the grass in front of him and said he was fine. It sucked, but he understood. He still wanted Winston to have a nice time that morning, though. They had returned Winston to the shelter after a mostly silent hour and a half or so at the park, and now they were both quiet, each lost in their own thoughts as they headed toward Stars Hollow.

What struck Jess the most was that Jeremy hadn't asked him if they could adopt Winston. Jess knew Jeremy had become attached to the old dog, that even after a month in his new high school, Winston was the only real friend the boy had made so far in Philadelphia. He knew Jeremy didn't feel completely settled in Jess' home yet and probably didn't see himself as having the right to ask Jess to take in another living thing in need of care. That's what got Jess. It's not that he wanted the kid to guilt him into taking the dog, it was more the idea that Jeremy may never have been comfortable enough in any home he had lived in since he lost his parents to ask for something, even something he wanted this badly.

Jess didn't really want a dog. He never had. It's not that he didn't like them. He did. And Winston was a good dog. But, it seemed like a lot of extra work and responsibility. Matthew's family had a dog and it always seemed to Jess that the dog was more of a hassle than his two-year old, with always needing to figure out who was going to be home to walk and feed the dog or who would watch the dog when he and his girlfriend went out of town. And, was it too early to make this kind of commitment? Jess could still easily picture Jeremy leaving and walking out of his life when he turned eighteen or when he graduated high school. He didn't really know what Jeremy's thoughts were on any of that, and it seemed too soon to bring it up. So much still felt uncertain and out of his control. Then Jess would be stuck with a dog that he hadn't really wanted in the first place, feeling ridiculous and pathetic.

But, right now, the one thing Jess felt like he could control was the outcome of the current situation they were dealing with. He knew it wouldn't cost him anything that he wasn't capable of giving to show some kindness to the down-hearted boy sitting next to him. His mind went back to his first night at Luke's, when his uncle had given up his own bed to Jess when Jess had looked skeptically at the inflatable mattress that he had been expected to sleep on. The precedent had been set. Luke had become someone Jess could rely on to put his needs and comfort before his own. And when he had turned up unexpectedly in Luke's apartment asking to move back in with him a few weeks after crashing Rory's car, he had already known what Luke's answer would be. And when he had returned to Stars Hollow after his time in California to reclaim his car, he had been annoyed, but not surprised, to find that Luke had stuffed an envelop full of cash above the visor. He had already come to see Luke as someone who would always do whatever he could, to not just help Jess and take care of him, but to make him happy. And now Jess wanted to be that person for Jeremy. He tried to picture himself and Luke in this situation when he had been Jeremy's age. Luke would have moaned and groaned, gone on a mini-tirade about the responsibility of taking care of a dog, about the fur getting all over his apartment, the dirty paws tracking mud indoors, because Luke did not like change. But, he knew his uncle would have let Jess wear him down in the end and taken the dog in anyway to make Jess happy, and eventually Luke would have come to appreciate the animal because he was that kind of guy.

Jess glanced toward Jeremy, who was staring out the passenger window. "Hey, Jeremy."

Jess waited for Jeremy to look at him, keeping the boy in sight out of the corner of his eye as he drove.

"I was just thinking. I know you're sad about Winston. I am, too."

"It's ok, Jess." The boy's tone was level, but expressionless. "I'll get over it."

"I was thinking maybe you don't have to."

Jess registered Jeremy's surprised expression with a quick glance, wishing he wasn't driving so he could really look at Jeremy, wanting to see the payoff of his decision on the boy's face. "What do you mean?"

"Do you think maybe Winston would want to come live with us?" Jess asked casually.

"Are you serious?" Jeremy asked.

"No, I'm just messing with you because I'm a complete dick." Jess laughed. "Of course, I'm serious! I know you really care about him. And, I feel like between the two of us, we can handle having a dog. What do you think?"

"Jess….yeah, I mean, thank you. I will do everything! All the walks and feeding him. You won't have to do anything, I promise! Thank you so much!"

Jess could hear the smile in Jeremy's voice, but glanced over anyway to see Jeremy looking the most joyful Jess had ever seen him. Jess thought to himself with a swell of pride that he had done that. He had put that huge grin on his foster kid's face.

"Are you sure it's ok? I mean, you want Winston, too, right? I don't want you to just do this for me, if you don't even want a dog, I mean…." Jeremy trailed off tentatively.

Jess shrugged nonchalantly, eyes straight ahead on the road in front of him. "I wasn't in the market for a dog if that's what you're asking, but I'm not the only person in this family anymore. Stuff shouldn't just be about what I want now. And, Winston's a cool little guy. I think it'll be fun to have him around."

"Thank you, Jess, seriously. I really appreciate this. This is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. Thank you so much."

"You're welcome, Jeremy. Now how about you call the shelter and let Violetta know that we want to adopt Winston. We'll get back into town on Monday night and we can go by and get him Tuesday after you get out of school."

"Ok. I'll call right now." Jess stole another glance at Jeremy as the boy pulled his cell phone out of his pocket and started scrolling and typing to look up the number, a wide grin still in place on his face. Jess liked seeing the kid this happy, and mentally patted himself on the back for making it happen. It made him feel like a good parent, one who had done something right for a change.

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Jeremy followed Jess to the door of the diner, his backpack slung over one shoulder and nerves fluttering around in his stomach.

Jess paused in front of the door, then chuckled. "See this?" He pointed to the sign on the door and Jeremy leaned forward to read it. 'Luke's Diner is a peanut-free environment. Please help us keep it that way.' "That's new. That's all for you." Jess smiled at Jeremy and Jeremy felt his stomach clenching at the pressure. From what he could tell, Jess' uncle was the most important person in Jess' life, and Jeremy wanted to make a good first impression and not cause any problems, and if the man had already made changes to his diner because of him, it felt like he was off to a bad start.

"That's really nice of your uncle. I would have been ok, though. I could have just avoided anything with peanuts. I feel bad that he changed his menu just to accommodate me…..."

"Don't feel bad. Luke likes to worry about people he cares about. It's his favorite, right up there with watching the Red Sox." Jess smiled at Jeremy and patted him on the side of his shoulder, encouragingly. Jeremy took in Jess' wording, the casual assumption that his uncle would care, or maybe even already did care, about Jeremy. Maybe this was how it would feel to really be a part of a family, that other people would care about you based solely on your importance to person they already cared about.

Jess was opening the door now and Jeremy took a deep breath and followed him into the restaurant. It was lunchtime and every table was occupied. An older man was moving quickly behind the counter, picking up plates of food and setting them down in front of customers. He looked up and smiled broadly when he saw Jess, wiping his hands on a dish towel and coming out from behind the counter as Jess met him halfway across the floor. Jeremy watched them hug from his spot by the door, the older man's face lit up with joy. He wasn't sure if he should have followed Jess, but he had hung back so as not to intrude on their family moment. He took two tentative steps further into the diner, feeling awkward and also a little sorry for himself that he couldn't remember ever being greeted by anyone as enthusiastically as Jess had just been greeted by Luke.

Luke had a hand on Jess' shoulder and a huge smile on his face as they talked. The man caught Jeremy's eye and said something to Jess, tilting his head in Jeremy's direction. Jess looked back at Jeremy confused, as if he had expected Jeremy to have been right behind him. He motioned to his uncle and led the man over to Jeremy, who tried to control his nerves and school his face into a friendly and pleasing expression.

"Hi, Jeremy. I'm Luke, Jess' uncle. It's great to finally meet you." The man held out his hand and Jeremy reached out to shake.

"You, too." Jeremy found his forced smile morphing into a genuine one in response to the man's welcoming energy. He noticed the resemblance to Jess immediately. The way the man's eyes crinkled with happiness when he smiled, his warm expression. But, Luke seemed like a lower-key, less image-conscious version of his nephew, with his backward baseball cap and flannel shirt that both looked like they had seen better days. Jeremy felt no trace of the trying-too-hard vibe he had often gotten from Jess in their first days together. Luke seemed more secure with himself and less impressed with himself at the same time. And age appropriate to parent someone Jeremy's age. Jeremy couldn't help feeling that this was the guy he had been hoping to find the day Ms. Garcia had delivered him to Jess.

"All right, how about we get you two some lunch? C'mon over here and sit at the counter. You can talk to me while I work. I need to stay through the rest of the lunch shift, then I'm off for the rest of the time you guys are in town."

Jeremy followed Luke and Jess to the counter, put his backpack on top of Jess' duffel on the floor to save space and sat on a stool between Jess and a tall thin man who was openly staring at them. A bell dinged, and Luke looked toward the kitchen. "Gimme one minute, guys, I'll be right back. And just so you know, Jeremy, everything in here is peanut-free, so feel free to have anything you want." He tapped the countertop with his palm and smiled at Jeremy before walking over to pick up and deliver the ready order.

Jeremy felt uncomfortable under the gaze of the man next to him and did his best to avoid looking at him, hoping the guy would take the hint and leave him alone. No such luck. "Are you the reason that this establishment is now a peanut-free environment?" The man's voice was expressionless to the point of monotone and Jeremy wasn't sure how to take it. "My Tuesday isn't the same without my regular peanut butter themed lunch of a PBJ sandwich and apple slices with a side of peanut butter for dipping. It's thrown off my entire week really."

"Oh, uh….sorry, I guess."

Jess leaned into Jeremy's space to respond. "Hey Kirk. If you don't back off my kid, a lack of peanut butter is going to be the least of your worries. Got it?"

The man next to Jeremy, Kirk, frowned slightly in response, but seemed otherwise unbothered, as if he were accustomed to be threatened. "You don't need to get hostile, Jess. I was just making conversation." Jeremy was surprised at Jess' knee-jerk reaction to protect him from Kirk's accusations. And even though Jeremy got the impression that Kirk was more of an annoyance than someone who posed any real threat, it had felt good to have Jess stick up for him while he had still been fumbling around for a response of his own.

Luke walked up behind the counter, with a pencil and small notepad. "Hey, did you notice the new menus, Jess?"

Jess looked down at the unopened menu on the counter next to him. "Oh, yeah, you updated the cover graphics. Very nice."

"Not just the cover, my friend. Check out the new vegetarian section I added on the back page." Luke was smiling as he turned to Jeremy, who flipped his own menu to the back to look.

Jeremy looked up confused, and worried he was missing something obvious. "Mine just has an article about a British feminist on the back."

"What? Oh, that's an old one. My step-daughter wrote that article for the New Yorker. You can hold onto it in case you want to read it while you eat. It's good stuff." Luke dug around under the counter and handed Jeremy another menu. "Here's a new one."

"Wow." Jeremy heard the sarcasm is Jess' tone. "Your veggie section bumped Rory's article off the menu, Jeremy. That's pretty big."

"Stop it." Luke's voice had the long-suffering tone of someone who had parented a sarcastic child. "I had Rory's article on there for about a year, but I needed room for the vegetarian section. I framed a copy and hung it by the door in case anyone wants to read it." Luke paused. "I'm not really sure she liked her article being on the menu anyway. I think it might have embarrassed her once she moved back." Luke turned his attention to Jeremy, the smile back on his face. "So, what do you think? What would you like?"

"I'm not sure. This all looks so great it's hard to choose."

"I wanted you to have choices. I've been reading up on the vegetarian stuff and I saw that one of the main vegetarian complaints was that some restaurants only have one vegetarian dish. And that's not right, I mean, you might not be in the mood for that one thing, right? You should get a choice just like everybody else."

"Well, he certainly has choices now." Jess mused as he read through the page-long vegetarian section.

"Thank you, this is great." Jeremy looked up at Luke and returned his smile. It felt good here, easier, like he would be content to stay here and work his way through all ten items on the vegetarian menu, soaking up Luke's easy-going attitude as he ate. "Thanks for doing this, really."

"It's my pleasure, Jeremy. I can't have my great-nephew going hungry, now can I?"

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After lunch, Jess and Jeremy brought their bags upstairs to Luke's apartment and were settling in to wait for Luke to be done working when there was a sharp knock on the office door. It was pushed open before Jess could yell come in.

"Jess!" Jeremy looked up from the couch where he had been digging through his backpack for his toothbrush to see a girl with dark, curly hair rush into the apartment excitedly, dropping a bright purple backpack and pulling Jess into his second hug of the day. Not that Jeremy was keeping a tally or anything.

"Hey April!" Jess was grinning as he released the girl. She was young, maybe only a few years older than Jeremy. "It's so good to see you. How was Alaska? I want to hear all about your trip."

April sighed happily. "Alaska was amazing! I have so many pictures to show you. The ones I texted while I was there were just the highlights. This research trip was the coolest thing I've ever done! We were in this tiny little town on the coast. The closest actual city was hours away. It was just me, Professor Kempton and two other research assistants. And, get this, I got to call Professor Kempton, Judith. How cool is that?"

"That makes sense, you are kind of a grown up now. I hate to be the one to break it to you. Enjoy it, though, getting to call your boss by her first name gets old pretty quick." Jeremy watched Jess smile fondly at the girl, feeling forgotten on the couch. He knew April was Luke's daughter and Jess' cousin, and he had known there was a large age difference between them, but he hadn't expected Jess' behavior and energy around April to feel so quasi-parental and so similar to how he treated Jeremy. Jeremy felt an involuntary tightening in the pit of his stomach that he recognized as jealousy.

April laughed. "I know! You're right. But, it felt very cool anyway. And she let us break midway through the summer to go up to Barrow for a few days. That's above the Artic Circle and she thought it would be a sacrilege if we got that close and didn't visit. We went to this polar bear viewing area, and I got to see freaking polar bears! How amazing is that? And it was daylight for the four days straight that we were there, it was so cool! The land of the midnight sun and all that. And after the research wrapped up, we went to Denali, where Judith's wife met up with us, who is equally as awesome of a lesbian scientist, except she's a chemist, and we did all this hiking and got to see all this beautiful scenery and all these amazing wild animals, and oh, my god, I talk too much!" Jeremy had caught April's eye and quickly looked away uncomfortably, settling his gaze back on his open backpack.

He could tell she was coming toward him now, so he stood up. "Hi, I'm April, Jess' cousin." She held out her hand and Jeremy shook it. "It's so nice to meet you. I'm sorry for going on like that. I was just really excited to tell Jess about my trip. I should have introduced myself first. My mom always says that my manners go out the window whenever I get excited about something. She says I get too single minded like a dog with a bone."

Jeremy felt overwhelmed and was wondering if he had missed his opportunity to introduce himself and if it would look weird if he said hi now, when Jess walked up behind April and put a hand on her shoulder, speaking to her in a mock whisper. "You do know you have to take a breather to let the other person say hi, too, right?" Then in his normal voice. "I apologize for my cousin, Jeremy, they apparently don't teach social etiquette at MIT."

April smiled and threw an elbow back at Jess' stomach, landing it softly at the last minute, a gentle contact between people who were comfortable in each other's space. "I'm sorry. I'm really glad to meet you, Jeremy."

"Thanks, it's great to meet you, too. And your trip sounds incredible." Jeremy struggled to think of a question to show his interest. "Uh, what animal were you researching?'

"The king eider. It's a sea duck that breeds in the Artic. No one I tell has ever heard of it, so don't feel bad if you haven't either, but I can show you some pictures later if you want."

"Yeah, that would be great."

"So, how are you liking living with this guy?" April hooked her thumb over her shoulder toward Jess. "Does he spend as much time staring at himself in the mirror as I've always suspected? My guess is about three or four hours a day because the guy still has to sleep and go to work sometime." April giggled as Jess slung an arm around her neck from behind, in a mock attempt to strangle the girl with his forearm.

"Oh, really? Is that how it's going to be?" Jess asked, his tone amused.

"You better watch it, Jess." April latched onto Jess' arm with her hands, widening her stance and bending her knees, getting ready to counterattack. "I took a self-defense class last year at MIT. I know how to kick an attacker where it counts!"

"Stop, no one's kicking anyone where it counts." Jess released April and turned to see his uncle closing the apartment door behind him and walking toward them. "Seriously, is this how you two behave in front of my great-nephew?" Jeremy tried not to smile, even though it was kind of funny watching Jess getting scolded like a little kid.

Jess smiled. "April started it." April scoffed and pushed at his shoulder forcefully enough to make him take a stumbling half-step away from her.

Luke shook his head. "I'm all set downstairs. Do you guys want to head over to the house now? I know Lorelai and Rory really want to see you guys and meet Jeremy."

Jeremy watched as Jess and April exchanged quick looks. Neither looked excited at the prospect. Jess spoke first. "Might as well." Jeremy heard the unspoken 'get it over with' at the end of Jess' sentence. If Luke heard it, too, he didn't look surprised or offended. April shrugged her agreement. Jeremy hadn't heard as much about Lorelai and Rory as he had about Luke and April, and now he sensed there was tension between the two halves of Luke's blended family. He felt an extra twinge of anxiety about making a good impression.

"Oh, and Rory is very pregnant." Luke's expression was serious now. "She's not having twins. She's not having triplets. I want to be very clear here. She is only having one baby. She's just very pregnant and she's sensitive about it. So, no one better say anything stupid to her about it. Got it?"

Jess turned to his cousin, a fake stern expression on his face. "He's talking to you, April." April barked out a laugh and pushed at Jess again.

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It started with formal introductions which already felt off from the rest of the day. "Jeremy, this is Luke's wife, Lorelai Gilmore, and his step-daughter, Rory Gilmore." Jeremy saw an expression he couldn't interpret flit across Rory's face. "Lorelai and Rory, this is Jeremy Cooper, my foster son and all around great kid."

"Hi, Jeremy." Lorelai said with a smile, moving one hand in a small wave from her spot next to her daughter on the couch. "It's nice to meet you." Jeremy realized Luke hadn't been exaggerating about Rory. She looked ready to pop as she sat on the couch, her feet propped on the table in front of her. He wondered if she just looked extra big because she seemed like such a slight, thin girl otherwise. He could see why people had asked her if she was having multiple babies. She waved at Jeremy, too, a tired smile on her face and kindness in her eyes. Even tired and pregnant, Jeremy thought she was beautiful.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you, too." He said. "Both of you."

"So, Jess, what happened? You heard I was pregnant and wanted to beat me to the punch and give Mom and Luke the first grandchild?" Rory was smiling when she said it, but the comment sounded off to Jeremy, like the smile was covering underlying hostility.

"Yes, Rory. You caught me. My choice to raise a child was all about you." Jeremy snapped his head toward Jess, surprised by his foster father's passive-aggressive response. He had never heard Jess speak like that before without it being some kind of joke. No one else seemed bothered or surprised by the exchange.

"So." Luke cut in. "I was thinking we would all have a family dinner here at the house around seven, then maybe we could watch a movie or play a board game or something after. I'm making veggie enchiladas. Jess, I haven't told Liz that you're in town yet, but I told her I'd go over there on Monday to help her and TJ with some kind of follow up issue with the produce cult. Do you want to come with me?"

Jess turned to Luke. "Maybe. Probably. I don't know. I'll let you know." Jeremy knew things weren't good between Jess and his mom, but he was surprised that Jess was so conflicted about even just a short visit with her.

"What's new over in Philly? What have you guys been up to?" Lorelai asked, her eyes on Jeremy.

"Uh." Jeremy looked to Jess to the field the question, but when he remained silent, Jeremy answered. "We're getting a dog."

"Really? Jess, you didn't tell me that. That's exiting! What kind of dog are you guys getting?" Luke perched on the arm of the comfy looking chair that April had curled up in, the only chair in the room other than the couch, leaving just Jess and Jeremy standing awkwardly while everyone else was seated. Jeremy realized how small this room was and how inadequately it was set up for a family this size. He thought about how Jess would have been the only person still standing if Jeremy wasn't there, and he wondered if that would have made Jess feel out of place with his own family.

"Uh, his name is Winston, and he's some kind of mutt, I guess. The manager at the shelter said she thinks he has some shepherd in him, but he's mostly mutt, and much smaller than a full shepherd. He's a really good dog, though, right, Jess?"

Jess seemed to come back to himself when he answered, his voice infused with the warmth to which Jeremy had become accustomed. "Yeah, he's a cool little guy. We were volunteering at the animal shelter and they were ready to put him down this week, so we decided to take him home. We're picking him up on Tuesday. We should probably go by the pet store and pick up some stuff for him while we're here so that we can go straight to the shelter on Tuesday after school."

"Aww, that's so great!" April said. "Do you have a picture of him?"

"Uh, I do." Jeremy pulled his phone out of his pocket and scrolled through. "This is him." He walked over to April and handed her his phone.

She smiled as she looked at the picture. "Aww. I love older dogs. He looks like he has a lot of character. I'm so happy for you guys."

"Let me see." April passed the phone to Luke, who held it an arm's length away.

"Want me to go grab your reading glasses, old man?"

"Pipe down, Jess." Luke squinted at the phone. "He looks like a great dog. Dogs are the best." Luke stood up and passed the phone to Rory. "I never thought I was a dog person before Paul Anka, but now I can't imagine life without the little guy."

"Yeah, now Luke cooks special meals for Paul Anka." Lorelai said, a smirk on her face. "Steak. Eggs. Whatever Paul Anka wants. That dog has Luke whipped. It's pretty cute."

"He does not." Luke protested. "I enjoy cooking for Paul Anka. He's always appreciative and he never fills up on junk food before dinner." The smile Luke shared with his wife felt intimate and personal, like an inside joke without a punchline. Lorelai broke eye contact as Rory handed her Jeremy's phone. She looked at the picture of the dog and handed the phone back to Jeremy.

"Luke, you're such a big softy." Rory said, her voice teasing. "But, it's ok, no one's judging you for it. It's what's going to make you a good grandpa to this little girl." She patted her swollen stomach.

"It's a girl?" April asked. "That's awesome! Good work, Rory. We need another girl."

Rory nodded and held up both hands palms out. "Hey, just doing my part for the sisterhood."

"Where is Paul Anka, anyway?" Jess asked, looking around.

"He's hiding in his usual spot. He doesn't really enjoy guests. New people scare him." Lorelai tilted her head to indicate the area behind her. Jeremy looked toward the back of the couch and saw a shaggy gray muzzle about a foot from the floor, peeking out from around the side, moving in exaggerated respiration.

"I see his nose." Jeremy said, hoping the dog would come out and provide a distraction. "Hey buddy." The muzzle froze mid-breath and the protruding snout quickly disappeared behind the sofa. "Oh, he's gone."

"Don't take it personally, Jeremy." Rory said. "He's a little shy."

"So." Lorelai stood up from the couch. "Are you guys up for some Bop-It?"

"Sure." April said, at the same time that Luke said. "Lorelai."

Jess shrugged his consent. "Whatever." And Jeremy did his best to hide his surprise.


	6. Chapter 6 - Family Dynamic Part II

**Chapter 6 Notes:** Jess and Jeremy weren't ready to leave Stars Hollow quite yet, so here's the rest of their weekend visit. Thanks so much to everyone who is reading, following and reviewing. You guys are very much appreciated. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

 **Trigger Warnings** : Brief mention of past substance abuse and past child abuse.

Jeremy was the only one still awake in the dark apartment. He was lying on his back on an inflatable mattress at the foot of the bed that Jess was sleeping on. He could hear the occasional light snore from his foster father, but other than that, the apartment was quiet, and Jeremy was taking the opportunity to reflect on the day he had spent with Jess' family.

After an hour or so with Lorelai and Rory, April had asked her father to drop her off in Woodbury so she could meet up with one of her old junior high biology teachers for coffee. Jess and Jeremy had tagged along and gone shopping with Luke for supplies for Winston at the Petco while they waited for April. When they got back to Stars Hollow, April had insisted that they use the time before dinner to give Jeremy the full walking tour of the town. Jeremy had really enjoyed just wandering around town with Jess and his family. They were good about including him in the conversation without overwhelming him with questions about himself. And they made sure to point out the significant landmarks for him, like the gazebo in the town square, the Black White and Read Theater where you could see an old movie for a dollar, a place called Al's Pancake World that seemed to be the diner's main competition and where you could order pretty much anything you wanted except for pancakes, the sidewalk outside Doose's market where Jess had apparently faked a murder scene in his misspent youth, and the bridge from which Luke had pushed a teenaged Jess into the lake during what he described with a chuckle as the weakest moment of his parenting career, when he hadn't been able to stand Jess' smart-ass attitude for one more second. Luke and April had laughed at the memory, and Jeremy had joined in a little, more at the infectiousness of their amusement than at the idea of an adolescent Jess being pushed into a lake. It seemed harmless enough now, when Jeremy could see how much Luke loved his nephew and how close they were, but he knew what it felt like to be at the mercy of a new caretaker who was still mostly a stranger, and he thought the incident must have been a little unnerving for Jess at the time. Jess had feigned annoyance at all three of them, yeah, sure, he'd said, laugh it up, child abuse is a real riot. In front of the dance studio, Luke had casually put an arm around Jeremy's shoulders to focus his attention on the building as he told the story of how a town selectman named Taylor Doose had once held a secret town meeting there with the sole purpose of trying to run Jess out of town for being such a little punk. April had laughed at that and Jess had glowered and called Taylor a despot, while Jeremy had been preoccupied with soaking up Luke's attention and the weight of his arm on his shoulders.

Jeremy thought about dinner at Luke's house, or more precisely, preparing dinner. Jeremy had asked Luke if he could help him in the kitchen. Luke had laughed it off at first, saying he had never heard those words in that house before, and telling Jeremy that he was a guest and he didn't want to put him to work. Jeremy was pretty sure that the disappointment he was never good at concealing was what made the man relent, giving Jeremy peppers and garlic to chop. Jess had come in a few minutes later, book in hand, to check on Jeremy and accused Luke of exploiting child labor. Luke had laughed, telling Jess, hey, the boy offered, and Luke didn't get much help in the kitchen so he had to take advantage when he could. Jeremy had told Jess that he was good, that he wanted to help. Jess had grabbed a piece of red pepper off Jeremy's cutting board, and popped it in his mouth, chewing thoughtfully. He had looked back and forth between Luke and Jeremy, nodded, and walked toward the door, saying he would be on the porch reading if anyone needed him. Jeremy had chopped vegetables and listened to Luke tell stories about cooking and opening the diner. He paid close attention when Luke had taken the time to show him how to correctly hold a knife and the most efficient way to dice an onion. When Luke had asked Jeremy questions about school or his life in Philadelphia, Jeremy had politely answered each one and then brought the conversation back to Luke, asking about his childhood in Stars Hollow, his family, the Red Sox' chances for next season, anything to keep the man wanting to talk to him. It was getting dark on the other side of the windows and Jeremy felt safely tucked inside the warm glowing light of the kitchen, working comfortably side by side with someone who made him feel accepted. When they were done, and the enchiladas were cooling on the table set for six, Jeremy felt a sense of loss as the rest of Luke's family invaded the kitchen for dinner, talking and pulling out chairs.

After dinner, Rory had begged off a game or movie, claiming that all the cheese in the enchiladas had done her in. Luke had agreed, saying it was getting late, that he would clean up the kitchen later, he was going to walk the kids over to the apartment and make sure they got settled in ok. He had dug out and set up the inflatable mattress, apparently patched from a mishap during Jess' teenaged years, and after much debate, it was decided that Jess would take Luke's old bed, with Jeremy on the mattress by the end and April would take her and Jess' old bed. Both Jess and April had offered Jeremy their beds since he was the guest, but he had adamantly refused. They had ended up watching a movie on TV, and Luke had fallen asleep in the beat-up armchair long before it had ended. April had thrown a blanket over him and texted Lorelai before the rest of them had turned in for the night.

It had been a good night, a good day for the most part. Jeremy thought about how most good days were still tinged with sadness for him. How the illusion of being included always seemed to be juxtaposed with the feeling of being an outsider, not really special to anyone, on the fringe of a real family, and not even sure how long he would be around to maintain that tenuous connection. When Luke had learned that Jeremy liked baseball, but had never been to a major league game, he said they would have to take a trip to Fenway in the spring. Jeremy had agreed readily despite knowing that he might not be a part of Luke's life by then. He knew better than to make plans too far in the future, that it only led to disappointment. At dinner, April had talked about the camping trips that Luke had taken her, and sometimes Jess, on when she was in junior high and high school. She said she missed that and that they should plan one with the whole family for the spring, extending the invitation to Jeremy specifically by saying that she understood if he didn't want to fish since he was a vegetarian, but there were lots of other things to do and she thought he would have a good time anyway. He had just smiled and said that camping sounded great, that he had never been and would love to go. He liked to think he had gotten much better at not getting his hopes up, but he knew he was a sucker every time.

Jeremy thought about how physically affectionate Jess' family was, and how much more tactile Jess himself was with his real family than he was with Jeremy. Jeremy felt like they were getting closer. Somedays it was easy to believe that Jess would be in his life forever, to not let himself picture things ending any other way than with Jess as his forever family. But, being around Jess' actual family had made him realize that he and Jess were nowhere near as close to being family as he had let himself believe. Jeremy had been with Jess for a month now, and he could count on one hand the amount of times Jess had touched him in more than just a passing pat on the shoulder or back. He thought about Jess rubbing his back while he had broken down crying his first night with Jess and running his hand through his hair after he passed out at the Red Cross. The guy seemed to reserve physical affection for times when Jeremy needed comfort, but he was much more physically affectionate with his real family. Jeremy understood. It made sense that he would hug and roughhouse with Luke and April. He had known them a lot longer than he had Jeremy. He was more comfortable with them. And he had the security of knowing they would be in his family, and his life forever. But, recognizing the logic behind the difference in how Jess treated him didn't make it hurt any less.

Jeremy knew he was probably too old to feel this way, but sometimes he really wanted to be hugged. He hadn't had regular hugs since he lost his parents. He had vague memories of his mom tucking him in with a hug and kiss every night. Hugs had been much less routine in foster care, but he had still been an occasional recipient when he had been young and his sad and introverted personality had been looked at as cute instead of pathetic. The physical affection had started to peter out around the time he turned ten, and he could recall entire placements from his pre-teen and teenage years where he had never been touched at all. He thought about how lots of guys he knew in foster care found a substitute for family affection in a girlfriend or a group of close friends, but that had never worked out for him either. He had spent so much of his life thinking that he would always be alone, but a part of him had never given up hope that there was a family out there who would want him. And, now, he felt on the cusp of something, living with Jess, being welcomed here by his family. He just wished he knew what. Reprieve from a lifetime of loneliness, or a heart break that he wasn't sure he could recover from.

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Jess walked up to the open garage door, a to-go cup of diner coffee in his hand. He paused at the entrance, taking in the Norman Rockwell-like sight of his almost dad teaching his almost kid how to use a table saw. Jeremy had his back to Jess, head down focused on the task in front of him as he ran a long thin piece of wood against the whirring saw blade, Luke at his side watching the boy, enough of his profile visible for Jess to see the fond smile on his face, then his mouth moving with words inaudible to Jess over the roar of the saw, probably giving Jeremy instructions or praising his workmanship.

Jess had woken up to find April brushing her teeth in the bathroom, the only other person still in the apartment, along with a note from Jeremy, wishing Jess good morning and letting him know that Luke was taking him to the workshop at his house, that he hoped that was ok, and that he'd leave his phone on in case Jess wanted to text him. Jess couldn't fault the kid for his manners. He was very big on leaving politely worded notes regarding his whereabouts. Jess was pretty sure not every teenager was that thoughtful or responsible. He couldn't fault him for wanting to hang out with Luke either. Jess watched as Jeremy finished cutting the piece of wood, and Luke reached over to switch off the electric saw, clapping a hand briefly on Jeremy's shoulder before they inspected the piece of wood together, Luke telling the boy what a great job he had done, Jeremy facing sideways enough for Jess to see the grin below his oversized safety goggles as he looked up at Luke. This is what Jeremy should have. A parent who knew a thing or two about making a teenager feel comfortable because he had already raised two of his own. Not someone like Jess, who sometimes felt as if he were using Jeremy as a guinea pig as he learned the basics of caring for a child through trial and error. It wasn't lost on Jess that Jeremy already preferred Luke to him. He would probably feel the same way in the boy's shoes.

"I leave you two alone for five minutes, and you're turning my kid into Norm Abram."

They turned toward him, Luke's smile intensifying at Jess' voice, Jeremy's turning to confusion. Jess had to keep reminding himself that a lot of his references weren't funny, or even recognizable, to a seventeen-year old. "That's Luke's idol." He explained to Jeremy. "From his good ol' Yankee craftsmanship down to his everyday plaid shirts."

Luke laughed. "I am a big fan. The guy does good work. You just getting up now?"

Jess walked into the garage and casually looked over Jeremy's shoulder at the piece of wood. "I've been up for a while. I drove April over to Woodbury to visit her uncle and his family. She's going to hang out with them today, but she said she'd have Stan bring her back in time for dinner. You really need to get that girl a car."

Luke laughed. "Hey, I offered when she was still in college, but she doesn't want one. Says she gets around fine in Boston just walking around or taking the train. You eat breakfast?"

Jess held up the Luke's diner cup. "Cesar hooked me and April up before we left."

Jeremy's expression was concerned. "You got my note, right?"

Jess nodded. "Yes, I did. And I appreciate it. Thank you for leaving it. So, what are you guys working on?"

"It's going to be a toy box for Rory's baby. It's still in the early stages, but I'm hoping to have it done by the time she has the baby. Jeremy here's been helping me out this morning." Luke pushed the safety glasses up onto his head and turned to Jeremy. "You ready to sand that piece now?"

"Yeah, definitely." Jess took in the enthusiasm in the boy's voice and watched him mimic what Luke had done with his own safety glasses. "It that ok, Jess?" The kid was looking at him, concern in his eyes, again. "Did you want me to do something?"

"Of course, it's ok." Jess smiled at the boy. "I'll just hang out with you guys while you work." He sipped his coffee, took a seat on a stool a few feet from the saw bench, and watched Luke set the boy up with a piece of sandpaper, showing him how to hand sand with the grain. At least Jess had arrived during a quiet activity. It was much too early to be around a table saw in his opinion.

"So, how are things around here now that Rory's moved back in?" Jess asked.

"Oh, it's been great having her here. Lorelai and I are both really excited that she's going to be here when the baby's born. We're really looking forward to being grandparents."

"It's not crowded with three people? Or with all the baby stuff piling up?" Jess had noticed a bunch of baby related things stored in already busy corners of the living room and in the bathroom. He was glad that Luke had this garage as his own space. It was his impression that the Gilmore house was only big enough for two, and that right now those two seemed to be Lorelai and Rory. April had told him how Luke had tried to talk Lorelai into buying a house together a few years ago, one with four bedrooms instead of two, to accommodate her and Jess when they visited as well as Rory, but that Lorelai had shot it down, saying that she was too attached to her house to leave it. Jess had never slept in Lorelai's house. He knew April used to sleep in Rory's bedroom when she had visited from college before Rory had moved back home, but he had always preferred to stay in Luke's apartment and now April did, too. April often referred to the house Luke lived in as Chez Gilmore and the apartment above the diner as Chez DMN for Danes-Mariano-Nardini, or as the Gilmore manor and the servants' quarters if she was in a particularly sarcastic mood. Though it was never exactly planned in advance, last night had not been the first time that Luke had spent the night in the apartment with his visiting daughter and nephew.

"No, it's not crowded. It'll be a full house once Rory has the baby, definitely, but it's not like she's going to stay with us forever. We want to enjoy it while we can." Luke smiled. "This is a big year for me. I'm becoming a great-uncle and a grandfather within a couple of months of each other. That's exciting stuff."

Jess registered Jeremy's small smile and slight blush even as the boy kept his head down as he focused on sanding. "Luke doesn't get out much." Jess told the boy by way of explanation.

Jeremy looked up at Jess then, smile still playing on his lips. "I get it. It's been a pretty big year for me, too."

Jess racked his brain for something to say that would adequately reciprocate Jeremy's sentiment and express the gratitude he felt for having Jeremy in his life without sounding too corny, something wise and dad-like. He came up empty, and then Luke was squeezing Jeremy's shoulder and praising his sanding craftsmanship, and the moment had passed, and Jeremy was concentrating on sanding the other edge of the cut wood, leaving Jess to feel that his normally reliable verbal skills had again let him down during a pivotal moment.

Jess sipped his coffee. "So, what's going on with the dad? Is he going to want joint custody?"

"Who?" Luke gave him a questioning look. "Oh, you mean Logan?"

"Sorry, did I confuse you by not referring to him as the blond dick from Yale?"

Jeremy looked up from his sanding at that, making fleeting and surprised eye contact with Jess before quickly refocusing on what he was doing.

Luke sighed. "I really wish you wouldn't call him that."

"I just referred to him as the dad instead and you had no idea who I was talking about."

"He's always going to be involved with her now. I wish you would get over whatever crap you have with him. He's the father of your cousin's baby."

"Step-cousin. Let's not forget the very important 'step' aspect of our relationship. Otherwise, it feels much too Flowers in the Attic for me."

"I thought you two were good now. You seemed to get along ok when you were home in July. You were helping her with her book. You two seemed fine then."

Jess thought back to his July trip to Stars Hollow. He had gotten Truncheon interested in publishing Rory's book soon after Luke and Lorelai's wedding, and by summertime, Jess had been working with Rory over email for a few months. Their relationship had remained distant and professional, focused mostly on the work, editor and author, with only occasional mentions of Charisse or Paul or life in Philly or Stars Hollow. During that July visit, Jess had still been mired in the hurt and disappointment of losing Charisse. Rory had recently moved back into her childhood bedroom and had just been dumped by her boyfriend Paul, and they had started to really talk for the first time in over a decade. They had bonded over their lives not working out as they had planned. He had heard about the pregnancy early on from Luke, back when Luke has assumed the father was Paul. Rory had let Jess believe that throughout his long weekend in Stars Hollow. Nodding when he had made comments about how surprised he was that Paul had broken up with her while she was pregnant, that he had always seemed like such a good guy. Claiming she wasn't sure what was going to happen when he had asked whether Paul was going to be in the baby's life or offer financial support. They had gone over a few chapters of her book that had focused on her teenage years with her mom, Jess appearing as a background character at best, but it had brought up so many old memories and feelings. Jess had felt their rekindled connection as a balm, soothing his hurt feelings and wounded pride, and restoring his sense of himself, after the loss of Charisse.

Jess had left Stars Hollow feeling better about himself and his life, feeling hopeful, letting himself escape into a mental picture of the future in which his connection with Rory grew, he was there for her and her child, and they became their own little family of three. The book-related emails continued, but they were friendlier now, edging toward but never quite arriving at flirty, full of details about Lorelai, Luke and the regular Stars Hollow cast of characters on her end, and details about books he was reading and funny work stories on his. Less than two weeks after he returned to Philly, Luke had told Jess on the phone that he and Lorelai had woken to the sound of frenzied tap dancing in the middle of the night, and found a very wound up Rory having a meltdown in the kitchen that ended with her revealing that Logan was the baby's father, not Paul. Luke's point in telling Jess was that Rory was stressed out and unsure of what to do, and he thought she could really use a friend right now. Jess had felt angry and betrayed on such a visceral level that he was instantly ashamed of his emotional reaction. He had been flooded with bad memories and old hurt feelings, his mind finally fixating on the night she had come to the open house in Philadelphia, intent on using him to get back at that blond asshole for cheating on her. He felt the hurt all over again, followed by a feeling of stupidity, that he could only blame on himself, for believing things could be different, better, new. He knew it was his own fault. He had been feeling vulnerable and let himself want things that were no longer appropriate. But, no more.

He had spoken to Chris and Matthew the next day about transferring Rory's project to Donna, another senior editor, on the basis that he was too close to the subject matter and that he felt like a female editor would be better suited to the project since he anticipated the book having a mostly female readership. He had sent an introduction email to both Rory and Donna and then bowed out of the project and Rory's life. She had sent an email back to him, leaving Donna off, asking why he was doing this. He knew his response had been cold, reiterating the same bullshit he had fed to Chris and Matthew, wishing her luck with the rest of the writing process, and mentally relegating her back to a safe spot in his life, as Luke's step-daughter, someone to be pleasant to, but not friendly with in any real way. And he knew he had been struggling with even the pleasant part during his current visit.

"We're fine, Luke. We just don't have very much to talk about now that I'm not working on her book anymore."

"I still don't get why you couldn't be the one to help her with her book. You know her and understand her better than any other editor ever will, even if the new one is a woman."

Rather than tell Luke that that was the problem, Jess launched into an explanation that he felt was only partially bullshit, about male editors sometimes having the obligation to butt out of stories written by female authors to keep from crapping their male gaze all over the female perspective. Jess caught Jeremy studying him out of the corner of his eye and wondered what the kid was thinking.

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Monday afternoon, Jess snapped his seatbelt in place and put his hands on the wheel, feeling a little apprehensive. They were taking his Mazda to Liz and TJ's house so that he, Luke and April wouldn't be squished in Luke's truck. Jeremy had opted to stay with Lorelai and Rory, who had sucked him into a marathon viewing session of Buffy the Vampire Slayer. The boy hadn't actually vocalized his resistance, but he had looked so reluctant to get off the couch when Luke had announced they were leaving that Jess had told him that he was fine with him missing this if he wanted to hang out at the house instead. He understood if the kid needed some downtime to watch TV, and he had been a little relieved to not have to introduce Jeremy to Liz and TJ. He didn't trust them not to say something thoughtless and offensive about Jeremy being a foster kid or having lost his parents. His relationship with his mother had improved significantly over the years, and he had even gotten to the point where he could see the good side to TJ and acknowledge that the man made Liz happy. Liz hadn't relapsed once since they had gotten married, the longest period she had gone without substance abuse problems in Jess' life. That had to say something for TJ and their marriage. He could appreciate that they were both well-meaning, if odd, parents to his half-sister, Doula. But, none of that meant that Jeremy would be safe from insensitive comments, prying questions, or careless judgements. But, now Jess was having second thoughts about leaving Jeremy with Lorelai and Rory instead.

He turned to Luke in the passenger seat as he started the car. "Your wife better not say anything stupid to Jeremy."

"Who? Lorelai?" Luke asked absently as he inspected the navigation system in Jess' car.

"No, Luke, Cindy freakin Crawford. How many wives do you have?"

April barked out a laugh from the back seat, and Luke looked at Jess now, as his nephew steered the car onto the road. "What are you talking about? What are you worried about Lorelai saying?"

"Relax, Jess." April said. "Just because you and Lorelai don't get along, doesn't mean she's going to be a jerk to Jeremy. You two have your own special mutual animosity thing going on, but she's actually nice to most people."

Luke was frowning now. "Yeah, Jess. They'll be fine. Lorelai isn't going to say anything stupid to him."

Jess thought back to the night a decade and a half ago, when he had been new to Stars Hollow and Luke had taken him to Lorelai's for dinner and she had tried to give him unsolicited life advice, telling him how lucky he was to be living with Luke. He remembered bristling at the term lucky, with a father who had walked out when he was a born and a mother who had spent most of his childhood drunk or high and prioritizing men over her own son. He realized now that he had never told Luke about that conversation.

"Yeah? Really? That's what you think, huh?" Jess huffed out a breath. "That hasn't been my experience with Lorelai."

Luke sighed. "What are you talking about, Jess?"

"She said a bunch of stupid shit to me when I was his age. That night you took me to dinner at her house, when I first got here and she didn't know me at all. She told me what a great guy you were and how lucky I was to have you in my life and to get to live with you."

April laughed. "If you're worried about Lorelai telling Jeremy what a great guy you are and how lucky he is to have you, you can rest easy, cause that is not gonna happen!"

Luke was frowning now. "I know. She told me about your conversation after you left her house that night. I told her she shouldn't have been talking to you like that. We got in a fight about it actually."

April was leaning forward now from the backseat. "Seriously? You guys never get in fights."

"That was our first real one." Luke paused. "Our second one was over Jess, too." Luke's voice was serious. "When he crashed Rory's car, and Lorelai wanted to find him and yell at him for it. She blamed me, too, telling me it was my fault for taking Jess in and bringing him into Rory's life to begin with. That was a bad one. We didn't speak for months. I didn't even know if Jess was hurt from the accident and here's Lorelai in my face wanting me to tell her where Jess is so that she can get in his face about it, too. I kind of lost it on her that night."

Jess glanced at Luke. "I didn't know that you got in fights with her over me." He felt a little guilty at the idea that he had caused problems for Luke with someone his uncle cared about as much as Lorelai, but he also kind of liked the idea of Luke sticking up for him to her. He wished he had known about it at the time. He might have let his guard down with Luke a little sooner.

"Those two were the only major ones. And the one that night at dinner only lasted a few days."

Jess knew he shared some of the blame for those fights, and for making Luke's life more difficult in general. The car crash had been a complete accident, but he knew his attitude that night at dinner, or in general really, for the first few months he had been in Stars Hollow, hadn't made things easier on Luke. But, he still wanted to make his point.

"It's not that I don't consider myself lucky to have had you, Luke. But, no kid who isn't living in a happy loving home with their parents should be told they're lucky. Even if they end up in one, like I did with you, like I hope Jeremy thinks he has with me, they still have to go through a lot more pain and shit to get there than the kids who were just born into those kinds of families. That's not lucky."

Jess studied Luke out of the corner of his eye for a reaction as he drove. The man nodded solemnly. "I know. You're right. I think Lorelai has grown a lot since then, Jess. I really don't think she'll say anything that thoughtless to Jeremy." Luke paused. "We, uh…...we kind of had a conversation about it before you guys got here. Just about being extra sensitive and not asking Jeremy personal stuff about his family or his past, nothing that would be upsetting for him. She gets it."

Jess stole another glance at his uncle. The man looked serious and almost apologetic, and Jess worried he had offended him. "I do appreciate that I had you, Luke. I want you to know that. I look at Jeremy and I think about how much harder his childhood's been than mine. He hasn't had anyone for most of his life. I don't want you to think I'm not grateful for the time that I spent living with you. I am. It just wasn't Lorelai's place to decide I was lucky. She didn't know anything about me."

"Thanks, Jess. And, I get it. I do. And, just so you know, I always felt grateful to have you, too. I'm sorry you had to go through the crap with your mom that you did, but I'm glad you ended up with me."

"Aww, you guys are having such a cute moment!"

"Hey, April, you wanna walk the rest of the way to Liz and TJ's?" Jess threatened with no real heat.

April laughed. "Did you and Lorelai ever get in fights about me, Dad?"

Luke smiled. "Only our biggest fight ever. The one that ended our first engagement." He turned to look incredulously at his daughter. "Have I really never told you about that?"

"No! What? Tell me." Jess could hear the eagerness in April's voice. He knew what story was coming.

"Well, when I first found out that I had this amazing eleven-year old whiz-kid daughter." Jess relaxed as he listened to Luke's voice shift into storytelling mode. " I was a little, I don't know, nervous or scared, I guess, to tell Lorelai about you, so for the longest time I just kind of….didn't. And then, one day you were visiting me at the diner-"

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Jess was trying to temper his annoyance as he pulled his car into Lorelai's driveway and parked behind her Jeep. He always got a little irritable after visiting Liz and TJ, but he wanted to shake off his negative energy now and not bring it inside to Jeremy. He knew they didn't have bad intentions, but they always managed to set him off about something. Today, it had been about Jeremy, as Jess had suspected it would be. After he had listened to Liz and TJ describe their latest ordeal with the produce cult and April had told them stories about her summer in Alaska, Liz had started in on Jess about having a kid, telling him there was nothing like it, and if he wanted one, he should find a nice girl and have one of his own, not adopt some teenager with a bunch of baggage. Adoption was a nice thing to do, she had said, if you couldn't have your own kids, but it wasn't the same. It was a last resort. He should have a baby of his own while he still can. Jess had tried not to seethe, had repeated the internal mantra that often helped him deal with his mother without losing his temper, that she means well, she can't help it if she's a thoughtless idiot. He bit back the urge to tell her that she didn't know what she was talking about. That he might not love Jeremy like he was his yet, but he cared about him enough already to know that he would never prioritize alcohol or pot over him or let a string of worthless boyfriends and husbands verbally and physically abuse him, which was more than some biological parents could say. Instead, he tried to calmly point out that only a parent who had done both, adopted and had a biological child, was qualified to compare the two. Liz had gotten the hint and laid off about it for a while, returning to the topic of Jeremy later to innocently ask why Jess hadn't brought the boy along so that they could meet him.

"You ok, Jess?" April asked from the passenger seat. Luke had asked to get dropped off at the diner. Taylor had called while they were at Liz and TJ's about a leaking pipe in the kitchen of the soda shop and Luke wanted to see if he could fix it before he called a plumber. He said it should be quick and then he would head back over to the house.

Jess turned the car off and tried to relax his posture. "Yeah, i'm all right. They just drive me a little nuts every time I see them."

"I can understand that. I mean, they don't bother me as much, but I get that it's different for you. I can't imagine what it would have been like to have had Liz for a mother." April winced. "Sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

Jess smiled at his cousin. "It's ok, April. It's very nice of you that you still visit them."

"Dad likes me to go over there with him whenever I'm in town. It seems to make him happy, and it's not like he asks for a lot, so…" April shrugged.

Jess nodded. "You're a pretty good, kid, April Nardini."

April smiled. "I know. You're not too bad yourself."

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Jess walked through the kitchen, noting the two Doose's Market paper bags standing up on the table, and entered the living room ahead of April. The general scene was much the same as they had left it. Rory sitting on one end of the couch, Pop-Tart in hand, feet up on the coffee table, Lorelai at the other end with her legs folded up beside her, Jeremy sitting on the floor, leaning against Lorelai's arm of the couch, one hand petting Paul Anka who was lying beside him, and snacks everywhere. Jess saw a plate holding two slices of pizza competing for space on the table with a box of Pop-Tarts, a box of Cheez-Its, a bowl of gummy bears, an open sleeve of Chips Ahoy cookies and another one of saltines, and surprisingly, a plate of celery sticks and apple slices sitting next to a large, family size jar of peanut butter, the cover off and the handle of a butter knife protruding from the plastic container. Jess' heart raced and he took a quick step forward, his eyes snapping to Jeremy's face, registering the boy's shock, his jaw stopping in motion mid-chew, the slice of apple held in his hand, slathered in peanut butter with a bite already taken, and the shame and apprehension on the boy's face. Good, Jess thought. Let him feel guilty. Let him feel like shit. That would make two of them.

"Hey guys? How are Liz and TJ?" Lorelai asked. "Where's Luke? Did he stay over there?"

"Uh, Jess-" Jess remembered April standing next to him then, felt her tugging on his arm to get his attention. He was a little confused and a whole lot pissed, but he didn't want to make a big deal out of this and publicly embarrass Jeremy.

"It's fine, April." He cut her off quickly, voice low.

"But-"

"Liz and TJ are, well, Liz and TJ." Jess spoke louder than was necessary, with fake cheer, wanting to drown out April in case she kept talking. "Luke went over to the diner to take a look at a leaky pipe. Taylor called him about it while we were out. But, hey, you guys are still watching your show! We don't want to get in the way of that, so we'll just go outside until it's over."

Jess saw Rory studying him with a puzzled expression on her face, like she was trying to figure out a particularly challenging logic problem, and he felt uncomfortable under the scrutiny. He knew he was being a spaz, but he didn't seem to be capable of acting normally at the moment. "It's seven seasons long." She said nonchalantly. "It could take a while."

"We'll go for a walk or something." Jess had his hand around April's bicep and started pushing her ahead of him toward the kitchen.

"Ow, Jess!" April jerked her arm out of his grasp, and he put a hand on her back, careful to be gentler this time, as he kept her moving out of the room.

He heard Lorelai call after them, with amusement in her voice. "You kids play nice, now! Don't make me come in there!"

Jess took one last look at his foster son as he walked out of the room, glad that at least Jeremy had the decency to be ashamed of himself. The kid was hanging his head, avoiding eye contact, a red flush rising on his cheeks, his overall appearance that of a child who had just been slapped. And Jess was ok with that.


	7. Chapter 7 - Family Dynamic Part III

**Chapter 7 Notes** : Wrapping things up in Stars Hollow. Thanks for all the kind reviews you guys have been leaving me. They make it much easier to justify how much time I've been spending on this story! :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jeremy bent his legs, hugging his knees close to his chest, instinctively curling into a protective ball, feeling exposed, stupid and worthless. He couldn't believe he had ruined everything over something so ridiculous and petty. Jess had to be so pissed at him. The look on Jess' face when he realized he had lied had been awful. The man had looked angry, hurt and betrayed, all at once. Jeremy didn't blame him. What kind of asshole lies about having a potentially deadly allergy? He had felt sick to his stomach about it for days after telling the lie. He could still remember how he had felt that morning, hurt that Jess seemed to have forgotten about him again and scared that it wasn't going to work out, that he was getting his hopes up like an idiot, just to be disappointed again. That Jess didn't really get what Jeremy needed or what having a kid really meant. He remembered feeling so deeply hurt and emotionally raw and not realizing until much later that a lot of that feeling had been triggered from old disappointments in previous placements, rather than just from what Jess had done.

He still couldn't quite work out how his hurt and fear has transmuted into a lie about a peanut allergy. He remembered feeling so scared and uncertain, terrified that something as minor as Jess oversleeping and missing his school enrollment or leaving before he woke up without leaving him a note were indications that Jess wasn't serious about him, that their relationship wouldn't last into adulthood for Jeremy. He remembered feeling the same fear he had been trying to escape from for most of his life, the fear of being all alone in the world. Then Jess had come bouncing in from his run like everything was fine and dandy, going on about runner's highs and his special peanut butter protein shake and Jeremy had wanted to punish him for it, to get back at him for getting to be so carefree when Jeremy's life felt so difficult and hopeless. He had wanted Jess to want him. To want to be his dad and be in his life forever. And when he had woken up to find Jess gone, he had been overwhelmed with the irrational certainty that what he wanted was never going to happen. It had felt like Jess had taken something from him. And he had wanted to take something from Jess, too.

It felt so stupid now. And childish. He had instantly regretted the lie, the guilt churning in his stomach as he watched Jess throw out his expensive-looking blender and scrub his kitchen from top to bottom, intensifying when Jess had apologized to him for the incident and tried to reassure him that everything was going to be ok. He had tried to push it down and not think about it, but the guilt had resurfaced when Jess had told his principal about the allergy and when he had seen the sign on the door of Luke's diner. He knew it was messed up and that it probably made him a bad person, but despite all the guilt eating away at his insides, he had still, on some level, enjoyed the care the lie had brought him. He loved that Jess had been making his lunch for school every day. He had never had that kind of care before, like he was special enough to Jess for him to go to all that trouble for Jeremy, insisting on continuing to make his lunch even after Jeremy told him he could do it himself, that he didn't want to put Jess out. He could still picture Jess standing at the counter, warm smile on his face as he scooped quinoa salad into a plastic container, telling Jeremy that he didn't mind, that he liked doing it, that making his kid's lunch was part of the job he signed up for, that Jeremy would have his whole adult life to cook for himself he didn't need to start now.

And Jeremy would never do something like that now. In the month he had been with Jess, he had come to realize that there was potential here. He had started to see a chance for them. For Jess to stay in his life and be as close as he would get to a forever family, even if he never officially adopted Jeremy. He would never risk what he had with Jess now just to lash out and vent his hurt feelings.

But, he knew it was likely too late for his change in perspective to matter. He had lied. For a whole month. About something important that had caused Jess stress and extra work. He knew this could very well be a deal breaker for Jess. That the worst-case scenario would involve Jess placing a call to Ms. Garcia and Jeremy being moved within a couple of days, back to the group home, where he had zero chance of ending up with a forever family before he turned eighteen in a couple of months. The best-case scenario involved finding out what his foster father's idea of punishment was, always an intimidating prospect in a new placement, especially when he had done something this bad. Jeremy wouldn't care if he was grounded forever, it wasn't like he had any friends to go out with anyway. He wouldn't report Jess if he hit him. He would take whatever punishment Jess wanted to give him gladly if it meant he got a second chance. Jeremy's mind went to Winston then, as the realization hit him that even if Jess did decide to keep Jeremy, he may no longer be in the mood to reward him with a dog. The idea that his lie might be a deal breaker for Winston made Jeremy feel nauseous with guilt. He wanted to throw up. He felt his eyes starting to well and tried to blink back the wetness, focusing on the TV screen, hoping Lorelai and Rory wouldn't notice anything was wrong.

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About half an episode of Buffy later, Jess came back into the living room, April a few feet behind him looking as miserable as Jeremy felt. He knew that she knew, too, and it made him feel even more ashamed. Jess' expression was unreadable to Jeremy, but when he spoke, his voice sounded relatively normal, if not exactly warm and friendly. "All right, Jeremy, I think it's time for us to hit the road. You about ready?"

Jeremy got to his feet instantly, nodding his head, not wanting to make things worse by making Jess wait.

"What, you're bailing on us now?" Lorelai scoffed light-heartedly. "We still have six and a half more seasons to get through."

"Kids today." Rory joined in with a smile. "No stick-to-itiveness. It's a disgrace!"

Lorelai was on her feet pulling Jeremy into a quick hug. The feeling of Lorelai's arms around him felt like more than Jeremy could take. He had wanted this kind of affection for so long, but he knew he didn't deserve it now. She just didn't realize what an awful thing he had done, what a terrible person he was. "It was great to meet you, Jeremy. Don't be a stranger. Make Jess bring you back here soon, ok."

He nodded as she released him. "Thanks for having me. And thanks for letting me crash your Buffy marathon. I had a lot of fun."

"Aw, so did we sweetie. You're welcome to crash our TV marathons anytime."

Rory was reaching out an arm in front of her, a smile on her face. "I want hugs, too! Don't make the pregnant woman get off the couch."

Jeremy smiled and walked over to Rory, bending down to hug her. "It was great to meet you, Rory."

"You, too, Jeremy. I'm so glad you're a part of the family now." Jeremy pulled himself back up, sad to be leaving, and not just because of what awaited him with Jess. Lorelai and Rory were different when Jess wasn't around, there was no tension and they were funny and kind. And their relationship was amazing. They seemed to always be in sync. He had really enjoyed being around them today.

Jeremy turned to say goodbye to Paul Anka, but the dog had already disappeared. Lorelai followed his gaze. "Sorry, kid, you snooze you lose! Paul Anka budgets a very limited amount of time for socialization into his day."

Jeremy forced out a breath of air, a pathetic attempt at a half-laugh, wanting to acknowledge Lorelai's joke, but not having a real laugh in him. Lorelai was addressing Jess now. "It was nice to see you, Jess."

Jeremy watched as Jess turned his attention to his aunt several feet away, neither one making any effort to close the gap between them for their goodbye. "You too, Lorelai." Jess' voice was flat, emotionless.

"You're going to go by the diner on your way out, right? Luke will want to say goodbye."

Jess nodded, annoyance coloring his voice. "I know he will. I was planning on it."

"Ok, well drive safe then." She raised her hand in a small wave.

"I will. Bye Rory." Jeremy watched Jess' face, trying to find a clue as to what he could expect when they were alone. He was grateful that Jess hadn't laid into him about what he had done in front of his whole family. Jeremy didn't think he would have survived that kind of humiliation in front of people who had been so nice to him and so welcoming this weekend.

"Bye Jess." Rory said. "It was nice to see you. I really mean that."

"You too. Send me a baby pic, ok?"

Rory smiled. "You just try to stop me, mister." Jess responded with a smile of his own, small but authentic, and Jeremy felt like maybe things would be ok, maybe he would have a chance with Jess.

April walked them to the car and hugged each of them goodbye. "It was great to meet you, Jeremy."

"You too, April."

"I'm really glad Jess has you. I think you're just what he needs. I hated thinking about him in Philadelphia all by himself and alone."

Jeremy wasn't sure how to respond to that. He felt like April's comment might have been an attempt to convince Jess not to dump Jeremy's lifeless body somewhere on the side of the road during the drive back to Philadelphia.

Jess barked out a laugh, loud and genuine, and Jeremy felt the tension in his gut release slightly, maybe Jess wasn't as angry as he had thought. Maybe they would survive this. "You are so dramatic, April. And, you're all alone in Boston, too, so don't throw stones."

April shrugged. "I know. But, I can handle it better. Girls are tougher than boys. It's basic biology."

"You are so full of shit. Did you learn that from your little Arctic duck friends?"

"The king eider just confirmed what I've always known. Plus, I'm young. I'm supposed to be alone. But, a man your age….that's an infinitely sadder situation." She shook her head slowly, as if wondering just where Jess had gone wrong.

"You're such a little shit." Jess smiled and hugged April again, pulling her to his chest and dropping a kiss on the top of her head, telling her in a low voice that Jeremy was sure was meant just for April, that it was going to be fine, before releasing her with a gentle push. "You're lucky I like you, kid."

Jeremy and Jess got in the car, April waving as Jess backed out of the driveway, a concerned expression on her face, Jeremy raised a hand to her, hoping to convey his gratitude that she had sent Jess off in a better mood.

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Jeremy sat quietly in the car, staring straight ahead, afraid to make eye contact, stomach clenching with nerves, waiting for Jess to say something, for yelling or accusations, but none came. Jeremy glanced at his foster father from the side of his eye, not wanting to draw attention to himself. Jess was focused on the road, his expression serious, his mouth set in a firm line, all the amusement from his goodbye with April gone from his face. Maybe he was waiting for Jeremy to go first and apologize. Jeremy took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry. I know you're pissed-"

"Not now, Jeremy." Jess sighed. It didn't sound angry as much as tired, fed up, like Jess didn't want to deal with Jeremy or listen to him. "We need to go by the diner to grab our bags and say goodbye to Luke. I don't want to get into this until after that. When we have time to really get into it."

Jeremy swallowed and nodded his head, not liking the sound of that.

Jess sighed, and when he spoke his voice had kindness in it. "We do need to talk about this, Jeremy, but it's not the end of the world. Everything is going to be ok."

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Luke and Taylor were standing on the sidewalk talking as Jess parked in front of the diner, or more accurately, Taylor was talking and Luke was nodding along, looking like he'd rather be anywhere else. Jess could hear Luke trying to excuse himself from Taylor as he spotted his nephew, but apparently Taylor wasn't having it, and he headed over with Luke.

"Hey, you guys heading out now?" Luke asked.

"Yeah." Jess nodded. "We just wanted to stop in and say goodbye before we hit the road. We have to run up and grab our stuff, too."

"Hello, Jess." Taylor said.

"Hi Taylor."

"And who is this young man, Luke?" Taylor was looking at Jeremy now. Jess wanted to run up and get their stuff to get away from Taylor. He really wasn't in the mood for nosy townspeople right now, but he didn't want to leave Jeremy with Taylor. The kid didn't deserve that, no matter how much he had pissed Jess off.

Luke spoke with the biggest smile Jess had ever seen him wear in Taylor's presence. "This is my great-nephew, Jeremy Cooper. Jeremy, this is Taylor Doose."

"Your great-nephew?" Taylor asked in that way he had of talking that always got on Jess' nerves, with exaggerated surprise and extra infection at the end, as if he thought it lent gravitas to the nonsense he was usually spouting.

"Yep. Jess' boy."

"Jess' boy? Well!"

"Taylor, are you just going to repeat everything Luke says?" Jess snapped.

Just as Taylor was giving Jess his best judgemental look, Jeremy thrust out his hand to shake. "Hi, it's nice to meet you."

Taylor look impressed as he shook the boy's hand. "Well, it's very nice to meet you, too, young man. It's always encouraging to see a young person with such good manners." He looked at Jess out of the corner of his eye. "You clearly didn't get them from your father."

"All right then. We'll see you around, Taylor. We really need to get on the road." Jess turned to his foster son. "C'mon Jeremy."

Luke and Jeremy followed Jess into the diner and Luke veered off behind the counter. "Hey, you guys go on up and grab your stuff. I'm going to throw together some snacks for you to take on the road. All vegetarian and peanut-free."

Jess watched Jeremy blanch at the reminder of the lie he had been caught in. He realized with surprise that he was no longer angry enough to feel satisfaction at the kid's guilt. If anything his instinct was to comfort the miserable boy next to him. "Thanks, Luke." Jess knew he would tell Luke the truth about the peanut allergy later, privately, but now was not the right time. He squeezed Jeremy's shoulder lightly as he walked past the boy to the stairs, Jeremy falling in step behind him.

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Luke had walked them out to car, carrying a bag full of takeout containers. "You do know it's only about a four hour drive, right?" Jess asked as Luke handed him the bag.

Luke chuckled. "I know. I just want you guys to have stuff in case you get hungry."

"Thank you. And thanks for having us, Luke." Jess smiled at his uncle. "It was great to see you."

Luke laughed. "Thanks for having you? C'mon, you're not guests. You're family. You guys are welcome here anytime. I loved having you guys here this weekend."

Jess knew that was true and felt a pang of sadness that Jeremy hadn't had this in his life for so long, family that genuinely wanted to spend time with him more than they wanted to do anything else. Luke made Jess feel more loved and valued than anyone else ever had. And Jess wanted to do the same for Jeremy. He felt an eagerness to get in the car and smooth over this whole peanut allergy situation with the kid, and let him know that he still had Jess, that Jess wasn't going to stop caring about him no matter how badly he had behaved.

He nodded at his uncle. "I had a great weekend. See you at Thanksgiving?"

"Absolutely! They'll be a baby by then. I'd love it if you guys could be here for that."

Jess nodded. "We'll do our best." He leaned in to hug his uncle.

Luke pulled back from the hug and turned to Jeremy with a smile. "It was great to meet you, Jeremy. I'm really glad Jess brought you out here."

"Me, too. I had a great time this weekend. Thanks for everything."

Luke wrapped the boy in a hug. Jess watched his foster son cling onto his uncle, a handful of flannel shirt clenched in his hand. His eyes tightly shut. When Luke released him, Jeremy's eyes were damp.

"You ok, Jeremy?" Luke asked, concern on his face as he looked at the boy closely.

Jeremy nodded, averting his eyes for a second. "Yeah, I'm good. Thanks for letting me hang out with you this weekend. I really appreciate it." Jeremy paused. "I really liked it."

Luke nodded. Jess could tell from the look on his uncle's face that he knew the boy wasn't ok, but he didn't want call him out on it. "I liked it, too. We can work on another project when you're here at Thanksgiving if you want. We can find a beginner level woodworking design and I can show you how to make something from start to finish, if you're interested."

Jeremy nodded, small smile on his face. "That would be great. I would love that."

Luke rested a hand on Jeremy's shoulder and squeezed gently. "You guys drive safe." He kept his eyes on Jeremy, smiling at the boy as he addressed his nephew. "And you take good care of my great-nephew, you hear me, Jess?"

Jess nodded. "I will. I'll call you soon."

Jess put his duffel and the bag of takeout in the backseat and got into the car. He watched Jeremy do the same, taking in the boy's defeated posture and sad eyes. It hit Jess that he would be terrible at tough love. Jeremy had lied to him for a month about something serious, but all Jess could think about now, was reassuring the boy that everything was going to be ok.

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Jess waited until they were out of the center of town, driving through the wooded area at the outskirts of Stars Hollow, near the WalMart he used to work at. He felt much calmer and more ready to have this conversation now than he had even just half hour ago. When he had first seen Jeremy eating the apple with peanut butter, he had been pretty angry. He had pushed April through the kitchen and out onto the porch and vented to her about how Jeremy had lied to his face about this and had kept that lie up for an entire month. About how scared he had been when Jeremy told him, standing in the kitchen with an open container of peanut butter, petrified of causing the boy serious harm. He had bitched about Lorelai, too. She hadn't known that the allergy wasn't real and still served up a jar of peanut butter to his kid, seriously, she could have killed him. April had tried to talk him down, suggesting that maybe it had been a misunderstanding, but once Jeremy was trapped in the lie he had felt too embarrassed to get himself out of it. She had sort of defended her step-mother, admitting that Lorelai had probably forgotten about the allergy, because she was positive that her dad would have warned her about it, but claiming that that was just how Lorelai and Rory were when they were together, they kind of danced to their own beat and lost track of other people. But April knew Lorelai hadn't meant any harm and if it had been a real allergy, Jeremy would have spoken up, nothing would have happened. Jess knew it hadn't been a misunderstanding. It was a lie, and it hurt.

Jess took a deep breath and made a point of keeping his voice even, the volume normal. "Ok, Jeremy, I think we should talk about this." He glanced at his foster son, who lifted his head to look at him, eyes damp and red.

"I'm sorry, Jess. I'm so sorry."

"Thank you for that. I appreciate the apology. I can tell you feel guilty about what happened. What I don't understand is why you lied about it to begin with. You did lie, right? Just to be clear, you aren't allergic to peanuts, right?"

The boy nodded, head hanging slightly, eyes down. "Right. I'm not."

"Ok. So, why did you tell me you were? I really want to understand what happened here, Jeremy."

The boy shrugged, eyes still in his lap. "I don't really know. I…" The boy's voice cracked on the last word and Jess could feel his heart clench a little in sympathy. Jess watched a tear run down the boy's cheek and get quickly wiped away. He knew from experience how much it sucked to be held accountable for shitty past behavior. His mind flashed to his conversation with Jeremy in the boy's bedroom, of himself explaining that Luke had taken him back after California without making him apologize. How Jess had come back to get his car still acting like a punk and Luke had accepted him back and put a roof over his head to keep him from spending a cold night in his car, and they had moved on. He pulled the car over to the side of the dirt road. The boy looked up in surprise, his eyes big with a level of fear and apprehension that Jess never wanted Jeremy to feel toward him.

"Look, Jeremy-"

"Please, Jess." He sounded desperate. The tears started falling for real now. Jeremy brushed at his face with the backs of his hands.

"Jeremy, listen to me-"

"I don't know why I did it. I really don't. I didn't really know you back then. I guess I was scared of getting attached to you and I wanted to push you away. I wasn't really thinking. I would never lie to you now. I swear." Jeremy was shaking his head quickly from side to side.

"Jeremy, it's-"

"Please! Please, if you give me a second chance, I won't ever do anything like this again! I promise! I'm so sorry." Jeremy was getting himself worked up now, his crying closing in on real sobbing.

"Hey, c'mon, Jeremy-" Jess spoke softly, putting his hands on both of Jeremy's shoulders, trying to help center the boy.

"You can do whatever you want to me, Jess. I know I deserve it. I didn't mean to ruin everything. It was so stupid! I know I shouldn't have done it. And I felt so bad, but I didn't know how to tell you that I lied."

"Jeremy, you didn't ruin-."

The boy was hysterical now, sobbing and hiccuping. "I'm so sorry! You can punish me however you want for this. Ground me forever, make me do all the chores. I'll do anything. And, I promise, I won't say anything to Ms. Garcia if I get hit. I won't tell anyone."

"If you get hit?" Jess gave the boy a slight shake, freaked himself about how quickly this conversation had escalated out of his control. He had been ready to have a calm conversation about what happened with his almost adult foster son and now he felt like he was trying to calm an out of control small child. "Look at me, Jeremy." He waited for the boy to make eye contact as he sobbed. "You're not getting hit, ok? Don't say that. I would never hit you."

"I don't care if you do. I'd rather get hit than have you get rid of me. I really like living with you, and I really like your family. And I don't have anyone else. You're my last chance to have a family." The sobbing and hiccuping intensified. The boy was getting hysterical now, and Jess knew he needed to do something. "If you get rid of me, I won't have anyone. I'll be all alone."

Jess had a flash to standing on the Venice boardwalk, face to face with Jimmy, begging not to be put out by his own father, telling the man he had nothing and no one. Jess knew he had believed it at the time, had honestly felt the desperation that had ultimately earned him a mattress on the floor at Jimmy's for a few nights. But, looking at Jeremy now, Jess could see how much he had had even at that moment. A mother who was far from an ideal or even competent parent, but who was alive and trying to be in his life. And an uncle who would have continued to care and provide for him if he would have just swallowed his pride and agreed to redo his senior year. Jeremy was right about his own claim, though. The kid really didn't have anyone. He was turning eighteen in two months and he had no fallback family if it didn't work out here with Jess. This was it for him. His last chance. This had to work. Jess got that now. He wanted to do this right.

He turned off the car and got out, walking quickly over to the passenger side and opening Jeremy's door. "C'mere, Jeremy. Get out of the car."

The boy's crying had subsided slightly with his surprise at Jess' actions. He looked nervous as he stepped out onto the shoulder of the dirt road. Jess immediately pulled the boy to his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around Jeremy's back, cupping the back of his head with his palm. "You're not alone." He listened to the sounds of Jeremy crying, quietly now, into his shoulder, felt the wetness of the kid's tears through his t-shirt. "You're not alone."

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Jess waited, holding the boy until he was done crying, letting Jeremy be the one to pull away first. When the kid finally did, he was a mess, red-faced, tear stained and sniffling. He was looking down at the ground in front of him. "You ok?" Jess knew it was a stupid question, but he wasn't sure what else to say.

Jeremy nodded.

Jess thought about why he had gone through with fostering on his own to begin with, how he had wanted to prove to himself and everybody else that he could do something hard. It felt like do or die time. "Jeremy, I've done some thinking about the future, for me and you. I don't want you to think I haven't. It just…it always felt too soon to bring it up, since you've only been with me a month."

"I get it, Jess. It's fine. I'm sorry for this, for having a meltdown on you like this."

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Jeremy. I don't mind if you melt down on me. I guess that's what I'm trying to say. I want to be there for you. I want to be the person you melt down on, when you need to."

Jeremy looked at Jess now, his expression skeptical. He sniffed. "What do you mean?"

"I mean. I want to be the person who's here for you for whatever you need, especially the tough stuff. For as long as you want me to be. I feel like everything is still kind of new for me, but I really like you, Jeremy. My whole family likes you. You're a great kid and I really like having you live with me." Jess heard himself repeating the word 'like' and felt lame. He had envisioned himself telling Jeremy that he loved him when they eventually had this conversation, but he didn't feel like he was there yet, and he wanted to be honest. But it left him feeling as though he was delivering the mother of all half-assed marriage proposals. "I didn't realize how much this was weighing on you. And I should have. It probably makes me an idiot that I didn't. You turn eighteen in December and you want to be able to count on having someone that will stick with you after you age out of foster care. I get it. And I want to be that person for you."

Silent tears were streaking down Jeremy's face.

"I guess this is me letting you know that I want you in my life even when you're no longer in foster care. Even after you've turned eighteen and finished high school. I want you to be my kid forever. I want to share everyone in my family with you. And I'm up for making it official if you want to. But, no pressure if you don't. It's totally up to you."

"Official, like you would adopt me?" Jeremy's voice was barely audible on the last two words.

Jess nodded. "Yeah, like that. Like I would adopt you…...If you want."

Jeremy nodded, his expression solemn. "I definitely want. That's all I've wanted for so long. Are you sure?"

Jess managed to ignore the nervous sounding 'I think so' that immediately popped into his mind, replacing it with something he hoped sounded more convincing. "Yes, I'm sure, Jeremy. This is a big deal for me, too. I wouldn't have offered if I wasn't sure." Jess chuckled. "I don't exactly run around offering to adopt kids left and right, you know. Do I look like Brad Pitt to you?"

Jeremy smiled. "Thanks, Jess. This is really…..just thanks. This is the best thing anyone's ever done for me. Thank you so much. Seriously."

Jess had always pictured this conversation involving more excitement. Spontaneous hugging and 'I love you's,' and not as many formal 'thank you's.' This felt kind of anti-climactic to Jess. He hoped he was making the right decision here, that he wasn't rushing into something for the wrong reasons, again. He really did care about Jeremy, though. He knew that much was true. "I know we just hugged and everything, but I kind of feel like maybe we should do it again, now. A more celebratory hug this time. What do you say?" Jess smiled.

Jeremy nodded, a smile on his still flushed face, his eyes puffy and red. "Sure." They closed the distance between them and leaned into a quick embrace, the experience feeling more awkward than their previous hug. Jess attributed that to the time they had to consider and overthink the hug this time around. He made a mental note for next time, to just go right in for the hug like a normal person without trying to be charming or funny and announcing his intention beforehand. Jess did his best to not take the gracelessness of the hug as a bad sign.


	8. Chapter 8 - Jess and Jeremy Talk

**Chapter 8 Notes:** The boys are settling back into their lives in Philly after their weekend in Stars Hollows. They talk some things out. I hadn't meant to post again so quickly, but I can't seem to stop working on this story. Thanks, as always, to everyone who is still reading, following and reviewing! :)

 **Trigger Warning:** Brief mention of past emotional abuse

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jeremy sat through his last period physics class without really following the lecture. He had been distracted all day, thinking over the previous night's events. He was still stuck on Jess wanting to adopt him. Or, at least being willing to adopt him. Jeremy found himself feeling sensitive to the difference. The conversation hadn't gone the way he had always imagined it would when he finally found his forever family. Jess hadn't mentioned anything about loving him or wanting to be his dad. And Jeremy did realize that it was too early to call what they had love. He couldn't honestly say he loved Jess yet, either, but it had felt more like Jess had been offering to do him a favor. Which of course he was. A family was what Jeremy wanted more than anything, and he was grateful for the offer, no matter what Jess' motivation was for making it. And Jeremy knew that beggars couldn't be choosers, he had learned that lesson early, and he had no reservations about whether he wanted Jess to adopt him. He did. Jeremy was sensible enough to recognize a good thing when he saw it. Jess was a decent guy and Jeremy would gladly sign up for having him, along with Luke, April, Lorelai and Rory, as his family for the rest of his life. It was more than he ever thought he would have. But he couldn't shake the uncomfortable thought that Jess had only offered to adopt him because he was a nice guy who had felt backed into a corner when Jeremy had come unglued all over the side of the road. Jeremy wasn't sure it was fair to Jess, but he also wasn't sure he could afford to worry about that.

He still felt ashamed that he had broken down like he had. That Jess had now witnessed him crying twice in the short time they had been living together. And this last time had been bad, eclipsing his meltdown on the night he arrived at Jess' apartment in terms of magnitude and intensity. He hadn't cried like that since his mother died. He had gotten himself so wound up and scared. He had been so sure he had ruined things and that Jess wouldn't want him anymore after what he had done. He had seen his last chance to have a family crumbling. He cringed remembering how he had pleaded his case with the urgency of someone mentally unhinged, convinced that if he let Jess get a sentence out, the man would tell him that it just wasn't working out, wasn't the right fit, like so many foster parents had told him before. That he was a great kid, this just wasn't the right place for him. He had lost it and vomited a lifetime of fear and anxiety all over his foster father. And he was more mortified by that than by the lie. He knew the lie had made him look stupid and juvenile, but he felt that losing control like that made him look pathetic and weak, and that was worse.

The drive back to Philadelphia had felt much longer than the drive out, and the silence had felt awkward rather than companionable. After a few stilted attempts at conversation, mostly questions from Jess on whether Jeremy had had a good time in Stars Hollow and what his upcoming school week looked like in terms of tests or assignments, Jeremy had said he was tired and had asked if Jess minded if he took a nap. Jeremy thought he had detected a measure of relief in Jess' voice when he had told him to go for it, then quickly added that they still had some stuff to talk about, but they could do that tomorrow, when they were both fresh. Jeremy had spent the better part of the ride home facing the window, trying to sleep, but mostly retreating into his own head to think. The only thing Jeremy could think of that Jess might still want to discuss was his punishment. Jeremy knew he deserved some kind of negative consequence for lying to Jess for so long and causing him so much trouble. He accepted that. But, one thing that still bothered Jeremy was that they hadn't unpacked the trunk of the car when they had gotten back to Jess' apartment. Jess had carried in his duffel bag and the takeout containers and Jeremy had followed suit, shouldering his backpack and following Jess upstairs. The Petco bags of dog food, treats, and supplies including the two soft dog beds, one for Jeremy's bedroom and one for the living room, had remained in the trunk. Jeremy wanted to give Jess the benefit of the doubt that he had just forgotten about them. That maybe his off-the-cuff decision to adopt Jeremy had pushed thoughts of adopting Winston from his mind entirely. The other scarier possibility gnawed at Jeremy. That maybe Winston was out of the picture now and Jess had left the stuff in the trunk because it was going back to the store. Jeremy knew that even mostly nice people could sometimes dole out very cruel punishments when they were angry or felt slighted. He thought about the foster mother he had had around the time he turned eight, the one that had taken away his only picture of his mother for a week as punishment for disobeying her in front of a neighbor. He had spent every day of that week feeling alone and heartbroken and every night crying himself to sleep. He knew he didn't deserve a dog, or any kind of reward, right now, so he resolved to not say anything, to let Jess bring it up if they were still going to take Winston. And to just deal with it if they weren't.

But, the idea of Winston possibly being euthanized because of Jeremy stung. He felt miserable at the idea of Winston being put down instead of getting a forever family of his own. He could relate to Winston, living in an institutional setting with several caretakers, but no one who really loved him and would look out for him now when he needed it the most, and unwanted by adoptive families because he was older. He knew there was a good chance that he would have already teared up at the thought if he weren't sitting in the middle of class right now. He thought about how emotional he had become in the last few months, as his eighteenth birthday loomed just around the corner. He felt the constant stress of time running out on him and his life being on the verge of spiraling out of control. He remembered how even the smallest things had been able to trigger his anxiety or emotions during his last couples of months at the group home. He thought about a guy he had roomed with about a year ago. How Marcus had become increasingly aggressive leading up to turning eighteen, getting into fights at school and at the home, causing trouble with teachers and home staff, even getting arrested twice. Marcus' personality had changed drastically during that time and he had spent his last few weeks at the home being pissed off at everyone for the rotten hand he had been dealt. Jeremy understood it now. How the stress of aging out of the system on your own could take a toll on someone. It wasn't exactly bringing out the best in him either. He hadn't acted this irresponsibly or been this quick to tears in a long time.

The thing that gave him the most hope about Winston was that Jess had still packed his lunch this morning. When Jeremy had come out to the kitchen, dressed and ready for school, Jess had served him eggs and toast and had placed his lunch bag on the table next to him, like usual, telling him it was only pasta salad today because he hadn't hit the grocery store since before the weekend, but he would make sure to go that evening. Jeremy had felt a wave of shame and grief roll through him. He had told Jess that he could sign up for the free lunch program now if Jess wanted him to, since he didn't really have an allergy to worry about. Jess didn't need to make him lunch everyday if he no longer wanted to. Jeremy got it, and he'd be fine with the school lunches. Jess had sat down to breakfast with Jeremy, smiling as he dismissed the idea due to the poor quality food choices in school cafeterias. Jeremy, wanting to come clean and be fully transparent with his foster father, had explained that Michelle Obama had made the public schools serve healthier food, and how his last school had even had a salad bar. Jess had scoffed good naturedly, saying he had nothing but respect for Michelle and her husband, but was Michelle Obama going to know Jeremy's favorite kind of hummus to dip his veggies in, was Michelle Obama going to make sure there was a full serving of vegetarian sourced protein in each of Jeremy's lunches, was Michelle Obama going to draw smiley faces on Jeremy's napkins? That's right, Jess didn't think so. It had seemed impossible sitting at breakfast across from his grinning and obviously pleased with himself foster father to think that someone like Jess would go back on his word to take Winston in. Then Jeremy thought about how that same former foster mother who had taken away his mother's picture had also frequently made him chocolate pudding for dessert because she knew it was his favorite and how she had thrown him the one and only birthday party of his life when he turned eight. If there was one thing about people that Jeremy knew for sure, it was that they were complicated and unpredictable.

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Jess was walking home from work. Some days he hopped on a bus, turning his half hour walk into a ten minute ride, but today he wanted to clear his head. And he had ducked out early today, leaving the office around two o'clock so that he and Jeremy would have plenty of time to get over to the shelter before it closed at five. He knew this wasn't a big deal. Tons of people less responsible than him took care of dogs every day. He knew he would manage just fine. It just felt like his life was becoming more unrecognizable to him every day. He remembered how unencumbered he used to be. Thought back to how his life had been even just a year ago. Just him and Charisse, in their cozy one bedroom apartment, sleeping in on Sundays, spending lazy weekend days together, going out for brunch or shopping at the farmers market, hitting the gym or running whenever he wanted, and, his thinking vacillated on whether this made him selfish or independent, putting his own needs first. Now, he was living in a two bedroom apartment that he couldn't comfortably afford without Charisse, and he had a teenager who was dependent on him financially and emotionally. He had a living being in his life that he had made a lifelong commitment to the night before, and he was about to do the same with a second one today. It's not that he didn't want to adopt Jeremy, or Winston, it's just that right now all that change felt a little overwhelming.

Jess pulled his phone and ear buds out of his bag, connected them and hit the speed dial button for Luke before sliding the phone in his back pocket. He knew his uncle would have heard about the peanut situation by now from April and Jess felt like he owed Luke an explanation, or as much of one as he had. He hoped it wouldn't affect his uncle's relationship with Jeremy. Jess knew how much the boy had enjoyed spending time with his uncle and he didn't want him to feel uncomfortable around Luke over this.

Luke answered on the second ring. "So, I don't get it. Why would he lie about being allergic to peanuts?"

"Hello and good afternoon to you, too, Luke. It's good to hear your voice as well."

Jess heard Luke chuckle. "Sorry, Jess. I always enjoy hearing your voice. That should go without saying at this point."

"I take it April filled you in?"

"April and Lorelai both. And I have to say, I don't get it. Jeremy's a good kid. Why would he lie about that? You sure he actually lied and it wasn't just some kind of misunderstanding?"

"He definitely lied….what do you mean April and Lorelai both? What did Lorelai say about it?" Jess had assumed Lorelai had been oblivious to the whole situation.

"Just that she forgot about the allergy until she had already set out all the movie snacks. And that she didn't remember until Jeremy had already eaten an entire apple slice with peanut butter on it. She kind of figured that he didn't really have an allergy at that point, but she didn't say anything because she didn't want to embarrass him and make him uncomfortable. She said they were all having a good time and she didn't want to ruin it for him."

"Huh." April wasn't exactly close to Lorelai either, but she had always told Jess that Lorelai was a nicer person when Jess wasn't around, claiming that Jess and Lorelai made each other tense and less enjoyable to be around. He had never really believed her, but this gave him pause.

"But, I don't get it." Luke said again. "Why would he lie about that?"

"I don't really know. I've been thinking about it all day and all I can come up with is that he was mad at me. Or felt short-changed or disappointed, or something. It happened really early on. It was the day after the whole thing when he tried to sign himself up for school because I didn't wake up in time to take him. I remember even before the peanut conversation that he was kind of giving me attitude that day, like I could tell something was wrong, even though he wasn't admitting it. And, I don't know, but, I'm thinking he was angry at me and maybe wanted to get back at me."

"Ok. But, why a peanut allergy? It's such a random thing to lie about."

"I know. It is. All I can come up with is that I was making a peanut butter banana smoothie at the time. I was all excited about it, I mean I love that thing."

"I know you do."

"And I was telling him I'd been looking forward to it on my run, and I wanted to make him one, too. And maybe he saw that as a way to get me back, by not letting me have something I wanted?"

"That wasn't very nice."

"No, it wasn't, but I get it. I did some shitty things when I first got to Stars Hollow. I stole thirty-six dollars from the bridge fund at Doose's. Did I need that thirty-six dollars? No, I did not. I just saw it in the little jar at checkout and grabbed it. I think I was hurt and pissed about Liz sending me away and Stars Hollow being so lame, and I just wanted to lash out and make someone else feel hurt and pissed, too."

Luke was quiet for a moment. "Yeah, I mean, I guess when I think about it it's not so different from you stealing the bridge fund money or even that little elf statue from Babbette's lawn."

"I'm pretty sure it was a gnome. And, yeah, I didn't have a real reason for doing that stuff either except that I was an angry, stupid kid. And that Taylor sucked, of course. And that that gnome looked like a jerk and was asking for it."

Luke laughed softly. "So, you think Jeremy was just acting out cause he was upset? What did he say when you guys talked?"

"He didn't say much. I mean, he apologized. A lot. He seemed genuinely sorry. He got himself all worked up, crying and everything. But, he couldn't really explain why he had lied either. He knew it was crazy and made no sense, and he swore that he would never do it again. That he wouldn't lie to me now that he's gotten to know me. I still wish he had done something more like stealing a gnome. I mean, I have been on edge about this peanut thing for a month now. I'm constantly worried that I'm going to accidentally kill the kid by having traces of peanut on me from touching something at the office or shaking someone's hand or something after they've eaten a peanut. You have no idea what it's like to live with that kind of stress!"

Luke laughed. "Are you kidding?"

"Um, no." Jess answered sarcastically. "I know stealing was stupid, and probably made you question my moral character, but it wasn't exactly something that kept you up nights, worrying about me going into anaphylactic shock because someone ate a PBJ in my immediate vicinity. This is different."

"No, the stealing didn't keep me up at nights. I just saw that as you being a little punk." Luke's voice was serious. "But I definitely had my share of sleepless nights when you ran off to California and stayed gone for eight months without a word. I worried plenty about you, then, Jess. That something would happen to you and I would never even hear about it. That you could get mugged and murdered somewhere between here and there and I'd never see you again. I worried plenty."

Jess had called for advice, or maybe just to vent, not to end up feeling like shit about his past behavior.

"I'm sorry, Jess." Luke's voice was gentler now. "I shouldn't have brought that up."

Jess thought back to his conversation with Jeremy when they were working on his bedroom, how Jeremy had been appalled that Jess had never apologized for running away like he had. "It's ok, Luke. I know I never really apologized for putting you through that. And I want you to know that I am sorry. I was an ungrateful little shit back then, and I'm sorry. For the stealing, too, and my attitude, all of it."

Jess could practically hear Luke processing over the phone. "Thanks, Jess. I appreciate that. And, I forgive you. I forgave you a long time ago. I shouldn't have thrown it in your face just now. That wasn't right."

"It's ok, Luke." Jess turned onto the block his apartment was located on. "Well, I guess I should go. I'm almost home and Jeremy and I have a dog to adopt."

"All right. Thanks for calling. And good luck with everything, Jess. I know he did something stupid, but I really think Jeremy is a good kid."

"Yeah, he is."

"Hey, is he really a vegetarian or was that just to mess with you, too?"

Jess thought a moment. "Huh. That's a good question."

It wasn't until after Jess had hung up and was climbing the stairs to his apartment that he realized he hadn't told Luke about his plans to adopt Jeremy. The realization gave him a sinking feeling in his gut as it brought back the memory of Charisse berating him for not telling his family about their plans to foster, accusing him of having one foot out the door and not really being committed to going through with it. But, this was different. He knew it was. He was sure of it.

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Jeremy had only been home from school for a few minutes and was just setting himself up at the kitchen table with his homework when Jess let himself into the apartment, all smiles. "All right, Jeremy, you ready to go jailbreak our boy?" Jess was looking at him, then, his expression becoming serious. "Hey, are you ok?" Jeremy had been trying to prepare himself for the worst case scenario regarding Winston and he knew it must still be showing on his face. "You still want to do this, right? We don't have to take him if you've changed your mind?"

"What? No! I didn't change my mind. I still want him. I just didn't know…..uh, if we were still….." Jeremy had started to explain himself so that Jess wouldn't see him as not happy enough, or ungrateful, but he got stuck, not wanting to offend Jess with what he had been thinking.

Jess was frowning now, looking concerned and a little hurt. "Did you think I was going to go back on my word to get Winston?"

"Not necessarily. I just wasn't sure…...anymore…...because of what happened and everything…..."

"Because of the peanut stuff? You thought I was going to punish you for lying by letting the shelter kill the dog I already promised you that you could have? Seriously?" Jess was smiling again, but Jeremy could tell it was forced, that he had offended Jess, but the man was trying not to show it.

Jeremy wasn't sure what to say. Things like this were always awkward, explaining a world view that had been crafted from a childhood spent at the mercy of adults who weren't always that concerned with his feelings. He was never surprised by a broken promise, a thoughtless comment or being excluded from something. These weren't his only childhood memories, there had been caring people along the way, too, but these were things that had been imprinted upon him in his childhood often enough to leave a mark. And it was his experience that most people didn't understand the self-preservation instinct to always be prepared for disappointment, that it was him being prudent rather than cynical.

"I get that I'm not exactly Mike Brady, but c'mon, I'm not Joan Crawford either. Give me a little credit here." Jess' smile looked more natural now, like he was amused by the absurdity of the situation. Jess chuckled. "And, you have no idea who either of those people are, do you?"

Jeremy shook his head wordlessly.

Jess grinned. "Jeez, having a kid can really make a guy feel old."

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to offend you about Winston." Jeremy averted his eyes from his foster father.

"It's ok, Jeremy. You didn't. And please know that I'd never purposely do anything to hurt you, no matter what you've done. And, just so there's no confusion in the future, I view having someone you care about killed as falling squarely into the category of things that would hurt you, ok?"

When Jeremy looked back at Jess to nod his understanding, the man was smiling the open and warm smile that always made Jeremy smile back.

"Ok, I know we left all that stuff from Petco in the trunk last night, but I say we take the car to go get Winston first and unload it all when we get home, so we don't keep the little guy waiting. What do you think?"

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"So, I'm thinking that maybe we should stop volunteering at the shelter on Saturday mornings and keep taking Winston to the park instead. What do you think?" Jess asked. He watched his foster son as they walked down the sidewalk, Jeremy holding Winston's leash for a late evening walk. This had been a good decision. Jess was glad he had done it. Jeremy seemed more relaxed around Winston. And happier. The kid smiled more. But, after parting with a three hundred dollar 'suggested donation' at the shelter, and knowing that the shelter put down dogs who didn't get adopted and what a sensitive kid Jeremy was, Jess had decided they couldn't afford to go back. He didn't have the money or the space to rescue anyone else.

Jeremy nodded, his eyes following Winston, as the dog sniffed at the base of a skinny tree. "Yeah, that sounds good. I don't think Winston would appreciate it if we ditched him to go play with other dogs. Would you, buddy?" Jeremy's voice became more playful as he addressed the dog, who responded with a brief glance and quick tail wag, before returning to his sniffing.

"Ok. I'll call tomorrow and let them know." Jess was enjoying himself. It was a beautiful fall evening. The kind where the weather had cooled off enough to feel like a respite from the summer heat, but had not yet gotten so cold that it made him dread the coming winter. It was growing dark earlier, and walking around under the soft glow of the streetlights filled Jess with a feeling of warmth and gratitude for what he had in his new little family.

"So." Jess started. "I think we should talk about what happened this weekend, but after tonight, we don't ever need to bring it up again if you don't want to. Does that sound fair to you?"

Jeremy nodded slowly. "I guess so. Thanks for bringing me with you to visit your family, by the way. I really liked meeting them."

"It was my pleasure. They all liked meeting you, too. They're looking forward to seeing you at Thanksgiving."

Jeremy cringed. "Isn't it going to be weird now, though? I mean, they know I lied and everything, right? They probably aren't going to still want me around."

"I don't think that's true. I know you lied and I still want you around. I think they get that everyone does or says stupid stuff sometime. Trust me, they've all done their share of things they regret. They aren't going to hold it against you."

"Do they know already?" Jeremy kept his eyes locked on Winston, avoiding having to make eye contact with Jess.

"They do. And no one's mad at you, I promise. I spoke to Luke today and he was more worried about you than anything. He's not angry." Jess paused to give Jeremy a chance to respond if he wanted to. "I know you liked hanging out with him this weekend, and he really liked it, too. None of this has affected how he feels about you. I want you to know that. He's still very much looking forward to teaching you woodworking over Thanksgiving." While Luke hadn't specifically said that when Jess spoke to him, Jess trusted his uncle enough to know it was true.

"But, he turned his whole diner into a peanut free zone. He went to all that trouble for me….It couldn't _not_ have pissed him off. God, it's so embarrassing!"

"It is, for sure." Jeremy looked at him in surprise and Jess chuckled. "Hey, I'm just saying, I can see it from your side and I get why you're embarrassed. I'm always embarrassed when I do stupid stuff, too." Jess shrugged. "But, then life goes on and you get over it. And the only people who know about this are my family, who are your family now, too, and they aren't going to hold it over your head. Trust me." "So, one thing I've been wondering about is why you went for the peanut butter in front of Lorelai and Rory. I mean, even if I hadn't walked in, you had to know they would notice. Does Lorelai just put together such a good apple and peanut butter combo that you couldn't control yourself?"

Jess watched Jeremy's pale skin color a light pink. "I didn't mean to. I didn't say anything when she set everything out. I figured she forgot and I would just eat other stuff and avoid the peanut butter. But, then I was getting really into Buffy, and picking at all the snacks, and I just grabbed it without thinking and I had already bitten into it before I realized what I was doing. When they didn't say anything I figured maybe Luke hadn't told them, and then I grabbed another one. I had forgotten how good peanut butter is." The boy added sheepishly.

Jess laughed. "It is pretty great. I'm looking forward to being able to make my smoothies again."

Jeremy's face got even redder as he looked at Jess. "I'm really sorry about your blender. It looked expensive."

"It was. But, don't worry about the blender. I can get a new one."

"I'll pay you back. I'll go out looking for a job again. I feel really bad about that."

Jess shook his head. "Please don't worry about it Jeremy. I care much more about you being able to let this go, than I do about the money. Ok? It was just a thing. It can be replaced."

Jeremy was quiet for moment, and Jess watched him, wondering what the boy was thinking. When he spoke again his voice was soft, like he was trying to talk without calling too much attention to his question. "How come you didn't say anything when you walked in? At Lorelai's. How come you didn't call me out on it? I know you were pissed. I could tell."

"I was definitely angry at first. And a little hurt that you had lied to me. But, I didn't want to embarrass you in front of everyone like that. I figured I'd wait until we got out of there and then we could talk about it, just us."

Jeremy nodded, his eyes following Winston. "Well, thanks. I appreciate that. I think I would have died of embarrassment if you had said something about it in front of them."

Jess laughed. "I'm pretty sure you would have lived through it. But, it seemed unnecessary." Jess paused to collect his thoughts. "They're my family and I trust them and care about them, especially Luke and April, but you're my family now, too. And I want you to have all of them, but I also see us as our own little family of two, or three now." Jess gestured toward Winston. "Like our own little family within our larger family. I want you to know that you can trust me and that it's ok for some things to just be between us, and that I'll never purposely embarrass you in front of other people or tell anyone your secrets."

Jess heard Jeremy sniffle and really hoped the kid wasn't going to start crying again.

"Thanks. And, uh, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about last night. I'm sorry that I keep crying. I'm not usually like this. I just feel like everything's been extra hard this year. And, like now, it's good. I really like it here with you, but I keep having these meltdowns and I can't seem to control it."

"Jeremy you never have to apologize to me for being emotional. I get it. And being a teenager is tough, even without everything you've been dealing with on your own. I can't imagine going through what you have. I thought my life was hard when I was your age, but then I think about what you've been through and I realize that I didn't know shit from hard."

"Did you cry back then? When your mom sent you away?"

"I cried sometimes, sure. But, I mostly got angry. I blamed everyone else for whatever I didn't have or what I didn't like about my life or myself. I got in fights, I stole things, I got in trouble at school, I gave everyone, including Luke, all kinds of attitude. I was pretty unpleasant to be around. Maybe it would have helped me if I had cried more and actually dealt with my own feelings. If I had to pick between the two, I'd rather have you be emotional than angry and violent. At least you're trying to deal with stuff and work through what you're feeling. I just hid from how I felt. What I did didn't get me anywhere."

Jeremy was studying Jess now, a thoughtful expression on his face. Jess was starting to feel uncomfortable and wanted to move the topic away from his own shortcomings. "Hey, so I was wondering, are you really a vegetarian? That wasn't part of the lie, too, was it? I mean, you seem serious about that, but I wanted to make sure."

Jeremy blushed again. "Um, I guess this is the first time I've ever really been a vegetarian for more than just a couple of weeks at a time. But, not because I didn't want to in the past. I just couldn't always do it without going hungry. You're the first person I've lived with who's let me have this much say about what I eat. I tried to be vegetarian at the last group home I was at, but it was hard. I could avoid eating meat, but there wasn't always enough other stuff, especially protein, to really get full on. I was always hungry and not even eating healthy most of the time. Like if I wanted to be vegetarian on burger night, I would be left eating just french fries and coleslaw. So, I never stuck with it for very long. No one else has ever helped me do it like you have. You're ok with it, right? If I want to keep being vegetarian? I can start helping more, though. I can cook a few nights a week or something like that, whatever you want."

Jess nodded. "It's fine if you want to be vegetarian, Jeremy. I don't want to put you to work in the kitchen when you're supposed to be studying, but we can definitely cook together more often if that's something you're interested in doing."

"Ok." Jeremy smiled at Jess. "Thanks. And thanks for being so cool about everything. I know I don't deserve how nice you're being to me about what I did, but, I really, really appreciate it. I want you to know that."

"Yeah, well, what can I say, I'm a pretty cool guy." Jess thought a moment, wanting Jeremy to know he was forgiven with no hard feelings, but knowing that he should express his displeasure with the boy's behavior before they completely moved on. "Just so you know, this was a one time free pass because I know you were stressed and dealing with a lot of shit that I can't even begin to really understand." Jess used his best stern voice. "But, that won't be a good enough excuse next time. I can assure you that I won't be so cool if anything like this ever happens again, Jeremy. I want to give you fair warning on that. If you ever lie to me again, about anything, Jeremy, so help me-."

"I won't! I swear! I'll never do anything like this again."

Jess was relieved to be interrupted. He hadn't really known where he was going with that threat, and he realized that Jeremy had probably saved him from a lot of awkward, verbal fumbling. What could he reasonably do to punish an almost eighteen-year old, anyway? Ground him until he's twenty-one? Send him to his room like a little kid? Jess knew that all he was likely to do if he ever caught Jeremy in another lie would be to express his anger and disappointment with the boy's behavior. And while he knew that made for a pretty lame threat, he felt like he needed to make sure Jeremy had cut him off before he got to possible punishments because of his own guilt and normal teenage embarrassment as opposed to fear over what he thought Jess might say. "Ok. I believe you. But, I need you to know that if it did happen again, I wouldn't take it so well. I'd be pretty angry and disappointed in you. Maybe I'd even raise my voice a little." Jess paused to let that sink in. "But I wouldn't get rid of you or stop caring about you. It's important to me that you know that. That I'm serious about the commitment we're making here and that nothing you can do will make me stop being your family. Ok?" That felt better, and Jess mentally patted himself on the back for pushing through that conversation.

"Ok." Jeremy nodded, his eyes forward, not looking at Jess, his voice soft and low. "Thanks."

They walked in silence for several minutes, but this time it felt companionable. "Your family is really nice."

"Yeah." Jess agreed. "They're not bad."

"Even Lorelai. I had fun with her. She's a nice person."

Jess looked at Jeremy, wondering where the kid was going with this. "Yeah, I know."

"You guys aren't close, though, huh? You don't seem to like her very much."

Jess debated about how honest to be with Jeremy, not wanting to taint the kid's relationship with someone who would technically be a part of his family now, but not wanting to lie to him either. "I like her just fine. We had some issues with each other when I was younger, but we're fine now."

"Huh." Jeremy's voice was skeptical.

"What?"

"Nothing." Jeremy was smirking slightly now. "You just have a different attitude when you're with her. I mean, you 'whatever'ed her and everything."

"I did not!" Jess tried to remember if he had. He didn't think so.

"Yeah, you did, about the Bop-It. You were all." Jeremy deepened his voice, turning it into an exaggeratedly grumpy growl. "Whatever, Lorelai."

Oh, that. "Yeah, well, Bop-It's stupid."

Jeremy laughed. "But, that was like basically the only rule you gave me when I got here. That I couldn't 'whatever' you. It was just funny seeing you do it to your aunt."

"I wouldn't exactly call Lorelai my aunt."

Jeremy was grinning now. "But, she's married to your uncle!"

"Stop." Jess kept his voice obviously playful, not wanting to do anything to make Jeremy uncomfortable enough to end this interaction.

"So, that makes her your Aunt Lorelai, doesn't it?"

Jess let his face register exaggerated displeasure at the reference. "Remind me to wash your mouth out with soap for that when I get you home."

Jess grinned as he watched Jeremy laughing, feeling like it was a good sign that the boy was actually giving him a hard time about something, that he was comfortable enough with Jess, trusted him enough, to do that now.

Jess pulled one of the green bags from Petco out of his pocket and held it out to his foster son. "Hey Jeremy, I think your dog just left you a present over there."


	9. Chapter 9 - Grades, College & Money

**Chapter 9 Notes** : Jess and Jeremy make some progress in their relationship and have a couple of conversations. Jess stresses. Thanks to everyone who is reading, following and reviewing my little story. I'm always interested in your feedback. Your reviews make my day and help keep me motivated! :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Jess was just putting dinner on the table that Jeremy had finished setting. Chris and Matthew had been pushing everyone over the last few weeks to make as much progress with their current projects as possible, so Jess had stayed at the office late to have a call with one of his authors and had just heated up leftover millet patties and sweet potato fries for dinner. He had the feeling that something was up at Truncheon, but he wasn't sure what, and Chris and Matthew had been gone most of this week, checking in by email and over the phone, so Jess hadn't had a chance to speak with them in private. Jess did his best to push thoughts of work out of his head to focus on his foster son.

"So, how was school today?" Jess asked as he sat down across the table from Jeremy.

"It was good. We got our first quarter grades today."

"Yeah? Go grab your report card. You can show me while we eat."

Jeremy finished chewing before he spoke. "Oh, it's not like that anymore. We don't get a hardcopy report card. They just post the grades online on the school website. But, I can pull them up and show you if you want."

"Really? No paper copy at all?" Jess felt a little let down at the news. He knew school had changed significantly since he had attended, and that the majority of what Jeremy did seemed to be online now. But, he had still expected a physical copy for something as important as a report card. He knew Jeremy's report card would be good, and he had been looking forward to putting it up on the fridge to show Jeremy how proud he was of his success in school.

"Yeah." Jeremy was looking at him quizzically. "Why do you sound so disappointed about that?"

"Huh? I'm not. I just thought a paper copy would be nice. To put up on the fridge and stuff."

Jeremy laughed. "Yeah, I've seen that in old movies."

Jess chuckled. "So, how did you do, smart guy?"

"Good. All A's. Well, two A minuses, but those are still in the A family, so I think they count."

Jess smiled proudly. "That's great. Good job, Jeremy. I'm really proud of you."

Jeremy smiled as he picked up a fry and dipped it in ketchup. "Thanks."

"Now, I really feel like your school is short-changing me. My kid gets all A's and I don't get a report card to hang on the fridge. I mean if they're trying to save money or paper or something, they don't have to give report cards to the lazy kids, but it seems like the kids who work their asses off for A's should still get them. Just sayin."

Jeremy laughed. "If it means that much to you, I can try to print something out at the computer lab tomorrow. They have printers there." Jess' printer had stopped working the week before and had yet to be fixed or replaced.

"Thank you, but you don't have to do that. I'll live." Jess tried to keep his tone light. "If the Philadelphia school system wants to deny me this parental rite of passage, so be it. I already missed out on getting to hang up your crappy little kid art projects, and now this." Jess was going for sarcastic nonchalance now, not entirely comfortable with how sad this was actually making him as it triggered thoughts about all the other rites of passage he had missed out on during his foster son's early years and how soon he would lose the boy altogether when he left for college. "But, hey, if that's how your school wants to be…..." Jess shrugged, as if to say what are you gonna do.

Jeremy was studying him seriously now, and Jess felt the discomfort he always felt when he feared he may have embarrassed himself by revealing too much of what he was feeling. He quickly changed the subject. "So, how should I reward you for a good report card? What do parents do these days? Take their A-student children out for ice cream? Give 'em five bucks per A?"

Jeremy smiled. "I seriously doubt anyone in my class has parents who took them out for ice cream tonight to reward them for their grades. Is that what Luke used to do with you back when you brought home your old-fashioned paper report card?"

"Hey, don't mock, kid. And, no, Luke never took me out for ice cream for my report card, but I don't think I ever brought home a grade that deserved a reward. If I had ever brought home straight A's, I think Luke would have bought me a freaking pony."

Jeremy laughed. "Well, I definitely don't want a pony. I think Winston would get jealous." Jeremy's expression turned serious. "Seriously, I'm good. You already reward me enough."

"All right, if you're sure. I just don't want you to feel like you're missing out on anything."

"I don't. I swear."

"I really am proud of you, Jeremy. I want you to know that. I think it's impressive how hard you work at school to get the kind of grades you do. It couldn't have been easy keeping up with your school work when you had to switch schools so many times over the years, especially when everything else in your life was always being changed up on you, too. I really respect how you were able to keep everything together the way you have. You should be proud of yourself for that."

Jeremy looked down at his plate as he nodded. Jess could see a hint of a blush on the boy's cheeks. "Thanks, Jess."

The next morning, Jess went to the refrigerator to get out the eggs for breakfast and stopped short at the sight that greeted him. A ripped out piece of notebook paper, held to the fridge sideways with magnets, with a childlike drawing of two stick figures done in magic marker. The one with 'Jess' written above its head was broader, with a hollow rectangle for a body, shaggy black hair, a big smile, and a book held in one hand. The slightly taller figure labeled 'Jeremy' had a torso that was just one thin wavy line, which made Jess smile at the kid's depiction of his own scrawniness, with short, dirty blond hair and a red line extending from his right hand down to a small brownish blob labeled 'Winston' with black eyes and nose curled up on a few blades of green grass at his feet. In the top left-hand corner was neat printing: 'I don't want you to miss out on anything either.'

Jess was grinning broadly by the time he had taken in the whole picture. He grabbed a pen off the table and returned to the fridge, where he made one small edit, adding '(best kid ever)' after Jeremy's name. He paused for a moment, considering his options, before writing '(luckiest dad ever)' after his own. He took one last look before grabbing the eggs and starting on breakfast.

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Later that week, Jess sat in front of his laptop at the kitchen table, staring at an excel schedule while he lifted a spoonful of chocolate ice cream to his mouth. Or, more accurately, non-dairy, coconut-milk-based frozen dessert. He had gotten in the habit of keeping a pint-sized tub of the stuff hidden behind the frozen vegetables in the freezer when he had lived with Charisse, not wanting to get caught indulging in this vice, but wanting the treat available for the rare times when he found himself up in the middle of the night, stressed and in need of physical comfort. Like tonight. And, Jeremy and Winston were already in bed, so there was no one to judge him. Not that he thought they would. Not that Charisse ever really had either, except in a gently teasing way, and mostly about how obsessed he would be with getting in enough cardio the next morning. And he knew it was much better than how he used to deal with stress in his younger days, pre-Charisse, when he'd use whiskey or gin to take the edge off a lonely and stressful night. But still, it always felt safer to hide his weaknesses, even from the people closest to him.

Jess was reviewing his budget and not liking what he was seeing. His housing costs were too high without another working adult helping him shoulder the burden. He had known that as soon as Charisse had left, but had turned a blind eye to the problem and plowed ahead with fostering anyway, determined to see it through. He could afford to stay in the city if it was just him, in a small one-bedroom apartment somewhere, but swinging a two-bedroom, with how out of control the rents had become in Philadelphia, was tough. And now he was stuck. Even if he wanted to break his lease, he didn't feel like he would be left with any good options. To rent a two-bedroom that he could comfortably afford, they would need to move out of the city, meaning Jeremy would need to switch schools for the second time during his senior year. And, while the last switch was early enough in the academic year that it probably hadn't impacted the kid's education that much, it was now early November, two full months into the school year. Jess didn't want to ask Jeremy to do that.

Jess tried to picture what his life would be like at this time next year, but so much was up in the air. He wondered if Jeremy would go away to college and live in a dorm, leaving Jess paying more than he could afford in rent to provide Jeremy with his own room a few nights a year, on school breaks and holidays. Or if Jess would be living outside the city, with a two-bedroom he could afford, but a location he didn't want to spend the next four years in, alone. Jess tried to avoid thinking about next year as much as possible. It still felt like he had just gotten Jeremy and he didn't enjoy thinking about the boy leaving him so soon. And, being alone again. Now that they were going to go through with an adoption, he was confident that they would stay in each other's lives, but he also realized that the thing that had helped him the most to feel ok again after Charisse left had been having Jeremy to take care of and spend time with. He wasn't sure how he was going to fill the new void in his life when Jeremy was the one who left. He didn't think Winston was going to cut it.

Jess sighed, knowing it was too late to let himself dwell on such depressing thoughts. It never led to anything good at three a.m. He brought his focus back to his current situation, looking over the list of expenses he had already incurred since he had started fostering. First, had been a cell phone for Jeremy, and the addition to his monthly expenses when he added Jeremy to his plan. Then the laptop when he realized how much kids needed to do on computers for school these days and he had gotten tired of sharing his, which he often needed to use for work in the evenings. Then there was Winston. Jess had to admit that he had come to enjoy the little guy's company. But, he had already spent a ton of money there, on adoption costs, pet supplies, food and treats, and one very expensive trip to the vet involving something called a senior panel that had inspired him to add 'Research Pet Insurance' to the running list of to-do's he kept on his phone. He had bought Jeremy some new stuff for his room, nothing major just some posters, a bean bag chair for reading on and a floor lamp to read under. Some more socks and underwear since the kid had arrived with less than a week's worth of each.

He had also seen sizable upticks in his monthly spending on groceries, toiletries and dinner's out. He briefly entertained the idea of having Jeremy sign up for the free lunch program at school, but it felt wrong after he had told Jeremy twice now that he liked packing his lunch for him. And he did. And he felt like Jeremy appreciated the gesture. Jess felt like he was investing in their relationship by doing this one small daily task of caretaking that felt so closely linked to loving parenting. In a way, Jess felt like every time he packed Jeremy a lunch or did some other caring, parent-type task for the boy, it helped erase some of the hurt that Jess still felt over how much parental caretaking had been missing from his own childhood. The idea that he could be someone capable of doing the same small acts of kindness for his child that he had never received from his own parents appealed to Jess. It made him feel like a good person, solid, responsible and loving. He decided it was worth the expense of keeping it in their routine.

Jess knew he been rash with the money he received from the county for fostering Jeremy. He received slightly under $1,000 at the beginning of each month, tax-free, since it was technically a reimbursement for what he had spent caring for Jeremy the previous month as opposed to compensation for services performed. When he had received his first deposit at the beginning of October, he had felt an overwhelming sense that it was only right to share it with Jeremy, in a more meaningful way than just a few bucks a week for allowance. It was his money, too. Jess figured the kid had earned at least that much for suffering through the kind of childhood he'd had. He had taken Jeremy to the bank and signed his name so the boy could open his first bank account with half of the monthly stipend Jess had received. Jess would remove his own name from the account once Jeremy turned eighteen. Jess would keep the other half of the stipend and use it towards the boy's support. Jeremy had objected that it was too much, but Jess had insisted, assuring Jeremy that he wanted to do this for him, that he wanted him to have something put away that was his for when he went to college.

Jess had taken the boy home and shown him how to access his account online and how to create a basic budget, where the majority of the money he received would remain in the savings account and Jeremy would withdraw a small amount for spending money each month and budget it to make it last until the next. Jeremy had nodded solemnly at everything Jess said and started to work on his own budget in excel. He had insisted that if Jess was going to give him this money, he wanted to do more chores around the apartment and also take over the costs related to Winston. Jess had tried to protest Jeremy's amendments, claiming Winston was a household expense, not just Jeremy's responsibility, and that the kid already did enough around the apartment. Jess often found his dirty dishes cleaned and his laundry done before he could get to them. The boy had gone out job hunting again the previous weekend, but hadn't had any luck yet, and Jess could tell he felt awkward about accepting his new windfall. Jess had given in, agreeing that Jeremy could pay for all Winston's regular expenses, food, treats, toys and poop bags, but Jess would still cover the big stuff, like trips to the vet. Jeremy had agreed and added another section to his budget.

Jeremy had thanked Jess, with a serious expression on his face, telling him that this was so much more than anyone else had ever done for him, and how grateful he was. Jess could admit to himself that he loved hearing that, loved how it made him feel like a good guy, a parent Jeremy could look back on fondly later in life. The boy had told Jess that he was still looking for a job, even though Jess had told him he didn't need one, but it was hard for a teenager to find a job in the city. All the places that Jeremy thought might hire a teenager, fast food restaurants, convenience stores, all seemed to be staffed by adults instead, who didn't need to work around school schedules. But, he didn't want to mooch off Jess. He would only take this money if Jess was sure it was ok, and that Jess didn't need it for himself, or to pay for Jeremy's food and stuff. It was ok with Jeremy if he did. Jess had smiled and assured him that he wanted Jeremy to have it. That Jeremy needed to learn to manage his own money, and what better time to start than when he still had a free roof over his head and food on the table. Jess had pointed out that Jeremy was going to be his kid soon and most parents didn't get paid at all for taking care of their own kid, and if they could do it without any help, Jess could certainly manage it with half the money from social services. Jeremy had smiled that grateful smile he always gave Jess over the smallest kindnesses, and Jess had known in his heart that he had made the right decision. He was going to be Jeremy's dad, and he would find a way to keep them afloat and take care of his kid, just like a real parent.

As Jess thought back on that day now, it still warmed his heart. Jeremy was a great kid and he deserved to have a little something tucked away to make him feel safe. Most kids had parents who opened savings accounts for them when they were born, relatives who sent them twenties and fifties in colorful cards on birthdays and Christmas. Some had saved a few thousand dollars by the time they were Jeremy's age. Jeremy had missed out on all that, and Jess wanted to do everything in his power to give the kid as much security as he could to make up for it. Even as his own budget indicated that he was dipping into his savings each month just to make ends meet. Jess thought about the emergency procedure announced on planes that was popularly applied to personal finances in online articles, about how a person needed to secure his own oxygen mask first during the loss of cabin pressure, before he could help his child with his. He was starting to see the wisdom in that. He sighed and plunged his spoon in for another scoop, but the carton was already empty.

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"So, how are your college applications going?"

Jeremy looked up from his spot on the grass, where he was lying next to the dog, giving Winston a belly rub while the dog lay splayed out on his back, tongue lolling out the side of his mouth. They had continued bringing Winston to the park every Saturday morning to walk around and spend some time letting the little guy relax on the grass. Jeremy thought Winston appreciated getting to stretch out on the grass the most. There wasn't much of it in their neighborhood, and it seemed to be what made Winston the happiest. Jeremy liked this part of their weekly routine for another reason, too. He liked the undivided attention he got from his foster father, and the relaxed feel to the conversations they had there. This morning, though, Jess had been quieter than usual. He looked tired and a little rundown, had even nodded off on the grass for a few minutes when they had first settled in. Jeremy hoped everything was ok. He had heard of foster kids being removed when an otherwise devoted foster parent had become seriously ill. Then he felt a stab of guilt for his selfishness at worrying about how a serious health issue for Jess would affect his own situation.

"The applications are going ok. I have most of the forms filled out, and I think I'm good with most of the short-answer questions. I really just need to finish my personal essay and review everything else a few more times to make sure I haven't missed anything. I should be fine, I think."

"I'd be happy to take a look at your essay if you want."

"Oh, uh….yeah?" Jeremy stalled, not sure he wanted to share his essay with Jess, but not sure how to say that either.

Jess laughed lightly. "Yeah. I mean, I've never applied to college or anything, but I do edit other people's writing for a living. I think I could still be useful."

Jeremy sat up then. "Oh, of course you could, I didn't mean it like that!" Jeremy hadn't meant to imply that Jess couldn't be helpful since he hadn't gone to college and gone through the process himself. "I know you would still be useful. I'm sorry! I didn't mean-"

"Jeremy, relax. It's ok. You didn't offend me. You don't need to apologize when you haven't done anything wrong. Ok?" Jess was smiling fondly at him now. "Do I need to start punishing you every time you apologize for something that isn't your fault?" Jess was smirking now. "Like, one demerit every time you give me a superfluous apology, then when you get to ten, you don't get to leave your room for a week or something like that?"

Jeremy knew his foster father was joking about punishing him for it, but he also knew all his apologizing did drive Jess crazy. And he understood, it always felt so weak and pathetically people pleasing even to his own ears, but at this point it was a knee jerk reaction. He knew how quickly the atmosphere at a placement could change when you inadvertently offended a foster parent, and he had learned to be diligent about avoiding saying anything that could be perceived as an unintended slight, and to apologize profusely when he had been stupid enough to do it anyway. And, even now, when he knew Jess was serious about their relationship and about adopting him, and when the man gave him a lot more leeway to express himself than most foster parents had, Jeremy still found himself stuck in the same habits.

Jeremy took a breath to calm himself down, annoyed with himself for his overreaction, and wanting to come across as someone capable of being normal. He infused playfulness in his voice to match Jess' tone. "I don't know. A week's a long time to be locked in my room. I think I'd really miss you and Winston. Maybe you could just smack me around or not feed me instead."

"Deal!" Jess responded with a grin, his voice full of eager enthusiasm as the warm smile on his face belied his words. "Look, it's fine that you apologize to me even when you haven't done anything, Jeremy. You're my kid and I'm not going to take advantage of you for it. But, I worry about you being like that with other people. If you're always taking the blame for everything and thinking you did something wrong, I worry about other people letting you believe that even when it's not true and taking advantage of you. That's all. It doesn't make me mad when you do it. I just think it's unnecessary, and that it's a habit that could complicate your life with people that don't care about you as much as I do."

Jeremy nodded, looking down at Winston. "I get what you're saying. And I agree with you. I don't like that I apologize so much either." He shrugged. "It's just hard to break a habit, sometimes, when you've been doing something for so long."

Jess looked at Jeremy thoughtfully. "I know it is. And I don't mean to make you feel bad about it or anything. I think you're great just the way you are. And if you apologize to me about something trivial every day for the rest of my life, I'll still think you're great and want to be around you."

Jeremy nodded wordlessly, his eyes still on Winston's relaxed face. He never knew how to respond to stuff like this. Jess had said for the rest of his life. They had already talked about adoption so Jeremy shouldn't have been so caught off guard by Jess' phrasing, but he was. The idea of knowing Jess for the rest of his life tugged at his heart and made him feel emotional. He had felt the same earlier in the week when he had seen what Jess had added to his drawing. It had been Jess' first use of the word 'dad' instead of 'parent' in reference to his relationship to Jeremy and it had affected Jeremy more than he would have expected. He had stood frozen, facing the refrigerator with the carton of orange juice in his hands, needing a moment to compose himself before turning back toward Jess.

"Ok." Jess spoke up after a few minutes. "I didn't mean to go off on a tangent like that. I believe we were talking about me proofreading your essay."

Jeremy looked back down at Winston. "Maybe you could look over the rest of the application if you want, to make sure I haven't missed anything."

"Sure, I'd be happy to do that, too. It's probably a good idea to get a second set of eyes on all of it, just to make sure all the i's are dotted and t's are crossed."

Jeremy knew his essay had a dark theme, one that Jess might not appreciate. The instructions had been to write about something significant in his life and he had focused on the worst aspects. The death of his mother, the incarceration and suicide of his father, his years in foster care feeling hopeless and overlooked, the feeling of complete aloneness that had always driven him to do his best in school, knowing that he may never have another person in his life that he could really depend on, so he had to take full advantage of his education to put himself in the best possible position to take care of himself in the future. Jess featured into the essay, too, but Jeremy was aware that it probably wasn't how Jess would expect to see himself. Jeremy had written about finally having someone who wanted to adopt him and how grateful Jeremy was for that, but how he knew he couldn't let his guard down now. How he didn't want to let himself get too dependent on having Jess in his life, because unexpected things happened all the time. Good intentions went bad, adoptions were disrupted, people faded away. Jeremy had a feeling that Jess would be hurt by not being portrayed as the hero of Jeremy's story. And it's not like Jeremy wasn't grateful to Jess for everything he had done, he was, so much, but it still felt too early and everything still felt too uncertain to act like his story had a happy ending.

"That would be great, Jess. I'd really appreciate that." There were college-prep counselors at school who would do the same, but Jeremy didn't want to hurt Jess' feelings by rejecting his offer to help completely. "You could proofread the short-answer questions, too, if you want…..but, uh, my essay is kind of…...personal." Jeremy realized instantly as he watched Jess' face fall that he hadn't worded that as well as he should have, and Jess had taken it as a rejection.

The hurt expression flickered from Jess' face as quickly as it had arrived, but Jeremy could tell Jess had forced it away for his sake. "Ok. That's cool. It sounds like you have everything under control, then. Just let me know when you want me to look at the rest of it."

Jeremy looked down as he slowly moved one hand back and forth over Winston's warm belly. "I'm sorry, Jess-"

"It's fine, Jeremy." Jess' expression was neutral, but his voice wasn't unkind. "There's nothing to apologize for here. I get that it's personal. You don't have to show me your essay if you don't want to."

"It's just that it's about some parts of my life that I haven't told you about, and I don't know. I feel like a lot of it is…...uncomfortable for me."

Jess was smiling at Jeremy now and Jeremy couldn't tell if it was genuine or not. "It's ok, Jeremy. I'm not mad. You didn't hurt my feelings. I get it. It's all right."

"I know it's probably stupid, but I like having you think of me the way I am now, without knowing all the shitty details of my pathetic childhood." Jeremy knew this was true, too, as soon as he said it he recognized the validity of it. It just wasn't the only reason he didn't want Jess to read his essay.

"That's fair. I can understand wanting privacy about your past. Really, it's ok." Jess paused and averted his eyes for a second, and when he looked back at Jeremy, the boy could tell the man was being genuine, and that he understood. "Just please know that there's nothing you could tell me about what you've been through that would make me think less of you or stop caring about you. And, if you ever do want to talk about anything from your past, I'm here to listen. But, no pressure. Ok?"

Jeremy sighed with relief. He didn't want to show Jess his essay, but he really didn't want it to cause problems between them either. "Ok. Thanks for understanding."

Jess was smiling his contagious smile, and Jeremy found himself automatically returning it.

"No problem. I'm an understanding guy." The grin turned into a smirk. "Just promise me that if I'm in it, you don't make me look like Miss Hannigan."

Jeremy laughed. "And, here I thought you'd appreciate being compared to Cameron Diaz. Guess I need to re-write that part."

Jess' puzzled expression made Jeremy laugh more. "What does Cameron Diaz have to do with anything?"

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The following Monday, Chris and Matthew were back at Truncheon. Chris asked Jess in the afternoon if he could hang back for a few minutes after everyone left that day. They had something that they wanted to discuss with him in private. Jess had spent the last couple of hours of the day distracted by what it could be. Chris had been smiling when he had spoken to Jess so he couldn't imagine it was anything bad. But, there had been so much change in his home life lately, that he felt a little unsettled at the prospect of changes at his job, too. He really hoped they weren't going to give him a second chance at buying in as a partner. The timing was all wrong now, too, but he felt uncomfortable about the idea that he would be rejecting them twice. He wouldn't blame them if they moved on and asked the next person on their list, probably Donna, instead of him. He had been hoping for a little more time to get his finances in order to the point that he would be ready to make the investment. But, maybe this chance to own a little piece of something was too good to pass up. Maybe he should talk to Luke about a loan instead of rejecting the offer outright this time.

A few hours later, the office was empty except for Jess, Chris and Matthew, who were sitting around the table in the one small conference room. From the way they were both grinning like idiots, Jess knew this wasn't a partnership offer. This was something bigger than him.

Chris smiled at Matthew. "You can do the honors, if you want, Mattie. I don't want you crying that I stole your thunder later."

Matthew laughed. "You do like doing that to me. Don't think I haven't noticed." They both turned their attention to Jess as Matthew started talking. "So we have really big news! And we wanted to share it with you first. I mean after our families, of course, but first before the other staff, since you've been with us the longest, almost from the very beginning. You have been a part of Truncheon since its humble beginnings. We appreciate the loyalty you have shown us and Truncheon over the years. I mean that. And, this is good news! At least for everyone in this room, not necessarily for everyone else-"

"We sold Truncheon!" Chris cut in, and Matthew turned to him with a frown.

Jess was still processing the news as he watched Matthew turn to Chris accusingly. "You always do that!"

"You were taking too long, man." Chris explained with a smile and a casual shrug. "We all have kids to get home to. This isn't open mic night. No one here has time for your dramatic monologue."

Jess started feeling the edge of panic at what this meant for him, but he wanted to look like a supportive friend to two guys who had been great to him over the last decade plus of employment and friendship. "What? That's amazing! Congratulations! I didn't even realize you were looking to sell." Jess remembered Matthew saying that it was good news for everything in this room, so maybe that meant Jess would still have a job.

Matthew was smiling again. "We weren't shopping around for a buyer or anything, but when the biggest publishing company in the world makes you an offer you can't refuse, what can you do?"

Jess was impressed. "Penguin Random House?"

"That's the one!" Chris said. "Truncheon is going to be a subsidiary. They were familiar with a lot of our stuff. They feel like we've tapped into a niche market that they want a bigger piece of."

Matthew jumped in. "They complimented our eye for curating a collection that is attractive to the hard to reach market of young urban male novel-reading professionals. That's pretty much a quote from the first letter they sent us to gauge our interest in selling."

"That's really impressive, guys. I'm happy for you." Jess still didn't know what this meant for him, and no one seemed to be in a rush to tell him.

"Oh, and we get to bring one employee with us, so of course, we picked you! We didn't even need to think about it." Matthew gushed.

"Yeah, Jess. A lot of the titles they mentioned in our meetings were books that you had chosen and worked on. And they swear that we'll still have creative control over our tiny little corner of the company. We'll still have final say over what we choose to publish under the Truncheon name, since our taste in authors and book selection is what they want Truncheon for to begin with. And you've been a huge part of developing Truncheon's taste. The only change will be that we'll have the financial resources of a major publishing house behind us now."

" _The_ major publishing house! No more flying coach to author meetings on the west coast or staying in cheap motels! Speaking of which." Matthew hurried from the room and returned with a bottle of champagne and three flutes. "I think a celebration is in order!"

"And, we haven't officially submitted you for the position." Chris said. "Because we wanted to talk to you first, of course, but what they were throwing around for pay when we mentioned having a senior editor in mind and how long you'd been with us, was in the range of a twenty to thirty percent bump up from what you make now. So, it's good news for you, too. Like I said, it's not official yet, but that sounds pretty good right?"

"Yeah, definitely." Jess was smiling now, at the idea that not only was his job safe, but that he could expect a much-needed raise as well. "What happens to everyone else?"

"Sadly, we need to let everyone else go." Matthew was distractedly struggling to open the champagne bottle. "They will all get generous severance packages based on how long they've been with us, but we can't take everyone. Penguin Random House, I love saying that name, is doing some internal reorganizing and they're going to provide the rest of the staff for our group from their current pool of employees."

"They're getting that many of their people to move here?" Jess asked, confused. "They don't already have an office in Philly, do they?"

He watched Chris and Matthew exchange looks, and he realized what Chris was going to say before he spoke. "They aren't moving here, Jess. Truncheon is moving to New York."

"Do either of you gentlemen know how to pop the top on this thing?" Chris turned to Matthew to help with the champagne, and Jess realized he was clutching the arms of his chair tightly enough that his hands hurt. He took a steadying breath. Shit.


	10. Chapter 10 - New York

**Chapter 10 Notes:** Conversations are had and decisions are made. The boys reach a milestone in their relationship. Next chapter is back to Stars Hollow for turkey day. I wanted to address a question from a reviewer as to why Jess hasn't written any follow up novels since his first. I guess since this is a revival-era story, I took my cue from Jess' writing not being mentioned in A Year in the Life. I felt like if he was still writing it would have come up when he was talking to Rory and suggesting she write her own book. I felt like she would have kept up on reading his books and brought them up in conversation. Instead they just focused on his job in publishing, so I went with that. Thanks so much to those of you still reviewing this story. You're reviews mean so much to me.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Jess spent the next few days mulling over his options. He didn't feel like he had many. After the initial announcement, Chris and Matthew had gone over logistics with him. Truncheon would officially close its doors in Philly on December 20th and reopen in the New York offices of Penguin Random House on the first of the year. Jess had explained that his only hang up was Jeremy, that he needed to discuss this with him and with his social worker first before he could commit to something that would affect both of them like this. They had told Jess to think it over, they understood he needed to talk to Jeremy, and they didn't need an answer on the spot, but they would like a decision from him by Thanksgiving, if that sounded reasonable. They wanted to give the rest of their staff notice of the closing by the beginning of December, and they wanted to make sure they knew what Jess wanted to do before they did, in case he decided to decline the offer and they had to go with their second choice. Jess had agreed that Thanksgiving was a reasonable deadline, still ten days away, and he assured them that his hesitancy had nothing to do with how he felt about his job. He liked it and wanted to keep it. He had just never made a decision this big for someone else before and he wanted to do it right and discuss it with Jeremy first.

Jess had gone for a run every night since he got the news. Running usually helped him clear his head. He did some of his best thinking running through the city. He still had not told anyone yet. Not Jeremy. Not Luke. And now it was Friday evening and Jess was out for another run. He only had five more days before they packed the car and left for Stars Hollow on Wednesday. He knew he was being a coward by putting it off. He hadn't meant to delay the discussion for as long as he had, leaving Jeremy with half the time to process the news as he had had before the Thanksgiving deadline. He knew that wasn't fair. He knew he should bring it up tonight. He just wasn't sure how to go about doing it. Did he explain that this was what was happening, or did he give the kid a real choice? And if he did, and the kid said no, then what? Would he really give up his job if Jeremy didn't want to move and switch schools again? Would Jeremy feel so strongly about staying that he would choose to call off the adoption? Jess didn't think that was likely, but the thought was there, anyway, lurking at the edge of his thoughts, unsettling him.

He thought about Chris and Matthew and how happy they were with what they had accomplished. As they should be. This was big stuff. And, he was happy for them, too, he honestly was, but the news also brought on a wave of regret that he hadn't bought in as a partner when he had the chance. He remembered the recent push to wrap up other projects and wondered if some open projects won't make the transition. He thought about Matthew saying that Penguin Random House wanted truncheon for its relevance in book selection for the young urban, male professional, and he wondered if Rory's book would make the cut, since it doesn't seem to fall into that category.

Jess stopped running and looked around, clasping his hands on his head to open his airways and catch his breath. He had gone much further out than he had planned, all the way to the river. He stood there panting on the concrete edge of the Delaware River, suddenly feeling bereft. He would miss this city. He would miss the charm and the character of the old historic buildings. He would miss how walkable and manageable Philadelphia felt, almost quaint in comparison to New York. He had always lived a long walk or short bus ride from Truncheon, and he knew that would no longer be the case when the new office was in Manhattan. But, most of all, he would miss who he had been here. Philadelphia was the first placed Jess had moved to _for_ something, instead of because he was running from something else. He had submitted the manuscript for The Subsect from his rundown and overcrowded apartment in New York, and after working closely on the rewrites with Chris and Matthew and several trips to Philly, he had accepted a poorly paying job reading through the slush pile at their newly minted publishing company and had left New York with a duffel bag full of clothes and books and a solid plan to pursue something he felt passionate about. The exact opposite of how he had left New York, Stars Hollow, then New York and Stars Hollow again, then California. If Luke had been the first person who had felt like home to Jess, Philly had been the first place. He had grown into a better version of himself here than he had ever been anywhere else. He would miss it.

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Jess was about forty minutes into his long walk home when he decided he needed advice. He pulled his phone out of the pocket of his shorts, paused the song that was currently flowing out of his ear buds, and hit the number for his uncle. Now that he had stopped running, he was starting to feel chilled in his wet, sweaty clothes. He was glad he had thought to put a hoodie on over his tee shirt. It was already dark and it was already mid-November. Charisse had been gone for over six months now. Jess felt the rush of melancholy that he often got when he reflected on the passage of time and on how little he had to show for the thirty-three years he had already been given.

"Hey, Jess." Luke's voice was a comforting whisper in the dark. "Hold on." Then about twenty seconds later, at normal volume. "Sorry, Rory and Lorelai just got the baby to sleep. I didn't want to wake her up. I'm outside now. What's up?"

"So, how's all that going anyway?" Rory and Luke had both sent Jess pictures when the baby had been born at the beginning of November. Luke had continued to text almost daily pictures and updates, so Jess didn't really feel like he had missed out on much, but he knew how excited Luke was about his new granddaughter so he felt like he should ask.

"The baby? It's going great, Jess! She's incredible. I was holding her the other day, just for a few minutes, so that Rory could take a shower, and she fell asleep in my arms. Rory didn't want to wake her, so I ended up sitting on the couch holding her for almost an hour. It was the greatest feeling."

"That sounds…...great."

"It was." Jess could hear the concern in Luke's voice. "Hey, are you ok, Jess?"

"Yeah, I'm good."

"Well, I know you didn't just call to hear me ramble on about Leelee. So, what's up?" The name still annoyed Jess. Rory had kept the tradition started by her mother and named her daughter Lorelai and then christened her with a nickname that he knew she thought was quirky and special, but really just sounded foolish.

"I have something I want to run by you. You have a few minutes to talk?"

"Of course. What's going on?"

Jess relayed everything he had learned from Chris and Matthew about the Truncheon buyout, the relocation to New York, and the job waiting for him there. "So, I'm not sure what to do."

"You're going to take the job, right? I mean, what are your other options?"

"Yeah, I'm going to take it. I think. I'm like 95% sure. I'm not all that excited to go back to New York, but I don't know what my other options would be. Philly isn't exactly crawling with publishing companies with 'help wanted' signs hanging in the windows. And, I can't be without a job, especially now that I have Jeremy, but I feel really shitty about uprooting him in the middle of his senior year."

"Hmm…...yeah, I'm sure that won't be easy for him. But, he's only been where he is now for a few months. Has he really put down roots there aside from his relationship with you? I mean, you've told me before that he doesn't really have friends there, or anyone he sees outside of school. Maybe he won't mind moving as much as you think."

Jeremy doesn't seem to have made any friends, that was true. Jess had asked him once or twice about the kids at school, and the boy had shrugged off the question. He only ever mentioned tests and papers due, with occasional anecdotes about a particularly wacky teacher or some general disruption in class. But, the other kids at school didn't seem to feature into Jeremy's stories very often when Jess asked the boy about his day.

Jess himself would only count Chris and Matthew as his real friends, and they would be moving to New York as well. He was friendly with pretty much everyone at Truncheon, but not actual friends. He knew that not having a lot of friends didn't mean a person would welcome such a huge change to their routine. That had been the case for Jess when he was seventeen and being shipped off to Connecticut and it still held true now.

"Maybe. It just seems so….disruptive. It's not what I wanted for him."

"Well, you can't control everything, my friend. Sometimes parents get new jobs and families move. The timing isn't ideal, but you do what you've got to do to take care of your kid. And, he's a good kid, Jess. He'll understand."

Jess sighed. "I know, but our situation is more complicated than most families. I'm not even sure what the rules are for taking him out of state."

"So, you find out. Call his social worker on Monday."

"Yeah, I guess."

"And, he'll turn eighteen before you need to leave, so it's not like they can make him stay at that point if he doesn't want to, right?"

Jess wished he could feel as confident as Luke seemed to be that Jeremy would choose to go with him. "No, but it's not just that. He qualifies to get money for college and stuff from the system. Even if I adopt him, he gets financial help for college because he had an open dependency case when he was sixteen or older. I know the social worker said he could go to any Pennsylvania community college for free or get a decent chunk of his tuition covered at the state schools he's applied to. I don't know what the rules are if I move him out of state, if he's going to lose that benefit. That's a lost to ask him to give up."

"You can still make it work, Jess. You need to let him know that when you talk to him. If he loses those benefits, you'll be like every other family in the country with a kid in college. He'll take out some loans and you'll pay for the rest. Like Anna and I did with April."

Jess was silent for a moment, too embarrassed to let Luke know how much he was already struggling with money even without a kid in college. And New York was expensive. Even with the pay increase, things could get worse for him in the next year, living in New York with college tuition bills rolling in.

Luke seemed to sense something was off. "And, if you need a hand, I can help out with college."

"I would never ask you to do that. Jeremy is my responsibility. I'll figure it out."

"I didn't hear you asking. I'm sure you will figure it out, but I want you to know that if you need help, I'm here. Always. Ok?"

"Ok. Thanks."

"So, are you talking to him tonight?" Luke asked.

"Yeah, I think so. I just…...I don't know. I guess I'm just worried about messing up that conversation." Jess paused, not sure if he wanted to admit his real fear. "What if he decides he doesn't want to go with me? What if he wants to call off the adoption?"

Jess heard a soft sigh reach his ear. "I don't know, Jess. I guess that would be his right. But, I've seen you two together. I really don't think that's going to happen. My impression of that kid, when he was here, and we were talking, was that he wants a family more than anything."

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Jeremy was sprawled out on the couch on his stomach, one arm hanging off the edge, petting Winston, who was mirroring Jeremy's position on the rug below. Jeremy was ostensibly watching TV, but he was really thinking about his day and wondering what tomorrow would bring. Jeremy had had a good day. And an even better evening. His art history teacher had given out what Jeremy would normally consider a pretty lame assignment. Each student was to go to any Philadelphia art museum over the weekend and write a two-page paper about a work of art that inspired them. It could be any medium that spoke to them, painting, photography, installation art, etc. They didn't need to do any research, just write about the emotions they felt when they looked at the piece. Jeremy usually hated broad, unstructured assignments and pretty much anything that involved sharing his emotions or personal feelings in his school work. He thought this sounded like a waste of time, and if the teacher hadn't said that you needed to show your ticket stub on Monday, Jeremy would have just looked up the current exhibits at the Philadelphia Museum of Art online and written about whatever work of art he could find on the website.

As the students were filing out into the hallway after class, Melissa Chavez had turned to him and made a comment about how lame the assignment was. Jeremy had agreed. Then she had surprised him by smiling and saying it might be less lame if they went together, what did he think. Jeremy's mind had gone blank at the question, or maybe at her smile directed at him like that. He had nodded a few times before remembering how to speak and telling her that he thought that would definitely be less lame. The wattage on her smile had intensified then. She handed him her phone and told him to put his number in, and she would text him tonight after she checked in with her mom about the weekend. Jeremy had left school with a grin on his face, but he had tried not to get his hopes up. Sometimes people said things. Sometimes they even had the best of intentions to follow through on what they said. But, he knew a million things could happen that could distract Melissa or make her change her mind. He wouldn't count on anything until he heard from her again.

Then she had texted him about half hour ago, asking if he would he be able to go tomorrow. He had made himself wait a few seconds to text her back, so it wouldn't look like he had been waiting _too_ eagerly for her text, before responding that Saturday was good for him. He knew he should probably wait until Jess got home from his run to ask him if it was ok, but he didn't think Jess would say no, and he didn't want to make Melissa wait. She had proposed a time and suggested they meet out front of the museum, Jeremy had confirmed, and Melissa had ended the conversation with a 'looking forward to it' followed by a smiley-face emoji. Jeremy had liked Melissa since he met her on the first day of school. They only shared the the one class, right after lunch, and since they were often the only two students who arrived early and the seating was arranged alphabetically, putting Melissa directly in front of Jeremy, they had gotten in the habit of spending those minutes before class talking. As much as Jeremy had started to like Melissa, he had never expected any real interest on her part. She was a nice person and he had just assumed she talked to him out of boredom because he was the only other person in the room or pity because he was new and didn't have any real friends. But, wanting to see him outside of school, even just for a class assignment, felt different, promising. Jeremy was looking forward to tomorrow, but he was already getting that nervous feeling in his stomach that always came from not wanting to mess up a social encounter with someone he really liked.

Jeremy heard the key in the lock and immediately sat up. He knew it was unnecessary, but it was an automatic reflex, stemming back to the days when he had tried so hard to walk the fine line of exuding appreciation for a placement without appearing overly comfortable, wanting to look like the model of a well-mannered and grateful child at all times. Jess had been running a lot this week, every night, and he didn't look like his usual happy, post-run self when he came home, his shorts and hoodie the only indication he had been running. Tonight Jess had been gone for almost two hours. Jeremy couldn't read the expression on his foster father's face as the man crouched down to pet Winston who had walked over, tail wagging rapidly, to greet him at the door. "Hey, buddy! How's it going, boy? How's my good dog?" Jess scratched Winston's head for a moment before looking toward Jeremy, a small, tight smile on his face, as he straightened back up to his full height. "Hey, Jeremy, can you come sit at the table with me for a minute please? I need to talk to you."

"Uh, sure." Jeremy stood up from couch and followed Jess over to the table. Jess looked serious, which would normally make Jeremy worried, but he really couldn't think of anything he had done recently that could have upset the man. Plus, he was a little distracted by his plans with Melissa. "Hey, is it ok if I meet a girl from school at the art museum tomorrow? She's in my art history class and we have to go to the museum this weekend for an assignment and she asked me if I wanted to go with her." When Jeremy realized that he was grinning more than he probably should be over just going to a museum with a girl, he expected Jess to tease him for it. Instead, Jess' expression became even more serious, almost pained, and Jeremy started to worry. "Is everything ok, Jess? Did I do something….?"

"What? No, Jeremy, you didn't do anything. Everything's fine. Of course, you can go meet this girl tomorrow."

"Ok. Thanks." Jeremy spoke slowly, hesitantly, not really convinced that everything was ok. "I'm not meeting her until two, so we can still take Winston to the park in the morning."

Jess nodded. "Ok. That's fine, Jeremy. So, uh, I got some news at work this week that I need to talk to you about. The company I work for just got bought out by a much bigger company that's located in New York, and, well, I need to be in New York by the end of the year, too, if I want to keep my job. I'm really sorry to spring this on you like this."

Jeremy felt his stomach drop like the floor had been pulled out from under him. He felt an instant clenching in his chest, a wave of nausea. He knew this had been too good to be true. Everything about this placement. How well Jess treated him. How accepting his whole extended family in Connecticut had been. The whole idea of getting adopted into a loving family right under the wire before his eighteenth birthday. He should have seen this coming. He should have known something would happen. He felt so stupid for having let his guard down as much as he had and not having done better at keeping himself mentally prepared for the worst. So Jess had tossed about words like 'adoption' and 'dad.' That didn't always mean anything in the end. He felt his eyes fill, one single tear spilled over and ran down his face and he didn't bother to wipe it away.

He felt Jess' hand on his forearm before he realized that man was speaking again. "I'm really sorry, Jeremy. I know this is the worst timing. I really wanted you to get to spend your senior year in one place."

Jeremy had wanted that, too. He felt dazed. He tried to nod politely, but wasn't sure his head had actually moved. There was no point in making Jess feel bad about it. Things happened. Jeremy knew that.

"I know this isn't what you wanted to hear. I'm not really excited about moving either. But, hey, it's not the end of the world, right? Everything will be ok. Things will work out." Jeremy had been told this before, when he had been removed from so many past placements, that he couldn't stay, but that it was ok, everything would work out for him. He didn't have it in him to play along that he was ok and that he believed everything would turn out all right, not this time, not when it hurt this much. Jeremy realized he hadn't moved or spoken when he felt Jess' hand shift on his arm, giving him a gentle squeeze, as his foster father frowned, a concerned look in his eyes. "Is it this girl? Is that why you're taking this so hard? You really like her, huh?"

Jeremy looked at Jess, confused. His mind flashed back to sitting at this same table with his foster father on the night he arrived, when Jess had told him that he had to go to school and pass all his classes. Jeremy had been turned off by the guy's cluelessness and hadn't felt that way about Jess again until now. He had thought he had a family and now he found out that he didn't. Did Jess really think he was upset about a girl he barely knew when he was about to lose Jess and his last hope for a family? He realized his disgust must have shown on his face when Jess slowly recoiled, pulling his arm back to his own side of the table, his expression uncertain.

"Do you seriously think I'm upset over Melissa right now? Are you seriously asking me that?" Jeremy spat out, getting angry now. "I guess I didn't mean as much to you as you meant to me, because the last thing on my mind right now is some girl I barely know from school. I'm sorry if it offends you that I'm upset, but I guess you're just going to have to deal with it if it takes me a few minutes to adjust to this. You're going to have to deal with not feeling like you're such a great guy for once." Jeremy jerked back from the table and stood up so quickly that his chair skidded backward across the kitchen floor before falling onto one side. Jess was staring at him with wide eyes. Jeremy knew his foster father was unaccustomed to receiving this kind of attitude or hostility from him. He also knew he was being unforgivably rude, but he didn't care. Jess could go fuck himself. Jess and his stupid empty promises.

Sustained anger had never been in Jeremy's nature, and this was no exception. He felt his rage crashing down around him, leaving him with his more familiar companions of sadness and heartache as he stood there in the kitchen, by his upended chair, feeling an overwhelming sense of grief take over, no energy left to storm out and slam his bedroom door. He could feel more tears coming and he felt shame at how sensitive he was, that crying came so easily to him. "I can't believe you're doing this to me. I really thought you cared about me." Jeremy heard his voice crack, but instead of averting his eyes in shame, he kept his stare locked on Jess. No matter how disgusted he felt with himself, he was more disgusted with Jess.

"What? Jeremy, I do care about you! Of course, I care about you!" Jess was out of his seat and around the table facing Jeremy, but careful to keep an arm's length between them, not touching, his voice soft and concerned. "I'm sorry, but this is out of my control. I need to follow my job. I can't afford to be out of work right now. I'm sorry, but that's the way it is. I wish things were different, but they're not. What part of moving has you so upset? Talk to me. I'll do my best to help with whatever I can. I think you might like New York if you give it a chance. And, this might sound really corny, but we'll still have each other. We'll still be together. And right now, that what's most important to me."

The realization hit Jeremy with equal parts relief and mortification. _They_ were moving to New York. Jess had been telling him that they, as a family, were moving to New York. Jeremy could feel his face getting warm. He felt like an ass. "Oh." He looked at Jess and spoke tentatively. "I get to go, too."

"What?" Jess released an audible breath, somewhere between a laugh and a sigh. He looked more relaxed, now. Jeremy could see the man's mood lightening and hear the relief in his voice. "Yes, you get to go, too. Of course you get to go. You're my kid, Jeremy. I want to adopt you. Did you really think I was going to leave you behind?"

Jeremy shrugged sheepishly.

"I'm so sorry, Jeremy. I thought you were mad about having to move again and switching schools. I didn't realize you thought I was abandoning you. How could you think that?"

Jeremy looked away from Jess, embarrassed at having jumped to the wrong conclusion and overreacting like he had. His eyes settled on Winston, who was on his feet, watching them warily from the living room, not used to raised voices or crashing furniture. "I don't know. It's happened before. Sometimes something unexpected happens in a placement and people can't keep a foster kid with them anymore. I just figured…." Jeremy trailed off, not sure how to continue without insulting Jess further.

"You just figured what? That I didn't care about you enough to want to keep you? That I was going to get rid of you for logistical reasons? That I-" Jeremy looked back at Jess when the man stopped speaking mid-sentence. He was looking down at the floor in front of him, a pensive look on his face. He looked back up at Jeremy. "You thought that I don't love you and that it would be possible for me to walk away from you if it was more convenient for me. But, I do love you, Jeremy. And, I could never walk away from you. I know I haven't said that before, so it's not like I should have expected you to know, but it's true. I'm all in, Jeremy. You, me, Winston. This family. I'm serious about this."

Jeremy felt something rich and good spreading in his chest. Something warm and comfortable and safe. He had gone so long in the world with no one loving him. Since his parents died thirteen long and lonely years ago. He felt like he might tear up if he tried to talk, but he knew he had to risk it. Jess had been brave to tell him, and he wanted to be brave, too. "I'm, uh, I'm pretty sure I love you, too."

Jess laughed softly. "That's good to hear. I'd hate to think I was all alone in this."

Jeremy started to smile tentatively. "You're not." Jeremy felt choked up, but he didn't cry. "And I'm sorry for what I thought, and, uh, how I acted. I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I'm sorry."

"It's ok, Jeremy." Jess was smiling now, the smile that always gave Jeremy the warm feeling that everything was going to be ok. "You were upset. I get it. I would have been angry, too, if I had been in your shoes, thinking what you were thinking."

"Being upset isn't a good excuse. I was really terrible. I just…...I'm used to being disappointed…" Jeremy felt like he needed to justify his actions. "And, I'm sorry that's where my mind went."

"It's ok, Jeremy, really."

"It's not that I don't trust you."

"Jeremy, c'mere." Jeremy let himself be pulled into a hug, his chest pressed against Jess' thick sweatshirt, still cool from the night air. "We're good, kid. Ok?" Jess chuckled. "I know I probably don't smell too great right now, but I'm not letting you go until you say we're ok." Jeremy could hear the amusement in Jess' voice, and he huffed out a soft laugh into the shoulder of Jess' hoodie as he hugged back tightly, feeling snug and secure, safer than he had in a very long time.

"We're ok." Jeremy said it because it was what Jess wanted to hear, not because he wanted to be released from the hug.

Jeremy looked down, feeling a little overwhelmed, as Jess pulled back from the hug. Jess placed his hands on Jeremy's shoulders and dipped his head, trying to get the boy to make eye contact. "Hey, Jeremy." Jeremy looked up at his broadly smiling foster father in time to feel one hand leave his shoulder and a light, almost gentle slap land against the back of his skull, knocking his head forward an inch or two.

"Ow." Jeremy said softly, the word leaving his mouth out of instinct rather than reaction to any actual pain.

Jess was grinning infectiously now, the skin around his eyes crinkling with happiness, his hands on Jeremy's shoulders, gently shaking him forward and back. "That was for thinking I was going to abandon you. _Now_ , we're good."

Jeremy grinned back. He felt Jess' hand cupping the back of his head where he had just hit him. Jeremy yielded to the gentle pressure allowing his head to be tipped forward toward Jess. He felt a kiss land on the top of his hair. When he looked back up, Jess was grinning again. "All right. If we're done having this Hallmark moment, I'm going to go jump in the shower." His expression became more serious. "But, just to confirm. You're ok with moving to New York in January? The entire Mariano-Cooper family will be moving to New York, together, yes?"

Jeremy smiled and nodded. "Yeah, I'm fine with moving to New York as long as you'll be there."

"Thank you." Jess smiled softly at Jeremy, and raised a hand to lightly pat the boy's cheek. "You're a good kid, Jeremy Cooper."

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That Wednesday found Jess and Jeremy on the road headed to Stars Hollow for the long Thanksgiving weekend. Jess was feeling good. He had given Chris and Matthew his answer on Monday, and even though he knew the move to New York would be stressful, he felt better that he had made a decision, that things were settled, and that he and Jeremy would be in it together. He was giving himself until after the holiday weekend to start getting his shit together for the move, leaving him feeling mostly relaxed and happy today.

He smiled to himself as he thought about how things had turned out. How what he had feared would be a tense and difficult situation had resulted in a turning point for him and Jeremy. He felt good, proud of himself even, when he thought back to Jeremy telling him that he loved him. It made him feel like maybe he wasn't so bad at this foster parenting thing. That maybe he was actually doing something right, maybe even enough to be good at it. It had been a weight lifted off his shoulders, giving him the feeling that they had taken one giant step forward in solidifying themselves as an actual family instead of just two people coexisting in an uncertain situation. He hoped that telling the kid he loved him had gone a long way to assuage Jeremy's fears of being abandoned. He could still remember the first time Luke had told him he loved him, and he knew the value in knowing you were loved by the person taking care of you instead of just seen as a responsibility that that person had to deal with. He knew that love alone wouldn't provide the kind of security that Jess wanted Jeremy to feel, but he also knew that real security couldn't exist without it.

"Do you think Winston and Paul Anka will get along?" Jeremy asked from the passenger seat. The boy turned to pet Winston who had stood up in the backseat at hearing his name. "Sit down, boy. C'mon. Lay back down."

"I don't know." Jess said, eyes on the road in front of him. "I'm not sure how Paul Anka is with other dogs. He seems pretty scared of everything, though, so we'll have to go slow and be careful when we introduce them."

"Is Winston staying at Luke and Lorelai's house?"

"I was thinking he'd stay with us in the apartment. Why would he stay at Lorelai's?"

Jeremy was up on one knee, stretching his seatbelt to reach into the back and pet Winston, trying to help the dog lie down and get resituated in his safety harness. Jess patted the boy's side. "Sit back down, Jeremy. That's not safe if we get in an accident."

"Sorry. One sec." Jeremy turned back around in his seat once Winston was lying down again. "I don't know. You have to walk through the diner to get to the apartment. I wasn't sure dogs were allowed to do that."

Huh. "I hadn't really thought about that." Jess admitted.

"And, he needs to go out four times a day, so that's eight trips through the diner every day that we're there."

"I see your point." Jess hadn't told Luke that Winston was coming home with them, and he hadn't considered having to walk Winston through a crowded diner. "Let's just hope Luke's in a good mood."

"Luke seems like he's always in a good mood."

Jess huffed out a laugh. "Yeah, we'll see about that when your dog is traipsing through his diner tracking dirt and hair all over the place."

"Oh, so now he's _my_ dog?" Jeremy laughed.

"Yup. And you're right, I should have thought of this and asked Luke before we brought Winston. But, it'll be fine. Luke will huff and puff about a dog running through his diner, but in the end, he'll be won over by the little guy's charm and let him stay with us."

"I hope so." Jeremy said, a thoughtful frown on his face. "So, once we move to New York, the trip to Stars Hollow will only be half this long, right?"

"Yeah. It's only about two hours from New York."

"So, maybe we'll be able to visit more often?" Jess heard the intentional nonchalance in Jeremy's voice.

"Yeah, you'd like to do that?"

"I think it might be fun. I really like your family, and I had a good time with them the last time we were there. Didn't you?"

"Yeah, it was good. I think we should definitely be able to get out there more often if that's what you want. I know Luke would love to get to spend more time with you. And, he hates driving into the city. He'll do it. But, he hates it."

"I can't really picture Luke in the city."

"Don't try. It's not a pretty picture. He complains about everything the whole time he's there. New York, Philly, any city, it doesn't matter. He thinks they're all overcrowded and dirty"

Jeremy laughed. "You have to cut him some slack. It's got to be weird to have spent your whole life in Stars Hollow. Every place else must look like a dump in comparison."

"I think you're right. I guess it all depends on what you're used to. I grew up in New York and Stars Hollow always felt like a freak show to me." This seemed like a good place to ask about Jeremy's childhood and where he had spent most of his time, in cities or small towns, and maybe get Jeremy talking and opening up about his life. Jess had offered to listen to Jeremy about anything in his past that he might want to talk about, but so far Jeremy had never taken him up on his offer. Jess was set to adopt the kid in less than a month and he still didn't know much about the boy's past other than the limited details written up in the report he had received from the social worker. He told himself that he was just respecting Jeremy's privacy, but he knew he was being a little bit of a chicken by never asking questions, and possibly leading the boy to believe he wasn't interested. Jess wasn't sure if it was a good time to get into it when they were about to spend the weekend with family. Jeremy's past couldn't be easy for him to think about and he didn't want to set the kid off before the weekend. He made a mental note to make it a priority for the conversation on the drive home, when they had four more hours to kill.

"So, hey, did you guys decide what woodworking project you're going to make?" Luke had asked for Jeremy's phone number right after their last visit and sent the boy the occasional text, sometimes with links to various beginner woodworking projects that he thought Jeremy might be interested in, sometimes with pictures of the baby or Paul Anka in a group text that also included Jess and April, and sometimes just to say hi and ask how he was doing. Jess knew it had a lot to do with Luke wanting Jeremy to know he still liked him and had no hard feelings about the peanut allergy incident. Jess was grateful that Luke was taking being a great-uncle so seriously, even in light of having recently become a grandpa.

"Almost. It's down to either a chessboard or a birdhouse."

"I didn't know you play chess."

"I don't. That's why I'm leaning toward the birdhouse. But, the chessboard just looked really cool. You use two different shades of wood to create the different colors on the board. The design seemed really interesting. But, yeah, I wouldn't really have a use for it."

"You could always learn to play. It's not like we really have any place to put a birdhouse either."

"That's true. Luke says my first project doesn't have to be about what I actually make. He said it should be more about the learning process and developing fundamental skills. That I can just pick something fun that inspires me and not worry about how useful it will be after it's done."

"Huh. That sounds like good advice. The journey over the destination and all that. I had no idea Luke was so zen."

Jess glanced at Jeremy out of the corner of his eye, took in the boy smiling happily in the passenger seat, clearly pleased to be headed to Stars Hollow. He thought about all the progress they had made in their relationship since the last time they had been in Connecticut and how much closer they had gotten, on the verge of officially and legally being father and son. He wondered if Jeremy would still prefer Luke to him and whether it would be harder to take this time around. Then he mentally kicked himself for his own insecurity.


	11. Chapter 11 - Thanksgiving

**Chapter 11 Notes:** Some little vignettes of Thanksgiving in Stars Hollow. A reader has asked about a chapter that features Jess punishing Jeremy for some sort of misbehavior. I have a situation like that planned for this story, but it likely won't happen for another few chapters since the boys are still in the 'honeymoon' stage of the adoption process. Thank you for the feedback. And thanks to everyone who is reading, following and reviewing this story. I think I am more emotionally involved in this story than anything I've ever written before, and it's so great to have people to share it with. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

"Hey! There are my boys!" Jeremy was leaning into the backseat, unfastening Winston's safety harness when he heard Luke's voice in the dark outside the car and smiled. When Jeremy had the harness off and the leash on, he backed out of the car with Winston in time to see Jess and Luke pulling apart from a hug, Luke smiling broadly, Jess looking tired from the drive. Winston trotted over to Luke, feet happy-dancing, tail wagging, happy as always to make a new friend. Jeremy wondered if Winston could already sense what a good person Luke was. "And who's this little guy?"

"That's Jeremy, Luke." Jess said. "C'mon, at least pretend like you remember the kid. Think about his self-esteem."

Luke laughed as he reached down to pet Winston. "I remember Jeremy, smart ass." Luke pet the dog on the head and stood back up. "C'mere, Jeremy, it's good to see you. I'm glad you came." Luke hooked a thumb in Jess' direction as he walked toward the boy. "So, you haven't gotten tired of living with this guy and his smart mouth yet?"

Jeremy smiled, and shook his head. "Not yet. I think I'm stuck with him at this point." Jeremy took a hesitant step forward, feeling shy at seeing Luke in person again even after all the texting, and let himself be pulled into a warm hug. For the second time in a week, Jeremy felt safe and very grateful.

"Jess, have I told you how much I like this kid?" Luke asked as he released Jeremy and turned back to his nephew.

"You may have mentioned it." Jess stood behind the car, Jeremy's backpack on his shoulder, his duffel bag and a reusable shopping bag of Winston's supplies in his hands, and slammed the trunk shut. "I think you just like having someone to gang up on me with."

Luke chuckled. "Well, that doesn't hurt. You guys want to go over to the square and give Winston a chance to go to the bathroom before we go in?"

Jess turned to Jeremy as they crossed the street toward the square. "That's Luke's super subtle way of telling you that your dog better not take a leak in his diner."

Jeremy's expression turned serious. "Winston's a really good dog. He doesn't have accidents or chew stuff or anything. He'll be on his best behavior while he's here. I promise."

Luke smiled and patted Jeremy on the shoulder. "I'm sure it'll be fine. But, one of you needs to carry that dog when you walk through the diner, at all times, and go straight through with him, no stopping and talking to anybody. You got that, Jess?"

"I got it. I'm pretty sure I can resist talking to anyone in this town, but thanks for the warning."

Luke chuckled. "So, what's new with you, Jeremy? How's school going?"

Jeremy smiled at the question, his eyes on Winston, watching the dog sniff the shrubs around the gazebo as he schooled his expression trying not to appear too excited. "School's good. I'm getting all A's."

"That's great, Jeremy. Congratulations! My nephew with a straight-A student for a kid. I never thought I'd see that." Luke smiled warmly at Jeremy.

Jeremy looked up at Jess. "Can I tell him now?"

"What? Tell me what?" Luke asked.

Jess laughed. "If you don't tell him after that lead-in, you'd be a pretty big tease. Yeah, go ahead."

Jeremy suddenly felt shy. This was a big deal to him, but maybe it wouldn't seem that important to Luke. "We have some news, and we wanted to tell you before we told anybody else." He raised his eyes to look at Luke. "Jess is adopting me."

"Really? Jess, you didn't tell me that!" Luke was smiling broadly now and Jeremy was glad that he understood what a big deal this was.

"We wanted to surprise you in person." Jess explained, shrugging the one shoulder not supporting a bag.

"You're adopting Jeremy. That's so great!"

"That sounds so one-sided." Jess said. "I like to think that we're adopting each other."

Luke laughed and Jeremy grinned. "This is such great news! This makes me so happy!" Luke put an arm around Jeremy's shoulders and pulled him to his side. "Welcome to the family, Jeremy. I'm so happy I get to officially be your great-uncle."

Jeremy could feel the grin on his face, so wide that his cheeks hurt. "I'm happy I get to be your great-nephew, too. Really happy."

Luke was only the third person they had told, and they had waited a while to tell anybody. Jeremy knew that Jess had brought up the idea of adoption too early. It had felt off to Jeremy at first. He hadn't been able to determine if Jess really wanted to adopt him or if he had offered because he thought he should. He couldn't speak for Jess, but Jeremy hadn't felt completely confident about the adoption until last Friday when they had had the conversation about moving to New York. Jeremy hadn't felt solid and secure in the decision until Jess told him that he loved him, and he had realized that he loved Jess, too. Telling people seemed safer after that. First they told Ms. Garcia, the social worker, during their monthly appointment this week. She had beamed at Jeremy and told him how proud she was of him for never giving up on what he wanted and how happy she was for both of them. Then, Jeremy had told Melissa. Their outing at the museum had gone well and Jeremy felt a strong connection to the girl. They had been texting regularly since Saturday, sometimes words, sometimes funny pictures, or meme's. They had had a 'study date' on Tuesday at her house. Jess had teasingly raised his eyebrows about a study date on the second to last day of school before a long weekend, and Jeremy had admitted to his foster father afterward that no real studying had taken place. Her mom had been travelling for work, and they had hung out in Melissa's living room, just the two of them, eating pizza and watching TV, and sitting closer on the couch that Jeremy had ever comfortably sat with a girl. He had made a reference to Jess and she had asked why he called his dad by his first name. He had self-consciously explained his situation then, ending with Jess wanting to adopt him. He knew he would miss Melissa when they moved, but he thought about how nice it would feel in New York when the adoption was final and he would be able to just say 'my dad' and not have to explain his situation to anyone. When she had walked him to the door, she had given him a shy goodnight kiss that he had replayed in his mind countless times in the not quite forty-eight hours since it happened. He felt his smile intensify at the memory.

Jeremy pulled his mind back to the present to take in what Luke was saying. "This is so great. Rory just had a little girl, and now my little boy has a little boy of his own. This is exciting stuff. This is a big year for our family." Jeremy smiled at how happy the news had made Luke. He could see where Jess got his infectious smile.

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Thursday morning, after taking Winston for a short walk, Jeremy and Jess had joined Luke in the diner to help with with the Thanksgiving prep. The diner was opening its doors at noon and serving a Thanksgiving menu for lunch and then closing at three so that they could have Thanksgiving dinner as a family at Luke and Lorelai's house. Jess had helped with the earlier prep and then gone out front to serve customers once the diner opened, and Jeremy was helping Luke in the kitchen, mostly chopping vegetables and peeling potatoes. There was a lot to do because so many dishes were involved, but there hadn't been that many customers so far. Jeremy had waited for Jess to leave the kitchen before broaching the subject that had been weighing on his mind. "Luke, I just, uh…..I want to tell you that I'm sorry for lying about the peanut allergy. It was stupid. I'm not even sure why I did it. And, I'm sorry."

Jeremy snuck a glance up at Luke to see the man smiling warmly at him. "It's ok, Jeremy. Really. Everyone's done something that they regret later. I appreciate the apology, but I'm not holding it against you, ok? It's water under the bridge."

Jeremy smiled, genuinely grateful. "Thank you. And thanks for everything you did when you thought I was allergic, like making the diner peanut-free and everything. I'm sorry you went to all that trouble for nothing."

"It's ok, Jeremy. And, it ended up not being for nothing. You don't have an allergy, but lots of kids do nowadays, and a few parents thanked me for the changes to the menu. And it really wasn't a big deal. I basically just took the PBJ sandwich off the menu and changed up the peanut dressing for one of the salads. And if it makes some of the families in town feel better about being able to bring their kids out to eat." Luke shrugged. "I felt like I should keep it that way. I, uh, I took the sign down for this weekend because I didn't want to make you uncomfortable, but I normally keep it up."

"Oh." Jeremy didn't know what to say to that. He was glad Luke wasn't angry and holding it against him, but the diner being peanut-free going forward would serve as a constant awkward reminder of how stupid he'd been.

"So, don't worry about it, honestly, Jeremy. Just learn from it and don't lie the next time you're mad at Jess."

Jeremy nodded, eyes down, shamed at having his motivation for the lie called out. "I will." He realized how ambiguous that sounded and rushed to clarify. "I mean, I will learn from it, not that I will lie again. I won't lie to him again. I felt horrible about it for weeks."

Luke nodded. "Good boy." Jeremy was embarrassed at how much that phrase affected him, filling him with pride for owning up to his ridiculous and juvenile actions. Jeremy hoped that Jess had meant it when he said they could spend more time in Stars Hollow once they moved to New York. Jeremy liked Luke more than anyone he had met in a long time. Being around the man made Jeremy feel good in a way he couldn't really describe, like being wrapped in a comfortable blanket, safe and sound, believing everything was going to be ok.

"So, how come you stay open on the holiday like this anyway? It seems like so much extra work for you." Jeremy asked as he worked on peeling a potato. "And, it doesn't seem like that many people go out to eat on Thanksgiving. Aren't most people home with their families today?"

Luke was stirring a pot of gravy on the stove, while keeping an eye on his mashed potatoes and cranberry sauce. "You're right. Most people are home with their families today. But, there are always some people who don't have families to be home with that like to come in. You know, so that they have someplace to go on Thanksgiving, and they're not home alone for the holiday."

Jeremy paused thinking about how that would have been him next year and who knows how many years after if he hadn't met Jess. He would have had no place to go for the holiday and probably would have spent it alone in his dorm room at college or at his transitional housing placement or wherever he had ended up. The idea still made him sad even though he had been rescued from that fate. He had lived for so long in fear of turning eighteen without a family. He felt himself choking up at how close he had come to having no one, and he did his best to compose himself before he spoke. "That's really nice of you. To think of people who have nowhere to go for the holiday like that."

"Yeah, well, I guess I'm just a nice guy." Luke chuckled to himself as he stirred the cranberry sauce, and Jeremy smiled. It was such a Jess thing to say, that he was just a cool guy, or an understanding guy. Jeremy thought about how comforting it must feel for Jess and Luke to be able to see certain traits or behaviors mirrored in each other. He wondered if he would pick up on any of Jess or Luke's mannerisms. "And, I mean, I get it. I was in the same boat for a long time. My parents were both gone by the time I was twenty. I didn't have any family in my life until Jess came to live with me almost two decades later. I spent a lot of holidays alone. I know how hard that can be if it's not by choice."

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah. It can really suck." "I'm sorry about your parents."

"Thanks, Jeremy. It was a long time ago, but thank you."

"It never gets easier, though. Right? I understand that."

Luke nodded at Jeremy. "You're right. It never does. You never really get over the big losses."

"Nope." Jeremy agreed.

"I'm sorry about your parents, too." Luke was watching him intently now. "As much as I'm grateful to have you in our family now, I'm very sorry for what you had to go through, losing your parents so young. No kid should have to deal with that."

"Yeah, it definitely sucked. How did your mom die?" "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. It's none of my business."

"It's ok, Jeremy. I don't mind talking to you about her. She died of cancer. My dad, too. My mom died when I was eleven and my dad died when I was twenty. My dad was sick for years. It was rough."

"I'm sorry. That seems like a bad way to lose your parents." Jeremy finished the potato he was peeling and started on another one.

"I don't know if there are any good ways when you're still a kid."

"My dad killed my mom." Jeremy kept his eyes on his potato, but he could feel Luke's attention on him. "They were fighting. They fought a lot and he, I don't know, hit her or pushed her, I was in my room, I could hear them fighting, but I couldn't see them, and she fell down the stairs and broke her neck."

"I'm so sorry, Jeremy." Jeremy felt Luke's hand on his shoulder, gently squeezing.

Jeremy nodded. "Thanks. I don't think he meant to kill her. They argued a lot, but I can't remember it getting physical before that night. Then my dad went to prison. I only got to visit him once, maybe two years after he had gone in. It was horrible. I was pretty hysterical seeing him in there. I cried the whole time. Then, uh…..then he hung himself in his cell a week later." Jeremy could feel his eyes welling up, and he sniffled back a tear, wiped at one eye with the back of his hand.

Luke's grip on his shoulder felt firmer now, turning him to one side. Jeremy felt Luke's arms around him, wrapping him up in a tight hug. "I'm so sorry, Jeremy." Jeremy hugged back. He felt silent tears falling from his eyes, and was embarrassed at knowing they were landing on Luke's shirt. He knew he should pull away and go clean himself up in the bathroom, but he couldn't make himself do it.

"I got two more turkey plates and one veggie plate-" Jess stopped mid-sentence in the doorway to the kitchen, his face falling. "What happened?"

Jeremy pulled away from Luke, wiping his eyes and avoiding eye contact with anyone.

"Nothing happened." Luke said. "Some days are just harder than others, and holidays are usually some of the hardest."

Jess nodded, looking uncertain. "Are you ok, Jeremy?" Jeremy felt a surge of gratitude for the concern in his foster father's voice, for having these two people in his life now to make the tough days a little easier.

"Yeah, I'm ok, Jess." He smiled weakly. "Luke's right. I was just having a hard day, or a hard few minutes, I guess. I'm ok. I'm sorry."

Luke spoke first. "There's nothing to be sorry about, Jeremy."

"Jeremy, do you need a few minutes?" Jess asked hesitantly, looking back and forth from Jeremy to Luke. "Do you want to go take a walk or go upstairs and talk?"

"I'm fine, Jess. I want to stay here and help Luke. I'm good, really. I should probably go wash up though." Jeremy took his apron off and hung it on a hook on the wall. "I'm just going to run to the bathroom. I'll be right back."

Once the boy had left the kitchen, Jess turned to Luke. "Is he really ok? What triggered that?"

"I think he's ok now, Jess. I think the holidays just have him thinking about his parents. I get it. Holidays always do that to me, too. He wanted to talk about them, but then I think it was too much for him when he did. He'll be all right."

Jess nodded, his expression serious. "Do you think I should I go check on him?"

"I think we should just give him a minute. He said he'd be right back."

"Ok." Jess sighed. "You got that order right?"

Luke nodded. "Two turkey plates and one veg plate, coming right up."

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Jess was leaning one hip against the counter, scrolling through his phone out of boredom. He had enjoyed the initial lunch prep with Luke and Jeremy, working in the kitchen and spending time with his two favorite people. Luke never liked to make his staff work on the holiday, so Jess always lent a hand, and it had become a holiday tradition. Last year he had worked in the kitchen with Luke while Lorelai and April had worked the dining room, and Rory had been in London. This year, since Lorelai was home with Rory and the baby, Luke has asked for a volunteer to serve once the diner opened. Jess could tell that Jeremy wanted to stay and help Luke, so he had volunteered for dining room duty, which was the last thing he wanted to do.

Being kitchen help was one thing, but having to interact with the denizens of the Island of Misfit Toys was another thing entirely. Jess had already served Kirk and Lulu. He had made the mistake of asking how they were doing and received a lot more information about Kirk's mother's ailments and his latest failed business ventures than he wanted to. Now, he was staying safely by the counter, as far from their table as possible. As always when he interacted with them, he was left wondering what Lulu saw in Kirk. Babbette and Mory had been in as well, plus a few other groups of people that Jess didn't recognize, and several solo diners that Jess vaguely recognized, but couldn't have named. He was currently leaning on the counter thinking about Jeremy. The boy had seemed fine when he came out of the bathroom several minutes ago, but Jess didn't like that he had missed something. That Jeremy had been upset and gone to Luke to talk about it instead of him. He knew he was being childish, and was mentally berating himself for it when Rory walked in.

"Hey Jess!" He looked up as she walked over to the counter. "This takes me back. I feel like I just stepped into 2002. Me coming into the diner to pick up takeout for me and my mom, you standing behind the counter not even pretending to work."

Jess smiled and stood up, but didn't move from behind the counter to greet her. "Hey, Rory. How are you? How goes motherhood?"

"It's great, Jess. Great, but hard. And that's with my mom and Luke to help me. I don't know how people manage to take care of babies by themselves. Luke said you guys got in last night. Why didn't you stop by to meet Leelee?"

"Oh, we didn't get in until late. Luke said that you and the baby would probably already be in bed and we didn't want to bother you guys." He couldn't bring himself to call the baby Leelee, the same way he always worked around having to call his half-sister Doula. "I'm looking forward to meeting her today, though."

Rory smiled. "She's looking forward to meeting you guys, too."

"Oh, yeah?"

Rory nodded seriously. "Yep. Luke's already told her a lot about you." "Speaking of kids, how are things going with Jeremy?"

"Things are going great with Jeremy. I'm fostering the shit out of that kid." Jess smiled, aiming for effortless charm. He recognized that he was working to make her laugh and felt a little disappointed in himself for it.

Rory gave him the laugh he had been fishing for. "Well, that's something. Luke said you guys are moving to New York." Jess wondered how many times the words 'Luke said' would be spoken during this conversation. He felt a hint of the sadness he always got at how he'd let them drift apart over the years, but only the barest hint of the feeling this time, and he knew that was progress.

"We are. In January."

"Wow, that's a big change. They let you take foster kids out of state like that?"

"They do if you're adopting. Which I am. And he'll be eighteen in December, so his social worker was fine with it when I spoke to her." Jess still felt anxiety when he thought back to the conversation with Ms. Garcia earlier this week in which she had confirmed that Jeremy would no longer be eligible for financial assistance for college from the Department of Child and Family Services if he moved out of state with an adoptive parent. He thought about how Jeremy had looked up at him expectantly, asking him for confirmation that that was ok, and that he could still move with Jess. Jess had done his best to assure him that of course it was. That Jeremy was his to take care of now and they would figure out college somehow. Everything would be fine.

"You're adopting Jeremy? That's so great, Jess. Congratulations!"

"Thanks." There was a moment's pause, as Jess was surprised to realize that he didn't want to go into more details of his life with Jeremy with Rory. "So, did I hear you mention something about takeout?"

"Oh, yeah. My mom wanted me to come over and pick up two turkey plates and two slices of pumpkin pie to-go."

Jess raised an eyebrow. "Aren't we all having Thanksgiving dinner at Lorelai's later?"

"We are indeed. But, right now we need Thanksgiving lunch to tide us over until Thanksgiving dinner. You know how it is."

"Ah, I forgot about the Gilmore feeding schedule." Jess slapped a palm against the counter as he started to walk away. "I'll go let the boss know he's got a VIP customer."

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Jess had wanted a few minutes alone with Jeremy before they went to the Gilmore house for dinner, so they had helped Luke load the food into his truck and then decided to walk over to the house to give Winston some outdoor time. Jess figured it was the least Lorelai and Rory could do to help Luke unload on the other end.

"So, did you have a good time with Luke?" Jess watched the dog amble along slowly as they made their way through the town square, stopping to sniff every few feet.

"Yeah, I did. He's a good guy."

"He has his moments."

Jeremy laughed. "I apologized to him, about the peanut stuff. I want you to know that."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah. He was really nice about it, too. I just, uh, I guess I wanted to clear the air and make sure he knows that I know it was stupid."

"That was very mature of you. I'm sure he appreciated it."

"He seemed to." Jess heard a soft buzzing and watched Jeremy pull his phone out of his pants pocket and check the screen.

"Is that Melissa again?" Jess asked, going for nonchalance. Jeremy had been texting with Melissa a lot lately, but he hadn't told Jess very much about her.

"No, it's April. You got it, too. It's to you, me, Luke, Lorelai and Rory. She says Happy Thanksgiving from April and Spike and it's a picture of her with a cactus…" Jeremy looked closer at the phone. "With a Red Sox cap on it, I think. See?" He held his phone out to Jess, who smiled at the picture of April in shorts and a tee-shirt with Spike. "Who's Spike?"

"You're looking at him. Spike is the cactus in her grandmother's yard in New Mexico. She always includes him in her pictures when she's there for the holidays. She named him after Snoopy's brother, the one who lives all alone in the desert. She thinks the cactus is sad and lonely like him."

"Oh, that's funny." Jeremy replied, looking at the picture again, thumbs moving quickly as he typed out a response. "I wrote happy thanksgiving back." He looked up at Jess. "It was really….. generous of her to include me on a family text like that."

Jess huffed out a laugh. "You make it sound like she made a donation to the United Way. She included you because she likes you. It was a family text and you're part of the family. You're her…second cousin, maybe? Is that how that works?"

Jeremy tucked the phone back into his pocket with a shrug. "I'm not sure. I've never even had a regular cousin before."

"Ah, we'll have to look it up then." "So, are you feeling better now?" Jess spoke hesitantly. "Are you ok to go to dinner, because we don't have to if you aren't feeling up to it?"

Jeremy looked up at Jess, concern on his face. "I want to go. I'm ok. I want to see Lorelai and Rory. And meet Leelee."

"Ok. I was just checking."

"Is it going to be weird for me to meet everyone else?" Jeremy looked away from Jess, his eyes straight ahead, looking out at the square.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean your mom and…...everyone. You're ok with it, right? I mean, I know last time you didn't want me to meet your mom….."

"It's not that I didn't want you to meet her. It's just that Liz and her husband, are kind of….I guess thoughtless might be the right word. Or careless. Unconcerned with other people's feelings sums it up pretty well, too. And I didn't want them to say something to you that would offend you. They're the kind of people that don't think twice about asking inappropriate personal questions and I didn't want them asking you stuff about your past and making you feel uncomfortable. Or just saying something stupid to you about our situation." Jess paused. "I felt like things with us were still new and kind of uncertain the last time we were here, and I didn't want them upsetting you in any way."

"Oh." Jess watched his foster son nod his head as if processing the information. "Ok."

"So, please don't take anything they say too seriously, ok?" Jess knew he would do his best to run interference in every conversation between Liz and TJ and Jeremy, but he couldn't be by the boy's side every minute. "If I'm not around and they ask you something personal or make a stupid comment about me adopting you, you have every right to tell them that you don't want to talk about something. Ok?"

"Ok." Jeremy looked a little nervous now and Jess wondered if he had gone too far in cautioning the boy.

"Don't get me wrong, they're basically nice people. But, they can both be pretty out there and insensitive. I just wanted to give you a heads up."

Jess watched Jeremy as he watched Winston, a small frown on his face. "No offense, but they don't sound like they're all that nice. Isn't TJ the guy that you said used to hit you before you moved in with Luke?"

"What? No. That wasn't TJ. That was a different husband of Liz's. She's had a lot of them. I think that marriage only ended up lasting a few months. I didn't meet TJ until I was an adult."

"Oh." Jeremy paused. "That's good to know." The boy started to smirk. "I thought I was going to have to give him the cold shoulder the whole time, or accidentally spill cranberry sauce in his lap as payback for being a jerk to you." The boy giggled, sounding younger than his years, and Jess' heart clenched the way it always did when he was reminded of what Jeremy's life had been like as small child. "Or put gravy on his chair so it looks like he pooped his pants after he sits on it."

Jess laughed. "Totally unnecessary, but I like knowing you've got my back."

Jeremy grinned. "It's like you told Luke. Adoption isn't one-sided. Being part of a family is a two-way street. We're a team, right? You, me and Winston."

Jess felt a comforting warmth spreading in his chest, and a need to physically connect with his kid. "Yes, we are, my friend. You, me, and this little furball. You're lucky I'm on your side, too." Jess slung an arm around the boys shoulders and shook him gently. "Otherwise, I'd rat you out to Luke for saying his gravy looks like shit." Jess smiled, proud of himself for eliciting the boy's laughter.

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Jeremy couldn't imagine a less likely candidate to be Jess' mom than Liz. The woman descended on them as soon as they stepped in the house, loud and dramatic, calling Jess her baby boy and laying her hands on both sides of his face. Jess had his hands full with Winston, having carried the dog the last three blocks after Winston had run out of steam, and had been unable to physically fend off his mother. Jeremy had tried not to laugh at Jess's discomfort as the man tried to twist out of her grasp, telling her to relax and give him a minute to put the dog down.

Once Liz considered Jess satisfactorily greeted, she moved on to Jeremy. "So, this is him." She said as she walked up to Jeremy. "This is the kid my kid picked to be his kid." She smiled intensely at Jeremy, but it only made him more uncomfortable. She seemed like the kind of person who would have no shame, and could easily embarrass another person without intending to. She reached her hands toward his face and Jeremy flinched slightly. Instead of laying them on his face like she had done to Jess, she reached around to the back of his skull, pulling his head down so that their foreheads touched and closed her eyes. Jeremy felt awkward having a stranger in his personal space like this, but he didn't want to pull away and risk offending Jess' mother. "Oh…" She spoke slowly. "I have a good feeling about you. I think the universe brought you and my son together for a reason. I really do-"

"Liz, what are you doing to him!" Jeremy heard Jess' voice, sharp and annoyed, and he gently broke free of Liz's hold to look at his foster father. Jess was a few feet away with a little girl of about ten. They were both crouched down and petting Winston, who was energized by the new people and was wagging his tail and rubbing the side of his face against the girl's jean clad leg.

"What? I'm just saying hello!" Liz laughed lightly as she defended herself, as if Jess were the one being inappropriate. "I can't say hello to my own grandson?"

"You can say hello without…..handling him so much." Jess' irritation was showing.

"Jess, lighten up! I was just trying to get a feel for his energy and get to know him. He's got very positive energy." She nodded sagely. "Very bright and clean. He could be a good influence on you. You could use some of that kind of energy in your life." She turned to address Jeremy. "Jess' energy is all twisted up and, honestly, a little dark. He gets that from his father. That man's energy, oh, I could tell you stories-"

"Liz, seriously." Jess was standing up now. "Jeremy doesn't want to hear stories about Jimmy, ok?"

"Jimmy? Who the hell wants to hear stories about that bum?" A heavyset man walked out of the kitchen, with a beer in one hand. He extended the other to Jess. "Jess, how you doing, kid!" His voice was playful. "You look puny. Did they cancel your gym membership on you or something? Liz, doesn't Jess look puny? What, you didn't pay your bill or something?"

"What, TJ?" Jess shook the man's hand, looking exasperated.

"That's good that you quit the gym, Jess!" Liz beamed at her son. "I feel like your energy became very repressed when you started putting on muscle. It's not natural to put on muscle like that."

"That's why I go au naturale." TJ declared, stretching out au naturale with extended emphasis on each syllable. "Just the muscle god gave me. No repressed energy here, right Lizzie?"

"I didn't quit the gym." Jeremy could hear the irritation in Jess' tone. "I haven't been making it there as often, but I really wouldn't say I'm puny. I've just been running more lately-" "And why am I defending myself to you, when was the last time you saw the inside of a gym?"

"Hey, be nice!" TJ was looking at Jeremy now, a smirk on his face, like they were sharing a joke. "I lift weights. I do bicep curls. See?" He slowly lifted his beer bottle, up and down to his mouth three times before laughing and taking a sip. "I just need a reward at the end of my workout." "So, how's it going there, Jason?"

"Jeremy!" Jess corrected with an eyeroll.

"Jeez, sorry! Hey, I was close." Jeremy couldn't tell if the man was inebriated or just an odd guy.

"I'm good. It's nice to meet you." Jeremy responded.

"He's better than good." Liz told her husband. "Nice clean energy, this one." She lowered her voice to a stage whisper. "I'm hoping he rubs off on Jess."

"I don't know. That sounds like something that could get Jess arrested." TJ laughed loudly at his own joke, and Liz smacked him on the chest with the back of her hand, before joining in.

Jeremy looked over at his foster father standing behind them, the little girl standing now too, leaning against Jess' side as he rested one hand on her head. He shrugged at Jeremy and mouthed the word 'sorry', tilting his head toward Liz and TJ, and smiled. Jeremy returned it, feeling at ease for the first time since they had arrived at the Gilmore house.

"Hey Jeremy, I want you to meet my little sister." The girl looked at Jeremy, a shy smile and an oversized pair of glasses on her small face. "She doesn't talk much, but she's a really cool kid."

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Dinner had been nice, for Jeremy at least. He had savored every aspect of his first holiday with his new family. It had all felt amazingly normal. Jess, however, appeared to be in a constant state of low-grade agitation around Liz and TJ, even more so than he was around Lorelai. Jeremy felt for him, but he was kind of amused by it, too. Liz and TJ seemed harmless enough, really. Just a little odd. And they both seemed to care about Jess and were welcoming to Jeremy, in their own weird ways.

At one point during the meal, TJ had spilled gravy on his shirt while everyone was listening to Lorelai tell a story about something that had happened at the inn. Jess had met Jeremy's eye across the table and the boy could tell from the subtly wicked look on his foster father's face that he was holding back the same laugh as Jeremy. It felt incredible to be here with his new extended family, sharing an inside joke with his soon-to-be dad. This was the stuff of his childhood dreams. He felt overcome with gratitude. The day had started off a little rough for Jeremy, but he had no complaints about how it was turning out.


	12. Chapter 12 - Thanksgiving Part II

**Chapter 12 Notes:** Some scenes from the rest of Jess and Jeremy's weekend in Stars Hollow. Next chapter they'll be headed back to Philly. I know it's been a while since I posted, but this chapter is extra long to make up for it. Thanks to everyone who is reading and reviewing my story. I love hearing from you guys. It makes me smile every time I get a review. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Jess and Jeremy didn't get to meet the baby until she woke up from her nap that evening, when dinner was over and Liz and her family had already left. Jess had been grateful for that. He could admit that Liz had been less than offensive with Jeremy, but he still didn't trust her to not make some kind of comment about how Jess should have had a baby, too, instead of adopting. In this case, he wasn't sure if he was looking to protect Jeremy's feelings or his own.

Rory carried the baby into the living down, looking down at the little person in her arms and adjusting the hood on the baby's sleeper. "Here she is." She said softly, looking up with so much warmth in her eyes that it momentarily sent Jess reeling, as thoughts filled his mind, unbidden. A flash of Rory aiming a similar look at him when they'd been teenagers and falling in love, before he has messed everything up. Then a flash of Charisse, the only woman who had ever really loved him as an adult, laying in bed beside him, her face a few inches from his, her brown skin glowing in the soft light from the window, her dark eyes bright with love, long before he had wrecked everything there, too. "Lorelai Gilmore, the third. Well, not technically the third since we each have different middle names, but close enough."

Jess wasn't necessarily comfortable around babies, but he knew how easily people could get offended when he didn't behave enthusiastically enough. And things had been getting better between him and Rory. He could feel the ice thawing this weekend even as the temperatures outside were dropping. He felt like he was capable of moving past the shit from the summer, when she had led him to believe that Paul was the baby's father. He knew she must have had her reasons for keeping the father's identity secret. None of that was his business anyway. And if anything, the way she had misled him about Logan had helped him see where he stood with her. On the outside. Which was fine. He didn't want to get close to her again, but he wanted to be capable of co-existing with his step-cousin, for his own comfort, but also for Luke and Jeremy. He wanted to give Jeremy one big happy family.

He took a step closer, peering down at the baby's face, her blue eyes open and bright even though she had just woken up. "She's amazing, Rory." He had said it because it was what was expected in this kind of situation, but he realized it was also true. She was this whole little incredible living person. And Rory had made her. "Lorelai Gilmore the third, huh? So, does that mean she isn't going by Leelee anymore?"

Rory laughed just as Lorelai and Luke walked in from the kitchen. "Hey, what's wrong with Leelee?" Lorelai asked, her voice playful. "It was good enough for Joan of Arc, wasn't it?"

"What does that even mean? Joan of Arc's name was not Leelee. I'm pretty sure it was Joan." Jess knew he had pronounced Leelee with too much disdain. That he would need to watch himself before he created tension. Lorelai had been trying with him this weekend. He recognized that, appreciated it, and knew he would be a jerk for not reciprocating. Spending time with Liz and TJ always gave him a new perspective on Lorelai. He couldn't imagine how much more of a three-ring circus his family would be if Luke had married someone like Liz instead of Lorelai, who was somewhat grounded in reality, when she wanted to be, at least.

"Not in real life, no." Rory confirmed, nodding with exaggerated seriousness. "It's a long story, but let's just say, Leelee Sobieski has sentimental value to me and my mom."

Lorelai stood beside Rory, leaning in to kiss her granddaughter on the cheek. "It's not that long a story, hon." She turned to Jess and Jeremy. "Rory fangirled Leelee Sobieski like crazy her freshman year of high school after we watched Joan of Arc. See, long story short!" She laughed and made silly faces at the baby, who opened her eyes wider in response.

Jess heard Jeremy laugh, and he held back an eyeroll. He knew it was ridiculous and petty, but it bothered him that his kid thought Lorelai was funny and charming. If he wanted Jeremy to have good family relationships, he knew he had to tolerate her better. And this weekend had been easier than most, with Lorelai in happy grandma mode.

"I did not fangirl her." Rory said. "I was taken by her mesmerizing performance. Inspired by her portrayal of Joan of Arc's selfless heroism." Rory looked down at Leelee. "Right, munchkin. Mommy has good taste, doesn't she?"

"Ah." Jess nodded knowingly. "What's her middle name, Gwen Stefani?"

Rory laughed. "Hey, watch it! If you want to hold her, you better be nice. She doesn't take too kindly to people who pick on her mom, do you Leelee?" Rory smiled down at her daughter again, bouncing her a little in her arms. "And, no, her middle name is Emily. After my grandmother." "If you guys want to hold her, you've got to wash your hands." Rory told them.

"Really?" Jeremy asked. "It's ok if I hold her, too?" Jess could hear the surprised excitement in his foster son's question, and he felt a pang of sadness at the reminder that Jeremy always expected to be excluded. He thought about April's text earlier and Rory and Lorelai including the boy in their Buffy marathon the last time they had visited, and he felt a warm rush of affection for his family, his whole family, for being so welcoming to his foster son.

Jess watched Rory smile at the boy, gently bouncing Leelee. "Of course, it's ok. She's your…...what, first cousin once removed, I think. Or something like that." Rory smiled warmly at the boy as she sat down on the couch. "Go wash your hands and then come sit with us and you can hold her."

Jeremy smiled and nodded and walked into the hall bathroom. Jess could hear the faucet running for a full three minutes before the boy returned. "You scrubbing in for surgery in there, or what?" Jess asked as the boy got situated on the couch.

Jeremy blushed. "I just wanted to make sure my hands were really clean."

Rory scooted closer to Jeremy with the baby. "Don't listen to him, Jeremy. Leelee appreciates fastidious hygiene." Rory instructed Jeremy on how to hold the baby before slowly transferring her into his arms.

"Am I doing this right?" Jeremy asked, his smile faltering for a moment as Rory helped him adjust his arms to cradle the baby. "I've never held a baby before. I don't want to mess up."

"You're doing great, kiddo." Lorelai encouraged warmly from the chair facing the couch. "You're a natural baby-holder."

Jess watched Jeremy holding the baby, the boy's face radiating happiness, and he felt thankful to be able to give Jeremy experiences like this. Jeremy was so appreciative of every kindness from Jess or any of his family in Stars Hollow. As much as Jess hated what Jeremy had had to go through to end up that way, it was one of his favorite things about the boy. It made him so easy to love. The thought gave Jess an instant twinge of guilt.

"Jess." Luke said. "Aren't you going to go wash up? Don't you want to hold her, too?"

"Hmmm…." Jess said. "Uh, yeah, I will. I'm letting Jeremy test it out first. If he makes it through unscathed, with no bodily fluids on his person, I'll give it a try."

"Jess." Luke admonished playfully. "C'mon. How often do you get a chance to hold a new baby like this?"

Not often. Jess knew that. Things hadn't been great between Jess and Liz when Doula was born and he hadn't held her or spent any real time with her until the girl had been much older and already toddling around.

"Aww." Rory looked up from Leelee to Jess. "Jess is afraid of a teeny, tiny baby. That's so cute."

"Stop. I am not. I just feel more comfortable around kids who are toilet trained and have gotten past the spitting up phase." Jess smirked. "Like Jeremy here."

Jeremy laughed, not taking his eyes off Leelee's face. "You should hold her, Jess. This is really cool."

"Maybe later." Jess said. "Right now, I'm enjoying watching you do it."

"I am, too." Luke said, a content smile on his face as he sat perched on the arm of Lorelai's chair. "Oh, hey, that reminds me!" Luke hurried back into the kitchen and returned with his cell phone, playing around on the screen and lining himself up a few feet in front of Jeremy. "I need to get a picture of this."

Rory rolled her eyes, fondly. "I think we could wallpaper the house at this point with all the pictures Luke's taken and she's only a month old."

Luke huffed out a laugh. "Hey, give me a break. How often do I get to see my favorite great-nephew holding my favorite granddaughter like this? This is good stuff. Completely picture-worthy."

"Ok, Jeremy, on the count of three, I want to see you smile." Luke instructed. "1…..2…...3!" Jess watched Jeremy lift his head and face the camera, the grin on his face genuine and joyful. It hit Jess that he didn't have any pictures of Jeremy. He'd have to get Luke to send him a copy.

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Friday morning found Luke, Jeremy and a still sleepy Jess at the Home Depot in Woodbury, shopping for birdhouse materials. Jess sipped from the to-go cup of coffee that he had helped himself to on the way out of the diner. It's not that he couldn't get up early. He could. There was a time in the not so distant past when he would hit the gym by six thirty most mornings to fit in a workout before he had to be in the office. He just didn't see a point in getting up early for this. It wasn't like Home Depot was going to run out of birdhouse-making supplies. Luke had taken one look at him, bleary eyed and yawning when he had come downstairs and laughed, asking Jess if he was sure he wanted to come. Jess had been sure. He wanted to be in on the bonding this time. He knew that Jeremy liked spending time with Luke and he didn't want to infringe upon that. He wanted Jeremy to have his own relationship with his uncle. But the kid had already spent a few hours with the man yesterday in the diner kitchen while Jess had been forced to make small talk with Kirk and Babbette. He didn't want to miss out again today.

They had already spent way too long looking at wood, discussing the different properties and coloring of several types before selecting two planks. Jess was now watching Luke have a teachable moment with Jeremy about screws, as his uncle explained the characteristics of different types and which ones were better for an outdoor project. Jeremy was listening intently, nodding, asking appropriate questions. Jess wondered how interested the kid really was in this, or if he was just faking an interest to spend time with Luke. Jess himself was bored silly. "You guys know that the birdhouse kits we passed on the way in probably come with all the screws you need, right?"

Luke looked up from the screw he was discussing with Jeremy, his expression playful, that of a parent humoring a restless child. "Jess if you bring up those birdhouse kits one more time, you're walking back to Stars Hollow."

Jeremy grinned and Jess held up the hand not holding his coffee cup, palm out. "I'm just sayin'..."

"We're not here to buy a kit, where someone else has already made all the design decisions for us, and pre-cut the wood. What's the point in that? We might as well just buy a finished birdhouse if we're going to do that."

"Hey, there's another idea!" Jess said.

Luke chuckled and shook his head. "Where did I go wrong with you, nephew? We're here to get the materials we need to give Jeremy an education in woodworking. By the time we're done, Jeremy will have developed a foundation of real skills that he can use for the rest of his life and he'll have the satisfaction that comes from building something completely from scratch. Do you think you can get that from a kit?"

"Um, I'm going to guess that's a no based on your tone and the context."

Luke smiled fondly at his nephew and clapped him lightly on the shoulder with the hand not holding the screw. "Good guess. There's hope for you yet." Luke turned back to Jeremy and they refocused their attention on screws. Jess wandered a few feet away, looking at the stock on the shelves. Screws, screws and more screws.

A woman in an orange apron approached Jess. "Hi there! I'm Sue. Is there anything I can help you with today?"

"I'm good. Thanks." Jess lifted his coffee in the direction of his uncle and foster son. "I'm just waiting on these two."

"Ah, I see." She refocused on Luke and Jeremy, a big smile on her face, as she closed the gap between them with a few steps. "May I ask what you gentlemen are working on?"

Jeremy responded, matching her enthusiasm and energy with his own. "We're building a birdhouse."

"Fun! Is this your first project?"

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah, I've never made anything before."

"Well, a birdhouse is a great starter project." She gave the pieces of wood that Jeremy was holding and the screw in Luke's hand a once over. She smiled broadly. "And, it looks like you're in good hands here. I'll leave you gentlemen to it. My name is Sue. If you need anything, don't be shy."

"Thanks, but I think we're good." Luke said. Jess watched as Luke and Jeremy went back to conferring about the screw, and sighed. How much could a person really say about a freaking screw?

The saleswoman paused by Jess as she walked away. "Isn't that cute?" She asked in a lowered voice, with a big smile. "I just love seeing dads and kids in here planning projects together. It makes me remember all the time I spent building stuff with my dad when I was a kid. I really appreciate those memories."

Jess knew Jeremy had heard her. Luke was oblivious, still going on about screws as he reached for another package on the shelf in front of him, but Jess watched Jeremy avert his eyes from his uncle, looking down for a moment, his mouth turning up slightly at the corner, a pink blush rising on his face, a little uncomfortable, but also a little pleased, before he looked back up and resumed nodding along to what Luke was saying.

"Of course." The saleswoman continued. "My first project was a stable for my My Little Pony collection, but I was pretty young, and nothing in the store seemed sparkly enough." She smiled again. "Well, have a good day!"

Jess nodded and got out a "you too" as she walked away. He wondered how this woman had thought he fit into the picture, if Luke and Jeremy were father and son and Jess was clearly waiting for them. Luke's other son? Their driver? Was it that difficult to look at him and think 'dad' and assign Luke to the 'grandpa' role? He watched Luke and Jeremy. Now, Luke was holding the piece of wood and pointing out something on the edge to Jeremy. Jess was happy that Jeremy and Luke had a good connection. He really was. He couldn't imagine how he would deal with it if Luke and Jeremy had a relationship similar to his own with Lorelai. He didn't think he'd be able to withstand the tension between two people he cared about as well as Luke did. He was grateful they got along so well. He just wasn't sure where it left him sometimes. Jess mused on whether he should go hang out in the lumber section since it seemed a more appropriate place to be if he was going to blend into the woodwork like this. He snorted at his own lame joke, and Luke looked up at the sound.

"I'm serious, Jess. One more word about those kits and you better start walking."

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Jeremy walked into the house, safety goggles propped up on his head. He stopped short at the sight of his foster father holding Leelee and slowly pacing in the kitchen. Jess wasn't cradling the baby the way Rory had instructed Jeremy the night before. He looked more comfortable than that. He was holding her upright, her narrow chest against his broad one, her small head resting on his shoulder as she slept, one hand supporting her weight and one on her back, his thumb moving in tiny circles between her shoulder blades. The pair looked peaceful and Jeremy could only describe the look on Jess' face as content.

"Hey." Jess whispered softly. "How's it going out there?"

Jeremy matched Jess' low volume. "Uh, it's good. I'm learning a lot." Jeremy stood still, watching Jess and Leelee.

"Good." Jess smiled at his foster son. "Was there something that you needed?"

"Uh, yeah. Luke sent me in for a light bulb. One of the ones in the garage blew out. He said they're in the hall closet."

Jess stepped aside so that Jeremy could walk past him to the closet, but the boy didn't move. "We were wondering where you went." Jess had left the garage around half an hour ago to use the bathroom and hadn't returned. "What are you doing in here?"

"Gee, Jeremy, I'm whitewashing a fence, can't you tell?" Jess was smiling, but his voice didn't feel as playful as it usually did when he was being sarcastic. Jeremy told himself not to be sensitive, that it was probably harder to pull off in a whisper. He could feel himself frowning, and tried to stop.

"Sorry, I just meant…." Jeremy trailed off, unsure how to finish, feeling like he was intruding. That he should just grab the light bulb and go. He took a step toward the hallway, but stopped when Jess spoke.

Jess smiled warmly. "I know what you meant. I was just teasing you." Jess' voice was low and gentle now. "I'm hanging out with this little thing." Jess tilted his head down toward the baby in his arms. "Lorelai is at the inn and Rory wanted to take a quick shower. So." Jess shrugged the shoulder that didn't have a baby sleeping on it. "Here we are."

"Oh." Jeremy's whisper was barely audible.

"You ok?" Jess was giving him a concerned look now, and Jeremy started to feel self-conscious. "You having fun with Luke?"

"Yeah. Yeah, definitely. I should go get the lightbulb. I don't want to keep him waiting." Jeremy walked past Jess and dug around on the top shelf in the closet where Luke had said the light bulb would be. He knew it shouldn't make him feel bad to see Jess looking so comfortable and happy with Leelee. Babies made people happy. That's just how it was. Jeremy had enjoyed holding her on thanksgiving, too. Luke had already printed out the picture of him holding her and put it up on the fridge next to one of Doula holding Leelee. So, Jeremy had seen his own face and knew how happy holding the baby had made him. It was only natural. There had just been something unsettling about seeing Jess with the kid he probably should have had. Not his cousin's baby, of course, but a baby. A baby who was an age-appropriate child for someone in their early-thirties. A baby that he could bond with from the start and watch grow up over the next several years. Not an almost eighteen year old. Jeremy wondered if Jess wanted to have a baby of his own. He knew Jess had told him that he wasn't planning on fostering any more kids, but a baby was different. Jess probably wanted to get married and have a baby of his own someday. Most people did. Jeremy found the light bulb and shut the closet door softly.

Jess was standing behind him in the hallway, quietly watching him, when Jeremy turned around. The man readjusted his hold to balance the baby in one arm, extending his free hand to Jeremy, cupping the back of the boy's neck and pulling his head down so that he could drop a kiss on the side of Jeremy's head above his ear, careful to not dislodge his safety goggles. "I love you, Jeremy." Jess whispered a few inches from his ear before releasing his hold on the boy.

Jeremy felt a sharp sense of vulnerability, and the familiar and unwanted sting behind his eyes that was always the precursor to him getting emotional. He nodded and did his best to keep his voice quiet and steady. "I love you, too."

Jess reached up and ran a gentle hand over the back of Jeremy's hair, behind the safety glasses, not tousling it as much as just petting the boy's head like he would Winston's, before lowering his hand and returning it to Leelee's back. "I hate that I missed out on knowing you when you were this little. I wish I had gotten to love you your whole life." Something in Jeremy' chest clenched at the words. He wished that, too. They he had gone to live with Jess right after his mother's death. He knew it wasn't a reasonable thought since Jess would have been only twenty when Jeremy was five, but he couldn't help thinking about how differently his life would have turned out if he had spent his childhood with Jess. He watched Jess' warm smile shift into a playful grin. "Plus, it's pretty annoying that I just got a kid and he's already taller than I am."

Jeremy felt a matching smile spreading across his own face. "Sorry, I'll work on that."

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"So, I think I want to start learning ASL, if that's ok." Jeremy was holding Winston's leash and watching the dog sniff at the base of a tree. It was Saturday afternoon and he and Jess were walking back to the diner from Liz and TJ's. They had taken Doula out for ice cream and just walked her back home. It was an unseasonably warm day and they had been able to sit outside with their ice cream so that Winston could come along.

"Yeah?" Jeremy could hear the pleased surprise in Jess' voice.

Jeremy looked up at his foster father. "Yeah. I downloaded an instructional app for it last night. I wanted to learn some stuff before we saw Doula today, but I still couldn't pick up very much of what she said."

Jess nodded. "Well, it's tough. It's a whole new language. But, it'll get easier the more you study it."

"Yeah. You think so?"

"It will." Jess sounded convinced. "It should go without saying, but I'm pretty sure you can learn anything that TJ can learn."

Jeremy huffed out a light laugh. "I hope so. I felt bad when Doula was getting frustrated that I couldn't understand her. And, I was thinking about how much more difficult her life must be, and how she should at least be able to communicate with everyone in her family. And, I mean if you're going to adopt me…." Jeremy trailed off, feeling suddenly insecure. Maybe he was being presumptuous to think Doula would care one way or another if Jeremy could speak to her.

Jeremy looked up to see a small smile on his foster father's face, before Jess finished the thought for him. "You'll be part of her family. Of course you will. And, I really appreciate that you want to be able to understand my little sister. That's really thoughtful of you, Jeremy." Jeremy looked back toward Winston. He could feel himself blushing a little and knew it was stupid. He needed to learn to accept praise like a normal person.

"Do Lorelai and Rory know sign language?" Jeremy asked. At thanksgiving, he had watched Luke, Jess, Liz and TJ communicate fairly easily with Doula through signing, but Rory and Lorelai had seemed to mostly wave and smile at the girl and only made a few signs that looked more like vague hand gestures in her direction.

"They know a few things, but not much. It's my impression that they never studied the language in any serious way. April is the best at it. She learned when she was a teenager and even joined some club for deaf kids at her high school in New Mexico so she could practice. You should see her with Doula. Their hands move so fast. They're laughing at all these inside jokes that everyone else is missing. They have a lot of fun together." Jess paused. "I'm ok at it, but nowhere near as good as April. I don't know if I would even consider myself fluent."

"Really? You guys seemed like you were communicating so well just now."

"We get by. But, did you see how many words she had to spell for me? Every time I see her, now that she's getting older, some signs always come up that I don't recognize and she has to spell them out. I always feel guilty about that. Most ten year olds don't need to work so hard to communicate with their siblings. I should really learn more. It's tough because I only see her and get to use ASL a few times a year, but whenever I do, I feel like I should be doing better."

"Maybe we could practice together at home while I'm learning."

Jess nodded. "We can definitely do that. I think it's really great that you want to learn."

Jeremy shrugged. "Doula's your sister. I want to be able to communicate with everyone who's important to you. And, I know how it feels to be different, like you don't fit, and I don't want to be someone who makes Doula feel like that. I'm sure she gets enough of that in her life without me adding to it."

"You've got a good heart, Jeremy."

Jeremy glanced at Jess and took in the fond expression on his face. Jeremy could feel his cheeks heating again and wished his feelings weren't so readily betrayed by his body. "It's just, like…" He could feel himself floundering, but he wanted to talk to Jess about something that had been on his mind since he had met Doula. "Doula having a…...communication barrier, I guess, with most of the people she meets-. Uh, is that ok to say?"

"Sure, that's fine. I'd say that's accurate."

"It's like, it made me think of this thing. When we turn 16 in foster care, we start working on our ILP, or our Independent Living Plan, for when we age out of the system, right. It's supposed to help get us ready to live on our own. There are all these goals that we're supposed to accomplish." Jeremy glanced toward Jess, who looked slightly puzzled, but was paying close attention. "It's stuff like, graduate high school, get a part-time job, learn to cook a meal. Pretty basic things, I guess. But, the first thing listed on the plan is to develop a life-long relationship with a supportive adult. That's how they word it, just like that. Like developing that kind of relationship is something I can just go out and do and achieve. And, I've always failed at that goal until I met you and your family. And, I'm so grateful that I have you and that I can finally tick off that box."

Jess nodded slowly, his brow furrowed in concentration as he listened. Jeremy knew he had gone off on a tangent and that Jess was likely trying to follow how this tied in with Doula. "Ok. I'm grateful that I have you, too, just for the record."

Jeremy smiled. "Thanks. So, like, Doula made me think about that, because I guess….I don't see it being easy for her to just go out and make friends and develop relationships either."

Jess nodded. "It hasn't been."

"And, I don't want to be someone else that she can't know. I guess I want to be the kind of person for her that they tell us to look for in our ILP. A supportive person that she can know her whole life. If she wants to. Because maybe that's hard for her, too. I mean, I know she has lots of other people already, like her parents, and Luke and you and April, and I'm not saying that I'd be anyone special in her life. But, it's not easy to make supportive, long lasting relationships, maybe for anyone, but especially when you have a whole extra layer of issues piled on. Like I did, and like Doula does. So, I know she already has people in her life like that, but I want to be another one, I guess. Because you can never have too many people who care about you and that you can connect with, right?" Jeremy started to feel self-conscious at how long he had been speaking, and how much he had started to ramble in his attempt to convey his feelings of being somewhat of a kindred-spirit with Doula due to the outsider status of their childhoods. "And, I know you said that she just goes to the regular school and is assigned an interpreter, and that can't be easy…..I don't know. I just don't want to be part of what sucks for her." He paused. "Did that even make any sense at all?"

When Jeremy looked back toward Jess, the man was looking at him thoughtfully, and Jeremy hoped that nothing he had said about Doula's deafness had been offensive. "I think it did." A warm smile spread across Jess' face. "I think Doula would really appreciate it if you learned ASL. We can try to find an actual class when we get to New York if you'd be interested in doing that. That way you could meet other people to practice with, too."

"Ok. Yeah, that would be great. Thank you."

"Thank you, too, Jeremy." Jess was grinning now. "For being such a great kid. I hope I tell you that enough." He reached out a hand and grabbed the top of Jeremy's shoulder, shaking the boy slightly. "You make this parenting thing pretty damn easy. I appreciate that."

Jeremy laughed softly. "Thanks. I try."

Jess pulled back his arm. "And, I know you probably didn't mean it literally, but you said 'if' in regards to the adoption. 'If' I'm adopting you, you'll be in Doula's family."

Jeremy looked up at Jess. "Oh, sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I just didn't want to…." Jeremy trailed off.

"We have a date, you and me. December 13. Three weeks away. The adoption is happening. You know that, right? The only thing that could stop it at this point would be if you changed your mind about wanting it." Jess' expression was concerned. "I just don't want you feeling insecure about it and thinking in terms of 'if' ok?"

Jeremy nodded. "OK. Sorry."

Jess let out a comically exaggerated sigh and Jeremy giggled. "Sorry for saying sorry. I know you hate when I do that."

"There's nothing you do that I hate, Jeremy. I just want you to know that on my end, you're already my family. The adoption will just be a formality. And, you have my word that I won't back out of it. Ok? I don't want to back out. There's nothing I want to do more."

Jeremy nodded. "I already think of you as my family, too." Jeremy made sure to keep his tone light and playful, his biggest fear masquerading as a joke. "But, I'm still looking forward to making it official, anyway. So that you'll be legally stuck with me, and it'll be too late to change your mind and get rid of me."

Jeremy knew he hadn't played it off well enough when he saw the way Jess was looking at him, solemn and a little pained. Jeremy knew he had been too transparent. He should have just kept his stupid mouth shut. Jess spoke after a moment, and Jeremy was grateful that he was letting it go. "I'm glad to hear it, Jeremy. I'm looking forward to it, too."

They walked in silence for a while, following Winston's nose as the dog wandered through the town square, tugging at his leash and sniffing at grass and shrubs. Jeremy had one more thing on his mind, and he felt like this was as good a time as any to bring it up. "So, uh….Leelee is pretty great, huh?"

"Yes, she certainly is." Jess was looking at him weirdly again, or more accurately, he was looking at Jeremy as if Jeremy was the one being weird. "Except for that nickname, which is pretty awful."

"Yeah, it is kind of goofy." "So, um, do you think you'll have a baby?"

"What?" Jess looked caught off guard and amused at the same time. "Like, right now? Cause I've got no immediate plans in that area, if that's what you're asking. If I remember junior high health class correctly, I'm pretty sure you need a girl for that, which you may have noticed, I am without at the moment."

Jeremy looked away, out at the buildings surrounding the town square. "I mean ever, I guess. I mean do you want one. Do you want a baby?"

"No." Jess said. "At this moment, I can honestly say that I do not want a baby. I can't guarantee that that won't change, but right now, I don't see myself with a baby."

Jeremy thought back to walking in on Jess with Rory's baby yesterday. "You looked like you were really enjoying holding Leelee yesterday."

"I was." Jess spoke slowly, like he was explaining a concept that should be simple to someone who was simple. "So were you on Thanksgiving."

"Yeah, I know."

"Does that mean I need to start worrying about becoming a grandpa? Or keeping you away from this Melissa girl?"

Jeremy hoped he wasn't blushing again at the mention of his having a baby with Melissa. Jeremy had never gotten anywhere near real sex with a girl and he didn't want his blushing to announce his virgin status to Jess. "No, of course not. I was just wondering."

"Jeremy, if you're looking for a brother or sister, you should know that you might never get one. I mean who knows, maybe I'll start dating after you go off to college and you will get one. But, I wouldn't bank on it, ok?"

"Yeah, I know. That's fine."

"You might have to make do with just the cousins you already have, April, Leelee and…... wow, I just realized that Doula is actually your aunt."

Jeremy scrunched up his face. "That's weird."

"Aunt Doula." Jess drew out the words. "That sounds even more messed up than Aunt Lorelai."

Jeremy laughed lightly.

"Is that why you're asking?" Jess asked carefully. "Do you want a sibling?"

"No, not particularly. I was just wondering….what to expect, I guess…..I don't know."

"Oh."

"What?" Jeremy felt nervous at the look of realization on Jess' face. Were his insecurities that transparent?

"Ah, I see." Jess' voice was playful now and Jeremy knew that whatever was coming next was going to be the opposite of serious. "You heard about the baby I ordered from Amazon to replace you. This is so awkward. I really didn't want you to find out this way."

Jeremy huffed out a laugh. Jess could be so ridiculous sometimes.

"Yeah. It's a baby boy. I'm naming him Jess Jr." Jess' tone was exaggerated nonsense. "He's really cute and he's brand new, so obviously, I'll love him tons more than I love you. My plan was to introduce him into our family slowly over time, while gradually phasing you out at the same time, without you noticing, of course, so that we could avoid the very same awkward conversation that we're currently having. You understand, right? No hard feelings?"

Jeremy smiled in spite of himself. He looked at his foster father, who had turned to face him, grinning ear to ear and holding out his hand as if he expected to shake over sealing their deal. "I take it you're trying to say that you think I'm being stupid?"

"I would never say that." Jess raised his extended hand and placed it gently on Jeremy's shoulder. "But, I am saying that you have nothing to worry about." Jess paused. "I'm not sure if our family will always be just you and me. Maybe I'll have another child. I don't know. I'm only 33 and I like to think I'm not too hard on the eyes, so it could happen." Jess smirked at his own phrasing. "But, you'll always be my first kid, and no matter who else I love in my life, even if I get married tomorrow and have 37 biological children the very next day, I promise that I will never love anyone else more than I love you." Jess was smiling his most charming smile now, the one that had put Jeremy off when he had first met him. He didn't mind it now. He had come to recognize it as the way Jess smiled when he was trying hard to be funny, but feeling insecure about whether he was pulling it off. In its own way, it showed that Jess cared about what Jeremy thought of him. Jess nudged Jeremy in the arm with his fist. "Does that answer your question satisfactorialy?"

Jeremy nodded, thinking about how a year ago he would have seen having to share his parent with a new baby as a pretty good problem to have, since it would have meant he at least had a parent of his own to share. And now, he was being adopted into a really nice family, but he still couldn't stop worrying about potential problems or about being excluded down the road. He wondered if he would ever really feel secure. "Yeah, I think you made your point."

"Good." Jess squeezed the back of Jeremy's neck gently before pulling his hand back, a smirk on his face. "But, in the interest of full disclosure, Winston here will always be my favorite child. Mostly because he doesn't tease me about Lorelai being my aunt or gang up on me with Luke. Just going for honesty, here. I hear it's the foundation of any good relationship."

Jeremy grinned back. "Fair enough. Winston's my favorite family member, too. Mostly because he doesn't hog the bathroom for 45 minutes every morning trying to perfect his 'I woke up like this' look."

Jeremy giggled as he sidestepped the light backhand Jess aimed at his shoulder. "Oh, so that's how it's going to be, huh? Wow, parenting really is a thankless job." Jess shook his head. "You give and you give, and then they turn on you!"

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Jeremy thought the topic had been dropped until later that night in Luke's apartment, when it had been just the two of them and Jeremy had been headed to bed. Jess had leaned in for the usual one-armed half hug that Jeremy got when they said goodnight. The contact was something that Jess had added to their routine after the conversation about New York when Jess had told him he loved him for the first time. The gesture was normally accompanied by a quick kiss on the side of his head, and it made Jeremy happy every time he thought about the fact that he was someone who got kissed goodnight now. It felt normal enough in the moment, but it felt unbelievably surreal when Jeremy thought about it later in relation to how the rest of his life had been. He had a real parent now, who loved him enough to kiss him goodnight. It was a concept that still left him feeling overwhelmed at times, deeply grateful, but overwhelmed.

On this particular night, the hug was followed by a hand on his bicep, holding him firmly in place as if Jess expected him to try to make a run for it. He looked up at his foster father in surprise to see an expression on the man's face so serious that it unsettled him, even as his arm was released. "Hey, Jeremy. I uh, just wanted to say one more thing about what we were talking about earlier. I don't want you to feel like I wasn't taking you seriously, or that I was trying to make light of something that you worry about."

Jess paused, looking at Jeremy intently, his expression earnest and maybe a little chagrined. Jeremy was caught off guard, and he wasn't sure what to say. He hadn't been offended earlier, not really. He had even kind of liked the idea that Jess found his concern so far-fetched and unfounded that he could joke about it. "It's ok, Jess. I didn't take it that way."

"Good. I'm glad to hear that. I know I still don't know much about what you've been through, but I want you to know that I get that you have reasons to be worried or scared about certain situations." Jess paused, and Jeremy looked down uncomfortably at being reminded that he hadn't really opened up to Jess about his life, even though he knew Jess had hinted a few times at being interested and had told him directly that he was willing to listen. "And, I get that nothing I can say will fix that for you. I know I can tell you I love you and that you're my family all day long, but at the end of the day those are just words, and I get that you don't totally trust them. I know it will take time for you to trust how much I care about you, and how committed I am to being your parent. And, I'm ok with that. I have time."

Jess looked so solemn and serious that it was throwing Jeremy off. "It's….it's not that I don't trust you. I do. You've been better to me than anyone has since..…..." Jeremy could tell his voice was going to crack if he said 'my mom' so he left the sentence to linger unfinished. "I do trust you. It's just hard, sometimes. When you're used to stuff being a certain way. I don't know. But, I do trust you, Jess. I don't want you to think I don't. Ok?"

Jess was smiling now and it made Jeremy feel more comfortable. He always preferred smiling Jess to serious Jess. Serious Jess made him nervous. "Ok. I'll take your word for it. I trust you, too." Jeremy felt Jess's hand, warm on the back of his neck, as his head was pulled forward so Jess could drop a kiss on the side of his head. "I love you, kid."

Jeremy believed him. He really did. He just wished it was enough to silence the little voice in his head that kept warning him that this was too good to be true, and that things that were this good didn't last, maybe they did for other people, but not for him. "I love you, too."


	13. Chapter 13 - Opening Up

**Chapter 13 Notes:** The boys head back to Philly. Jess finally gets the conversation he's been looking for. I wasn't going to post again so soon, but inspiration struck and I couldn't focus on anything else, so I figured I better write it down and get it out of my system! Thanks for all the reviews and feedback. I love hearing what you guys are thinking about this story. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

They were on the road by mid-morning on Sunday, staying only long enough to have breakfast with Luke, just the three of them, in the diner and then head over to the house so that Luke and Jeremy could hang the finished birdhouse. Once Jeremy had decided it made more sense to hang the birdhouse in the yard in Stars Hollow than to bring it back to Philly, where they had no practical place to hang it, he had wanted to give it a coat of blue paint to match Luke and Lorelai's house and had left it to dry overnight. Jess had stood on the porch with Lorelai and Rory, each drinking coffee from a mug and watching Luke and Jeremy install the little house on a metal rod they had attached to the side of the garage. He had realized then that he enjoyed watching Jeremy with Luke more when he wasn't trying to insert himself into the action. He had nothing except sarcastic comments to contribute to the process of birdhouse hanging, so he had hung back, out of the way, letting them do their thing together. Jess had watched Jeremy blush and duck his head at the enthusiastic applause and hooting from the porch as he climbed down from the ladder. Jess smiled at how cute the boy's shyness was, and then at how preposterous the idea of finding an almost eighteen year old boy cute would have felt to him a year ago. They had said a final round of goodbyes, his and Lorelai's being the warmest he could remember in a long time, although he still only hugged Luke, while Jeremy hugged everyone. Small steps, he told himself. It had been a good weekend and Jess had pulled out of Lorelai's driveway feeling grateful for the little group of people that he and Jeremy got to call family.

They were about halfway into their four hour trip and Jess was determined to learn something new about his foster son's past during this car ride. He felt like it was time. That he should ask some direct questions, without being pushy or invasive. They were going to stand in front of a judge and become father and son in less than a month and Jess wanted to know more about his new child. He figured that was natural. Starting the conversation, however, felt anything but, and Jess kept chickening out when it came to direct questions.

He tried again. "So, I think you're going to like New York. Have you ever been before?" Jess was aiming to chip into a story from Jeremy's past casually and then ask more questions until he started to get some kind of picture of at least a small piece of what Jeremy's childhood was like before he had come into his life.

"Uh, yeah. Once for a field trip in fourth grade. We went to the statue of liberty." Jess heard a faint buzz and glanced over to see Jeremy looking down at his phone and smiling, followed by quick typing, more buzzing and more smiling. The boy had been texting with Melissa on and off since they had gotten in the car, and something about it was rubbing Jess the wrong way. Jeremy had kept his phone in his pocket for the majority of the weekend and hadn't taken it out to text while Luke or anyone else had been talking to him. And it offended Jess that they boy's good manners had disappeared as soon as they had gotten in the car, just the two of them, as if Jess didn't count, and the trip had been over as soon as they had said goodbye to everyone else.

"That's it? None of the foster families you lived with ever took you?"

Jeremy looked up at Jess, a slightly puzzled frown on his face. Jess knew the question had been a poor choice, feeling simultaneously random and oddly specific. He sighed. He was always so awkward at starting personal conversations. He had learned that he was much better at going with the flow in situations where Jeremy initiated the topic. That was more of his comfort zone, when he didn't have to plan out a strategy and have time to overthink everything.

"Uh. Not that I remember." Jeremy's phone buzzed again, and Jess watched from the corner of his eye as the boy glanced down at it, then back up at Jess when he quickly asked a follow up question to keep the boy's attention.

"What about other places? Did any of your foster families take you any place else, or on any trips?"

Jeremy looked pensive. "I didn't really go too many places as a kid. I did have one foster family who took me to Disney World. But, I think that's the only real trip I've ever been on." Jeremy looked down and typed into his phone.

"Disney World, huh?" Jess did his best to cultivate a tone that was interested, but not overly so to the point of raising suspicion. "That sounds like fun. I've never been, myself. Did you like it?"

"Uh, yeah, it was really cool." Another buzz from the boy's phone, followed by more smiling and more typing.

"How old were you when you went?"

Jeremy looked up. "Oh, um, maybe nine or ten, I guess."

"Were those foster parents nice? Did you like them?" Jess knew this conversation was dying a slow death, that the kid would much rather be texting with this girl than talking to him.

Jeremy's phone buzzed again, but the boy surprised Jess by keeping his attention on him and answering his question. "Yeah. They were pretty nice. They fostered a lot and they took every one of their foster kids to Disney while they stayed with them. They were really into Disney and they thought every kid should get to go at least once in their life. They had this whole cork board on the wall with pictures of each kid they had ever fostered posing with Mickey Mouse or one of the other Disney characters." Jeremy paused for a minute. "Yeah, I liked them. They were nice people. They were, like, professional foster parents, though. They didn't want to adopt."

"Huh. Is that common, in your experience? Did a lot of your foster parents just want to foster instead of adopting?"

Jeremy stared out the front windshield, his expression closed, his phone lying momentarily forgotten in the hand on his lap. Jess glanced at the boy and knew he had inadvertently triggered something. "Nope." Jeremy's voice was flat. "Most wanted to adopt. They just didn't want to adopt me. Why are you asking me all this? Are you have second thoughts about me, too?"

"What? No! Of course not, Jeremy." Jeremy's phone buzzed, the boy looked down at the screen, and Jess felt himself getting agitated in response. A small, annoyed part of him wanted to grab the phone out of Jeremy's hand and throw it in the back seat. Except that he might hit Winston. And would likely scare Jeremy by acting like a crazy person. He forced himself to take a deep breath. "I was just trying to learn more about your life before you came to live with me. I guess I was doing a pretty shitty job if that's the impression I gave you." Jess sighed. "I just want to know more about you, Jeremy. We've never really talked about what your life was like before I met you." There was another buzz, the second indication of a yet unanswered text. "What do you think about putting your phone away for a few minutes so we can have a real conversation without getting interrupted every thirty seconds?" Jess knew he hadn't been entirely successful at keeping the aggravation out of his voice about the phone when he glanced at the boy's face, and saw a flash of hurt there. Jess took another breath. Sometimes things felt so easy and natural with Jeremy, and sometimes they didn't. Jess had put off worrying about New York during the holiday weekend in Stars Hollow, but he was starting to feel his stress about the upcoming move resurfacing. Maybe this hadn't been the best time to try to initiate a heart to heart with his foster son.

Jeremy looked down at his phone and then back up at Jess. "Oh, ok, I'm sorry, Jess. Uh…..I didn't mean to be rude. I'm really sorry." He looked down at the screen again, clearly wanting to respond to Melissa, but unsure what to do in the face of Jess' request. "Is it ok if I just tell her I need to go? I don't want her to think I'm blowing her off."

Jess sighed again. "Nevermind, Jeremy. You can keep texting Melissa. We can talk later."

Jeremy didn't look convinced. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, it's fine." Jess glanced at the boy in the passenger seat, who still looked conflicted, not wanting to ignore Melissa, but not wanting to hurt Jess' feelings either. "It's ok, Jeremy. Really. Go ahead."

The boy smiled then, small but genuine. "Ok. Thanks, Jess." He ducked his head and started typing.

Jess watched the road in front of him, wondering if he was being a good parent by taking Jeremy's wants into consideration, or just a coward for letting the conversation drop, again. He resolved to try again over dinner one night that week. He would institute a no phones at the table rule if he needed to. But, not tonight. He needed to start seriously thinking about the move tonight. He needed to get his shit together and start making lists and budgets and figuring out what he could afford for rent in New York. He would wait to bring this up with Jeremy again when he was feeling a little less stressed about the other stuff in his life.

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It was one o'clock in the morning, and Jess was ready to call it a night, to shut down his computer and go to bed. He liked getting a solid night of sleep on Sunday to start the week off right, and he hadn't meant to stay up nearly as late as he had tonight. He had gotten sucked into his research and had spent the last few hours sitting at the dining room table staring at his laptop looking at apartments in New York that he couldn't afford, and researching neighborhoods, and schools. It had been a decade since Jess had lived in New York and it seemed that some of the neighborhoods he was familiar with had gotten better, safer, and much more expensive. He wondered what neighborhoods Chris and Matthew were looking at, and then realized with a twinge of sadness that it wasn't likely he would be able to afford a two-bedroom in the same area. They both made a lot more money than he did and had partners with second incomes. They had always made more than him as the owners of Truncheon, but the disparity hadn't mattered as much in Philly, where they had had the same humble start living together above the company for the first few years, and even after they had gotten their own places, Chris and Matthew had always lived in the city within a mile or two of Jess, just in nicer apartments. He thought about how things would change at work, too, about having to prove himself all over again to his new corporate employer. He would no longer be someone who had been there from the beginning, and who was looked at as almost as good as a partner. He felt stressed and exhausted at the idea.

Jess reached for another mini-peanut butter cup. He popped it into his mouth, anticipating the creamy, sugary sweetness, even as he felt a jolt of self-loathing at realizing how close he had come to finishing the entire bag. He had run to the grocery store before dinner while Jeremy did his homework, and he had felt the stress coming on even then, and had stocked up for what he had expected to be a bad night. He heard Jeremy's door creak open slowly, and heart beating fast, he quickly gathered up the empty wrappers and shoved them into the almost empty bag of peanut-butter cups, tucking the bag under his discarded hoodie on the chair next to him to conceal the evidence of his weakness. He listened to the bathroom door close, and after a few seconds, heard the toilet flush and the faucet run, and he felt ridiculous. He knew he should probably examine this knee-jerk reaction he had to hiding his vices. He realized it probably wasn't a healthy sign to feel such intense shame over privately soothing himself with sugar when he was stressed.

He heard the tapping of Winston's toenails on the wood floor in the hallway, having left Jeremy's bedroom in search of his boy, and then Jeremy talking to him softly after he came out of the bathroom, apologizing to the dog for waking him up. Then boy and dog both were peeking around the corner from the hallway into the kitchen. Jess smiled. Jeremy always seemed extra young to him when he had recently woken up, looking sleepy and cozy in the flannel pajama bottoms and long-sleeve thermal tee shirt that Jess had bought him when the weather had started getting cold.

"Hey guys. What are you two doing up?"

Winston approached first, nails clicking across the tiled kitchen floor, excited that his whole family was unexpectedly up at this hour. The dog came up to Jess' chair and Jess reached an arm down to rub his head. The dog's nose briefly strayed to the hoodie on the seat next to him and Jess redirected his attention before the dog sussed out his secret. Winston was really into peanut butter. So, was Jess. He was really grateful that Jeremy didn't really have an allergy. "Hey, boy. How's my good pup? Did Jeremy wake you up?"

Jeremy walked into the kitchen and stood near the table, arms crossed in front of his chest. "Yeah, I did. I was having trouble sleeping and I thought it might help if I got up for a bit and stopped trying so hard."

"Ah. Anything particular on your mind?"

Jeremy huffed out a breath. "Just everything, I guess."

Jess kept one hand on Winston's head, slowly petting, as he spoke. "Huh. Everything sounds like it could be pretty daunting. Can you give me any specifics?"

Jeremy seemed to notice the laptop then. "Am I interrupting you? I don't want to bother you if you're trying to work."

Jess reached up with the hand that wasn't petting Winston and closed his laptop. "You're not bothering me, Jeremy. I was just looking at apartments in New York. But, I was about to wrap up anyway. You're fine. Take a seat. You want me to make you some warm milk or something?"

Jeremy made a face as he pulled out a chair and sat down across from Jess. "That sounds gross. Does that really work to help you sleep? I thought that was just in old movies."

Jess laughed. "I don't know if it works. I have no idea why I even said that. It just seemed like the appropriate parental response to my kid not being able to sleep. What about tea? You want a cup of tea?"

Jeremy shook his head. "Thanks, but I'm good. I don't need anything. Can I just stay out here with you and talk to you for a little bit?"

"Absolutely. You can always do that, Jeremy." Jess leaned forward on the table slightly, stretching his shoulders a little like he was just getting comfortable, not wanting to look too eager. He heard Winston walk in a slow circle and lie down on the floor now that he was no longer getting petted. "So, what's on your mind?"

Jeremy shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm a little nervous about the move."

Jess nodded. "Ok. Can you tell me what about the move has you nervous?"

"I don't know. I mean, I know it's stupid because I've moved so many times in my life, and I should be used to it by now. And this time will be much easier because I'll have you and Winston, and usually I've just been moved on my own without knowing anyone at the new place…" "But, it's almost like this will be harder because things are so good here." Jeremy paused and studied the table in front of his hands. "It's like, school is school, but maybe because I'm a senior and everyone is a little older and more mature or something, but it hasn't been as hard to be the new kid as it usually is. Like, it's still lonely and I'm still an outsider, for sure, but no one's actively picking on me this time. And, then I met Melissa. And she's so great, and I've never really had a girl like me the way she does. And I'll only have known her for a month and a half by the time we move, and I don't know if she's going to even want to bother staying in touch with someone she's known for such a short time, even though it's a long time for me to know someone. And, it just seems like crappy timing. Like, I really like her and it sucks that I have to leave so soon after meeting her. But, then I think that it shouldn't matter so much because even if we stayed here, we would both be going away to different colleges and would probably lose touch anyway. And then I get stressed about college and paying for it and everything. I have decent grades and I've been looking around and applying for as many scholarships as I can find, especially those for kids who are in foster care, so I'm hoping something happens there. And I want to get a job when we get to New York. If that's ok with you. I want to start saving money for school. And then I get stressed about that because I didn't have any luck when I tried to find a job in Philly. But, if I can't save money and go to college, then I'll be in the same boat that I'm in now for the rest of my life, and maybe I'll never be able to get a job and take care of myself. And then I think about the statistics. That only 3% of kids who age out of foster care go on to graduate college and that half the kids who age out of foster care end up homeless or in prison. And, I don't know. It all just snowballs into one huge, indistinguishable ball of stress at that point." Jeremy sighed. "I'm sorry. That was a lot to dump on you."

Jess smiled softly at his foster son. "It's ok, Jeremy. You're my kid. I want to know these things. I want to know what you're worried about. I don't think of it as you dumping on me."

Jeremy smiled back. "Thanks. Really. My stress list would be so much longer, and everything would feel a million times worse, if I hadn't come to live with you. I want you to know that. How much I appreciate being here and how good you are to me."

"That's good to hear. But, if you're this stressed, I feel like I should be doing more. I should have thought about scholarships and stuff. I'm glad you're looking into that. As for college, Jeremy, you're going. There are no buts about that. I promise you. I will help you make that happen. You've worked too hard to not get to go. I have some money saved up, not much but it'll be enough to help get you started at a state school next year. And, I'll be making more money in New York, and I'll get a second job if I need to. Luke has offered to help, too. You going to college is important to him, too. Between all three of us, we will make this happen, I promise. You might have to take out some student loans, but I can help you with them after you graduate. I don't care if I'm living off ramen and paying off student loans until I'm eighty, my kid is going to college."

Jeremy smiled sadly. "Thanks, Jess. But, you do so much for me already. I don't want to take even more from you. I don't want you to have give anything up so that I can go to college."

"What are you talking about? Parents are supposed to give stuff up so that their kids can go to college. It's pretty much the number one rule of being a parent."

Jeremy was shaking his head. "It's not right. You do enough for me as it is. You're the first person who's loved me since I was five. That's everything."

"Jeremy, we will figure this out. You are going to college. I'm going to help you go. We're a team, Jeremy. You, me and Winston, right? We'll work on this together and this will happen. Luke might have to help, too, but you are going. We will figure this out. In the meantime, we should probably try to save as much money as we can, no drastic cutbacks or anything, just eating out less, buying less stuff, things like that. Ok?"

"Ok, Jess. Thanks."

"And I've seen those statistics, too, and they're scary, but keep in mind that they refer to kids who age out of the system on their own. You're not aging out. You're being adopted. I don't know what the stat is for adopted children graduating college, but I've gotta think it's a hell of a lot higher than 3%. You have support now and people to help you. In order for you to end up homeless, I would have to be homeless, too, otherwise I'd put my roof over your head. Luke would have to be homeless, too, or he would do the same. So would Liz and TJ, and Lorelai and Rory and April. You have so many people who care about you now and who would help you if you were homeless, or about to become homeless. The only way you could ever become homeless would be if something happened to all those people, too, and they no longer had the means to help you. And that's a lot of people, so it seems pretty unlikely, doesn't it? Much less than a 50/50 chance."

Jeremy smiled at that. "Yeah, I guess you're right. I know I have family now, but…...sometimes it's still hard not to worry about that stuff, about ending up broke and homeless and alone."

Jess nodded. "I can understand that. It can be hard to shake old habits." "I'm sorry that we have to move and that your life is about to be disrupted again. I'm sorry that I'll be taking you out of a school that you're comfortable in and that you'll have to leave Melissa. And, that you'll be losing your college benefits from DCFS, and that everything is so stressful for you right now." Jess watched Jeremy carefully as he spoke slowly. "Do you ever have second thoughts about coming with me, or the adoption?"

Jeremy shook his head. "No. Never. I want you to adopt me more than I want anything else. More than I've ever wanted anything else. The adoption is pretty much the only thing that isn't causing me stress right now."

"Good." Jess grinned. "Because I really want to be your dad."

The boy smiled back. "I really want you to be my dad."

Jess smirked. "That works out well. It would be awkward otherwise."

Jeremy huffed out a laugh. "I agree." The boy paused and looked down for a minute before making eye contact again. "I, uh…...I know that you're interested in knowing about my life before I came to live with you, and I appreciate that you are, that you want to know about my whole life, including my past, and that you don't just want to pretend that my life started when I got sent here."

Jess nodded, feeling a 'but' coming, worried he was about to be told that that part of Jeremy's life was none of his business.

"And I don't mean to cut you off from that, or anything. It's not like I don't want to tell you about my past. It's just. It's kind of hard for me to talk about it sometimes. Or even think about it. I'm sorry if I was being rude in the car. I didn't mean to blow you off when you were asking me about my old foster parents, but it's like, even thinking about the nice ones…...I don't know. It's hard to separate thinking about any of my prior placements, even the good ones, from the idea that I spent most of my childhood available for adoption, but not wanted by anyone. It hurts. That will always hurt." Jess listened to Jeremy's voice getting shakier as he spoke, feeling guilty for causing the boy pain.

"I'm sorry, Jeremy. I didn't mean to upset you. I just…" Jess trailed off, the real reasons not seeming good enough. I just wanted to know for myself. I was just curious. "I guess I just want to know everything about you because I care so much about you. And, in case there are things I should be doing to help you, or things I should be….aware of, I guess." His repeated attempts to engage Jeremy about his past felt selfish now, more for his own benefit than for Jeremy's.

"You don't need to be sorry." Jeremy's expression was serious. "I know you didn't want to hurt me. I get that you're curious. I would be, too. Especially this close to the adoption. It makes sense that you want to know what you're getting yourself into. It's your last chance to get all the facts before we finalize things."

"Jeremy, no." Jess was horrified at the idea that Jeremy could think the adoption might hinge on anything he told Jess about his past. "That has nothing to do with it. No matter what happened to you or what you've gone through-." "Listen to me, Jeremy. I'm adopting you in three weeks. You'll be my son for the rest of both our lives. There's nothing you could tell me about your life before now that would make me change my mind. That wasn't why I was asking. It wasn't some kind of test."

"I know. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just… How about I give you the big stuff now and then you don't ask me anymore? I'll probably end up telling you more stuff, more details, but when I want to. I don't want to be asked about it and caught off guard when I'm having a good day, like in the car today. Would that be ok?"

"Of course, Jeremy." Jess rushed to assure the boy. "Of course, that's ok. I'm sorry for bringing it up the way I did today. I won't ask you about it again, I promise. Just know that I'm here and that I'm willing to listen if you ever do want to talk about it, ok? And you don't have to tell me anything, not even the big stuff, if you don't want to. I understand."

"Thanks, Jess. I know I can talk to you and I appreciate that. Really. It's so much more than I've ever had."

Jess thought about Luke hugging Jeremy in the kitchen of the diner on Thanksgiving and telling him after Jeremy had left the room that Jeremy had started to talk about his parents, but it had been too much for him. He wanted to ask about that conversation, but he didn't want to look like he was throwing it in the boy's face. He said nothing, just did his best to look earnest as he nodded.

"My mom died when I was five. I know you know that from my report. My parents were fighting and my dad pushed her down the stairs. I don't think he meant to kill her. He went to prison for it." Jeremy paused, his hurt so obvious that Jess had opened his mouth to tell him that he didn't need to continue when the kid started speaking again. "I only got to visit him once before he killed himself."

"I was in ten different placements before I was sent to live with you. Some were good, some were less good, but none were really abusive. I've never been sexually abused. One foster mother slapped me across the face when I was eleven or twelve and she caught me stealing out of her wallet. A worker at one of the group homes I lived in when I was fifteen once dragged me down the hall by my hair. He was pretty rough in how he handled us a lot of the time, but that was the worst thing he ever did to me, because by then I didn't really act up much. Other than that, I have never really been physically abused."

"When I was young, I was always in foster homes. Most people were looking to adopt and were testing me out to be their kid. They were usually nice people, with decent houses and good jobs. But, it never worked out for me. I was the kind of kid that foster parents tolerated but never really loved. I didn't get a lot of hugs. I was so shy as a kid." Jess watched Jeremy pause and take a deep breath. He wondered if a good parent would stop this now. "I was so nervous and shy and scared of making a mistake, or making my foster parents mad or offending them in some way. Because I wanted them to like me and adopt me. I always felt frozen, I guess. I hardly ever spoke because I didn't want to say anything stupid and mess it up with them. I never initiated physical contact in case they didn't want me to touch them. I hid in my room to stay out of everyone's way so I wouldn't bother anyone and give them a reason to not want me. I was still never good enough. The reason they often gave my social worker was that I was too quiet and reserved. Or that I didn't seem like I really wanted to be a part of their family. Even though, I did. Every single time. More than anything. The more I got rejected, the more nervous I got about messing up and the quieter I got and the more I hid, and the more people thought I didn't like them or want to be a part of their family and the more I got rejected."

"I only stayed in two group homes, ever. I got sent to the first one when I was fourteen, and stayed for about a year until after I turned fifteen. It wasn't a good place to live. The staff wasn't always that nice. That's where the one guy dragged me down the hall. The other kids were the bigger problem, though. A group of them picked on me pretty bad. All the time. Shoved me around, stole my stuff, called me a lot of…...colorful names, I guess, to let me know they thought I was gay, and told me I was a loser. It was constant. I got arrested for shoplifting pretty soon after the bullying started. They had dared me to do it, and I thought maybe it would make them lay off me so I went along with it. I sucked at it and got caught, and got in serious trouble at the home. And they kept picking on me anyway. I eventually asked my social worker to be moved, but when it didn't happen fast enough, I ran away. I stayed gone for two nights. I spent the first night squished into an opening between the dumpster and the brick wall behind a Petco, and the second curled up behind a shed in someone's backyard."

"I cried the whole night behind the Petco and I was too scared to sleep. I spent the second night having fantasies that the people who lived in the house would come out and find me and adopt me. They had a basketball hoop in their driveway, and a kiddie pool and a really pretty flower garden and I thought they would be nice people. I had $26 saved up from my allowance when I ran away that I used to buy food. On the third day I called Ms. Garcia to come pick me up. She took me to an emergency placement and then found me a different group home. That's where I lived before I came here. This one was fine. The kids were all sixteen or seventeen and more concerned with getting their own stuff together to age out than with making my life miserable. I hadn't turned sixteen yet, but they let me in anyway. The workers were better there, too. I don't know if it matters or if it's just a coincidence, but this home was run by a woman and had a pretty equal mix of male and female workers even though it was a boys' home. Everything was better there, less volatile somehow, calmer. It still didn't feel like a real home. Not at all. I still felt lonely, like I didn't really fit, like I was on the outside, the same as I had in every placement, my whole life. I mostly kept to myself. I didn't really want to attract attention after what I went through in the last home. I didn't have any close relationships with anyone, kids or staff, but no one was a complete jerk to me either, so it was much better than the last place."

"None of the other guys there were interested in getting a placement with a family. Some of them were focused on working on their ILP's and becoming as independent as they could for when they aged out, and some were angrier and almost sabotaging themselves, but none of them wanted to give fostering another chance. It was almost embarrassing to have people know that I still wanted to find a family at my age. Some of them gave me shit about it when I was leaving to come here. Some were just genuinely curious that I was still seriously looking for a family. And, I didn't expect much when I got here. The idea that you would want to adopt me at seventeen when no one had at five, or six or seven, seemed ridiculous, but I felt like I had to keep trying as long as they would let me." Jeremy sniffed once, averting his eyes for a minute. "And I'm really glad I did because this is the best my life has been since my mom died. This is the first time since then that I haven't felt completely alone. I have a family, now, and a dog and someone who loves me, and I get hugged pretty much every day. And." Jeremy let out a shaky breath. "I really like getting hugged."

Jess had been so focused on listening to Jeremy talk that he hadn't noticed the moisture pooling in his own eyes until the story was done and he felt the dampness threatening to spill over. He blinked it back quickly and stood up. "C'mere, Jeremy." His voice was hoarse. He was already around the table by the time Jeremy stood up. He pulled the boy against his chest and wrapped his arms tightly around him. "I'm so sorry you had to grow up like that, Jeremy. I'm so sorry."

Jess felt Jeremy's two arms wrap around his back, the hurt boy in his arms feeling small and slight and vulnerable, triggering Jess' protective instincts more than anyone else ever had. "Thank you for telling me all that, Jeremy." He felt Jeremy lay the side of his face on his shoulder, and he turned his neck to kiss the back of the kid's head. "I love you, and I'm so glad you're mine now. It makes me so happy that you're my family, Jeremy."

"I love you, too." The boy choked out, his voice thick with emotion. Jeremy was laughing quietly at himself when he pulled back from the hug a moment later, his eyes red and wet. "I know you probably can't tell at the moment." Jeremy kept his voice light as he wiped at one eye with the back of his hand. "But, it makes me happy that you're my family, too."

Jess huffed out a soft laugh in appreciation of the boy's resilience.

Jeremy smiled as he grabbed a napkin off the table and wiped at his tears. "This is my happy face, I swear."

Jess cupped the back of the boys neck and kissed the side of his head, knowing he would spend the rest of his life loving and caring for his son to make up for the hand the boy had been dealt in childhood, and wondering if anything he could possibly do would ever be enough.

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Jess dragged himself out of bed on Monday morning, tired from the lack of sleep the night before, but feeling pleased that Jeremy had finally opened up to him. Their late night conversation felt like a gift that was well worth the price of enduring a day at the office on so little sleep. He had packed Jeremy's lunch the night before, so all he really had to do was quickly fry up some eggs for breakfast while Jeremy showered. They had eaten in companionable silence, both too tired to make much conversation, and then taken Winston out for a quick walk together before they had headed out to work and school. Jess felt a little guilty at how tired Jeremy had looked, and wondered if he had made a mistake the previous night and if he should have sent the kid back to bed.

When he arrived at the office Matthew was already there, looking perturbed and stressed. He greeted Jess briefly before retreating into the conference room by himself and closing the door. Jess knew that today was the day they had planned on announcing the move and mass layoff to the staff and Jess felt for Matthew and Chris, glad he wasn't in their shoes today. The day proceeded normally for the first couple of hours and Jess wondered when the announcement would be made. Chris came in late after taking his baby to a doctor's appointment and went directly into the conference room to meet with Matthew. Jess' desk had a clear view to the conference room window and he watched them speaking to each other, both wearing matching frowns. At one point Matthew wiped at his eye, as if he were tearing up. In the entire time that Jess had worked for them, they had only fired one person, and it hadn't been a tough decision because the guy had basically stopped coming to work. This had to be killing them.

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In the early afternoon, Chris had come by Jess' desk to catch up and ask about his holiday. Jess had filled him in on his time in Stars Hollow and listened to Chris recount his Thanksgiving at his in-laws'. Before Chris walked away, he had asked Jess if he could hang back to talk after everyone else had left. Jess had agreed, and was now sitting across from Chris and Matthew in the conference room digesting the unexpected news Chris had just delivered. Matthew was quietly sniffling and wouldn't look at Jess.

There was no job for him in New York. There was no job for him at Truncheon, period. After Jess had told Chris and Matthew that he was interested in relocating with Truncheon the previous week, they had officially submitted his information to Penguin Random House along with a detailed email as to which projects Jess had worked on and why he was their top choice of staff to bring along to New York. None of that had mattered after the company had done a background check and found no college degree or even high school diploma, only the GED Jess had gotten in his early twenties. The company was owned by two European conglomerates with non-negotiable hiring practices. The negative response to Matthew's email had resulted in multiple conference calls, with both the mergers and acquisitions lead that had originally made them the purchase offer as well as the director of human resources. Matthew and Chris had passionately pleaded for Jess' job, but the final answer had been a definitive no. They were told to pick another candidate who held a degree. Matthew had started tearing up as he relayed how hard they had fought for Jess, how sorry they were, how much they loved him, and how Truncheon wouldn't be the same without him.

Jess had listened wordlessly, as the shock had set in. He felt like his world was teetering precariously on its axis, and that if he made any sudden moves he might jar it and send it spiraling off into orbit. He felt physically nauseous, angry, panicked and terrified all at once. He focused on remembering how to breathe. What the fuck was he supposed to do now?


	14. Chapter 14 - Jobless in Philly

**Chapter 14 Notes:** Not much action in this one, mostly just coping with the fallout from the events of the last chapter and checking in to see where the boys' head are at. Thanks to everyone for all the thoughtful reviews on the last chapter. I'm always excited to hear from you guys and see what you're thinking. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Jess wasn't a drinker. Not a serious one, anyway. Not anymore. He had given it up in his mid-twenties when he had felt himself becoming too reliant on a drink to deal with stress or disappointment. Even back then, he didn't really drink to the point of getting drunk. He had always hated feeling out of control. But, he had liked to have a few drinks to soften the edges of a bad day, when he had needed a little help coping with his life, or when a painful memory had resurfaced and refused to leave him in peace. He had stopped drinking regularly when he had had an epiphany about the similarity of his coping mechanism to Liz's, and how she must have started out using substances the same way, for just a little bit of relief, before losing control and letting it develop into a real problem. He had stopped drinking liquor then, out of fear of following in Liz's footsteps.

He was still up for the occasional beer after work with Chris and Matthew, but that had become a rare event once they had both started families. He would still allow himself a glass or two of wine on a dinner date, at home or at a nice restaurant, but that had mostly stopped over six months ago when Charisse left. But, sitting at a bar like this, by himself, staring into his third Jack on the rocks of the evening in an attempt to cope with a major life upset, this wasn't who he was anymore. It certainly wasn't who he wanted to be. But, he wasn't sure how else to cope with a day like today. How to keep himself from drowning in the crushing waves of anxiety and shame that threatened to pull him under. Certainly a sugar binge wouldn't do the trick. He hadn't felt ready to go home and face Jeremy after leaving Truncheon. He had thought about taking a walk and calling Luke, but he wasn't ready to face his uncle yet, either. He knew Luke would offer support and be willing to help him however he could, but he wasn't ready to deal with what a disappointment he had turned out to be because he hadn't listened to his uncle back when he was a teenager, or again in his twenties, when the man had tried to convince him to finish school and go to college.

He thought back to his meeting with Chris and Matthew a couple of hours ago. How he had been in shock at first, unable to react as Chris apologized and Matthew cried. How Chris had tried to hand him a severance check in a white envelope and ended up setting it down on the table when Jess hadn't moved to take it. When he had finally been able to speak, his reaction had surprised him, feeling more like the kind of response to bad news that he would have had at eighteen, when anger and defensiveness had been his constant companions. He swore. He raised his voice. He told them that this was bullshit. That this wasn't right, not after everything he had done for this company, for them. Not after everything he had put up with during the early years, when he had worked like a dog to help keep Truncheon running. Through all the hard times, the weeks when they had been unable to pay him. For things to end up like this now, when he had a kid and needed this job the most, was fucked up. He knew his reaction had surprised them, too. They hadn't seen this side of him in a long time, and they had never seen it directed at them. Matthew had stopped sniffling and they were both staring at him wide-eyed. Jess had delivered his big finish then, sending the envelope flying off the table onto the floor with a angry flick of his wrist that had made Matthew flinch back in his chair, storming out with the most puerile of parting messages, fuck their severance package, and fuck them.

He regretted it now. Of course he did. He recognized how stupid he'd been before he had made it to the end of the block, but it had felt too late to turn back. And what would he have said to them if he had? He wasn't sure how to apologize for something like that. He rationally understood that this was out of Chris and Matthew's control. He got that. He knew they hadn't deserved the abuse he had hurled at them. He knew the way this situation had shaken out had upset them, too, caused them real pain. They had been good friends all these years, good to him professionally and personally. The best and longest friendships of his life. And now he had probably lost them along with his job. He had spontaneously ducked into this bar on the walk home, needing a moment to get himself together before going back to the apartment, and Jeremy. It had taken two drinks for him to realize that he had reacted with rage because if he hadn't, he would have broken down completely in frustration and shame, and ended up crying with Matthew. And he couldn't let himself do that, so the anger had kicked in out of self-preservation. Jess finished his drink and flagged the bartender down to close out his tab. It was time to go home.

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Jess wasn't drunk, but climbing the three flights of stairs to his apartment had made him realize that he wasn't entirely sober either. He hoped Jeremy wouldn't notice. He knew he needed to tell him about losing his job and he really didn't want to model using alcohol as a coping mechanism for Jeremy the way Liz had for him. He wasn't drunk, but things felt a little easier than they had before he had stepped into the bar. He could admit that the whiskey had had the intended mellowing effect.

Jess had barely gotten his key into the lock, when the apartment door was pulled away from him. Both boys greeted him at the threshold, one with his tail wagging happily and one with worried eyes.

"Hey guys." Jeremy stooped to give Winston some love, petting the dog's head and scratching behind his ears for a minute. He looked up at Jeremy. "I get the whole welcoming committee tonight, huh?" Jess stood up and faced his foster son. "You ok, Jeremy?"

The boy nodded, face serious. "Yeah. I'm fine. I was just worried about you. You're really late."

Jess sighed. He glanced at the clock in the kitchen. It was twenty minutes to nine, not really late, but he was usually home by six-thirty so he understood where Jeremy was coming from and felt like a jerk for worrying the kid.

Jess knew Jeremy had misinterpreted his sigh when he rushed to apologize. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It's not like you have to be accountable to me or anything. I mean, you're an adult. You can do whatever you want. I just-"

"Jeremy. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you. I should have texted you to say I was going to be late. It won't happen again, ok?"

Jeremy nodded, arms crossed protectively in front of his middle. "Yeah. Ok. Thanks."

Jess reached out a hand to pull Jeremy in for a lazy half-hug, dropping a kiss on his head. Jeremy was frowning as Jess released him. "Were you drinking?"

Jess laughed. "Yeah, Dad, you caught me. Busted for drinking and missing curfew!" Jess knew he needed to take this moment seriously. Worrying your kid while you went out drinking wasn't cool. He had been in Jeremy's shoes enough times during his childhood to know that. His brain was just having a little bit of trouble getting his mouth in line with its plans. "This really takes me back to high school and trying to sneak in late when I lived with Luke. But, he wasn't as vigilant as you are. He would usually try to wait up, but end up passed out on the couch instead." Jess laughed to himself at the memory. "The key was to always put a blanket over him before I went to bed. You can't stay that mad at a person who covers you with a blanket when you're sleeping, right? He'd wake up the next morning and his first thought would be about what a thoughtful kid I was." Jess chuckled.

Jeremy wasn't laughing. He was staring at Jess, with his mouth turned down in a frown at the corners.

"Jeremy. I'm sorry. Ok? Just please give me a break tonight. I've had a really shitty day."

Jeremy's expression shifted into concern. "What happened? Are you ok? Is Luke ok? And everybody else?"

"Yes. I'm ok. Luke is ok. Everybody's fine." Jess realized he was still standing between Jeremy and the door. "Let's go sit down. There's something I need to talk to you about."

"Ok." Jeremy walked over to the couch and sat down at one end, one leg pulled onto the seat cushion, the bottom of his foot tucked under his other knee at the edge of the couch, his body turned to face the middle of the couch. Jess mirrored his positioning at the other end so they were facing each other. Winston followed them and laid down on the floor near Jeremy's foot.

"So, uh, I got some really shitty news today. It came out of nowhere, and it sucks, but it's going to sound worse than it really is, ok?" Jess was pretty sure this was what parents were supposed to do, minimize life's upsets for their children, take all the stress on themselves and put on a 'no big deal' front for their offspring.

Jeremy fidgeted in place, his eyes on Jess, the fingers of his left hand laying across the back of the couch and nervously fiddling with the top edging of the couch cushion. "Jess, you're making me really nervous. Can you please just tell me what happened?"

"I'm getting to it. Just…..I just need you to know that what I'm about to tell you won't change anything. Ok? I still love you and I'm still adopting you in less than three weeks. Ok?"

Jeremy's expression was pained. "Jess, please."

"All right." It occurred to him that this situation might actually have a silver lining for Jeremy. "First, I'll start with the good news. We aren't moving to New York."

Jeremy sat up straighter, the side of his body pulling away from the back of the couch, his expression not pleased like Jess had expected. He had thought the boy's mind would have gone straight to Melissa when he said they weren't moving. "Are you serious? Why? What about your job?"

"Well…...there's no easy way to say this." Jess paused, trying to mentally fend off the resurfacing shame before he continued. "There isn't going to be a job for me at the new company."

Jeremy looked scared now. "What do you mean?"

"Chris and Matthew wanted to take me with them. I've been with those guys forever, and they're good people. They wanted me to have the job, but I uh, I didn't pass the background check at the new company."

Jeremy's brow was furrowed in confusion, and Jess wondered if the boy was imaging a crime in his past. "Because I don't have a degree. I can't work at the new company because they don't hire people that didn't go to college. They especially don't hire people who didn't go to college and didn't even finish high school." Jess didn't know why he added that. He had no idea if it was true or if they would have cared about him having a GED instead of a diploma if he had followed it up with a college degree. He felt like his brain was in the beginning stages of planning a pity-party and he tried to refocus. He wished he hadn't stopped at the bar. The alcohol in his bloodstream that had helped him cope in the immediate aftermath of his loss was now making this conversation feel harder and less controlled than he wanted it to. He wanted to be an adult about this. A parent. Someone who successfully shielded their child from stress, especially the adult stresses of money and making ends meet. "It's all going to be ok, Jeremy. All right? We still have each other. I have some money saved up." Jess smiled reassuringly. "I'll get another job in Philly. We're going to be ok."

Jess watched Jeremy force the frown from his face. "And, you'll still be able to adopt me if you don't have a job?"

"Yes, Jeremy. I'm still going to adopt you."

"I know you still _want_ to, but, I what I mean is, will they still _let_ you?"

Jess had no idea. "Absolutely! Of course, they will!" He figured lying to a kid you loved was ok when it was to protect them from freaking out, and if you were lying about an outcome that you were going to work your ass off to achieve. "This won't matter. Sometimes parents lose jobs. DCFS doesn't go in and remove kids every time a parent gets laid off, do they?"

Jeremy shook his head slowly.

"Of course, they don't. We'll stay together. I'll adopt you and we'll get through this as a family. Ok?"

Jeremy nodded. "I can give you back the money from DCFS that you've been giving me. I still have almost all of it. I barely spent any of it. I mostly just bought some treats and toys and stuff for Winston."

Jess sighed. "That's yours for school."

Jeremy was shaking his head quickly. "I want to help if you need money. I can start looking for a job, too. We're a team, right?"

"I don't want to talk about money right now. Ok? Tomorrow, I'll go over my budget and see where we stand and I'll start looking around for work. I don't want to think about any of that tonight. Not yet." Jess knew that even with three whiskeys on board, he would be lucky if he got any sleep tonight. He couldn't start spazzing about money right now. He mind wandered back to the severance check he had left on the floor at Truncheon, and he tried to push the thought out of his mind. He wasn't ready to face that particularly stupid decision yet.

"Ok." Jeremy started to scoot closer to Jess on the couch, then stopped, looking up at his foster father hesitantly. "Do you need a hug?"

Jess smiled warmly and tried to look as normal as possible, putting on his best 'everything is going to be ok' look. "Now, you're talking. I can't think of anything I need more."

Jeremy scooted the rest of the way over, until he was snuggled up next to Jess's side, and wrapped his arms around his foster father's middle, holding on tight. Jess sat back against the couch and put his feet up on the coffee table. He hugged the boy back, looping one arm around the kid's shoulders and squeezing him into his side. He thought about how complicated parenthood was. How having a child to take care of and provide for could be the biggest source of stress in a person's life and also the biggest source of comfort. Jess was glad Jeremy was such a tactile kid. He was starting to realize how much he liked being hugged, too.

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Jeremy lay in bed, unable to sleep for the second night in a row. And this time it felt worse. Scarier. His whole world felt even less stable than it had just a night before. He trusted Jess. He really did. He knew the man was being honest when he told him that he loved him and wanted to adopt him. But, he also knew that good intentions didn't always amount to much. He'd been in decent homes before where everything had changed when a parent had lost their job. He knew what losing a job meant. Stress. Hostility. Raised voices. Fights about money. Needing an outlet for anger and frustration. And, if the period of unemployment persisted long enough, the desire to preserve resources and pare down spending would often culminate in the removal of all superfluous mouths to feed. Jeremy had fallen into that category twice before himself, and had heard of the same thing happening to countless other foster kids he'd known over the years.

And sometimes the loss of a job, particularly when it was the male parent who had lost it, led to drinking. Jeremy hadn't liked seeing Jess how he'd been tonight. A little off, and smelling like alcohol. He knew his foster father hadn't actually been drunk. He knew the difference. And Jess certainly hadn't lashed out in anger, as Jeremy had seen parents do in prior placements when they had had too much to drink. Jess was an adult, of legal drinking age. He was allowed to have a few drinks after a bad day if he wanted to. But, it still gave Jeremy a feeling of foreboding. He had only seen Jess drink once, when the man had had a couple of beers at Thanksgiving. But that had been social. Luke and Lorelai and TJ had all been drinking, too. And, Jess was usually considerate about letting Jeremy know if he was going out, or if he was going to be late coming home. Tonight had been out of character for Jess and it left Jeremy with a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach, and the concern that maybe Jess's behavior would become something that Jeremy had less and less ability to predict.

Jeremy knew this kind of worrying wasn't going to lead him anywhere good, certainly not to sleep, so he tried to focus on what he could do to make things easier for Jess, instead. To take some of the burden off his foster father, so that the man's financial stress wouldn't need to lead to something bad happening. He was going to be eighteen in less than a month. He couldn't just sit around letting Jess take care of him financially anymore, anyway. It wasn't right. He needed to step up and help out, too. He needed to find a job and work as many hours as he could. He would go out looking after school tomorrow, and this time he wouldn't give up until he found something. He could save them money, too. The first thing he would do at school tomorrow would be to sign up for free lunches. He could get the free breakfast, too, if he could make it into school an extra half-hour early. And, he could do that no problem if he had to. That would at least save Jess some money on groceries since the only food he would need to provide for Jeremy on weekdays would be dinner. And Jeremy could eat whatever. They didn't need to experiment with vegetarian recipes together that called for lots of ingredients or spices that they would only use once or twice and never think about again. Jeremy could live off very little if he had to. He could look for deals at the grocery store and cook eggs for dinner or make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. He could make himself very inexpensive. There were rules about where foster children slept, but once the adoption was finalized, if Jess needed to downsize apartments, Jeremy didn't need a room of his own, he could make do with a couch if he needed to. There was nothing he wasn't willing to go without if it meant he was able to keep his family.

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Jess rolled over to his other side, again, desperate to turn off his mind and go to sleep. He knew it was futile, that he wouldn't sleep at all tonight. He had gotten out of bed around two to vomit in the bathroom. Then again at quarter to three. Each time he had knelt on the cold bathroom tile and heaved into the toilet as quietly as he could, hoping that Jeremy was sleeping and not listening to him wretch. He wasn't sure if it had been a reaction to the three whiskeys or the stress of losing his job or both, but whatever the trigger, he had felt ashamed by his weakness and hadn't wanted Jeremy to know he was throwing up.

He grabbed his phone off his nightstand and turned it on to see the time. Quarter past four. He should get up at first light and run or hit the gym. He knew that would be the best thing for him. He stomach was still tied up in knots with stress, but he knew everything would only get worse if he didn't exercise and give himself a physical outlet for his stress, and especially for his anger.

His embarrassing display with Chris and Matthew at Truncheon was currently playing over and over in his mind. He felt guilty and embarrassed, and just…..unsettled. He knew he would apologize. He knew he would mean the apology. But, he didn't know how it would go over, or whether his behavior had left an irrevocable scar on their relationship, changing how they felt about him in such a fundamental way that there wouldn't be a point in staying friends. He hated to think that at thirty-three, his inability to control his temper was still pushing away the people he cared about the most. As if he had made absolutely no progress as a person from the angry teenager he had been fifteen years ago.

He flipped onto his back and let himself cry. Silently. Feeling the tears slip out of the corners of his eyes and track down his temples and into his hairline. He felt a tickle as one tear ran into his ear and he didn't bother to wipe it away. He thought about everything he had lost in the past six months, or year maybe, since he had really lost Charisse long before she had walked out the door. He had lost her when he hadn't been able to commit to fostering and had failed to support her dream to start a family. And now his job. Maybe his career in publishing all together. Maybe Truncheon had been a fluke and no other publishing company would hire an editor without a degree. And possibly his only two real friends.

He looked at the pattern of those losses and forced himself to face his own culpability in each. He had lost Charisse because he was an idiot. She had been so much more than he deserved and he had lost her by being selfish and stubborn and unable to get onboard with the thing she had wanted most. And now that he had Jeremy and realized how amazing fostering a child could be, he felt even more ridiculous for how hard he had resisted when he had been with her.

And his job. God, he was an idiot there, too. When Jess was in his early twenties and already firmly ensconced in his job at Truncheon, Luke had had a cancer scare. It had ended up being nothing, but it had brought up a lot of fears for Luke of the things he had left undone. He had gotten it into his head that he hadn't done right by Jess all those years ago by not making him finish high school and go to college. He had nagged Jess for months about getting his diploma and then getting a college degree. Luke had offered to pay for everything, trying to convince Jess that he could just take one class at a time if he wanted. He could take classes online. He could study literature, if he wanted. Jess had dug in his heels, telling his uncle that college wasn't necessary for him. He already had a career. He didn't want to spend his free time studying for something that wouldn't make a difference in his life anyway. He had been such a smug little bastard. He had eventually gotten his GED to pacify Luke, but he had stopped there.

He thought about the different direction his life would be headed in today if he had listened to Luke all those years ago and started taking one class at a time online. He would have a degree by now. And he'd still have his job. His career. Then he thought about Chris and Matthew. The best and possibly only real friends he had ever had. And when they had been painted into a corner because he hadn't gone to college, when one of them was actually crying over the news they had to deliver, Jess had turned on them. Like an asshole. And now he might have lost them, too.

The only good thing to happen to Jess this year was Jeremy. And Winston. That little guy counted, too. And the only silver lining in what happened today was that Jess hadn't been a dick to Jeremy or taken out any of his anger on the boy. He wished he hadn't had to lose it with Chris and Matthew to have learned that lesson, but he could admit that if he was going to fly off the handle at someone about losing his job, it was better that it had been at them instead of his foster son. Ideally, he shouldn't have lost it on anyone, he realized that, but he also knew that he would have felt so much worse if he had come home and unleashed on Jeremy. He had spent a good part of his childhood as the verbal and physical punching bag for Liz's boyfriends and husbands, and sometimes Liz herself when she was drunk and angry, and he knew how much that sucked. Getting yelled at or hit was never fun, but it had been so much worse all those times when Jess hadn't done anything wrong other than just exist in close proximity to a pissed and disgruntled adult who was looking for an outlet for their anger. When one of Liz's boyfriends got fired, or had his car repossessed, or there was no beer in the fridge. When Liz got dumped by some loser guy that she had thought was the one. And Jess had needed to absorb their angry words and insults, their slaps and name-calling and abuse, so that they could feel somehow compensated for their loss.

Jess would never be that kind of parent. Ever. He would deal with this situation responsibly. Like a stable adult. He wouldn't repeat what had happened tonight, letting the boy see him tipsy and using alcohol as a crutch. That wasn't ok. Jess knew that. And he would never yell at Jeremy or take his anger out on him. Jeremy didn't deserve that, and Jess wouldn't do it. He had taken this night to wallow. But the bullshit needed to end here. There would be no more of this shit. No more yelling at people he cared about. No more drinking, or puking or crying. He would keep his shit together and be strong for his kid. He wouldn't lose Jeremy, too. He would start fresh in the morning. He would put on a brave face and make Jeremy breakfast and see him off to school with a reassuring smile and hug. He would go for a long run, and take a long shower. And, then he would start looking for a new job. He would keep moving forward. He still had Jeremy to take care of. Life would go on. Losing his job was a major upset, but it was over, technically already in the past. He needed to keep moving forward. He knew that parents didn't have the luxury of doing anything else.

The sky beyond his bedroom window was starting to lighten with the first hint of sunrise. Jess wiped the tears off his face. He knew what the first thing he had to do was. He turned onto his side and grabbed his phone, tapping out a short text to Chris and Matthew: I'm sorry. I'm an ass. I love you guys. Please forgive me.

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Jeremy hadn't intended to spy on Jess. He had had a hard time getting out of bed after a mostly sleepless night and had been running late. By the time he had showered and come out to the kitchen, the apartment was empty, meaning Jess had taken Winston out without him. He had looked out the living room window overlooking the street and spotted Jess and Winston on the sidewalk below. There were two other men with them, a tall black guy and a shorter white guy with glasses. Jeremy rarely saw Jess interact with the neighbors and he was intrigued.

Jeremy could see the profiles of all three men as they spoke on the sidewalk, the other two men facing Jess and Winston, who was wagging his tail and looking for some attention. The conversation looked serious from the expressions on their faces and Jeremy wondered what it could be about. Jess moved a hand up to cup the back of his own neck, much they way he always did to Jeremy when the boy was upset, and he wondered if Jess was trying to comfort himself. He looked embarrassed. He was nodding contritely as he listened to the tall black guy, his face cringing at whatever the man was saying. He saw Jess mouth something short, maybe two or three words. The other white guy was the first to break out in a smile. He closed the gap between him and Jess and pulled Jess into a hug. Jeremy watched fascinated as Jess dropped his forehead to the other man's shoulder for a brief second, and wiped a hand across his right eye as he pulled away. Jess spoke again, a wry smile on his face, and whatever he said prompted the other two guys to laugh. The tall black guy hugged Jess, too, but it seemed less intimate, a quick and generic embrace between two male friends who were hugging to cement a truce rather than for comfort.

As they separated, the tall black guy pulled something out of the inside chest pocket of his coat. Jeremy leaned forward to see what it was, but it just looked like a plain white envelope with no discernable clues to its contents. Jess looked at the envelope solemnly and mouthed two more words that Jeremy was pretty sure were 'thank you.' He took the envelope and put it into his own pocket. He wiped his eye again, the white guy spoke, and all three men laughed.

Jeremy didn't want to interrupt them, but he was going to be late for school if he didn't leave soon. He shouldered his backpack, grabbed a banana and hurried down the stairs. As he approached the group on the sidewalk with the intention of walking past unobtrusively and heading to school, Jess was talking to the tall black guy, both of them grinning, while the shorter white guy was crouched down playing with Winston. The dog saw Jeremy and ran up to him, drawing everyone's attention.

"Jeremy! Hey!" Jess called. "C'mere, I want you to meet these guys."

Jeremy turned to face his foster father.

"Jeremy, this is Chris." Jess indicated the tall black guy. "And, this is Matthew." The white guy stood back up. "Guys, this is my son, Jeremy."

Chris and Matthew were both looking at him with big smiles. Chris spoke first as he extended his hand for Jeremy to shake. "It's great to finally meet you, Jeremy. We've heard so much about you."

"You, too." Jeremy said. "It's nice to meet you, too."

Matthew shook his hand next, holding it longer than necessary afterward. "It's good to meet you, Jeremy. You should know that Jess talks about you all the time. We're so glad he found you. I hope you know how happy you make him." Jeremy didn't know what to say. The comment felt reminiscent of what April had told him when they were leaving Stars Hollow at the end of their first visit. He hadn't known how to respond then either.

Jess huffed out a laugh. "All right, Matty, give my kid back his hand. He needs it for school."

Matthew released Jeremy's hand and the boy waved an awkward, general goodbye before walking off down the sidewalk. He heard Jess's voice and then more laughter. But, Jeremy was already lost in his own head, focusing on the two sentences that he would treasure for a long time to come, savoring the feel and sound of each word in his mind, and the meaning behind them combined. 'This is my son, Jeremy.' 'I hope you know how happy you make him.'


	15. Chapter 15 - Working Through Shit

**Chapter 15 Notes:** Jess and Jeremy do some more dealing with stuff, and have some good moments and bad. I know that's not much of a summary, but there isn't much plot in this one. I likely won't post for a couple of weeks due to hosting visiting family, but there will be some actual plot developments coming up soon, probably in the next chapter. Thanks to everyone who has been leaving me feedback on this story. The fact that you guys are taking the time to acknowledge my little story with a review means so much to me. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jess couldn't stare at his laptop for another minute. After Jeremy had headed to school and Chris and Matthew had headed to the office, Jess had gone for a long run and taken a long shower, both of which had made him feel a little better, a little calmer. He also felt a measure of relief that he had made up with Chris and Matthew. It was one thing to lose his job, but another to act like a complete ass because of it. They had graciously accepted his apology this morning, and he was grateful for that.

He had spent the rest of the day on the laptop. First he had updated his budget, listing out all his expenses and comparing the total to what he had in savings. He figured he had enough saved up to make it two months without a job, maybe three if he was really careful. He had been disheartened to realize when he applied for his unemployment benefits that they would be less than the fifty percent of his salary that he had been expecting due to the payment cap. He had worked on ideas of how they could cut back on expenses until he found another job. He had laughed to himself and realized he might be going overboard, when he had included the $7.99 that he paid for Netflix. He could probably at least let the kid have some entertainment. He had been starting to feel a little lighter until he thought about Jeremy's upcoming birthday and then Christmas which would follow two weeks later, and he felt sick at the thought that he wouldn't have the money to make either of those events as special for his foster son as he wanted to. His kid's first birthday and Christmas with his forever family were going to suck. Jess knew that he couldn't let that happen, and that if things weren't looking better for him by then, he would go to Luke to make sure that Jeremy's birthday and Christmas would be happy memories for the boy. As much as he wanted to handle things on his own, he knew that it wouldn't be right for Jeremy to miss out on anything because of his own stubbornness or pride.

He had started putting together a resume. It struck him how lucky he had been in his career that he had never had the need to draft one before. He had seen enough of them over the years when Truncheon had hired new associates, but he pulled up some examples on the internet anyway to make sure he was doing it right. His resume seemed paltry in comparison to the examples he found, with no education section listed and his only recent or relevant employment being Truncheon. He knew Chris and Matthew would provide excellent references for any prospective employers who contacted them, but he wasn't convinced that his resume would get any employers interested enough to call. He tried to think positively, that his resume might make him look loyal and solid. He debated if he should add the diner to his resume before Truncheon, so that he could use Luke as a reference as well. They had different last names. No one would need to know that they were related. But he wasn't sure he even wanted Luke to know about what happened.

Jess was still on the fence about whether he should call Luke today and fill him in on losing his job. On one hand, he wanted to share his burden and let Luke be the parent for a few minutes, reassuring Jess that everything was going to be ok. That he was there if Jess needed him. That he loved Jess and was happy to help him any way he could. But, on the other hand, Jess wanted to handle this by himself. He wasn't a kid anymore. He was a grown man in his thirties with a child of his own. He wanted to be able to deal with this situation by himself and not feel like a kid running to his daddy with his problems. He liked the idea of seeing Luke at Christmas and casually mentioning the new company he worked for, and when Luke expressed surprise, he would explain his temporary job loss as if it hadn't been a hugely stressful ordeal at all. As if he were just another adult handling his shit on his own. He had originally become a foster parent because he had wanted to prove to himself that he was capable of doing something difficult and emotionally taxing. He was trying to view his job loss as just another part of his crucible

Jess had also researched publishing houses in Philadelphia. There were several other independent presses in the city. Some literary, some non-fiction, some that specialized in niche subjects or local authors, a few medical publishers and one that published cookbooks. Some weren't actual 'presses' at all and relied solely on the internet for distribution of product. A few of the more interesting sounding places were fledgling presses that were mostly staffed by volunteers until they got their feet under them. Jess couldn't afford to do that. He understood how tough it was to get a publishing company up and running, and he had given Truncheon considerable unpaid labor in its early days, but he couldn't do that now. Not with a kid to support. The few paid jobs that he saw advertised were entry level and paid shit, most offering little more than half of what he had made at Truncheon.

He thought about Chris and Matthew and how grateful he was that they had come by that morning to talk, and that they had given him a second chance to accept his severance check. He knew it had been one chance more than he deserved and he hoped he had sufficiently conveyed his appreciation to them. The check had been for a month's pay. He had opened the envelope as soon as he had brought Winston back inside, curious to see what the past thirteen years of his service had been worth. He had been relieved to see that the check wasn't for the normal two weeks of severance. He knew it was an ungrateful thought, but it would have felt like a slap in the face if he had received the same two-week severance that he knew the rest of the staff was getting.

Jess had briefly researched employment recruiters, but it didn't seem like any of them focused on his industry. He researched driving for Uber. It was enticing because he could be out earning money within a few days, but it didn't seem like he would make enough to justify losing his unemployment benefits. But, he wanted something now. He wanted to start making money again as soon as possible to quiet the frenetic ticking in the back of his head that had started the moment he had gotten the news about his job. It had waxed and waned throughout the day and the previous night, but it was there on some level all the time, a revved up energy reminding him of the pressure he was under. That he had no time to waste. That his life was dangling over a precipice and could easily plummet if he didn't make the right decisions. Jess sighed and ran his hands through his hair. At least he had stopped throwing up.

Jess felt ready to throw his laptop across the room if he had to look at it once second longer. He shut the computer and stood up, stretching his back and shoulders. "Hey, Winston. What do you say we get outta here for a while, huh, buddy?" The dog stood up from where he had been lying on the rug and headed over to Jess, wagging his tail at his voice.

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That evening found Jess and Jeremy chopping vegetables for veggie chili side by side at the kitchen counter. "So, Jeremy. I want to apologize for last night. I want to give you a sober apology this time." Jess mentally cringed as he remembered how bad he must have looked to Jeremy the night before. "I shouldn't have come home like that. Late and kind of tipsy. Not really in control. I know I worried you and I'm sorry for that."

Jeremy didn't look up from the pepper he was chopping. "It's ok, Jess. I get it."

Jess didn't like the sound of that. He kept his voice neutral. "You do, huh? What exactly do you get?"

"Uh, that you had a bad day…...like you said last night." Jeremy spoke slowly and hesitantly, as if wary of falling into a trap. "And that you needed a few drinks….to, I don't know, deal with it, I guess. I mean, you got some pretty tough news, so uh, yeah….I get it."

Jess set his knife down on the cutting board and turned to face his foster son, his expression stern. "Jeremy, my reaction to getting fired was stupid. I want you to know that. Alcohol never really helps anyone deal with anything. It only helps them escape from what's bothering them for a little while. You should know that, too."

Jeremy looked up at Jess and nodded. "Oh, uh, ok. Sorry." The boy looked nervous now and Jess felt a twinge of guilt as he took in Jeremy's expression. It didn't seem right to be practically reprimanding Jeremy when the bad behavior being discussed was his own.

Jess picked up his knife and turned toward the counter, back to the task in front of him. He gentled his voice as he sliced into a sweet potato. "You don't have anything to be sorry for, Jeremy. You didn't do anything wrong. I was the one who was out of line, not you. Look, I just don't want your takeaway from this situation to be that it's ok to go out and get drunk to cope with stress. It's not. It usually only makes things worse. Drinking is fine if you do it in moderation-" Jess cringed at how much he sounded like a public service announcement. He sighed and started again. "Liz drank a lot when I was growing up. And it didn't exactly make her a very good mother. I spent a lot of nights worried and not knowing where she was. I know how much that sucks. She would stumble home late and drunk and not always in the best mood, or sometimes with some guy who was also drunk, and almost always surprised that she had a kid…." "Anyway, my point is that I know how much drinking can fuck up a person's life. I don't want to set a bad example for you. I certainly don't want you to see drinking as a coping mechanism for hard times, because it really just makes them harder. Do you understand what I'm saying?"

"Yeah, I think so." Jeremy looked up at Jess briefly then back down at his chopping. "And, just so you know, I don't really drink. I mean, I've tried it a few times, but I didn't really like it that much." Jess watched Jeremy shrug his shoulders. "It made me feel kind of weird."

"Yeah? Well, I'm willing to bet you'll get over the weird feeling as you get older. And it's perfectly fine if you decide that you do like drinking, when you're in college and twenty-one and everything. There's nothing wrong with having a drink every now and then with friends. That's fine. Or again, will be fine once you're twenty-one. I just don't want you using alcohol as a crutch when something bad happens or when things aren't going your way. Ok?"

Jeremy nodded, his eyes on Jess. "Ok."

"When you're upset, it's much better to talk to someone you trust about your feelings instead of trying to drown them in alcohol." Jess was starting to feel like he was verging into PSA territory again, but he wanted to make sure he had really driven the point home. He thought about Liz's history with drugs and alcohol and his own history with anger, physically fighting and verbally lashing out at people. He wanted Jeremy to be better than both of them. "I want you to promise me that you'll do that. That you'll come talk to me if something's bothering you." He thought about Jeremy telling Luke about his parents in the diner kitchen on Thanksgiving. "Or, Luke. You can always talk to him if you want, too. He's a good listener." Jess smiled, trying to lighten the moment. "Almost as good as me."

"Ok, Jess." Jeremy nodded solemnly. "I will. I'll come talk to one of you. I promise."

"Good. Thank you." Jess silently worked on dicing an onion for a few minutes. "Thanks for listening to all that." He chuckled softly and grinned. "I'm sorry that you got a lecture when I was the one that messed up. It doesn't really seem fair."

"It's ok. I get that you're just worried and stuff."

"Yeah. I am. I pretty much always am. I'm starting to learn that being a parent means constantly being worried."

They were both silent for a moment. The only sound was that of knife blades methodically slicing through vegetables and tapping against cutting boards. "I think maybe that's just part of being in a family in general. Not necessarily a parent. I worry all the time, too, you know. I used to think that if I ever got a family, I would have less to worry about. But, now I think it's the opposite. I still worry about myself, but now I worry about you, too."

Jess sighed, feeling that a worried child implied some kind of failure on his part as a parent. He had worried about Liz pretty much constantly when he had been a kid. Because she had been a mess then and mostly incapable of worrying about herself. He had worried about her coming home at night, about her safety, about bills getting paid on time and utilities being turned off, and about her choice of men. Then he thought about how little he had had to worry for the two years when he had been Luke's responsibility instead. He had never worried about Luke. He had worried less about himself, too, because he had trusted Luke to take care of them both and keep everything together. Jess could only remember one time when he had been seriously worried about Luke, and that had been when Luke was driving home from visiting Jess in Philadelphia one January. Jess had been watching the news after Luke left and had seen that a sudden and unpredicted snowstorm had begun, causing dangerous driving conditions and several accidents on the highway Luke took to get home. Even then, the worry had been short-lived. Luke had sensibly pulled off the road in New York and called Jess from a motel room to tell him that he was ok and would finish the drive in the morning when the roads were clear. Even when Luke had thought he had cancer, he hadn't told Jess anything about it until after all the testing was done and nothing was found because he hadn't wanted Jess to worry. And Jess wanted to be a parent more like Luke than Liz.

He thought about reassuring the boy that he didn't need to worry about him, but he didn't want to discount the kid's feelings, especially after he had just made him promise to come to him when something was bothering him. "Oh, yeah? What do you worry about with me?"

Jeremy's eyes were on the work in front of him as he spoke. "Everything. Now that I have you as a parent, I worry about losing you. Like in an accident or you getting sick or something. I worry about something happening with the adoption. Not so much you changing your mind. I don't worry about that as much as I used to, but more about something going wrong, especially now, with-" the boy paused and Jess stole a glance at him, watching his cheeks flush with embarrassment.

"Now, that I've lost my job?"

"Yeah. Sorry. I-. I didn't mean to bring that up."

Jess nodded, taking in the boy's fearful expression, as if he thought he may have angered Jess by mentioning his unemployment. Jess decided to treat him like an adult and be honest with him. "It's ok, Jeremy. It's something that happened. It's ok for you to talk about it and be worried about it. Honestly, I'm a little worried, too. I know things will work out. That I'll find another job and we'll stay together and always be family. Nothing will ever change that. But I'm worried about the timing with the adoption and about money being tight for a while."

"And, uh, if money gets really tight…...I mean, you wouldn't ever, like, get rid-"

"No, Jeremy." Jess cut him off a little impatiently. "I'm not getting rid of you if money gets tight. That isn't going to happen so please get that out of your head." Jess felt a little sternness creep into his voice when he responded, feeling a little irritated as he wondered if Jeremy would ever really trust him to be there for him, wholly committed to him as a parent.

"Oh, uh, thanks, but that wasn't what I was going to ask. I was going to ask about Winston. We'll definitely keep him no matter what, right? I mean, you wouldn't give him back to the shelter because we can't afford him or anything, would you?" The underlying fear in the boy's voice cut through Jess.

"Jeremy look at me." Jess waited until Jeremy stilled his knife and made eye contact. "I'm not looking to downsize family members, ok? Not over money. Not you, and not Winston. And, I will never bring Winston back to the shelter. I promise you that." This was something Jess had thought about and he wanted to be honest about this, too. Having a dog could significantly limit the apartments they would be accepted in and Jess wasn't sure how desperate things would get and he didn't want to make promises he couldn't keep. "If things get so tight that we need to move to a cheaper apartment and we can't find one in our budget that takes dogs, we might have to send Winston to live with Luke and Lorelai. But, he won't go back to the shelter. He'd still be in our family and he would still be with people who would love him and spoil him. You have my word on that."

"Oh. Ok."

Jess smiled. "I would say we're making progress as a family since you didn't think I was going to get rid of _you_ over money problems, but now we seem to be back to you thinking I'm going to have your dog killed." Jess raised an eyebrow. "I'm really not sure what I do that gives off such a Cruella Deville vibe."

Jeremy laughed. "Sorry. It's nothing personal." Jeremy smirked a little. "Although, I guess it could be-."

"Stop yourself right there, little boy!" Jess's tone was one of playful annoyance and Jeremy giggled quietly. Jeremy had recently walked in on Jess at the bathroom mirror plucking the first gray hair of his life and being exaggeratedly dramatic about it once he realized he had an audience, blaming the gray hair on the stress of raising a teenager and a dog. "If you say I'm going gray on half my head, you're going to be grounded until you're twenty-five! And I'm not fooling around, here. I don't joke about my hair!" Jess was grinning by the end of the threat.

Jeremy laughed. "Seriously, Jess. It's not anything about you. Like I said, I just worry about stuff. All stuff, I guess." He shrugged. "All possible bad scenarios."

Jess looked at Jeremy's profile as the boy picked up another carrot and placed it on his cutting board, watching the corner of the boy's mouth twitch upward into a smile before Jeremy forced it back down into a neutral expression. Jess wondered if Jeremy was still laughing over the comparison to Cruella Deville. "Would we maybe go with him?"

"Huh?" Jess was lost. "Go with who? Where?"

"With Winston. To Luke's." Jess recognized Jeremy's failed attempt at making the question sound casual. He got the distinct impression that Jeremy had been thinking about this particular scenario for a while. "I mean, if things got tight enough with money and everything. Luke would probably let us stay above the diner, right?" Jess felt a slight pain at the question, or more accurately at the need he could see Jeremy felt to hide his enthusiasm about the idea.

Jess grinned. "Of course he would! Luke would love it if we moved into the apartment. He'd have almost his entire family back in Stars Hollow, just the way he likes it. He'd just need to hold out for April's career to tank like mine and Rory's so that he could have everyone he loves safely within a one mile radius of him." Jess laughed. "There's nothing he'd like more than that, and yes, we always have that as a backup option. But, I don't think we'll need it. I like to think that I'll be able to take care of us and get us back on track on my own." Jess paused. "You trust me to do that, right?"

"Oh, yeah. Of course, I do. I just thought it might be fun to live there, but I get it. And, I'm sure you'll get everything worked out. And, I want to help, too. Maybe we can take care of us on our own instead of just you doing it on your own. We're a team, right?"

Jess smiled warmly at his foster son. "That we are, my friend."

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"Jesus, Jeremy, you need a winter coat!" It came out wrong, part reprimand, part accusation, even though the only person Jess was really annoyed at was himself.

"What?" Jess could tell Jeremy was caught off guard and probably a little alarmed by his tone. "Oh, uh, this one is fine."

Jess watched his foster son force himself to uncross the arms that had previously been wrapped around his chest for warmth and straighten his neck that had been hunched against the cold as they took Winston on his evening walk. The weather had gotten colder after Thanksgiving, not nearly as bad as it would get, but it was definitely feeling like winter now. Jess wondered how long Jeremy had been this obviously cold and why he hadn't noticed before now.

"No, it's not, Jeremy. You look like you're freezing. We'll run out after school tomorrow and pick something up, ok? You can't go all winter with what you have on." Jeremy's jacket was gray, midweight canvas, something he had brought with him when he moved in and a perfectly good jacket for a crisp fall day, but lacking the warmth and insulation to get him through a winter in Philadelphia.

"Really, Jess. I'm fine. I don't need a new coat. Maybe just a scarf or something. I think I could be fine with a scarf. I can probably pick one up on my way home from school tomorrow. I pass by a Goodwill."

Jess felt himself getting irritated. He gave his foster son a hard look. He knew the boy was just trying to help, but all it seemed to do was make Jess feel worse and heighten the shame he felt over his inability to make his child feel safe and taken care of. The day after Jess lost his job, Jeremy had approached him after dinner wanting his signature on forms to get him signed up for the free lunch and breakfast program at school, talking about saving money on groceries. Jess had felt an intense and irrational spike of anger at the request, at Jeremy himself for the implication that Jess couldn't be trusted to feed his own kid, at the feeling that his joblessness was being thrown in his face. He had excused himself from the room for a moment, knowing he needed a minute to get himself under control before responding to his foster son. He had gone into his bedroom and taken deep breaths while he counted to ten in his head, trying to tamp down his anger and quell the instinct to lash out or snap at Jeremy. When that hadn't worked, he had counted to twenty, then thirty. He had thought back to the conversation they had had while cooking dinner earlier that night and how easy it had felt to remain calm then as they discussed their mutual worry compared to how difficult it had felt in the current moment. He knew his stress level would likely vacillate like this until things were resolved and he got a new job, with certain things being more triggering than others. He had returned to the living room a few minutes later to find Jeremy kneeling on the floor petting Winston, looking like a chastened child. He had looked up at Jess with sad eyes, and offered an apology, telling Jess that he was just trying to help save money and he hadn't meant to piss him off. Jess had told him it was ok, that he hadn't done anything wrong. That it was probably a good idea to save money on whatever they could at the moment since he didn't know how long it would take him to get another job. He had picked up the forms from the coffee table and read them through, realizing with a twinge of nausea that Jeremy would now qualify for this program even without his status as a foster child due to Jess's current income of zero. Jess signed his name on the indicated lines, handing them back to Jeremy with a thank you, telling the boy that if the food ended up being really gross, they would work something else out. That they weren't exactly destitute yet.

He didn't want to end up making Jeremy feel badly again. He took a deep breath. "Jeremy. You need a winter coat. We'll get you one tomorrow."

"Really, Jess, I'm-"

"Jeremy!" Jess raised his voice enough that a couple walking further down the block glanced back briefly at the sound. Jeremy looked stricken, then quickly looked down toward Winston who was sniffing undisturbed a few feet in front of them. Jess hated that he was letting the stress he was living with turn him back into the same volatile asshole he had worked so hard to stop being. He had thought he had been successful at shedding that undesirable aspect of his personality years ago, but apparently his assholeness had only been lying dormant when his life had been easy and good, waiting for adverse conditions to wake it from its slumber. He knew he could do better than this. He had to. "I'm sorry, Jeremy. I didn't mean to yell at you."

Jeremy shrugged, not making eye contact.

"Are you ok?" Jess was watching Jeremy closely now, but the kid still wouldn't look at him.

The boy nodded wordlessly, his expression pained.

Jess sighed, breathing deeply in the cold. "I was being a jerk, and I'm sorry. But, you don't have to go without a winter coat because I lost my job." Jess paused, collecting his thoughts. "If I offer you something, it means that I can afford to give it to you, ok? I have some money saved up, I got a severance package from Truncheon, and I'll start getting unemployment benefits soon. I can still afford to get you the things you need, like food and a warm coat for the winter. When you fight me on getting you something basic like a winter coat, it makes me feel awful, like you don't trust me to take care of you. And, I really need you to trust me right now, ok?" Jess was embarrassed to feel his voice going thin and needy on the last sentence. He knew that losing his job would be stressful, but he hadn't expected the constant feelings of shame and inadequacy. He wondered if he would feel this bad if it were just him, without an audience to his failure.

Jeremy nodded. "Ok. I'm sorry. I do trust you. I just don't want to cost you a lot right now. I was just trying to help. I've been out applying for jobs after school, and no one seems interested in hiring me. I just want to….contribute something, I guess, so that you don't have to be so stressed."

Jess sighed. Sometimes it felt like they took two steps back for every one step forward. He hated that Jeremy was still apologizing to him when he hadn't done anything wrong. He hated that he was still fucking things up and making things worse without meaning to. It had been three days since he lost his job and every day that passed without any kind of progress was making Jess feel more wound up. He had emailed resumes with specially tailored cover letters to every independent press in Philadelphia that dealt with fiction of any kind as well as the non-fiction publishing houses with open job postings. He would move on to the non-fiction publishing houses without posted job openings tomorrow. None of them felt promising, or right. He had this deep down sense of grief that he would never again in his life have a work experience that fit him as well as what he had had at Truncheon. Thoughts like that were what turned the low-grade mental stress that was always with him into a full blown frenetic pounding in his head. He wished he still had Charisse, someone he could rely on the way she had relied on him when her mother had been sick. He kept telling Jeremy that they were a team, but it wasn't true. Jeremy was still a kid. He wasn't supposed to be burdened with any of this. He certainly wasn't supposed to deal with Jess's short temper or neediness. This was on Jess alone.

They were paused in front of a tree while Winston sniffed. "I know you do. And I appreciate that. And you do contribute something, every day. Do you remember telling me the night we got back from Stars Hollow that you'd be even more stressed and that everything would feel a million times worse if you hadn't come to live with me?"

Jeremy looked up at Jess, his eyes wary, a small frown on his face. He nodded once.

"Well, that's how I feel, too. Being out of work sucks, but everything would feel a million times worse if I didn't have you."

Jess watched Jeremy's frown slowly turn into a small smile. He reached an arm out and cupped the back of Jeremy's head and started grinning. "Everytime I look at your cute little face, you're making a positive contribution to the state of my mental health."

Jeremy scrunched up his face a little, and Jess laughed. "Too over the top?"

Jeremy smiled back. "Maybe a little."

Jess shrugged, pulling his hand back and shoving it in his jacket pocket, small smile on his face. "Everyone's a critic. Doesn't make it any less true, though."

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Jess took Winston out by himself that night. Jeremy had started sniffling after their evening walk, and Jess had insisted that he and his insufficiently winterized wardrobe stay indoors. The walk at this time of night was a quick one, anyway, just long enough to give Winston time to relieve himself before bed. As Jess was idling in front of the building, waiting for Winston to pick his spot, he saw a woman who lived on the first floor rushing around the corner, dragging her little boy along with her, loudly berating him for not keeping up. Jess had only run into this woman a handful of times since she had moved into the building a couple of months ago, but everytime he did, it took him back to his own childhood. He watched her now, moving down the street, yelling at her son to hurry the fuck up, it was cold and she was freezing her goddamn ass off out here. He knew he had only seen very small snippets of their lives. He had run into her one evening when they had both been coming home. It couldn't have been later than eight o'clock. She had been too drunk to get her key to line up in the lock to open the security door, and Jess had unlocked the door with his own key, holding it open for her as she entered the building without even a thank you. He had seen the boy, a little guy of maybe five or six, Jess wasn't good at kids' ages, late one Sunday evening, struggling to put laundry into the machine in the basement by himself. And the few times he had seen them together, like this, it seemed like the kid was always getting bitched at for something that wasn't his fault. He had never seen this woman actually hit her child, or physically abuse him in any way. If he did he would call the police. But, the desperate and nasty energy he felt emanating from this woman, the way she always seemed a little unhinged and out of control was so reminiscent of the Liz that he remembered from his childhood, that his heart went out to this little boy.

It was ten o'clock on a school night. This kid had no business being out on the street in the cold at this time of night. He thought of Jeremy already in his sleep clothes and cuddled up on the couch with a cup of tea and a book, and he felt a swell of warmth in his chest, gratitude that even though he had been raised like this little boy, he had grown to become a parent who was capable of treating his own child with love and kindness. He wondered what kind of parent, or person, he would have become if he had gone straight from Liz to the adult world, without the two-year reprieve he'd been granted with Luke in Stars Hollow. He hoped this little guy had someone, an aunt or uncle or grandparent, that treated him better than what Jess was seeing now, that looked at him like he was special. The woman stopped yelling when she noticed Jess, giving him a tight smile as she kept manhandling the kid past him to the door of their building. Up close, Jess saw that the boy was not dressed for the elements at all, with his only outerwear a navy hoodie. He watched the boy shiver his way past him, heard the woman let out an angry "Tyler!" when the boy slowed them down by stumbling on the stoop, and was struck by another comparison, wondering if this was how he had looked to passersby earlier that evening when he had raised his voice at his own inadequately clothed son. He needed to do better. He would do better. Life was stressful right now, but this situation was a temporary setback. He couldn't let anything that was going on with money or his not having a job hurt his relationship with Jeremy. He wouldn't let himself turn into Liz.

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Later that night after Jeremy and Winston had gone to bed, Jess dug an old peacoat out of the back of the hall closet. It had been a Christmas gift from Luke years ago that he hadn't worn very much and had forgotten about. It wasn't really his style, but it was very warm and he thought Jeremy would look cute in it, all academic and dead poets society-ish. He laid the coat out on the couch along with an extra scarf that Charisse's mother had made him and his own warm gloves and knit hat. He would buy another hat and another pair of gloves, but if anyone was going without something around here, even just for a day or two, it was going to be him. He ripped a page off the notepad on the fridge and jotted a quick message, his hand hesitating at the end, then plunging forward, wanting to give Jeremy something too, before laying the note on top of the coat: Jeremy, See if this fits. Thank you for your contribution. Love, Dad.


	16. Chapter 16 - And the Hits Keep Coming

**Chapter 16 Notes:** Chapter 16 already? This might end up being my longest story yet. I still feel like I have quite a bit of story to tell before I wrap this one up. In this chapter, things get a little worse, but I promise they will get better soon. Thanks to everyone who is still reading and especially to those of you who have left me reviews. You guys make me very happy. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Jeremy sniffled in the cold as he walked to school on Friday in Jess's old coat and hat, feeling cozy and cared for, and thinking about the note Jess had left with it. After reading it, he had folded it carefully and tucked it into the shoe box in his closet where he kept his important stuff. Not that he had much in the way of treasures. The box housed the only picture he had of his mother, along with a handful of pictures of himself as a kid, some formal school pictures and some that foster parents had taken over the years and let him have. None of the pictures brought back particularly happy memories, but they were the only record he had of his childhood and he wanted to hold onto them. He had started keeping them when a foster mom who was sending him back had given him a picture she had taken of him at bat during a little league game, looking calm and focused, right before he had hit the first double of his life. He had been proud of that hit and he had wanted to keep the photo to show it to the family that eventually adopted him. He had been sure they would want to see it and that they would be proud of him, too. Later, when his forever family still hadn't materialized, he had started keeping the pictures for himself, as a kind of proof that he had existed, even if no one else had cared about that but him.

Jess hadn't acknowledged the note this morning. He'd just smiled and asked Jeremy if the coat fit all right and if he liked it as he had cooked eggs for their breakfast. Jeremy had thanked him, assuring him the coat was great. So were the hat and gloves and scarf. Jeremy had been tempted to say thanks, dad, as a joke, but he has wussed out at the last minute, unsure if he could pull it off. He had wanted to say it in a way that looked like he was being funny so that he could gage Jess's reaction to being called dad while he himself appeared indifferent to it. But, he was never good at hiding his emotions and he had been afraid that a lifetime of longing and neediness would be reflected openly and embarrassingly in his voice and on his face. In the end, he had gone with a thank you, Jess.

He thought now about how they referred to each other. How Jess had used the term 'dad' twice now in writing, to sign this note and also to describe himself as the 'luckiest dad ever' in the crude family portrait Jeremy had stuck to the fridge as kind of a joke. Jess had also told him that he wanted to be his dad, and he had introduced him to his friends as his son. But, Jeremy had never used anything other than Jess to address his foster father. He wasn't sure if he should since Jess had never told him to call him anything else. It felt like too big of a step, too presumptuous a move to make without being asked. Maybe Jess wanted to be Jeremy's dad, but was more comfortable being called Jess. Or maybe he was waiting for Jeremy to start calling him dad on his own. If that was the case, Jess might be waiting a long time. The idea felt scary to Jeremy, that he might be setting himself up for rejection. Jess had told him to call him Jess on his first night with him and maybe he was still good with that. Jeremy wasn't sure he wanted to risk making things awkward by bringing it up.

They also hadn't talked about whether he would take Jess's last name when he was adopted. He wanted to. But he had no idea what Jess thought about the idea. Jeremy Mariano. He rolled the name around in his head, trying it on for size. He liked the thought of the visible connection to Jess and also the idea of having a new name to go with his new family and new life. Jeremy Mariano could be a normal guy when he headed off to college, one with a real parent to call and visit, just like everybody else. Hi, I'm Jeremy Mariano, and this is my dad. He liked the sound of that. He knew it was probably greedy, but he wanted everything that went with being part of a family. He wanted the labels that announced who they were to each other so there was no confusion. He wanted to call Jess dad, and he wanted Jess to call him son, which he could only picture happening if Jess was in a corny mood. He wanted to share a last name. He wanted a lifetime of family memories that he could use to comfort himself like a soft blanket when life was hard or when he felt alone.

Jeremy knew he would likely follow Jess's lead on all of it. He didn't see himself calling his foster father dad unless he was invited to. The same went for changing his name. He knew he wasn't brave enough to ask for these things no matter how much he wanted them. Not when the cost of rejection felt so high. He told himself that words were just words. Whether he was able to call Jess dad or not was nowhere near as important as the fact that he had a dad. And he did. He had the note squirreled away in his closet to prove it. And soon he would have adoption papers, too. Hopefully. As long as Jess's unemployment didn't keep it from happening. Jeremy pulled a tissue out of his pocket and wiped at his runny nose. There was no use worrying about any of that now. He balled up the tissue and shoved it back in his pocket. He walked through the school gate and started scanning the huddled groups of students for Melissa.

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On Saturday afternoon, Jess was sitting at the dining room table with his laptop looking at job postings and trying to keep his internal stressing under control and hidden from Jeremy, who was sitting at a right angle to Jess, clicking sluggishly on his own laptop as he worked on a paper for school. The boy sniffled loudly. His cold seemed to be getting worse and Jess had been trying to keep an eye on it. He had whipped up a batch of his special cold-fighting kale, cucumber and garlic smoothies in his cheap replacement blender and two large glasses of the dark green concoction sat on the table, Jess's almost empty in his bid to resist whatever bug Jeremy was coming down with, and Jeremy's barely touched after the boy's initial reaction to the bitter tasting drink.

Jess had his eyes on his screen when he heard a sharp clink, followed by the contents of Jeremy's glass pouring onto his keyboard. "Shit!" Jess yelled as he reflexively jerked back from his computer. He quickly reached out to stand up Jeremy's glass with what little green liquid remained inside. He flipped his laptop upside down to minimize the damage and rushed over to the counter, pulling a handful of paper towels off the roll and blotting at his keyboard. He felt an uptick in his stress level and he focused on calming the frenetic pulsing in his brain. He looked up then and saw Jeremy frozen in a cower at the table, the textbook he had been reaching for in the center of the table still raised in his hand, his eyes wide with fear. Jess took a deep breath, knowing this could go one of two ways. He could handle this like Liz would have when he had been a kid, yell and rage, blame the kid, and take out his anger and frustration on Jeremy for what he knew had been an accident. And end up with a damaged laptop _and_ a damaged child. Or he could maintain perspective, accept what happened like an adult and not hurt his relationship with his kid.

Jeremy spoke first, his voice scared and shaky. "I'm sorry, Jess. I can't believe I just did that. I'm so sorry." Jess felt a measure of shame, knowing that his recent behavior likely had a lot to do with the boy's apprehension. He knew he had been quicker to anger since he had lost his job, occasionally snapping at Jeremy and not doing the best job of keeping his temper in check and being calm.

Jess took another deep breath as he got his thoughts in order. He loved Jeremy. This was an accident. Everything was going to be ok. He forced a smile onto his face and kept his voice playful and light as he continued to dab at the keyboard with the paper towels, drops of green liquid still slowly draining from the upended keyboard into the sink. "Oh, you've really done it now, kid!"

Jeremy was standing now, but still keeping his distance, hovering by the table. "I'm sorry, Jess. I'm so sorry." The boy sounded sorry, and a little nervous, but not as fearful as before. Jess thought about the position he was in as a parent and how his words and reactions had so much power over Jeremy's feelings and sense of self-worth. He thought about how Liz's words had held the power to tear him down and shape his childhood into something ugly. And, how he wanted to do so much better for Jeremy.

"Oh, man!" Jess could feel his grin turning genuine, his voice exaggerated nonsense. "You are in for it now, my friend. You do know what they say about spilled milk, right? That you shouldn't cry over it, but you should beat the snot out of whoever spilled it."

Jess heard the boy huff out a soft laugh, and he looked up from the keyboard to his foster son with a warm smile. "At least you knew I was kidding. That's something."

Jeremy gave Jess a very small and brief smile. The boy's hands were still shoved into the pockets of his hoodie, but his posture looked less hunched and fearful. He looked calmer now. "I am really sorry."

"I know you are, Jeremy. It's ok."

"I feel like an idiot."

"Don't. It was just an accident. These things happen. I'm not mad." Jess finished blotting at his keyboard and set the laptop down on the counter, wiping his hands on a dishtowel. "It should be fine once it dries, but if it's not, we'll deal with it. Everything will be ok, either way. All right?"

Jeremy nodded, not looking entirely convinced.

"Hey, the computer is just a thing. It can be replaced. No hard feelings, ok?"

When Jeremy's only response was to furrow his brow in worry, Jess walked over to his foster son and reached an arm out to cup the back of the boy's neck. "It's ok. Really." Jess smiled and moved his palm to the back of the boy's head, tipping it forward so he could land a kiss on the top of Jeremy's hair. Jess pulled back, leaving his hand on Jeremy's neck, squeezing gently. "Everything's fine, Jeremy. This is really not a big deal. I love you way too much to want you to be upset over something like this."

"I love you, too." Jeremy took a step toward Jess, eyes down, arms reaching out shyly, hands almost covered by the sleeves of his sweatshirt as he closed the gap between them. Jess felt Jeremy's arms snake around his back and squeeze him tightly. He liked the idea that Jeremy was comfortable enough with him now to initiate a hug when he needed one. Jess wrapped his arms around the boy and hugged him back. "My poor, sniffly, clumsy little boy."

Jess heard a laugh muffled against his shoulder and smiled to himself, waiting for Jeremy to pull out of the hug first. Some days were better than others. Some moments it was easy to be magnanimous. Patient, understanding and kind. To do everything right and make no mis-steps. Jess basked in the glow of his own successful parenting. He felt like super-dad. Like Heathcliff Huxtable and Eric Camden all rolled into one man with better hair. He felt proud of how capable he was. He felt like anything was possible, and that everything really was going to be ok. He knew he needed to savor moments like these, that they weren't the norm, and he should hold onto them for as long as possible when he was lucky enough to get one.

Jess felt Jeremy start to pull away and he reluctantly released his hold on the boy. "What do you say we take this little fur ball for a walk?" Jess gestured to where Winston was licking the drops of smoothie that had landed on the floor between Jess's chair and the sink. "I'm guessing he's going to be pretty gassy after that, so it's probably safer to be outdoors for a while."

Jeremy laughed and nodded. "Sure." They put on their coats, with Jess insisting on the whole hat, gloves, scarf combo for Jeremy since he was getting sick, and they took their dog for a walk. It wasn't until later that night after Jeremy had gone to bed and Jess was unable to get any response when he tried to boot up his laptop that he let himself feel frustrated about what had happened.

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By Monday morning, Jeremy's sniffles had become a full-blown flu. He woke up feeling miserable. His head hurt. He could barely breathe through his nose. And his whole body seemed to ache. He got out of bed and dragged himself into the kitchen. Jess took one look at him and his expression turned to concern. He told Jeremy to either go back to bed or lie down on the couch. He wasn't going anywhere today. School would just have to get along without him. Jeremy figured he should head back to bed, not wanting to be in Jess's way or get him sick, too, but before he had time to head to his room, Jess had beat him to it, grabbing his pillow and blanket from his bed and setting him up on the couch with a box of tissues and the television remote.

It was the best sick day Jeremy ever had. He spent the whole day lying on the couch watching television, which was nice, but the best part was that Jess spent it with him, sitting on the comfy chair next to the couch when Jeremy wanted to stretch out, or on the other end of the couch when Jeremy wanted to sit up. Jess had been using Jeremy's laptop since his had died over the weekend, or been killed, Jeremy figured that was more accurate, but Jess didn't go online all day on Monday. He gave Jeremy his undivided attention. They binge watched The Wire. Jess ran out for Gatorade and soup and kept Jeremy in a constant supply of both, along with hot tea and warm cinnamon toast. Jess took Jeremy's temperature and gave him tylenol and an ice pack for the back of his neck to help with his headache. At one point, when Jeremy's head had been particularly aching, Jess had perched on the arm of the couch behind him and massaged his temples. It had felt amazing. Jeremy had loved being the center of Jess's attention.

By Tuesday, Jeremy was feeling a little bit better. He was still sick, but he felt like he could survive a day at school if he had to. But he really didn't want to. He told himself he was probably still germy and contagious and should rightly quarantine himself for another day to keep from getting everyone else at school sick, too. He had played up his misery in front of Jess that morning, not outright lying, but looking tired and awful enough that Jess kept him home again. Tuesday felt like Monday on repeat, except that Jeremy didn't feel quite as miserable and could enjoy it even more.

The only significant difference between the two days came early on Tuesday evening when Jess's phone buzzed. Before he scooped it off the coffee table, Jeremy caught a glimpse at the caller. Luke. Jeremy tried not to be obvious as he watched Jess decline the call and darken the screen, holding the phone idly in one hand on the seat of the chair beside him. Jeremy knew Jess was avoiding Luke's calls. Luke usually texted Jeremy a few times a week, sometimes with pictures of Paul Anka or Leelee doing something particularly cute, or with a link to an article about baseball or woodworking that he thought Jeremy would find interesting, and sometimes just to chat and ask how school was going. But the other day his text had asked if Jess was super busy at work. That he couldn't seem to get ahold of him lately. Jeremy hadn't responded at all, not knowing how to answer that without lying. And he only had to think about the peanut allergy incident to be reminded how badly things turned out when he lied. He wanted to ask Jess about it, but he knew it wasn't really any of his business. And, he could understand Jess being embarrassed to tell Luke about losing his job. He could. But, he hated watching Jess shut Luke out, too, when he was sure that Luke would only want to help his nephew.

Jeremy refocused on the television, one hand reaching down off the couch to pet Winston. He heard Jess sigh and he looked back at his foster father.

"That was Luke."

"Oh, yeah?" Jeremy asked innocently.

"Yeah." Jess was giving him a 'cut the bullshit' look, and Jeremy felt himself blush. "I'm not avoiding him or anything. I just…." Jess sighed again. "I just want to wait to talk to him until I have some good news. I don't want to tell him that I lost my job without having something good to tell him, too. Luke worries. A lot. I don't want to dump this on him and make him worry even more."

Jeremy nodded. "I get it." Jeremy wasn't sure if Jess really wanted his opinion or if he had just felt the need to explain himself since he knew Jeremy had seen who the caller was. "I bet he'd want to know, though. So, he could be there for you."

"He probably would. But, I just kind of want to get through this on my own."

"But, maybe Luke could help." Jeremy averted his eyes, an uneasy feeling in his stomach. He hoped he wasn't overstepping. He really didn't want to offend Jess.

"Oh, yeah? How?" Jeremy could hear a little sarcasm in Jess's question, but he stood behind what he said and wanted to give his foster father an honest answer.

"I don't know, with connections or something. Maybe he knows someone who's hiring."

Jess barked out a laugh, not really amused, but not angry-sounding either. "You, me and April are the only connections Luke has outside of Stars Hollow. Trust me. So, unless I'm looking to get hooked up with a job at Al's Pancake World, I really doubt he could help me find work." Jess paused. "He would want to send us money. And I don't want that. I don't think we're that desperate." Jeremy could feel the 'yet' that Jess had left unsaid hanging in the air.

"Maybe just talking to him would help. Talking to you about stuff that stresses me out usually helps."

Jess sighed. "I'm glad to hear that."

"So." Jeremy prompted tentatively. "Maybe it would be the same for you."

Jess gave Jeremy a look he couldn't read. It could be Jess considering what Jeremy said or a warning to back off.

Jeremy made one last effort. "And, if you keep avoiding him, isn't he going to think something's wrong and worry anyway?"

Jess chuckled softly. "You make a good point. I'll call him back." Jess set the phone back down on the coffee table. "Later."

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Wednesday morning Jeremy walked into the kitchen looking better than he had in a few days. "Hey, look who looks alive!" Jess greeted him. "You look much better. How are you feeling?" Jess smiled broadly to mask the rising anxiety he felt at the idea of Jeremy returning to school and leaving him without a purpose to justify his escape from reality. The last two days had felt like a reprieve for Jess. He had focused on the task at hand, of caring for and bonding with his sick kid, and he had blocked everything else out. His world had narrowed to just his little family of three, his living room, and the 7/11 on the corner. He had taken refuge on the couch and allowed himself to get lost in the world of Omar Little and Stringer Bell and he had been able to put his real-life stress out of his mind for the longest stretch of time since he'd lost his job. But, now he'd need to face reality again. And deal with stuff. He hated that.

The boy smiled. "Much better. I can breathe through my nose and everything."

"Yeah?" Jess laid his palm across the boy's forehead. "You sure you're good? You still feel a little warm. You can stay home one more day if you're not feeling a hundred percent yet." Jess felt a flash of guilt as soon as the words were out of his mouth. What kind of asshole parent isn't happy to see their sick kid recovered and feeling better? What the hell was wrong with him? He had been Eric Camden just a few short days ago. How the hell had he turned into Eminem's mother?

Jeremy gave Jess a small, sad smile. "I would love to hang out with you and Winston again today, but I've got a Spanish quiz that I probably shouldn't miss." Jess felt a swell of bone-deep shame at his own pathetic transparency.

"Yeah, of course." Jess filled his voice with fake exuberance. "You don't want to miss that." Jess wondered how prepared the kid could possibly be for the quiz and felt like a bad parent for letting Jeremy spend the last two days frying his brain in front of the television instead of making any effort to keep up with his school work. The last two days had been the break that Jess had so desperately needed from his own reality, but they probably hadn't been the right thing for Jeremy. "I mean, quizzes, they're a good time, right?" Jess knew he needed to just stop talking.

Jess's phony cheer was met with sincerity from his foster son. "I really appreciate you taking care of me the last two days, Jess. I want you to know that."

"What? Hey, of course." Jess smiled genuinely now. "You're my kid. I'm your dad. It's in the job description."

Jess watched Jeremy's expression momentarily shift into one of careful study, and Jess wondered what he was thinking. The boy smiled softly. "No one's ever been that good to me when I've been sick before. Maybe my mom, back when I was too little to remember, but no one else since her. Even though I felt like crap, I had a really good couple of days with you. So, thanks."

Jess smiled warmly. "You don't have to thank me, Jeremy. I had a really good time with you, too. I always do." Jess's smile turned into a grin. "But, today, it's back to the coal mines for you."

"Yes, it is." "You and Winston aren't going to watch The Wire without me, are you?"

"I don't really feel comfortable speaking for Winston in this situation, but I, personally, wouldn't dream of it."

Jeremy grinned. "Cool." "Oh, hey, is it ok if I go over to Melissa's after school today? We haven't seen each other in a few days because I was sick and everything…."

"Yes, of course, you can go to Melissa's."

"Ok. Thanks. And, I'll text if I'm going to be later than ten, ok?"

"Sure. That works." "Or, hey, maybe just don't be later than ten!" Jess shrugged exaggeratedly. He knew ten was an early curfew for a senior, but it's what he was comfortable with for school nights. They lived in the city and Jess worried about all the things that could happen to Jeremy out on his own late at night.

Jeremy laughed. "Ok. I'll be back by ten, then."

"Glad we got that cleared up." Jess steered the boy toward the table with a hand on his shoulder. "Now sit down for breakfast." Jess plated the eggs and toast and carried them to the table. So, now he had all day and most of the night on his own to look forward to, some quality alone time to deal with his shit. Fan-fucking-tastic.

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Jess was having a tough morning. Jeremy had needed to take his laptop to school for some group meeting he had for a history project, and Jess felt at loose ends without his. He felt powerless. He should be searching for a job right now, and it was adding to his anxiety that he couldn't. He kept kicking around the idea of running out to buy a new computer, but the thought of spending a few hundred dollars in his current situation made him feel queasy and brought on so much stress that it left him immobilized.

He spent a couple of hours making an effort at being productive, trying to keep his worries over money and the adoption at bay by keeping his hands busy. He cleaned the apartment and reorganized his bedroom. He almost moved on to Jeremy's room, but then he thought about how much it had annoyed him whenever Luke had touched his stuff or gone through his things when he had been Jeremy's age, and he stopped himself. By eleven o'clock he felt like he would lose it if he stayed in the apartment for another minute. He needed to go for a run to clear his head and try to make his mind stop spinning with stress, or at least slow down the urgent pulsing in his head a bit. He felt like his life had developed its own unwelcome soundtrack, a frenetic backbeat, thrumming frantically at the edge of his consciousness, a constant reminder of how quickly time was rushing by with no resolution to his problems in sight.

Winston was waiting by the door looking eager when Jess emerged from his bedroom in his running pants and hoodie.

"Sorry, buddy." Jess spoke to Winston as he sat down on the couch to put on his sneakers. "You can't come with me right now." The old dog was a slow walker, never mind a runner.

The dog let out a soft whine and walked over to the couch, looking up at Jess with sad eyes.

"Daddy needs some alone time to think so he doesn't have a great big meltdown and completely lose his shit. You can understand that, can't you, little guy?" Jess finished tying his shoelaces and looked up, making eye contact with his distressed dog. Winston thrust his nose up toward Jess, pushing at his thigh, the dog's feet tapping an antsy beat against the strip of hardwood between the couch and the area rug. Winston let out a plaintive whine. Jess ran a hand over the dog's head, looking into his trusting eyes, feeling overcome by the urge to not disappoint someone who had faith in him. He sighed and petted Winston behind his ears. "All right, boy. You win. I suppose I can run _after_ we go for a walk."

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Walking with Winston wasn't the endorphin rush that Jess had wanted. They had been outside for about forty-five minutes and had probably only covered a little over a mile, going at Winston's slow pace and stopping to smell every tree and stare at every squirrel they came across. Being out in the fresh air was nice, but the walk hadn't done enough to distract Jess from his worries about Jeremy's adoption that was scheduled for next week. He knew he needed to call the social worker and tell her what happened and make sure he would still be allowed to go through with the adoption. He kept reassuring Jeremy that everything was going to be fine, but he really didn't know what the rules were regarding losing his job. He highly doubted that DCFS was ok with just handing out kids to unemployed adults with no meaning of caring for them financially. He wanted the chance to plead his case to Ms. Garcia before the court date. Jeremy would turn eighteen the week after the adoption and it's not like there was anyone else lining up for the chance to be his parent and love him for the rest of his life. He saw this as a special circumstance, and he hoped Ms. Garcia did as well.

In hindsight, he figured he should have waited to apply for his unemployment benefits. If he had put that off until after the adoption, maybe they could have squeaked by without anyone at DCFS knowing he had lost his job. He could have worked it out with Chris and Matthew to drag out his official termination until after the adoption so that his lack of employment wouldn't have registered on any last minute background checks. They could have kept him on payroll for a few more weeks in lieu of his severance check. They would have helped him if he had asked them. Instead of panicking and losing his shit on them. He still felt ashamed about how he had handled that. He needed to start making better decisions, being better in general. It wasn't just his own life he was responsible for anymore.

Jess felt his phone vibrate and pulled it out of his pocket to read the text. Luke wanted to know if he and Jeremy wanted to come to Stars Hollow the following Saturday for a family dinner to celebrate Jeremy's birthday and his adoption. Jess was still on the fence about how much of his current predicament he wanted to share with Luke, and he knew that he wouldn't be able to make it through a weekend in Stars Hollow without Luke asking about his job. Jess hadn't spoken to Luke on the phone since it happened, limiting their interaction to texting where he felt more comfortable about having the time to field questions without lying, or ignoring them altogether when he couldn't. But, he knew he couldn't keep this up forever. He missed talking to his uncle, and he felt guilty at the idea that Luke probably missed talking to him, too. And it's not like he would be able to afford anything special enough for Jeremy's birthday himself. And Jeremy really liked spending time in Stars Hollow. Jess made himself think through the decision for the rest of the walk, not responding until they were about to turn onto their street and head home, when he texted back that it sounded good to him. That he'd run it by Jeremy and get back to Luke.

Jess smelled it before he saw anything, his eyes still on his phone, finishing his text as he and Winston turned the corner. He heard a rush of activity, fast footsteps and sharp crackling. The wail of a siren in the distance, growing louder. He looked up to see one long red fire truck blocking his narrow street, and firefighters moving quickly, pulling the hose off the truck. Raising the ladder. Rushing toward the building. He caught a glimpse of the woman who lived on the first floor, standing across the street, wrapped in a black wool blanket and clutching her son to her, both their eyes wide with terror as they watched. He felt the panic before he even laid eyes on the flames that were engulfing an entire side of the building he lived in. Fucking hell.


	17. Chapter 17 - Down and Out

**Chapter 17 Notes** : Jess deals with the fallout from the fire. Spring150, your review made me laugh out loud! :) I don't watch that show, but I did hear about the fire scene. My thinking here was that I wanted the boys to end up homeless as efficiently as possible. I briefly considered a natural disaster, like a superstorm sandy, but I felt like it would take too much time away from the rest of the plot and having grown up in New England, it always felt like the northeast part of the country's most common mode of destruction in the winter months was house fires. Thanks for all your great comments and reviews on the last chapter. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

"C'mon, boy. I really need you to just get in the car now." Jess sighed. He picked up Winston and lifted the dog into the backseat of his Mazda and scooted onto the seat next to him, pulling the door closed behind him. Normally the dog would carefully climb in on his own, but right now he was reluctant to leave Jess's side. Jess understood. He felt rattled, too. He knew Winston was reading his energy and not finding anything safe or stable to cling onto. The dog pressed against Jess's side, pushing his long snout into Jess's face, sniffing. "It's ok, boy. It's going to be ok." Jess wrapped an arm around the dog, hugging him to his chest. Everything felt unreal and Jess wondered if he was in shock. Maybe he should have let that paramedic back at the fire take a look at him after all. It had seemed so ridiculous when the guy had suggested it. Jess hadn't been in the building, or anywhere near the fire. He had watched the building burn from across the street. He had watched flames climbing the four-story building like a living thing, crackling and buzzing like a swarm of angry bees as it engulfed the structure. He had watched firefighters break through windows, and tear through walls with axes as they chased the fire. It had all felt surreal. Like a scene from a movie, not something that should happen to someone like him on an otherwise normal Wednesday.

The fire had been put out. Jess's landlord, a man he had never met who lived somewhere in New England, had been notified. So had the property management company, who had sent a representative to the scene. Jess had learned that the fire department would need a couple of days to assess the damage. Then the insurance appraisers would need to get in. Jess was told he would be notified when, and if, the building was deemed safe for him to enter his apartment to retrieve any of his possessions. The firefighter who seemed to be in charge had offered to call the Red Cross for any of the tenants who needed an emergency motel voucher for the night. Jess had thought about taking him up on it until he was told that the motel the Red Cross partnered with didn't accept pets, so Winston would need to be left at a shelter for the night. Jess had declined, not just because of his promise to Jeremy, but because Winston was family and Jess wanted his family safe and with him. The firefighter had explained that someone had been cooking on the stove in the first floor apartment. It looked like a dish towel had ignited on the flame, starting a fast moving fire. The mother and son had fled the apartment without closing the apartment door behind them and the fire had progressed into the hallway and tore up the stairwell like it was a chimney, working its way inside the walls and into the other apartments. He had told Jess that it was a blessing that no one had been home at the time. That anyone trying to escape down the stairs likely would have ended up trapped in the stairwell with the fire. He had seen similar situations result in serious tragedy during his career.

Jess had started to feel wobbly after the firefighter walked away. He thought about how he had tried to convince Jeremy to stay home from school another day. And about how he had almost left Winston behind and gone for a run. He had felt sick at the thought of what could have happened. He had needed to sit down. He had thought about just sitting on the curb, but it was December and he and Winston had already been outside for too long at this point and he was cold. So cold. It wasn't lost on him how much colder the temperature felt now that he no longer had easy access to refuge from the elements. He had headed to his car, parked around the corner from his apartment.

Jess ran a hand down Winston's back, in what he hoped was a comforting gesture, though he couldn't say who he was trying to comfort more, the dog or himself. He needed to sit and assess the situation. There were things he had to take care of, and he didn't have a lot of time to waste. He needed to book a room for the night. And Jeremy would need clothes. Underwear and socks and a fresh shirt for school tomorrow, at the very least. And groceries. He should get a room with a mini-fridge, and a microwave if he could. He would need to get dog food, too. And dog bowls. And refills on Winston's heartworm medicine. And poop bags. And a bed for Winston to sleep in. Jess would need clothes for himself, too. And toiletries. Shit, how could he have forgotten toiletries. And laundry detergent. And something to sleep in. As his mental list grew, his head started spinning at everything he needed to do and how much it would all cost. He felt overwhelmed and light-headed. His mind was racing. He needed to get this list down in his phone and attack this in a systematic way. As he reached into his pocket for his phone, he took inventory of the possessions he had left. He had had his phone and wallet on him. That was something. And Jeremy had his laptop with him at school. Jess was grateful for that, now. He looked down at his outfit, wishing he had changed into a pair of good jeans before he had walked the dog as he realized that the only pants he now owned were a pair of ratty old sweats, not even his good running pants, but his pair of last resort.

Jess held his phone in his hand and dropped his head back onto the headrest, staring up at the dirty gray interior of his car's roof. He let himself cry quietly for a few minutes, knowing he would explode from frustration if he didn't let some of it out, and he didn't want to freak Winston out by screaming. He thought about everything he lost. His clothes, which weren't expensive, but had been carefully cultivated over the years to form a wardrobe that made him feel good about how he looked and comfortable with himself. The huge collection of books that had lined one wall of his living room. He likely wouldn't have read most of them again, but he had been collecting them since he was a teenager and he had better memories stored on that bookshelf that he had had with most people he had known in his life, especially his early life. He thought about the things that would be hard to replace because they had cost real money. The furniture. The big screen TV that he had saved up to buy a few years ago. All the good quality pots and pans that Luke had bought him for Christmas the year he had moved in with Charisse. And about the things that could never be replaced. The box of cards and notes and pictures he had accumulated, memories of the few people who had mattered to him over the course of his life. The watch Luke had given him for his twenty-first birthday that had belonged to his grandfather. The family picture that Jeremy had drawn that had still been hanging on the fridge. Jess knew the boy had done it as a kind of joke, that he could likely draw much better than the crude stick figures, but it had been part of their story of coming together as a family, and Jess had intended to keep it as a memento of their early days together.

Jess's mind went to Jeremy then, and everything the boy had lost. Jess remembered feeling so sorry for the kid when he had walked into his life with nothing but a half-full garbage bag of possessions. And, now the boy didn't even have that much. Jess felt sick at all Jeremy had lost, and at the idea of telling him about the fire. He had to think that this would put the kibosh on his chances of adopting Jeremy. He had no job. No home. No way to rent an apartment without a job to list on his rental application, and no way to get a job without an address to put on his job application. He was supposed to adopt Jeremy next Tuesday. The boy would turn eighteen the following Monday. At that point, Jeremy would be free to do what he wanted and no one could keep him from staying with Jess. Jess got that. But, he had this deep-down feeling that it wouldn't be the same. He would be letting Jeremy down by not delivering on what he had promised. He knew how much Jeremy had wanted to be adopted and he wanted so much to be able to do that for him. Several more tears leaked out of his eyes and streamed down his face.

Jess wiped his eyes and cheeks with the sleeves of his hoodie. He needed to get started on getting his life back together. He lifted his phone to start searching yelp for cheap motels, but without being conscious of making the decision, he found himself calling Luke instead.

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"Jess!" Jess felt a wave of guilt at how pleased and surprised Luke sounded to hear from him. "I'm glad you called. How're you doing, nephew?"

Jess had been sure he was finished crying. He would have waited to call otherwise. But, the sound of his uncle's voice welcoming his call coupled with the gratitude he felt at knowing that he had someone to lean on set him off again. He took a moment, not wanting to embarrass himself.

"Jess? Are you there?" Jess could hear the concern in Luke's voice and that got to him, too. Even though he had lost so much, he still had family to be thankful for. Someone who loved him and would do anything to help him. He thought about how different his life would be right now if he had never gotten to know Luke. He wondered about that alternate universe version of himself, and whether a crisis like this would have been too much for him to come back from on his own, pushing him solidly into homelessness. He sniffled, getting himself under control. "Are you ok, Jess?"

"Uh, yeah." Jess cleared his throat. He needed to get his shit together and act like a grown up. "I'm ok. I'm not great, but I'm ok. I uh…...I need to talk to you. Is now a good time?"

"Yeah, of course. Gimme one sec." Jess heard Luke call out to Cesar. And a moment later his uncle was back on the line. "Ok. I'm upstairs now. What's going on? Are you ok? Is Jeremy ok? Did something happen with the adoption? Oh, god, is it Winston? Did something happen to Winston? Did you have to put him down?"

"No. It's nothing like that." Jess pushed down the nauseous feeling he got at the thought of how close he had come to having something happen to Jeremy or Winston and kept going. "We're all fine. But, uh." Jess took a deep breath. "I really need you to not say I told you so right now, ok?"

"What are you talking about?" Jess could hear Luke's confusion. "Why would I say that? When have I ever said that to you about anything?"

Jess considered that. "I don't know. Maybe you haven't. But, this is big. I, uh, I lost my job last week."

"What? Jess, what happened? You loved that job! Chris and Matthew seriously fired you? After everything you've done for those guys?"

"They did. They didn't want to, but they did. Uh, when they put me up as a candidate for the position in New York, the company that bought Truncheon ran a background check on me and found out I didn't go to college, and they don't hire anyone without a college degree. They told Chris and Matthew to pick someone else to bring. So, they did. It wasn't their fault. They didn't have any other option."

"Oh, Jess. I'm so sorry to hear that." The genuine sadness in Luke's voice was palpable and Jess felt bad for even thinking that Luke would hold his obstinate refusal to get a degree against him in his current situation. It would have been kicking him while he was down, and that wasn't Luke's style. "So, what happens now? Are you staying in Philly? Are you doing ok for money? Do you guys need anything?"

Jess was feeling overwhelmed. He knew his uncle's concern was real, but he sometimes wished Luke didn't need to express that concern through stacked questions. He skipped over the money questions for now, knowing he was going to ask for something even bigger in a few minutes. "That was the plan. To stay in Philly and look for another job."

"I got to say, I was looking forward to having you guys a couple hours closer in New York."

"Well, today might be your lucky day, then."

"What are you talking about?"

"We might be moving even closer to you than New York."

"What? Have you already found another job?" Jess listened to Luke thinking things over. "Are you going to be in Hartford?" It was a logical guess of somewhere closer to Stars Hollow than New York, but still a big enough city that Jess could possibly have found a job, but the badly concealed excitement in Luke's voice tugged at Jess's heart, reminding him of Jeremy asking if they would follow Winston to Stars Hollow if they had to downsize apartments.

Jess felt an expanding sense of warmth in his chest, despite sitting in the backseat of a very cold car. He could feel a small smile spreading across his face. He felt like he was coming back to himself, putting distance between his real self and the tense, stressed out version that he had been since the day he lost his job. "You're warm!"

"Ummm….."

"But, we'll be even closer than Hartford."

Luke chuckled. "Jess, are you moving back home?"

Jess loved that Luke referred to the place he had only lived for two years as home. It would be as long as Luke lived there, and he liked that Luke got that. He wondered if Jeremy would ever feel the same about him. Or if he did already.

"Ding! Ding! Ding! We have a winner!" In the midst of his crumbling life, Jess was still having a good moment. "I mean, if that's ok, that is."

Luke laughed. "Jess! Don't be ridiculous. Of course it's ok! It's more than ok! You guys are always welcome here. You know that. But, what brought this on? Did you get a job in this area?"

"Nope. I have no job. I have no prospects for a job. I have no college degree. And as of an hour ago, you can throw homeless on my resume as well."

Luke's voice was serious. "Homeless? Jess, what are you talking about? What happened to your apartment?"

"My apartment is no more. Winston and I just watched it burn down." It felt freeing to say all this stuff out loud. It felt good to be flippant about the worst situation he had ever found himself in in his entire adult life, as if every sarcastic comment was chipping away at the power that his current circumstances held over him.

"Oh, my god! Are you serious? Are you all right, Jess? What the hell happened?"

Jess filled Luke in on everything from the Liz clone downstairs who had started the fire and how close he had come to leaving Winston behind to watching the building burn and the firefighters telling them he'd be notified if he was allowed to reenter the building to get any of his things, but that most likely everything was going to be too damaged to save. He left out the part about trying to convince Jeremy to spend another day home on the couch with him. It felt too pathetic, too close to depression, to admit. And he wasn't sure he could face what could have happened to Jeremy without melting down.

"And, can I assume that you don't have renters insurance?" Luke asked gently, tentatively. Jess could tell from the sound of his voice that he was trying to ask the question without sending Jess over the edge.

"Why, yes you can, Luke. We had a policy that Charisse set up. I got a notice that it needed to be renewed a few months ago. But, being the pragmatic genius that I am, I opted to save the $114 a year we had been spending on it."

"Oh, Jess…"

"I'm so glad I have that extra $114 cushion now, let me tell you!" Jess feigned hardy enthusiasm.

"I'm really sorry to hear all this, Jess. You've had one hell of a go of it lately." They were both silent for a moment, reflecting on the state of Jess's life. "So, what's the plan now? Jeremy must have a few more weeks of school to finish out the semester, right?"

"Yep. He has the rest of this week and then a week and a half more. I figure we have to stay in town through that so he can take his finals and stuff. After I get off the phone, I'm going to start looking for cheap motels that allow dogs. I'm thinking we'll live the motel life until he's done with school, then head out to Stars Hollow after that. We can wait to celebrate his birthday and stuff then so we don't have to make the drive twice in one week." Jess purposely glossed over the adoption, not wanting Luke to ask about how his current situation would impact it. He was feeling pretty good and he didn't want to let his mind or the conversation go there. "And if you're really ok with us staying long term, I'm thinking Jeremy can take his final semester at your alma mater and mine, good ol' Stars Hollow High."

"Of course I'm ok with you guys staying long term! You can stay for as long as you want. I love having you guys here."

"You're sure, right?" Jess thought about how this would be the most time he had spent around Rory and Lorelai in over a decade, and even though things seemed to be going smoothly between them all at the moment, he didn't want to cause any problems for Luke with his presence.

Jess listened to Luke sigh. "Of course I'm sure, Jess. If you ask me that one more time, I'm only going to let Jeremy and Winston stay here and you're going to have to find a nice park bench to sleep on. Got it, my friend?"

"Ok, ok. I just want to make sure it's not going to cause any…...issues or anything for you."

"What issues? What are you talking about? Just avoid the vandalism and petty theft this time and we'll be fine." Luke laughed. "I'm not sure I can keep Taylor from running you out of town a second time."

"I'll do my best." He wasn't sure if Luke was playing dumb in not recognizing possible tensions between Jess and the Gilmores, or if he was just being Luke and assuming that everyone he loved would be able to get along and love each other.

"What does Jeremy think about moving out here? Is he upset about switching schools and leaving Melissa?"

"I haven't talked to him about it yet. He's still at school." Jess pulled the phone away from his ear and glanced at the time. "Or, he's at Melissa's now. He was going over there after school. But, he suggested moving to Stars Hollow last week as an option after I lost my job. He was pretty adorable about it, too. He tried to act all nonchalant like he was just throwing ideas out there, but I could tell he really wanted to do it. He likes you a lot. And for some reason I don't understand, he seems to like the rest of your family and your ridiculous little town, too."

"Huh. Really?" Jess heard how pleased with himself Luke was and it made him smile.

"I know. It's odd. I'm thinking of taking him to a doctor and having him tested for crazy."

Luke chuckled. "And he's ok with leaving Melissa?"

"He seems to be. He was ok with it to go to New York. He really likes her and when we talked about New York, he definitely seemed sad to be leaving her, but I think it's more important to him to be part of a family than to have a girlfriend. He was pretty mature about it actually. He pointed out that they would both be leaving for college in a few months. And how likely is it that he'd keep in touch with his high school girlfriend past that point anyway, right?"

"I don't know." Luke said, his voice teasing. "You still talk to your high school girlfriend."

"Only because you make me. And I don't have any plans to marry Melissa's mother, so that route really wasn't an option for him."

"I'm glad he's onboard with moving here. I really don't want a repeat of when you first moved to town." Luke laughed. "Although, it would definitely be fun to watch him give you all the same attitude that you gave me." "That would be pretty great."

Jess listened to his uncle laughing, not minding that it was at his expense. He felt invigorated from this conversation, less hopeless and alone. "Sorry to disappoint. I guess I'm just better at choosing my kids than you are."

"I don't know about that. I don't think I did too badly in the long run."

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Jess got off the call feeling better about everything other than the adoption. That still weighed on him. He hadn't felt up to dealing with it today, but he had set himself the deadline of calling the social worker by the end of the day tomorrow. He spent the rest of the day working on the things he could control. He texted Jeremy telling him to send him Melissa's address and let him know when he was ready to leave, no rush, but Jess was going to pick him up tonight. Jeremy had obediently texted back with an ok and the address, without questioning him. Jess was grateful for what an easy kid Jeremy was. He wanted to break the news in person, but he wasn't sure how he would have responded if Jeremy had texted back asking why he was getting picked up. Jess booked a room in a dog-friendly motel through the rest of the week. He checked in and dropped Winton off, leaving one of the coffee mugs provided in the room filled with water on the floor in lieu of a bowl. Then he headed to the Goodwill for a few very cheap and not too terrible long sleeve shirts and hoodies for himself and Jeremy. He also got himself a pair of jeans that were both cheap and terrible, but the best he could find. He told himself that now wasn't the time to be fussy. He wasn't picking out a new wardrobe. He just needed a few things to get him through the next few days. He couldn't find a halfway decent jacket for himself, but he figured he could just layer a couple of hoodies. Next he stopped at Target and stocked up on underwear, socks and tee-shirts for both of them, along with toiletries, laundry detergent, and sleep pants.

He felt momentarily overwhelmed at Target, the huge selection and sheer amount of product driving home the point that he had lost every single thing he owned. And how expensive it would be to rebuild his life. He tried to keep on task and not let the panic drag him under. He picked up dog food and supplies. He wouldn't make it to the vet today, but he checked the reminder on his phone and Winston wasn't due his heartworm pill for another two weeks anyway. He swung by the grocery store and loaded up on whatever was reasonably healthy, didn't require anything more than a microwave and could fit in the mini-fridge. Yogurt cups, prepared salads, fruit, a few cans of soup and chili, cereal and milk, a loaf of bread, a jar of peanut butter, and one of jelly. He picked up some plastic utensils, paper plates, cups, bowls and napkins as well. The shopping trip was stressful. On one hand, the more he loaded into his cart, the more relief he felt that at least their immediate needs would be met. But, on the other, his panic was increasing with every dollar he was spending to meet them. He tried to channel the feeling he had had when he was talking to Luke. That he was safe and supported. That he wasn't alone. That everything was going to be ok. The mindset was more difficult to maintain on his own, but he fought to hold onto it.

He headed back to the motel to unload his purchases. He stocked the fridge, organized the plates, utensils and canned goods on the table, set out Winston's bowls and bed, and lined up all the toiletries on the bathroom counter. He wanted the bleak and shabby little room to feel as comfortable as possible when he brought Jeremy back from Melissa's. He fed and walked Winston, made himself a peanut butter sandwich, and settled in to wait for Jeremy's text. After a few minutes of laying on one of the beds dwelling on his situation and debating how he should break the news to Jeremy, Jess realized what he had forgotten to buy. A book. Any book. He couldn't remember the last time he had been without one. He hated reading on his phone. But, desperate times…...

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Jess pulled up in front of the house, double checking the address. This was it. Jess was grateful that Melissa lived in a good part of the city, on a block filled with houses instead of apartment buildings, which meant space to park. He wanted to talk to Jeremy before he took him back to the motel, but he preferred to not be driving so that he could give Jeremy his full attention, and hugs if he needed them. He texted Jeremy to let him know he was here, received a quick reply that he would be right down, and less than twenty seconds later he watched Jeremy emerge from Melissa's front door with a big smile on his face. Jess felt a pain so deep it felt physical at knowing that he was about to erase that smile. He took a steadying breath as he watched the boy jog up to the passenger door in the cold, grinning as he reached for the door handle. Jess was hit by a swell of emotion at what the outcome could have been if Jeremy had taken him up on his offer to spend another day home in front of the television.

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Jeremy's smile faded as soon as he got in the car. Even in the dark, he could see that something was seriously wrong. Jess looked more distraught than Jeremy had ever seen him. He looked like he was holding back tears. Jeremy's first thought was Winston. Then Luke. Jeremy had known something bad had been bound to happen. It was inevitable. Even with Jess losing his job, things had been going too smoothly. That wasn't how Jeremy's life went. He braced himself. "What's wrong?"

A small sad smile formed on Jess's face, but Jeremy could tell that even that was forced. "I have some shitty news, but I want you to know that everyone is ok. Winston. Luke. Everyone in Stars Hollow."

Jeremy let out a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "What is it? What happened?"

Jess let out a dry, humorless laugh. "This sounds so absurd, but here goes. Our apartment burned down today."

"What?" Jeremy couldn't process what Jess was saying. It felt like a joke, but he couldn't see what the punchline could possibly be. "Are you serious?"

"Well, I guess that's an exaggeration." Jess took a visibly shaky breath and ran a hand over the back of his neck as if he was working out a kink, but Jeremy recognized it as Jess's go-to move when he felt insecure. "It was still standing when Winston and I last saw it. But, there was a fire. It started on the first floor and went up the stairwell to the other floors. The whole building was pretty much on fire. It looked like shit after they put it out."

Jeremy leaned forward, studying Jess for damage, not knowing what exactly he was looking for. "But, you're ok? You and Winston? You guys got out in time?"

"We're ok. Winston is at the motel that we're going to be staying at. We weren't inside. We were out for a walk when it happened. I almost went for a run instead and left the little guy…. but he wanted to come. He was really persistent….."

Jess looked torn up over almost leaving Winston, and Jeremy couldn't bear it. He leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his foster father, squeezing him tightly enough to make up for the awkward positioning over the console between them. "I'm so glad you're ok. And that you took Winston with you." Jeremy thought about what could have happened today, and he felt a rush of gratitude that Jess hadn't been hurt. He held on tightly, feeling the solid weight of him in his arms, the proof that he was ok.

Jeremy felt Jess hug him back. His foster father's head moved against the side of his own as he nodded his agreement. "I'm just grateful you were in school. I'm really glad you didn't listen to me and stay home another day. I love you so much, Jeremy. I can't believe I…if you had been home…..." Jeremy listened to Jess's voice become thick with emotion before he trailed off. He heard his foster father sniffle once and Jeremy hugged him even harder.

"It's ok, Jess. We're all ok. I love you, too. I'm so glad you're all right. I don't know what I would do without you." After finally getting to have someone like Jess in his life, Jeremy didn't think he'd be able to handle losing him if something had happened. He didn't even want to think about that.

Jess pulled back first, wiping quickly at one eye, embarrassment clear on his face. "I'm sorry, Jeremy. I didn't mean to act like this. I thought I had my shit together better than this." Jess huffed out a small laugh. "I really didn't mean to cry and snot all over you."

Jeremy smiled, glad to see Jess acting more like himself. "You really didn't. But, hey, so what if you did? I've definitely cried and snotted all over you a few times. And you still love me, right?"

Jess was looking at Jeremy with a small smirk on his face. "That I do, my friend. But, it's different. You're the kid. I'm the dad. Those roles have very different job descriptions. Read the fine print."

It hit Jeremy then that Jess would never get to legally be his dad now. He had had doubts about whether the adoption would still go through after Jess lost his job, but he was pretty sure that being homeless clinched it. He supposed that was the bad thing that he had known was bound to happen. The fire hadn't hurt anyone he loved, but it had eviscerated his dream of being adopted once and for all. Jeremy knew he would likely spend his eighteenth birthday crying over the fact that he would technically be aging out of foster care without an official forever family, but right now, sitting here with Jess, it wasn't hard to believe that things could be ok anyway. No one got everything they wanted. And Jeremy had ended up with more than he had ever thought possible. He belonged to someone now, even if they would never be able to make it official, and that was huge.

Jeremy smirked. "You cried like one tear. It's not a big deal. I'm pretty sure our relationship can survive it."

Jess chuckled, before his expression turned serious. "I'm really sorry this happened, Jeremy. As soon as I get another job, I'm going to replace all your stuff. I promise."

"I don't care about my stuff being replaced." Jeremy felt a pang of grief at the thought of losing the shoe box in his closet. But, he didn't need to dump that on Jess when the guy already felt like shit. And Jeremy hadn't lied. He didn't care about any of the stuff that could be replaced. He had moved and parted with his personal possessions so many times in his life that he knew he could do it again if he needed to. "Do you think any of it is salvageable, or was everything burned up?"

"The firefighters said they need to secure the building and if they feel like it's safe, we might be able to go in and grab some of our stuff, if there's anything left that wasn't ruined by the fire or the water. They also said not to get our hopes up since we were on the top floor. I guess the odds of an apartment being safe enough to reenter go down the higher the floor."

Jeremy nodded, pushing down the emotions about the picture of his mom. He would let himself wallow in that grief later, when he was alone. All he could do now was hope for the best and wait to see what would happen. Sometimes things were like that. It was a lesson Jeremy had had to learn over and over. "So, are we going to live in a motel now?" Jeremy was pretty sure they wouldn't be able to rent a new apartment with no jobs between them.

"For now, yeah. I booked the cheapest place I could get that allowed dogs and wasn't in a completely sketchy neighborhood. I'm thinking, if this is ok with you that is, that we'll stay in Philly until you finish this semester and then we'll move to Stars Hollow and you can do your final semester of school there." Jess paused. "What do you think? Are you still ok with leaving your school and Melissa and everything?"

"I'm fine with switching schools. It sucks that I have to leave Melissa, but I get that we need to move. I'll miss her, but I'd miss you more if I stayed here to be with her." "And, I think I'll like living in Stars Hollow. And having your whole family around." "I've never had that and I think it could be really good."

Then Jess was cupping the back of Jeremy's neck, his palm warm and comforting against Jeremy's skin, which was still cold from being outdoors. "Thank you for being such a great kid." When he felt a gentle pressure on the back of his head, Jeremy tilted his chin down, in anticipation of the kiss that Jess dropped on the top off his head.

Jess smiled and squeezed Jeremy's shoulder before turning his attention to the road in front of him as he put the car in drive and pulled away from the curb. He cleared his throat. "And, just so you know, I'm going to call Ms. Garcia tomorrow to see if this will affect the adoption. I'll keep you updated."

"Yeah, let me know what she says." Jeremy played along for Jess's sake, pretending he still believed the adoption might happen. He wondered if Jess was doing the same for him. If this was the worst things were going to get, it wasn't anything Jeremy couldn't handle. He took a deep breath and tried to convince himself that everything was still ok.


	18. Chapter 18 - It Always Gets Worse

**Chapter 18 Notes:** Here's a long one! The boys struggle on in Philly. The last scene of this chapter contains something that a couple of readers have requested. The next chapter will be a direct continuation of this scene and will contain some follow up on this. Thanks for all the great reviews and comments for the last chapter. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Saturday morning found Jess sitting at the small table in the motel room staring at the screen of Jeremy's laptop. He had moved his job search to the Hartford area and spent most of the morning pouring over job postings and researching publishing companies there. There weren't nearly as many independent presses in Hartford as there were in Philadelphia and Jess wasn't leaving any stone unturned. He was going through each company one by one, tailoring a cover letter to match the work each did and sending out resumes. He had widened his search to internet-based editing and writing jobs, too, in the event that he didn't get lucky with one of the publishing houses. He worried there would come a time when he would need to extend his search beyond writing or editing jobs of any kind, and he felt a rush of panic at the idea of ending up back in the same warehouse at Walmart where he had worked as a teenager. That weighed on him, always there in the back of his mind, spurring him to keep looking and keep applying for jobs. It's not like he had made a ton of money at Truncheon, but he had made enough and for the most part he had enjoyed and taken pride in what he did. The idea of going back to a low-skill minimum wage job at his age was scary. He wasn't sure his ego could take the hit.

It was hard to focus today. Not having been able to talk to the social worker was distracting him. He had kept his word to Jeremy and called Ms. Garcia on Thursday, and then again on Friday, but he had not heard back from her yet. He had only called her a few other times since he had started fostering Jeremy and it wasn't unusual for her to take a day or two to get back to him. He knew she was overextended with the amount of kids in her caseload and he never held the delay against her. He always assumed she was stuck dealing with emergencies and putting out fires with some of her other foster situations. But, this time, he was the one with the fire, literally and figuratively, and he needed her help. He knew he would be a mess of nerves until he was able to speak to her and get assurance that the adoption could still go through on Tuesday. He was trying not to let himself think about the alternative.

Jess looked over at Jeremy, who was lying on his stomach on his bed, his calculus textbook open in front of him, working through some problems in his notebook. Jeremy hadn't complained once. Not about losing his home or his stuff in the fire. Or about sharing a small motel room with Jess and having no real privacy. Or about going four days and counting without a home-cooked meal. Jess thought about how ill-tempered and uncooperative he had been when he had first been sent to live with Luke. He remembered how sharing one open-plan room with his adult uncle had been so offensive to his self-centered teenage sensibilities. He was ashamed of how badly he had reacted to his own forced relocation back then. And his situation had been so much better than this. He had gotten home-cooked meals every morning and most evenings, along with all the free diner food he wanted made to order right downstairs. Luke's apartment had been much bigger than this tiny motel room, and the few times Jess had done his own laundry, he had been able to use Luke's washer machine without the hassle of dragging his stuff down the street to a laundromat. And his clothes had been his own, stuff he had picked out himself that hadn't come from a thrift store. And the neighborhood had been pleasantville-safe. If he had had a dog then, he could have walked it by himself at two o'clock in the morning if he had wanted to. Unlike here, where Jess wouldn't let Jeremy take Winston on walks by himself after dark and insisted on driving him to and from school because he didn't want him out waiting for the bus. Jeremy had to feel stifled and uncomfortable in their current situation. There was no way he couldn't. But, he never complained.

Most of the time Jess felt lucky that Jeremy was such a good kid. That he was good-natured and adaptable and didn't exhibit any of the quintessential teenage attitude that Jess himself had had in abundance at his age. He never talked back or purposely pushed Jess's buttons to get a rise out of him. He was pleasant with Jess's family and everyone else that Jess had ever seen him with. Most of the time Jess felt grateful for that. But, then there were moments like this when Jess really thought about what Jeremy's childhood had been like. About what the boy had gone through to make him turn out the way he was. About how many bad experiences Jeremy had lived through in his life. A teenager should be pissed about losing all their shit. It was the normal reaction. Jess knew that. But, everything was relative, and to Jeremy this was just an insubstantial setback in a lifetime filled with far more significant losses. Jess wondered, not for the first time, if Jeremy had trained himself to always display a good attitude because he'd never had anyone who would love him through a bad one. He realized he had been staring, when the boy started shifting around, then looked up from his book.

Jeremy smiled slightly as he met Jess's eye. "What?"

"Nothing. I was just looking at you and thinking about what a great kid you are."

Jeremy laughed. "Yeah, right."

Jess gave his foster son a warm smile. "What? I was." Jess knew he had embarrassed the boy, when a pink flush spread across his cheeks and he trained his eyes back down on the book in front of him. Jeremy's trouble with accepting compliments pulled at something in Jess's heart. The boy could kind of handle praise about his grades or about some specific task he had done well, but he seemed to freeze up when the compliment was more general, like telling him he was a great kid or a good person. He wondered how much of Jeremy's awkwardness with compliments stemmed from natural humility and how much was due to a lack of practice at receiving them. Jess decided to change the subject. "Hey, do you need this?" He gestured toward Jeremy's laptop on the desk in front of him. He had learned since his own computer had died that Jeremy wouldn't speak up about needing to use the one laptop they had left if Jess was using it, so Jess had become cognizant of checking in with Jeremy every so often. He didn't want Jeremy's grade to suffer because he wasn't getting enough time on his own computer.

"Oh, uh…...no that's ok. I don't need it."

"You sure? I'm at a good stopping point now, if you do." Jess had been in the middle of writing a cover letter, but he needed a break.

Jeremy started to sit up. "Ok. Maybe just for like an hour or two? I just have one assignment that I need to write up. Is that ok?"

"Of course. School comes first." Jess stood up from the desk and stretched his back and shoulders. "What do you say we go get some lunch first? I saw a little Mexican place down the block that looked good. And pretty cheap. There should be some vegetarian stuff there, too."

Jeremy frowned. "You sure you want to go out? I think we have a can of chili and a couple of slices of bread left." Jess made a mental note to go by the grocery store this afternoon and replenish their food supply.

"I'm sure. We're not going to run out of money if we grab one lunch out. I promise." As this point, Jess was hemorrhaging money so profusely on the motel that he had given up the idea of having anything more substantial than a few thousand dollars left in his bank account by the time they moved to Stars Hollow. He would pretty much be starting over at that point. He tried to block out the frenetic thumping in the back of his mind that always accompanied that thought. The one that made him feel like a failure for ending up right back where he started and filled him with anxiety that he was running out of time to right his life. Winston had got to his feet after Jess and was trotting around him eagerly. "And I really need to get out of this room for a little bit. What do you say? Let's take this little guy for a walk and then go get lunch."

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"I really could have just taken the bus, you know." Jeremy said.

Jess took a quick look at Jeremy in the passenger seat before shifting his eyes back to the road. He was a little annoyed that the kid wouldn't let this go. The boy had brought it up every morning since they had started staying at the motel. Jess tried to keep his tone light. "Huh. I could have sworn we already had this conversation."

Jeremy frowned. "I'm just saying. I've lived in bad neighborhoods before. I'm fine with taking the bus from here."

"Well, I'm not fine with it. I don't want you waiting for the bus in this neighborhood. I've told you that several times now, Jeremy. I don't want to have to tell you again." Jess glanced at Jeremy and watched him lower his head slightly, eyes downcast. The kid took everything so hard. Jess decided to change tactics. He was a little irritated that Jeremy kept bringing this up, but not enough that he wanted to make Jeremy feel reprimanded. "And, besides, I don't have anything more important to do right now than drive my kid to school and pick him up." Jess smirked. "Why do you want to take that joy away from me? Are you not enjoying this father son bonding time as much as I am?" Jess feigned shock at the possibility. "I know what you need. Would it help get you into bonding mode if I put the radio on and we had a sing along?"

Jess heard Jeremy huff out a laugh. "I'm not saying I don't appreciate the ride. I just don't want you to feel like you need to go out of your way to do it. Like, I'm some little kid or something."

Jess sighed. "Try to look at it from my point of view. I don't pack your lunch. I haven't cooked you a hot meal in almost a week. Your current wardrobe was purchased in haste at Goodwill and you only own like five pairs of socks. Please let me do this one thing that makes me feel like I'm still a halfway decent parent. Ok? Just give me this. Please."

"Ok. If it means that much to you." Jess could see from the corner of his eye that Jeremy was smiling softly now.

"It does. And for the record, I don't think you're a little kid. But, you are my kid, and I do worry about you being safe. And, right now, when I have so much other shit to worry about, it makes me feel a little better to not have you waiting for the bus in a not so great neighborhood." Jess glanced over at Jeremy. "So, thank you for humoring me and letting me drive you."

Jeremy nodded his head. "Just so you know, I don't mind spending the extra time with you either. And it's nice to be in a warm car instead of waiting at a cold bus stop. I just didn't want you to feel like you had to."

"I know I don't have to. But I like doing it. When we move to Stars Hollow, where the violent crime rate is a negative percent, you can run around on your own all you want. You can even stay out past ten o'clock. Nothing will be open, but you can knock yourself out staying out late if you want. But for the week and a half that we're still here, I'd like to keep driving you around, so that I know you're safe."

"All right. Thanks."

"You're welcome, Jeremy. You're always welcome." Jess took a moment to collect his thoughts before he changed topics. "So, I'm going to call Ms. Garcia again today. I know this is a lot to dump on her so last minute, with the adoption being tomorrow and you turning eighteen in a week. I really hope that we can still go through with it. I want this more than I've wanted anything in such a long time, maybe ever." Jess took a breath and put on a brave face. "But, I also know that it might be out of Ms. Garcia's hands. Me being jobless and homeless might be a hard no for DCFS. We have to be prepared for that to be a possibility. And, I….I just want you to know that if I don't get to adopt you, it won't change anything. Not for me. It's just a legality. You're already my son and you always will be. You already have a permanent place in my family no matter what happens tomorrow. Nothing will ever change how I feel about you or how important you are to me. I need you to know that." Jess hoped that was convincing. He looked at Jeremy and watched the boy nod his head slowly, his expression grim.

"And, I know all that might sound like a bunch of bullshit, but I think about it this way. Luke wouldn't love me more if he had legally adopted me. He and I have our own father son thing going on anyway. Because we chose to. Because he chose to love me like I was his own kid. And, you and I have the same thing. You're already my kid because I'm choosing to be your dad. Every single day I'm making that choice. And I'm already your dad because you're choosing to be my kid. I know that you want us to officially be a family. I get that. But if we don't get to do that-" Jess tried to keep his emotions in check. He had a feeling there would be no adoption tomorrow, and he hated how disappointed he felt and how much he was letting Jeremy down. But, he wanted to be strong for Jeremy, to point out the silver lining. They were already a family. That might have to be enough. "It won't change how I feel about you. It won't change anything. Not one bit. You're my kid and I love you. Nothing can change that."

Jeremy was looking out the windshield when Jess glanced over. "Thanks. I love you, too. And I know you're right." Jeremy said, avoiding eye contact. "I try to think about what my life would have been like if I had never met you. I'd be aging out of foster care next week by myself. With no forever family and no one who really cares about me….I'd be all alone. So, even if you can't adopt me and I don't technically get a forever family, I don't feel like I'm alone anymore. And that's huge. I know I should be grateful for that. I am grateful for that. It's so much more than I ever really expected to have at eighteen." Jeremy turned toward Jess and watched him as he pulled the car up to the curb in front of the school. "So, I get it. I'm trying to not get my hopes up for tomorrow, too. I know we'll be ok either way."

Jess turned to fully look at his foster son, giving him the warmest smile he could muster while his heart was breaking for the kid. He tried to sound encouraging when he spoke. "Yeah, we will. I love you, Jeremy and I'm so glad you're mine." Jess leaned over and gave the boy a quick hug, not wanting to embarrass him in case anyone he knew from school walked by.

Jeremy pulled back with a small smile on his face. "I love you, too. Thanks for talking to me about this and for listening to me and everything."

"Are you kidding? I love listening to you. It's my favorite part of being your dad." Jess couldn't shake the feeling that Jeremy was humoring him with how well he was taking the possibility of not being adopted. It hit Jess that that was the downside to having a compassionate and considerate child. They didn't always tell you what they were really thinking, especially if they thought it was going to hurt.

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Ms. Garcia picked up on the second ring. Jess swallowed, feeling much more nervous than he had expected to. "Hi, Ms. Garcia. This is Jess Mariano. Jeremy Cooper's foster dad."

"Hello, Mr. Mariano. I was just about to call you. I'm sitting here looking at the report from your recent background check that we ran in advance of tomorrow's adoption. Is this correct that you've been laid off from your job?"

"Yes, that's correct. But, I'm searching for a new position everyday. I have a solid resume and excellent references. I feel confident that I'll find something soon." Jess cringed. He was trying to put his best foot forward, but he sounded like such a tool. He took a deep, and what he hoped was centering, breath.

"That's good to hear, Mr. Mariano. Until that happens, how are you paying rent and your other bills? I see that you're collecting unemployment. Is that enough to meet your needs and provide for Jeremy?"

Jess was relieved to hear follow up questions and to know that being unemployed wasn't an immediate dealbreaker. There was wriggle room to explain his case. "Uh, yes, I'm receiving unemployment benefits. I should be getting my first payment this week. It's definitely not enough to cover all my bills, but I've got some money saved up and I really think we'll be ok until I can find something else."

"Hmm. And you're still at 1754 Hurston St.? Is that right?"

Jess took another breath. He knew this was it. He debated lying, just saying yes he was. It's not like he filed an insurance claim or anything that would show up in any kind of background check. "Actually, that's why I was calling you. There was a fire in the building I lived in. The building was pretty wrecked and we couldn't stay there anymore."

There was a long pause that Jess didn't feel good about. "I'm very sorry to hear that, Mr. Mariano. When exactly did this fire occur?"

Jess was starting to sweat. He was tempted to tell her that the fire only happened five minutes ago. "The fire was last week. Last Wednesday. I tried to call you on Thursday."

"Yes, I got your voicemail. I was tied up with an emergency situation on Thursday and Friday. My apologies for not getting back to you sooner. Where have you and Jeremy been staying since the fire?"

"Uh, we're at the Morning Glory motel right now." Jess felt humiliated at the admission. "It's not the greatest place, but it's ok, and I needed somewhere that would let us keep our dog with us."

"I see. What are your plans for how you'll support Jeremy financially through the rest of his senior year? Do you plan on getting another apartment or remaining in the motel while Jeremy finishes school?" Ms. Garcia's voice sounded neutral, not particularly compassionate, but not annoyed either. It gave Jess a small spark of hope.

"Oh, well, I'm thinking we'll stay in the motel for the next week and a half so that Jeremy can finish out his current semester of school. Then the plan is to move into my uncle's place in Connecticut and have Jeremy take his last semester of high school there. It's this really cute small town. Very safe, very nice people. And we'll be around my family, and Jeremy really likes them, so I think it will be really good. Jeremy is pretty excited about moving there." It irked Jess that he found himself singing Stars Hollow's praises in order to bolster his argument, but he supposed he would talk up anything and anyone, even Lorelai or TJ, if it would help his case.

Jess listened to the social worker sigh. "Mr. Mariano. There are certain rules that we must adhere to regarding the adoption of minors. One rule is that the adoptive parent must have the means to financially support the child. In Jeremy's case, since he is a week away from his eighteenth birthday and if you have enough savings to provide for Jeremy in the immediate future, the fact that you are unemployed could be worked around." Jess could feel himself holding his breath. He sensed a 'but' coming. "Another rule is that the adoptive parent must be able to provide safe and reasonably permanent housing for the child. Reasonably permanent doesn't have to mean owning a house, but it does mean having a lease indicating that you have control over your living space for a certain period of time. It does not include renting a room at a motel-"

"But, we'll be living with my uncle soon. We won't be in the motel much longer."

"There's another issue. The adoptive parent must be able to provide a living space that has been vetted by DCFS. We don't perform home inspections in other states, and it requires a lot of paperwork and planning with another state's social service agencies for us to have them perform the home inspection. Also, every adult in the home would need to pass a background check, including your uncle and anyone else living in the home."

"Oh, my uncle won't be living with us. He has his own house. We're going to be staying in his old apartment, just me and Jeremy." Jess wondered if the apartment over the diner would have passed a home inspection anyway. There was only one means of egress and no doors separating the bedrooms.

"Be that as it may, Mr. Mariano. There are too many open issues here. And since none of these issues will be resolved by tomorrow or within the next week, we're going to have to cancel the adoption for now. I'm sorry. I know it's not what you want to hear."

Jess felt his heart sink. He couldn't believe this was happening. It's not like he hadn't expected this outcome, but hearing the words out loud and absorbing the finality of the decision were causing him physical pain. "Ms. Garcia." He hated the plaintive sound of his voice, but he knew this was no time for pride. "Jeremy wants this so much. It's been his dream for so long to be adopted. And I want this, too. So badly. Jeremy is such a great kid, and he deserves to be allowed to be adopted if that's what he wants. Please let us go through with the adoption. Next week he'll be eighteen and we'll be moving to Connecticut and we'll be out of your hair. Please." Jess knew he sounded pathetic. He felt like he was practically begging. "Please. I love him and I don't want to let him down about something this big-" It hit Jess then that Ms. Garcia had said 'for now' and he froze mid-sentence. "What do you mean, 'for now'? You said we need to cancel the adoption 'for now'?" Jess could feel his heart perking up with the slightest sliver of hope.

"Yes, Mr. Mariano." She was speaking slowly now, like she was explaining something to someone she didn't trust to understand. "We need to cancel tomorrow's adoption and put it on hold until Jeremy turns eighteen. There are too many concerns here for us to allow you to adopt a minor, but once Jeremy is eighteen, he can be adopted by anyone he chooses. He won't need DCFS approval at that point."

"Wait, I can adopt him next week after he turns eighteen? I still can adopt him even when he's an adult? Is that what you're telling me?" Jess realized he sounded like the dimwit that Ms. Garcia was treating him as, but he didn't care. He wanted to make sure he got all the facts straight and understood what he needed to do.

"Yes, Mr. Mariano." Ms. Garcia's voice was warmer now. "This would have been covered in the class you took to receive your certification as a resource parent. It isn't a secret. You can adopt Jeremy once he's eighteen. Adult adoptions aren't as common as the adoption of minors, but they happen. Sometimes a child grows close to his or her foster parents but is unavailable for adoption and chooses to be adopted by the foster parents upon reaching adulthood. Or a foster youth remains in extended foster care at eighteen and finds his or her forever family at that age and they all choose to make it a permanent family. Or sometimes a foster child whose birth parents' rights have been terminated will seek them out at eighteen and choose to be adopted back into their birth family. These situations aren't typical, but they do happen and it's what I suggest for you and Jeremy. Once he's eighteen, the only criteria for adoption is that you both want the adoption to happen. It's similar to when two adults choose to get married and become family that way. There's no background check or home inspection. You just need to stand in front of a judge and promise to be each other's family."

"That's amazing! That's the best news I've heard in a long time, Ms. Garcia. Thank you. Thank you so much!" Jess felt like he could cry from relief. "Can we set a date for next Monday and do it on Jeremy's birthday?"

"Oh, no, that won't be possible. The court calendar books up a month in advance. And this month is especially tight with the holidays coming up. I doubt you'll be able to get it taken care of before you move next week. I would advise finding an attorney as soon as you settle in in Connecticut and getting a court date on the books there. You will need an attorney for the adoption, but if that poses a financial hurdle for you, you can try looking into a pro-bono attorney. Many law firms will provide adoption services for free that way."

"Oh, all right." Jess felt his spirits dampen slightly, and tried not to sound as disappointed as he felt. Going through with the adoption on Jeremy's birthday had seemed like the perfect solution, and the best thing he could possibly have given Jeremy as a present.

"Plus, you say you have family there. You are normally allowed to bring guests to court for an adoption. Your family might want to be there, too, to celebrate with you both and welcome Jeremy to the family. It might make the day even more special for him that way."

"Oh, yeah. That's a good idea." He could adopt Jeremy. This was what he had been hoping for. The only issue now was timing, but he could live with that. "Thank you so much." Jess felt himself getting emotional. He could adopt Jeremy. He could really adopt his kid. All wasn't lost. Jess wasn't going to let Jeremy down. "Thank you for everything. For taking the time to explain this to me and for everything you've done for Jeremy for all the years before he was mine. He really likes you and I appreciate how good you've been to him. And, thank you for matching him with me. I thought it was so ridiculous when you brought me a seventeen-and-a-half year old kid, but I can't imagine my life without him now. He's a really great kid." Jess could feel his voice thickening with emotion and he felt embarrassed. "Just thank you. For everything."

"Jeremy is a great kid." The smile is evident in the social worker's voice now, possibly the first time she's aimed it at him instead of Jeremy even after all their visits and appointments. "I'm really glad I could help bring you two together. I know how happy you make him, and I wish you two a good life together as father and son."

Jess got off the phone feeling good. He couldn't wait to tell Jeremy, but he didn't want to tell him over text. He knew a person only got to share news this big a handful of times in a lifetime, if he was lucky, and Jess wanted to break the news in person. He was still sitting at the table in happy shock a few minutes later when he received a text from Jeremy asking if he could go over to Melissa's house after school. Jess really wanted to tell him that he needed to see him and that he would pick him up after school, but he thought about the limited time Jeremy had left with Melissa before the move, and he felt selfish. He texted back, that of course it was ok, to have fun and text for a ride by ten. He wanted very much to share his news. He thought about calling Luke, but he didn't think it was right to tell another person before he told Jeremy. He put the phone down and crouched on the floor in front of Winston. "Hey, little guy." Jess gently rubbed the sleeping dog behind his ears until he opened his eyes. "Sorry to wake you, buddy. I just wanted to let you know that you're going to have a little brother soon. That's right, I'm going to adopt Jeremy. What do you think about that?" Jess knew that Winston was just responding to his playful tone when the dog stood up and started licking at his face, but he still took it as a good sign. He replayed what Ms. Garcia had said in his head: I know how happy you make him. It's not like he hadn't realized that on his own, but it still felt good to hear.

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Jess was pacing around the motel room, still fully dressed, unsure of what to do. He looked at the clock on the nightstand for the millionth time. Quarter past two. He wasn't sure what the protocol was for a situation like this. Jeremy wasn't home yet and he wasn't answering his phone or responding to texts. Jess had been waiting for his text at ten to say he was ready to be picked up. When he hadn't received it by ten fifteen, he had texted Jeremy with what had felt like a joke at the time about the kid being in trouble for missing his curfew. He hadn't actually been worried yet at that point. Jess had figured that even a kid as responsible as Jeremy could lose track of time when he was spending it alone with a girl he liked. Jess had certainly done it enough himself at that age, when he had been out with Rory or Shane. He hadn't thought it was a big deal until there still wasn't a response by ten-thirty. He texted again and called Jeremy's phone, and then drove over to Melissa's house when Jeremy didn't pick up or respond.

On the drive over it had dawned on him that if they hadn't moved into the motel and Jess hadn't started insisting on driving Jeremy around, Jess would have had no idea where Melissa lived or where his kid had been spending so much time. As it was, he had never met Melissa because Jeremy always went to her house instead of having her over, even when they had still had their own apartment. He got it. The girl lived in a nice house and had a single mom who traveled for work a lot. Jess would have wanted to hang out there, too, if he were Jeremy. But, not even asking for her address until last week made Jess feel remiss as a parent. As he had turned onto Melissa's street, he had thought about how powerless he would have felt tonight if he still hadn't known where she lived. He pulled up in front of her house, and was surprised to see that all the lights were off. He jogged up the stoop and rang the bell once. Then three more times when there was no answer. He could feel his heart rate picking up. He stood on the sidewalk in front of Melissa's house texting and calling Jeremy repeatedly for about ten minutes, getting increasingly anxious as a host of possible bad scenarios ran through his mind. He had the bad feeling that Jeremy and Melissa had never been at her house tonight. He had sat in his car and called and texted Jeremy for a few more minutes. He even called the motel and asked to be put through to his room in case Jeremy had lost his phone and made it home on his own. No answer.

By eleven-thirty, Jess had headed home. He had let himself into the motel room hoping to find Jeremy already there, ignoring his phone because he was in the shower or already asleep. No such luck. Logically he knew Jeremy would never ignore all his texts and voicemails like this if he were able to respond. The boy was a worrier himself and he would never be thoughtless enough to put Jess through this if he could help it. Jess had gone on the computer to look up phone numbers. He knew it was probably too early to call the police. He couldn't see them having much of a response to a teenager who had missed curfew. He had checked the area hospitals to see if Jeremy had been admitted, but no one had a record of him or of any unconscious or unidentified kids matching his description. He had even called the jail to see if the boy had been arrested. He couldn't picture that happening, but he didn't really know that much about this Melissa girl. Maybe she and Jeremy had gotten in some kind of trouble together. He knew it was a longshot. The jail didn't have him either.

By three o'clock, Jess decided he should report Jeremy missing. He looked up the number for the local police station. He was a few minutes into filing the police report over the phone, when he heard the door opening slowly. Jeremy walked in with guilt written all over his face. Jess gave Jeremy a hard stare as he spoke into the phone. "Thank you, officer, but my son just walked through the door." Jess watched with satisfaction as Jeremy blanched at that. Jess missed what the officer was saying, something about being glad everything turned out all right. "Me too. Thank you for your time. Have a good night." He ended the call and put his phone down on the table as he watched a sleepy Winston greet his boy at the door. Jeremy didn't make a sound as he carefully closed the door behind him and gave Winston a few distracted pats on the head, keeping his eyes down, focused on the dog. Jess took a deep, calming breath. "Are you all right?"

Jeremy looked up with scared eyes and nodded slightly. "I'm sorry." His voice was barely above a whisper, low and frightened, as if he wanted to apologize, but wanted to avoid attracting Jess's attention at the same time.

"Get over here." It was all Jess could manage. He felt the rush of adrenaline that had gotten him through the night crash at the sight of Jeremy, alive and whole and seemingly fine. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt this level of relief or been this happy to see anyone.

Jeremy tentatively approached Jess and once he was within arm's reach, Jess pulled the boy to him, wrapping him in a tight hug. "Jesus, Jeremy." Jess kept the hug brief and pulled back, holding Jeremy in place with a hand on each of the boy's shoulders, feeling anger starting to surface even as his worry dissipated. "Where the fuck have you been?" Jess's tone sounded harsher than he intended, but he wasn't going to apologize for it. Jeremy had earned it.

Jeremy looked back at him with a deer in the headlights look on his face. Jess wondered how the boy could be caught off guard by the most obvious question Jess could possibly ask in this situation. Then it hit him that Jeremy was probably surprised that Jess had sworn at him like that. Jess had been a little surprised by it himself.

Jess took his hands off Jeremy's shoulders. "Answer me, Jeremy. I've already spent enough time waiting for you tonight." Jess had a right to be angry, but he knew he needed to tone down the hostile attitude he was giving off. It wasn't going to make anything better.

Jeremy's voice trembled, not enough that it looked like he was going to cry, but enough to make Jess feel a modicum of compassion for him. He could still remember what it felt like to be young and small and have an angry boyfriend or husband of Liz's bearing down on him. "I'm sorry, Jess. We, uh, we fell asleep. We were watching a movie and we fell asleep. And when I woke up and realized what time it was, I took an uber home."

"So, you were watching a movie and you both fell asleep. Then when you woke up, what thirty minutes ago? Say around two-thirty in the morning. You saw the many, many urgent texts I sent you and voicemails I left you and instead of responding to let me know you were ok and even alive, you decided to call a fucking uber to what, surprise me?" Jess could feel himself getting worked up. "Why wouldn't you at least text me back that you were on your way home?"

"I don't know. It was so late. I didn't want to wake you up." Jeremy said it like he was asking a question, as if he, too, found his own motivation unconvincing, and it infuriated Jess even more.

"Really? That's seriously what you're going with right now?" Jess didn't bother keeping the hostility and condescension from his voice. "You woke up and looked at your fucking phone and thought, gee, Jess left me a shit-ton of urgent texts begging me to text him back, but when he didn't get a response, I'm sure he just gave up and went to bed, as any parent out of their mind with worry would do. And, I'm such a considerate kid that I don't want to wake him. You're seriously telling me that was your thought process?"

"I guess." Jeremy's voice was barely audible. "I'm really sorry."

"You're sorry? Are you also a moron? Or do you just think I'm a moron? It's got to be one or the other because that thought process is completely stupid and unbelievable." Jess recognized that he was crossing a line. Name calling was far from ok. He took a deep, stabilizing breath and a step back from Jeremy, trying to reign himself in. Even though he couldn't really wrap his mind around the idea or fit it with his image of who Jeremy was, he had the unshakable feeling that the boy was lying to him. "What movie were you watching?"

"Uh, what?" Jeremy looked startled, and even more nervous.

"What movie were you and Melissa watching when you fell asleep, Jeremy? It's an easy question. What fucking movie were you watching?" Jess's volume was rising. He could sense that whatever part of his brain normally kept his temper in check was loosening the reins.

"Uh. We uh-"

Jess was livid. The kid hadn't even bothered coming up with a decent cover story. "Do you honestly think this is how it's going to go? That this is how our family is going to work? That you're going to come home five fucking hours late and then stand there lying to me about why?"

Jeremy was speechless, and Jess couldn't blame him. He felt out of control. He knew he was scaring the kid. He had to be. He was unnerving himself. "I went by Melissa's house, Jeremy. At around ten-thirty, when I didn't hear back from you. Every light in the house was off. I rang that doorbell four or five times. I'm only going to ask you this one more time, Jeremy. Where the fuck were you tonight?"

"I uh-"

"Dammit, Jeremy!" Jess was full out yelling, and he couldn't deny that it felt good, like the release he had needed since the day he had been fired, since the day he watched his apartment burn with everything he owned inside.

"We, uh, we went to see Melissa's sister's show." Jeremy's voice was low, but he spoke quickly. "She sings in a band. I forgot my phone at Melissa's house. She dropped me off in an uber just now. She had her phone so she called for one at the train station. The show took forever. The band's time kept getting pushed back, and then it got late, but Melissa wanted to stay for it. Since we had gone all the way-" Jeremy looked up at Jess, his expression frozen with guilt.

"Go ahead, Jeremy. Finish your thought." Jess's voice was antagonistic and loaded with sarcasm. "Since you had gone all the way where?'

"Uh, to uh, New York. Melissa's sister goes to NYU."

Jess took another step toward Jeremy, getting in the boy's face, his anger taking on a life of its own, driving his actions without his permission, feeling like he was somehow towering over his foster son even though the kid had a good two inches on him. "You went to New York? Are you fucking kidding me? Like I don't have enough to worry about right now without you running off to another state in the middle of the fucking night without telling me!" Jess was yelling for real, letting out all his pent up rage, over this night and the last two weeks of his life. He was every man who had ever loomed over him in his childhood, trying to intimidate and threaten, his aggressive posture one he had come to recognize as the precursor to physical violence. There was a loud banging against the wall behind the beds in response, and it pissed Jess off even more.

"I'm sorry."

Jess could see how scared Jeremy was, his voice little more than a squeak. But, he still didn't seem capable of lowering his voice or backing up.

"You're sorry? What the fuck, Jeremy? Do you have any idea how stressed I am right now? Tonight was the last thing I needed from you! Do you know fucking worried I was? I called the hospitals when you didn't come home! I called the police! And you know what the first thing they said was? They told me that sometimes teenagers break rules, they miss curfew and stay out late. I told them that my kid wasn't like that. He wasn't a thoughtless, self-centered little shit-." There was more pounding on the wall, and Jess couldn't handle anyone else's shit tonight. "Seriously." He muttered under his breath and ran over to the wall and pounded back, over and over with the side of his fist. "Stop pounding on my fucking wall, asshole! I'm trying to talk to my kid over here!"

"Jess!" Jeremy was pulling at Jess's arm, the one he wasn't using to bang on the wall, trying to pull him away. "Stop! They're going to come over here or call the police! Stop it!" The panic in Jeremy's voice pulled Jess out of his rage.

Jess jerked his arm away from Jeremy, breathing hard. He felt more out of control than he had in a long time. He took two deep breaths, trying to center himself, not sure how he had gotten to this place. He looked at Jeremy, taking in how scared and upset and so very young the boy looked. And down at Winston, who was nervously dancing back and forth behind Jeremy. He looked back at his foster son, knowing that he needed to end this confrontation and send them all to bed before anything was said or done that would irrevocably damage their relationship. With great effort, Jess kept his voice level. "Go get ready for bed, Jeremy. We're not done here. We're picking this conversation up again tomorrow."

Jeremy nodded meekly. Jess could see the relief in the boy's eyes. He didn't want to scare him. Of course, he didn't. But, he didn't want Jeremy to think he was getting off scot free either.

"And just so you know, you're grounded."

The boy's expression turned to one of concern. "But-."

Jess could feel his anger surge up again as he cut Jeremy off, his voice stern but lower than before. "And Jesus Christ, Jeremy, if you stand there right now and try to tell me that I can't ground you because I'm not your real father, I swear to god-."

"I wasn't going to say that! I would never say that!" Jeremy's brow furrowed with hurt, his voice raised in outrage. "If that's what you think then maybe you shouldn't bother trying to adopt me. Maybe you should just send me back!" Jeremy's face crumbled as he started to cry. As Jess watched the boy wipe at his face, it hit him that he hadn't told Jeremy the good news about the adoption.

To be continued…..


	19. Chapter 19 - Before it Gets Better

**Chapter 19 Notes:** Thanks to all the lovely readers out there who made this such a good week for me. The last chapter I posted got 12 reviews! That may not sound like very much, but it's a personal record for me. :) Thank you guys so much for taking the time to send me your thoughts and reactions to my little story. It means so much to me. There is nothing better than hearing from someone who is eager for the next chapter. :) So, here it is, the follow up to last week, picking up with the boys right where we left them. I hope you guys enjoy it.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jeremy stared at the floor, wiping at his eyes and hating himself for crying. He hated that he couldn't handle confrontation, especially confrontation with Jess, without breaking down. He felt like such a loser. He hated that he had yelled back at Jess about calling off the adoption and sending him back. He would only have himself to blame now if Jess took him up on it. He hated how this fight had brought him back in time to the ending of every foster placement he had ever been in. He felt seven years old again, and nine, and ten and eleven and every other age he had been when every other foster parent didn't want to keep him and be his real mom or dad. Jeremy tried to get himself under control. No wonder no one ever wanted him. He was so pathetic. He couldn't think of a reason why anyone would.

Jeremy looked over toward Jess, who had taken a few steps back and turned away from him. His foster father was standing still with his hands clasped together on the back of his head taking deep breaths to calm himself down, his posture reminding Jeremy of a runner cooling down after a race. Jeremy took a few gulping breaths, trying to do the same.

After a few long minutes, Jess dropped his arms to his sides and turned to face his foster son. "Ok." Jeremy heard the gentleness in those two syllables and it brought him back to the night he had first been dropped off in Jess's apartment, when he had broken down at the kitchen table and Jess had rubbed his back and told him everything was going to be ok. The memory made him cry harder at the idea that he had been given someone kind this time, but he had still ended up in the same situation as always. "I didn't mean to say that, Jeremy. I didn't mean to imply that I don't consider myself your real father. Of course I do. I'm about to adopt you. I'm your real dad. You're my real kid. I just, I thought you were going to argue with me about being grounded…...and, I don't know, I guess I thought you were going to use that as your argument, so I wanted to cut you off before you could say that to me. I think maybe I was trying to protect myself. I didn't mean to hurt you like that. It was a stupid thing to say and I'm sorry."

Jeremy looked up at his foster father, taking in his significantly calmer demeanor than that of a few minutes ago. Jeremy was grateful that Jess cared enough to always be gentle with him and treat him with kindness when he cried, but he also felt ashamed that at just a few days shy of eighteen the situation came up as often as it did. "I'm sorry, too."

Jess sighed deeply. "Ok. Everything is ok." Jess sounded like maybe he was trying to convince himself. Jeremy watched him reach a hand up to cup the back of his neck. "What do you say we start over? I don't want either of us to go to bed this upset. Come sit down with me and let's talk about this like the calm, rational people I know we can be." Jess walked in between the two double beds and sat down on the side of his bed. He indicated for Jeremy to do the same, and he did, sitting across from Jess on his own bed. Winston took one more look at Jess and Jeremy before curling up in his bed on the floor.

Jess reached out and set his hand on Jeremy's knee, gently shaking it side to side. "Are you ok?"

Jeremy nodded as he wiped away the remaining wetness from his eyes. He looked at his foster father and was relieved to see the familiar warmth in his eyes, and even though the man wasn't smiling, his expression held no anger for the first time since Jeremy had gotten back to the motel. Jess gave his knee a gentle squeeze before pulling his arm back and resting his palms on his thighs.

"So, how was the band?" Jeremy was surprised at the question and Jess quirked one side of his mouth up in a half smile.

"They were ok." Jeremy spoke softly and tentatively. "They were, uh, really loud." It had been hard for Jeremy to enjoy the show with guilt gnawing away in his stomach over the worry he knew he had to be causing Jess.

Jess laughed softly, before his expression became serious, his voice firm. "Why did you do this, Jeremy? You're a smart kid. A considerate kid. You had to know how crazy it would make me when you didn't come home and I had no idea where you were and no way to get in touch with you. You did realize I would be worried about you, didn't you?"

Jeremy nodded again. He knew his face had to be red with shame. Of course he had known Jess would be worried. It had just been so easy to convince himself that he would worry about Jess later when Melissa has asked him to go. "Yeah. I knew you'd be worried. I'm sorry. I don't…...I don't have a good reason for what I did. I shouldn't have done it. I know that. And I'm sorry. I know that doesn't mean much now, but I am."

"I appreciate the apology, but you're right. Apologizing after you get caught in a lie doesn't mean all that much." Jess paused, giving his comment time to sink in, and Jeremy felt tears pooling in his eyes again. "Was this the plan from the beginning? When you texted me today to ask if you could go to Melissa's after school, were you already planning on heading to New York instead?"

Jeremy shook his head emphatically. "No, I swear! I really thought we were just going to hang out at her house like usual, or go grab food or something. She didn't say anything about the show until we were at her house. A friend of hers came over. This guy Eli that she grew up with. He's a freshman at Villanova. I'd never met him before and Melissa introduced me as her boyfriend. It was the first time she's ever called me that. And the guy knew Melissa's sister and he brought up the show and they both wanted to go, and I don't know….." Jeremy looked down now, embarrassed. "I was the only one who had to be home by a certain time, and I didn't want them to go without me. And Melissa was trying to convince me to go, saying that she wanted us to have an adventure together before I moved to Connecticut, something that we would always remember and that would make us think of each other." Jeremy shrugged slowly, not wanting to look flippant, but not having any real answer for his behavior.

Jess nodded solemnly. "And, you didn't think you should talk to me or at least let me know that you were going? I was really worried back here, Jeremy. I don't know if you really understand how scared I was tonight, but let me tell you, my night really sucked."

Jeremy averted his eyes, landing his gaze on Winston's sleeping form, watching the dog's rib cage rise and fall with each breath. "I thought if I asked you if I could go that you'd say no." It sounded stupid to Jeremy when he heard it out loud, like an explanation a five year old would give for not asking permission to do something they knew was wrong.

"Fair enough. I might have. But, if you had pleaded your case, I might have given in. You are about to turn eighteen. I can't guarantee I would have let you go, but you should have talked to me anyway. I didn't deserve to spend the night as worried as I was. It was awful. I kept imagining all these horrible things that could have happened to you."

Jeremy felt a lone tear spill out of his eye and run down his face. He caught it at his jaw with the back of his hand. "I'm sorry. I'll never do anything like that again. I'm so sorry."

"I know you're sorry now, but a few minutes ago you were still willing to lie to me about where you'd been. That's not ok, Jeremy. That really hurts."

Jeremy felt a few more tears leaking from his eyes and he brushed them away, disgusted with himself. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have lied. I'm so sorry, Jess."

"No, you shouldn't have. I didn't deserve that either. Why didn't you at least text me at ten, when you knew I was expecting you to text for a ride home? You were already in New York. It's not like I could have done anything about it at that point, but I at least would have known where you were and when you'd be home."

"I honestly did forget my phone at Melissa's. It's still there now."

"You know my number, don't you? Why didn't you text me from Melissa's phone?"

Jeremy cringed at the question. "I should have. It's just, neither of them were checking in with their parents. I didn't want to look like a little kid….sorry, it's so stupid. You're right. I should have texted you from Melissa's phone."

"I would have really appreciated it if you had. And, Jeremy, I get that you're really into Melissa. I remember what it's like to be your age and really into a girl. When I was seventeen, and living back in New York with Liz briefly, this girl I was really into in Stars Hollow skipped school and took the bus to New York to see me. She didn't tell her mother she was going and she ended up missing a pretty important family event. And, I didn't care that she skipped school or missed her family stuff. I was just glad she came and that I got to spend time with her. So, I do remember what it's like to be young and so excited about the person you're with that you'll do stupid, selfish shit to spend time with them. But, if I'm ever going to let you out of this motel room again, I need to know that I can trust you, and you basically showed me that I couldn't tonight."

Jeremy nodded again as another tear ran down his cheek. "I'm sorry. I'll never do anything like this again. I'll never lie to you again. I promise."

Jess nodded. "That's what you said the last time you lied to me. About the peanut allergy. So, you'll understand if I don't completely trust your promise this time."

Jeremy was mortified. He wanted to hide his face in his hands, but he knew he owed Jess the respect of looking at him and listening to him like an adult. "I understand. You're right."

"So, the last time you lied, I told you that we all do stupid things sometimes, but I accepted your apology and life went on. You remember that, right?"

Jeremy nodded his head, knowing they were getting to his punishment and feeling more embarrassed than he had since the peanut allergy incident.

"But, since this is the second time you've lied to me, coupled with you leaving the state without telling me and missing your curfew by five hours, I think I need to do more than that this time. Can you understand where I'm coming from here?"

Jeremy nodded. He felt his face warming and knew he must be blushing like crazy at this point. He couldn't believe that with less than a week until his eighteenth birthday, he had gotten himself in a position where Jess felt like he had to punish him like a little kid. He was so ashamed of himself.

"So, you're grounded. I need to think about this overnight, though. I'll let you know how long you're grounded for in the morning. But, you aren't going to be leaving this room except to go to school until we leave for Stars Hollow. You can take your phone with you to school in case you need to reach me or there's an emergency or something, but as soon as you get home, I'm going to take it away from you until the next morning. After we move next week, it'll be the same at Luke's apartment. You won't leave except for school. You won't even go down to the diner while you're grounded. Do you understand?"

Jeremy could feel silent tears running down his face now. "But, Jess-."

"Jeremy." Jess's voice wasn't angry, but it was as stern as Jeremy had ever heard it before tonight. "If you're about to argue with me over your punishment, I want you to first think very carefully about what you're going to say. Ok?"

Jeremy nodded. "I'm not going to argue with you. I know I deserve to be punished for what I did tonight. Lying, going to New York without asking you, not texting you all night, all of it."

"Good, then we're in agreement."

"Yeah. But, uh…"

"Spit it out, Jeremy. What do you want to say?" Jess sounded impatient and Jeremy started to worry that what he wanted to ask for would set Jess off again.

"I just, uh. I only have like one more week with Melissa, and I, uh….I guess I wanted to know if there's any way my punishment could be postponed until we get to Stars Hollow. Like maybe I could have this week with Melissa and then you could tack on extra time after we move to make up for it. If that's ok."

Jess nodded thoughtfully, and when he spoke, his voice was gentle again. "Let me think about it. I'll give you an answer tomorrow morning. Does that sound fair?"

"Yeah. That's more than fair. Thanks."

Jess patted Jeremy's knee. "All right. What do you say we get ready for bed? It's been a long night."

"Yeah, it has."

As Jess stood up, he leaned forward and cupped the back of Jeremy's head, landing a kiss on top of his hair. "I love you, Jeremy. And I'm glad you're home safe." He turned and started to walk toward the bathroom.

"Hey, Jess."

Jess stopped and turned to face Jeremy who was still sitting on his bed. "Yeah?"

"I love you, too. And, thank you. For everything. For just always being so nice to me. Even tonight, even after I was such a jerk and I don't deserve it."

Jess huffed out a soft laugh. "I don't feel like I was being very nice earlier." Jess made a face. "I was actually kind of a dick. How I was talking to you wasn't ok. I'm sorry for losing it on you like that."

"It's ok. I know you were mad. You had a right to be. I'm just glad you don't hate me."

Jess took the two steps back over to Jeremy and put one hand on his shoulder, squeezing gently. "Hey, don't even think that. I could never hate you."

Jeremy stood up and wrapped his arms around Jess's middle, hugging tightly. He felt Jess's arms circle around him, making him feel safe and loved. He knew there was no way he could ever really convey to Jess what the man had done for him and how grateful he was for him every single day, even when he was in trouble. He knew that a person who had never experienced being truly alone in the world, without anyone who made them feel loved or special, couldn't fully understand the gift that Jess had given him. Jeremy felt Jess rubbing his back softly and resting one hand on the back of his head. Just this alone, something as simple as being forgiven and still wanted after doing something wrong, and finally having someone that he could hug whenever he wanted. This was so much. Jess had no idea.

"Oh, hey, one more thing. I spoke to Ms. Garcia today."

Jeremy pulled back and met Jess's eyes, expectant and nervous. "What did she say about tomorrow?"

Jess smiled warmly and Jeremy knew that no matter what Jess said next, everything was going to be ok. Jess loved him no matter what. Even when he was a total shit like he'd been tonight. He felt like they could get through anything.

"So, tomorrow's a no-go. Apparently, they don't just hand out kids to homeless, unemployed people. Who knew?" Jess shrugged and feigned exaggerated surprise at the idea. Jeremy could tell from Jess's casual attitude that there was a 'but' coming and that everything was going to work out. "But, once you turn eighteen, all bets are off. You can be adopted by anyone you want then."

"Seriously? You can adopt me when I turn eighteen? That's a thing?" Jeremy could feel his cheeks stretching into a grin.

"That it is, my friend." Jess's grin matched his own. "I can adopt the shit out of you at that point. We'll probably need to wait until we get to Connecticut and do it there, but DCFS will have no say in it once you're an adult. You can get adopted by any homeless, jobless loser you want and DCFS won't be able to do anything about it."

He was going to be adopted. It was really going to happen. Jeremy lunged toward Jess, wrapping his arms around him again, squeezing tightly in his excitement, the side of his face pressed against Jess's shoulder. "Thank you so much, Jess."

"It's my pleasure, Jeremy." Jeremy could feel Jess carding a gentle hand through his hair. For a night that had started out scary and terrible, it was ending up one of the best of Jeremy's life. "It's all going to work out, kid. I'm going to be your dad. You're going to be my son." "And, DCFS can suck it."

Jeremy barked out a giddy laugh.

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"Hey. Hey, Jeremy." Jeremy heard Jess whispering his name and felt his hand on his back, gently nudging him into wakefulness. Jeremy let out a soft groan and burrowed deeper into his warm covers, curling up even further on his side, trying to ignore Jess, but the man persisted. The hand patted him twice on the back. "C'mon, Jeremy, it's time to get up." Jess's voice wasn't unkind, but Jeremy still didn't want to hear it. He pulled his pillow over his head, only to have it lifted off of him by his chuckling foster father. "You don't want to be late for school, do you?" Jeremy could hear the amusement in Jess's voice as he felt the pillow collide lightly against his shoulder and head. He groaned. "C'mon! Up and at 'em! Let's go!" Jeremy felt Jess's finger flick against his exposed ear, not hard enough to hurt, but enough to be really annoying. He heard more chuckling, and finally rolled onto his back to face his foster father with bleary eyes. Jess was standing over him with a warm smile on his face, and Jeremy couldn't stay annoyed at him.

"Do you really need to enjoy my misery this much?" Jeremy asked, his voice hoarse from not nearly enough sleep. He felt extra tired this morning.

"Hey, now." Jess's voice was playful. "This is the natural consequence of staying out until three in the morning on a Monday night. You reap what you sow, my friend. If you're looking for sympathy, you sure aren't going to find it here."

The events of the previous night came rushing back to Jeremy then, and he froze. "Oh, god. I forgot about last night. I'm so sorry, Jess."

"I know you are. I think you covered that last night. Or very early this morning to be more accurate."

Jeremy was lost in thought, not sure what to say, when he felt another light flick, this time on the side of his head. He groaned pitifully. "What's with all the flicking? Is that how Luke used to wake you up when you were in trouble?"

Jess smirked. "I never got in trouble with Luke. I was a model child."

Jeremy huffed out a laugh. "Yeah, I'm sure."

"Don't you have anything you want to ask me?"

"Huh?" It hit Jeremy then that whether he got to see Melissa outside of school before they left Philadelphia hinged on what Jess had decided about his punishment. He figured he was safe, that if it was bad news, Jess would have chosen a more serious moment to deliver it. "Oh, yeah. So, what did you decide about me being grounded?" Jeremy felt his face warming slightly at the word. He knew he deserved to be punished, but he still found it embarrassing to talk about.

Jess sat down on the edge of the bed and Jeremy scooted over a little to give him room. "I decided to give you a choice. You can be grounded for two weeks, starting today, so that would cover the rest of our time in Philly plus the first week in Stars Hollow. Or you can wait to start your punishment until we get to Connecticut, but then you'll be grounded for a month instead."

Jeremy didn't need to think it over. He knew he wanted to spend his last week with Melissa before they moved. A month was a long time, but Jeremy was grateful for the reprieve and he wasn't dumb enough to question Jess about it. "Can we do the second option?"

"Yep. Definitely. So, just so we're on the same page, you have one week of freedom, then you'll start being grounded the second we cross the state line into Connecticut next Wednesday, which is the twenty-first. After that, I don't want to see you on your phone or sticking a toe out of the apartment except for school until January twenty-first. Got it?"

Jeremy nodded silently, feeling a little down as the reality of the situation hit him. Being grounded for the first month at his new school didn't sound that bad. It's not like he ever made friends in the first few weeks at a new place anyway. But, it would suck not being able to see Jess's family at all, and it would be extra humiliating having them all know the reason why he wasn't allowed out of the apartment. He had been especially looking forward to spending Christmas with them after having such a good time at their family Thanksgiving. He also wondered if Jess would push back the adoption until after his grounding was over.

"Just to be clear, you will be allowed out if we end up getting your adoption set-up during that month. Ms. Garcia thinks it will take a month to get a court date, but I'm planning to call a lawyer in Connecticut today to try to get the process started. I'll take the earliest date I can get, even if it's while you're still grounded. I want to get this settled as soon as we can."

Jeremy smiled up at Jess, glad to know that Jess felt the adoption was too important to postpone because of his bad behavior.

"And, of course, Luke and everyone want to celebrate your birthday when we get there." Jess's voice was playful now. "So, you can leave the apartment for that, too, I suppose, since it would be pretty weird to celebrate it without you."

Jeremy felt a warm happiness spreading in his chest at the thought of having a forever family to celebrate his birthday with.

"And, I'm pretty sure Luke would kill me if I didn't bring you over to his place for Christmas with everyone. So, I guess I have to let you out for that, too, just for my own safety."

Jeremy watched Jess, taking in the affection in his eyes and the playful smirk on his lips, relieved that the man didn't seem angry with him anymore and that his grounding was going to be pretty gentle as far as punishments went. He knew he had been selfish and thoughtless and that he had messed up really badly and even though he was going to be made to pay for it once they got to Stars Hollow, he was grateful that Jess wasn't holding his misdeed over his head. That he was being genuinely forgiven with love and treated with compassion instead of being shut out or sent away. He was accustomed to relationships being terminated when he made mistakes, or when his attitude or behavior wasn't good enough. Having someone love him even when he'd been a jerk was just one more thing Jess had given him that he had never really believed he would have. It felt so normal, and safe.

Jess laughed at himself and patted Jeremy on the shoulder as he stood up. "Sorry to be such a hardass."

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Jess ran. He had layered his running hoodie over two long sleeve tee shirts, but he could still feel the cold. It was a frigid day and even at eleven o'clock in the morning he didn't necessarily feel safe in the neighborhood surrounding the motel, but he knew he needed the outlet. Last night had reinforced that for him. He still couldn't think about how badly he'd lost it without feeling ashamed of himself. He kept replaying the scene in his head, seeing himself up in Jeremy's face, his expression contorted in rage, banging on the wall like a madman, and Jeremy cowering, scared and tearful, in response. He didn't like the picture. He had honestly believed that he had found his way past his anger issues years ago. He knew he had had the right to be angry with Jeremy last night. Any parent would have been. But, he also knew he had gone too far.

It scared him how similar the interaction had felt to so many of the domestic scenes of his own childhood. Not with Luke. Luke had yelled, but he hadn't tried to intimidate or make Jess feel worthless and small. The handful of times they had really fought, over school and over Jimmy, Jess had been the one to get in Luke's face, never the other way around. Last night had reminded him of the encounters he had had with countless boyfriends and husbands of Liz's, and occasionally with Liz herself when she had been drunk and angry and in need of an outlet of her own. Jess's childhood had been populated with angry, bullying men who had no issue with taking out their frustrations over their own pathetic lives on a scared and helpless child. And last night, Jess had been just like them, his behavior the image of the men who had shaped him. He had stood aggressively close, bearing down on Jeremy, yelling and asking him if he was a moron. The only thing missing had been alcohol on his breath and physical violence. Jess thought about how often his altercations with Liz's partners had ending in him being slapped or pushed down or shoved into a wall. At the very least, he was thankful he hadn't let things escalate to something physical. He was embarrassed by how good it had felt to bash on the wall and scream at his faceless neighbor. He felt shitty enough as it was, but he couldn't imagine how much worse he would feel if he had put his hands on Jeremy. He kept picturing the scene playing out differently, with Jeremy talking back or giving him attitude and Jess just losing it on him, completing his metamorphosis into every angry man from his childhood.

What upset him the most was how so much of the rage he felt last night hadn't been about Jeremy's behavior at all. He had been scared and worried and that fear had shifted into anger once he realized the boy was ok, but Jess recognized that that wasn't the whole story. He knew that the screaming, wall-pounding rage he had unleashed had had as much to do with the fear and stress he harbored about the state of his own life as it did with concern over Jeremy's safety. His rage had been kindling for weeks, under the surface, since the day he lost his job and with it a chunk of his his self-respect, and then his apartment and everything he owned. Jeremy's coming home late had just been the lit match that ignited the crackling explosion and sent Jess over the edge. He needed to be better. He hated all the memories from his own childhood and teenage years that involved being scared or humiliated by grown men who had been in positions to support him and teach him by example, but chose time and again to control him with fear and intimidation instead. He didn't want these memories for Jeremy. They hurt and they never really went away.

Jess ended his run at the entrance to the motel parking lot. He walked toward his room, feeling invigorated and eager to take a hot shower. As he approached his door, he spotted his next door neighbor at hers, a young Latina woman juggling an infant and a shopping bag with a dollar store logo as she searched through her purse for her key card. Jess felt a fresh wave of embarrassment at his behavior from the night before. For some reason he had assumed the wall-pounder had been a man. He was lucky she hadn't called the police. She should have. That's what he would have wanted Charisse to do if she had ever found herself alone in a place like this with an out of control man banging on her wall and yelling at her in the middle of the night. He knew he owed this woman an apology.

He put on his most charming apologetic but friendly smile, even though he was feeling anything but friendly. He needed to do the right thing. He wanted to be someone who naturally did the right thing and he didn't know another way to get there other than practice. "Excuse me!" He called to the woman, keeping his voice pleasant. She turned in his direction and Jess could see how young she really was, early twenties at most. He could also see that he had startled her. "Hi, I just wanted to say-."

"Stay away from us." Jess heard the electronic lock beep in response to her key card and the woman was quickly entering the room and closing the door behind her before he could think of a response. She had seemed more fearful than angry, and that made Jess feel even worse. He wondered whether he should slip a note of apology under her door or just let it go.


	20. Chapter 20 - Jeremy's Birthday

**Chapter 20 Notes** : Thank you guys so much for all the thoughtful and generous reviews. I love hearing what you guys think about the story, what you'd like to see happen, and the parts of the story that you find relatable. It's really motivating and makes me want to spend even more time writing. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

"...Yes….I understand….of course…..we'll head over now….right, no guarantees, understood…..thank you." Jess ended his call and turned toward Jeremy, who had been lying on his bed with a textbook open in front of him while he pretended not to listen to Jess's conversation.

Jeremy looked up at his foster father and took in his serious expression. "What did they say?"

"They said that they were able to stabilize the side of the building furthest from the stairwell. I guess there wasn't as much damage on that side, which is good, right, since that's where your room was." Jeremy watched Jess force a small smile onto his face. "We aren't allowed back in. The stairwell was destroyed, but the firefighters and the insurance inspectors have been able to access all four floors from their ladder and the fire escape. The firefighters are calling everyone in the building to see if there's anything they want them to get from their apartments."

Jeremy nodded, already knowing exactly what he wanted, and wondering how well the shoebox in his closet could possibly have held up to the fire. All his treasures were paper or photos. They seemed so fragile. He wished he had stored them in something metal.

"So, we should head over there now." Jess started pulling on a second hoodie. "Do you know what you want them to look for in your room?" Jeremy sat up on the edge of the bed and started putting on his sneakers.

"Yeah. Um, I have this shoebox of pictures and stuff on the top shelf of my closet. There's a picture of my mom…..., and some pictures of me when I was younger, a couple of letters, stuff like that." Jeremy finished with his sneakers and stood up, trying not to get his hopes up as he looked at Jess. "What do you think the odds are that any of that stuff will be ok?" The pictures were in a ziploc bag inside the shoebox and Jeremy was hoping that had protected them from water damage.

"I have no idea. This is my first fire." Jess gave Jeremy a sad smile, and took a deep breath. Jeremy pulled on his coat, the one he was still borrowing from Jess. He had offered if back to his foster father after the fire, since it was really Jess's coat and now Jess didn't have one, but Jess had told him to keep it. That it looked better on him anyway. "All right. Let's go find out."

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"Ok." Jess watched the firefighter nod seriously as the man listened to Jeremy explain the location of the shoebox and repeat the information back to them for confirmation. "One orange shoebox on the top shelf of the closet in the bedroom on the right side of the hallway. Got it. Anything else I should keep an eye out for while I'm in there?"

Jeremy shook his head. "The shoebox is the only thing I care about."

The man turned to Jess then. "Is there anything you'd like me to try to retrieve for you?"

"Uh, there's this watch that was my uncle's, and my grandfather's before that. It's in the nightstand in the other bedroom, in a small navy blue box." Jess paused, his conscience kicking in at what he was asking this man to do. "But, that's the bedroom next to the stairwell, so I get it if you can't go in there."

The firefighter nodded, his expression solemn. "So far, we've been able to access every room at least once. I'll do my best. We can only be in the building for a short time. If I can only go after one, which item is priority, the watch or the shoebox?"

Jess and Jeremy spoke at the same time, Jess saying "the shoebox" and Jeremy saying "the watch." It came out incoherent. Jess looked at his foster son and smiled, flattered by the boy's concern and what he was willing to sacrifice for him. Jess could see that Jeremy's eyes were damp, which made him appreciate the small smile he got in return even more.

Jess turned back to the firefighter. "The shoebox. Definitely, the shoebox." Jeremy stayed silent.

"Got it." The man nodded. "I should be back down in a few minutes." The firefighter disappeared into the alley on the side of the building where the fire escape was located.

Jess watched as the fire truck parked in the alley started to raise its ladder. He wrapped an arm around Jeremy's shoulders, pulling the boy to his side, partly to comfort the kid and partly for his own warmth. It was cold, and the two hoodies he was wearing weren't cutting it. Jess was running through money fast. The weekly payment he received as unemployment benefits didn't come close to covering the motel room for a week, nevermind food. Jess had already dipped into his savings significantly for the supplies he had bought the day of the fire, and now he was doing it regularly. This didn't feel like the right time to start replacing anything they had lost that wasn't essential to survival or to Jeremy finishing out his semester of school. Even buying a cheap coat for himself felt like too much, especially when he knew Luke would likely have an extra one lying around somewhere that he could borrow by next week. "Sorry, but only parents are allowed to make sacrifices like that." He kissed the side of Jeremy's head, just below where the edge of his knit hat sat on his head. "I appreciate the thought, though. You're not too terrible as far as kids go. I hope you know that."

Jess stared at Jeremy's profile and watched a small smile appear briefly on the boy's face, as his eyes remained focused on the burned out building in front of them. It hit Jess that, unlike him, Jeremy was seeing their former home in its current condition for the first time. Jess remembered how upsetting it had been to watch the apartment burn. "You doing ok, Jeremy?"

"Yeah, I'm all right." Jeremy's voice sounded strained. "I hope they can get your watch."

Jess tightened his one-armed, half-hug around the boy's shoulders, watching his expression carefully. "Thanks. I hope they can get your stuff, too."

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They sat in Jess's Mazda, the heat pumping through the vents, the car unmoved from its parking spot across the street from their old apartment. Jess's watch lay in the cupholder in the console between them. Jeremy held what remained of the orange shoebox in his lap, bent forward, his arms cradling it like it was a baby, as he sobbed. Jess rubbed the boy's back through his peacoat, not knowing what to say to comfort him. He couldn't find words for this. It wasn't ok. Nothing was. Jeremy's mother had been taken from him much too soon and now he had lost the only picture he'd had of her. It wasn't fair and it wasn't ok. The box wasn't charred from flames, but it had melted and shrunk in on itself from proximity to the heat of the fire. The papers inside had done the same, resulting in an indecipherable mess. The handful of pictures had melted into a multi-colored and indistinguishable glob, fused as one to the plastic of the ziploc bag they had been stored in. Jess watched helplessly as Jeremy sobbed, and felt his own heart breaking for the boy. It wasn't right that Jeremy's life had to be so hard. Having one memento of your deceased mother to hold onto didn't seem like too much to ask.

"I'm so sorry, Jeremy. I'm so sorry." Jess felt his eyes growing damp as he watched the boy sob out his grief. He felt powerless, and that made him feel scared and awful. He scooted closer in his seat to Jeremy and pulled the boy to him, contorting his own body so he could hold Jeremy tightly against his chest in the awkward space, listening to Jeremy cry like his heart was breaking. "I'm so sorry."

Jeremy gulped noisily as he cried. Jess felt the boy clutch onto a handful of the side of his hoodie as he held him. He put a hand on the back of the boy's head, holding him tightly, rocking him back and forth a little, doing anything he could think of to offer him comfort. "I've got you, Jeremy. I've got you." Jess couldn't tell Jeremy it was ok, because it wasn't, but he needed to say something. "I'm here. You're not alone. I've got you."

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Jess had to pick Jeremy up from school in a little over an hour. He was at Target trying to pick out clothes for Jeremy's birthday present for Monday. He knew it was a lame ripoff of a birthday present since clothes was something that he should be providing for Jeremy anyway. A good parent would be able to buy Jeremy a brand new wardrobe to replace what he had lost in the fire _and_ come up with something cool and memorable for his birthday present. Jeremy was still wearing the same pair of jeans he had had on at school the day of the fire along with the handful of shirts Jess had picked up at Goodwill. Just because the kid wasn't complaining didn't mean he didn't deserve more.

Jeremy's birthday was going to be nothing like what Jess had wanted for him. Before his termination from Truncheon and the fire, he hadn't really given much thought to what exactly he would buy Jeremy for his birthday, but in his mental image of the day, Jess had thought of something special and perfect. Something that would have left Jeremy feeling touched at Jess's caring and thoughtfulness. Then Jess would have taken Jeremy somewhere nice for dinner to show him how special he thought his birthday was. It would have been Jeremy's first fine dining experience and they would have eaten expensive vegetarian dishes that were so fancy and complicated that they required an explanation from the server. They would have made a meaningful memory of Jeremy's first birthday with Jess. Jess had become attached to that idea.

Instead, Jess had no money for a birthday dinner at the kind of place he had wanted to take Jeremy. He had thought about splurging on it anyway. It was Friday and he was going to be living rent-free in Stars Hollow by Wednesday. One fancy dinner he couldn't really afford wasn't going to do any real damage at this point. But, he knew it would be awkward now, and it would probably make Jeremy feel guilty about Jess spending the money on him. Jeremy wasn't the kind of kid who could take something and enjoy it if he worried it was more than Jess could afford to give. And this time, Jeremy would have been right. So, instead Jess was picking out a sweater at Target. A really ugly sweater. He sighed as he refolded the garment in his hands and set it back down on the pile on the table.

And to top it off, Jeremy had asked if he could spend Monday night with Melissa. She wanted to take him out for his birthday. Jess had been hurt and disappointed, but he had done his best to not let it show. He had resigned himself to taking Jeremy somewhere relatively cheap for dinner on Sunday night instead. He knew Luke was planning something for when they were back in Stars Hollow and he was hoping that would make it up to Jeremy for how little fanfare Jess was able to provide for the occasion. Jeremy should be with Melissa on his birthday. It made more sense. She lived in a nice house in a good part of town. Her mother was so important at her job that she routinely traveled all over the world. Melissa could probably afford to do something nice for Jeremy. And spending his birthday with Melissa would make the whole thing more special for the boy anyway. Jess got that. He really did. He was in favor of anything that made Jeremy happy, especially after the heartbreak of losing his mom's picture. And, if he was being honest, he would have preferred to have spent his own eighteenth birthday with Rory over Luke. As it happened, Rory had been in D.C. and hadn't even been his girlfriend yet the summer he turned eighteen. Luke had wanted to take him to Bud and Maisy's restaurant for dinner. Jess had bowed out of an awkward birthday with Luke by telling him he had birthday plans with Shane, who he had spent the evening with, but without telling her it was his birthday. So, he got it, really. It was normal. But, it still hurt.

Jess had faked a smile and told Jeremy that of course he could spend his birthday with Melissa if that's what he wanted. That he got it. It was his last few days with Melissa. He and Jeremy would have lots of other birthdays to celebrate together. But, now he reflected on how accurate that statement really was. Jeremy would be gone next year, away at one of the Pennsylvania colleges he applied to, making new friends, and possibly dating a new girl. Who's to say he would want to come home from school to spend his birthday with Jess, especially when they weren't even setting the precedent of spending it together this year, when they actually lived together. After college, Jeremy could move even further away. Or get a serious girlfriend and just like that, his birthday would go from a family event to a romantic, candle-lit dinner occasion. This might be Jess's only chance to celebrate Jeremy's birthday with him, and it was shaping up to be a great big steaming pile of shit. Nothing like what he wanted it to be. The thought of his future hit Jess hard. He pictured himself next year, still stuck in Stars Hollow, with no real career, working two or three shitty jobs and still living above the diner so he could afford to pay college tuition for Jeremy, who lived out of state and rarely called and visited. The image flooded Jess with a panic so intense that it was momentarily hard to breathe. He felt the now familiar frantic pulsing of stress in his head. The overwhelming feeling that he had nothing, that everything in his life had been thrown irrevocably off course, and the panic that he was running out of time to make it right. He couldn't let himself think about this now, the pathetic state of his life. He couldn't afford to get immobilized with fear and anxiety. He needed to keep moving forward, and right now moving forward meant picking out a nice sweater and maybe some extra socks and underwear.

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Jess ended up taking Jeremy to an Indian restaurant on Sunday night. There were lots of vegetarian options, it was reasonably priced, and Jess still got to introduce Jeremy to something he had never experienced and explain the various dishes to him. They had started with vegetable samosas and pakora and were now sharing chana masala and saag paneer over basmati rice. It was a small, uncrowded restaurant, and Jess was enjoying himself. He thought back to their first meal out together at the Vietnamese place by their old apartment when Jeremy had only been with him for a few days. He remembered how stilted the conversation had been and how the meal had had an awkward first date feel to it. Tonight felt comfortable and intimate, and the comparison reminded Jess of how much they had grown in their relationship together. He was proud of that. They were family now, regardless of who Jeremy chose to spend his actual birthday with.

"So, what does Melissa have planned for your birthday? Have you figured out what her big surprise is yet?" Jess asked as he watched the boy use a piece of naan to sop up sauce from his chana masala. He took in the instant smile that appeared on the boy's face at the mention of Melissa's name, and he knew he had made the right decision about not begrudging Jeremy tomorrow night with his girlfriend. The boy had spent most of the weekend with Melissa, under the guise of studying for the finals they still had to take during this next, short week of school. Jeremy had explained to Jess that they needed extra study time on the weekend to prepare for the exams they had on both Monday and Tuesday, so that they would be free to do other stuff on the night of his actual birthday. But, Jeremy had come home early today to go to dinner with Jess and he appreciated that.

Jeremy looked up at Jess. "No. I'm not sure what it is. But, I know we're going to this tapas restaurant that she likes for dinner. I had to google tapas. I wasn't sure what it was and I didn't want to look like a doofus." Jeremy laughed lightly at himself and it made Jess smile. "I guess the surprise is after that. She says she wants to share something special with me before I leave." Jeremy shrugged, nonchalantly. "I'm sure whatever it is will be fun."

Jess paused in stabbing a chunk of paneer with his fork and quirked an eyebrow at the boy. He had naively assumed that the surprise would be a fancy restaurant. He now had the feeling that Melissa's surprise wasn't something she would have wanted Jeremy to tell him about. "Uh, yeah, I'm sure it will be."

"What?" Jess couldn't tell if Jeremy was being equally naive or just secretive, regretting that he had told Jess about the surprise once the light had dawned on him, too.

"Nothing." Jess kept his expression neutral, not wanting to embarrass the boy. "I'm just wondering if you've got protection, or if we should stop at a drugstore on the way home."

Jeremy's cheeks flushed pink. "Oh, uh, I uh, no. I don't think it's that. Uh, we really, um…"

Jess cut the boy off to put him out of his misery. "Have you guys done anything that, uh." He paused to decide how to word it. "Required protection before?" Jess realized he should have brought this up sooner. They were teenagers and they spent a lot of time at Melissa's house with no adult supervision. He had the disappointing feeling that once again he had been remiss as a parent.

Jeremy averted his eyes from Jess, staring past his shoulder. "Uh, no. We haven't. And we haven't really talked about it very much." Jeremy's blush was deepening, but he brought his eyes back to Jess. "One time, early on, she said that she wasn't looking for a sexual relationship right now. That she's had sex before, but she didn't like how it can change a relationship. She says she's waiting until she gets to college for her next sexual relationship. Not that I was pressuring her or anything. I totally wasn't." Jeremy rushed to add. "She just kind of threw that out there so that I would know what she was thinking."

"Ok." Jess nodded. "Well, that seems reasonable. She seems like she's got a good head on her shoulders."

"Yeah. She does." Jeremy stuck a forkful of chickpeas and rice in his mouth and chewed so slowly and methodically that Jess wondered whether it was a defense mechanism that the boy believed would get him out of having this conversation.

"But, sometimes people change their minds about things. And I just want to make sure you have what you need in case she's thinking differently about it now. I think we should pick up condoms on the way home, so you'll have them, just in case."

"I don't know…..I don't think I'll need them. And buying them before she's even brought it up feels kind of…..presumptuous, doesn't it?"

"Oh, c'mon, Jeremy. She has this big surprise planned for you _after_ dinner. I've been there and gotten that birthday surprise myself and trust me, it's usually something that requires a condom." Jess had never had sex with a new partner for the first time on his birthday, but every birthday he had celebrated with a girlfriend in his adult life had ended with something extra fun and creative happening in the bedroom.

Jeremy smiled at that. The boy's color was returning to normal, so Jess felt like they were making progress. "I don't know. I don't think she'd spring it on me like that." Jeremy looked thoughtful. "I mean, she's really into affirmative consent and stuff. Like, if she built it up as this big surprise, it would almost be like she was forcing it on me because I would feel uncomfortable saying no, and I don't think she would do that. I think she respects me too much to do that."

Jess could tell he was staring with an incredulous expression on his face. Jeremy laughed. "What?"

"Nothing. Just thinking about how different your generation is."

"Like, bad different?" Jeremy asked.

"No, it sounds like it's good different." Jess paused, still not completely sure that he bought into everything Jeremy was telling him. He still wanted to go by the drugstore on the way home. He had stopped carrying a condom in his wallet when he had become serious with Charisse, and the remainder of their supply in his nightstand had been lost with everything else he owned during the fire. "Would you be willing to humor me anyway and carry a condom with you tomorrow night? You can keep it in your wallet behind your license. Melissa doesn't ever need to know it's there, unless it's needed. Just in case something unexpected happens. I get what you're saying, that she wouldn't back you into a corner by making it your birthday present, but sometimes things happen unexpectedly and I want to make sure you're safe."

Jeremy nodded. "Ok. I guess I can put one in my wallet, if you really want me to. I honestly don't think anything like that will happen, but if it makes you feel better, we can go get some."

"Thank you, Jeremy. I appreciate that. It's not that I don't believe you. I just think it's good to be prepared. It will make me feel better." Jess grinned. "It's nothing against you or Melissa. I just feel that I'm too young and handsome to be a grandpa."

Jeremy huffed out a quiet laugh even as he blushed. "Ok. You win. Can we please talk about something else now?"

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The had stopped at the drugstore on the way back to the motel and picked up condoms. They had also stopped by a bakery and bought two pieces of cake. Jess had taken Winston out for a quick bathroom break when they got back to the motel and used that time to retrieve Jeremy's presents from the trunk of his car. The good thing about having a kid with a December birthday was that the gift-wrappers were out in full force at the mall. It had seemed like a good deal when Jess had realized all the basics, like wrapping paper, ribbon, tape and scissors, that he would need to buy to do it himself. He had presented the two packages to Jeremy with the caveat that it wasn't much and that he would buy him so much more once he got a new job in Connecticut. He had felt terrible making that promise. It had reminded him of all the worthless promises Liz had made to him when he was a kid, only to let him down later. He fully intended to keep his, but he recognized that Jeremy didn't have any way of really knowing that, other than just trusting him. He hoped he had proven himself enough at this point to have garnered that trust from Jeremy, but he also knew it only took a couple of unfulfilled promises to lose it entirely. Jeremy had smiled gratefully, saying Jess didn't need to get him anything. He had unwrapped each box, grinning at its contents, telling Jess how much he liked or needed every item he received, which totaled two sweaters, two long sleeve thermal tee-shirts, a package of sport socks and a few pairs of boxers. Jess had crammed a few things into each box so he could pay less for wrapping. Jeremy had given Jess a hug and thanked him before carefully refolding his new clothes and adding them to the dresser drawers where he stored his meager wardrobe. Jess couldn't help but wonder if Jeremy was just hiding his disappointment better than he could have at his age, or if he honestly had no resentment over his birthday presents. Jess had wanted to do so much better.

They had changed into their sleep clothes and settled in for cake and television, each sitting with a pillow behind him, propped against the headboard of his own bed, eating cake out of a plastic single-serving container, with Winston curled up on the floor in the narrow space between them.

Jess turned to Jeremy during a commercial. "Hey Jeremy, I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for not being able to buy you something more for your birthday. I know it's lame that your present didn't even make a dent in replacing the stuff you lost in the fire….When I get a new job, I'm going to replace everything else. I promise."

Jeremy was looking at him in surprise. Jess watched the boy finish chewing his mouthful of cake, his surprise visibly shifting to confusion. "What are you talking about? I like my presents. It's all stuff I needed, and it's all nice stuff." The boy smiled at Jess. "Thank you for everything, really."

Jess sighed. "I guess I just had really high expectations for your first birthday with me, and your first Christmas. I wanted them to be really special for you, and memorable. And then I lost my job, and then the apartment and all our stuff…" Jess realized he should probably stop. He had given Jeremy a shitty birthday, but it occurred to him that he might only be making it worse by pointing it out.

The smiled slowly faded from Jeremy's face and Jess looked down for a moment, ashamed and kicking himself. He shouldn't have started this. He had definitely made things worse. He had made Jeremy's birthday all about him.

"I can't remember any birthdays before my mom died." When Jess looked up, Jeremy's expression was serious. "But, out of all the ones I can remember, maybe from age six or seven and up, this is the best one I've ever had. Because I'm here with you and Winston. You're letting me see Melissa tomorrow. We're going to be in Stars Hollow with your family by Wednesday." Jeremy broke eye contact and gazed off toward the television, where a woman was talking about laundry detergent. "I have people who care about me." His voice became quiet. "I'm not lonely and feeling like something's missing, like I usually am on my birthday." Jeremy turned back toward Jess and took a deep breath. "I appreciate what you did for me tonight. The presents, dinner, hanging out with me like this. This has been a great birthday." He paused. "I know you think that I just tell you what you want to hear sometimes, but I really mean that."

"Ok." Jess tried to smile at his foster son, still feeling like an ass for bringing this us. "I'm glad you feel that way."

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Jess." Jeremy grinned. "You're not too terrible, either, as far as dads go. I hope you know that."

Jess huffed out a quiet laugh and they both turned back to the movie. Maybe tonight hadn't been a complete failure after all.

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On Monday night, Jess drove over to Melissa's to pick up Jeremy, thinking as he usually did whenever he was alone, about the sad state of his life. He was feeling particularly sorry for himself tonight at the idea that his teenage kid had likely had sex tonight when Jess himself had no prospects in that department. He thought about how long it had been for him, which led to thinking about Charisse. He got to remembering his first time with her and some of the better times they had had over the four years they were together, and it left him in a funk.

He texted Jeremy that he had arrived and a few minutes later the boy was getting into the car wearing the biggest, goofiest grin Jess had ever seen on his face. He'd had sex. Jess knew it. No guy Jeremy's age grinned like that much of an idiot over anything else. Jess wasn't sure how he felt about Jeremy being sexually active, but he was glad to see him this happy. Jess thought about the volatility of teenage emotions, and how a few days ago the boy had been broken hearted over the picture of his mother and now he was over the moon because he'd had sex with his girlfriend. Jess could still remember when his own world had been bright and colorful with hope and despair feeling like real things, before the landscape had dulled and the intense, electrically-charged emotions of his youth had been supplanted with the more adult reactions of anxiety and acceptance.

"I take it your night went well." Jess pulled the car away from the curb and headed home.

"It was amazing! I had such a good time!" Jeremy's response was so authentically happy and enthusiastic that it made Jess's heart hurt with the thought of all the romantic relationships he had lost in his own life and all the relationships Jeremy was bound to lose in his.

"And, the…..surprise was good?" He didn't want to pry. He had already decided he would peek in Jeremy's wallet when the kid was showering the next morning to check whether the condom was still there. He wouldn't bring it up to Jeremy either way, but he wanted to know where Jeremy was at with sex so that he could be more useful in helping him with his future decisions. He thought that sounded like a reasonable parent thing, but he could also admit that part of him was just interested and selfishly wanted to know as much about his son's life as possible, while they still lived together and he could.

"Yeah, that was the best part! It was so fun! But, at the same time, it was a lot more work than I expected. I'd never done it before, but it turns out Melissa has done it a lot of times. She was really good at it! And she made me feel really comfortable, even though I didn't really know what I was doing."

Jess was a little taken aback to see his normally bashful kid being this open about something so personal. But, he figured that maybe Jeremy needed to talk to someone and it's not like the boy had any real friends other than Melissa. "No one feels like they're good at it the first time." Jess tried to sound convincing and reassuring, even though he was feeling kind of rattled. "I'm sure you were better than you think."

"I don't know about that. I was pretty awkward. Especially at the beginning. I feel like I was just flailing around a lot. I kept losing my balance. I even fell once and took Melissa down with me. I landed right on top of her. It was really embarrassing and I was afraid I'd hurt her, but she was really cool about it. She said it happens sometimes, you know, when you're new at it."

Jess cast a worried glance at Jeremy and the boy shrugged at him from the passenger seat. "And, Melissa's a real pro at it. She has lots of experience and she can do some really cool tricks, so I have to believe her, right? And she was able to help me a lot, like guide me around and give me pointers and stuff. That helped."

"Ok." Jess was starting to feel uncomfortable. He wanted Jeremy to feel comfortable talking to him about sex in terms of when to start having it or how to protect himself or even about the premature emotional attachment it can create in a relationship, but he hadn't expected the conversation to get this explicit. "I'm not sure if I really need this level of detail-"

"Oh!" Jeremy carried on as if Jess hadn't said anything. "And, don't worry, I used the protection you gave me. I wore a glove." He giggled once. "Melissa did, too."

Jess was concerned. "Are you talking about a female condom?" Jess had never been with a woman who had used one, had never really heard anyone talk about using one, or seen one in real life. But, he knew enough to know you weren't supposed to use one in conjunction with a regular condom due to risks of friction and slippage. "Jeremy, you can't use both condoms at the same time. It doesn't work like that!"

Jess shot a quick glance at Jeremy and saw the boy looking mischievous as he tried to hold in his mirth for a moment before he burst out laughing at the expression on Jess's face.

"I'm talking about a glove glove." Jeremy spoke through his laughter and held up his hands in warm knitted gloves and wiggled his navy blue fingers around in Jess's direction. "Get your mind out of the gutter, Jess." Jeremy laughed again. "My surprise was ice skating at that outdoor rink downtown. It was perfect, like something out of a movie. Between this night and last night and getting to have you as my dad, this has definitely been the best birthday of my life. We only got back to Melissa's place about twenty minutes ago. So, there was no surprise after the surprise, if that was going to be your next question."

Jess huffed out a laugh as his worry faded away. "You're such a little shit. I can't believe you just did that." Jess's voice held no real heat. He chuckled. "When you said you kept losing your balance and fell on her, I was starting to worry you had some kind of special needs situation going on that I wasn't aware of."

Jeremy laughed again. "That was awesome! The look on your face was great!"

"Why would you do a thing like that to me?" Jess was smiling even as he tried to play the victim. It wasn't like he couldn't see the humor in the situation.

"It was Melissa's idea. I told her about what we talked about last night and how worried you were and she thought it would be really funny. She thinks it's weird how your generation is so obsessed with sex. Like, how you guys think people of the opposite sex can't have meaningful romantic relationships without it."

"Huh. Melissa sounds lovely."

Jeremy laughed again. "She is. She's awesome. I think you guys would really like each other."

Jess shot another quick glance at Jeremy and took in the boy's pure happiness. He loved seeing him this happy, even if it was at his own expense. He remembered how shy and eager to please Jeremy had been when he had first come to live with him, always afraid of asking for what he wanted and worried about accidentally making Jess angry. Jess took any instance of Jeremy messing with him as proof that the boy felt secure in their relationship. Messing with your parents was normal. Jess thought about how much he had teased Luke about everything from his flannel shirts to his lack of a social life when he had been a teenager.

Jess felt Jeremy pat him on the shoulder. "And, just so you know, Jess." Jeremy's voice was exaggeratedly condescending. "I took everything you said last night to heart. And I want you to know that I wore a condom the entire time we were ice skating. Just in case." Jeremy burst out laughing again, and the sound made Jess smile.

Jess kept his eyes on the road. "Wow. It's like that, huh? Hmmm…...I really wish I believed in beating kids right about now." Jess listened as Jeremy laughed harder.

"Oh, crap!" Jeremy put his gloved hand to his forehead. "I totally forgot to say that at one point Melissa used to do it with a group!"

Jess snorted. "Keep working on your act there, funny guy."

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The next morning, Jess listened to the water running in the bathroom while Jeremy showered. He sat on the bed looking at the boy's wallet on the nightstand. Winston sat on the floor in front of him, eyes alert, watching Jess watch the wallet. After a few minutes of internal debate, Jess turned to Winston and rubbed the dog's head. "Fine, you win, boy. Why do you always take his side, huh?" In the end, Jess figured that Jeremy deserved some privacy, and that it didn't really matter one way or the other if Jeremy had had sex with Melissa. He was a good kid, a great kid, either way, and at the end of the day, that was all that really mattered.

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Tuesday night found Jess sitting on a barstool at a small table at a place called Murray's down the street from Truncheon. He was with Chris and Matthew. The bar had been their regular spot to grab beers after work when they were getting Truncheon up and running. They had been trying to get together for the past week before they left Philly and went their separate ways, and this was the first night they had all been free. Chris and Matthew had been busy packing up Truncheon and planning the move. And they both had partners and young children to take care of and spend time with, and family in town, parents and siblings, that they needed to make the rounds with, saying their goodbyes before they left. Jess knew that he ranked lower on their list of priorities than they did on his. It wasn't their fault. Jess just had an abnormally short list of people that mattered to him. He was glad they had been able to meet up, though. It wouldn't have felt right to leave Philly without this.

He had just finished filling them in on the details of the fire and the plan to regroup in Stars Hollow. It was hard for Jess to take the reactions on their faces. Sympathy was what you gave to a man with a career and a partner whose apartment happened to burn down. Jess knew his situation called for pity more than anything.

Chris spoke first. "I'm really sorry, Jess. That sounds really tough. I'm glad to see that Jeremy's handling everything ok, though."

"Yeah, me too." Jess huffed out a soft laugh. "I think he's handling things better than I am most days. It's all been pretty….stressful." Jess watched Chris and Matthew exchage a quick look, and he immediately felt his new status. They were still a team. He was on the outside now, alone.

"I'm sorry that you guys lost all your stuff, but I think being in Stars Hollow could be good for you guys. I'm kind of jealous of Jeremy. I wish I could have grown up in Stars Hollow." Jess had taken Chris and Matthew to Stars Hollow for a long weekend at Matthew's urging back when they were in their mid-twenties and unattached. And Matthew had loved it, idealizing it in his mind and bringing it up often over the years, telling Jess that he wanted to go back, but their schedules and relationships never working out to allow another trip.

"Jeremy's eighteen." Jess said. "He's already grown up. He'll finish out his senior year and be back out here for college in the fall. I think you might be overestimating the impact that that town could have on his life in such a short time."

"Still, I think he'll enjoy it." Matthew said. "You always undersell it. It's so cute and cozy and safe there, and filled with juicy small-town drama. It's like a PG-rated version of Peyton Place."

"Matthew and his love affair with Stars Hollow." Chris shook his head. "It will never die."

"It was the cutest place I've ever been. A modern-day Mayberry. Remember that older gentleman with the clipboard who kept ordering everyone around at the festival you took us to?"

Jess laughed. "That would be Taylor. His charm was always lost on me."

"And the blank-faced town simpleton who was always hurrying after him and doing his bidding?"

Chris smiled at that. "Yeah, that guy was a riot."

"Oh, man, I forgot about your name for Kirk!" Jess laughed. "I'm going to be thinking 'blank-faced town simpleton' and cracking up every time I run into him now!"

"And those two fiesty older ladies? Remember how the blond one hated you and when I asked why, you explained it was related to a gnome you stole during your misspent youth?"

"Oh, jeez!" Jess grimaced. "Why does that gnome always come up!"

Chris laughed. "I just remember the brunette grabbing my ass."

Jess snorted. "Oh, man, I forgot about that! I'll have to warn Jeremy about her."

Chris turned to Matthew. "How do you remember all this stuff?"

"Hey, c'mon." Matthew defended himself. "How many gnome stories do we get in Philly? When I hear a good small-town, gnome story, I remember it. Jess used to steal gnomes. That practically makes him Dennis the Menace!" Matthew paused with his beer glass almost to his lips. "Oh! And, remember that one time we walked around town and we kept coming across ex-girlfriends of Jess's every five minutes?"

Jess laughed. "I only dated two girls there, ever. We just happened to walk by each of them like two or three times that day. It was pretty ridiculous. I don't know why you liked that so much, if I remember correctly, they both just gave me dirty looks every time."

"No way! The blond totally shoved you! Even I remember that. She hated you! It was awesome." Chris laughed at the embarrassing memory of Shane side-eyeing Jess until they had almost crossed paths for the third time, Jess smiling tentatively at her to make things less awkward, and her reaching out and pushing him in the shoulder at the last minute, muttering 'asshole' under her breath as Jess stumbled and she walked past.

"Yeah, Shane was…...spirited." Jess agreed.

"See?" Matthew turned to Chris. "You enjoyed Stars Hollow, too? You just don't like to admit it."

"It's a cute town. I can admit that. I just remember being the only black person we saw when we were there. And, all these white people kept coming up to me all weekend, asking if I was related to some guy named Michele. Then, when we finally run into this Michele character, not only does the guy bear no resemblance to me whatsoever, he's fucking French!" Chris paused to accommodate Jess and Matthew's laughter. "I'll just say the experience gave me pause about ever leaving the city for a small, white town so matter how cute the cobblestone streets and little town gazebo are."

Jess laughed. "Fair enough."

"No, not fair enough." Matthew protested. "Charisse is black and she always agreed with me about loving Stars Hollow."

Chris shook his head, smiling. "Charisse grew up in Baltimore. She's just happy any place she's not getting shot at."

Hearing them refer to Charisse in the present tense hit Jess hard, since she had become someone solely in the past for him. He had met Charisse through Chris's girlfriend, Kim, and it made sense that if Charisse was back in Philly, she would still have contact with Kim and by extension Chris and possibly Matthew. He wanted to ask if she was back in town, but he didn't want to ruin the mood. He took another sip of beer. It was clear to him that Chris and Matthew had made a plan to keep things light tonight. There had been very little talk of Truncheon or their move to New York, other than a few comments focused on the actual hassle of the moving process when Jess had asked about it. He also wanted to ask about whether Rory's book would still be published by Truncheon, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know that her book had made the cut to stay with the company when he hadn't.

An hour later, they parted ways outside the bar, Jess heading to his car and Chris and Matthew walking back to their apartments. They left each other with hugs and smiles, a few tears on Matthew's part, and promises to stay in touch. As Jess walked back to his car alone, he felt maudlin at all he was losing. He believed they would keep in touch, but he wondered what that would look like. A visit or two to New York or Connecticut in the next few years. A handful of calls. Some random group texting. Then a petering out of contact. He felt like this was the end of an era in his life. He may never have friends in his everyday life that he was as close to again. He may never have a career where he did something he cared about this much again. He may never live anywhere else that would feel like home the way Philly had. Even what he had gained was making him sad. He had Jeremy and he was grateful to have the boy in his life, but the situation wasn't exactly normal there either. Chris and Matthew still had raising their children to look forward to. Jess's child raising era was ending, too, even though it had barely begun. He had just gotten a kid a few months ago, and he would be losing him to college and his own independent adult life in a few more. Jess knew better than to expect life to be fair, but he couldn't seem to pull himself out of his self-pitying mood. He needed to get his shit together before he went home to Jeremy.


	21. Chapter 21 - Leaving Philly

**Chapter 21 Notes:** Thanks so much to all the readers and the incredibly kind and generous reviewers who are still following this story. I didn't expect A Hard Knock Life to go on as long as it has, and I'm very flattered that people are still with me. :) I have a few more story ideas to cover in Stars Hollow, too, so I'm not sure how long it will end up. The boys are heading off to Stars Hollow in this chapter and the next one will start off there.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jess surveyed the motel room with mixed feelings. He was glad that they'd be out of this dump in a few hours. He hated making Jeremy live in a motel room, in an unsafe neighborhood, without any real privacy or home cooked meals. The whole experience gave him unwelcome flashbacks to the few times in his childhood that he and Liz had been 'between apartments' and resorted to long term stays in motel. He was grateful that they would be in Luke's apartment by the end of the day. In a real home, where he could cook dinner for Jeremy and do the laundry whenever he wanted, without having to spend two hours in a sketchy laundromat. But, at the same time, he recognized that this room, as pathetic as it was, might be the last place he would live on his own dime, supporting himself like an adult, possibly for a long while. And as sad as their situation was right now, Jess wasn't dependent on anyone else. Jess knew that being able to live rent-free at Luke's was a gift he should grateful for, and he was, knowing that not everyone had the luxury to fall back on family like he did. Thinking about how alone Jeremy would be right now if he and Jess hadn't found each other impressed that upon him everyday. But, it still felt like he had failed at life and was crawling back home to try to put his life back together again. The motel room was bleak and terrible in its own way, but it had felt like a temporary way station. Moving back to Stars Hollow felt more like defeat.

After Jess had dropped Jeremy off at school for a short day to take his last two exams, Jess had come back to the motel and packed their things. It had taken about five minutes. He had kept the brown paper bags from his last couple of trips to the grocery store and filled two with the few pieces of clothes they owned that they weren't currently wearing. Another bag held Winston's food, treats and poop bags along with other things that Jess didn't want to waste, like the half full package of napkins, the leftover plastic utensils, the unfinished jar of peanut butter, and a couple of cans of chili that they never got to. The fourth bag contained their toiletries and the one replacement phone charger that they were currently sharing. And that was it. All their worldly possessions in the form of four shopping bags and one dog bed that Jess would carry out to the car and lay in the backseat for Winston. Jeremy had his laptop and backpack with him at school and Jess had been wearing the watch Luke gave him since the day it had been recovered from the apartment, feeling anxiety at the idea of taking it off and leaving it lying around. Jess thought about how Jeremy had arrived at his apartment all those months ago. He remembered being sad at the idea that everything Jeremy owned had fit into one half-full grey trash bag. And it horrified him to think that the boy owned even less now.

Jess was ready to hit the road, but he still had three hours to kill before he could pick up Jeremy from his exams. He didn't want to load the car before they were ready to leave. He didn't trust this neighborhood. They didn't have much, but he knew it would really send him over the edge if someone broke into his car and stole the little they had left. He crouched down in front of Winston, running his hand down the dog's back. "What do you think, little guy? You ready to get out of this place?" The dog cocked his head to one side at Jess's voice. "You think you're going to like living in Stars Hollow? You can hang out with your cousin, Paul Anka. Won't that be fun?" Jess's phone buzzed on the table, and he gave Winston one last pat. "Excuse me for a minute, boy." He got up quickly and grabbed for his phone, hoping it was Jeremy's social worker, or former social worker now that he was eighteen he supposed, returning his call from Monday. He looked at the screen and sighed. Luke.

"Hey, Luke." Jess put on a cheerful voice for his uncle, so the man wouldn't worry about him. "How's it going? You ready to have two free-loading moochers moving in? Three if you count the little furball."

Luke laughed, and Jess knew his uncle didn't need to fake his good mood. Even when things were shitty, Jess liked knowing how happy Luke always was to talk to him. It was no small thing to have someone who loved him and always made him feel wanted. He hoped he made Jeremy feel like this. "I'm definitely ready! I'm excited for you guys to get here."

"Well, that makes one of us!" Jess said with exaggerated enthusiasm.

Luke chuckled. "I know you don't want to be moving back here, Jess. I do realize that. And, I'm sorry for everything that's happened to get you to this point. But, I'm still looking forward to having you guys here. I think it will be good for Jeremy to get to spend some time around the rest of his family before he heads off to college in the fall. I think it will be good for all of us." Jess felt the frenetic thrumming in his mind pushing itself to the forefront of his attention at the mention of college, knowing his life would only get emptier when he lost Jeremy and that as of right now, he had no way to pay for college. "I'm really looking forward to getting to spend more time with my great-nephew. I know Stars Hollow might seem boring to him once he gets settled in because he's used to the city and everything, but I've been making a list of all these things we can do together as a family. Did you know they opened a bowling alley in Woodbury a couple of years ago? Everyone likes bowling, right? Then there's the tree lighting ceremony in the town square, and the winter carnival in January. And, Rory is already talking about wanting to take Leelee to some of the art museums in Hartford in the next few months. She's been reading all this stuff online about how babies need to start looking at art early to help their brains form and make them smarter or something, I don't know, she can explain it better. But, she thought Jeremy might like to do that with us. Oh, and you have to let me know what he wants for Christmas-"

"Luke."

"I already got him a birthday present, but now I'm out of ideas, so I'm going to need your help for Christmas-."

"Luke!" Jess cut in more firmly, knowing it could be difficult to stop Luke when he got fixated on something.

"What? What's the matter?"

"Jeremy isn't going to be able to do those things. At least not for the first month that he's in Stars Hollow, anyway. After that, you can drag him all over Connecticut if he wants to go."

"What are you talking about? Is he ok? Is he sick?" Jess could hear the concern in Luke's voice and it felt comforting and exhausting at the same time.

"He's fine. He's grounded for a month, starting today. But, otherwise he's fine." Jess was starting to feel self-conscious about Jeremy's punishment. The boy's month sentence felt longer now that he'd told someone else. He didn't want Luke, who had never actually punished him for any of his own teenage transgressions, to think he was being too hard on Jeremy. He tried to remind himself that it had been Jeremy's choice.

"Grounded? What do you mean?" Luke sounded genuinely confused. "Jeremy's such a good kid. Why would you ground him?"

Jess felt himself getting defensive that Luke was taking Jeremy's side without knowing any of the facts. "Oh, gee, I don't know. Maybe because he went to New York with his girlfriend without telling me last Monday and didn't come home until three a.m. And, in case you're wondering, no, three a.m. is not his curfew."

Luke was quiet for a moment. "Oh, wow. He went to New York without telling you? Why would he do a thing like that?"

"Well, his official reason was because he thought I would say no if he asked me."

"I meant, why did he go to New York?"

"He went to New York with Melissa to see her sister's band play. Then when he got home at three a.m., have I mentioned the three a.m. part yet, he had the nerve to tell me he had been at her house all night. He claimed they fell asleep watching a movie, which I knew was a load of shit because I'd gone over there to pick him up at ten, his actual curfew, and no one was home."

"Oh, jeez. I can't believe he lied on top of everything." Luke sounded so disappointed that Jess was starting to feel bad for giving him the details.

"Yeah. It sucked." Jess considered telling Luke about their confrontation in the motel room when Jeremy had come home, but he was too ashamed of his behavior to feel comfortable sharing that. He knew that Luke's disappointment would be redirected at him if he knew how Jess had yelled at Jeremy and gotten up in his face like he had, and he wasn't sure he could take that right now. He already felt so stressed today. He didn't need guilt piled on top of that. "And, I wasn't going to ground him for that long, but he asked if we could postpone his punishment until we left Philly so that he could spend his last few days here with Melissa, so I gave him the choice, two weeks starting last week or a month starting today, when we get to Connecticut. And, he chose the month in Connecticut."

"Hmm. Well, that was very generous and understanding of you."

"What can I say? I'm a generous and understanding guy."

"That you are, nephew. How is Jeremy taking being grounded?"

"I don't know. He seems fine with it now. He didn't fight me on the idea of it, but it hasn't started yet. He might be less cooperative once he's stuck cooped up in your apartment for a month."

"Huh. That's a good point. So, what about his birthday dinner on Friday night? Are you guys still coming over for that?" "And, Christmas! He's allowed out for Christmas, right?" Jess heard the concern in Luke's voice and it made him feel bad that Luke believed he could be cruel enough to not let Jeremy celebrate his birthday or Christmas.

Jess sighed. "Yeah, I already told him that you were planning something for his birthday and that he was allowed out of the apartment for that. And, of course, he can still have Christmas. I'm not that much of an asshole. But, nothing else for a month. I'm serious about that, Luke."

"And maybe Christmas Eve, since we usually do a family dinner then, and bake Christmas cookies and stuff?"

"We'll see, but, yeah, probably. I don't want him to miss out on family stuff since it's his first holiday with us. But, that's it."

"Ok. Ok."

"I mean it. I don't need you undermining me with Jeremy because you feel sorry for him. I don't care how cute and sad he might look. He brought this on himself."

"You're being dramatic, nephew. I'm not going to undermine anything. What do you think I'm going to do, sneak him out of the apartment when you're not looking and fly him to Vegas for the weekend?"

"I'm being serious here."

"I get it. I'm not going do anything."

"And, he's probably going to be embarrassed about it, so maybe don't say anything to him, either."

"So, I should cross 'taunting my great-nephew' off my to do list, too? Jess, you're worrying too much about this."

"And, can you please tell Lorelai and Rory not to say anything to him either."

"Oh, c'mon, Jess. They aren't going to tease him about it. Lorelai is a lot more mature than you give her credit for."

"You know how she is, Luke. Lorelai has no filter, and she thinks everything she says is funny and charming. I don't want her making Jeremy uncomfortable."

"I will let them know not to mock Jeremy, too."

"Thank you. I appreciate that."

"So, can Jeremy come down to the diner, or is he not allowed to eat while he's grounded?"

"Luke…..." Jess sighed like a parent dealing with an exasperating child.

There were both silent for a minute and then Jess heard Luke chuckling quietly.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing. It's just…..." Jess could hear the teasing in Luke's voice. "You've turned into this mature and responsible adult. And, now you're a single parent. By choice. It's just not anything I would have seen coming when you were younger."

"Yep, that's me. A mature and responsible adult with no home, no job and about three thousand dollars to my name."

"Hey." Luke's voice was softer now. "That stuff's not everything. What you're doing with Jeremy, taking care of him, giving him a family. That matters, too. I know this has been a really rough year for you, Jess, but I've never been prouder of you than I have been these past few months."

Jess huffed out a laugh and instantly deflected. "You should really work on those low standards of yours, Luke. They can get you into all sorts of trouble."

Luke chuckled. "All right. I get it. You don't want to hear it." Luke paused. "Oh, hey, I have news that you will want to hear. I have a surprise for you guys-"

Jess's phone buzzed and he looked at the screen and saw 'Garcia.' "Luke, I need to go, that's Jeremy's social worker and I need to talk to her about something. See you in a few hours, ok?"

"Ok, Jess. Drive safe."

"I will. Bye."

Jess ended the call with Luke and picked up with the social worker, hoping she would be able to help him.

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A couple of hours later, Jess was sitting in his car across the street from the high school waiting for Jeremy to come out. He had loaded the bags into the trunk, checked out of the motel and settled Winston in the backseat in his dog bed. He felt irritated and stressed about the move. It's not that he had been in denial exactly about moving home. He'd obviously known it was coming. But the reality of the situation was smacking him in the face especially hard right about now. He was moving back to Stars Hollow at thirty-three years old to freeload off his uncle while he got his shit together. He had been in stress mode for weeks now, but as much as he was grateful to be moving into Luke's apartment and relieving some of the financial stress that he was currently drowning in, he was already getting worried about becoming complacent there. Rory had 'temporarily' moved back in with Luke and Lorelai over a year ago and as far as he knew, she had no plans to move out anytime soon. Rory, who had considerable family money along with her baby's father being straight-up one percenter rich, had gotten comfortable in Stars Hollow, writing for the local paper, and letting Lorelai and Luke take care of her. She at least had a new baby to blame her life choices on and a book to work on. He didn't want to fall into the same trap. He tried, unsuccessfully, to quiet his mind as he waited.

Jess saw Jeremy walking behind a throng of other kids, holding hands with a pretty, dark haired girl that had to be Melissa. The couple stopped off to the side, a few feet outside the school gate, and turned toward each other. Melissa reached out for Jeremy's other hand, and standing on the tips of her toes, she leaned in for a kiss. Even with the other kids milling around them, Jess felt as if he was spying on a private moment. But, he didn't look away. He watched their lips moving as the spoke, saw the sad expression on Jeremy's face, and the small encouraging smile on Melissa's. They hugged for a few moments. Melissa pulled back first with a sad smile. She rested one gloved hand on the side of Jeremy's face, and leaned in for a quick kiss before she turned and walked away.

Jess watched his son stare after her for a moment before getting his bearings and looking around. The boy spotted Jess's car and started walking over, his head hanging slightly. Jess felt bad for Jeremy that they couldn't stay. He knew how intense puppy love could be. He could still remember how he felt leaving Rory's dorm room at Yale, broken hearted and hopeless, after a failed attempt to get her to run off to New York with him for the summer because he had honestly believed he would never be able to feel good again without her. He figured this would be a long drive to Connecticut.

Jeremy pulled open the door and lowered himself into the passenger seat.

"Hey, Jeremy. How did your last two exams go?"

"They were fine." The boy gave Jess a small smile and then turned to Winston, who was standing up in the backseat, wagging his tail and yelping in his excitement to see Jeremy. "Hey, boy. How're you doing? You got your little bed back there and everything, huh-"

Jess started to pull away from the curb, when he Jeremy stopped speaking. The boy turned and leaned further into the backseat, his body lifting off the front seat cushion. "Jeremy, sit back down and put your seat belt on, please."

"Jess, Winston isn't wearing a safety harness."

"What?" Jess was distracted as he navigated the car past the high school, stopping for teenage pedestrians milling in the street. "Jeremy sit down."

"A safety harness." Jeremy repeated slowly, his upper body still wedged between the front seats as he searched around the backseat. "Don't we have one?"

"Uh, no. I guess I never bought a new one. We'll pick one up when we get to Stars Hollow."

Jeremy turned around and sat back down in his seat, the annoyance clear on his face as he looked at Jess. "When we get to Stars Hollow? That's like four hours away? Winston can't ride in the car all that time without a safety harness!"

Jess sighed, surprised at how irritated he felt. "Jeremy-"

"We need to stop at Petco and get one."

"It's not really on the way to the highway." Jess was feeling stressed and he really just wanted to get on the highway and get this drive over with. "And, he's in the backseat. That's the safest place for babies and dogs, right?"

"Are you serious? Being safer than he'd be in the front seat doesn't mean he's actually safe!"

Jess was getting annoyed that the traffic wasn't moving. He could feel his stress building, the familiar frenetic pulsing in his head playing accompaniment. He felt distracted. "Uh, didn't dogs ride in cars for decades before safety harnesses were invented? I'm sure he'll be fine."

"That isn't safe." Jeremy insisted. "Dogs also used to be tied up outside in the cold and fed leftover table scraps. Should we just do that, too, if it's more convenient for you, Jess?" There was a nasty emphasis on the last sentence that Jess really didn't appreciate. The way Jeremy had said his name had reminded him of the way his teenage self used to say 'Liz,' loading the word with disdain and condescension, and it immediately rubbed him the wrong way.

Jess knew he was in the wrong. He should have thought of the safety harness this morning, when he was done packing and had had a few hours to kill before they left. He knew if something happened, if they got into an accident and Winston was hurt or killed in the collision, the fact that Petco wasn't on the way to the highway was not going to feel like a defensible reason for not having Winston in a safety harness. But, Jeremy's attitude was getting on his nerves. And Jess chose to make that the issue and deflect from his own failure to safeguard his most vulnerable family member.

"You need to watch your attitude, Jeremy. Do you hear me? I'm really not in the mood for this right now."

Jess glanced over at Jeremy, who was looking at him with hurt and surprise on his face. This wasn't how they spoke to each other. "What's your problem?" The boy asked. "Why are you being like this?"

Jess was stopped at a red light at the far end of the high school campus, and he used the opportunity to look at Jeremy. He took a deep breath and kept his voice calm. "Jeremy, I know you're upset about leaving Melissa, but that doesn't mean I'm going to put up with your shit-"

"Put up with my shit?" Jeremy's voice was high with incredulity and righteous angry. "You're the one who's refusing to get a safety harness for Winston! Do you seriously not care if anything happens to him?"

"Of course, I do!" Jess's voice was raising in volume, getting deeper as he got angrier in contrast to Jeremy's. "You're making a big deal about nothing! Winston's going to be fine." Jess didn't know why he was digging in his heels like this. Logically, he knew that Jeremy was right, and that there was no guarantee that Winston would be fine. He usually hated the inherently flawed and sentimental logic of someone saying something was going to be fine, without any real proof. But, somehow winning this argument felt more important than making sense. "You need to calm the fuck down and put your own seat belt on. Right now." Even as he listened to his own words, Jess recognized that he was the one who needed to calm down.

Jess watched as Jeremy's eyes got damp. Shit, he really didn't want to deal with Jeremy crying right now. How had this situation gotten so out of control in the five minutes it had taken them to sit in traffic for two city blocks? Jess took a deep breath, trying to calm himself down, but before he could speak, Jeremy had opened the passenger door and gotten out of the car.

Fuck. "Jeremy!" Jess yelled, but the only response he got was the slamming of the car door. "Jeremy, get the fuck back in here!" Before Jess could free himself from his own seat belt and go after him, to do what exactly he wasn't sure, he heard the door to the backseat open and turned to watch the boy get back in the car next to Winston. He didn't realize the light had changed until he heard angry honking behind him. He drove through the intersection, fuming. "Don't you ever do that again, Jeremy! Do you hear me? Don't you ever get out of a car in traffic, like that. Do you have any idea how dangerous that is?" He tried to make eye contact in the rear-view mirror, but the boy wouldn't look up.

"Probably not as dangerous as Winston being in the car for four hours without a seat belt." Jeremy's voice was lower now, more hurt than angry.

"Jeremy-"

"If you won't stop and get one, I'm going to ride back here so that I can hold him in case we get in an accident." The boy paused. "Is that ok?"

Jess heard the question for the concession it was. He listened to the boy sniffle in the backseat. He wasn't crying, but he was visibly upset. Jess thought about the emotional day Jeremy was already having, leaving his familiar school and his first real girlfriend. Jess felt a wave of shame at having not met Jeremy's attitude over Winston's safety with more self-control and compassion.

Jess sighed. "That's fine. You're right. Winston should be wearing a seat belt, too. We'll stop at Petco."

"Thank you." Jeremy's voice was so soft it was barely audible.

"I'm sorry I yelled." Jess breathed deeply, trying to make himself relax, or at least unclench. "I've been feeling pretty stressed today about the move, and everything else, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you."

Jess watched Jeremy in the rear-view mirror, his head leaning against the top of the seat back, his face angled up toward the ceiling, one hand petting Winston's back. He watched the boy nod slowly, looking wiped out.

"It's ok. I'm sorry, too." Jeremy sniffled again, then was quiet for a moment. "I know it's stupid because it probably wouldn't have lasted much longer anyway, but I'm really going to miss Melissa. I already do."

Jess put on his blinker and turned left toward Petco instead of right toward the highway. "It's not stupid. Do you want to talk about it?"

Jess sighed as he watched the boy shake his head wordlessly in the rear-view mirror. He got it. He wouldn't want to talk to him right now either if he were Jeremy.

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Half an hour later, they were walking out of Petco with a new safety harness and a silence that felt less tense than the one they had driven over with. Jess ripped the plastic tags off the harness as Jeremy got Winston back in the car, the boy leaning into the backseat to help the dog get situated. Jess handed the harness to Jeremy when the boy stood back up, and he moved to walk around the car to the driver's side before Jeremy's voice stopped him.

"Hey, Jess." It sounded hesitant, but hopeful. And adorably young and vulnerable.

"Yeah?" Jess tried his best to sound on the friendly side of neutral, wanting to meet Jeremy where he was now and let go of their earlier conflict in the car.

"If you want to wait a few minutes to start driving, I can get Winston harnessed into the backseat and then come sit up front. I mean, if you want me up there with you…."

Jess smiled warmly at his son. "Of course, I want you with me. I always want that. I was starting to feel like an Uber driver on the way here." Jess patted the shoulder of Jeremy's peacoat as he walked by on his way around the car, turning to call over the roof to Jeremy, who was still standing there, holding the harness, with a smile on his face. "But, if you get out of the car like that again, I'm going to make you ride in the trunk."

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Jeremy watched the Welcome to Connecticut sign get bigger and closer, until they passed it. He snuck a glance at his foster father to see if he had any reaction to it. Jess was staring out the windshield, one hand on the top of the steering wheel, looking closer to relaxed than Jeremy had seen him during the whole ride.

"We're officially in Connecticut." Jeremy said.

"Yes, we are."

"So, I guess I'm grounded now, huh?" Jeremy tried to sound nonchalant, as if he were unphased by the prospect of spending the next month trapped in the apartment over the diner instead of secretly hoping that once Jess had had time to think it over, he would have taken pity on him and relented.

"That was the deal." Jess acknowledged, not unkindly.

Jeremy frowned, disappointed. It they were actually going to go through with this, he at least wanted to talk to Jess about it first to try to minimize the embarrassment as much as possible. "We don't need to mention it to Luke and everybody, do we? I mean, would it be all right if we just kept it between us?"

Jeremy felt Jess glance at him, but he kept his eyes straight ahead on the highway beyond the car, knowing this conversation would be embarrassing enough without eye contact.

"Don't you think they should know?" Jess asked. "I know Luke's really excited to spend time with you. If you don't want to see him, but he doesn't know why, he'll think you're blowing him off."

"I guess. But, it's just so….embarrassing."

"Hey. It's not that big a deal." Jess was frowning with concern.

"It feels like a big deal. They're going to think I'm a jerk when they know what I did." Jeremy felt more embarrassment at the prospect of Luke and everyone else knowing that Jess was disciplining him like a little kid than he did about them knowing what he had done to earn the punishment, but he saw playing up his guilt over his own actions as a possibly more effective way to soften Jess.

"No, they won't. They already know that you're not a jerk. They care about you too much to ever think that." Jess's voice was full of warm reassurance and it made Jeremy feel a little guilty for trying to manipulate him. "They'll think you're human and that you made a mistake and you're being punished for it."

"They'll think I'm selfish and ungrateful for lying to you and making you worry about me after everything you've done for me."

Jess scoffed. "I think you might be being a little dramatic."

"I'm serious. I'm pretty sure I'll shrivel up and die of embarrassment if they know."

Jess laughed. "Ok, now, you're _really_ being dramatic! Sometimes kids make bad decisions and get grounded. They understand that."

"Yeah, but I'm eighteen. It's humiliating to be grounded at eighteen."

"Oh, c'mon! Is being grounded really that embarrassing? It's not like I spanked you."

"Jeez!" Jeremy felt his face warming and knew he must be blushing. He could see Jess grinning at him out of the corner of his eye as he kept focused straight ahead, bringing one hand up over his eyes for protection. He heard Jess laugh. "That's so not funny."

"It's a little funny." Jess chuckled. "And, my point stands. It could be worse."

"Fine. You're right." Jeremy's hand was cupped around the side of his left eye and forehead, providing what he hoped was a casual looking protective barrier between himself and his foster father. Jeremy listened to Jess's quiet chuckling. He felt Jess's hand on the skin of his exposed wrist, just past his coat sleeve, gently tugging his hand away from his face, before releasing him.

"Jeremy, I'm going to drop a little life wisdom on you right now." Jeremy heard the amusement in Jess's voice and he knew he was in for more teasing. He knew he needed to learn to take it better. Jeremy forced down his right hand that had automatically gravitated up to his face when Jess had pulled at his left, but he still didn't look at Jess. "If you don't want to be messed with, you should try to be less fun to mess with."

Jeremy knew he was blushing again, but he didn't reach up to block his face. He knew Jess was joking around, but he knew there was truth in that statement, too. He thought about all the people in his past, from kids at school to the bullies at the group home, who had known the same thing that Jess did. That Jeremy was fun to mess with. He had always worn his hurt and embarrassment on his sleeve. And paid for it. The reminder hit Jeremy hard, but he wanted to act like a normal person about Jess's teasing and not let him know how much it had affected him. He didn't want to end up with Jess as one more person who saw him as weak and pathetic.

Jeremy forced his expression into what he hoped looked like a sarcastic smirk and kept his tone light. "Yeah, sure. Pick on the poor little foster kid with low self-esteem. That's real nice, Jess." Jeremy knew he hadn't played it off successfully, that he had instead shown his hand.

"Hey." Jess's voice was gentler now, almost coddling, the opposite of how Jeremy had wanted to make Jess act toward him. But, he had said the wrong thing, again, and now Jess felt like he had to comfort him like he would a pathetic little kid. "If that's how I saw you, I wouldn't mess with you at all. I only tease people I love who I think are tough enough to take it."

Jeremy didn't say anything, as old memories of being picked on and bullied ran through his mind, leaving him feeling subdued and deflated.

After a moment, Jess spoke. "To get back to your original question, Luke already knows that you're grounded and he's not going to say anything about it to make you feel uncomfortable. I warned him that you might be feeling…..sensitive about it."

The word sensitive got stuck in Jeremy's mind, and he felt even more embarrassed at the idea of Luke thinking he was such a loser that he needed to be treated with kid gloves to protect his feelings. It was bad enough that Jeremy had broken down and cried in front of him at the diner on Thanksgiving. Jeremy had started over so many times in his life, each with the hope that things would be different and better, that he'd be more accepted and not picked on. But, every time, things were the same. Because he was the same. He had convinced himself that everything had changed when he had been placed with Jess and found a forever family to love him. In the end though, he knew he was still stuck with who he had always been. A weak, pathetic person. Now, he was just a weak, pathetic person with a family. He wanted to be someone Jess could be proud of, not someone whose feelings he felt like he needed to walk on eggshells around.

"So, you have nothing to worry about. Ok?" Jess's question pulled Jeremy out of his thoughts. He looked out the window, trying to hide his feelings, not wanting to look ungrateful for the care Jess was showing him, even if it wasn't what he wanted.

"Yeah. Ok. Thanks."


	22. Chapter 22 - Welcome to Stars Hollow

**Chapter 22 Notes:** The boys arrive in Stars Hollow. Nothing too exciting happens. This chapter is really just a few small moments. Thanks to everyone who left me reviews on the last chapter, and for all the feedback and suggestions. I need to spend the next few days focusing on a paper I have due for grad school, so the next chapter might take a little extra time to get posted. I know I said this last time, too, but this time I'm serious! :) I probably should have been working on the paper instead of writing this chapter, but I couldn't get these scenes out of my head until I wrote them up! :)

I just heard from a reader (thank you TheDisneyOutsider!) that a notification didn't go out for this last chapter. I just deleted and re-posted the chapter, hoping to trigger a notification. Apologies if that caused any of you to receive a duplicate notification.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jess pulled the Mazda into a parking spot across the street from the diner and turned the car off. It was just getting dark and the town square was illuminated in a warm glow. There were white holiday lights draped from tree branches like garland, running along the roof of the gazebo, and wrapped around the bases of street lamps. Oversized silver Christmas ball ornaments dangled gracefully from the trees. A giant Christmas tree stood in the middle of the square, lit with colorful lights and multi-colored ornaments. Happy looking couples and families were walking together, some hand in hand, some carrying coffee or hot chocolate, all bundled up for the New England winter with colorful scarves and mittens and knit hats. The whole look was simultaneously charmingly whimsical, and quintessentially Norman Rockwell. Jess saw the smile on Jeremy's face as the boy took in the scene from the passenger seat, and for the first time he could remember, Jess didn't feel like ridiculing Stars Hollow.

"This is so cool….." Jeremy said softly.

"Yeah, it is kinda nice." Jess agreed.

Jeremy kept his eyes focused out the window as he spoke. "It looks like a Christmas movie."

Jess laughed. "Let's give Winston a quick bathroom break after the drive and then take our stuff inside and say hi to Luke. After that, we can bring Winston back out for a walk to check out the square if you want. How does that sound?"

Jeremy turned to look at Jess, his expression serious and unsure. "That sounds great. You sure that's ok?" "I thought I was going to be stuck inside for a month."

Jess realized that they hadn't really gone over what being grounded was going to entail. He wasn't sure if it was right or wrong, but he knew as soon as he'd seen the smile on Jeremy's face, that he wasn't going to have the heart to exclude Jeremy from all the seasonal town festivities. He thought back to Matthew telling him that Stars Hollow was the cutest and safest place he had ever been, and he wanted Jeremy to get to have that feeling, too, and Christmas seemed the best time for it. Jess knew that Jeremy hadn't experienced a lot of safe and comfortable places in his life, and he didn't want to rob the kid of a good experience. But, he also didn't want to cave on Jeremy's punishment completely. "Well, you are, mostly. But, you're not grounded from walking Winston, since that's technically a chore, and he is your responsibility." Jess kept his voice firm, then quickly broke into a smile. "And, you're not grounded from hanging out with me. I'm pretty sure no one gets grounded from spending time with their parents. And that seems like way too severe of a punishment in your case considering how great I am to hang out with."

Jeremy nodded his head, grinning back. "You are pretty great to hang out with. I'll give you that much."

"Just don't let me catch you having fun with anyone else for the next month, without my express consent. Got it?"

Jeremy nodded, his smile getting bigger. "Got it. Thanks."

"And no phone. We're going to stick your phone in a drawer or something for the next month, not to be touched until late January."

Jeremy frowned at that, and Jess figured the boy was thinking about not being able to text Melissa. "Fine."

"All right, then. We should go in. Luke's really looking forward to seeing you two. Grab your dog and I'll get the bags out of the trunk." Jess turned to open his door.

"Hey, Jess?"

"Yeah?" Jess looked back toward Jeremy.

"Thanks for letting us move here. I know you didn't really want to, but I think it's going to be really good."

Jess watched the boy smile again. Despite his better instincts, it was hard not to think that Stars Hollow was going to be good when it was already making his kid this happy.

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Luke had met them at the door of the diner with hugs and greetings and whisked them upstairs, telling them that Winston couldn't be hanging around in the diner when it was as crowded as it was that evening. There had been an awkward moment when Luke had asked if they needed help getting the rest of their things from the car, and then looked crushed for them when Jess had said no, telling his uncle that what he saw, the backpack on Jeremy's shoulder and the four shopping bags he was carrying, was all there was. They were now standing in the upstairs hallway outside the apartment staring at the vast quantity of water that lined the outside wall. Some of the water was in gallon jugs and some was in 24 packs of bottled water, wrapped in plastic. Luke lifted the top pack of water bottles from the middle stack and placed it on the floor a few feet to the right of the stacks. "I want to show you guys something, but I just need to move this stuff out of the way first."

"Luke, let me help you with that." Jess put down the shopping bags of his and Jeremy's possessions and started to help Luke move the water to the new spot. Jeremy stood by with Winston, a confused expression on his face. Jess watched him make a hesitant move toward the water to help at one point, only to step back awkwardly when Luke almost backed into him and narrowly missed tripping on the dog. "Jeremy, can you just keep Winston out of the way for a minute?"

"Oh, sure. Sorry." Jeremy backed up and squatted down to keep Winston in place.

"I was out when the delivery came and Cesar brought these up for me." Luke said. "I told him not to put them on this side…."

"What's all this water up here for anyway?" Jess asked as they worked at clearing a spot against the wall. "Did you run out of space in the store room?"

"The store room?" Luke asked. "Oh, no, this is emergency water for you guys. Remember how I told you that that pipe burst in town a couple of winters back? It just froze and burst and messed up the whole system. The whole town was without running water for two days. I wanted to be ready in case something like that happens again. We already have a bunch at the house, but I wanted to make sure the three of you were covered, too."

Jess felt a warmth in his chest at the concern Luke had always shown for him and that he now showed for Jeremy and Winston as well. Jess had never been the kind of person to store emergency supplies, but now that he had a kid and dog to take care of he probably should have started. "And, just how bad an emergency are you planning for this winter? This is a lot of water."

"I know. I was going to get nine gallons for you guys. That's the standard guideline, one gallon per person per day for at least three days. I don't know what it is for dogs, but I was going to get three for Winston, too, to be safe. Then I got to thinking, there were other people in town who hadn't been prepared the last time and I ended up handing out a lot of water from the diner. And there's so much space up here in the hallway, that when I ordered the water for you guys, I figured I should stock up with extra while I was at it in case anyone else needs some during an emergency." Luke shoved the last two 24 packs of water to the side and stepped out of the way with a flourish. "Notice anything different, nephews?" He turned to face them with a smile.

"There's a door!" Jeremy noted, showing more enthusiasm for a new mystery door than Jess would have been able to summon at his age, even to humor someone he cared about.

"Yes, there is." Jess could tell Luke was proud of this new design change. "It's your new private entrance so you aren't bringing your dog through my diner all day long. Come, look." Luke pulled open the wooden door that matched the hallway paneling and slid the lock to pop the storm door open. Jess watched Jeremy peek his head out first and then took his turn. There was a small landing outside the door that led to wood stairs that descended half a flight before hitting another landing and switching back. "What do you guys think? I had Tom put in a landing halfway down so that the stairs wouldn't be too steep for Winston. There's a shovel and a bag of rock salt on the top landing for when it snows and gets icy."

"That's so cool." Jeremy said, before turning to the dog. "You see that, Winston? You get your own special staircase."

Jess felt a twinge of guilt at the expense Luke had gone through to house them. "Yeah, it's definitely pretty cool." He agreed. "It also must have been pretty expensive. I can repay you-"

"Jess, stop." Luke cut in as he closed and locked the door before turning back to Jess and Jeremy. "Don't worry about what it cost. This was for me as much as it was for you guys. After you stayed here with Winston at Thanksgiving, I had an issue with other customers trying to bring their pets into the diner, too. Well, mostly just Kirk, I guess. He kept trying to bring Petal in with him for breakfast and lunch. Not so much for dinner, because if he comes in for dinner, he's usually with Lulu, and she has a little more sense. But, anyway, I told him I couldn't have a pig running around my diner because of health codes. He got offended and accused me of nepotism and promoting an anti-pig agenda, which he had already been on me about anyway because I serve bacon, and he just learned last year that bacon comes from pigs. Anyway, long story short, he picketed the diner for a while, with crazy signs and everything. That guy just has too much time on his hands." Luke shrugged. "And, you know how things escalate around here. It wasn't good. So, I just figured having you guys use a separate door with Winston would be easier than dealing with Kirk again."

Jess nodded. "Ah, that makes sense."

"If you two are coming down without Winston, you're still welcome to come through the diner, of course, but Winston needs to come and go this way. Ok?"

Jeremy nodded obediently. "Ok."

"Got it. Winston uses the doggie door only." Jess agreed.

Luke smiled. "All right, on to the next surprise! I think you two will be more excited about this one. Go on in first, Jeremy. You can't miss it."

Jeremy smiled and opened the door to the apartment, walking in with Winston. "Oh, wow! This is so cool."

Jess followed Jeremy in, looking around curiously. Luke was right. They couldn't miss it. There was now a wall with an actual door, closing off the area that had once been Jess's bedroom and that Jeremy had slept in at Thanksgiving. It was indeed cool, and Jess let himself get a little excited. "Actual doors! Wow, Luke, I never thought I'd see the day."

"Well, only one door for now." Luke said. "TJ's coming back with the door for your room tomorrow, Jess."

"What made you finally cave?" Jess was curious. He had always found it odd that Luke had bought a whole other building to accommodate him when he lived here, had a whole remodel done, but still stopped short of closing off the bedrooms.

"Oh, I don't know. I just figured you guys would want your space. And, I mean, Jeremy's a teenage boy. I figured he'd want privacy."

"Huh. Interesting. I seem to remember another teenage boy living here, who also wanted his space and privacy, but I don't remember that getting him a door."

Luke chuckled. "Yeah, well, don't count your chickens, my friend." Luke's voice was teasing. "You still don't have a door. Give me a hard time and you might be outta luck this time around, too."

Luke and Jeremy made eye contact and both laughed. "Hmph." Jess feigned annoyance. "I can't say I'm a big fan of the ganging up like this."

Jess watched his still grinning son take off Winston's leash and harness, and then his own coat, and walk over to the closed bedroom. "Is it ok if I open it?"

"Of course, Jeremy!" Luke said. "Go ahead. It's your room. Make yourself at home."

Jess turned and wandered a few feet toward his room. Sure enough, there was a finished wall, with a door frame, but no door.

Jeremy opened his door and peeked inside. The boy turned back toward Jess and Luke. "This is so great! Thanks so much, Luke!"

"Wait, did you say TJ?" Jess turned to Luke, confused now that his mind had caught up to his ears.

"You're very welcome, Jeremy. I'm glad you like it."

"I love it! Thank you. It'll be so great to have my own room again. Jess snores really loud."

"Hey, now." Jess cautioned, with no real warning in his voice.

"Still?" Luke teased. "He did as a teenager, too, but I thought he'd outgrow it. He used to sound like a rusty lawnmower on its last legs."

Jeremy laughed at that, and Jess frowned. "TJ?" Jess repeated, impatiently.

"Huh?" Luke took his eyes off Jeremy and turned to Jess. "Oh, yeah. TJ put up the walls. I guess he was only able to get the one door the other day. I don't know. He said something vague about supplier issues, but I'm pretty sure he just went to Home Depot. I don't really ask questions anymore. I told him to put the one he had on Jeremy's room, and to do yours when he came back with another one."

"You trust him for stuff like this?" Jess asked, trying not to sound judgemental, just genuinely curious. He still remembered hearing about TJ knocking a huge hole into the side of Lorelai's bedroom.

Luke gave a noncommittal shrug. "He _is_ a general contractor. And Liz's husband. He's also significantly cheaper than Tom." Luke chuckled. "I went with Tom's guys for the stairs because it felt like a safety issue, but these walls aren't load-bearing. So, I figured, what harm could he do, right?"

"I guess." Jess conceded.

"And it made him feel good. He heard you were moving back and he wanted to do something nice for you." Luke paused, his expression becoming serious. "You know, you could have told your mother that you were moving back. I think it hurt her feelings that she heard it from me."

Jess was accustomed to hearing this type of complaint from Luke. That he ignored his mother. Left her out of his life. Made her feel bad. Luke never seemed to really get why Jess treated him so much better than he treated Liz. But, he didn't like hearing it in front of Jeremy. He glanced at Jeremy, who had picked up their bags and set them on the kitchen table, starting to sort through the contents while he pretended he wasn't listening to Jess getting scolded like a small child. Jess had to bite back a nasty retort, that Liz deserved what she got from him, that she didn't exactly call him either, except when she wanted something from him, that she never really listened to anything he said. But, he had learned a long time ago that it was pointless. There were many things Jess loved and appreciated about Luke, but he could also recognize that Luke had a giant blindspot for his sister's failings as a parent and a person. Jess had found Luke's rose-colored view of Liz offensive until he had made the connection to himself, and realized that he was lucky that Luke had looked at him through the same forgiving glasses when he had lived here as a teenager and spent the better part of two years acting like an asshole. Luke had a generous nature and saw the best in the people he loved. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but sometimes it rankled more than others. "Noted." Jess nodded seriously, as though he cared about what Luke had just said and was tucking the criticism away for later.

Luke sighed, and it left Jess feeling like he was being ungrateful, which wasn't a feeling he enjoyed in regard to his uncle. "Ok, Luke. We'll go over and see her soon. All right?"

Luke smiled at Jess's concession, and Jess thought about how little it had always taken for Luke to be pleased with him. He hadn't really understood that before, but now he thought about his argument in the car with Jeremy and how easy it had been to forgive Jeremy's attitude once the boy had made a concession of his own by asking Jess if it was ok with him if he rode in the back with Winston. Jess started to understand how wanting peace with your child could be more important than winning an argument.

"Well, they'll all be over at our house on Friday night for Jeremy's birthday dinner. So, you'll get to see Liz then if you haven't made it over to their house yet."

Jess watched the subtle joy that moved across Jeremy's face at the mention of his birthday dinner, even as the boy focused on neatly refolding the clothes he had unpacked. "Hey, Jeremy. Did we leave Winston's bed in the car?" Jess had noticed it missing earlier, but figured they would just pick it up later when they took Winston out for a walk.

The boy looked up at Jess's voice and glanced around the apartment, a small frown on his face. "Yeah, sorry. I must have forgot to get it when I got Winston out of the backseat."

"No worries." Jess dug his keys out of his jacket pocket. "Would you mind running out to grab it now so that it will have time to warm up before Winston needs it for bed?"

"Yeah, sure, I'll go get it."

Jess tossed the keys to Jeremy, who caught them and pulled his coat back on. "Thanks, Jeremy."

Jess waited until he heard Jeremy on the stairs before he turned back to Luke. "I don't know if I've really said this yet, but thank you. For taking us in like this. For putting a roof over my head. Again. And, Jeremy's this time, too. For building stairs so that we can keep Winston with us. For thinking about our water consumption needs during an emergency." Jess tried to end with sarcasm, keeping his tone light, but the affected quality he heard in own voice told him he was failing. "For everything." He said more seriously. "This is the first time I've felt even remotely close to ok in almost a month. You have no idea how good it feels to be here right now."

Luke smiled warmly at him, and rested a hand on Jess's shoulder. "You don't need to thank me, Jess. You have no idea how good it feels to have you here."

Jess huffed out a shaky breath. "I don't know what I would have done, Luke. How I would have taken care of myself, nevermind Jeremy and Winston if I didn't have anyone-" Jess felt himself getting slightly and unexpectedly emotional. "I've never been in a such a bad spot before. A few more weeks at the motel would have killed my savings and we would have been sleeping in my car." The reality of that statement still frightened Jess. "I really don't know what I would have done…." Jess trailed off, wanting to stop before he embarrassed himself.

His uncle was smiling warmly at Jess. "I'm glad you're here, Jess. All three of you. I know you would have figured something out on your own if you didn't have me, but I'm glad you came home and let me help you. I love you so much, and I'm so glad you guys are here."

Jess nodded, looking down at the floor in front of him. He forced himself to look up and make eye contact. "Thank you. Seriously." He had sent Jeremy outside so that he could thank his uncle in private, but he hadn't expected to feel so overwhelmed by emotion. He felt Luke's other hand on his other shoulder and let himself be pulled into a hug. He felt Luke's hand cup the back of his head. He felt safe and taken care of for the first time in weeks and he wanted to linger in the feeling.

"You're welcome, Jess. Always."

Jess heard a soft knock on the door and pulled back quickly. Luke patted him on the side of the arm as he released him. "Come in." Jess called, hoping it wasn't Lorelai or Rory. He was really in an immediate-family-only type of mood right now.

The door opened slowly and Jeremy crept in quietly, carrying Winston's bed.

Luke smiled. "You don't need to knock, Jeremy. You live here now."

Jeremy smiled softly. "Sorry, I didn't want to interrupt or anything."

"You're not interrupting." Luke smiled at the boy. "I was just about to tell Jess that you guys are welcome to eat for free in the diner whenever you want. I also stocked the fridge and the cabinets up here for when you want to cook, and I got a bunch of snacks and stuff. So, you guys help yourself to anything you find."

"Thank you, Luke, but you didn't have to do that." Jess said. "I can actually still afford to feed my kid. For the moment, at least."

"I know." Luke said. "But, I couldn't help myself. I didn't want you to get here tonight and have to run out to the grocery store if you wanted stuff. And, I liked doing it. I like taking care of you guys." Luke huffed out a laugh. "And, I like shopping for healthy food for people I know will actually appreciate it. You should see some of the junk that Lorelai and Rory put on my grocery list every week. You have no idea how embarrassing grocery shopping can be until you've gone through the checkout line with a family-size box of Pop-Tarts and three or four different kinds of cookies."

"You actually buy that stuff for them?" Jess asked, raising one eyebrow in surprise at Luke's enabling of the Gilmores' junk food habit.

Luke chuckled. "What can I say? I like taking care of them, too. Plus, I make them dinner every night, so I know they're at least eating _something_ decent every day."

"Wow, the Gilmores have finally dragged you over to the dark side." Jess said. "I never thought I'd see this happen."

Luke laughed, then his expression got serious, as though he had just realized something alarming. "Hey Jess, do you have a winter jacket in one of those bags?"

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After a quick dinner in the diner while Luke worked, Jess and Jeremy took Winston out for a leisurely walk in the square. Jess was wearing an old navy blue winter jacket of Luke's that his uncle had pulled out of the closet for him. Luke had worn it for skiing in his younger days and it fit Jess reasonably well. It wasn't something he would have been comfortable being seen in at this time last year, but how he dressed seemed less important now. It was warm enough that Jess didn't feel his body bracing itself against the cold, like he had on every other dog walk since the fire. Jess knew the stress of being back in Stars Hollow would catch up with him eventually, but tonight he just felt relieved. He and Jeremy were warm and safe. They had been able to keep Winston with them. They had a roof over their heads and rent-free access to a decently sized living space, with heat, their own rooms and a kitchen full of food. And, they had family support when they'd needed it. Overall, Jess was feeling grateful for what he had, and just very, very lucky.

"Jeremy, do you want a hot chocolate?" Jess had noticed Jeremy eyeing the cups that everyone else seemed to be carrying, but he knew the kid would never ask for anything.

"What?" Jeremy seemed startled by the question. "Oh, uh, that's ok. I don't need one. Thanks, though."

Jess sighed. This was right up there with apologizing for things that weren't his fault on Jess's mental list of things he wanted to beat out of Jeremy. Not literally, of course, but he definitely wanted to help Jeremy eradicate his belief that he should say no thank you to everything offered to him because he wasn't worth anyone else's effort or expense. "I know you don't _need_ one. I don't know if anyone has ever _needed_ a hot chocolate. I was asking if you _want_ one."

Jeremy started to flush slightly, and Jess could already hear the boy's next word before it came out of his mouth. "Sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about, Jeremy." Jess knew he needed to be patient and gentle with the boy. He also knew that they were making progress. Slow, sporadic progress. He sensed that Jeremy could tell when he was annoyed about this kind of stuff, and it only made the kid feel worse about himself, which was not something Jess ever wanted to do. He decided to rephrase the question. "I want a hot chocolate. April drags me into Taylor's shop every winter, and I always act like I don't want to go in, cause, well, Taylor. But, I can attest that even though he's a tyrannical egomaniac, the man makes a really good cup of hot chocolate. You'll be missing out if you don't try it. Do you want one?"

Jeremy was smiling shyly at the ground, and Jess could tell the boy still felt a little embarrassed about being called out for turning down something he had wanted. "Ok. Thanks. That sounds good."

"Ok. I'll run in and get them and you stay out here with Winston. Ok?"

Jeremy nodded, and Jess smiled at the boy before turning and heading to Taylor's.

As Jess waited in line in Taylor's shop, he glanced out the window and spotted Jeremy, not too far from where he left him. It looked like he was making friends. There were two girls that looked around Jeremy's age with him, one crouched down and playing with Winston and the other standing, talking to Jeremy, as they both watched her friend play with the dog. Huh. Jess had always heard that having a cute dog was good for attracting women, but he had yet to experience it himself with Winston. Jess got to the front of the line and placed his order, paying for the drinks and carrying them to the door, but pausing just before he went outside, unsure of how to proceed. He knew the girls would likely disperse as soon as he walked over and he kind of wanted to give Jeremy a few more minutes to establish his first connection to other kids his age in Stars Hollow. But, Jeremy was also grounded and wasn't supposed to be having fun with people who weren't Jess, or at least family. Jess waited a few more minutes, watching Jeremy chat with the girls, or the other way around really, since Jeremy seemed to be saying much less than the two girls. Not that they seemed to mind. They were both all smiles, as they talked and played with Winston. When Jess started to feel ridiculous for loitering inside Taylor's shop while he spied on a group of teenagers, he exited the building and walked over.

As he approached, he heard one of the girls extending an invitation to Jeremy, telling him that a bunch of their friends were heading over to the bowling alley in Woodbury to celebrate midterms being over, and that Jeremy should come, too. There were going to be lots of people there, and it would give Jeremy a chance to meet some of the other seniors before school started up again after New Years. Winston wagged his tail and trotted over to greet Jess, drawing the attention of Jeremy and both girls. Jess handed one cup to Jeremy and bent to give Winston a quick head scratch. He smiled at the girls. "Hi, I'm Jeremy's dad, Jess."

"Hi, I'm Sarah." The girl stuck out her hand and Jess shook it, impressed with how comfortable she seemed talking to adults. He hadn't been a friendly and willing hand shaker at their age. He remembered most of his interactions with adults in those days involving his hands jammed angrily into his pockets and a scowl on his face.

"I'm Autumn. It's nice to meet you." The girl who had been crouching down with Winston stood up and extended her hand, too.

"You too." Jess said, shaking her hand, and casting a quick side glance at Jeremy, conscious of not wanting to embarrass the boy. Jeremy had a goofy grin on his face and Jess was starting to feel guilty about what was about to happen.

"We were just telling your son that a bunch of us are meeting at the bowling alley tonight since it's the last day of the semester." Sarah said, stealing her own glance at Jeremy as she spoke. "Since Jeremy's new, he should come, too, so he can meet some people from school before classes start again."

"Oh, I can't….I uh, um-" Jeremy started. Jess didn't like watching him flounder.

"We actually have a family thing tonight." Jess cut in. "We were about to head out now. But, maybe Jeremy can join you guys another time." Jess realized he might be ruining the companionable night that he and Jeremy had been having, but Jeremy was grounded. If the kid wanted to be pissed about not being able to go bowling with some kids he barely knew, that was his prerogative. Jess would just point out that he should be grateful that he had even been allowed out and had been able to meet two of his new classmates to begin with. Jess kept his eyes on the girls, not eager to see the resentful look he was sure Jeremy was currently giving him. And, it's not like he had embarrassed Jeremy by telling the girls why he couldn't go bowling. He had lied for the kid. That should earn him a modicum of gratitude, at least.

"Bummer." Sarah said. She turned to Autumn. "Well, we should get going."

"Yeah." The girl gave Winston one last pet on the head. "Bye, Winston!" She looked up. "It was nice to meet you both."

"You, too." Jeremy said. "It was great meeting you guys." Jess waved the hand not holding his drink at the girls as he took a sip of his hot chocolate.

"We'll see you around, Jeremy. Welcome to Stars Hollow." Sarah smiled at Jeremy and the girls walked off together.

Jess turned to Jeremy, bracing himself for the annoyed or angry attitude he expected to find all over the boy's face. Instead, the dopey grin was still there, maybe slightly dimmed.

"They seemed nice." Jess said. He was being cautious, wondering what Jeremy was thinking.

"Yeah, they did." Jeremy didn't seem angry or resentful and Jess was confused and unsure how to approach the situation. "I think Winston is getting tired. Is it ok if we head back?" Jeremy took a careful sip of his hot chocolate. "And, thanks for this. You're right. It's really good."

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Later that night, Jeremy was sitting cross-legged on the floor in front of the shelves that held board games, looking at the selection. He was in his sleep pants and a sweatshirt, with Winston cuddled up next to him and Jess only half a room away sitting at the table with the laptop they were currently sharing. He felt cozy. And safe. He missed Melissa and he knew that without being able to text her for a month, they were likely to lose the connection they had. That was Jeremy's experience about how things worked. Once you were out of sight, people tended to move on and forget about you, especially if you were unable to stay on their radar by texting. But, he was still feeling good about the move to Stars Hollow. He loved having Jess in his life. Jess was his forever family of one, his forever person, and he would always love him and be grateful he had him. But, he was also curious about what it would be like to have a whole extended forever family nearby, with an aunt and uncle, grandparents and cousins.

Jeremy thought about how good it had felt when Jess had walked up to him while he was talking to Sarah and Autumn and introduced himself as his dad. Not his foster parent. Not his almost, but not yet adoptive father. Just his dad. With no further explanation needed. It had felt very natural and comfortable, but also magical in its surrealness at the same time. Stars Hollow seemed like the kind of place where things could be easy. Where Jeremy could start off at his new school as Jess's kid and no one would need a longer version of their relationship, unless Jeremy got close enough to someone to want to share it with them. The only thing Jeremy was still stuck on was his last name. He knew that the lawyer in Hartford that Jess had called about the adoption had said that she might not even hear back about a court date until after the holidays, meaning that his adoption might not happen until late January or even February. And he would start at Stars Hollow High School right after the New Year. He didn't want to start as Jeremy Cooper and then switch a month in to Jeremy Mariano. He knew that would raise a lot of questions with teachers and classmates and he didn't want to be the kid whose homelife raised questions. Not anymore. He wanted to be Jeremy Mariano, a normal teenager, with a normal family. He wanted to be able to introduce Jess as his dad without needing to explain their relationship or why they had different last names. He wanted to have the conversation tonight and be able to start using Mariano before he met too many more people and things started getting tricky. Jeremy glanced over at Jess. He wanted to gauge how busy he was. He didn't want to interrupt if Jess was job hunting.

"Hey, Jess." He called hesitantly.

"Hey, Jeremy." Jeremy smiled at the response, knowing it meant Jess was in a playful mood.

"Luke has Scrabble." Jeremy knew it was Jess's favorite board game, and he liked that they had played a few times in the old apartment. Jeremy could take or leave Scrabble on its own merits, but he liked the idea of having something that he and Jess did together, something that could kind of be their thing.

"Oh, yeah?" Jess was looking up from the computer now.

"Yeah." "Uh, am I allowed to play board games while I'm grounded?"

"Hmmm." Jess pretended to consider the question, and Jeremy got the impression that Jess was in a good frame of mind for the conversation he wanted to have. "You're allowed to play board games with me. Possibly even with Luke and the Gilmores. Definitely with Winston. You aren't allowed to meet a cute girl and play board games with her."

Jeremy laughed. "Ok. Do you want to play?"

Jess was already smiling and shutting down the computer. "Sure. If you're in the mood to get your ass kicked."

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Jess watched Jeremy add up his score. "...And a double word score makes it twenty-four! That's a good one!"

"Not bad." Jess agreed. "So, how are you liking Stars Hollow, so far?"

Jeremy smiled. "I like it. Definitely. Everyone seems nicer and, just, happier, than people in the city. Don't you think?"

Jess nodded thoughtfully. "I don't know. They could be. Or, it might just be the effect of the Christmas season. You know, goodwill toward your fellow man, and all that. This time of year always seems to make some people happier."

"Maybe, you're right." The boy paused for a minute as he dug four new tiles out of the bag. "Christmas always used to be the opposite for me. Like, I mostly felt alone and kind of sad, and because everyone is supposed to be so happy at Christmas, I would always feel even worse around the holidays than I did the rest of the year. Like the last two years, I got pretty depressed around Christmas, I guess because I was really lonely and I couldn't see that ever changing."

Jess felt a lump forming in his throat. He wanted to be supportive whenever Jeremy chose to talk about his life before Jess, but Jeremy's childhood wasn't easy to hear about. Jess had to repeatedly remind himself that Jeremy was ok now. He had a family and he was loved. "I'm really glad we found each other, Jeremy. I hate thinking about you on your own like that." Jess fiddled with the tiles in front of him, only half paying attention to his letters as he rearranged them in different orders, testing out words.

"It's so weird. It feels like a lifetime ago to me now….."

Jess smiled at that. It was good to hear. "I was a lot lonelier before I had you in my life, too, you know."

"But, you had Luke and everyone." Jeremy sounded like he was curious, not like he was trying to call Jess on his bullshit.

"I did." Jess agreed. "I know you didn't have any family, and I don't mean to imply that our situations were similar. I know I had it a lot easier than you did. But, I did have a part of my life that was just kind of…...empty, I guess. And, you filled that spot in a way no one else has before."

Jess glanced at the boy before he started laying out his word. Jeremy looked pleased and a little emotional and both reactions made Jess happy. Jess added up his score. "Thirty-six."

Jeremy was the score keeper, and he obediently recorded Jess's score and added it to his balance. "Good one."

"Thanks."

"Hey, Jess, can I ask you something?"

Jess stopped himself mid-reach in replacing his tiles and gave Jeremy his undivided attention. "Of course. You can always ask me anything."

Jeremy looked nervous. He glanced down at his own tiles, but Jess knew it was just an avoidance tactic. "What is it, Jeremy?"

"It's well…like, you know tonight, how I was talking to Sarah and Autumn when you came over?"

"I remember." Jess was immediately impressed. Jeremy did have a problem with what happened, but he had waited to discuss it calmly when they were alone instead of giving Jess attitude or dirty looks when it happened. It was a much more mature approach than Jess would have been capable of at Jeremy's age, and Jess was proud of him for handling the situation like an adult. He mentally prepared to stand his ground.

"Well, like, when you came up to us. I, uh, I just really liked that you introduced yourself as my dad like that."

Oh. Jess was caught off guard. "I liked that, too. I know it isn't official until the adoption, but it already feels right to me."

"Yeah, it feels right to me, too. And, uh, since I'm starting at a new school and meeting all new people, I want to start off just saying that, that you're my dad, without any other explanation. So, I'm glad you're ok with that, too."

"Jeremy, I'm ok with whatever you're comfortable with telling people or not telling people." Jess smiled warmly at his son.

"Thanks. Cause, uh, there's one more thing I wanted to ask you."

"Ok." Jess was curious.

Jeremy looked back down, focusing on his tiles to get himself started. "So, we haven't really talked about what would happen when you adopt me." Jeremy looked up and made hesitant eye contact. "With my name, I mean."

He was right. Jess felt like an idiot for never bringing this up. "You're right. We haven't. What would you like to happen? I'm open to whatever will make you happy."

Jeremy smiled. "I'm thinking, like, just to make it extra official and normal, I guess, that maybe I could change my last name to Mariano." Jess watched fear flicker briefly across the boy's features, and he felt a twinge of guilt that Jeremy thought there was a chance his request would be rejected.

Jess hadn't thought much about Jeremy's name. He assumed the boy was old enough that he would want to keep his own. Jess thought about how many annoying and offensive questions it had raised when he had been a child with a different last name than Liz. But, by the time he had been Jeremy's age, he wouldn't have wanted to change his name to Danes. He had thought about asking Jeremy about it once or twice, but he hadn't wanted Jeremy to interpret the question as pressure. He should have brought it up to gauge where Jeremy's head was, though. He could see that now.

"I would love to have you be a Mariano, Jeremy. But, only if you really want to. I don't want you to think you need to."

Jeremy smirked. "Jess, I don't think anyone's ever _needed_ to be a Mariano. I'm telling you I _want_ to be a Mariano."

Jess huffed out a laugh at the boy's moxie in repeating his words back to him. "Ok. Then, I want you to be a Mariano, too."

"Ok. And, do you think we could get my name changed now? Like before school starts? I want to start as a Mariano and not have to switch part-way through the semester."

Jess nodded thoughtfully. "That makes sense. We can google what we need to do, but I think changing your name is pretty straight-forward and you just need to fill out some paperwork at city hall."

"Thanks, Jess." Jess collected his new tiles and watched Jeremy smile as he moved his around, planning out his next word.

"I'm glad you asked about this." Jess said. "I hadn't given much thought to the name thing. But, I agree that it will definitely be nice to share a name."

"Yeah, it will." Jeremy looked up from his tray with a goofy grin on his face and it made Jess think about how he looked when he had been talking to the girls he met in the town square.

"So, were you into one of those girls?"

Jeremy looked confused. "What girls? Oh, you mean Sarah and Autumn?"

"Yeah. Why, did you meet any other girls today that I should know about?"

"No. But, why are you asking me that? We were just talking. And, it wouldn't matter anyway if I was."

"Why wouldn't it matter?" Jess thought about arriving in Stars Hollow at seventeen to find Rory already attached. He hadn't let that stop him. "Do they have boyfriends, or something?"

Jeremy laughed as he started laying out a word. "Yeah, or something. They're a couple."

Jess was surprised. "Really? They're a couple? How do you know that?"

Jeremy was looking at him like he thought Jess was slow. "Uh, maybe because Sarah introduced Autumn as her girlfriend. That was the tip-off for me. They've been together for almost two years."

"Huh." It hit Jess how different and more civilized Jeremy's generation was than his own. He hadn't gone to school with anyone who had been comfortable enough to be out and dating someone of the same gender in high school.

Jeremy laughed again.

"What's so funny?"

"Uh, maybe the expression on your face." Jeremy laughed again. "Melissa is so right about your generation. You guys are obsessed with sex, but you have all these weird hang-ups at the same time."

"I do not have weird hangups-" Jess started to defend himself, then feigned exasperation. "Oh, you know what, just add up your score!"

Jess watched Jeremy laugh as he tabulated his score. Jess knew his own grin probably looked pretty dopey right about now, too, but he couldn't help himself. He appreciated knowing that he hadn't embarrassed Jeremy in front of the girls he had met, that he had actually made Jeremy very happy just by introducing himself as his dad. But, what he loved most was knowing that Jeremy's happy, goofy grin had been for him.


	23. Chapter 23 - Things are Looking Up

**Chapter 23 Notes:** The boys are settling in in Stars Hollow and things are starting to get better. No major plot movement here. Thanks for all the reviews and I feedback. I love hearing from you guys.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jess woke with a start. He had been in the middle of one of what he had started to call his stress dreams. This one involved the fire. In it, he had convinced Jeremy to stay home from school and the boy had been asleep on the couch with Winston when the fire broke out. Jess had returned from buying more soup and saltines to find the apartment ablaze, his family burning and dying inside as he stood powerless outside watching the flames tear through the building. This was only one variation. Another one involved a break in at the motel. Two men with guns, out of their mind from drugs and looking for money for another fix, Winston kicked across the room and Jeremy shot dead for moving to go to his injured dog. In another, Jess had no one to turn to when things got hard. Luke had died of cancer and left the apartment and diner to April, who Jess had had some sort of vague falling out with. After losing his job, DCFS removed Jeremy because Jess could no longer take care of him. After the fire, Jess and Winston ended up sleeping on the street. Then one morning Jess woke up to find Winston dead, himself totally alone. He often thought about the fact that he never saved the day in any of his dreams. He never rushed into the burning building and rescued Jeremy, or fought back against the gun wielding crack addicts. Even in his dreams, he was never the hero of his own story. He didn't think that could mean anything good about his current level of self-esteem.

"Hey, sleeping beauty!"

"Shit!" Jess jumped, his heart beating wildly in his chest. He turned to see TJ standing in the open doorway of his bedroom, smiling. "Christ, TJ! What the fuck are you doing? You scared the hell out of me!" Jess sat up in bed, trying to calm his body down.

The smile never left TJ's face as he shook his head reprovingly. "Wow, that's a lot of swearing for first thing in the morning! You talk like that in front of your kid, too?"

"No, I don't." Jess ran a hand through his hair. He always felt shaken after a stress dream. He really didn't need TJ in his face right now. "But, he doesn't sneak up on me and scare the crap out of me while I'm sleeping."

"I just came by to put up your door so you could have some privacy."

"Yeah? So, creepy old men can't sneak in here and watch me sleep?" Jess feigned enthusiasm. "Great idea!"

"Hey, I didn't exactly sneak. I knocked." TJ explained good-naturedly. "Your kid let me in. I stood here banging this door against the floor-" TJ illustrated by lifting the door that was just outside Jess's room a few inches from the floor and setting it back down with a loud thud. "For five minutes before you stirred at all. You sleep like the dead."

Jess sighed. "Well, I'm up now."

TJ grinned, and Jess felt instantly annoyed. He tamped down the feeling. TJ was here doing him a favor and they were likely going to be seeing a lot more of each other now that Jess was back in town. He needed to be nice and get along, if not for his own sake then for Luke and Jeremy's. "That's perfect timing. I was thinking maybe you can give me a hand with this door."

"Fine." Jess ran a hand across his face. "Let me just go to the bathroom first."

Jess started to pull back the covers to get up. "Whoa! Whoa! Hey, give a guy a little warning, there!" TJ turned his face to the side and closed his eyes, covering them with one hand.

"Jeez, TJ, I have on pants!" Jess was getting annoyed. He knew the way he had felt about Stars Hollow and his family the day before wouldn't last, but he hadn't expected his bubble to be burst so quickly and so rudely.

"Oh, yeah?" TJ separated two fingers and peeked through them at his step-son.

Jess was getting out of bed, wearing sleep pants and a long-sleeve tee shirt "Yes, TJ. I have a kid living with me. I have no door. And on top of that it's winter in New England. What part of that scenario made you jump to the conclusion that I'd be half-naked, sleeping pantless in some kind of Victorian nightgown like Ebenezer Scrooge?"

TJ dropped his hand. "I dunno. I sleep pantless regardless of the weather. Lizzie likes it better like that, so there's nothing in the way-"

Jess raised one hand palm out. "Please stop! I really don't need to hear about that." Jess approached the doorway, but TJ hadn't moved. "Excuse me, TJ."

The man made a show of dramatically stepping aside to let Jess through, with a slight bow and a flourish of one arm that looked to Jess like something he would have picked up on the Renaissance circuit. "You are excused." Jess rolled his eyes as he walked to the bathroom. He wasn't in the mood for this shit first thing in the morning.

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"Ok. I need you to come over here and hold this door up for me, kid." TJ said.

Jess had used the bathroom and washed his face and was feeling more alive. He looked around the apartment and saw Winston sleeping on the living room floor, but no Jeremy. Jess grabbed the door where TJ indicated and lifted it. "Hey, do you know where Jeremy is?"

"Yup. I sent him downstairs for breakfast." TJ had turned around and was crouched in front of his tool box, casually looking for something.

"He's not supposed to leave the apartment without telling me."

TJ didn't look up. "Yeah, he said something about that. He was all nervous about it. I told him it was fine. I never would have pegged you for being such a hardass with your kid."

"I'm not a hardass-"

"I mean, he's right downstairs, and it's not like he's five years old. And, Luke's down there and everything. How much trouble can he really get into?"

"TJ, if you aren't ready to do this, I'm putting this down." Jess gently lowered the door to rest on the floor. "It's heavy."

"I wouldn't have pictured you being so strict with your kid and everything. You did _not_ get that from Lizzie, I can tell you that much. It must be Luke's influence. He seems like he would have been a hardass as a parent. Was he?"

Jess huffed out a laugh. "Are you serious? Not even close. And, I'm not being strict. Jeremy and I just have an…...understanding that he needs to talk to me before he goes out."

"Hey, he's not exactly out. He's still in the building. Plus, I said he could go, and I'm kind of like his grandfather, right?"

"Technically." Jess considered adding step-grandfather, but it felt too petty. He watched TJ pick something out of his tool box and hold it up to inspect more closely. It looked suspiciously like a fishing lure, and Jess wondered if the man had brought his tackle box instead of his tool box.

"And, Lizzie. She's his grandmother, right?"

"Of course, she is. What are you getting at?" Jess was losing his patience. TJ was only tolerable to Jess in very small increments and this one was starting to go on too long. Jess could count on one hand all the one-on-one conversations he had ever had with TJ, and he was starting to remember why he didn't make a habit of them.

TJ turned toward Jess, still crouched on the floor. "It's just. Well, Liz really wants to be Jeremy's grandma."

Jess sighed, trying not to let his exasperation show, but questioning whether this conversation was really worth getting a door. He had lived here for two years without one before, he was pretty sure he could live through it again. "I thought we just established that she is."

"Yeah, but she wants to be the real deal. She wants to bake him cookies and knit him sweaters and do all the regular grandma things with him."

"Does Liz even know how to knit a sweater?" Jess knew the disdain in his voice was rude, but he couldn't help himself.

"Hey, she's learning." Jess chafed at TJ's reproving tone, but didn't say anything because even he realized he was being unnecessarily mean. "And, she wants Jeremy to call her Grandma."

Jess sighed. "That's fine. What Jeremy calls Liz is between him and Liz. I have no problem with him calling her Grandma."

TJ had apparently found what he was looking for and stood up. "All right, lift it up again. I'm ready." Jess did as instructed, adjusting his positioning as TJ lined up the hinges. "I guess, the problem as I see it, is I don't think that's very realistic to think that Jeremy is going to be comfortable calling Liz Grandma when he hears you calling her Liz. You get what I mean?"

"TJ, with all due respect, my relationship with my mother is none of your business." Jess felt his annoyance turning to real irritation and he fought to keep it from becoming anger.

"I beg to differ, kid. A little this way." TJ pulled on the edge of the door to adjust the lineup of the hinges and Jess moved slightly to accommodate him. "Liz is my wife and what upsets her, upsets me."

"I'll let Jeremy know that I'm fine with him calling Liz Grandma. If he wants to. I'm not going to force him if he isn't comfortable doing it."

"Hey, of course, no one's talking about forcing the kid to do something he doesn't want to. He seems like a good kid. I'm sure he'd be willing to do it if he knows how much it matters to Liz."

"I said I'd talk to him. That's all I can do."

"You could also start calling Liz, oh, I don't know, maybe 'Mom.'"

"I said I'll talk to Jeremy. But, what I call Liz is between me and her." Jess was getting angry now, and he knew it was evident in his voice. "I haven't called her mom since I was fourteen. And, I had good reasons to stop. This isn't your business, TJ. You need to leave this alone."

"Whoa!" TJ pulled back from Jess dramatically. "What's with all the attitude? It was just a suggestion. I just thought, that, you know, it wouldn't be a hard thing to do and it would make her so happy."

"Leave it alone, TJ." Jess said, his voice calmer. "I get that you're looking out for Liz, but you need to stay out of this."

TJ crouched to fasten the bottom hinge. "She's a good mom now. To Doula."

"I never said she wasn't."

"And, she wants the chance to be a good mom to you, too. She's thinking, we're both thinking really, that having you back here, this is a good chance for us to get closer as a family. She knows that things weren't that great when you were a kid-"

"It wasn't 'things'... A more accurate statement would be that 'she' wasn't that great when I was a kid."

TJ nodded, his concentration on the hinge in front of him. "She knows that, too. She wants a second chance with you. She wants to be part of your real family."

"What are you talking about? She is part of my real family. She's my mother."

"Yeah, but the way she sees it, the way we both see it, is that you like Luke better than her. When you come to visit you always stay with him. And, I get it now, with your kid and dog and everything, you need more space. But, even when it was just you, you always stayed with Luke. We have a spare room at our place, too, but you never stayed with us. You'd spend all your time with Luke and give us one dinner or something if you were home for a long weekend. You treat us like we're your second class family. And, that hurts her. The first time you came back to Stars Hollow, after we bought the house, Lizzie fixed up the spare room like a guest room for you. She got a couch that pulled out into a bed. Bought a rug, and a lamp for the nightstand because she knew you liked to read in bed. She was sure that you would want to stay with her now that we had the space, but she was too nervous to ask you. She was very sad when you didn't."

Jess could feel that he was no longer supporting the door. It was hung. But, TJ didn't stop fiddling with the hinge and Jess didn't let go, knowing the conversation would only get worse if they were face to face. Jess thought about the weekend TJ was talking about. He remembered spending almost all of it with Luke, sleeping in his old room while Luke slept in his. He remembered Luke pressuring him to go by Liz's house and his twenty-one year-old self finally giving in on Sunday night, and passive aggressively showing no interest in the tour of the house that Liz had given him, out of spite toward the woman who never asked about his career or his life in Philadelphia. The idea of Liz prepping a guest room for him, but being too afraid to ask him to stay made him sadder than he would have expected, even as he reminded himself that Liz had been reaping what she had sown during his childhood. But, that had been twelve years ago. Things had changed. Jess had gotten over the bulk of his issues with Liz. He wasn't as spiteful now.

"She knows she messed some stuff up with you when you were a kid. But, she loves you and she wants to make it right. Or, as right as you can make something twenty or thirty years later. And, I know you don't like me very much, Jess. You've never hid that very well. And, if you want to spend more time with Liz, just the two of you, I'll give you guys space. I don't need to be around if you want it to just be you and Liz, and maybe Doula and Jeremy. I know how important this is to Liz, so I can do that, stay out of the way and everything, if that's what you want."

Jess couldn't keep up the charade of holding up the door. He let go and took a couple of steps back. He felt bad, and oblivious, like a thoughtless bully, unknowingly making Liz and TJ's lives harder. "I don't not like you, TJ."

TJ laughed and looked up at Jess. "I know I'm no Einstein, Jess, but you must think I'm even dumber than I thought if you expect me to believe that."

Jess didn't know what to say. He felt ashamed of his transparency. He hadn't realized he had been so obvious. He had thought he had come to tolerate TJ well over the years. He didn't exactly like the man, but he couldn't say he really disliked him anymore either. He was just TJ, Liz's weird husband. Jess honestly didn't give him all that much thought anymore.

"I'm sorry I put my hands on you at my bachelor party. It wasn't a good way to start things off with you."

"What?" Jess was caught off guard. He knew what TJ was talking about, but he hadn't thought of the incident in years. "Why are you bringing that up now?"

"In case an apology makes a difference. I've done some soul searching over the years about you, Jess, and that's what I always come back to as to when our relationship went bad before it even really started."

"It's fine. I haven't thought about that in ages. If I remember correctly, I was being a little shit that night, too."

"Yeah, you were, but that doesn't make what I did ok."

"It's fine, TJ. Really."

"I'm a pretty good husband to Lizzie."

"I know that. She's never, in my life, been clean for as long as she has since she's been with you. I know you two must be good together."

"And, I'm a good father to Doula. I think. Parenting is hard. You know that now, I guess. But, I'm as good as I can be at it."

Jess just nodded, not sure what to say to that.

"I know you're not that crazy about me, and I don't know if I can ever change that. But, I can tell you this much. If I'd been in Jimmy's shoes, way back when, I wouldn't have gone out for diapers and never come back. I would have done my best for you and your mom. That I know for sure."

Jess nodded, realizing that he believed him. TJ was a lot of things, but he wasn't a quitter. "I know you would have."

"Well." TJ got to his feet. "I think I covered everything I wanted to say to you." He picked up his toolbox. "Enjoy your door, kid." TJ smiled and patted Jess on the arm as he walked by.

"Thanks for doing this, by the way. Putting up the doors and the walls and stuff. I appreciate it." Jess folded his arms across his chest, suddenly feeling self-conscious and young, and wishing he wasn't still in his sleep clothes.

"No problem, Jess."

"See you guys tomorrow night for Jeremy's birthday dinner, right?"

"We wouldn't miss it. Lizzie got him this gift-" TJ stopped himself, smiling broadly. "Let's just say, you're going to really hate it." TJ laughed to himself and headed out the door.

Jess headed back to the bathroom to shower and think about the odd start to his day.

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The late-morning weekday lull was just settling in at the diner. The only customers remaining were finishing their meals at two tables by the window. Jeremy was perched on a stool refilling napkin dispensers, while Luke wiped down the counter. Jeremy hadn't been sure whether he should leave the apartment, but TJ had been so insistent. Jeremy figured that he and Jess must have had family stuff to discuss, so he had obeyed and come down to the diner, where Luke had welcomed him and assured him that Jess would be fine with it. Luke had also made him eggs and french toast for breakfast, which he had devoured at the counter while Luke worked, afterwards asking if there was anything he could do to help and being assigned the napkin job. TJ had walked out through the diner about fifteen minutes ago, and Jeremy wasn't sure if he should wait where he was, or if Jess would expect him to head back up now that TJ had left. Overall, Jeremy felt like he didn't question every small choice about what to do or say with Jess as much as he used to. He felt that he was at a place that he rarely reached with other people and certainly had never been at with any of his former foster parents. He was comfortable in a way he couldn't remember ever being before, secure in knowing that Jess loved him and that he was a part of Jess's family for good, and that nothing stupid he did or said was going to change that.

As horrible as that night in the motel room had been, when he had gone to New York with Melissa and come home at three a.m., he could see now that it had been a good thing for their relationship on some level. He had been petrified in the Uber back to the motel that night, worried that his behavior would have pushed his already stressed foster father over the edge. That Jess would realize he was more hassle than he was worth and get rid of him. When he didn't, well, Jeremy couldn't really explain how, but he could sense a seismic shift in their relationship. No one since his parents had ever kept loving him even when he had done something really bad before. And, Jess had. And, without realizing it at the time, Jeremy had come to feel safer with Jess. Sure, Jess had been scary mad, and Jeremy had gotten yelled at pretty intensely that night, and he was still grounded and not allowed to text Melissa, which sucked, but Jess had kept him and continued to love him. Jeremy had felt their family becoming more real as they were tested, first by Jess losing his job and then by the fire. Jess had kept Jeremy with him through all of it, even though Jeremy realized it would have been easier for Jess on his own. With no kid and no dog, he could have stayed with friends or rented a room in an apartment where someone needed a roommate. He could have bought himself more time to stay in Philadelphia and find another job there. But, he had kept Jeremy and Winston with him through everything. The night in the motel felt like one more test of their family bonds. A big one. Now, Jeremy felt comfortable that even his own stupid behavior wouldn't push Jess to give up on being his dad.

Jeremy didn't feel that he would be so worried about Jess's reaction to his leaving the apartment if it weren't for the mitigating circumstances of his being grounded. He didn't want to mess anything up there and make Jess think he was being disrespectful in any way. He had to admit, it had been nice sitting down in the diner and talking to Luke, though. And, in the end, Jeremy trusted Luke to talk Jess out of any anger he might have about Jeremy coming downstairs without talking to him. He trusted that Jess would listen to Luke even if he couldn't see Jeremy's side of things.

"So, Jeremy." Luke said as he tossed the rag under the counter and stood across the counter from Jeremy. "I've been thinking-" Luke stopped as Jess pushed back the curtain and walked into the diner. "Hey, Nephew." Luke turned and greeted him warmly.

"Hey, Luke." Jess's expression was neutral, and Jeremy couldn't tell whether the man was angry. He mostly looked tired. "Hey, Jeremy." Jess nodded toward the collection of napkin dispensers on the counter as he walked around and took a seat on the stool next to Jeremy's. "Luke putting you to work?"

Jeremy smiled, and reflexively held up the half full dispenser in his hand. "I offered to help."

"Funny, you should ask that, Jess." Luke said as he poured a cup of coffee and set it in front of Jess, who thanked him before taking a sip. "I was just about to tell Jeremy that Heather, you remember Heather, right, Jess?" Jess grunted noncommittally into his mug and Jeremy wasn't sure if that meant Jess didn't remember Heather or didn't like her. "Well, she put in her notice last week. She finished college last May and she was finally able to get a job in her field in Boston and she's moving in a few weeks. So, the only servers I have right now are Monica and Jenya, and they're both part-time because they're in college in Hartford, and myself, when Cesar is on the grill, obviously."

"Ok." Jess was watching Luke, his expression unreadable.

"Anyway, I was thinking. I would like to have another part-time server on staff, and I know you liked working here when you were a kid-"

"Luke, if you're offering me my old job back, I'm flattered, but I really feel like I should do a little more looking around before I totally give up on life and go back to waiting tables at my uncle's diner. No offense." Jeremy could hear the playful sarcasm in Jess's voice and he knew then that Jess wasn't mad.

"None taken, Nephew." Luke was smiling and Jeremy liked that Luke understood Jess's nature, that even when he sounded like a dick, he was sometimes just connecting with someone he cared about.

"And, I would never take money from you on top of everything else, but if you need extra help while you're waitstaff is in flux, I'd be happy to help you out for free." Jess said.

"Thanks, Jess. I'll keep you in mind. But, I gotta say, you're my second choice right now to fill the open server position." Luke shot a quick glance over at Jeremy, who had been eagerly listening to their exchange and wondering if Luke was going to suggest that he work for him. Jeremy focused on filling his napkin dispenser and trying not to look like he was expecting anything, in case he was misreading the situation. It wasn't like he had any experience working in a restaurant like Jess did. Luke turned his attention back to Jess. "I was going to offer Jeremy a job. If that's ok with you." Jeremy looked up to watch Jess's reaction. He knew they needed the money, but he wasn't sure what the rules were about working while he was grounded.

"Huh." Jess looked serious, as if mulling over something important and unexpected, but Jeremy could see through it. He knew Jess had seen the offer coming as he had, that maybe he and Luke had even discussed it already. "Do you really think Jeremy can fill my shoes as a server? If I recall correctly, customers loved my friendly charm and dry wit and many specifically requested to be seated in my section because of my sparkling personality. I'm just sayin. It's quite the legacy to live up to. I don't want the kid feeling pressured because I set the bar so high."

Jeremy could feel himself grinning, but wasn't sure if he should make his feelings known, since no one had actually asked his opinion yet.

Luke smirked. "If _I_ recall correctly, you spent more time standing behind the counter reading a book than you did working, you gave customers so much attitude that some of my more sensitive regulars avoided the diner during your shifts, and I believe Kirk is still traumatized from the time you served him breakfast with the runny egg yolk touching the pancakes and refused to get him a new order when he complained." Luke moved his hands around to pantomine the eggs and the pancakes bumping into each other with an explosive effect and it made Jess smile.

Jeremy enjoyed watching their exchange, recognizing all the love and shared history that went into being able to jokingly insult someone in this way. Jess turned to him. "What do you think, Jeremy? Do you want to work for Luke?"

Jeremy knew his broad smile had already given away his answer. "I would love to." The boy turned toward Luke. "I don't have any experience. I tried to get a job in Philly, but no one would hire me without experience, so I couldn't get any. But, I really, really want a job. And, I promise, I'll work really hard and do whatever you say."

Luke smiled warmly at him, and Jeremy recognized it as the smile Jess often gave him. "That's good enough for me. But, just one thing." Luke's expression became serious, and he jabbed one index finger against the counter as he spoke. "This job doesn't interfere with your studying, got it? School has to come first."

"Huh. I probably should have thought to say that." Jess said, casual and unworried as he sipped his coffee. Luke smiled.

"Yes, of course." Jeremy said. "I won't let working here interfere with school. I promise."

"Don't worry, Luke." Jess said. "Jeremy's much smarter than I was. He's not going to throw away his future for a part-time job." Jeremy watched Jess sip his coffee with a heaviness in his heart. He knew Jess was joking, but he didn't like seeing Jess put himself down.

"Ok, then. I guess you're hired." Luke extended his hand with a smile and Jeremy shook it. "You can start with the dinner shift tonight if that's ok. Heather will be here, and she can train you."

Jeremy turned to Jess. "That's ok, right, Jess?"

"It's fine with me. But, be warned, my friend, Luke is a tyrant to work for. He'll pick on your clothes, not let you make out with your girlfriend while you're on the clock, and routinely be in flagrant violation of U.S. labor laws. But, other than that, have fun." Jess smiled with comically exaggerated brightness.

Jeremy could still feel himself grinning. "I think I can take it."

"Well, I'm excited that you're going to be working here, Jeremy. Some of the best bonding time I got with Jess when he was your age was when he was working here. Isn't that right, Jess?"

Jess shrugged. "Hey, one man's bonding is another's indentured servitude."

"Wise-ass." Luke laughed and smacked Jess on the shoulder with a menu as he walked past him to greet a couple that had just sat down at a table.

Jeremy turned to Jess. "Thanks for letting me work here."

"No problem. It's not like you can't use the money for college and stuff."

"Is it ok that I came down here? TJ told me to. He said he needed to talk to you alone."

"It's fine, Jeremy." Jess placed one hand on Jeremy's shoulder and was giving him the warm, everything's-ok smile that Jeremy knew meant he wasn't hiding his nervousness and anxiety as well as he thought he was.

"Thanks. I know I'm still grounded and everything, but TJ was pretty insistent…"

"It's ok, really." Jess returned his hand to the counter in front of him.

"Do, I, uh…" Jeremy looked around the diner and lowered his voice. "Do I need to go back upstairs now?"

Jess smiled and patted him on the leg. "I think you're good right here. Why don't you pass me some of those napkins, and I'll give you a hand?"

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Jess had gone out for a walk during Jeremy's first shift at the diner. He was a little jealous that Jeremy would be spending so much of his time with Luke instead of him, but he also thought that the time apart would be good for their relationship. They had been living on top of each other at the motel and he knew they would be spending a lot of time together in Stars Hollow, since neither of them had friends in town and Jeremy wasn't going to be allowed out to make any new ones for a while. And, of course, it was important for Jeremy to have a job, for his self-esteem and to save money for college. Jess knew that. But, he couldn't help thinking about what Luke had said about bonding with him when he had been a teenager. He remembered avoiding Luke as much as he could when he had first moved in, by going out most nights, even if it was just to sit on the bridge by himself, or escaping into a book when it was too cold or late to go out. But, he hadn't been able to get away from Luke in the diner, and Luke was right, that was where a lot of their bonding had happened in the early days of their relationship. Jess wasn't jealous of his uncle and his son bonding. He liked to think he wasn't that much of a selfish asshole, and he did want Jeremy to have a good relationship with all his relatives, and even if Liz and TJ were technically the boy's grandparents, Jess liked the idea of Luke being a grandpa type person for Jeremy. But this, working together, was a big thing, and Jess worried that he was going to be left out.

As so many of his walks had in the past, this one ended up at Stars Hollow Books. Jess walked in, grateful to get out of the cold, and saw Andrew behind the counter ringing up a sale for a woman with a little girl. Jess had always liked Andrew. He was one of the few adults in town who hadn't treated Jess like he was a juvenile delinquent when he had lived in Stars Hollow the first time around. Jess had attributed Andrew's accepting attitude toward him to their shared love of reading. Plus, after all these years and poor sales, he still stocked Jess's book, _The_ _Subsect_ , in his local writers section, which made Jess like him even more.

Jess walked by that display now. _The Subsect_ was still in it's usual spot and Jess wondered if it was the same actual copy that he saw at least once a year when he returned to Stars Hollow. The book hadn't done well on the market and only the 500 original copies had ever been printed. It hurt somewhere deep inside to think about how hopeful his twenty-one year-old self had been when he finished that book and found someone willing to publish is. Jess briefly wondered how the novel would have fared in a reprint now if he had stayed on at Truncheon and the reprint had the backing of a marketing machine like Penguin Random House. But, there was no sense thinking about that now. He saw a few other books by writers from Hartford and surrounding towns. Some he had heard of on his own and some he recognized from stopping by this table in prior years. One new addition stood out, in the center of the display, hardcover bound in red, white and blue. Jess read the title. _Leading Stars Hollow to Greatness: One man's story of courage and perseverance._ "What the fuck….." Jess muttered under his breath.

"You found Taylor's memoir, didn't you?"

Jess looked up to see the customers gone and Andrew with his eyes down, counting out singles from the cash drawer. The man looked up with a small smile. "I've heard that same reaction a few times a day since I started stocking his book."

"I can see why." Jess was leafing through the book. "Wow. This reads like a how-to guide for dictators. Who's his target market, Duterte and Trump?" Jess skimmed some more. "Oh, my god, in chapter 3, he actually recommends that towns institute 'community shunning,' his words, for anyone who refuses to maintain their grass at the eye-pleasing height of one and a half inches." Jess looked up at Andrew, a look of joking alarm on his face. "Please tell me that Taylor's book hasn't sold more copies than mine. Even if it's not true, please tell me that anyway."

Andrew chuckled. "The only person who's bought Taylor's book so far has been Kirk. But, he bought a lot of copies for gifts, so I'm guessing it's going to be sitting on a lot of bookshelves in town come Christmas morning. Or providing kindling for fireplaces."

Jess chuckled. "Now, I've seen it all." Jess shut the book and flipped it over. "He self-publish?"

"What do you think?"

Jess huffed out a laugh. If he wasn't so broke, he would buy this as a Christmas gift for Luke, just to watch him get all annoyed when he opened it. But, his current situation lacked the budget for gag gifts. It hit him that Christmas was only a few days away and he had yet to buy gifts for anyone. He had gotten in the habit of visiting Stars Hollow in mid-December and then spending the actual holiday in Baltimore with Charisse's family and just mailing out presents for Luke, April and Doula, but he didn't know what was expected of him now that he would be seeing the Gilmores and Liz and TJ on Christmas eve and day. He needed to check with Luke. He at least wanted to pick up something for Leelee, so that he would have all the kids in the family covered. He would try to pick up something thoughtful and not too expensive for the Gilmores and Liz and TJ if he could. He didn't want to offend and figured it was better to be safe. He and Liz hadn't exchanged Christmas presents since he was a kid, but based on his conversation with TJ, he figured she would have something for him this year.

"I heard you're back in town and looking for work."

Jess could feel the smile fading from his face, as his employment concerns moved back to the forefront of his mind. "That I am."

"Well, I know you're overqualified for this, but my assistant manager, Harold, is retiring at the end of the year. Do you remember Harold?"

Jess smiled at the memory of the grumpy old man who had worked for Andrew since before Jess's first period of residency in Stars Hollow. "Of course, I do. The guy's been like a fixture here. He turned me on to P.G. Wodehouse when I was in town last year."

"Yeah, Harold loves a good British humorist." Andrew nodded. "He and his wife are retiring and heading down to South Carolina in January to be near their daughter and grandkids."

"Huh." Jess was having trouble picturing someone with Harold's sour disposition having a wife and children who actually wanted him around. "Well, good for Harold."

"Yep. And, I'm going to need to hire someone to replace him. I know it's not what you're probably looking for since it's sales instead of publishing…..and the pay wouldn't be what you're used to from working in the city, but it's full-time and it includes health insurance…."

"Are you serious?"

Andrew shrugged, and Jess could tell he had thrown him off, that Andrew was worried he might have offended him with the offer. "Luke said you were looking, and I know how much you read…Like I said, I know it's not what you're probably looking for, and I wouldn't expect you to stay until you retire, like Harold. I'll be long gone by then anyway-"

"Yes! Yes, I'm interested. I'm very interested!" Jess knew it was likely little more than minimum wage, but it had health insurance. That was something. The commute was negligible. He had no rent to cover at the moment. And it was a job. A start toward saving for college for Jeremy. He would likely need a second job, and maybe a third, but this was definitely a start. It was something to work with.

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After going over some details with Andrew, Jess was walking back to the diner reflecting on how easy things already felt in Stars Hollow. Two days ago he and Jeremy had been sharing a motel room in a bad neighborhood, where Jess had been struggling to feed and support them and bombarded with constant stress. And, now they were living in a decent apartment with their own bedroom doors, in a safe town, where he and Jeremy had been welcomed and each given a job thanks to family connections. Jess was grateful. So very grateful. He didn't want to work in a small town bookstore forever, but he wanted to do a good job while he was there. He already had ideas of how to increase foot traffic to the store, with author readings, discussion groups, and displays of local art. He felt like he had a good understanding of what worked from his days at Truncheon and he felt like he wanted to be more than just an adequate assistant manager. He wanted to add real value to Andrew's business to thank him for helping him out like this. He wanted Andrew to look back at the before and after of having hired Jess and see distinct improvement in sales. He wanted to feel worthy and competent again.

Jess's last thought as he lay in bed that night, after listening to Jeremy's stories of how much fun he had had at his first shift at the diner and telling him about the job he was offered at the bookstore, and thinking about how much better things had become in the short time they had been in town, had been about Rory. Jess wondered if this was how she had been sucked back into complacency in Stars Hollow, too. By its stealthful and easy charm.


	24. Chapter 24 - A Stars Hollow Birthday

**Chapter 24 Notes:** Jeremy gets to celebrate his birthday with his family in Stars Hollow. Michel makes a brief appearance, and was very fun to write. Thanks for all the thoughtful and kind reviews and to everyone still following and reading this story. Every time I put up a new post and realize what chapter number I'm on, I feel like I should start heading into a wrap-up, but I still have several more story lines that I want to include in Stars Hollow. I'm grateful for all the readers who are still with me even though this story is getting pretty darn long! Thank you guys! :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jess was feeling good as he walked over to the Dragonfly Inn the next morning. He had a job to start on January first. His kid had started a job the night before. They would have money coming in soon and be able to start tucking something away for Jeremy's college. And the cherry on top was the email Jess had received from Jeremy's former social worker this morning. The one with the electronic version of the picture of Jeremy's mom that had burned in the fire. Jess had remembered hearing in his foster care class that social workers make copies of important papers and photos that children bring into the system with them for safekeeping, in case children lose them or they are destroyed somehow. Jess figured it had been worth a shot to call and check, and Ms. Garcia hadn't disappointed, telling him to give her a few days to go look through her old files. He had kept it a secret from Jeremy, not wanting to get the boy's hopes up if nothing came of it, and now he was planning to print out the picture and present it to Jeremy in a card after they returned from dinner at Luke's. He could still remember holding Jeremy in the car while the boy sobbed over losing the original. He knew it was too personal and emotional a gift to give Jeremy at dinner when the rest of the family was giving him their presents. He was hoping for happy tears this time around. He just needed access to a color printer, and Luke had sent him over to the Inn to use Lorelai's because they didn't have one at the house.

Things were definitely on an upswing in Stars Hollow. The only thing currently bothering Jess, other than the big picture state of his life that he tried not to let himself think about, was that Jeremy's grounding was turning out to not be much of a punishment at all. Last night, they had worked out how having a job would affect his grounding and had come to the understanding that Jeremy would now be allowed out of the apartment for school, work, and Jess-approved family events. And with all the family they had in Stars Hollow, Jess knew that Jeremy would be spending a lot of time out. Jess thought about the coming weekend and how they were celebrating Jeremy's birthday tonight at Luke and Lorelai's, then Christmas Eve tomorrow and Christmas on Sunday. It's not like he wanted to torture the kid, but he didn't want to be a pushover about this either. He could still remember how out of his mind with worry he had been while Jeremy was off running around New York with his girlfriend until three a.m. and he wanted the boy to suffer some sort of consequence for his behavior. The only thing that seemed to be bothering Jeremy at all right now was not being able to text Melissa, so Jess definitely intended to stick to the no-phone aspect of the boy's punishment. It occurred to him that Jeremy knew what drawer Jess had put his phone in, and he wondered if he should be checking to make sure Jeremy wasn't using it behind his back. He knew the chances were good that he himself would have done that in Jeremy's shoes. And, Jeremy was a good kid, but even good kids could be tempted when they wanted something bad enough…..Maybe it had been naive to just put the phone in Luke's old desk drawer and declare it off-limits. Maybe he should have asked Luke to keep it as his place, in an undisclosed location. Or maybe he was being paranoid and suspicious for no reason. Jess didn't want to be that kind of parent. He trusted his kid. Then again, Jeremy had given in to temptation and gone to New York to begin with….

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"Hey, Jess!" Lorelai came out from behind the reception desk as if to hug Jess. Jess saw the look of hesitation in her eye as she got close and realized what she was doing and seemed to think better of it. She had almost dropped her arms when Jess met her halfway. The result was an extremely brief and awkward half-hug that left Jess feeling off balance. He wasn't even sure why he had done it. Or why she had started it. And he had wasted the effort, with Michel as the only witness, without Luke there to see it and give him credit for his show of goodwill. Jess couldn't remember he and Lorelai ever hugging before. In light of his last few weeks in Philly, holding a grudge against Lorelai didn't seem as important as it used to, especially when she was graciously willing to let him use her printer.

"Hey, Lorelai. It's good to see you." That was something he was pretty sure he had never said before.

"Hey, you, too." Lorelai was all smiles and Jess realized that she had always been better at being civil to him than he had to her, or at least she had become better at it once she had started dating Luke. He needed to get better at. If there's one thing the last few weeks had taught him, it was the importance of being on good terms with your family when you were in a bind, and whether or not he liked it, he could admit that Lorelai was in his family now. "I'm so glad you guys are going to be here for Christmas this year."

"Uh, yeah. Yeah. Me too." Jess pulled off his knit hat and shoved it in his jacket pocket. "Thanks for letting us crash your holiday."

"Hey, you're not crashing!" Lorelai said. "I think it's so fun that Luke and I get to have you guys here for Leelee and Jeremy's first Christmas. Well, I know it's not Jeremy's first Christmas. He's obviously had other Christmases, it's not like he was just born like Leelee, but what I meant was that it's his first Christmas as a part of the Gilmore family, er, the Danes-Mariano family-" Lorelai cut herself off and took a deep breath and Jess realized that she was as nervous as he was. It had felt ok to not get along when they had seen each other briefly a couple of times a year, but now that he was moving back and wanted to have one big happy family for Jeremy, the stakes seemed higher. He was getting the impression they did to her as well, and he thought about how they both had one thing in common. They both loved Luke and wanted to make him happy.

"I know what you mean. I'm looking forward to his first Christmas with us, too." Jess felt like that was a diplomatic answer. 'Us' could include Lorelai or not, it was up to her interpretation. "And, his birthday. Thanks for having us over for that tonight, by the way. I know it means a lot to Jeremy to have family members who want to celebrate his birthday, so thank you."

"Well, I'd tell you you're welcome and take credit for any part of it, but I think we both know it will be all Luke in the kitchen tonight. He's been researching vegetarian recipes online all week."

"I'm sure Jeremy will appreciate that." Jess huffed out a laugh. "Though he might be the only one."

Lorelai laughed. "I know, right! I was pushing for a side of sliders and tater tots for the rest of us, but Luke said absolutely not. You know how he can be."

"Yep." Jess nodded, worried they were running out of small talk.

Lorelai must have felt it, too. "So, uh, Michel here will let you on the computer. The printer's right over there." She pointed to the small printer on the counter behind the reception desk. "I need to run back and check on something in the kitchen. You're in good hands." She turned to Michel with a serious look. "Right, Michel?"

Jess watched the man look up from the computer with a bored expression on his face. "Yes, Lorelai. Your beloved step-nephew will be safe with me."

"Ok, then." Lorelai smiled at Jess.

"Thanks for this, Lorelai. I really appreciate it."

"Of course, it's no problem." Lorelai smiled and waved and hurried off toward the kitchen.

When Jess turned back toward the desk, Michel was openly staring at him and it was making Jess a little uncomfortable. "Thanks for helping me out like this, Michel. This should only take a couple of minutes-"

"So, mini mountain man. I hear you are moving back to Stars Hollow. Tell me, did the real world eat you up and spit you out like it did with little Lorelai?"

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Thirty minutes later, Michel had finally reached what he considered 'a suitable stopping point' in whatever he had been doing and allowed Jess to use the computer while he took his break. Jess had quickly logged into his email account and printed the photo. He had set it on the desk while he got himself ready to head back out. Lorelai walked up then, and halted in surprise. "Oh, you're still here!"

"Yeah." Jess acknowledged as he pulled his jacket back on. "Michel was in the middle of something, so I had to wait a while to get on the computer."

Lorelai made an apologetic face. "I'm sorry about that. I should have stayed to chaperone. Michel doesn't always play well with new people."

"It's fine." Jess assured her, as he zipped up his jacket. "He did give me the free piece of life advice that I should shave more frequently. So, I got that out of it."

Lorelai chuckled. "Hey, who's the pretty lady?"

Jess looked over at Lorelai as he pulled his hat out of his jacket pocket and saw that she was checking out the picture he had printed. "That's Jeremy's mother."

"Oh."

"Jeremy had the original of that picture. It was all he had left of her, and it got destroyed in the fire. I was able to track down a copy with his social worker." Jess took a step toward Lorelai and looked down, studying the picture alongside her. "You're printer's really good. It's not quite the same as a real photo, but it's much better than I thought it would look."

"He's going to love that you found this for him." Jess could hear the warmth in Lorelai's voice for Jeremy and it made him feel an unexpected fondness toward her.

"Yeah. I think he's going to be pretty happy to have it back. He was really broken up when he lost the original. I felt awful for him." "He's such a good kid, and all these bad things keep happening to him. It just feels so…..unfair."

Jess felt a hand lightly and tentatively pat the back of his jacket, and he realized how close he and Lorelai were standing.

"It's a really great thing you've done for him, hon."

"It wasn't a big deal, really. All it took was a call to his social worker."

Jess felt two more gentle pats on the back, his eyes still trained on Jeremy's mother's face. "Sure. Because that's all I was talking about." He could hear the playful sarcasm in Lorelai's voice and for once it didn't piss him off.

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"This is really nice of Luke and Lorelai to have us over for my birthday like this." Jeremy was reflecting on how little fanfare there had been for his birthday the past couple of years at the group home. Birthdays had been celebrated at dinner and the birthday boy got to pick what he wanted served from the list of about ten rotating options. He also got to pick a present from a list of stuff that could be provided by donation from a foster parent association. Last year he had picked a gift card to a clothing store. There was a half-hearted rendition of happy birthday sung mostly by the group home staff as a cake with candles was brought out, but the whole thing always felt impersonal and sad. The other kids could have cared less when it was someone's birthday, and the staff were being paid to celebrate it. Jeremy felt a wave of sadness hit him at the memory of how lonely he had felt on most of his birthdays. He looked away from Jess and blinked a few times to keep his eyes from welling up and ruining everything. They were walking over to Luke's house since it was an unseasonably warm evening and he didn't want to have to explain his tears to Jess when this was supposed to be a good night.

"Well, they're nice people. And they care about you. They want your first birthday with us to be special." Jess said. Jeremy kept his eyes on Winston, who was walking along in front of him. They were bringing him over to socialize with Paul Anka, even though Paul Anka had yet to get anywhere near Winston. The two dogs mostly stayed on opposite sides of the living room from each other and eyed each other suspiciously, but they didn't fight or bark at each other, so it made Jeremy happy to think that Winston had a canine friend, and it beat the alternative of leaving Winston home by himself.

"They are nice people." Jeremy agreed. It still sometimes amazed him that he was now part of a family of nice people.

"So, Liz and TJ and Doula are going to be there, too."

"I know. You told me." Jeremy said. "I've been working on some new signs. I learned how to ask Doula if she's excited for Christmas and if she likes to play in the snow." Jeremy laughed lightly. "Of course, if she signs back anything more detailed than a yes or no answer, I'll be stuck, but I figure it's a start."

"It's a great start. I love that you're learning ASL, Jeremy. Even if you're not a pro yet, she's really going to appreciate the effort."

"I hope so." Jeremy frowned. "I just worry about moving my hand a little wrong and saying something stupid by mistake."

"It'll happen at some point. At least, it did to me when I was learning. She would just laugh at me and then we'd get over it. So." Jess paused and Jeremy looked over at him expectantly. "I want to talk to you about something. And, just so you know, there's no pressure here. You don't have to do anything you don't want to do and everything will be fine either way."

Jess was making him nervous. "Ok. What are you talking about?"

Jess looked slightly uncomfortable and it made Jeremy feel even more uneasy. "It's come to my attention that Liz and TJ would really like it if you would call them grandma and grandpa. But, you don't have to." Jess rushed to add. "If you're comfortable doing it, they would like it, but if you aren't, they'll live and they'll still care about you and be your grandparents."

Jeremy reflected on how much he would like to call Jess 'dad.' And, maybe Lorelai and Luke 'aunt' and 'uncle.' He could honestly say that what he called Liz and TJ was the lowest on his list of priorities. Because of Jess's obviously strained relationship with them, he figured they would be in his life less than Luke and his family. But, he had never had grandparents and he liked the idea of being able to call someone in his new family by a family name, even if it wasn't his top choice of person. It was something, a start. And, if they had asked Jess for him to do it, it must mean something to them. He must mean more to them than he thought.

"Sure."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. I'm happy to call them grandma and grandpa if that's what they want."

Jess was smiling his warm smile at him and Jeremy knew he had made the right decision. "Ok. Thanks, Jeremy. I think that's going to make them really happy."

Jeremy shrugged. "It will be nice for me, too. I've never had grandparents before." He paused, weighing his options. Now seemed like the perfect time to ask about calling Jess 'dad', but he was too chicken, too scared of how deeply the rejection, even just a laugh in response, or a hesitation before agreeing, would cut him. He went the safer route, hoping Jess would take the hint. "So…...does this mean I should start calling Lorelai and Luke 'aunt' and 'uncle', too, while I'm at it?"

Jess put an arm around his shoulders and pulled him gently to his side. "That's between you and them, but I have a feeling that they would be happy with whatever you wanted to call them."

Jeremy tried to look up at Jess, but he couldn't turn enough to see the man's face with the way Jess was holding his shoulders. He wondered if he was supposed to be taking a hint of his own from Jess's words.

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Jess slowly picked up a forkful of chocolate cake and brought it to his mouth as he watched Lorelai lean over in her chair and whisper something to Luke. After the butternut squash baked risotto they had had for dinner, Jess barely had room for the birthday cake. He watched Luke smile and nod and whisper a response before turning back to the table. "What do you guys think? Is it present time?"

"Yes." Liz agreed, smiling broadly. "It's definitely present time!"

"Yay for presents." Rory added. Leelee was asleep in her room, and Rory seemed to be enjoying herself at dinner, chatting with Jeremy and Liz and TJ. Jess couldn't tell if she was putting on her enthusiasm for Jeremy's sake, or if she was just going so stir crazy from spending most of her time home alone with a baby that talking to Liz and TJ seemed appealing. "Can I go first? Mine might be the least exciting, though still lovingly selected gift, so it should go first to better manage expectations."

Luke smiled at his step-daughter. "You go ahead, Rory. I want to go last."

"You should." Rory agreed. "You definitely have the showstopper." Jess watched their exchange carefully, getting the feeling of being on the outside that he sometimes got when watching Luke with Rory since she had moved home and was in his day to day life, while Jess wasn't. He supposed that would change now that he was back in town, too. He wondered what Luke's gift was. He really hoped he hadn't bought the kid a car, or anything else too over the top. Jess wasn't sure if he could see Luke doing that without getting his permission first.

Rory walked away from the table and returned with a flat, shirt-sized box wrapped in sparkly blue and green paper. "Happy birthday, Jeremy. I don't claim to know what boys like, but I did my best." Jess heard Lorelai chuckle.

"Thanks, Rory." Jess smiled, watching Jeremy sign his thanks as he spoke, the faint blush rising on Jeremy's cheeks as the boy pushed his empty cake plate out of the way and accepted the box from Rory. Jess reached over and picked up the boy's plate, stacking it on top of his own mostly empty plate in front of him. Jess knew how much Jeremy appreciated having people who wanted to celebrate his birthday with him, but at the same time, the kid was always uncomfortable being the center of attention and having everyone watch him open presents on top of that seemed to be compounding his embarrassment. Jeremy carefully unwrapped the box and laid the colorful paper neatly to one side. Jess's heart clenched with emotion as he watched his kid. His kid. He still sometimes felt overwhelmed at the idea that he was someone's dad.

Jeremy lifted the lid and opened the nest of polka dotted tissue paper to reveal a navy blue wool sweater. "Oh, wow! Thank you, Rory." Jeremy pulled out the sweater and held it up. It was simple but nice, and it looked expensive to Jess's eye.

"You're welcome, Jeremy." Rory was smiling.

"It's so nice, and it looks really warm. Thank you so much. I really appreciate it." Jess reflected on how grateful Jeremy always was for everything that anyone did for him. It was an endearing trait that seemed to belong on a much younger child, but one Jess hoped the kid never outgrew it.

"I'm glad you like it." Rory responded. "I figured you can't go wrong with a warm sweater in winter in New England."

"I love it. Thank you."

"Ok, me next!" Lorelai said. She walked into the kitchen and returned with a flat box about half the size of Rory's gift that she presented to Jeremy. "Luke and I got you something else, but this is just something small that I made for you. It goes with Rory's gift. Happy birthday, kiddo."

"Coordinating gifts. That is a very classy thing to do, there." TJ said, signing as he spoke.

"Thank you, Lorelai." Jeremy signed before accepting the gift and placed it on the table in front of him, opening it just as carefully as he had Rory's. He pulled out a navy blue hat and scarf that did come very close to matching the sweater from Rory. "Oh, wow! You made these? Like, you knitted them?"

Lorelai was smiling. "I sure did. Do you like 'em?"

"I love them so much!" Jeremy's smiling expression turned solemn for a moment. "No one's ever made me anything like this before." Jeremy was running his hand over the scarf. "It's so soft." He looked up at Lorelai with a big grin. "Thank you so much, Lorelai."

"You're welcome, Jeremy." Lorelai smiles as she watched Jeremy fit the hat onto his head and gently wrap the scarf around his neck. "It's a good color on you. It brings out your eyes."

"Yeah?" Jess could see the slight self-consciousness on Jeremy's face, even as he was being charmed by Lorelai.

"Oh, definitely. I think blue's your color. It's mine, too, so you can trust me on this. We of the pretty blue eyes should wear as much blue as possible."

Jess shot a glance at his mother and saw her watching Lorelai and Jeremy. Her lips were turned up slightly at the sides, but the smile didn't reach her eyes, and Jess felt a twinge of an emotion that he didn't normally feel in relation to his mother. He was pretty sure it was empathy. He watched TJ take Liz's hand in his, and his mother turn to his step-father with a small but appreciative smile as they shared a private look.

"All right." Luke said turning to TJ and Liz. "You guys are up." Luke met Jess's eye across the table and there was teasing and amusement there. Jess was curious as to what Jeremy's grandparents were giving him.

"Ok!" Jess noted the big grin that was back on Liz's face, and he wondered how often she was faking happiness around him. "Doula, sweetie. Why don't you get the envelope from my purse and give it to Jeremy?" Liz's hands were moving quickly, signing to the little girl as she spoke.

Doula got out of her chair and obediently fetched a blue envelope that she carried over to Jeremy. She leaned into his side and hugged him, and Jeremy wrapped one arm around her small frame in return. "Hold that right there." Jess signed before pulling his cell phone out of his pocket and quickly snapping a picture. As he put his phone down, he caught the warm, amused look that Luke was aiming at him.

"What?" He asked.

"Nothing, Nephew. I just get a kick out of watching you do dad stuff."

Doula had released Jeremy and stepped back and Jeremy was signing 'thank you' to her. The boy spoke without taking his eyes off Doula. "I like it when he does dad stuff, too."

Jess watched the boy blush at his own admission as he shot a quick glance toward Jess. Jess smiled warmly at him. "Hey, doing dad stuff comes with the job, of you know, being a dad."

"Aww." Rory said. "You guys are so cute!"

"So, you gonna open that up or what?" TJ spoke to Jeremy, automatically signing as he glanced at Jess with the hint of a teasing smile on his face.

"Oh, sorry!" Jeremy opened the envelope and slid out two long pieces of thin cardboard. It looked like tickets to Jess. Jess's curiosity grew as the boy stared dumbfounded at them for a moment before smiling broadly. His reaction looked authentic enough on the surface, and Jess hoped he was the only one who could tell it was forced. "This is so cool! I've never been to a Renaissance Faire before!"

Jess felt a smile forming on his own face as he held in his laughter, a task that became more difficult as he met Luke's eye and saw that his uncle was doing the same.

"You haven't? Oh, man!" Liz was back to her normal, overly enthusiastic self, signing quickly as she spoke. "See?" This was aimed at TJ and Doula. "I knew this was the right gift for Jeremy. He's never even been to a Ren Faire!" She turned her attention back to her grandson. "And, it's not just for one day. Those are season passes to the faire in Connecticut that TJ and I work at in the fall. You can go as many times as you want! There's so much to see!"

The idea struck Jess as painful and unwarranted punishment, for Jeremy and for himself. But, he liked the idea that Jeremy was now a permanent member of the family that could be included in future plans. He remembered the first time he had brought Jeremy to Stars Hollow and how awkward it had been when April and Luke had brought up camping trips and Fenway in the spring without knowing if Jeremy would still be around then.

"Wow, that's awesome. Thank you so much!" Jess had to admit that Jeremy was a good little actor. And, he appreciated that the boy was thoughtful enough to put in the effort.

Liz leaned forward and spoke to Jeremy conspiratorially. "You know, Jess has never been to a Ren Faire either. I bet he'd love to take you and check it out, too."

"I bet he would!" TJ said, shooting Jess a teasing look. "And, don't worry, Jess, I'll help you with your period costume. I've got some tights you can borrow, and-" "Wait! I'm having an amazing idea! Lizzie, how great would Jess look in my old Robin Hood costume? It doesn't fit me anymore, but Jess could wear it. Someone should get some use out of it. It has a bow and arrow and everything."

"That's a fantastic idea, TJ!" Liz said. "It won't cost you anything, Jess, and you'd make such a charming Robin Hood. I can just picture you."

"Well, that makes one of us." Jess said. He watched Doula giggle as she followed his and her parents' signing.

"Oh, c'mon, Jess." Lorelai said, clearly amused. "I think you'd be a cute Robin Hood. It's perfect for you. He's even got that little delinquent streak in him of stealing from the rich."

Jess laughed. He met Jeremy's eye and gave the boy a smile and a comical eye roll as he responded. "I don't know. I don't want to steal Jeremy's thunder. I think he'd made a pretty great Robin Hood."

Jeremy was blushing. "Do you have to dress up to go?"

Luke shook his head. "No, you don't have to dress up, Jeremy. You can do whatever you're comfortable with. Lots of people go in normal clothes. I helped Liz and TJ out one summer at a faire in Maine and I never dressed up once."

"Yeah, but you're a party pooper, Luke." TJ said, grinning. "I think these two guys, here." He looked from Jeremy to Jess. "Are going to want to do it right."

"What's really great." Jess said. "Is that since these are season passes, we can all share them. If there's a time when Jeremy and I can't go, I bet Luke and Lorelai would love to go. And, I know that Rory wants to expose Leelee to art. I bet Leelee would love to see some installation art like a Ren Faire. What do you think, Rory? I'm thinking everyone can benefit from these."

Rory smiled. "I think Leelee would be game. And, the rest of us have all been before, Jess, so you can't scare us with your season passes."

"Yeah, Jess." TJ said. "You're the only one who's never come by to check it out. The faire in Connecticut is only about forty-five minutes from here. It'll be fun."

"Well, I guess this will have to be the year." Jess gave in.

"You'll love it, Jeremy!" Liz said. "There's jousting, and sword fights and acrobats, and all these women dressed in skimpy chainmail outfits, or with their boobs popping out of their corsets. I'm talking a lot of boobs-"

"Liz!" Luke admonished.

"What?" She protested. "He's an eighteen year-old boy! I'm sure he likes boobs. You like boobs, don't you Jeremy?"

Jess interjected to defend his blushing child. "You don't need to answer that Jeremy."

"Of course, he doesn't." Liz said. "Because we all know the answer is yes!"

TJ laughed loudly, and Rory giggled as she tried to keep a straight face.

"Liz!" Luke repeated.

Jess met Jeremy's eye and smiled. The boy looked happy, and that was all that mattered to Jess, even if he did end up getting dragged to a Renaissance Faire.

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Jess was watching Luke come out of the garage with Jeremy's present. Jeremy was standing next to him with his hands covering his eyes as instructed. When Luke had told everyone to get their jackets and come outside, Jess had started worrying that Luke really had bought Jeremy a car. Jess wasn't really sure why the idea upset it as much as it did, but he figured it had something to do with the idea of Luke being able to do a parent type thing for Jeremy that he himself was currently not capable of. The last thing he could do right now was buy Jeremy a car. So, he had been relieved to see Luke wheeling out a shiny new, dark blue ten-speed bicycle. This gift he could live with.

Luke flipped the kickstand with his foot and stood the bike up a few feet in front of Jeremy. "Ok, Jeremy. You can look now."

Jeremy opened his eyes and the first fleeting expression Jess saw on the boy's face was shock, faintly colored by worry. Jess instinctively took a step closer to the boy. Jeremy quickly schooled his features into grateful happiness. "Oh, wow!" He looked at Luke and Lorelai. "You guys bought me a bike?"

Luke laughed. "We did. We figured you would need a way to get around town. And Stars Hollow is small enough that you should be able to get pretty much everywhere on this." Luke patted the bike seat.

"I rode my bike around for a while when I was having car problems and it was really fun." Lorelai said. "Of course, it was spring, but hey, this has been an unseasonably warm winter so far."

"Thank you guys so much. This is so great. I love it."

Luke grinned. "You want to hop on and test it out? Ride around the street a little and we can see how it fits you and make adjustments if we need to."

"Yeah, you gotta take this thing out for a test drive." TJ walked closer to inspect the bike. "This is a pretty sweet ride, kid."

Jeremy shot a blink-and-you'd-miss-it panicked glance over Luke's shoulder at Jess before resuming his smile.

Jess cut in. "I really don't think that's a good idea."

"What?" Luke looked at Jess. "What's not a good idea? A test drive? I got a helmet for him, too, if that's what you're worried about. I left it in the garage, but I'll go grab it."

"It's cold and dark and the street could be icy." Jess continued. "I don't want him taking it out now. He can test it out when it's daylight."

"Icy? What are you talking about? It's been in the high 30's all week."

"It's dark. I noticed a streetlight out in front of the house on the way in. Jeremy's dressed in dark colors. Someone in a car might not see him until it was too late." Jess said. "I just think it's better to be safe."

"Are you serious?" Luke asked, genuinely confused. "You're not going to let Jeremy try out his new bike?"

"C'mon, Jess." Liz coaxed. "Let the kid have some fun."

"Yeah, Jess." TJ was running a hand across the handlebars and playing with the hand brakes. "You're actually being less fun than Luke right now. That's saying something, and what it's sayin' ain't good, I'll tell you that much."

Jess held his right hand up by his shoulder, palm out. "Show of hands. Who here is Jeremy's parent?" He looked around as if checking for more hands. "Oh, just me? Huh. Interesting." Jess lowered his hand. "I just don't think it's safe. He can try it another time."

Luke, Liz and TJ were giving him disappointed looks, and he laughed. "Look, I don't see Jeremy complaining. He gets what I'm saying." Jess turned to Jeremy. "Don't you, Jeremy?"

"Yeah, it's fine." Jeremy said. "I can try it out another time when it's daylight out."

"It's getting cold. What about if we all go back in and play a game or something? Didn't I hear talk of Pictionary earlier?" Jess asked good-naturedly, not wanting this to spoil the night.

"Oooh, pictionary!" Rory clapped her hands together.

Doula signed something quickly, looking eagerly up at her dad to translate. TJ barked out a laugh. "That's a good point, kid." TJ signed as they started walking back inside. "Doula thinks that Rory and Lorelai shouldn't be allowed on the same team this time. She thinks it's cheating since they pretty much share the same brain and everything."

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Later that night, after Rory and Jeremy were declared the winning team at Pictionary, Jess and Jeremy were walking home from Luke and Lorelai's house. Jess was holding Winston's leash in one hand and carrying a Doose's paper shopping bag containing Jeremy's sweater, season passes and bike helmet in the other. The boy hadn't taken off the hat and scarf from Lorelai since he had received them. Jeremy was walking his new bike by his side, his expression solemn for the first time all night.

"Hey, Jess?"

"Yeah?"

"I don't know how to ride a bike."

"I know. It's ok. We'll figure it out."

They walked in silence for a few minutes, stopping in the town square for Winston to choose a bathroom spot. Jess could feel himself smiling in the dark.

"What?" Jeremy asked.

"Huh?" Jess was pulled out of this thoughts. "Nothing. It just makes me kind of happy that I'm going to get to teach my little boy to ride a bike."

Jess listened to the boy huff out a quiet laugh. "Thanks for not letting on that you knew, by the way. At Luke and Lorelai's, I mean. It's embarrassing to not know how at my age."

Jess shifted the shopping bag into the same hand he was holding the leash with and reached out with his free hand to cup the back of Jeremy's neck, gently pulling the boy toward him and landing a kiss on the side of his head. "I've got your back, Jeremy. Always."

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When Jeremy went to bed that night, he found an envelope with his name on it laying on his pillow. He gently ripped open the envelope and opened the card inside. He wouldn't have thought anything could overshadow the card addressed by the people at Hallmark to 'son,' signed by 'dad,' with a handwritten message about how loved he was and how grateful Jess was to have him. But he would have been wrong. Jeremy picked up the picture that had fallen out of the card, took one look and had to sit down on his bed. Tears pooled in his eyes instantly and spilled down his face. He had thought he would never see his mother's familiar image again. The picture had been a source of comfort for Jeremy, sometimes his only one, through all his years in foster care, through all his placements, and even though he had a forever family now, the idea of losing his last connection to his mother had hurt him every single day, many times a day, since he had opened his shoe box to find it destroyed. He remembered crying at Melissa's house over the picture, her holding him on her bed, like Jess had in the car. He could still see her face as she had cried with him over his loss. He felt a deep surge of longing for Melissa, one more person he no longer had. Jeremy sat on his bed, alone and crying silent tears, thinking about how often he had done the exact same thing over the course of his life, the only difference being the location of the crying, whichever bed and room he had been assigned at the time. And, now the big difference, the man in the other room who wanted to be his family. Jeremy knew he had already let Jess see him cry way too many times for someone his age. But, he really wanted Jess now. He wanted a physical, tangible reminder of what he still had, that he was loved, that he wasn't alone.

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Jess sat on the couch for few minutes, perched on the edge, unable to relax, but not wanting to go to bed until he was sure Jeremy wasn't going to come out of his room. Jeremy had to have found the card and seen the picture by now, and Jess hoped the kid was ok. He was having doubts about leaving the picture for him the way he had. He could honestly say that in Jeremy's shoes, that was how he would like to receive something that emotional, in private, without an adult looking over his shoulder expectantly for his reaction, no matter how well-meaning. But, Jeremy was different. Jess stood up. He sat down, then back stood up again. He wondered if he should knock and check on Jeremy, or if that was too invasive. The kid knew how to come out of his room if he wanted to. But, maybe he thought Jess had already gone to bed.

Jess's attention snapped toward Jeremy's room as he heard the door knob turning quickly. Before he could react, Jeremy had crossed the room, his face tear stained, his arms wrapped around Jess, hugging him tightly. Jess hugged him back, feeling wetness seeping through the shoulder of his tee shirt, and feeling his own eyes getting damp. He knew he had no adequate words, so he just stood there, holding his child.


	25. Chapter 25 - Christmas Eve

**Chapter 25 Notes:** Just a Stars Hollow Christmas Eve. Thanks for all the comments, suggestions and feedback. I always love hearing from you guys! :) I just received a comment telling me that I mixed up Jess and Jeremy's names a couple of times in this chapter (thank you, AJ Granger!), which doesn't surprise me since I normally do that a few times, then catch it in my last reread before I post the chapter. In retrospect, giving Jeremy another J name wasn't my brightest idea. I just reread this chapter twice and can't find the mix-up's, so if anyone spots an instance where I mixed up the names please let me know where you see it. I think I'm too close to it to catch my own mistake, but I hate the idea of knowing it's out there. Thanks! :)

 **Disclaimer** : I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Jeremy woke up to snow on Christmas Eve. Nothing crazy. No one was going to be busting out the emergency water just yet. Just a nice white blanket of snow, an inch or two tops. Jeremy had left Jess asleep and taken Winston over to the town square for the dog's first bathroom break of the day. He was glad to have this opportunity to check out the fresh snow before too many other people were up, tramping through the square, leaving footprints and ruining the effect. Jeremy watched Winston sniff around in the snow, and come up with a dusting of white across his snout, tail wagging. Jeremy understood. The first snow of the winter was something special, and today Jeremy was particularly happy to see the ground covered in a layer of white. He felt relieved, knowing the snow provided him a natural out to not having to test out his bike today. He wanted to learn to ride it, and he genuinely did appreciate the gift. He knew bikes weren't cheap and he liked Luke's thinking behind the gift, that he wanted to give Jeremy the independence to be able to get around town on his own. But, he didn't want to deal with the stress of learning or the shame of avoiding Luke's questions about the bike during Christmas. He was really looking forward to his first Christmas with his forever family and he didn't want it marred by his inability to do something that most four year olds knew how to do. The whole thing made him feel embarrassed and pathetic and he wanted to put it out of his mind until after the holiday, at least. They walked around a little longer, giving Winston time to turn the snow yellow in a few places, then headed back. He and Jess were supposed to go shopping for Christmas presents this morning, and he didn't want to keep Jess waiting.

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Jess woke up to an empty apartment, washed up and threw on clothes to head downstairs. There was a coffee pot in the apartment, but it seemed silly to him to bother turning it on for one cup of coffee when he knew there was already coffee made and waiting in the diner. Plus, at this point, Luke was the one who had bought the coffee in the apartment, so really, he'd be mooching either way. He told himself that after the holiday, when he and Jeremy had settled into a routine, he would be good about doing his own grocery shopping and feeding himself and Jeremy upstairs. He didn't want to take advantage of Luke even more than the free roof over his head. Luke greeted him with a happy smile as he walked into the diner, and Jess justified his coffee thievery by how glad Luke was to see him down there. He was starting to get that more than he ever had, now that he had a kid of his own who he lit up around.

"Hey, Jess. Coffee?" Luke started pouring a cup even as he posed the question.

"Thank you." Jess sat on a stool, accepting the mug and wrapping his hands around its warm sides. He looked around the diner. There were a few customers scattered at tables, but not many. "Slow morning?"

"Yeah, Christmas Eve morning is always slow. I'm going to close up right after lunch. Lunch actually gets pretty busy with all the last minute shoppers stopping in."

"Speaking of which, Jeremy and I will be joining them in a little bit. We're going to head over to the mall in Woodbury and do some Christmas shopping of our own." Jess took a sip of his coffee and felt his body flood with warmth.

"Are you serious? It's going to be nuts at the mall. I wouldn't set foot in the mall today if you paid me."

Jess raised an eyebrow. "How is that different from any other day for you?"

Luke laughed. "You've got a point there, nephew." "We're going to start doing the Christmas cookies at our house around 3:00. Then I need to pick up April from the train station in Hartford at 6:00. You guys are still coming over for the cookies, right?"

"We're planning on it. Should I bring anything?"

Luke was giving him a warm smile. "Just bring my great-nephew and you'll be good." His expression turned serious. "And, Jess, please don't feel like you have to buy anyone Christmas presents this year. After everything you've been through this past month, everyone will understand-"

"Luke, I don't feel like I have to buy anybody anything. But, I want to."

"I know, but-"

Jess cut him off again. "I'm not going to spend a ton of money. I promise I'm not going to show up tomorrow morning with matching his and her Ferrari's for you and Lorelai, ok? But, I want to get something for everyone. Something inexpensive, but thoughtful. I'm feeling really thankful for my family this year, and I want to do something nice for you guys. And, hey, now that I have a job lined up and I'm not paying rent and my landlord's too much of a pushover to toss me out in the snow-" Luke huffed out a laugh. "I'm feeling ok enough that I can buy presents for my loved ones. Are you really trying to steal that one simple joy from me on Christmas Eve? Like a great big flannel-wearing Grinch?"

Jess could tell from the way Luke was smiling at him that he was going to let it go. "All right, nephew. I just don't want you to feel like you have to."

"I don't. Plus, I think Jeremy will be more comfortable, too, if we buy presents. I think it would make him uncomfortable to accept presents without having anything to give anyone else."

Luke nodded, then frowned. "Hey, speaking of Jeremy and presents, I didn't realize he didn't know how to ride a bike. I'm sorry about that. I felt terrible when I realized. I didn't mean to push him like that and make him uncomfortable."

Jeremy was impressed that Luke had caught on and he realized his surprise must have been registered on his face when Luke spoke again. "Lorelai pointed it out after you guys left." Oh. That Jess could picture. "But, thanks for looking so shocked that I might have figured it out on my own, Jess."

Jess laughed. "Sorry. Don't feel bad about it, Luke. Jeremy loves his bike. He loves that he has people who care about him enough to buy him a bike. He's just feeling embarrassed about never having learned to ride. He shouldn't. No one ever got him a bike when he was a kid, so it's not like it's his fault he never learned." "But, it's ok. We'll figure it out. Come spring, he'll be zipping around town like Lance Armstrong. Thanks to your gift, I'll get the chance to teach my kid how to ride a bike." Jess could feel himself smiling as he sipped his coffee.

"Hey, Jess. Don't take this the wrong way, but you do know how to ride a bike, right? I mean, did Liz ever buy you a bike when you were a kid?"

"She did not. I tried out Josh Hudson's bike once as a kid. I can't say it went well. The experience was short-lived and involved a collision with a large trash can. But I'm much older and wiser now."

"Uh, I don't want to sound negative here, but do you think you'll be able to teach Jeremy to ride a bike when you don't really know how yourself?" Jess could hear the concern in Luke's voice.

"Uh, I'm pretty sure that's what youtube is for. You can learn anything on youtube." Jess kept his tone sarcastic and light, even though Luke was getting him a little worried. How hard could it be? Everyone knew how to ride a bike. He wasn't going to turn down one of the quintessential parent-child teaching moments just because of a tiny little issue like not knowing how to ride a bike himself. "Jeremy and I are two reasonably intelligent people. We'll figure it out. But, please don't ask him about the bike or let on that you know he doesn't know how to ride it, ok? I don't want him feeling pressured or embarrassed."

"I won't say anything. His secret is safe with me."

"Thanks." Jess sipped his coffee, thinking about his situation with Jeremy.

"You want eggs or something to go with that coffee?"

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The mall was packed. After circling around the parking lot for twenty minutes, all Jess's instincts were telling him to abort the mission, but he made himself go in anyway. He really did want to get thank you's for his family members and he wanted to go Christmas shopping with his kid. Jess was cognizant of the fact that this might be his one and only chance, with Jeremy likely heading off to college next year. And, this felt like a holiday memory worth making, even if they did have to brave the crowds to do it.

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Jess let Jeremy choose some baby things for Leelee, and after much deliberation, the boy picked out a Winnie the Pooh book.

"That's a solid literary choice." Jess said.

Jeremy was looking down at the book in his hands. "I remember really liking Winnie the Pooh when I was little."

There was a display of the plush characters from the book nearby. "How about you pick out a stuffed animal to go with it?"

Jeremy went right for the sad-looking plush donkey. Jess chuckled. "Eeyore, huh? Why him?"

"Oh, uh, I just remember having one when I was little. I really liked it, but I didn't get to take it with me after everything with my parents…..." Jeremy blushed and put the stuffed donkey back, picking up a yellow bear instead. "But, yeah, we can get Leelee a Winnie the Pooh instead, if you want."

Jess instantly felt like an ass for laughing. He should have known that stuff from Jeremy's early childhood would be sensitive for him. Jess retrieved the stuffed donkey from the display and handed it to Jeremy. "Let's take this little guy, too, for the apartment. Winston's been looking lonely, and I think he needs a buddy."

Jess heard Jeremy huff out a soft breath as the boy followed Jess to the cash register.

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They made decent time, moving around the mall, making what Jess hoped were thoughtful purchases for everyone in their family. With a roof over their heads and a job starting in a week, Jess felt like he finally had room to breathe. He felt generous and wanted to show his thanks to his family who had welcomed him back when he had been in such desperate need. Jess picked up a book for Rory that he had edited two years ago at Truncheon. Everything about the book had made him think of her at the time, but they hadn't been talking back then for him to make the recommendation. For Lorelai, they picked out two skeins of very fancy and pricey yarn along with two specialty knitting needles, one engraved with an 'L' on the end, the other with a 'G.' Jess knew nothing about knitting, but the sales associate at the craft store helped them pick out a commonly used needle size and the right weight of yarn to be used with it. Jess had never bought Lorelai a gift before, or done anything this thoughtful for her, and it made him feel weird and mature at the same time.

Jeremy dragged Jess over to a kiosk that sold crystals and new age stuff that Jess would not have looked at twice on his own, but he had to admit that everything on display looked like something Liz would appreciate. Jeremy settled on a necklace with a pendant crafted from a gemstone that according to the sales associate was supposed to be linked to the third eye chakra and strengthen the intuition and heal the heart of the wearer. Jess didn't really believe in any of it, but in the off chance that the crystal performed as promised, he thought those were good choices for Liz. They picked up a book for Doula and a craft kit for making colorful beaded jewelry. Jeremy thought it might be something fun for Doula and Liz to do together. TJ was more difficult because even after all these years, Jess didn't feel like he knew the man very well. He gave Jeremy free reign on that one, and the boy came back with a pair of thick house socks with a message written across the bottom, 'if you can read this, bring me a beer.' Jess smiled and figured it was good enough.

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Jess pulled his phone out of his pocket and read the message on the screen, as they walked through the mall, laden with shopping bags. He smiled and turned to Jeremy. "It's Luke. He just closed the diner. He walked Winston like I asked, and he wants to know if it's ok if he brings him back to his house with him so Winston has company. What do you think?" Jess cocked an eyebrow. "Do we trust this guy with our dog?"

Jeremy smiled. "Yeah, we do. That's really nice of Luke to think of Winston like that."

"Well, Luke is a really nice guy. Being a nice guy runs in the family." Jess quickly typed a message back to Luke.

"Yeah, it does." Jess looked up from his phone to find Jeremy smiling at him. He smiled back, feeling like this time with his kid made braving the holiday crowds worthwhile.

Jess tucked his phone back into his pocket. "So, speaking of Luke, he and April are the only people left on our list, and I know what I want to get them, but it's the same thing that I'm getting you, so you tell me how you want to do this." Jess felt good about their purchases so far, but he knew that his idea for Luke and April was the best one he'd had. "Do you want to separate so that you'll still be surprised tomorrow morning?"

Jeremy frowned. "How can it be from both of us if I don't even know what it is?" Jeremy had originally wanted to use his own money and buy separate gifts, but Jess had convinced him that everyone would want him to keep his money for school, and that they should pick out presents together that would be from both of them.

"Hmm." Jess said. "I see your point."

"And, it's crazy in here, and I don't have a phone. If we separate, we might never find each other again."

Jess laughed. "Well, I definitely don't want that. I would miss you too much." He put a hand on Jeremy's back and guided him over to the sports memorabilia section of the store they were in. "All right, so I'm thinking I want to do something really nice for Luke to thank him for everything he's done for us, right?"

Jeremy nodded, expression earnest. "Yeah, definitely."

"And, I know Luke would love for us to all go to a Red Sox game at Fenway together this spring."

Jeremy's eyes lit up at that. "Yeah, he's been talking about that since I met him."

"Right. So, I'm thinking I want us to get him the tickets. I know he'd buy them himself, but I really want to do this for him so that he knows how much we appreciate him and that we really want to go with him."

"I do really want to go with him." Jeremy said.

"I know you do. But I wasn't as thoughtful as you are when I was your age. I've been thinking about how I never really wanted to do anything with him when I lived with him the first time around." Jess thought about Luke telling Jeremy that his best bonding time with Jess had been working at the diner with him, and the guilt Jess had felt knowing it was true and that he had never given his uncle very much of his time otherwise. "This time I want him to know that I'm willing to do stuff for him, just because it means something to him, even if it's something I don't care about, like baseball. The same way he's always done for me."

Jeremy gave Jess a small smile. "That's really nice, Jess."

"And, I figure I'll get a ticket for April, too, since she's in Boston. I want the four of us to do something special for Luke, just us, our side of the family. And, I need to talk to April about dates, but I'm thinking maybe we could do it in June, around father's day, if the Red Sox are at home that weekend."

Jeremy was nodding slowly. "I think that would be so great, Jess. I think Luke will love that."

Jess smiled warmly at Jeremy, proud of himself for coming up with the idea and proud of Jeremy for caring enough about Luke to be so enthusiastic about it. "Yeah, I think he will, too. So, I checked online and the tickets aren't on sale yet, but I'm thinking we can just get them each something Red Sox related to open tomorrow as a placeholder, and then we can tell them about the tickets."

"That sounds good." Jeremy started looking through items in the sports displays, bobble-head dolls, stadium blankets, oversized cups and pennants. "This seems to be all Patriots and Bruins, though."

"Yeah, we might be out of luck for baseball stuff this time of year." Jess picked up a bobble head and held it up to Jeremy for his approval. "What about this guy? This might be the closest we can get."

Jeremy laughed. "Should I be worried that you think that's even remotely close?"

"Oh, c'mon." Jess shook the doll in his hand making his head bobble on his neck. "What says Boston sports better than Tom Brady?"

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"No way!" Jeremy laughed. "Seriously?" He was sitting at the kitchen table with Rory and Lorelai, squeezing red frosting out of piping bag, working on the outline of what looked to Jess like a santa hat, neatly drawn on a sugar cookie.

Jess was leaning back against the counter watching them work, while Luke took another batch of cookies out of the oven. Jess wasn't sure why he hadn't sat down at the table with everyone else when they first got started. He had automatically removed himself from the action and fallen into observer mode, as he typically did when he was at family events with Lorelai and Rory.

"I kid you not." Rory said. "We used to buy dozens of sugar cookies at Weston's bakery and bring them home and decorate them every year. But, Luke never approved of that particular Gilmore family Christmas tradition." Lorelai grinned mischievously and Rory shot a glance at her stepfather, a smirk on her face as she awaited his reaction. It was obvious to Jess that this was familiar territory for all of them, a Gilmore-Danes family anecdote that he wasn't a part of.

Luke was lifting the freshly baked cookies off the cookie sheet one by one with a spatula and setting them on a wire cooling rack. "It was a waste of money! You guys would spend sixty or seventy dollars on cookies and then come home and decorate them yourselves. It made no sense, and things that make no sense drive me crazy!"

Lorelai turned to Jeremy and spoke in a stage whisper. "It's really amazing that Luke has lasted around here as long as he has with that attitude." Jeremy and Rory grinned.

Jess pulled a fresh cookie off the cooling rack and took a bite, feeling like an outsider, but unsure whether he should sit at the table and participate, not wanting to kill the fun family atmosphere that the Gilmores had going with Jeremy, but knowing that if he wanted anything to really change, he would need to start with his own behavior.

"And." Luke continued. "I could have lived with that level of lunacy. I wouldn't have liked it, but I could have lived with it. But that one year, Christmas 2014, was too much. It pushed me right over the edge!" Luke's warm expression belied his outrage.

Jeremy smiled and took the bait. "What happened in 2014?"

"Well." Rory started. "We didn't make it to Westin's until the afternoon of Christmas Eve that year."

"Traditionally, we purchase our cookies in the morning, but Rory had missed the early train from New York." Lorelai added.

"And, when we got to Westin's, they were all out of sugar cookies!" Rory paused for dramatic effect and Jess watched Jeremy smile, completely charmed. Jess understood. He'd been there. "All they had left were sugar cookies that had already been decorated! It was terrible! We didn't know what to do!" Jess smiled as he watched Rory theatrically play up the horror of the event.

"So, we bought a few dozen of those guys." Lorelai picked up the story.

"Ninety-two dollars worth!" Luke said from the counter. "I saw the receipt. You two bought ninety-two dollars worth of frosted sugar cookies, brought them home, sat at that very table and scraped off all the frosting with a knife and then redecorated them yourselves."

Jeremy laughed, and Jess's smile grew as he watched his kid enjoying himself.

"Well, duh." Lorelai said with an exaggerated eye roll, as if their reasoning should be obvious. "Decorating them ourselves was the whole point."

Luke set another plate of sugar cookies in the middle of the table, smiling at the memory of his wife and stepdaughter's ridiculous behavior. "It was madness! I couldn't take it!"

"And." Rory said. "That's why, to this day, Westin's cookies are banned in this house at Christmas."

"Hey, mine are just as good and they cost twelve cents a cookie to make." Luke said.

"Yours are amazing, hon." Lorelai smiled brightly at Luke as she reached for another cookie to decorate. "And now that you're living here, the oven finally has a friend and isn't lonely anymore, so it's a win-win!"

Jess smiled at that and inadvertently met Lorelai's eye. She smiled warmly. "Hey, Jess, are you going to come help us out or what? I know it's a lot of pressure to have your artwork go up against my happy little trees over here." Lorelai held up a cookie decorated with a lopsided green christmas tree with dots of red and white colored frosting in the branches for ornaments. "But, these cookies are not going to decorate themselves. I think we need all hands on deck."

Jess returned Lorelai's smile and slowly peeled himself away from the counter, washed his hands at the sink, and made his way over to the table, pulling out an empty chair, thinking about how unnatural it could feel to change course even when you knew you needed to. "All right." He said, sitting down and looking over the supplies on the table. "So, just to be clear, is the Christmas theme mandatory? Cause all I'm really good at drawing are stick people." Jess caught Jeremy's eye and they shared a smile.

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Later that night, Jeremy was walking Winston around Luke and Lorelai's back yard, waiting for the dog to pick a spot, when he heard the front door of the house open and close behind him. He turned to see April coming down the stairs, bundled up for the weather with Paul Anka on a leash beside her.

"Oh, sorry!" Jeremy said as the girl approached. "I should have brought Paul Anka out with us."

"That's ok. I don't mind taking him out. I needed a little air anyway. Sometimes when it's just me and the four of them." April tilted her head back toward the house. "And, they're all actually getting along like they are today, I kind of feel like I'm crashing a double date or something."

Jeremy furrowed his brow, not sure how to interpret that. If anything, he got the impression that Jess was always the odd man out in the family when the Gilmores were involved. "What do you mean?"

"Oh." April looked embarrassed at what she said, which only served to confuse Jeremy more. "Nothing. I don't know why I said that. I actually really like it when they're all getting along like this. Sorry, I'm just in a weird mood, I guess."

Jeremy nodded slowly. "Yeah, it's nice that Jess is getting along with Lorelai and Rory. The first couple of times I saw him with them, things were kind of…...tense, maybe."

"Yeah." April agreed. "I've definitely seen my share of tension between those guys. It's never fun."

"Can I ask you a question?"

Jeremy thought he saw a nervous expression flicker across April's face, but she sounded normal when she answered. "Yeah, of course, you can. Of all people, I totally get what it's like to be new to the family and have questions."

"Well, what's the story with Jess and the Gilmores anyway? I mean, he and Rory were already adults when Luke and Lorelai got together, right? So, it's not like Lorelai was ever a stepmom type person in his life as a kid. And, up until now, he lived out of state and only came home a few times a year. I guess I'm just wondering why things were bad between them in the past. I mean, all three of them are really nice people, and they're all kind of related through Luke now."

April frowned. "It's complicated. You're right, Jess was an adult when my dad and Lorelai started dating, but from what I understand, they were already interested in each other when Jess lived here for high school. And, to hear my dad tell it, Jess and Lorelai had issues with each other right off the bat. And, it caused my dad a lot of stress because he loved Jess and he already cared about Lorelai."

Jeremy nodded, grateful that she was sharing with him and not just telling him that her family's past was none of his business. "But, what was the actual issue with Jess and Lorelai? It just seems really weird to me that when Jess was my age, he would have a problem with a random grown woman who wasn't even dating his uncle yet. I mean, it would be like me having some kind of problem with Liz or Rory or something. It seems strange, like we wouldn't have enough in common or spend enough time around each other for me to have a real problem with them. Was Luke forcing them to spend time together to try to get them to get along?"

"Ummm….." Jeremy could tell April was considering her words carefully. "That didn't happen until they were dating and my dad starting trying to bring them together at holidays and stuff. Earlier, like when Jess was in high school, I don't think my dad was the reason that Jess and Lorelai didn't like each other." "But, I think maybe you should ask Jess about this if you want to know more about his issues with Lorelai. I'm not sure I have it all right, anyway." April paused. "By the time I joined the family, Jess was already an adult and living in Philadelphia. So, I wasn't there for the early days of the Jess-Gilmore drama."

Jeremy thought about how April had come to the family late, too, younger than he was now, but still not the normal way. "What was it like for you? To find your dad when you were eleven and have this whole new family?" Jeremy shot a glance toward April to gauge her reaction. "Is it ok that I asked that?"

April laughed. "Yeah, it's totally fine to ask about that. It was definitely weird! Like, so weird! I mean, I was a happy kid. I have no complaints about my life before I met my dad. My mom is really great." April paused. "But, I was always curious about my dad. I mean, when you're a kid, you always want the stuff you don't have, especially when everyone else has it, right? I definitely spent time wondering who my dad was, what he looked like and what he was like. Whether he knew about me. I think most kids who grow up not knowing their father feel a little unfinished, identity-wise, even if that have a super awesome mom, like I did." Jess watched April shrug, as if her childhood pain was water under the bridge. He supposed maybe it was, now that everything had worked out and she had Luke in her life.

"I can understand that." Jeremy looked out into the dark as he spoke. "I was five when I lost my parents, so I have these vague, kind of sense memories of them….but, I didn't really 'know' them as people. I mean, what do you really know when you're five? I knew they loved me. But, I have always wondered about them, too. What they were like and everything, as people. What it would have been like to have them in my life."

They were both quiet for a moment, and Jeremy worried that he had made April uncomfortable by bringing up his parents. "When you met Luke, you must have been really happy. I mean, you completely hit the jackpot as far as dad's go."

Jeremy watched April smile in the dark. "Yeah, my dad's pretty great. I still wonder what my life would have been like if he'd been in it when I was little, but I'm glad I got to have him for at least part of my childhood. And, he was so good about everything, like he was very serious about wanting to be my dad from the beginning, even though things were so awkward at first." April chuckled softly.

"What do you mean awkward? Luke seems like he's such a natural around kids, like with Doula and Leelee and everything. And, he made me feel comfortable the first time I met him." Jeremy thought back to that first trip to Stars Hollow, when he hadn't yet known where he stood with Jess, but Luke had openly and lovingly welcomed him to the family anyway, and he had secretly wished Luke had been his foster father instead of Jess.

April laughed out loud. "Luke is a natural with kids! Oh my god, you're killing me right now!" She smiled at Jeremy. "Um, if you think my dad is good with kids and is a good great-uncle to you, it's because Jess and I trained him. He was so not a natural with me when we first met! Don't get me wrong, he had good intentions, always, but even just having a conversation was so awkward. He didn't know what to say to me at all. Like he could barely even talk to me. He once asked me if I wanted to sit in the diner and color, at eleven years old!" April laughed at the memory and the infectiousness of her laugh coupled with the ridiculousness of Luke's past suggestion made Jeremy grin. "He threw me the most awkward birthday party ever until Lorelai saved it. He held it in the diner and he made kids actually form a line to use the bathroom. Seriously. Oh! And he chaperoned a field trip for my class and he was so embarrassing, always talking to this boy that I liked because they were both Red Sox fans. Ugh, that was the worst!"

Jeremy waited for April's laughter to taper off. "But, you guys ended up close. I mean, you guys seem so good now."

"We are. He's a great dad. It just took him a while to…...settle into the role, I guess you could say. But, I think it's always a harder adjustment when the a kid is older and the parent doesn't have them from the start and have the time to slowly get comfortable with the whole parenting thing." She turned to look at him. "I bet it was the same with Jess. That it took him time to become a good dad to you."

"I guess. Things were pretty uncomfortable at the beginning. But, I think in our case that was more my fault. I was old enough that I should have made things easier than I did." Jeremy recalled talking back to Jess on his first night in his apartment, lying about the peanut allergy and repeatedly losing it and bursting into tears on his new foster father.

"I doubt Jess sees it that way." April said seriously, before smirking. "Although, the last time I saw you guys, I was really worried that Jess was going to kill you over the peanut allergy situation."

Jeremy could feel his face warming and hoped April couldn't tell in the dark. He also hoped she didn't ask him why he had done it. "Yeah, I thought he was going to kill me, too. But, he was actually really understanding about that. Totally forgave me and hugged me and everything." Jeremy remembered breaking down on the drive home and Jess holding him on the side of the road and promising him that we wasn't alone any more.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up. Don't tell Jess. He'll be pissed at me for mentioning it to you."

"It's ok. I know it was a dumb thing to do."

April sighed. "It's funny to think of Jess as a grown-up and someone's dad. Not that I can't see him being good at it. I can. It's just strange."

Jeremy wasn't sure what to say to that, but he still had one more question he wanted to ask April while they were alone. He hesitated out of worry that the question would be too transparent and leave him exposed and vulnerable, with April able to recognize what he was really trying to say. But, he figured this might be the only one-on-one time he got with April over the holiday. "So, uh, can I ask you one more thing about when you first met Luke?"

"Yeah, of course." April smiled broadly, and Jeremy felt a swell of gratitude for how open and welcoming she had been to him since Jess brought him home the first time. He could easily picture all the other ways she could have treated him with them being so close in age, not making time for him or taking him seriously, or being threatened by his place in Jess's life, like he had been when he had first met her.

"How long did it take before you got to start calling him 'dad'?"

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Jess and Jeremy were walking idly around the outskirts of the town square finishing their hot ciders and giving Winston one more chance to relieve himself before bed. They had all come out to watch the Stars Hollow tree lighting ceremony which had concluded about half an hour ago. Like most things in Stars Hollow, it confounded Jess, since the large tree in the square had been lit every night since they had arrived in town, but he had already learned not to ask stupid questions unless he wanted frustrating answers, so he just smiled and drank his cider. Some people were still milling around the square, but the rest of their family had already headed home. April had decided to stay on the couch at chez Gilmore so that she could be there for Christmas morning to watch Leelee open her gifts. Jess and Jeremy weren't going to head over until later that morning to exchange gifts and have lunch with the family. Jess liked the idea of having the early hours of Christmas with just Jeremy and Winston, his small little family of three. He had a giftcard to give Jeremy so the boy could replace some of the clothes he had lost in the fire. Jess wanted the kid to be able to get some things for school that he had picked out himself. He knew his present wasn't much and he wanted to give it to him in private along with a card with a few sentimental words in it about how much he loved Jeremy and valued having him for a son. He was feeling extremely grateful to his family for making today so good for Jeremy. He worried that the holiday would have been as depressing as Jeremy's birthday in Philadelphia if his family had left him to his own devices.

"Did you have a good time today?" Jeremy asked hesitantly, and Jess looked over toward him.

"I had a very good time. How about you?"

"I did, too." Jeremy nodded. "It was the best Christmas Eve I've ever had. I just…..I just want to thank you for everything you've done for me, Jess. I want you to know how much I appreciate you being so awesome to me and sharing your amazing family with me. I had a really great day today. Thank you for that."

Jess wrapped his arm around Jeremy's shoulders, pulling him against his side for a half hug. "You don't need to thank me, Jeremy. I've loved having you in my life these past few months. Whatever you think I've done for you, whatever you think you've gotten out of our relationship, please know that you've given me so much more."

"Aww….." Jess watched the wide grin spread across Jeremy's face as the boy responded. "I love you, Jess. Even when you're completely full of crap."

Jess laughed and shook Jeremy lightly against him. "Aw, that's my sweet little boy! I love you, too, even when you're being a smartass!" Jess smiled as he listened to Jeremy's laughter.


	26. Chapter 26 - Christmas

**Chapter 26 Notes:** Christmas in Stars Hollow. Thanks for all the reviews and feedback. :) And, thank you for your suggestion, Pineapple Moon. I actually have something similar to what you described planned, but it might not show up for a few more chapters. I hope everyone had a lovely thanksgiving and thank you for sticking with my little story! :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Jess woke up on Christmas morning to the sound of banging. He couldn't place it, and he didn't want to. He just wanted it to go away. He pulled his pillow over his head and tried to block out the noise and return to sleep, but the sound was incessant. He finally gave up and got out of bed to investigate. He left his room just as Jeremy was coming out of his, Winston trailing behind him, both moving slowly and looking sleepy. "What is that?" Jeremy asked.

"I don't know. I think it's outside." Jess walked over to the window and looked down to the sidewalk in front of the diner below, where a tall thin man was methodically knocking the side of his mittened fist against the diner door in the just fading dark of the early morning. "Fucking Kirk!"

Jeremy walked over to join Jess at the window and peered out. "What do you think he wants? Can't he tell the diner's closed?"

Jess sighed. "He doesn't have a very good grasp of the obvious." Jess rapped sharply on the window with his knuckles and Kirk stopped knocking and looked up. Kirk acknowledged Jess with a wave, his expression blank, and then refocused on the door and went back to knocking.

"Is he…..special?" Jeremy asked.

"That's one way to describe him." Jess sighed again. "I'm going to go down there. You guys go back to bed. I'll get rid of him." Jess cupped the back of Jeremy's neck with a palm and dropped a kiss on the kid's head. "Merry Christmas!"

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A few minutes later, clad in jeans, a sweatshirt and sneakers, Jess unlocked the diner door and pulled it open, Kirk's fist pausing in the air mid-knock.

"What the hell do you want Kirk? It's six a.m. on Christmas morning! The diner's closed today. Did you really need me to come downstairs and read the sign to you?" Jess was trying to keep his temper in check, because it was Kirk, and Jeremy's assessment about Kirk being special hadn't been that far off.

"My car needs a jump."

"So? What are you telling me for?" Jess was annoyed that Kirk thought his car needing a jump was emergency enough to rouse him from his warm bed so early in the morning.

Kirk frowned. "Because you're the one who answered the door. Who else would I tell?" Kirk shook his head slowly, brow furrowed. "And, Luke always said you were smart. I'm starting to think he was just being kind."

"Jeez, Kirk." Jess ran a hand across his face. "It's too early for this shit."

"I was looking for Luke." Kirk was craning his neck to look around Jess into the diner.

"Why?"

"Because he always helps me with my problems." Kirk stated it matter of factly, as if Jess should have known as much.

Jess was getting cold in front of the open door. He considered telling Kirk to come inside so he could close it, but he worried that would prolong the conversation.

"It's Christmas, Kirk. Luke is home with his family."

"Then maybe you could help me instead." Kirk stared at Jess, his face expressionless, and Jess could hear Matthew's voice in his head, asking how the blank-faced town simpleton was doing whenever Jess had returned to Philly after a visit to Stars Hollow. He snorted out an unexpected laugh.

Kirk expression shifted ever so slightly toward hurt and Jess instantly felt guilty. "Why is that funny?"

"It's not. I was just thinking of something else for a second." An idea hit Jess and he smiled broadly at Kirk, pulling the door open wider. "Of course, I can jump your car, Kirk. Come in for a minute while I grab my coat and my car keys." Kirk followed Jess into the diner. "I'm thinking maybe we can work out a little trade. I help you with this, and you do a favor for me in return. What do you think?"

"I'm not sure. It depends on what you have in mind." Jess heard the suspicion in Kirk's voice and it only made the situation more amusing for him. "Luke never makes me do anything for him when he helps me with my problems. And, I find that system works quite well."

"Well, we've already established that I'm not Luke." Jess tried not to laugh at the mental picture playing in his head of the payoff he'd get later in the day. "I'll be right back. I'm just going to run up and grab my stuff."

Jess turned and headed to the stairs. He heard Kirk's footsteps following closely behind him. "Wait down here, Kirk." He snapped over his shoulder at the other man, wondering how Luke had put up with this guy day in day out for so many years.

"Luke is much more of a morning person than you are."

"Thanks for the feedback." Jess responded as he pushed through the curtain and started up the stairs.

"And bring a shovel." Kirk called after him. "You're going to need it. Did I mention the snow bank?"

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A full forty-five minutes later, Jess returned to the apartment after helping Kirk jump his battery and shovel out his car. He let himself in the back way, leaving the shovel leaning against the outside wall on the top landing of the staircase and placing the wrapped package that he had bartered from Kirk for his services on the coffee table. He could already picture Luke's expression when he opened the copy of Taylor's book later that day. His uncle's outrage would make it worth almost a full hour spent with Kirk. Jess pulled off his outerwear, hanging his jacket and shoving his hat and gloves in the pockets, watching Jeremy move around at the stove as he made breakfast.

"Hey, I thought I told you two to go back to bed."

The boy turned from the stove with a smile. "You did."

"And, I thought I was in charge around here." Jess smiled warmly as he walked over to Jeremy, wanting to hug the boy but knowing his hands would still be cold from his time outdoors.

"You are. Mostly." Jess raised an eyebrow and Jeremy laughed. "But, Winston thought we were up for real, so he wanted to eat and go outside. And after being out in the cold, _I_ was too awake to go back to bed. And, I figured you were still out in the cold and you would probably be hungry when you got back, so I thought I should make breakfast."

Jess felt a wave of parenting inadequacy smack him in the face. He had envisioned his first Christmas morning with Jeremy differently, with the boy waking up to an elaborate vegetarian brunch spread and a heap of sparkly wrapped presents. Even after everything that had happened, he had at least still wanted to make Jeremy breakfast, even if the 'heap of presents' in Jess's mind had been reduced to one $100 visa gift card. "I was going to do this for you, you know. I was planning on waking you up with the smell of veggie bacon and pancakes." Jess thought a minute. "Does veggie bacon even have an appetizing smell?" He had never used it before, but he had found some in the well-stocked fridge when they had moved in.

"I'm not sure. It probably smells like something, but I doubt it's a very bacon-like smell." Jeremy smiled at Jess. "It's ok that I made breakfast, though, right?" Jeremy's smile faltered a little.

"Yes, Jeremy. Of course, it's ok. It was very thoughtful of you." Some days Jeremy seemed more comfortable with Jess and some days Jess felt like the boy still needed constant reassurance that he was wanted and that he hadn't done anything wrong. He remembered Jeremy crying on Luke's shoulder in the diner kitchen on Thanksgiving, and he realized that Christmas would probably be a tough day, too. "And, I will never complain about anyone making me breakfast. Unless maybe it's Lorelai. I've only stayed at her house once, because the furnace broke in the diner and the apartment was freezing, and she woke me up by throwing a Poptart at me and yelling Bon Appetit."

Jeremy laughed. "Did you at least eat it to not be rude?"

Jess pushed up the sleeves of his sweatshirt and washed his hands at the sink, using mostly hot water to warm them up. "If I recall correctly, Luke slapped my hand and took it away from me before I could even unwrap it."

Jeremy laughed. "I don't really have much in the way of a present for you, so I wanted to do something nice instead."

"You don't need to get me anything, Jeremy. Your money is for school. We've been through this."

"I know. And, I didn't spend any of it." Jeremy moved the spatula in the pan, keeping the scrambled eggs from sticking. "But, that's why I wanted to do this, too. There are pancakes and veggie sausage staying warm in the oven. I didn't start the eggs until I saw you walking up to the diner from the window."

"Sounds good. Anything I can do to help?"

"Uh, you can set the table if you want."

Jess nodded, wiping off his hands on a dish towel. "I can do that. But, I need to do this first." He gently pulled the boy away from the stove and and wrapped him in a hug against his chest, kissing the side of his son's head. "Merry Christmas, kid. I'm so glad you're here with me today."

Jeremy pulled back with a shy smile. "I'm glad I'm here with you, too. Merry Christmas." Jeremy turned back to the eggs on the stove.

Cognizant of the role reversal, Jess started on his assigned task and retrieved plates from the cabinet, resigning himself to eating a meal prepared by his kid with food paid for by his uncle. Sometimes it was hard to still feel like a productive adult.

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Jeremy watched Jess sitting on the couch, staring down at the piece of paper he held in both hands, gently, like it was something valuable. Jeremy was unsure what to make of Jess's silence. The whole thing had felt like a joke the first time around, something done casually and spontaneously. He wasn't sure if it was pathetic to pass it off as an actual gift. But, Jess had pretty much forbidden him from spending any of his money on Christmas, and that hadn't left him with a lot of options. But, he had been nervous as he had presented his artwork to Jess now, placed in the gift box he had received his shirt in from Rory, carefully re-wrapped with the same paper. He had found the construction paper and colored markers lying around in a drawer, probably left over from April or Doula. So, he hadn't spent a penny, just as he had promised Jess.

"I know it's pretty stupid….but, I thought since you lost the other one in the fire…..and you seemed to kind of like it…." Jeremy started worrying about the ridiculousness of his offering. Maybe Jess had been ok with hanging the last family portrait on the fridge in Philadelphia as a joke because it had just been the two of them there. Maybe he would be embarrassed to hang it up here, where Luke or April or someone could see it. Maybe Jeremy himself should have been embarrassed at that idea. The longer Jess sat in silence, looking at the stick figures representing him and Jess and the fat brown blob representing Winston, the more anxious Jeremy became. Just because something was funny or charming once, didn't mean it would be a second time. He had reversed the captions Jess had added to his drawing the last time, writing 'best dad ever' by the drawing of Jess and 'luckiest kid ever' above the picture of himself. Not wanting to leave Winston out, he had added 'best dog ever' near Winston's head.

"It's not stupid." Jess's voice was thick with emotion, and when he turned toward Jeremy, his eyes were shining. "I love this, Jeremy. I love this so much. I love you, and I love that I have this back." Jess gently placed the drawing on the coffee table in front of them and pulled the boy next to him into a hug. "Thank you."

Jeremy let himself relax a little as Jess held him, realizing his gift had gone over well after all. It was funny to him, how he could please Jess so much with so little.

Jess released Jeremy and pulled back from the hug, training his eyes on the drawing on the table. "But, something's wrong here." Jess's voice was low and hoarse. "I think you got the descriptions backwards, here and here." Jeremy watched Jess point to the words 'best' and 'luckiest.'

Jeremy shook his head, smiling. "Art is all about perspective. We learned that in my art history class. You can't say something's wrong just because the artist's perspective is different from yours."

Jess nodded solemnly. "Well, if you heard that at school, it must be true." Jeremy got the feeling that Jess was going for sarcasm, but it felt flat because his delivery was so choked up.

Jeremy watched Jess gently flip the paper upside down and grab a pencil off the coffee table and start to right on the bottom left corner, behind the rectangle of the building representing the diner and apartment, where his writing wouldn't show through on the front. When he was finished, he handed the paper back to Jeremy, his eyes damp, and his expression constrained, as if he were holding back real tears. Jeremy saw the day's date followed by the message: the first time my son called me dad - 'best present ever.'

Jeremy felt Jess pull his neck gently toward him and kiss the top of his head. Jeremy looked up at Jess, feeling emotional himself. He heard Jess sniffle once, and watched him get up from the couch, avoiding eye contact as he patted Winston's head where the dog lay on the floor and then paused to pat Eeyore's fuzzy blue head as he passed Luke's armchair, the stuffed donkey's home since they had returned from the mall the previous day, before disappearing into the bathroom and closing the door behind him. Jeremy smiled at the gesture, knowing Jess's hasty retreat wasn't a rejection. That the man was just scared of not being able to hold it together in front of Jeremy. And, Jeremy got it. He'd been there lots of times, but usually with sad tears instead of happy ones. He smiled down at Jess's writing, thinking about how good it felt to have a real parent, one who loved him so much that he could be moved to tears by a thoughtful gift from him, like the parents he saw on television shows.

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Jess couldn't stand the sight of himself in the bathroom mirror, with tears welling pathetically in his eyes. He couldn't deal with what a wuss he was. He couldn't believe that his reaction to Jeremy calling him dad for the first time, even just in a drawing, had been to run crying from the room. Who did that? He thought back to all his own subtle references to being Jeremy's dad, calling himself the 'world's luckiest dad' in Jeremy's first drawing as signing his note to Jeremy with 'dad' when he had left the peacoat out for the boy, introducing himself as the boy's dad to the girls he had met in town, and the birthday card, that the good people at Hallmark had addressed to Jeremy as son on his behalf and that he had signed as 'dad'. He could think of several instances when he had used the term 'dad' in conversation with Jeremy, as in telling the boy that he wanted to be his dad, or already thought of himself as his dad, or that something he was doing came with the job description of being Jeremy's dad. But, never as a name that he wanted Jeremy to call him. He probably should have been more direct a long time ago, but he hadn't known how, and, if he was being honest with himself, he had been too scared of Jeremy's reaction to broach the subject with the boy. And, now Jeremy had thrown his own tactic back at him, throwing him for an emotional loop, and he had run out of the room like a skittish cat. He felt embarrassed and even more inadequate as a parent than usual. They needed to talk about this, as in have a real conversation. He needed to be the grown up here. And he needed to do it without embarrassingly puffy and red eyes. Jess sighed at his reflection, and turned away from the mirror to strip down for a shower. That would help.

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"So, uh…..I think we should talk." Jeremy looked up at Jess in response. They were sitting across from each other, at the table, wrapping presents before heading over to Luke and Lorelai's. Jeremy had been expecting Jess to start a conversation since the man had gotten out of the shower half an hour ago. He was ready for it.

"Ok. Can I go first?" Jeremy asked as he ripped off a piece of tape to seal the gift wrap on Rory's book.

Jess looked at him, the surprise clear on his face. Jeremy wasn't usually so direct, but after witnessing Jess's reaction to his drawing, he no longer had any reservations. He wanted to make this official. "Yeah, sure, Jeremy. Go ahead."

"I think I want to start calling you dad, if that's ok." It was the first time Jeremy could remember not feeling fearful of ridicule or rejection over anything this big. Even though it still sometimes felt surreal to Jeremy that he had a dad, a whole family, and that he was about to be adopted, this request somehow felt very normal and right.

When Jeremy looked up from the package he was wrapping, Jess was smiling warmly at him. "That's ok with me. It's more than ok. I would really love that."

"But, uh….." Jeremy hesitated a little. "Is it ok if we don't start today? Or if maybe, I don't do it at Luke and Lorelai's today?"

Jeremy watched Jess's smile dim momentarily and he felt like an asshole. Jess was giving him something that he had always dreamed of and he didn't want to mess it up, but he felt nervous about doing it in front of Jess's, or their, whole family. "You can do whatever you're comfortable with, Jeremy. Always." Jess smiled, but Jeremy could see the unsureness there and felt a rush of guilt.

"It's not like I don't want to." Jeremy explained. "Cause, I do. More than anything. I've always wanted someone who really wanted to be my parent and that I could call mom or dad. And, I really want to call you that and take your last name, the whole thing. I just kind of want to get used to it, just us, before I do it in front of everyone else, I guess, if that's ok. Like, I think if I bust out calling you dad at Luke and Lorelai's today, with everyone around, they're all going to notice and I'm going to feel self-conscious, so as much as I want to do it, I want to start off during times when it's just me and you. Does that sound stupid? Like I'm making too big a deal of it?" Jeremy was looking down, fiddling with a bow on Lorelai's gift.

"I don't think it's stupid at all. I get it. It is a big deal. If you don't want to call me dad today, you don't have to. You can keep calling me Jess." Jeremy smiled and looked up at Jess, grateful for how understanding and kind Jess always was to him. "If you need to roll it out slowly and go back and forth between the two, that's fine, too. If there are times you prefer to call me one over the other, I'll answer to either." Jess paused, his expression serious. "I'm going to say this one more time, and I want you to take it at face value, ok, because I really mean it. Whatever you're comfortable with Jeremy. Always."

Jeremy nodded. "Thanks. You're a really good dad, Dad." Jeremy could feel his cheeks warming slightly. He knew he had to be turning pink and the thought made him blush even more.

"I try." Jess smirked. "You're a really good son, Son."

Jeremy looked back down at the bow in his hands, using the blade of the scissors to curl the ribbon, needing to be busy with something and knowing he had made the right decision to let Jess know he needed to ease into this. He knew it would be emotional, but he had underestimated exactly how overwhelming it would feel.

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"Aren't we waiting for Emily?" April asked.

"My mother just texted me that her flight from Nantucket was delayed due to the wind. She might not get off the island until later tonight. So, I say we do presents now!"

Rory smiled, shifting Leelee in her arms. "I still can't get over the idea of Grandma texting. Every time I talk to her these days, she's doing something so not Grandma. It's weird, but kind of awesome at the same time."

"Your grandmother is so cool and glamorous." April said. "When I'm old, I want to be just like Emily."

Rory smiled at her step-sister. "I never would have thought that when I was younger, but yeah, now I kind of do, too."

"All right, less chatting, more gifting!" Lorelai said. Jess watched her dig around under the Christmas tree, batting at the pompom on her santa hat that kept bouncing against her face. She had already started on the spiked eggnog, by herself since Rory was breastfeeding and Luke was Luke, by the time Jess and Jeremy had arrived. Normally, Jess would be mentally judging her for being tipsy by early afternoon, but today he was feeling goodwill toward all, and mentally patting himself on the back for his maturity. He had even accepted a glass, when Lorelai claimed she shouldn't have to drink alone on a holiday, but it was strong stuff just as April had warned him, and he had abandoned it on the table after one sip, not wanting to get tipsy in front of Jeremy.

Lorelai resurfaced with a large flat box that she handed to Jeremy and a small, featherlight box that she handed to Jess. "Merry Christmas from me and Luke!"

Jeremy thanked Lorelai and carefully unwrapped his gift. "Thank you guys so much, but I actually already have a laptop." Jeremy looked pained, as if he feared the admission would make him look ungrateful.

"We know." Luke said. "But, we heard you guys have been sharing just the one, so we wanted you to each have your own. You'll need one for school that Jess isn't hogging, right?"

Jess leaned over Jeremy's shoulder and read the description on the box. "I'd say you got an upgrade there, Jeremy."

"Thank you very much." Jeremy said. "I really appreciate this."

"You're welcome, hon." Lorelai said.

Jess opened his present to find an annual membership to the only gym in Stars Hollow. "Aww, thank you guys. I could really use this. I was starting to go a little crazy without working out. This is perfect." Then Jess spotted the very generous Visa gift card still nestled in the tissue paper, good for around four times as much as Luke normally spent on him, and he felt a little overwhelmed.

"You're welcome, Nephew. And, I know the gift card is pretty boring, but we figured you needed some new clothes and there was probably still random stuff you guys needed to replace. We thought it would be useful."

Jess nodded, a little taken aback by Luke's generosity when the man was already doing so much for him and Jeremy. "It definitely will. It will be very useful. Thank you. Really."

"You're welcome!" Lorelai cut in. "Luke wanted to pick out new clothes for you instead, but I talked him into a gift card, so yeah, you're welcome."

Everyone laughed as Luke tried to defend himself. "I was just going to pick up some warm stuff, shirts and sweatshirts and stuff. How wrong could I have really gone with that?"

"You guys could have had matching uncle-nephew flannel outfits!" April cracked up at her own joke. "Lorelai, you totally should have let that happen!"

"Like I said." Lorelai repeated. "You're welcome."

Jess made a point of making eye contact with Lorelai and then Luke. "Thank you both, this was very generous of you."

After that, the gift exchange moved quickly. Rory and Jess exchanged slim, flat wrapped packages. "Oh, look!" Lorelai exclaimed as they opened them. "The two book nerds bought each other books! So cute!"

"I was going to get this!" Rory said after she'd unwrapped hers. "I was reading a review of it the other day and thought it looked great."

"I think you'll like it. I'm glad you don't already have it." Jess unwrapped his package and saw a familiar cover staring back at him and he felt himself getting a little choked up.

"I hated the idea of you losing your copy in the fire." Rory said. "You wrote a book, you should definitely own a copy of it."

"This is great, Rory. This was really thoughtful. Thanks."

"You wrote a book?" Jeremy asked. "Can I read it?"

Jess tossed the paperback onto Jeremy's lap. "Knock yourself out, but if you think it's garbage, blame Rory, not me. She's the one that bought it."

"It's not garbage." April assured Jeremy. "I've read it. it's actually halfway decent."

"All right." Jess started handing out the rest of the gifts from him and Jeremy. "More gifting, less book reviewing."

Lorelai liked her yarn and engraved knitting needles, and Jess liked the warm, pleased smile he got from Luke after watching her open her gift.

Luke and April were instantly confused by their gifts. April was staring at her bobble-head with a small frown. "Uh, thanks, I guess."

"That's only a placeholder for your real presents, which are currently unavailable." Luke and April stared blankly bank at him.

"I told you it was weird." Jeremy whispered.

"It's not weird. C'mon, can't you tell?" Jess waited for someone to guess, but no one did. "Jeremy and I are taking you guys to see the Red Sox!"

"Cool!" April said. "Thanks."

"Nephew, if you think Tom Brady has anything to do with the Red Sox….well, I really don't know where I went wrong with you."

Jess laughed. "You try finding baseball stuff in December."

"Jess, I wanted us to all go to Fenway, but I was planning on buying the tickets. You don't need to do that." Luke sounded worried and it made Jess feel both annoyed and loved.

"We want to. The tickets are on me and Jeremy. It's a present, Luke. You're supposed to accept it graciously, not tell the giver they shouldn't have bought it."

Luke smiled, then. "Ok. You're right. Thank you guys. I'll be looking forward to this."

"You're very welcome. Oh, we have one more thing for you!" Jess passed Luke's other present to Lorelai, who smiled mischievously before handing it off to Luke. Rory was grinning, too, as she paced behind Luke's chair, bouncing Leelee in her arms.

Luke hefted the package, as if testing the weight. He felt around the edges of the wrapping. "Jess, if this is what I think it is, I'm going to beat you with it. Just giving you fair warning, so you can get a headstart." Everyone laughed and Jess smiled.

Luke pulled open the wrapping paper and looked up at his nephew, a look of playful disgust on his face. "Seriously, Jess, are you trying to kill me?"

Jess feigned innocence. "I don't know what you're talking about. We just thought you might want to get a little more educated about one of Stars Hollow's most esteemed leaders."

"Now, I've got a collection." Luke said, smiling despite his annoyance.

"Everyone had the same idea. Great minds and all that. See?" Rory helpfully lifted up another copy of Taylor's book from the table against the stairs, holding it out for everyone to see with the hand that wasn't cradling the baby, before putting it back down and doing the same with a second copy.

April laughed. "Yeah, but Jess is the only one who got threatened with violence!"

"I can't believe you already have it. Did I miss the rant when you opened the first copy?"

Lorelai giggled. "You did! And, it was a good one, too!"

"My entire family is trying to kill me. Can you put this with the rest of my Taylor Doose library?" Luke started to hand the book to Rory.

"Wait, I want to see it." April said, taking the book Luke handed her and skimming through it. "Can I borrow this?"

"You actually want to read that, April?" Luke asked.

"Are you kidding? Taylor is such an interesting character! I get that he's a crazy little dictator and everything, but c'mon, you know this is going to be entertaining. I mean, obviously, I'll be reading it as satire, even though he clearly didn't intend it that way, but that's part of the fun. The only thing that could possibly be better would be if Kirk wrote a memoir." April laughed to herself. "Oh, man, that would be so good! The world according to Kirk! Now, I'm not going to be able to get that thought out of my head. Maybe if I gave him the idea….."

Jess is a little disappointed that Lorelai and Rory had stolen his thunder. He consoled himself with the idea that at least he hadn't spent money on his copy like they had.

Jeremy got up and picked up another copy off the table. "Could I borrow one, too?"

"Of course, you can, Jeremy." Luke said. "But, I would highly recommend skipping the book and just banging your head against a brick wall instead."

Jeremy laughed. "April's right, Taylor's a riot. Without meaning to be, but that's the best kind. He was so funny at the tree lighting ceremony last night."

"Yeah, he was killing me!" April agreed. "Only Taylor could incorporate a speech on the civic responsibility of using rock salt on your sidewalks into the nativity story."

Jeremy laughed. "Yeah, that was great. I mean, his level of earnestness alone makes him fascinating."

"Wow." Rory said, shaking her head sadly. "This younger generation has no literary taste whatsoever."

Jess smirked and held up the copy of _The Subsect_ that Jeremy had set down on the coffee table when he stood up. "Um, you spent good money on this piece of self-indulgent fluff, so I wouldn't throw stones if I were you."

Jess could hear everyone laughing, but his eyes were on Rory as they shared a smile. In it Jess saw her copy of _Howl_ with the margins filled with his handwriting, lazy days spent reading on the bridge, their feet dangling over the water, and one memorable day of reading on a bench in Washington Square Park and being surprised by the most unlikely of truants. He knew none of that was his anymore, and it never would be again, but the memory could still feel nice from time to time. When he looked away, he caught Jeremy watching him.

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Jess was sitting on the porch steps, under the guise of bringing Winston, who was currently curled up next to him, outside to relieve himself, even though the outing had been as much about Jess needing a break. Liz had arrived with her family a couple of hours ago and Lorelai was no longer drinking alone. Liz and TJ had been a little past tipsy when Jess had come out to catch a breath. They had both loved TJ's socks. Jess heard the door open and assumed it was Jeremy or Luke or April coming to check on him. He was surprised when Rory, bundled up in her winter coat and hat sat down on the other side of Winston.

She smiled at him. "Is it ok that I'm sitting here?"

"Hey, they're your stairs." Jess smiled. "I think Winston and I should be the ones asking you that."

"Hmm….I guess they're my mom and Luke's stairs now." She wrinkled her nose in slight displeasure. "It's a little weird living here again and kind of being the one who doesn't belong this time around."

"What are you talking about? Your mom and Luke are crazy about you. If you're worried about Luke feeling like you're cramping his style, don't be. He loves having you and Leelee here. I can already see how heartbroken he's going to be when you and Leelee actually do leave Stars Hollow." Jess paused, looking out into the yard. "This might be the happiest I've ever seen Luke. He loves this stuff."

"What stuff?"

"Having every kid he's ever even remotely parented a rock's throw away from him. The only thing that could make him happier would be if April's career crashes and burns and you two end up sharing bunk beds in your room."

Rory laughed softly. "I hope you're right, that he doesn't mind. I know it's not what he signed up for when he married my mom."

Jess was shaking his head before Rory was even done talking. "He doesn't mind. Trust me. To him, it's better than what he signed up for."

"I love being here. I never pictured myself being one of those people who move back home as adults. But, it's been so nice…... It's so safe and they've been so good to me, taking care of me and Leelee. They stayed up with me so many nights when I was pregnant and couldn't sleep, watching tv with me and making me snacks. And, now, helping me with Leelee, and never complaining about there being a crying baby in their house in the middle of the night. They've been amazing. But, I don't want to be in their way either. Sometimes I feel like Luke doesn't have a lot of room or a lot of say in stuff, and I worry about it not being fair to him, and him feeling like it's two against one."

Jess scoffed. "C'mon, even if you didn't live here, do you really think luke would have any say with lorelai?"

Rory smiled.

"No offense." Jess held up the hand that wasn't petting Winston, palm out. "She's just the alpha in their relationship. Someone's gotta be. The only way I see Luke's situation changing if you didn't live here, is that he would miss you and his granddaughter."

"Maybe you're right." They sat side by side for a moment, both staring into the dark, lost in their own thoughts.

"It's nice how well you and my mom have been getting along lately." Rory said.

"What do you expect?" Jess smirked even as he said it. "We're both nice people."

Rory smiled. "I found you both to be nice people fifteen years ago, too, but you guys couldn't stand to be in the same room back then."

Jess shrugged. "That was forever ago. People change." Jess waited a beat. "Yep, Lorelai has really grown up."

Rory barked out a laugh. "Well, I like it. I like this whole comfy little family vibe we have going on here." She shot a quick glance at Jess before looking away, back out to the yard. "I think we both really need family right now, more than anything. Don't you think?"

Jess felt the not so subtle hint like a slap across the face, immediately insulted that she thought his intentions were otherwise. That she thought he needed to be warned off pursuing her when he had no interest in doing so. _She_ was the one who had come out here to sit with _him_. He had been mostly treating her like a polite acquaintance since he had learned how she misled him about the blond dick being Leelee's dad. Did she really think he was being nice to Lorelai for _her_ benefit since that had been such a major sticking point for her when they had dated back in high school? He made sure to get his rising anger under control before responding.

"Yep, I sure do." Jess wanted to say something cutting, to ask about logan. _Hey, speaking of family, where's Leelee's dad today? Oh, right, he's with his real family in London._ He wanted to say something mean, something that would hurt her like she had just hurt him, but he didn't. He wondered if this was what being part of a functional family meant. Eating your anger for the sake of getting along. He let his mind wander down their long history of hurting each other without meaning to, remembering how she had kissed him only to ignore him all summer while she was in Washington and pick right back up with Dean when she returned in the fall, seeing himself arriving at her dorm at Yale late one night to find her there with Dean, or the end of the open house at Truncheon, Rory trying to use him to get back at the blond dick, and himself, admittedly not blameless, lying to her even as he had already boarded a bus to California and tracking her down in the street to tell her he loved her before running away a second time.

Rory's expression was serious now. "I really am glad you're home, Jess. I don't want you to think I'm not."

"Thanks." Jess's voice was flat now, their rapport of a few minutes ago gone.

"Well, it's getting cold out here."

Jess nodded. "It sure is."

Rory threw in a shiver for effect before standing up and going back inside. As she opened the door, Jess heard luke yelling. "Dammit, TJ, get your feet off my coffee table. Who's idea were those stupid socks anyway?" Jess smiled as he picked out Jeremy's voice from the collective peel of laughter that rose up only to be abruptly cut off by the closing door. If this was what he had to put up with for Jeremy to be part of a family that all got along, he could suck it up. There were worse things.

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Jess sat outside for a few more minutes, knowing that the length of his absence was bordering on rude and that he needed to go back in soon. He was about to stand up when a shiny black BMW pulled into the driveway. Jess watched the car doors open, and Lorelai's mother step out of the backseat before the driver could reach her door. When the man opened the trunk and started to pull out a suitcase, Jess looped Winston's leash around a rail in the banister and stood up, walking over to offer his assistance.

"Hi Mrs. Gilmore. I'm Luke's nephew." Jess said, unsure if she would remember him. He accepted the suitcase from the driver and Emily smiled and thanked the man as he got back into the driver's seat.

"Yes, I know who you are, Jess. I'm not completely senile yet. I can still name every member of my extended family as well as identity them by sight. I like to think I still have a few good years left in me." The words were the same type that Jess remembered from her, crisp, direct and suffering no fools, but her attitude was something he hadn't seen before in the handful of times they had encountered each other over the years. The bright smile on her face seemed genuine and her tone was playful, her energy relaxed. He didn't feel the same urge he normally felt around her to respond to whatever she said with some version of 'yes, ma'am'.

Jess laughed softly. "I don't doubt that you do."

Jess watched Emily wave at the driver as the car backed out of the drive. They started to walk through the snowy grass toward the house. Emily slid a step on an icy patch and Jess reached out to steady her, then offered her his free arm. Emily smiled and took it. "My, aren't you a polite young man."

Jess huffed out a laugh. "Thanks, I try."

"I hear there are two new members of the family this year. I'm very much looking forward to meeting my great-granddaughter."

"As someone who's already had the pleasure, I can attest that she's pretty great."

"I hear that your son is quite charming as well."

"Thanks. I like to think so." Jess wasn't sure how a parent was supposed to respond to something like that. 'Thanks' felt inaccurate in retrospect since Jess hadn't had much to do with how charming Jeremy was or wasn't.

"I have something for him. It's a rather large check. I'm telling you now because I don't want you to give me any problems or try to turn it down in front of your young man. Also, my daughter was incapable of providing me with Jeremy's last name for the check, so I need you to tell me what it is."

"Oh, Mrs. Gilmore-" Jess started.

"Please call me Emily. I'm not sure what it is with you and your uncle that causes you both to continue calling me Mrs. Gilmore after over a decade of us knowing each other. April calls me Emily. I like that girl." Emily smiled at the thought of April.

"She likes you, too. And, it's really generous of you to offer, but you don't have to give Jeremy anything."

"I don't? Why is that?" Emily feigned serious curiosity. "You have college already taken care of? You have the money sitting in a big pile somewhere ready to take to the bursar's office on the boy's first day of school?" Her tone and easy smile kept her words from coming across as harsh as they could have.

Jess laughed. "Well, no, not exactly. But, we'll figure it out."

"I'm sure you will. And part of how you'll figure it out is by letting family add to his college fund. And you my dear boy are a part of my family." She patted his arm with her free hand. "It's just something to get him started."

"Thank you. Really. That's very nice of you." Jess didn't know what to say.

"It's a very nice thing you've done as well, Jess."

"Oh, I uh-" Now he _really_ didn't know what to say.

"Don't be modest, young man. It is. Adoption is a big deal, especially as a single parent. I should know. I was adopted."

Jess turned to look at her, not sure if she was pulling his leg. He racked his memory for any knowledge of this, but found none. "Huh. I don't think I knew that."

Emily nodded, her expression pleasant. "I was. Right after I was born. My mother, my birth mother I believe they would call her these days, was an unwed young woman from a poor family who put me up for adoption. My parents were the ones who took me home from the hospital. They were lovely people. Then didn't tell me I was adopted until I was in my twenties, but I believe that's how things were typically done back then, if the child was told at all. I loved my parents very much, but sometimes I look at my daughter and granddaughter and I wonder if my life would have been so bad had I been raised by a young, single mother. But, things were different back then. It would have been much more difficult for my mother than it was for my daughter. I can understand why my mother chose to give me up, and I very much appreciate that my parents were there to adopt me, as I am sure Jeremy appreciates you."

"Huh. I didn't know any of that."

"Yes, well, once you marry a Gilmore, no one has much interest in hearing about your family." Even this was said without resentment and Jess marveled at the change in Emily's energy and how authentically happy she seemed.

When they got to the porch, Winston stood to greet them, tail wagging, and Emily stopped on the first stair, letting go of Jess's arm and reaching down to pet Winston. "Who's this cute little fellow?"

"That's Winston. He belongs to me and Jeremy."

"Well, he's a cute little thing. Aren't you boy? Yes you are." Jess smiled as he listened to Emily baby talking Winston. She looked up at Jess as he untied Winston's leash from the porch rail. "Jess, you never told me his last name?"

Jess smirked. "I never really thought about Winston having a last name. I suppose it's Mariano."

Emily laughed loudly. "That's cute." She turned to Winston. "Your daddy's a funny man, isn't he?" Then back to Jess. "I was talking about Jeremy."

Jess smiled. It was a weird sensation, but he felt like he was actually having a good time with Emily. "It's Cooper. Soon to be Mariano. He wants to get it changed. But right now, it's still Cooper." Jess wondered why he told her about Jeremy's impending name change. He hadn't even told Luke about that yet.

Emily smiled at him. "Lovely. Thank you." She tilted her head toward the suitcase. "And thank you for your help with this."

"It was my pleasure." Jess opened the door and stood back with the suitcase and dog, letting Emily enter first.


	27. Chapter 27 - Small Town Charm

**Chapter 27 Notes:** The boys fill their time during winter break before they make their new starts at school and work. Thanks so much for all the comments and feedback on the last chapter! I'm glad you guys liked my Emily. She was so fun to write, and it's always bugged me that we knew pretty much nothing about her backstory when she's such a main character. :) I want to respond to a question from a guest reader who was interested in my real-life connection to DCFS. I volunteer as a CASA, or court appointed special advocate, for children in foster care. I'm also getting my master's in social work with the end goal of being a child social worker. If anyone is looking for meaningful volunteer work with children in foster care, I would highly recommend being a CASA. It's a lot of work, but I find it super rewarding.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

The next week went by quickly. Jeremy didn't start school until after the new year. Jess wasn't starting his job at the bookstore until the same time, so it worked out perfectly as far as Jeremy was concerned. He got to spend his days with Jess and his evenings working at the diner. April stayed in the apartment with them for a couple of days after Christmas before heading back to Boston, Jeremy insisting on giving up his room and taking the couch. They went to the science museum in Hartford one day with April and Luke, Jess letting Jeremy go, even though he was still technically grounded because his cousin was only around for a limited time and it was a family outing. At her request to get to know her grandson better, Jeremy had spent one afternoon at Liz's house playing board games with her and Doula, working on his sign language, and having his chakra read. Jess had let him go under the guise of not wanting to disappoint Doula, but Jeremy knew it had more to do with Jess not wanting to hurt Liz's feelings. He could tell that Jess was working on his relationship with his mother, even though he hadn't said anything about it, and Jeremy was happy to oblige. The other days had been spent just him and Jess, one shopping for school supplies and going to the mall to spend his gift card on new school clothes, one walking into city hall as Jeremy Cooper and walking out as Jeremy Mariano, another spent cozy in the apartment during a snowfall so heavy that Jeremy wasn't needed in the diner, playing scrabble, watching movies and cooking dinner together. That day had been his favorite. As much as he knew he should be eager to make friends and develop his own social life with people his age in Stars Hollow, he always felt at his most comfortable and content when it was just him and Jess, or him and Luke. It was the first time he could remember having people that he could just be himself around, without having to worry about saying something stupid or not being good enough. Those were the times he felt the happiest and the safest.

Jeremy liked working at the diner. The work wasn't overly hard, and he liked the hustle when it was busy and how it made the time fly by. He also liked the lull after the dinner rush and helping Luke close up at the end of the night, when he would wipe down tables or sweep the floor and Luke would talk to him, asking about his day, telling him about some entertaining customer interaction, often Kirk related, that he had missed earlier in the day or sharing stories about his own teenage years or his parents, whom he referred to as Jeremy's great-grandparents. Jeremy liked the sound of that, the idea of being so rooted in his new family that he had great-grandparents, even if he had never gotten to meet them.

He also liked that he got the chance to meet some of the kids he would be at school with in January. He only had half a year left of high school and he figured he could make it through anything for that short a period of time, but he got the sense that Stars Hollow High was going to be a better experience than most schools he had attended. Jeremy liked the idea of living in a small town, but he hadn't fully understood what it meant until customers, especially those who were teenagers or adults who had teenage children with them, kept asking him if he was new to town and introducing themselves. He smiled every time he introduced himself as Jeremy Mariano. It felt good. He had served Sarah and Autumn, who had remembered him and introduced him to a group of senior boys they knew at another table. Sarah had also invited him to the New Year's Eve party she was throwing that weekend, and not wanting to turn her down a second time, Jeremy had admitted he would like to go, but he couldn't because he was grounded for almost three more weeks. Sarah had asked what he had done to end up grounded for such a long time and his explanation had been met with a disapproving look from Autumn and a mischievous smile from Sarah, who made him write down her address anyway in case he felt like sneaking out on Saturday night. He knew he wouldn't do it, but she was a hard person to say no to, so he dutifully copied down what she told him on the back of an order slip. Sarah reminded him a little of Melissa, and Jeremy wondered if Autumn ever did things she knew were wrong to please Sarah. The interaction made him miss his girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend now, as Melissa had been clear that she hadn't wanted to try a distance relationship when he left Philadelphia, but he still held out hope that they could reconnect once his sentence was up and he was allowed to text again. Overall, things were going well. Everyone seemed very friendly and without exception each new introduction ended with someone, either a fellow student or their parent, telling him that they were sure he was going to like the high school or the town in general. It all felt very welcoming, almost comfortable. Jeremy had never experienced anything like it, but he loved it. He didn't get why Jess had been so resistant to move back to Stars Hollow. Jeremy never wanted to leave.

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Jess was lying on the couch reading a book on Friday evening when he heard a knock on the door. He sighed. Jeremy was downstairs working an evening shift at the diner and Jess figured he must have forgotten something. "Jeremy, you don't have to knock! You live here!"

The apartment door swung open and Luke walked in instead. Jess smiled. "Oh, hey. You don't need to knock either, since it's your house and all."

"What? Oh, no, I should knock. I own the building, but you guys are living here. I don't mind knocking." Luke sounded distracted as he took a quick peek back into the hallway before closing the door behind him and turning to face Jess.

Jess raised an eyebrow. "What's up? You afraid you were being followed?"

Luke laughed. "No, smartass, I just wanted to make sure we were alone. That's all." Luke bent to pet Winston who had gotten up to greet their guest. "Hey, boy? How's my second favorite great-nephew doing?"

"You can't play favorites like that Luke. It's bad for Winston's self-esteem." Jess was still laying flat on the couch, but he had put down his book, resting the paperback open on his chest to save his place.

Luke laughed and sat down in the armchair across from Jess, then leaned forward and reached behind him, pulling out the stuffed donkey. He held it up and looked at it quizzically. "Is this Winston's?"

"It's Jeremy's." He met Luke's confused look with a shrug. "He saw it when we were Christmas shopping. He had one when he was little and he still lived with his parents. I could tell he wanted it. I don't think you outgrow stuff like that."

"Oh." Luke sat the stuffed donkey on the armrest of his chair.

"But, maybe don't say anything to him about it, ok?"

Luke nodded. "Yeah, sure. I won't say anything."

Jess slowly pulled himself up to a sitting position, putting his book down on the coffee table. He could tell Luke wanted to have a talk with him and for a minute he caught a whiff of the leftover teenage feeling of wondering what he had done. "So, what's up?"

"Oh, it's nothing. I just, well, I've been trying to get you alone all week, but it's tough because you're always with Jeremy, or if you're not, I'm with him in the diner. I finally got away tonight by telling him that I needed to come up here and look for an old ledger I needed, that it might be in the safe. I'm not a very good liar, though, so I'm not sure he bought it."

"Uh, you do know that he works for you, right, not the other way around?"

Luke laughed. "I realize that, Nephew. I just wanted to come talk to you without him knowing, I guess."

Jess felt a surge of worry. "Everything is working out all right with Jeremy in the diner, isn't it?" Jess couldn't imagine things not going well. Jeremy had wanted a job so badly and he had so much respect for Luke. Jess couldn't imagine the kid slacking off or not being a good worker, but he couldn't see where else this conversation was headed.

"What? Oh, yeah! Things are going great in the diner. He's a good worker. He's very polite to the customers. He never complains about anything that I ask him to do. He gets along with Cesar and the other servers. He's so much better than you were. So much better!" Luke emphasized, laughing as Jess frowned.

"All right. I get it."

Luke paused, and Jess watched a smile spread across his face. "And, I love having him there with me. I love getting to talk to him and spend time with him like this. I'm thinking, though, that when he starts school next week I should limit him to maybe two or three shifts during the week and then he can work as much as he wants on the weekends. I know he needs money for college, but I don't want this job getting in the way of him studying and everything. What do you think?"

Jess knew that Luke was right on both counts, but he was leaning toward prioritizing how badly they needed money for Jeremy's college. He trusted that Jeremy would be able to manage his time and prioritize his school work better than he had at that age. Plus, with only one more semester of high school left, he didn't really think Jeremy could get himself in too much trouble. All his college applications were already out. "Yeah, I think starting him with a couple of shifts during the week sounds good, maybe three if one is Friday night. But, Luke you don't need to worry about him, ok? He's not going to mess up with school. He's a really good student and he takes school really seriously. He's going to go to college."

"I know. I know, you're right. I just worry."

Jess felt a small tug of guilt at the idea that Luke felt like he had to worry about whether another kid he loved would actually make it through high school thanks to Jess's own adolescent behavior.

"So." Jess spoke slowly. "You've been trying to get me alone all week to talk about Jeremy's work schedule?" It didn't seem plausible to Jess, and he knew there was more coming.

Luke was still rubbing behind Winston's ears as the dog stood next to his chair and now he looked down at the dog. "That was part of it, sure."

"What's the other part?"

Luke looked back up, and Jess didn't like seeing the uncertainty on the man's face. "It's just, well, I noticed something at Christmas that I wanted to talk to you about. It's probably none of my business, but it got me wondering."

Jess felt a spike of anger at the idea that Luke was going to ask him whether anything was going on with him and Rory. He didn't know what he was doing to give people the impression that he wanted there to be anything there, and he was getting sick of people misinterpreting his intentions. Was he supposed to act like a complete dick to her? Ignore her altogether? Is that what it would take to make everyone in his family stop assuming he was pining over her? He wasn't going to make this easy. If Luke wanted to butt in on his relationship, or lack thereof, with Rory, he was going to need to have the balls to bring it up on his own. "Yeah? What is it?" Jess kept his voice firm and neutral, wanting to convey the message that this wasn't a welcome topic, that it was indeed none of Luke's business.

Luke sighed, glanced over Jess's shoulder for a moment before regaining eye contact with his nephew. "At the end of the night, when Liz and TJ were leaving and saying goodbye to everyone, I noticed that Jeremy called them Grandma and Grandpa."

Oh. Jess instantly felt like an ass for making this all about him. He nodded, leaning forward, giving Luke his earnest attention to make up for his unkind thoughts.

"And, I don't know. I guess, I was wondering how that had happened. I didn't know that was an option, or a thing we could do….."

"You didn't know that was a thing we could do?" Jess tried not to smile at Luke's phrasing.

Luke looked back down at Winston, who was now resting his chin on the chair by Luke's leg, eyes closed as he enjoyed his head rub. "Yeah, I mean. He still calls you Jess. I didn't think we could have him call us family names when he isn't even calling you by a family name. And, if he wanted to use names like that, how come he's using them with Liz and TJ….."

"Instead of with you?" Jess prompted.

"Yeah, I guess. I just, I thought we had a bond, me and him. And, I was surprised to see him calling Liz Grandma…."

"You do have a bond. He's crazy about you. Liz asked. Or, rather, she sent TJ over to ask on her behalf if I would encourage Jeremy to call her Grandma." Jess shrugged. "You know how Liz is. I told him I'd ask Jeremy, but I wouldn't make him do anything he wasn't comfortable with. Jeremy was fine with it. Said he would do it if it made Liz happy. He also asked me if he should start calling you and Lorelai aunt and uncle. I told him that that was between him and you guys, but that I thought you'd be fine with whatever he wanted to call you. I get the impression that he would like to call you Uncle Luke, but he might be too self-conscious to ever ask you. Stuff like that is hard. It's a big deal."

"Oh….Well, for the record, I would love it if he wanted to call me Uncle Luke."

"Do you want me to bring it up to him?"

"No. No, don't say anything to him. I think I should talk to him about it myself, if that's ok."

"It's ok with me."

"I just. When I saw him with Liz." Luke looked back down at Winston while he spoke. "I didn't know if it had anything to do with me not letting you call me Uncle when you came to live with me. If you had assumed I wouldn't want Jeremy to, either. I feel bad about that sometimes, you know."

Jess thought about that. He understood that he had originally used the term sarcastically, only calling the man 'uncle' when he was trying to be particularly annoying or get a rise out of him, but after his initial transition to being with Luke, it would have been nice to have been able, or even invited, to call Luke by a family name. If Luke had told him that he wanted him to call him uncle after he had been in Stars Hollow for a few months, it would have felt nice, like a symbol of them really becoming a family. He had often gotten the impression that Luke regretted his choice to bar the word 'uncle' from Jess's personal lexicon, mostly when the man went out of the way to refer to Jess as 'nephew,' but he assumed that Luke hadn't known how to go about correcting the issue after the fact. He felt like it was too late now. And telling Luke how he felt now would only serve to make the man feel guilty. He realized that what Jeremy had said about transitioning to calling him dad was true. Jess would feel far too self-conscious to start calling Luke 'uncle' or Liz 'mom' at this stage in his life. He was glad to know that his son was braver than he was. All he could do now was make sure things turned out better for Jeremy. Jess spoke honestly, not saying it was ok, because it didn't feel ok, but not wanting Luke to feel bad about it either. "I don't hold it against you." Jess paused, unsure of how much he should say, but wanting to give Luke a heads-up that Jeremy wanted to start calling him 'dad' so that Luke wouldn't be throw off when he heard it and react in a way that would make Jeremy feel uncomfortable. "And he and I talked on Christmas. He wants to start calling me dad, but we're going to ease into it. It's a big thing for him, for both of us."

Luke smiled broadly, obviously happy for his nephew. "That's great, Jess! It's so amazing to think that a year ago your heart wasn't really into becoming a foster parent and now you're Jeremy's dad."

Jess huffed out a quiet laugh. "Yeah, it's pretty crazy." He admitted.

Luke was smiling at him warmly, the fondness in his expression giving Jess a warm, cozy feeling in his chest. "I love seeing good things happen for you, Jess."

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"So, how was your first official week as a Mariano?" Jess scooped a serving of roasted broccoli onto his plate. It was Sunday night and they were just sitting down to dinner. Jess had a little bit of nervous energy about starting his new job tomorrow, but overall, he felt pretty good. He had spent the day getting them both read for their fresh starts this week. While Jeremy worked at the diner, Jess had thoroughly cleaned the apartment, done their laundry and cooked for dinner as well as made a few things that they could throw together for lunches during the week. He had woken up early and gone to the gym almost every day that week and working out again was making him feel calmer and more himself. So was being in Stars Hollow. He didn't feel as desperate as he had back in Philly. He felt confident that he could handle whatever Andrew needed from him tomorrow, and he felt very grateful for the opportunity.

Jeremy smiled. "It was good. I really liked introducing myself that way."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. A few people even asked me if I was related to you when they heard my name. It was pretty cool getting to say yes. I've never been related to anyone before." The boy's grin was contagious and seeing it made Jess smile. He thought about the family he had grown up with, the Liz he remembered from his childhood and then meeting Jimmy in California. No one else had ever been this excited to be related to him.

"This is a first for me, too." Jess watched Jeremy's brow furrow in question as he chewed a bite of veggie lasagna. "I've never had anyone else in my family share my name."

Jeremy swallowed. "Didn't Liz? When you were a kid, I mean, before she married TJ?"

"Nope. Liz and Jimmy, my father, never got married, so she kept Danes until she married TJ. I was always the only Mariano I knew." Jess considered that statement. "Until I met Jimmy when I was eighteen, but we haven't really stayed in touch enough for that to matter."

"It sucks that Liz didn't give you Danes, huh? Then we could share a name with Luke, too. Why do you think Liz didn't change your name to Danes once your dad left? Wouldn't that have made more sense?"

"Yeah, that would have made more sense. Liz named me in the hospital, when she thought Jimmy was going to stick around and be my dad. But, I asked her once, when I was older, why she hadn't changed my name to Danes after he left, because he left right away. He took off right after Liz and I were discharged from the hospital."

"What did she say?"

"Just that it had seemed like too much hassle." Jess didn't know how the conversation had ended up here. He hadn't intended this conversation to involve running down Jeremy's grandmother. "And, granted, this was way back before the internet, so everything was more of a hassle back then, but c'mon." Jess went for sarcasm, trying to play Liz's excuse for a laugh, instead of the hurtful conversation it had been.

"It only took us like twenty minutes in city hall." Jeremy looked sad that Jess hadn't been worth the twenty minutes to his own mother, and Jess felt like an ass for letting this conversation go down this road. If he wanted Jeremy to have a decent relationship with Liz, and he did, he couldn't poison the well with careless anecdotes from his childhood. He would have to try really hard to come up with a positive story about Liz that he could share. Maybe he could ask Luke to tell Jeremy some from their childhood.

"So, who have you met in the diner?" Jess lightened his tone and purposely transitioned the conversation away from his childhood. "Who asked if we were related? And, was it our strikingly similar ruggedly handsome looks that tipped them off?"

Jeremy laughed. "I'm pretty sure it was the name. There was a couple in the other day, who asked me. Their names were Lane and Zach van Gerbig, but she said she was Lane Kim when she knew you. They had two kids. Twins. Lane said she went to high school with you and that she and Zach used to work for Luke, too, but not at the same time."

"Oh, yeah. I remember Lane. She's friends with Rory."

"She told me that, too. She seemed to already know who I was, so I figured Rory had told her that you're adopting me. She seemed nice."

Jess nodded. "I remember her being pretty nice. What's her husband like? I don't think I've ever met him."

"He seemed nice, too. A little…...goofy maybe, but nice. They said they've known Luke for ages and that he's the godfather of their kids. That's pretty cool, right? Everyone really likes Luke here, have you noticed that? Like, he's kind of a big deal. Lorelai, too. It seems like the whole town knows them."

"Yeah, well, it's a small town."

"I know, but it's just…...nice, I guess. I like that everybody seems so connected." Jeremy chewed a bite of broccoli.

Jess felt like telling him that living in a small town where everybody knew each other could have a downside, too, but he didn't want to be negative. He figured you reap what you sow and he knew Jeremy was likely to have a better experience here than he had had as a kid

"I met this other family and the guy knew you, Luke _and_ Rory. He just moved back to town, too, but he recognized your name. He said he went to high school with you, and he knew Luke because he used to date Rory." Jess's head shot up at that, but Jeremy had his eyes down on his plate, spearing a forkful of lasagna, so Jess's dignity was spared. "It's just crazy how interconnected everyone is here."

"Did this guy have a name?" Jess went for casual curiosity, feeling ridiculous that his high school nemesis could still illicit any kind of stress reaction from him.

"Yeah, it was Dean Forrester and his wife was Jenny. I didn't get to talk to them very much, though. They had three little kids with them and one started having a meltdown, like crying and screaming and everything, and Luke gave him a look, the guy not the kid, and the guy apologized and ran outside with the kid until he calmed down. It was kind of funny, though, cause I felt like his wife was starting to pick up the kid, but the guy practically grabbed him out of her hands and ran outside with him, like he was scared of Luke." Jeremy laughed at the memory. "That's weird, right? I mean, Luke's like the nicest guy ever."

Jess felt a little smug satisfaction at the idea that Dean was stuck with a herd of squalling brats while Jess had been blessed with one perfect child like Jeremy. The following thought of Dean walking into the bookstore while he was working hit Jess hard. In all the years he had had a life he was proud of, working in publishing in Philadelphia and dating a beautiful woman, he had never once run into Dean during a visit to Stars Hollow. And, now, when Jess was at his lowest, that fucker had to move back, too. Of course, he did.

Jess pretended to contemplate, knowing he couldn't tell Jeremy that Luke has pretty much wanted to kill Dean since the day he learned that he had cheated on his child bride with Rory. "It was probably just leftover fear from when we were kids. Luke was always kind of tough on guys who dated Rory." He realized he was getting dangerously close to his own lie of omission here. He wasn't even sure why he didn't want Jeremy to know that he had dated Rory. And, he had no idea if Rory or Lorelai would ever bring it up to the boy, but Jess just knew he didn't want questions. He thought about how Rory had more recently cheated again, on her last boyfriend, with the blond dick when he had been engaged to another woman. He knew his own origin story had been pretty messed up, but Leelee's was a complete shitshow. He wondered how Leelee would feel about either of her parents when she was old enough to figure it out.

"Huh. Oh, there was a woman today who asked if I was related to you, too. Her name was Mallory Howard. She remembered you from school, too, but she said she was a year below you, so you might not have known who she was."

Jess pulled his mind back to Jeremy and focused on the conversation. "Hmm…..I can't say I remember any Mallory's."

"She's going to be my guidance counselor at school. She says she thinks I'll like it there."

Jess smiled and tried to look positive. "She must know what she's talking about if they trust her to do all that guiding and counseling, right?"

A smile flickered across Jeremy's face then faded, his expression becoming serious, almost nervous. "Hey, Jess?"

"Hey, Jeremy." Jess receive a smile in response and it made him smile, too.

"Sarah and Autumn came into the diner the other day. You remember them, right?"

"Those girls you met the first day here, right? When I was getting hot chocolate."

"Right, that's them. Remember how they had invited me bowling, but I couldn't go because I was grounded and everything?"

Jess didn't like where this was headed, and he braced himself. "I remember."

"Well, Sarah invited me to her New Year's Eve party."

Jess frowned. "New Year's Eve was last night." He was confused. Jeremy had worked at the diner the night before and Jess had stayed in the apartment working on ideas to bring more foot traffic into the bookstore. He wanted to be able to hit the ground running and pitch some ideas to Andrew on Monday. Was Jeremy about to confess to sneaking out of the diner and going to Sarah's? Certainly Luke would have noticed the boy leaving…...unless he had let him off early and Jeremy had gone up one set of stairs and out the other without letting Jess know his shift was over.

"I know." Jeremy really looked at Jess, then, narrowing his eyes. "I didn't go. Were you thinking I was going to tell you I went? I was in the diner all night. You can ask Luke."

"I believe you. I didn't say anything."

"Sorry, I thought you were looking at me suspiciously."

Jess shrugged. "This is just my face. Go on with your story."

"Ok, so, like, I didn't want to just say no without a real reason or anything, so I told her that I was grounded for another three weeks."

"You did?" Jess felt the surprise register on his face.

"Yeah, I felt like if I blew her off a second time, she might not ask me again and she seems like a good person to know."

"Oh yeah? Why is that?"

"Well, she's nice, and she was the first person I met here, well, her and Autumn. She also seems like she knows everyone. I'm not saying we're going to be friends, she's probably way too popular for that, but I didn't want to alienate her."

"That makes sense." Jess felt like this story was heading toward a request, but he couldn't tell what and it was bugging him. He liked to think he was good at predicting plot twists.

"I was thinking today how Sarah kind of reminds me of Melissa."

"Really?" Ah, now Jess was back on track.

"Yeah, and then I got to thinking about how much I miss her."

"You did?"

"Uh-huh. And, I was thinking about how before I had met anyone here, there wasn't really anything that I was being grounded from, right? I mean, you were still pretty nice about letting me see Luke and everyone else. And, you've been really nice to me and spending lots of time with me and stuff."

"Ok."

"So, the biggest part of me being grounded was not getting to text Melissa, right? Since, I didn't know anyone else here to be grounded from."

"I guess so."

"But, like, now, I've turned down two invitations to do stuff with kids from school. First, bowling and then the party."

"Yes, I'm following you."

"So, I'm wondering if since now that my being grounded is kind of more real, and there are real life things I'm missing out on, if maybe you could loosen the rules on using my phone. Like maybe I could just use it for a little while to text Melissa."

Jess was annoyed. He was puzzled at how Jeremy could seem like such a smart, almost adult during some conversations and in others, like this one, seem like a dumb kid who thought he could talk his way out of his punishment with incredibly weak logic. But, mostly he was annoyed.

"No, Jeremy. Your punishment stills stands exactly as it is. No phone for three more weeks."

"You're not even listening to me." Jess could see that Jeremy was getting frustrated.

"Are you kidding me?" Jess's voice was calm. He wasn't going to let himself get mad, not over this. He aimed for humor, to make the boy see how unrealistic he was being. "I did listen to you. What the hell did you think all that nodding and 'ok-ing' and 'uh-huh-ing was all about? That was _me_ listening to _you_. I listened. You asked. I said no."

"I wasn't saying that I could just use my phone again all the time. I was just asking for an hour or so, just to connect with Melissa."

"I understand, and I'm still saying no." Jess was working hard to keep his voice level and not let his annoyance show.

"I really miss Melissa."

"I know you do. I gave you a choice here, Jeremy. You chose to spend your last week in Philadelphia with Melissa and go a month without your phone instead. Don't blame me if you're unhappy with your choice."

Jeremy looked down at his plate. "It was a fucking shitty choice." His voice was low and disgruntled, full of angry attitude, the words spoken mostly to his broccoli, and Jess was pissed that he had heard them. If Jeremy's voice had been just a little lower, Jess could have pretended he hadn't. He could have gone with the old 'what did you just say' parental standby and Jeremy could have replied with the typical teenager response, grunting out a barely distinguishable 'nothing,' and dinner could have gone on in relative peace.

"Jeremy, look at me." When that got no response, Jess made his force as forceful as he could without actually raising it. "Jeremy, look at me. Now."

Jeremy slowly lifted his eyes to make contact, his chin still angled down, his eyes nervous, his expression that of a guilty puppy. "Sorry." His voice wavered slightly on the word, but Jess was glad to see that his eyes were dry. He took that as a good sign, that Jeremy trusted him even when he knew he had done something wrong.

Jess sighed. "I'm not mad at you. But, the conversation about your phone is over. Do you understand me? I don't want to hear another word about your phone for the next three weeks."

Jeremy nodded contritely. "Can I ask one more thing? I get what you're saying, but I have one more question. Is that ok?"

"Ok. But, this is the last thing that's going to be said about your phone."

"Ok. Uh, when we were still in Philly and you were going to ground me there, before you gave me a choice, you said that I could take my phone to school in case there's an emergency. Can I do that here, too?"

Jess sighed, not wanting to go back on something he'd said, but seeing no purpose to the punishment at all if he let Jeremy take his phone to school here, where he would just be texting Melissa all day during class. "No, Jeremy. You can't. That rule was for your safety in a big city where I didn't live or work near the school and where the person you were most likely to text was already in school with you. If there's some kind of emergency at school here, you're right across the street from Luke. You're ten minutes away from where I'll be. You don't need to take it to school with you. Can you understand that?"

Jeremy nodded. "Fine." His expression told Jess he thought it was anything but. Jess thought about how quickly his own good mood had deteriorated as well, leaving him sitting across from a sulking child, with thoughts of running into Dean souring his outlook on Stars Hollow.

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"Hey, Jess." Jess looked up from the laptop in front of him to find Jeremy standing next to the table in his pajamas, looking unsure. The tension from dinner had carried over into the rest of the night, with Jeremy spending most of it in his room with the door closed.

Jess smiled. "Hey, Jeremy." The boy returned the smile with a small one of his own.

"I just wanted to say goodnight."

"Goodnight." Jess replied. He was trying to keep his expression warm and loving. The last thing he wanted to be was the kind of parent who held a grudge against his kid for acting like, well, a kid.

"And." Jeremy fidgeted a little, moving the palm of his hands on his pants as if searching for pockets in his pajamas. "I wanted to say that I'm sorry for how I was at dinner and everything. About my phone."

"Thank you. I appreciate that." Jess smiled. "No hard feelings."

Jeremy crossed his arms in front of his middle, as if he were trying to hug himself. "Thanks. I know I was being a jerk. And, I've been feeling bad about it all night."

"Good. You totally should." Jess smirked and Jeremy laughed and pulled out a chair, sitting down across from Jess.

"I am sorry…." Jeremy looked toward the kitchen, avoiding Jess's eye. "But, you know what I was thinking was kind of cool?"

"What?" Jess felt like they were having a good moment and he really hoped the kid wasn't going to bring up Melissa or his phone again and kill it. Jess hoped this apology wasn't just a way to butter him up before Jeremy asked for his phone again.

"Like, I was thinking about what I said to you, about the choice you gave me being shitty?"

"I believe it was 'fucking shitty' wasn't it?" Jess asked, his tone light, an amused smile on his face.

Jeremy blushed slightly and smiled. "Yeah. You're right. It was."

Jess raised an eyebrow. "And, that was kind of cool because…..?"

Jeremy laughed. "It wasn't. I don't mean that me saying it was cool. It was pretty disrespectful. I get that. And, like I said, I feel bad about it. LIke, right away, I felt bad for saying it…..."

When Jeremy didn't continue, Jess took another guess. "So…...you having a moral compass is the thing that's kind of cool?"

Jeremy smiled, but he looked a little hesitant now, too. "No, I like to think I've always had that." The boy looked down, avoiding Jess's gaze. "But, like, I did something crappy, I mean, I've never talked back to you like that before, in a normal conversation, not like when I flipped out when you were yelling at me at the motel for coming home late. And I felt bad. I felt like a jerk. But I wasn't….I wasn't scared you were going to get rid of me, or stop loving me or not want to be my dad anymore." Jeremy was studying the tabletop in front of him, idly running his fingers along a scratch in the wood. "That was the kind of cool part. It felt pretty normal, not like a huge deal." He looked up at Jess.

"Ah." Jess kept his expression serious. "Now, I feel bad that I packed up all your stuff and threw it out the window while you were in the shower."

Jeremy laughed. "I'm serious. I've known for a while that you wouldn't get rid of me if I did something wrong, but I feel like this time, I….I don't know, like really _felt_ it, too." The boy frowned. "Does that sound stupid?"

"Not at all." Jess smiled his warmest smile. "And, I'm really glad to hear you feel that way." He smirked. "It warms my heart to know that you're so comfortable with me that from now on, I can expect nothing but bad attitude and complete disobedience from you. That's every parents dream."

Jeremy huffed out a quiet laugh. "You don't have to worry about that."

"Just for the record, this wasn't the first time you've ever talked back to like that."

Jeremy frowned in thought. "I said aside from that night in the motel."

Jess shook his head slowly. "I'm not talking about that night in the motel."

Jeremy furrowed his brow.

Jess smiled. "Maybe this will jog your memory." He lowered his voice and made it exaggeratedly aggressive and belligerent. "Yeah, whatever, Mr. Mariano. Go fuck yourself Mr. Mariano."

Jeremy's cheeks colored bright pink. Then, he laughed. "I remember the first part, but I definitely didn't say the second part!"

"Oh, I heard it, all right!" Jess smiled. "The second part was most definitely implied."

Jeremy smiled. "Well, I'm sorry for that, too, then."

"Yeah, I got that from all the tears that night."

"Oh, god." Jeremy put a hand to his forehead, laughing. "That was so embarrassing! I still can't believe I did that. You must have thought I was such a loser!"

"I didn't. I just thought you were a kid who was going through a pretty rough time."

"You know." Jeremy lowered the hand he was hiding behind and looked at Jess. "I was so sure that things weren't going to work out with us. As soon as I saw you. I thought for sure I was going to end up back in the group home in a month or two."

"Really? I made that lousy of a first impression?" Jess played up his incredulity.

Jeremy smiled. "No, it wasn't you. Or, maybe partly, I guess. You were just younger than I was expecting and kind of cool-looking. Like, I could tell you put a lot of time and thought into how you looked. You were single. I kind of thought you were one of those people who fosters so they can feel like they're some great person and tell everyone they're doing it. They make it all about them. And they don't end up adopting." Jeremy shrugged. "I'm glad I was wrong about you."

Jess thought about how dead on Jeremy's analysis had been, but he wasn't sure how much he should share about his mindset when he took Jeremy in. He wasn't proud of it. "You're not as far off as you think." He started hesitantly. "My decision to foster definitely included an element of me wanting to prove what a great guy I was. I was coming off a break-up. My ex, Charisse, had been pushing for us to foster a kid together, and I was really resistant to the idea. I basically just dragged my heels and made things harder for her every step of the way." Jess shot a glance at Jeremy and saw that the kid was watching him intently. "She finally left me because I wasn't really committed to fostering. She told me I was selfish, and she was right. She went back to Baltimore, where she was from, so I kept the apartment. We had already gone through all the work, the classes, the home inspection, the application. We were already working with Ms. Garcia. And, after Charisse left, I was feeling pretty down on myself, knowing that she was right about a lot of stuff she'd said to me, and that I'd probably just lost the best thing I'd ever had." Jess paused, considering whether he should mention how Luke had provided the tipping point. Jess could clearly remember visiting Stars Hollow after Charisse left. His heart fracturing into even smaller pieces as Luke comforted him by telling him that someday he'd find someone to love who wouldn't ask him for more than he was capable of giving. He decided not to paint Luke in an unflattering light, even though the comment had hurt him as much as anything else had. Maybe he would add that to the story if he ever retold it when Jeremy was older, not while the boy's own relationship with Luke was still forming. "So, I called Ms. Garcia, to tell her what happened, and that I was ready to stop the whole process, right? But, Ms. Garcia tells me how easy it would be to finish the process and get certified on my own. That all I really needed to do was re-submit the paperwork with just me listed as a candidate to be a resource parent. And, I don't know, I'm still not entirely clear on what was running through my mind, but I wanted to prove to myself that I could be better than Charisse thought I was. Than I thought I was."

Jess looked at Jeremy, wondering what the boy had expected to hear, and how the truth had measured up in comparison. "So, that's why I decided to foster. It was probably a pretty messed up way to make such a big decision, because you're right, it was all about me and how I wanted to see myself. But, why I kept you….that was some of the best decision-making of my life, right there."

"What do you mean?"

"Just that I have, well, in the past, I had a habit of running away from people when things got difficult emotionally. I had pushed Charisse away…" Jess paused for a moment because that thought still hurt. Thinking about his own stupidity with Charisse, the wasted opportunity that he may never have again, still caused him real pain. "I had been lucky enough to have this intelligent, amazing, beautiful woman in my life, and I had been too stupid to hold onto her. But, I wasn't dumb enough to make the same mistake again. So, when the universe trusted me with this intelligent, amazing, beautiful boy, I was smart enough to keep him."


	28. Chapter 28 - Making Progress

**Chapter 28 Notes** : I just wanted to clear up some confusion regarding Jeremy's adoption since a few readers took the line about Jeremy changing his name to Mariano at city hall to mean that the adoption had happened. This was just the name change that Jeremy had requested in a previous chapter when he had wanted to get his name changed prior to starting school so as not to get lots of questions when it changed later, mid-semester at the time of his actual adoption. The boys still need to go to court for the adoption, which will be coming up soon. Thanks for all your generosity in leaving me reviews for the last chapter. I really appreciate every single one. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jeremy was finishing up sweeping the diner floor and thinking about what he still had left to do that night. He had a physics quiz the next day and while he felt mostly prepared for it, he wanted to go upstairs and review his notes one more time before he went to bed. He also needed to put together a one-page write up on the symbolism in _Heart of Darkness_. He had already finished the book and had ideas of what he wanted to write about, but he was worried about not having the time to give it the attention it was due and make his essay as good as it could be. He had been at Stars Hollow high for two weeks now, and the workload and expectations were pretty standard. He had definitely been to schools with more rigorous curriculums before, but he had also been to schools with their own slant on the no child left behind act, who had passed anyone who bothered to show up on an even semi-regular basis. Stars Hollow was somewhere in between. Jeremy knew that he could pass the rest of the school year without putting much effort into studying, but he liked the satisfaction he got from doing the best he could at school.

He had always been that way, having taken it to heart every time Ms. Garcia or a counselor or foster parent impressed upon him that his education was going to be his ticket to a better life, college, a decent job, living above the poverty line once he aged out of the system. He had always been diligent and well behaved at school. There had been times, during certain placements, where his elementary school teachers had been the biggest source of positive attention in his life. He wanted to keep up his performance and finish the year strong, but he was feeling a little stressed and over-extended, especially when he got assignments like the write-up for English class that was due the next day on a night when he had a closing shift at the diner. As much as he worried about school, he also didn't want to turn down any work shifts. He briefly wondered if he would be able to play baseball in the spring, and if that was even an appropriate thing to ask for when he should be using his free time to earn money for school. He knew college was very expensive and more than anything else, he didn't want to be a burden on Jess.

Jess was working full-time at the bookstore, and while he seemed to like the job and enjoy working for Andrew, Jeremy knew he was still stressed about money, even if he didn't say it outright. Jess had bought himself a few things, a new pair of jeans, a pair of fleece sweatpants, more underwear and socks, and a couple of shirts and sweaters with the gift card that Luke and Lorelai had given him for Christmas, and when Jeremy asked why he didn't get more clothes, since what he got would barely cover him for a week, Jess had looked uncomfortable for a moment, before telling Jeremy that he had everything he needed and he would put the rest of the gift card aside for an emergency. Jeremy had no idea what an assistant manager at a bookstore made for a salary, but he knew that Jess still felt that they were on shaky ground financially. Jeremy didn't feel like he was going without anything. He didn't mind that they cooked dinner in the apartment based on whatever had been on sale at the grocery store that week, or that they had to wear warm sweaters at home because they kept the heat low to not run up the bill. The utilities in the building were all connected, but Jeremy had walked in on a conversation between Jess and Luke and heard Jess insisting on paying the difference in the bill due to their living in the apartment, claiming he wasn't completely destitute. Jeremy would never care about how little he had as long as he had Jess. But, the day Jess had told him that he had applied to drive for Uber when he wasn't working at the bookstore, the morning after Jeremy had walked by Jess's open laptop when the man had been in the bathroom and seen it open to the tuition and fees page of the Penn State website with some notes jotted on a nearby legal pad, had left Jeremy with a sick feeling in the pit of his stomach. Jess had helped take away the worst kinds of stress that Jeremy had had in his life, just by being there for him and loving him. He didn't want to repay Jess by adding exponentially to his stress levels. So, Jeremy would deal with his own stress and do everything he could to mitigate Jess's. He would work as many shifts as Luke would let him and still get his school work done even if it meant staying up late and doing nothing but working and studying.

Luke flipped off the light in the kitchen and walked into the dining room. "All right. The grill's all set. How are things going out here?"

Jeremy looked up at Luke. "I'm almost done. I just need to finish sweeping and take out the trash." Jeremy tilted his head toward the two large trash bags sitting by the door, ready to go out.

"Just leave the trash. I'll take it out when I leave."

"Oh, no, I can do it. I wasn't trying to get out of doing it."

Luke smiled. "I know you weren't, but it's cold out there, and I have to go out anyway. No sense in both of us going outside when only one of us needs to."

Jeremy smiled, thinking about how good it felt to be cared for, even when it was something small like this. To have someone show genuine concern for him and put his comfort and well being before their own. "Ok. Thank you. I really appreciate that." He had learned not to argue with Luke on things that Luke thought were best for him. He never won.

"It's no problem." Jeremy watched Luke walk out from behind the counter and lean tiredly against a stool without actually sitting on it. He thought about how hard Luke worked, at the diner almost every day, a lifetime of working on his feet. And, Luke wasn't exactly old, but he wasn't young either. It hit Jeremy that for the first time in his life, he was happy with his life and his family, and that the thing he feared most was losing someone he loved. It felt odd to find himself in that position, when for most of his life, the worries that had preoccupied him centered around how alone he felt, unconnected to everyone around him.

"So, uh, Jeremy."

Jeremy looked over at Luke as he swept.

"There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about. Do you have a few minutes, or do you need to get upstairs?"

Thoughts of physics quizzes and English write-up's drifted into the background of Jeremy's mind. He would never say no to talking to Luke or spending time with him. The idea wouldn't even occur to him. "I'm not in a rush." The thought struck Jeremy that Luke might want to discuss his job performance and that maybe he wasn't doing as well as he thought he was. "Is everything ok? Am I doing something wrong?"

"What? No! No, you're doing a great job, Jeremy! You've learned everything really quickly and you've got a great attitude. Much better than your father's when he worked for me at your age. I'll tell you that much." Luke smiled fondly at the memory and something in Jeremy's heart twinged at the idea that Luke might someday look back at his time working here with the same fondness. "You're doing fine."

"Ok. Good. But, you'll let me know if I'm not doing something the way you want me to, right? So, I can fix it?"

Jeremy watched Luke smile indulgently, as if the idea of Jeremy doing something wrong in and of itself was foolish, but he was glad when the man humored him anyway. "Yes, I promise, Jeremy. I'll let you know if there's anything I want you to do differently, but right now, I honestly have no complaints."

"Ok." Jeremy felt a rush of relief. "So, what did you want to talk about?"

"Uh." Luke seemed a little hesitant now, almost nervous. "I was just thinking, with the adoption coming up and everything, and you living in Stars Hollow and us getting closer and spending more time together and everything…..And, I mean, this is just something I've been thinking about. It's just an idea. I don't want you to feel pressured if you don't want to do it. I'll still be your uncle and love you either way. I want you to know that."

Jeremy didn't know where this conversation was headed, but he felt his heart swell at Luke's admission. He loved Luke, too, probably had since the very early days of knowing him. He could still remember following Jess into the diner and meeting Luke for the first time, absorbing the warmth and kindness radiating off the man, and being hit with the deep down feeling that this was the person whose family he was meant to end up in.

"I was just thinking that if you wanted to, of course, I would be open to you calling me Uncle Luke instead of just Luke. I'd really like it a lot actually. But, only if you want to, and if you're comfortable with it. You don't have to. I get that it's a big deal, and I don't want to pressure you. Not at all. No, sir. I was just throwing it out there. Just something I'd been thinking about-"

"Ok." Jeremy didn't normally interrupt other people, especially those older than him, but he felt like the kind thing to do here was help put an end to Luke's ramble.

"Ok?" Luke asked.

Jeremy nodded, broom in one hand, but no longer sweeping. "I would really like to call you Uncle Luke."

"Really? You're ok with it, right?" Luke still looked nervous. "I mean, you don't feel pressured or anything, do you?"

Jeremy laughed. "I don't feel pressured. I'm agreeing of my own free will, completely uncoerced. I love the idea of calling you Uncle Luke, Uncle Luke." Jeremy laughed.

"I like the sound of that, nephew." Jeremy soaked up the warm smile that Luke aimed at him, glad to have made the man happy.

Jeremy's expression became serious. "I've actually been thinking about this, too, ever since Liz and TJ asked me to call them Grandma and Grandpa. But, it's a tough thing to ask…... and I guess I wasn't sure how to bring it up to you, or if you would want me to, or I don't know…...I just felt awkward, I guess."

"You can always bring up anything to me, Jeremy. I want you to know that. I'll always do my best to help you with anything you want to talk about."

"Can I tell you one more thing, then?" Jeremy could feel his face heating up a little bit and hated that emotional stuff made him so embarrassed.

"Of course, you can tell me anything."

"I just…...I guess I want you to know that I love you, too. And, that I liked you right away. I mean, I love Jess now, so much, and I'm so grateful for everything he does for me and for giving me a forever family…...but we needed to grow on each other, I guess, me and him. It was different with you. I kind of knew right away, the first time I came to Stars Hollow and met you, that I wanted you to be my family. And, I don't know…..." Jeremy shrugged, feeling a little foolish. "I just wanted you to know that. Does that sound stupid?"

Jeremy watched Luke smile at him warmly and Jeremy could feel himself getting choked up, not to the point that he felt like he would cry, but in a good way, his heart felt warm and full and overflowing with emotion. "That doesn't sound stupid at all. I got a good feeling from you right off the bat, too. That first weekend Jess brought you out here, I remember you helping me make dinner in the kitchen, just the two of us in there talking. And, I knew it then. I remember thinking, this is the kid. He's special. I could love this kid. This is the kid that we need in our family and that Jess needs in his life. This kid right here."

Jeremy didn't know what to say to that, but he loved the idea that Luke thought he was special and had wanted him in his family, too.

"And, I'm very rarely wrong about that kind of thing. I knew that Lorelai was someone I could love the first time I laid eyes on her. I was right about that, too."

Jeremy knew his emotions were showing on his face. He didn't know what to say, so he went with what he was feeling. "I love that I get to be part of this family. You have no idea how much it means to me. Every single day."

Luke nodded at the boy, a small smile on his face. "I spent a lot of years alone. After my parents died and Liz left. Before Lorelai and Rory came along. Before I got Jess. Before I even knew April existed. I think I may have some idea."

Jeremy smiled back, knowing that this right here, getting to be part of Jess's family and have people that he mattered to, made any other stress he had to deal with feel worth it.

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"Thank you, again. Really, thank you."

Jess ended the call on his cell phone and took a deep breath. He could feel his cheeks aching from the force of his smile. Small flakes of snow were floating down around him, but Jess couldn't feel the cold even though he was only wearing a light sweater, having left his jacket in the bookstore in his haste to take the call when he had seen the number of the attorney's office flash on his phone. He had been waiting for this call for weeks. The attorney's secretary had been apologetic about the delay, claiming a miscommunication with the judge's law clerk, something falling through the cracks in scheduling. He didn't care. He had started smiling even then, because an actual call had to mean something was going to happen now. Then she had given him the date for the adoption, still apologizing for the last minute notice. In less than a week, they would stand in front of a judge and Jeremy would officially become his child. Today was a good day. Jess stood a moment, looking up at the snow and watching his breath fade in the air in front of him. Today was an amazing day.

Jess jogged back inside and found Andrew staring at him with small smile on his face. "Just so you know, I don't typically make my staff take their personal calls outside in 20 degree whether. As long as you keep your voice down, you can use your phone indoors. This isn't the diner. I don't have the strict no cell phone policy that you might be used to."

Jess laughed. "Thanks, Andrew. Good to know." Jess needed to tell someone. He wished that Jeremy's grounding was over so that he could text the boy at school and tell him the news. "That was the attorney's office. We have an adoption date for next week. It's Wednesday. In the morning. Is it ok if I come in late that day?"

Andrew smiled at Jess. "You can take the whole day if you want, Jess. So, that you can do something special with Jeremy to commemorate it."

"Really?" Jess felt hesitant to take Andrew up on it. He thought back to how freely he used to play around with his schedule at Truncheon, when he had appointments or errands or had to wait for a plumber at his apartment, confident that he had already paid his dues. He wondered if he'd be here long enough to ever feel that comfortable.

Andrew smiled. "Yes, really. This is a big deal for your family. It's no problem."

"Ok. If you're sure you don't mind."

"I'm sure. If you start taking a day off to adopt a new kid every week and it becomes a problem, I'll be sure to let you know."

Jess laughed. "Thank you, Andrew, really." Andrew had turned out to be a more relaxed and personable boss than Jess had expected, and he appreciated it. Jess had learned from Luke that Andrew's son, his only child, had been killed by a drunk driver last summer near his apartment in Boston. Jess kept that in mind, constantly marvelling at Andrew's ability to go on, and the man's capacity to carry himself as a kind and generous person in the face of his personal tragedy. The idea that Andrew had been living through his worst nightmare at the same time that Jess's life had started falling apart when Charisse left had been a sobering reminder to keep things in perspective. Even at his worst, running low on money and self-worth and screaming at Jeremy in a shitty motel in the middle of the night, Jess had had family to fall back on. He hadn't lost anything that he couldn't get over with time.

"Excuse me, Jess. I would like to purchase this book if you're done taking personal calls and working out your vacation schedule."

Jess turned to see Kirk standing behind him, expression blank, holding a book in one hand. The term blank-faced town simpleton rose, unbidden, in Jess's mind as though Matthew's reminder of the old nickname had cursed him to hear it every time he laid eyes on Kirk. Jess smiled, but held in his laughter.

"You do work here, don't you?" Kirk asked.

"Yes, Kirk, I work here." Jess started to walk behind the counter to take care of the sale.

"Do you do actual work at this establishment? Or is it like when you worked at the diner, and you mostly just stood around snarling at everyone, letting people's eggs touch their pancakes, and generally making things worse?"

Jess heard Andrew chuckling as he walked away from the counter toward his office at the back of the store.

"I really work here, Kirk." Jess kept a smile on his face, even Kirk wasn't going to ruin his good mood today. "Give me the book and I'll ring it up for you."

Kirk handed it over and avoided Jess's eye, taking his time looking down at his wallet as he idly dug through it for money. Jess read the title, _What to Expect When You're Expecting_. He paused, looked back up at Kirk.

Kirk finally looked up and met his eye. "It's for Lulu. Petal's going to have a little brother or sister."

Jess broke into a grin, laughing. "Holy shit, Kirk! Congratulations! That's amazing."

"Thank you." Kirk smiled shyly, but Jess could see the anxiety there. The man giggled once, high pitched and nervous. "I'm going to be a dad. Isn't that crazy?"

"Hey, crazier things happen every day." Jess tried to picture Kirk as a parent and failed. But, he knew that didn't mean anything. He couldn't have pictured himself as a dad even a year ago and now it was the part of his life that made him the happiest. Kirk definitely marched to his own drummer, but he was kind. And, he had Lulu and lots of people in town who would help him. Jess had no doubt that Kirk's kid would be weird but loved, and in the end that was really all that mattered. "I think you're going to be a great dad, Kirk."

"Really?" Kirk sounded unsure, a little scared, and in need of reassurance.

Jess smiled the warm, encouraging smile he usually reserved for Jeremy. "Yeah, I do. I think you have everything you need."

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Jess walked into the apartment, trying to hold in a grin. Jeremy was sitting at the table, his laptop in front of him and a textbook laying open next to it. Jess crouched to pet Winston, who rose from his bed by Jeremy's feet to greet Jess, his tail wagging excitedly. "Hey, Winston! How's my pup? How's my good little boy?" Jess pet the dog's head and scratched behind his ears before standing back up and moving toward the table.

Jeremy looked up briefly with a smile before looking back at his computer. "Hi, Dad." Jess knew the boy's focus on his screen likely had more to do with self-consciousness over calling Jess 'dad' than it did with his level of concentration. They were still in what Jess had come to think of as the pilot program of the whole dad thing. Jeremy used it more frequently now, some times more comfortably than others, sometimes spontaneously and sometimes because he had made the decision to. Jess could tell this one had been pre-planned and had left Jeremy feeling insecure. Jess felt a happy warmth every time the boy called him dad, but he had learned to minimize his reaction during moments like these, knowing it would never become a normal part of their everyday life if he called attention to it whenever he heard it.

"Hi, Jeremy." Jess ruffled the hair on top of Jeremy's head like he had just done to Winston, before bending to drop a kiss on the boy's head. "How's my other good little boy?" He started scratching quickly and gently on the side of Jeremy's head, until the boy laughed and batted his hand away.

"Stop, that's so annoying!" Jeremy's smile belied his words.

"Really?" Jess feigned surprise. "Winston likes it."

"Winston doesn't care if you mess up his hair. He doesn't spend as much time on his as I do on mine." Jess watched Jeremy run a hand through his shaggy dirty-blond hair to restore it to how it looked before Jess had touched it.

"Awww." Jess pretended to be choked up with emotion, putting one hand to his chest. "You really are my son!" Jess knows he's grinning all out of proportion to his own joke, but he can't control himself.

Jeremy's smile grew in response to Jess's. "What are you so happy about anyway? Did something happen at work?"

"Can't a guy just be happy to see his kids?"

Jeremy smiled. "I like that you call Winston your kid, too."

"Hey." Jess shrugged. "If I'm not the little guy's parent, then who is?"

"You seem particularly happy to see us today, and more…...playful than usual." Jeremy's voice was colored with playfulness of its own, mixed with suspicion that led Jess to believe the boy might be on to the reason for his good mood.

"What, like I usually come home mean and grumpy and beat you?" Jess pulled out the chair next to Jeremy and sat down.

Jeremy laughed. "No, but you seem extra happy right now and I was just curious as to why." Jeremy shrugged. "I'm just interested in your life, that's all."

"Aw, what a sweet and thoughtful kid I have." Jess listened to Jeremy laugh again, and he smiled. When he spoke again he aimed for nonchalance. "It's nothing really...I was just going over my schedule with Andrew at work today."

"Yeah?" Jeremy looked curious, but Jess was enjoying himself and wanted to drag it out.

"And, I was thinking that I would take next Wednesday off. Maybe pick up another shift to make up for it."

"Uh, ok." Jeremy's expression turned slightly confused.

"And, I wanted to see what you were up to on Wednesday."

"Um, nothing special. Just school and the diner, like usual."

"Huh. You already have plans." Jess feigned disappointment. "Bummer for me."

"Why are you asking?" Jeremy was smiling again now, expectantly, and Jess could tell he knew what was coming.

"Well, if you don't mind missing school on Wednesday, I was thinking maybe I would adopt you."

Jeremy grinned. "Are you serious? We have a date for the adoption?"

"That we do, my friend. The lawyer's office called today. But, if you're too busy with school and hanging out with Luke at the diner….."

Jeremy shot out of his chair and hugged a still seated Jess so fiercely that he almost knocked him out of his chair. Jess gripped the table for balance with one hand and wrapped his other arm around his son, speaking into the boy's hair. "Is that a 'yes, Dad, I'll play hooky with you on Wednesday'?" Jess felt the boy nod his head against his shoulder before pulling back and sitting back down in his own chair, a huge smile of his face.

"Yes. Yes, I'll definitely play hooky with you on Wednesday." Jeremy was still grinning, but Jess could see that his eyes were a little wet.

"Good. I would have felt pretty silly showing up at the courthouse by myself. It's in the morning, but I figure we could take the whole day off and grab lunch afterwards and maybe come up with something fun to do in the afternoon. I can have you back for your shift at the diner it you don't want to miss that, but I'm sure Luke would understand if you did."

"Either way. I don't mind missing my shift if you wanted to do something." Jeremy paused. "Hey, do you think it would be ok if we invite Luke, too?"

"To your adoption?" Jess felt a little deflated.

"Yeah. Is that ok? I knew other kids who did that, had their whole new families at their adoption. Is that weird? Do you think he'd even want to go? He never misses work. He might not want to for this….."

Jess thought back to Ms. Garcia telling him that some adoptive parents made it a big thing and invited extended family to the courthouse. Ever since he'd brought up the idea of adopting Jeremy he had been picturing the day being just the two of them, making a private memory of the origin of their family that they alone would share, as close to that of a new parent holding their baby in the hospital as they could get. But, it hit him that Jeremy had been picturing this day for years before Jess had even met him. Jeremy had his own idea of how he wanted his adoption to go and Jess wanted the day to meet the boy's expectations in every way possible.

"I think Luke would definitely be willing to miss work for this. I think he would love to be there for your adoption."

Jeremy smiled and Jess knew he had given the right response.

"If we invite Luke, do you want to invite your grandparents and the Gilmores, too? Maybe even April if she wants to come down, although I don't know if she'd be able to make it back down here so soon again after Christmas."

"Sure, if you think we should." Jeremy didn't look convinced.

"I don't think there's any 'should' here. This is your adoption and I want it to be exactly what you want."

"Then, I guess, I've kind of been picturing it not being such a big thing, like more, I don't know, intimate, I guess. Just you, me and Luke. If that's ok. And, then maybe we could go for lunch after, just the three of us."

"That sounds like a plan." Jess smiled warmly at Jeremy.

Jeremy looked away for a moment, toward his textbook, then back up at Jess. "It's not rude, right? To not ask everybody else?"

"It's fine, really, Jeremy."

"I just have a closer relationship with Luke."

"I know you do. Honestly, it's ok." Jess knew Liz would likely get her feelings hurt and that he might hear it from TJ that Luke was invited and Liz wasn't, but this was about Jeremy, not them. They would just have to deal.

Jeremy's lowered his gaze to the table again. "Did you know that he loves me? He told me last night when we were closing up."

Jess smiled, grateful that he had been able to give his son someone like his uncle, and his uncle someone like his son. "I did know that. He didn't say anything to me, but it's been pretty obvious for a while now."

"I told him that I felt the same way about him." Jeremy looked back up at Jess. "Was that obvious, too?"

Jess nodded. "It was to me. But, I am a pretty astute observer of human nature."

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Even as Jess sat at the table waiting for his son's phone to charge, he debated with himself as to whether he should really do this. On one hand, it felt like a violation of Jeremy's privacy, but on the other, he knew that you didn't get many chances in life to learn how other people really felt about you, and he wanted to know whether his son respected him enough to not go behind his back and use his phone while he had been grounded. Jess had thought about checking Jeremy's phone several times over the course of the boy's punishment, but he always managed to talk himself out of it over worry about what exactly he would do with the information if he found out something he didn't want to know.

Jeremy was officially un-grounded in three days, and Jess already knew he was going to miss it. It wasn't that he wanted to see Jeremy suffer, and it honestly hadn't seemed like the kid had been that miserable other than a few complaints over not getting to text Melissa, but Jess had loved the last month of getting so much time with his son, with the boy confined to the apartment aside from school, work and family stuff. He knew it was a selfish thought, but he had liked having Jeremy available whenever he had wanted to do something. He thought about all the time they had spent playing scrabble, or cooking dinner together, or watching television, or just talking about their days over dinner. And, how willing Jeremy had been to go to the mall or run errands with Jess, since it had been his one route to the outside world. He wondered how much that would change when Jeremy was free to socialize with the kids he was meeting at school. Jess knew his own social life would likely stay the same, with Jeremy and Luke at the center of it, for as long as remained in Stars Hollow. He couldn't see himself making friends or dating here. But, he knew people were being welcoming to Jeremy. There were already a few names of classmates that Jess recognized from their frequency in Jeremy's stories. Jess thought back to how much time Jeremy had spent at Melissa's house, back in Philly, and as much as Jess wanted his kid to be well-adjusted and make friends in Stars Hollow, he wasn't ready to give him up like that again, especially with the idea of Jeremy going off to college in the not-so-distant future. Thinking about Jeremy leaving for college always made Jess feel like someone was reaching a freezing cold hand into his chest and squeezing his heart. Jess felt like they had eighteen years of bonding to make up for and this past month had felt like a good start. He was going to miss it.

Jess picked up the phone in front of him, still plugged in to the wall outlet and turned it on, 38% charged. That was good enough for his purposes. He opened the text message app and scrolled through the conversations. There were only four names that appeared, Luke's, Melissa's, April's and his own. Jess briefly thought about what a good kid April was and how much more she had done to welcome Jeremy into their family than he had done for her when he had been the age she was now. Jess was nervous, knowing that he might find something that he wouldn't like. He clicked to open Jeremy's most recent conversation with Melissa, promising himself he would only look at the date of their latest exchange, not read the content of the messages. The date of the last text conversation between Jeremy and Melissa was…..December 21. The day they had left Philly. Jeremy must have been texting Melissa at school that day. Jess felt his face break into a wide grin as he stared down at the absence of proof that his son had been lying or sneaking around behind his back. The New York thing had been a one-time fluke, a teenage boy trying to impress the girl he liked. Jeremy really was the good kid Jess thought he was. He knew it.

It hit Jess a second later that not finding incriminating texts wasn't exactly conclusive proof of Jeremy's innocence since the boy could have deleted any messages sent during the past month, but it was enough for Jess. It was better than finding actual evidence to the contrary. Jess hadn't been looking for a reason to confront the kid. He had been looking for facts that supported the benefit of the doubt that he had already been giving Jeremy. He was a good kid. He wouldn't lie and sneak around while he was grounded for the very same activities. Jess might have done that when he was Jeremy's age, if Luke had tried to discipline him in any way, but Jeremy wasn't like that. Jess was sure of it. Jess was startled from his thoughts by Winston's nails tapping sharply on the hardwood floor as the dog hurried toward the door, tail wagging fast as though it were trying to propel his little body into flight, a soft whine coming from deep in his throat. This meant only one thing. Shit! Jess turned to rush toward Luke's old desk across the room to return the phone to its hiding spot. He felt a split second of resistance from the forgotten power cord before the phone was tugged out of his loose grip and landed on the floor with a loud rattle before it skidded to a stop under the table just as the door opened. Jess felt his heart beating quickly as he lunged toward the fallen phone. He looked up from his crouched position by the table, phone in hand, to find Jeremy standing over him, his expression hurt and confused, Winston still tapping around Jeremy in excitement to get his attention.

"What are you doing with my phone?"


	29. Chapter 29 - A Matter of Trust

**Chapter 29 Notes:** There's some fighting here, but it will all work out in the end. Thanks for all the thoughtful reviews for the last chapter. I love getting comments and feedback on what you guys are thinking about the story, and I appreciate your generosity every time you guys leave me a review. I received a comment that I used 'Jess' three or four times when I meant to use 'Jeremy' (thank you TheDisneyOutsider!). I was able to find three and fix them, but if anyone sees a fourth that I'm missing, please point it out. This is the second time I've done this now. I liked the idea of Jess's son having a J name, too, but I'm thinking it might have been easier to keep straight if I'd named him Squeegee Beckenheim. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jeremy felt the same instinctive burning shame he always felt in the face of an accusation, even a silent one like this, regardless of his guilt or innocence. Over the years, he had learned that whether he had actually done what he was being accused of rarely mattered. It was always easy to blame the foster kid, especially one who was as insecure as he was and who tended toward shame and fear even on a good day. His mind flashed back to so many instances over the years. He saw himself getting blamed for a fire in the yard of a foster home he'd lived in when he was nine. The family's own son had been playing with matches, while Jeremy had watched nervously, knowing it was a bad idea, but wanting his new 'brother' to like him. He had been sent away a few days later. He saw the group home he had been at when he was fifteen, the bad one, and could still remember how the staff had been so suspicious of everything he or the other boys did, always assuming they were looking for a way to game the system or get more than their fair share when all he had ever wanted to do there was be invisible and exist below the staff's radar. He saw the incident when he had stolen from a foster mother's wallet, in a desperate bid to impress the other kids that didn't like him very much. He could still hear her calling him a sneaky, ungrateful brat, could still feel the impact of the palm of her hand against his cheek when she'd slapped him. But, he had been guilty then. He knew he deserved it.

He also knew there was nothing incriminating on his phone now. He had obeyed the rules the whole time he was grounded, out of both respect for Jess and fear of messing things up more than he already had with his trip to New York. Really, he had obeyed the rules the whole time he had been with Jess, aside from the peanut allergy lie and the New York incident. But, he reasoned now that maybe those breaches had been enough. He had lied and broken Jess's trust and maybe that wasn't completely fixable. He felt angry at himself for how safe he had let himself feel with Jess, how comfortable he had become, letting his walls down, trusting that Jess would be fair with him and forgive him his transgressions with a clean slate. He never should have let himself feel secure enough in their relationship to think he could run off to New York with Melissa without damaging what he and Jess had. He felt stupid and ashamed.

But, he also felt another emotion, anger directed outward, at Jess for not trusting him. For the unfairness of it all. That he had lived his whole life without ever having been genuinely trusted. That even though Jeremy had banked considerably more goodwill than bad in the time they had been living together, Jess was still treating him as if all of his good behavior and obedience meant nothing in the face of one night of poor judgement. It didn't seem right. For once, Jeremy felt like he deserved better. He had expected better from Jess. And, that made the accusation hurt all the more.

"Uh, hey Jeremy." Jeremy watched Jess get to his feet, still holding Jeremy's phone.

"I haven't used my phone since the day you took it away from me. That's what you're trying to find out, right? I wouldn't go behind your back like that."

"I know. I appreciate that." Jess looked uncomfortable, too, and maybe a little guilty over his own actions, and that brought Jeremy a certain satisfaction. Maybe Jess really did believe him.

"If you knew I wouldn't use it behind your back, what are you doing with it?" The force of Jeremy's own resentment surprised him, as he realized he didn't want to make this easy on Jess.

Jess looked down at the phone clutched in his hand, as if surprised to see it still there. "Uh, ok, I'm not going to lie to you, Jeremy. I was checking to make sure you hadn't been using it. But, it's not like I don't trust you-"

"Really? Cause it sounds exactly like you don't trust me." Jeremy heard the attitude in his own voice and felt his self-control slipping away from him.

Jess sighed. "I just wanted to check. Trust, but verify, right?" Jess smiled hesitantly, and it pissed Jeremy off even more. "I just….I don't know, I guess I wanted to make sure."

"How often have you been looking through my phone?"

"It's not like that." Jess spoke slowly and carefully. "This is the first time I've even taken it out of the drawer. I do trust you, Jeremy."

Jeremy barked out a short, humorless laugh. "Sure, _Jess_." Jeremy put a nasty emphasis on Jess's name, wanting him to really feel the absence of 'dad.' "I feel really trusted right now, _Jess_."

"I do." Jess insisted. "It's just. I just wanted to ma-"

"Make sure." Jeremy cut him off sharply. "Yeah, I heard you the first time. You didn't find any texts from me, did you?"

"No, I didn't. And, I didn't really expect-"

"How do you know I didn't just delete my texts?" Jeremy watched Jess sigh at being cut off again. He knew he was being rude, but he was ok with that right now. He wanted to hurt Jess's feelings as much as Jess had hurt his.

"I don't. But, I believe you-"

"How do you know I haven't been texting Melissa every fucking day since you grounded me and just deleting the texts? Huh, _Jess_? What, you think I'm too stupid to delete my texts? You know, the ones I'm sending behind your back and all?"

"Watch yourself, Jeremy." Jess's voice remained level, even though Jeremy could tell Jess was getting angry, too. "I get that you're upset right now, but you need to watch your attitude."

Jeremy knew he should heed the warning, but he rankled at Jess's reproving tone. "Really? You get to snoop through my shit and basically accuse me of lying and sneaking around behind your back, but I have to 'watch myself' because I said 'fucking.' That's bullshit, Jess! You swear all the time!"

"Yeah, I swear, but I don't swear _at_ you-"

"Neither did I! I said 'fuck,' but I didn't say it _at_ you! It's not like I said, 'go fuck yourself, _Jess_ ,' cause I could see how that would be grounds for me to watch myself. I agree that 'Go fuck yourself, _Jess_ ' would be extremely out of line."

Jeremy watched Jess take a step toward him, looking as angry as Jeremy had ever seen him outside of the motel room the night he had come back from New York, but not out of control, at least not yet. He couldn't see Jess losing it like that over this. Jeremy knew that Jess's reaction in the motel that night had been fueled as much by fear as by anger. But, Jeremy felt his heartbeat speeding up just the same. He swallowed nervously, knowing he had really crossed a line. He stood there feeling stupid and embarrassed, hating himself and wanting to cry. He didn't know why he did stuff like this. It made him think of his first night with Jess, when he had 'whatevered' him because he'd been disappointed that Jess hadn't matched his expectations, or the lie about the peanut allergy he had made up in response to Jess seemingly having forgotten he existed two mornings in a row. He knew he wasn't good at handling his own emotions when he was hurt. He always lashed out so childishly, as if the second he got hurt he gave up on the other person and tried to sabotage the relationship completely, to ruin it himself before someone else could take it away from him. He was so pathetic.

Jess stopped a few feet away, keeping Jeremy just beyond arm's reach, and Jeremy was grateful for the space, half expecting Jess to get up in his face and use physical intimidation to make Jeremy back down. Jeremy studied Jess's face nervously for any sign of what to expect. Jeremy watched Jess take a deep steadying breath, and Jeremy let out a quiet exhale of a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "This conversation is over, Jeremy. You need to either head back down to the diner or go to your room. It's up to you, but I really need you to get out of my sight right now."

Jeremy knew he should apologize. He knew how he talked to Jess had been completely out of line. But, he couldn't bring himself to do it. He wanted Jess to apologize for what he had done first.

"Fine." Jeremy turned and walked back to the door. Luke had sent him up here for the first aid kit from the bathroom after Cesar had used the last bandaid in the diner's kit. Jeremy would just tell him they were out up here, too, and offer to run to the drugstore for a new box.

Winston scampered after him, still looking for love from his boy. "Jeremy!" Jeremy froze at Jess's tone. "Do not walk out that door without giving your dog some fucking attention. It's not Winston's fault you're pissed at me."

Jeremy reflexively bent to pet Winston's head. Jess was right. It wasn't Winston's fault he was pissed, and as much as he really wanted to just get out of there, away from Jess, he really didn't want to make an already bad situation worse by directly disobeying him. Jeremy got down on one knee and rubbed Winston's head and neck, telling him in a low voice what a good boy he was. He felt himself calming slightly as he pet his dog, thinking about how Winston loved him and trusted him. Then he left Winston in the living room and walked out of the apartment. He didn't realize how angry he still was until he heard the door slamming loudly behind him. His heart beat rapidly all the way down the stairs, as he worried that the action might incite Jess to come after him.

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Part of Jess wanted to storm out after Jeremy and make him come back up to close the door properly, but he could only see that playing out one way. His hands on Jeremy, fingers digging into his biceps hard enough to bruise, angrily dragging him back up the stairs, while he yelled at him loud enough for the whole diner to hear. He'd been on the other side of that kind of manhandling many times as a kid and he didn't want to be that kind of parent. His entire childhood had shown him how harmful that type of parenting could be. He didn't know what options that left him with. He had just stood there and done nothing while his kid had told him to go fuck himself, twice. It hadn't felt good, but he hadn't been able to come up with a viable middle ground between flying into a rage or standing there and taking it. He didn't really want to be that kind of parent either, one whose kid thought he could talk to him like that. But, more than anything, he didn't want to unleash on Jeremy like he had that night in the motel. Not ever again. He had come too close to being every man he had ever hated or feared from his own childhood. A one time occurrence was one thing. Jess hoped Jeremy would be generous when he thought about that night and blame his behavior on a perfect storm of stress caused by the loss of his job, the fire and not knowing where his kid was at three a.m. But more than once, that was a pattern for Jeremy to look back on later in life, a legacy of anger and volatility to remember him by. That was the last kind of parent he wanted to be.

He shouldn't have looked at Jeremy's phone. It had been a shitty thing to do. And, in the end, it had been inconclusive enough to be pointless. He could admit that. But, it hadn't justified the way Jeremy had talked to him. The boy's entire demeanor had been so hateful. And, Jess got it, he'd messed up, but hadn't he done enough good stuff for Jeremy over the past few months to deserve to be cut a little slack for one poor decision? Jess thought about how spitefully and disrespectfully Jeremy had talked to him at the end, barely camouflaging his message for Jess to go fuck himself. And, how the boy had used his name, spitting out 'Jess' with such contempt, the same way he had with 'Liz' when he was a teenager and wanted to show his mother how little he thought of her. Jess remembered when he had been secretly working at Walmart at Jeremy's age and had come home to find the contents of his dresser drawer moved after Luke had searched through his stuff. He had been angry, but he hadn't spoken to Luke with anywhere near as much heat or disrespect as Jeremy had just spoken to him. He had never in his life dropped the f-bomb on Luke, even during their worst fights, over school or over Jimmy. Jess knew it wasn't a useful thought, but he kind of missed the honeymoon phase, when Jeremy had been so grateful for every kindness Jess had shown him that the boy had graciously overlooked all Jess's flaws as a parent and a person. He knew it wasn't a sustainable model for a relationship to have one person feel so grateful toward the other, and he didn't honestly want Jeremy to behave out of fear of Jess losing interest or getting rid of him, but jeez, if Jeremy hadn't been easier to deal with back then. He hoped this passed quickly. The adoption was in three days and he didn't want tension from this hanging over the day like a dark cloud. Jess sighed and looked at the time. He had better run the dog outside and get over to the bookstore.

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"Hey, Jess! You want breakfast or did you eat already?" Luke balanced several plates of food as he greeted Jess in the diner.

Jess's stomach growled at the offer. He hadn't eaten, but now he didn't have time. He didn't want to be late for work. "Could I maybe just get a coffee to go?"

"Yeah, sure." Luke spotted Jeremy walking behind the counter and called out to the boy. "Hey, Jeremy, can you get Jess a coffee to go?"

Jeremy nodded, putting the dirty dishes he had just bussed into the tray below the counter. Without looking at Jess, he filled a cardboard cup with coffee, snapped on a plastic lid and wordlessly put the cup on the counter in front of Jess.

"Thank you, Jeremy." Jess said, trying to get the boy to look at him.

Jeremy nodded his acknowledgement without making eye contact and walked away.

"So, uh, what's going on, there?" Luke asked, his voice low.

Jess turned to find his uncle standing behind him, the full plates he had been carrying now replaced with a stack of empty ones. He sighed. "He's mad at me."

Luke chuckled. "Yeah, I got that part. What did you do?"

Jess knew Luke was joking, that he didn't realize how serious the situation was, but he still felt a spike of annoyance at his uncle's disloyalty. "You don't even know what happened and you're on his side. Hmm, that shocks no one."

Luke frowned. "I'm not taking anyone's side. I don't like seeing you guys like this."

"Yeah, well that makes two of us." Jess held up his drink. "Thanks for the coffee. I really need to get to work."

Jess walked toward the door, watching Jeremy standing at Patty and Babette's table, notepad and pencil raised, smiling and laughing at something one of them said as he took their order. Jess sighed. It wasn't even ten o'clock yet and the day already sucked.

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Sunday brunch was a busy time in the diner. The crowd didn't thin out until after two-thirty. Jeremy waited until Luke cashed out the last customer to approach him.

"Do you want me to run out for those band-aids now?"

Luke looked at Jeremy carefully. "It's about time for Winston's walk, isn't it?"

"Uh, yeah. It is. I guess I should go take him out. Is that ok?"

"Yeah, you don't want to keep him waiting. You mind if I tag along?" Luke smiled. "Let's you and me get out of here for a little while, get some fresh air. What do you say? We can stop for the band-aids while we're out."

Jeremy was caught off guard by the request. He would normally jump at the chance to spend time with Luke, just the two of them, but he had seen Luke talking to Jess earlier and he figured that Luke just wanted to get him alone to lecture him on how he had treated his nephew. "Uh, sure. That sounds good."

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Jeremy was holding Winston's leash as they walked through the town square, waiting for Luke to lay him into for what he had said to Jess. Even though he knew he had it coming, he hated the idea of Luke being angry at him or disappointed at how he'd treated Jess. He wished for the millionth time during his shift that he had stopped when Jess had warned him to. It wouldn't have been nearly as bad if he hadn't ended with all the 'go fuck yourself' stuff. God, he was such an idiot. His face was already warming at the memory of his behavior and Luke hadn't even reprimanded him yet.

"So." Luke started. "Things seemed a little tense with you and Jess in the diner earlier. You want to talk about what's going on with you two?"

Jeremy didn't. But, he didn't want to say that to Luke. He didn't want to come across as rude and alienate another person he cared about. He considered playing dumb, coming back with a 'what do you mean,' but unlike earlier with Jess, he knew he deserved what he was about to get and he had no intention of making things harder than they had to be. He would just take whatever Luke wanted to say to him and apologize. He'd work extra hard at the diner to get back on Luke's good side.

"We had a fight." Jeremy said.

"I kind of worked that part out myself." Luke sounded amused and Jeremy felt hopeful. Maybe this wouldn't be as bad as he thought.

"Was it when you went upstairs for the band-aids?" Luke asked.

Jeremy nodded, keeping his eyes trained on Winston as the dog sniffed along the snow. "Yeah. When I walked in….Well, you know I'm grounded, right? That I have been since I got here?"

Luke nodded. "I heard something to that effect."

"Well, I'm not allowed to use my phone either, while I'm grounded. Jess took it away from me and put it in a drawer." "And, when I walked in today, he was charging it and looking through my messages."

"Ah…"

"He was checking to see if I was using it to text Melissa when I wasn't supposed to be."

"I see."

"And, he didn't find anything because I wasn't. I wouldn't sneak around like that behind his back. I know I kind of did with going to New York without telling him, that one time, but that was different. I just…..I wanted to be with Melissa and I didn't want to look like a loser that her and her friend could go and I couldn't. It was different. I just got, like, caught up in wanting to impress her, and it was stupid because she already liked me anyway. I think it would have been fine if I had said no and gone home. But, I would never do something that Jess actually forbid me to do, like use my phone behind his back while I'm grounded."

"So, you feel like he doesn't trust you?"

"Yeah, because he doesn't. It's obvious. And, it feels really bad. I mean, aside from the New York incident, and the stuff with the peanut allergy." Jeremy got embarrassed at the mention of that lie, but he hadn't wanted to leave it unsaid and to have Luke think he didn't count it as a serious offense. "I've followed all his rules. Not that he has that many. But, I try to be really helpful at home and I talk to him respectfully most of the time, and I get good grades, and I'm good about taking care of Winston…." Jeremy wasn't sure where he was going with his list of attributes so he let himself trail off, knowing these didn't really matter in the bigger picture of whether Jess trusted him. Running off to New York without permission had obviously outweighed the rest in Jess's mind.

"You're a really good kid, Jeremy. Jess knows that."

Jeremy shrugged, feeling dangerously close to getting emotional. He didn't want to be in a fight with Jess, and he felt really relieved that Luke wasn't taking Jess's side. He didn't know how he would deal if they were both angry with him at the same time. "It hurts that he thinks I'm someone who would lie and sneak around like that. I don't _feel_ like I am, but then I think about it, and I _have_ lied and I _have_ snuck around, so…..I don't know. It's not like I can really defend myself and say I'm not. That's what feels the worst."

"Jeremy, I love my nephew. You know that, right?"

Jeremy was surprised by the question, but he figured it was probably some kind of segue into Luke telling him that he needed to be better to Jess, more grateful for all he'd done for him.

"Yeah. Of course." Jeremy said. "I love him, too."

Luke smiled warmly at him. "I know you do. And, I'm just telling you that I do because I'm about to say something kind of bad about him, and I want you to know that I'm saying it out of love, and that it isn't anything I wouldn't say in front of him."

Jeremy turned toward Luke, his curiosity piqued.

"When Jess was your age, he was kind of a liar. He was a really sneaky kid. Don't get me wrong, he was never a bad kid. I mean, I know I'm biased, but I never thought he was actually bad. But, he lied and snuck around behind my back the whole time he lived with me like it was nothing. Growing up with his mother…..how can I put this. Liz had problems with drugs and alcohol, and men really, for most of her adult life, and Jess wasn't…...cared for the way a kid should be cared for when he was little. When he came to live with me, he was an angry kid and he had very little respect for anyone, including himself. He got in fights at school, talked back to his teachers. He stole. He caused lots of problems with Taylor and other people in town. And, he lied to me. A lot. He got a job at Walmart without me knowing. He was gone a lot and he was making money, enough to buy a car. And, I knew he hadn't got it from working for me. So, one day I went through his stuff."

Jeremy knew his face had registered his surprise when he saw Luke's embarrassed expression.

"I did. It was pretty stupid, and I couldn't even tell you what I thought I was looking for. But, I wanted to know where he was getting his money. He came home and he could tell I'd been through his stuff and he was not happy about it, but he finally told me about Walmart. He told me that a second job wouldn't keep him from graduating high school, that he could pass his classes without putting in any real effort. But, then he spent the last few months of his senior year sneaking around behind my back, pretending he was going to school, telling me that he was going to go and then heading over to Walmart to work instead. I can't even tell you how many times he lied right to my face about it." Luke paused for a moment and Jeremy could tell he was stuck in a memory. "Anyway, I'm telling you this because I don't think Jess looking through your phone was about how he sees you as much as it was about how he sees himself, or at least the teenage version of himself that he used to be. He was a sneaky kid when he was your age. A good person deep down, and a sweet kid when he wanted to be, but sneaky. Someone who was willing to take lots of liberties with the truth, and who could come up with his own personal rationalization for doing things he knew he shouldn't. And, I think that's where his mind goes with you because that's what he was like. If I had taken something away from him when he lived with me, he would have taken it back and done whatever the hell he wanted behind my back. I don't think you're like that. I think you're more like how I was at your age, and you want to do the right thing by the people you care about. I think maybe he has trouble really understanding that because it's so different from how he thought at your age."

Jeremy was silent for a moment, reflecting on what Luke had told him. He had known some of the details of Jess not finishing school, but he couldn't imagine being lucky enough to have an uncle like Luke, who was willing to take him in when he needed help, and taking advantage of his kindness like that.

"When Jess realized you had searched his stuff, what did he say? Did you guys get in a fight?"

Luke chuckled. "Almost every day was a fight with that kid. But, yes, we did. He accused me of being…..what did he say? Totalitarian, I believe. I remember the word because I looked it up in the dictionary after he stormed out." Luke laughed softly at the memory. "He bitched at me for invading his privacy. I bitched at him for sneaking around. It escalated into an argument about him graduating high school, but pretty much all our conversations were ending up there by that point."

"Oh." Jeremy had been hoping for something more dramatic, to make him feel better about his own fight with Jess. "Ours was pretty bad. I was really angry, and I acted like a jerk."

Luke was watching him, a fond expression on his face. "I can't see you being a jerk."

"I was. And when he told me to stop, I, uh…." Jeremy wanted to get it off his chest, but he was also a little scared to tell Luke. "I told him to go." Jeremy paused. "F himself. Twice."

"Oh." Luke's expression turned serious.

"Except I actually said the F word." Jeremy blushed, unsure what was more embarrassing, that he had actually told Jess to go fuck himself or that he had referred to the swear as the 'F word' in the retelling.

"I figured as much. It sounds like things got pretty heated."

"They did, or I did, at least. Jess didn't really yell or say anything that bad. I mean, I think he actually felt guilty about looking at my phone, or at least he felt bad about being caught doing it. And, I could tell he was getting angry from how I was talking to him, but he stayed pretty calm. I feel like I was the only one who got heated. It really…...sucked that he didn't trust me, and I just kind of lost it, I guess. I was terrible."

"I'm sure it's not anything you can't be forgiven for." Luke gave him a small smile. He didn't know if he should tell Luke that he didn't really want to apologize until Jess did. It felt too childish.

"I guess not." Jeremy agreed. Winston had already relieved himself and they had circled back toward the diner. "Thanks for listening to me, Uncle Luke."

"It's my pleasure, Jeremy. I'm always here if you want to talk."

Jeremy was grateful to have Luke in his life. He thought about his recent reversal of fortune when it came to family and loved ones and he knew he was being petty about what Jess had done, that it was very small in the bigger picture of who Jess was to him and what the man had given him. But, he also knew that he didn't want to settle for things being unfair just because he was a poor little orphan that Jess had rescued. That was a new thought for Jeremy, and it made him feel uncomfortable.

"Thanks. Thanks for really hearing my side of things. That means a lot to me." "When you wanted to talk, I thought you were going to just take Jess's side and come down on me about how I acted."

"I can't take sides between you and Jess. That's not how family works. I love you guys and I hate seeing you not getting along. But, I'm on both your sides, always." Luke reached out a hand to Jeremy and squeezed his shoulder through his coat.

They crossed the street back to the diner in silence and walked around the back toward Winston's entrance.

"One time when Jess lived with me, the toaster in the diner broke. I was getting really frustrated with it, and Jess snuck downstairs that night and played around with it until he fixed it."

Jeremy stared at Luke blankly, not knowing how to take this random story. "Ok."

Luke laughed. "I just thought I should tell you a story about something nice Jess did when he was your age to balance out the story about him lying and sneaking around." Luke paused. "But, come to think of it, when I asked him if he fixed the toaster, he lied about it."

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Jess knocked on Jeremy's bedroom door and waited until he heard a soft 'come in' from inside. He opened the door to find Winston on his feet, greeting him with a wagging tail and Jeremy sitting on the bed, leaning against the headboard on a propped up pillow, his knees pulled up protectively and looking much less happy. Jess bent to give Winston some affection. "Hey, buddy? How's my little guy doing? Huh? Who's my good boy?" Jess stood and walked over to Jeremy's bed, watching the boy eye him nervously, while still keeping up the pretense of reading the textbook balanced against his thighs.

"So, I think we need to talk." Jess gestured toward the end of Jeremy's bed. "Ok if I sit?"

Jeremy looked up and nodded his head. "Yeah, of course."

"How was your day?"

"Uh, good, I guess. It was ok."

Jess sat down near the end of the bed, a few feet from his son. Jeremy fidgeted with the textbook and Jess reached for it, stopping himself right before he put his hand on it. "May I?"

"Oh, uh, sure." Jeremy shut the book and handed it to Jess who set it on Jeremy's desk. "How about you? How was your day?" Jeremy glanced at the alarm clock on his nightstand. "Did you work late?"

"No, I got out at six. I was just walking around. I didn't want to come home until I figured out what I wanted to say to you."

Jeremy watched Jess wordlessly. Jess was relieved to see that the boy didn't look angry or defensive. He tried to read Jeremy's expression, and he saw some apprehension there, but he couldn't tell if it was over the boy's earlier behavior or what the kid thought was coming. Jess had expected an apology by this point, but it looked like he would need to go first, which he supposed was fair considering that his offensive action had been the catalyst for Jeremy's offensive behavior.

"I didn't come up with anything profound, in case you were wondering, so I'll just give you what I've got. I love you. And, I'm sorry. I should have trusted you."

One side of Jeremy's mouth turned up in a small, approving half-smile, and Jess felt good that he had started off by acknowledging his own error in judgement. "Thanks. I'm, uh, I'm sorry, too. Really sorry. I shouldn't have said what I did. I shouldn't have talked to you like that."

Jess took a deep breath. "Thank you. And, for the record, I agree. You were pretty out of line, even if I did upset you. I think we need to talk about that, too. Telling me to go fuck myself is really not ok."

Jeremy's face flushed pink and Jess was glad to see that the boy was embarrassed. He felt like that was a good thing, an appropriate response to what he'd done.

Jeremy nodded, looking down at his lap. "You're right. I'm really sorry. I feel horrible about what I said. It won't happen again."

"Thanks." Jess looked over toward Jeremy's desk, his and April's old one, while he collected his thoughts, before turning back toward Jeremy. "I know I haven't always set the best example of how I want us to treat each other. I'm aware of that. The way I lost it on you that night in the motel room wasn't ok either. I know that. And, I'm trying to work on that. On controlling myself, and waiting until I'm in a calm place before I have conversations when I'm mad, especially conversations with you. I've always had anger issues…." "And, I think maybe you do, too." Jess dipped his head, trying to make eye contact with Jeremy. The boy looked up and met his eye in response. "I think you just hide yours better than I did at your age. But, I think you need to work on the way you lash out at me when your feelings are hurt. I don't want it to be something that holds you back in life. Relationships are hard enough, as it is." Jess swallowed. "I hope it doesn't make me sound like a hypocrite, that I'm asking you to work on something at your age that I haven't really mastered at mine. But, even if it does, I guess I'm ok with it, because at the end of the day, I want you to be a better person than I am. And, I'm thinking that means you need to start working on some stuff earlier than I did. I let my anger ruin a lot of things for me when I was younger, a lot of relationships. I used it as an excuse to treat some people I cared about like crap and push them away. I don't want to see the same things happen to you."

Jeremy nodded. "Ok. I'll work on it. I promise." Jess took in the shine in Jeremy's eyes, and knew the boy had taken his words to heart. "I don't want to be someone who treats the people they care about like crap."

Jess smiled warmly. "Good. Because I don't want to be treated like crap. It feels…" Jess made a face. "Crappy, for lack of a better word." Jess grinned, and a small smile formed on Jeremy's face in response. "I don't want to be someone who treats you like crap, either."

"You really don't. You do so much for me. You're a really good dad. I want you to know that I realize that and appreciate it. I mean, it sucked that you didn't trust me about the phone, but I think I get it now, that you were just projecting on me what you would have done if you were in my situation when you were my age."

Jess raised one eyebrow. "Yeah? Is that right?"

"Yeah." Jeremy smiled, as he wiped at the corner of one eye with the back of his hand. "I talked to Luke and he helped me see stuff from your point of view."

"Huh. Interesting. Remind me to thank Luke for sharing that bit of insight with you." Jess feigned annoyed sarcasm and Jeremy laughed softly.

"Talking to Luke really did help, though. He's a good listener. Like, I thought he was going to be on your side and tell me that I was being a jerk to you, but it wasn't like that. He cared about how I felt, too. It was really good to be able to talk to him like that."

"Yeah." Jess agreed. "He's not too terrible." They were both quiet for a moment and Jess thought about how grateful he was to have Luke around, for Jeremy and for himself.

"So, am I…." The blush rose on Jeremy's cheeks again. "Like, grounded for longer because of what I said to you?"

Jess shook his head. "No, you're not. You're eighteen, technically an adult, and I want to treat you like one."

"I feel really awful."

Jess smirked. "Hey, that's what happens when an adult treats someone they care about badly. They get to feel awful about it." Jess lifted his shoulders slightly, in a small shrug. "I can't help you with that. The only thing I can do is still love you while you feel awful, if that helps."

Jeremy stared at Jess silently, and Jess wondered what the boy was thinking.

"I also don't see any point in keeping your phone from you for the next couple of days. I left it on the dining room table. You can have it back whenever you want. You are officially ungrounded, three days early, for." Jess grinned and tilted his head to one side. "Let's just say, _mostly_ good behavior."

Jeremy huffed out a silent laugh. "Ok. Thanks."

"Sure." Jess smiled at his son. "I need to go eat something. Did you have dinner already?"

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah, I ate in the diner. But I'll come out and sit with you, if you want."

"I definitely want." Jess started to stand up, then sat back down, realizing he had a little more he needed to say. "And, one more thing, Jeremy. Please just take what I said about your anger as a piece of constructive criticism about one tiny, specific aspect of your behavior. Because overall, I think you're a really great kid. I hope I tell you that enough."

Jeremy looked down at his lap. "I'm not sure how to quantify 'enough,' but you've definitely told me more times than anyone else ever has." The boy looked back up at Jess. "I can tell you that much, at least."

"I love you so much. I would tell you that you're my favorite kid, except Winston's in the room and I don't want to hurt his feelings."

Jess watched Jeremy smile. "I love you, too."

Jess smiled warmly at the boy. "And, I hope it goes without saying that I'm not one of the people you could ever push away by treating me like crap. Not even if you tried really hard. You know that, right?"

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah. I do." Jeremy smiled at Jess. "You're my forever person."

Jess huffed out a soft laugh. "Yeah, I am." He stood up. "I don't know about you, but I could really use a hug right now."

Jeremy got to his feet and took a step forward. Jess pulled the boy into his chest, holding him tightly and cupping the back of his head with one palm. "I hate fighting with you." He kissed the side of the Jeremy's head and let go as he felt the boy start to pull away.

Jeremy nodded, a smile on his face. "Yeah. It did really suck. I don't think we should do it again."

"Ok. Deal!" Jess said with exaggerated enthusiasm. He put his arm around Jeremy's shoulders and started leading him toward the door. "Hey, you know what would be really great, Son?"

Jeremy smiled. "What would be really great, Dad?"

"Aww! That right there! You read my mind!" Jess grinned. "That's what I needed to hear! I needed something to wipe out the sound of all the angry 'Jess's' from earlier that were still rattling around in my head." Jess put exaggerated attitude into the pronunciation of his name for comedic effect while he got his point across.

He heard Jeremy laugh, and he dropped one more kiss on the side of his kid's head, before taking his arm back to let Jeremy walk through the doorway ahead of him.


	30. Chapter 30 - Adoption

**Chapter 30 Notes:** The boys make things official. :) Thank you so much to everyone who left me reviews for the last chapter. You guys are so thoughtful and generous and I love hearing from you. I want to give a special thank you to the guest reader who spent time in foster care. It means so much to me to hear that you're finding aspects of my story relatable.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing but my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

The dinner rush was over, and there were only a couple of tables of customers finishing their meals. Jeremy had bussed all the empty tables, wiped them down and refilled their ketchup bottles and salt and pepper containers. He was currently wiping down the counter. And, stalling. He was aware of this, but he was waiting for the right moment to talk to Luke. He wasn't sure what he was so afraid of. He knew he was being a wuss and that he should just get it over with. If Luke said no, Jeremy was confident that it would be due to a logistical reason related to not being able to get away from the diner. He was pretty sure Luke would want to come if he was able to. He hated that this still felt so hard. Luke always came out of the kitchen to talk to him when it was this slow. Jeremy made up his mind that he would ask his uncle as soon as the man came into the dining room. He listened to the sound of scraping from the kitchen as Luke cleaned the buildup of burnt gristle from the grill. He knew his uncle would be coming out soon. The scraping stopped and Jeremy focused his attention on cleaning a spot of dried ketchup on one of the stools as he heard Luke's footsteps approaching.

Luke stood across the counter from Jeremy, and the boy stopped what he was doing to look up at him. "There's a basketball game tonight at the high school, but you probably knew that. So, we're going to get a rush of kids around nine when it's over, but it should be pretty slow for the next hour and a half or so." Luke studied Jeremy. "Are you ok, Jeremy? Is there something bothering you?"

Jeremy knew he really needed to work on his poker face. He hated that he wore his emotions and his anxiety so obviously. "I'm good. I was just thinking, I guess."

"Ok." Luke nodded slowly. "Everything's going good at school, right?" Luke asked.

"Yeah. Yeah, school's fine."

"Yeah? This job isn't getting in the way, is it? You still have enough time to study? You're getting all your work done and everything?"

Jeremy smiled at the concern in Luke's voice. He knew the worry was really aimed at the teenager that Luke had raised fifteen years ago, but he appreciated the thought. "Everything's good. I have A's in all my classes so far. Working here hasn't been a problem. If anything, having this job has helped me get better at managing my time since I have less time to do my homework."

"Ok. I trust you. I just worry about you having too much on your plate."

"I appreciate that, and I'll let you know if it gets to that point, but honestly right now things are good."

"If it becomes too much when baseball season starts, we can lighten your work schedule. Or you can take the season off from the diner and start working again in the summer. Whatever works for you, ok?"

Jeremy looked down for a moment before looking back at Luke. "Yeah, thanks, but I'm not sure if I'm even going to play baseball this year."

"What are you talking about? You play every year. You love baseball. That's one of the first things we talked about the first weekend Jess brought you out here."

Jeremy felt a stab of guilt over how honestly disappointed Luke sounded. "I don't know. I usually play. But, I didn't play my sophomore year either. And, it was fine. I was in this group home where I couldn't get transportation after practice…" Jeremy trailed off, knowing his reasons for not playing his sophomore year were not relevant to whether he played this year. The school was right across the street, plus he knew he could get a ride to anywhere he needed to go.

"If you're worried about not making the team, I can tell you that Stars Hollow sports are notoriously bad. I think you'd have a decent shot to make the team even as a senior. And, I've known the coach forever. I could put in a word for you if you want me to. Let him know that you're new here and that you really want to be able to play."

"Oh, no. Thanks, but you don't have to do that. And, yeah, I kind of got that the teams here aren't that great. I think the boys' basketball team is one and ten right now, and the girls' team has only won like one more game than the boys. I think the hockey teams are doing pretty bad, too."

"Even if the baseball team isn't good, I think you'd still have fun. And, maybe make friends with some of your teammates."

Jeremy thought about that. Everyone at Stars Hollow had been nice to him so far. It was Jeremy's impression that most of the students had been together since grammar school and the idea of a rare new kid in class was interesting to them. Kids said hi to him in the hallways, asked him to join their tables for lunch or to partner with them for group projects, but he couldn't say he had met anyone he thought he was going to be real friends with. It was also everyone's last semester with their friends before heading off to different colleges. Everyone was polite and friendly to him in a way that showed they were kind and had been raised with good manners, but he didn't get the impression that any of his classmates were looking for anything meaningful in a friendship with him. And, he got that. He was too late to the game. But, Luke was right, playing on a team had always been a good place to establish friendships for him in the past, even if they ended up being as fleeting as the season or the placement.

"Yeah, it's not about that. I mean, I really wouldn't care if the team won or not. I just like playing. But, this year feels different. Like, I feel like I should work as much as I can to make money so I can go to college next year. That seems more important than playing baseball."

Luke frowned. "Jeremy, you're going to college next year. That's a given. No matter how much money you earn or don't earn. You know that, right?"

"I know that's the plan, sure. But, college is really expensive. And, Jess is working all the time to be able to help me go. He works full-time at the bookstore, then he drives for Uber at night and on his days off. And, he started picking up those breakfast shifts here twice a week before work." One of Luke's waitresses had needed to switch her schedule around due to a morning class this semester, and Jess had volunteered to fill the gap that Luke had been left with. What was even worse was that Jess had refused to take money from Luke for the shifts he had picked up, claiming he was fine working for tips and just wanted to help Luke out. Jeremy had felt guilty that he wasn't doing the same, but Jess had assured him that he should get paid. Jess had gotten paid when he was Jeremy's age, but Jess's situation was different now, and it was the least he could do to help out Luke now that he was an adult.

"Well, sometimes parents have to pick up extra work to put their kids through college. Jess is working those extra jobs because he wants to. Because sending you to college is his top priority right now. It's not something you should feel guilty about. And, it's not a reason that you shouldn't play baseball. I'm pretty sure Jess would back me up on this."

Jeremy shrugged. "I don't know. It just doesn't seem fair. It's not like Jess gets a bunch of free time to play a sport or do stuff he wants to do. It doesn't seem right that I should be off playing baseball while he's working so hard to pay for my school. It's just something I like to do. It's not like I'm good enough to get a scholarship or anything. It seems like a waste of time."

Luke had started shaking his head before Jeremy was done talking. "It's not the same thing, Jeremy. You're still in school, still a kid. You'll have your whole life to focus on work." Luke sighed. "Look, I've told Jess this and now I'm telling you. I'm here if you need me to help with school. Jess is dead set against the idea of letting me help, but it really isn't about him. I don't want to see you sacrificing something that you want to do because you think you might not be able to go to college if you don't make enough money, ok? College is expensive. You're right about that. And, you'll probably have to take out some loans and have a part-time job while you're in school. April did, too. And, Jess will help you with as much as he can, because he loves you and you going to school is important to him. But, if there are any gaps in there…...I'm here. I want you to know that. That's the whole point of having a family, Jeremy. They're around to help you when you need it."

Jeremy could feel tears pooling in his eyes and blinked them back. At moments like these, he just felt so extremely grateful for everyone and everything he had been given this year. He thought back to the generous check that Emily had given him at Christmas, a thousand dollars to a kid she didn't even know but wanted to help just because of his connection to Luke and Lorelai. "Will you come to my adoption on Wednesday, Uncle Luke? It would really mean a lot to me to have you there."

Luke seemed momentarily caught off guard by the transition, before he broke into a grin. "I would love to, Jeremy. It would mean a lot to me to be there."

"Thanks." A warm feeling spread in Jeremy's chest. "It's in the morning, though. Is that all right? I know you don't really take a lot of time off from the diner….."

"I definitely think your adoption is worth missing work for. I'll work something out with Cesar, and if he can't cover for me, I'll close the diner."

"Really?"

"Of course, really. This is a big deal, Jeremy. I closed the diner the day Leelee was born. Cesar was out of town visiting a friend, and I wasn't going to miss being there to welcome my first grandchild. And, I'm not going to miss being there for my first great-nephew, either."

Jeremy felt overwhelmed with emotion. "Sometimes I wish Jess was your son, so that you could be my grandfather." Jeremy realized what he just said and felt a rush of shame, instantly trying to backtrack before his thoughtlessness ruined Luke's impression of him. "It's nothing against Liz and TJ. I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. I just-"

Luke nodded. "It's ok, Jeremy. I think I know what you mean. Sometimes I wish Jess was my son, too."

They were quiet for a moment. A thought occurred to Jeremy. "I don't even have a glove anymore. I never replaced mine after the fire."

Luke smiled warmly at him. "That's ok. We can get you a new one now and get it oiled up and broken in before the season starts."

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Jeremy sat in the backseat listening to Jess and Luke argue about the most efficient route to the courthouse in Woodbury while he tried to keep his shit together. This was really happening. In less than an hour, he was going to be adopted. He would finally be a part of the always elusive forever family that he had been looking for since he was five. The two men in the front seat, his two favorite people in the world, would be legally bound to him forever. He would officially have a dad. An uncle. An aunt. Grandparents and cousins. He wouldn't be alone for the rest of his life. He would fit somewhere. He would have people who loved him and wanted him around. Someone he could call when he needed to talk or ask for advice. A place where he would be welcomed at holidays. For the rest of his life. After all those years of hoping, he had thought it was out of his reach. It was all more than he ever thought he would really have. And, it all felt like too much. Jeremy was doing his best not to let himself cry.

He didn't notice they had parked in the courthouse lot until Jess turned to look at him, his face visible between the two front seats, his eyes warm and loving, his mouth grinning. "You ready to do this, kid?"

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The adoption itself went by in a blur. When Jeremy thought back on it later the things he remembered the best were the surreal feeling of being called into the courtroom and feeling like he should wake up from a dream any minute and still be in the last group home. Meeting Jess's eye and sharing a smile as they both raised their right hands obediently and repeated after the judge as they were sworn in. The feeling of overwhelming love and gratitude he'd felt watching this man who had been a complete stranger only six months ago claim him as his son. The nervous flutter he felt when the judge turned her attention to him and the absolute certainty in his heart when he answered yes, he wanted to be adopted by Jess, more than anything. The choked up feeling that had instantly taken over when the adoption was official. Barely hearing the judge's congratulations as Jess pulled him into a hug, the feel of the man's hand cupping the back of his head, his mouth against his hair, kissing him and telling him how much he loved him. The tears welling in both their eyes when they pulled apart. Luke reaching for him next, with wet eyes of his own, hugging him tightly and welcoming him to the family. Watching Luke and Jess embrace, Luke kissing Jess's head the same way Jess always kissed his. The photo Luke took of Jess and Jeremy together, arms around each other, grins on their faces, their first official family portrait. Then the one the bailiff took of Jeremy, Jess and Luke standing with the judge. The feeling that this was the best day of his life, and how crazy it felt that something so life-altering could be over so quickly.

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They were back in the car and Jess was pulling out of the parking lot before Jeremy started to cry for real. At first he thought he could do it quietly enough to go unnoticed since he was in the backseat, but he knew he had failed when he met Jess's eye in the rearview mirror and Luke turned to look at him.

"You doing ok back there, Jeremy?" Luke asked, a warm smile on his face.

Jeremy nodded as he wiped at the tears streaming down his face. "Yeah. I'm ok."

"Do you want me to pull over?" Jess asked, his eyes back on the road as he made a left turn.

Jeremy laughed through his tears. "For what? I'm crying, not puking."

Jeremy caught Jess's reflection in the mirror again and could see that his father was smiling big enough for it to crinkle the skin around his eyes.

"Hey, go easy on me!" Jess said. "I've only officially been a parent for like twenty minutes."

Jeremy laughed again.

"I thought you might need a hug or something." Jess said.

"I think I can make it until we get to the restaurant." Jeremy could still feel tears spilling over and running down his cheeks, but he was smiling now and he knew the worst was over.

Luke opened the glove box and handed a pack of tissues back to Jeremy. "Here, take these, Jeremy."

"Thanks." Jeremy opened the pack and pulled out a tissue, wiping his eyes and mopping at his face. "I'm just really happy." Jeremy laughed at how ridiculous that must sound. "This is the best day of my life."

"Me too." Jess said, his voice thick with emotion. "I'm so happy to be your dad. You have no idea how happy you made me today, Jeremy.

Jeremy shook his head. "No way. You wanted this for a few months, tops." Jeremy could feel his tears starting up again. "I've been dreaming about this day for thirteen years. You have no idea how happy _you_ made _me_." Jeremy's voice cracked a little on the last word. He knew he should be embarrassed that Jess and Luke were seeing him like this, but he really didn't care.

Jeremy pulled out a few tissues for himself and handed the pack back to Luke. Luke took two tissues and handed one to Jess, who stopped mid-sniffle to laugh and shake his head. "I'm good. Really."

"C'mon, Jess." Luke persisted, knocking the hand holding the tissue gently against Jess's arm to get his attention. "It's not safe to drive my great-nephew around with tears in your eyes."

Jess laughed again. "This is so ridiculous." He accepted the offering, blotting at his eyes lightly as Luke did the same next to him. "Just for the record, I suffer from seasonal allergies. That's all you're witnessing here today."

Jeremy and Luke laughed, and Jeremy could hear Jess chuckle softly.

There was silence in the car for a moment, before Luke spoke. "So, if the girls ask, should we say we were stoic and dry-eyed the whole time?"

"Oh, yeah!" Jess agreed, his voice full of laughter. "That's the story I'm sticking with. So much stoicism, it was practically a World War II movie in there!"

Jeremy smiled through his tears as he listened to Jess and Luke laugh. The best day of his life.

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They ended up at a Vietnamese restaurant in Woodbury, chosen by Jeremy to mirror his and Jess's first dinner out together in Philadelphia. Jess had appreciated the sentimentality of the choice. After lunch, they were going to go walk Winston and then take in an afternoon showing of the _The Natural_ at the Black, White and Read Theatre. They had made the plan the day before, and Jess had offered to take them into Hartford to find a fancier restaurant and something different and more exciting to do, but Jeremy had insisted he was good with the movie. Luke had mentioned that it was his favorite movie once when they were talking about baseball and Jeremy knew he could probably find it on Netflix, but he really wanted to see it on the big screen. Jess had been skeptical about whether lunch and a movie was something memorable enough for Jeremy's big day, but Jeremy had assured him that he just wanted to hang out with him and Luke, that no matter what they did or didn't do, Jeremy would never forget his adoption day.

Sitting with his uncle and son now, working on an appetizer of spring rolls as they waited for their food, Jess was glad they were keeping the day low-key and intimate. He liked this. Sitting around a table with the two people he loved most, listening to his son explain his feelings.

"It's like, I've felt kind of like part of the family for a while, but now that's it's real, it feels different, and so much better than I expected it to. Like, even though you told me you love me and have been taking care of me and everything, up until an hour ago, I was really just some random kid that you guys were being nice to."

Jess saw Luke frown out of the corner of his eye. "I would hardly say that." Jess said.

"But, it's true. You weren't even fostering me anymore after we left Philadelphia. We had no real connection other than an emotional one. Like, if something had happened to me, and I was in a coma in the hospital, you wouldn't have been considered my next of kin. No one would have been."

Jess thought about that. Jeremy was right, and it was another thing that Jess hadn't thought to take care of. He should have looked into healthcare proxy forms for Jeremy when he turned eighteen in case something like that had happened. He hadn't even thought about health insurance for Jeremy until he hadn't been able to put Jeremy on his plan at the bookstore. Andrew had been nice about it, telling Jess that he could add Jeremy to his plan once the adoption was final, but Jess had had to buy a month's worth of coverage for Jeremy on his own until that happened. Even though the boy was eighteen and didn't require a lot of supervision, Jess still felt like he was always missing things he should have been on top of. He had the feeling that by the time he got his parenting shit together, Jeremy would be graduating college and no longer need him.

"Well." Jess went for sarcasm. "I'm glad you were able to keep yourself out of a coma all this time to save us that complication. I appreciate that."

Jeremy smiled. "I'm being serious. Most people never have to think about these things because they always have someone." Jeremy shrugged. "I just had no one for so long and I want you guys to know how much it means to me that I have so many people now. Officially. Sometimes I think about it and it doesn't seem real. I don't know, it's just…...You guys are my two favorite people and I just feel so lucky that I have you both. I want you to know that."

It hurt Jess's heart to see Jeremy feeling so overwhelmed with gratitude over something that every kid should have. He felt himself getting choked up and he really didn't want to start tearing up in the restaurant. Doing it in the car had been embarrassing enough. Jess nodded. "I know can never really understand how you felt, being on your own all these years, but I can get on board with how lucky you feel now." Jess turned to include Luke, too. "You guys are my two favorite people, too, and I feel just as lucky to have you both in my life."

"Aw, jeez, you guys are going to make me get emotional again." Luke said, smiling as he watched his nephew and great-nephew.

"It's going to be really hard to leave you guys to go to college next year. I don't know if I'm ready for that." Jeremy said, the small smile on his face not matching his sad eyes.

Jess didn't know if he was ready for that either, but he knew he couldn't deal with this today, when he was already feeling emotional and vulnerable. He had just adopted Jeremy and he couldn't think about him leaving home in less than a year. He felt like he was going to lose it again if they got into this now.

Jess felt Jeremy and Luke watching him. When he didn't respond, Luke spoke. "You can always come home whenever you want to, Jeremy. Especially at the beginning if you're feeling homesick. There's nothing wrong with that."

"I guess so. I mean, I know most kids at school are really looking forward to getting out on their own and away from their families and everything, but I just finally got a family….."

"You'll always have a family." Luke said. "You being at college won't change that. And some kids are just more ready to go than others. And some think they're ready until they actually get there. April came home a few times during her first semester at MIT, and Rory, well I couldn't even tell Rory had moved out for the first few months. I think she was back at Lorelai's pretty much every weekend when she started at Yale. She even had her mom stay over in her dorm room with her her first night at school. Plus, she still saw her mom and her grandparents every Friday night for dinner. But, she adjusted to being away eventually. It's fine if it takes some time."

"Yeah. I'm sure it will be ok." Jeremy paused. "It just makes me really sad to think about it. All the schools I applied to are back in Pennsylvania. And that feels really far away now."

Jess felt Luke shoot him a look, but he still couldn't make himself join the conversation. He listened with shame as Luke comforted his child in his place. "You know, if you still feel like this once you've spent a semester at school, you can always transfer to a school in Hartford if you feel like you're too far away in Philadelphia. But, by then, you might not see things the same way."

"Yeah." Jeremy said. "You're right. I could always transfer later."

Jess knew that by the time Jeremy could transfer to a school in Connecticut he would likely have gotten over his homesickness and would want to stay in Philadelphia. Who wouldn't? It was a bigger, better city than Hartford and by the end of his first semester, Jeremy would likely have friends, roommates, possibly a girlfriend, people he wouldn't want to leave, who would feel more relevant to his life than Jess did.

Jess's self-preservation instinct kicked in and he none too subtly changed the subject. "So, the Red Sox season schedule is up, and I thought we should decide which game we want to go to. They're on the road for father's day weekend, so we can either watch them play the Yankees the weekend before that or the Royals the weekend after."

Jess took in Jeremy's confusion at the abrupt transition. He saw Luke's disappointment in him and the moment his uncle's expression turned to that of a tired parent, resigned to making the best of a less than ideal situation with their child. "What do we think, Jeremy?"

"The Yankees, definitely." Jeremy smiled without it reaching his eyes.

Luke turned back to Jess, who could tell the amusement on his uncle's face was forced. "The fact that you asked that as if it was a legitimate question makes me worry about you, nephew."

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"I know how you feel, you know. And you don't have anything to worry about.." Luke said. He was standing next to Jess in front of the diner while they waited for Jeremy to go up the back stairs and get Winston.

"Wow. Could you be a little less vague and condescending?" Jess shoved his hands deeper into the pockets of his jacket. It was too cold to be standing still like this. He should have known that Luke wanted to talk to him when the man had told Jeremy that they'd wait for him outside while he ran up to get Winston. Jess wasn't in the mood for a lecture. He had done his best to put on a cheerful face after they finished discussing college at the restaurant, but he really didn't want to talk about it.

"I think you know what I'm talking about. You're already sad about Jeremy leaving for college. You love him, you just got him, and you feel like you're going to lose him too soon. I get it. I felt the same with April-"

"That wasn't the same at all! You got April when she was eleven." Jess paused, knowing this was a sensitive topic for Luke, that he had been denied experiencing his daughter's early childhood, and Jess didn't want to offend. He sighed. "You had way more time with her than I'm going to have with Jeremy. It's different."

Luke nodded slowly. "Yep. Yeah, I had April for seven years before she went to college, but I only had her for one before she moved to New Mexico. That was hard. Knowing I had already missed out on so much of her childhood and then having her in my life just long enough to get attached before I lost her again."

"I'm sorry. I know that was hard, and really unfair."

"It was, but you can't get caught up on how hard or unfair something is. Not when it comes to your kids. It took more effort on my part, but we made a distance relationship work. And, you and Jeremy will, too. I feel like you're looking at his leaving for college as being this deadline on your bonding with him before he's out in the world with no use for you, but it isn't like that. He'll still want you in his life. He'll still need you even when he's in college."

"Yeah." Jess scoffed. "For money that I don't have."

"No." Luke huffed out a laugh. "Well, yeah, but not _just_ for money. For someone to talk to when he's homesick. For life advice." Jess wondered how useful he could be, knowing that he wouldn't be much help with advising Jeremy on how to navigate college or even have a healthy relationship. "No one else is going to replace you to him, Jess. Kids don't stop needing their parents. Even when they're adults. I mean, look at Rory. She's in her thirties and she still needed her mom to help her with Leelee."

"And, look at me, right? I'm in my thirties and still bumming a place to live off you." Jess feigned enthusiasm. "Hey, maybe I'll get as lucky as you and Lorelai and Jeremy will turn out to be as big of a codependent loser as me and Rory!"

Luke looked at Jess and sighed. "I did get lucky with my kids, you and Rory included, thank you very much. But, yeah, look at you. I had you for two years when you were a kid and I'm not sure the first one really counted because you barely spoke to me. I'm not going to speak for you, but I sure as hell bonded to you in that short time. I love you like you're mine Jess and I will always want you in my life. It doesn't matter that I was only your guardian for two years. And, I don't want to be presumptuous here, but you seem to like me all right, too."

Jess rolled his eyes. "Of course, I do. And, I do understand what you're saying. I just…..I want more time with him. I know it's not a productive thought, but I do. I never thought the idea of him leaving would hurt this much. I just…..want more time."

Jess plastered on a happy face as he saw Winston walk around the side of the diner, Jeremy following at the end of the leash. "Hey, Winston! There he is! There's my good boy!" Jess bent to greet Winston when the dog got close enough. He looked up at Jeremy and smiled. "There's my other good boy."

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"Hey, Dad?"

"Hey, Son."

Jess heard Jeremy laugh softly behind him and he turned off the faucet and reached for a kitchen towel, drying his hands as he turned away from the sink of dirty dinner dishes he had been washing, wanting to give Jeremy his full attention. "What's up?" The boy was wearing his sleep clothes with a navy hoodie layered on top.

"I just wanted to say goodnight, but I can finish those if you want." Jeremy gestured toward the sink.

"I don't want. But, thank you. I'll take care of them. So, you and Winston are headed to bed, huh? Did you have a good day?"

Jeremy's face lit up in a grin. "Yeah. I did. I had the best day. And, I just wanted to thank you. For today, and for everything. I'm just…..I'm so glad I have you, Jess-. Dad. I, I'm just really grateful for everything you've done for me. And, I love you so much."

"I love you, too, Jeremy. And, you don't need to thank me or feel grateful, ok? I get so much more out of having you in my life than you could ever get from having me in yours."

Jeremy scoffed, then laughed. "That's such bullshit!" Jeremy froze, his smile disappearing. "Uh, that's ok, right? That I said that? I mean, I didn't swear _at_ you or anything."

Jess feigned seriousness. "Son, go fetch me a belt."

Jeremy blushed and laughed, and Jess smiled at him, thinking about how young the boy looked sometimes.

"It's fine, Jeremy. I'm not looking to tell you what you can and can't say. I think anything's ok as long as you're not trying to hurt me or someone else with it."

Jeremy nodded. "Ok."

"And, today was such a good day and I'm feeling so happy that you're mine, that I'm pretty sure you could get away with anything right now."

"Hmm." Jeremy pretended to consider. "So, now's a good time to ask for a pony, huh?"

"You can aim higher than that. Make it a unicorn."

Jeremy grinned. "I would, but I've already got everything I need right here."

Jess quirked up one corner of his mouth. "I'm pretty sure that's supposed to be my line."

Jeremy smiled and took the few steps to close the gap between them, wrapping his arms around Jess's waist, resting his chin on his shoulder, and squeezing tightly. "Thank you, Jess."

Jess barely had time to hug back before Jeremy pulled away. Jess watched the boy through damp eyes. "Goodnight, Dad."

"Goodnight, Jeremy."


	31. Chapter 31 - Parents' Night

**Chapter 31 Notes:** Jess attends parents' night at school, and Jeremy ponders his future. Thanks for all the reviews and comments for the last chapter. The scenes related to Jeremy's adoption meant a lot to me, and so did seeing your feedback on that section. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jess was standing behind the counter at the bookstore with a notepad and pen, working on his to do list for the first guest author event he was planning. He had two authors lined up, so far, a fledgling novelist from western Massachusetts and a naturalist poet from Vermont, both of whom he had worked with at Truncheon. The majority of the authors in his network were from New York or Philadelphia and Jess had focused on these two believing that their New England sensibilities would be better received in Stars Hollow. Both were immensely talented in his opinion, but were having issues launching their careers. Jess had gotten their contact info from Matt and both had agreed to a reading and book signing event at the store in early March. Jess wanted to fill one more spot, and was debating asking Taylor to talk about his book. He knew it was ridiculous on so many levels, but it kept with the theme of small town New England and there was no denying that as much as people complained about the man, without fail, the town turned out for Taylor's events. Jess just wasn't sure how well he would be able to live with himself afterward.

He had been discouraged after his initial discussion with Andrew about introducing events to the store. He had pitched his ideas for hosting author readings, book club meetings, guest lecturers and book signing events. Andrew had listened attentively and then told Jess that he didn't want him to feel pressured to improve sales or bring in more customers. That Andrew himself was fine with how things currently were. But, he understood that Jess was young and from a creative industry and if Jess wanted to do these types of things for his own creative fulfillment, Andrew was fine with that, too, and would support him as best he could. It was the oddest conversation Jess could remember ever having with a boss, Andrew looking at him earnestly, and explaining that while he basically didn't care about increasing profits, he was willing to increase his expenses to benefit Jess's personal fulfillment. As with so many interactions with his employer, Jess couldn't help but think about Andrew losing his child. Jess hadn't really known the man previous to his loss except as someone from whom to purchase books, and Jess had to wonder how much the loss Andrew suffered had changed his perspective on everything. After Andrew had gone back to his office, Jess had stood at the register for a moment, a little stupefied and emotional, before returning to restocking the newest shipment of books. He had thought about how much fatherhood had changed his own outlook on life and he couldn't imagine how drastically losing Jeremy would alter his perspective even further. He had given up on the idea of hosting events for a while, figuring why make extra work for himself if Andrew didn't care either way. He had put his head down and focused on learning the business for weeks, but he had recently taken up the idea again and gotten Andrew's ok. Jess realized the man had been right, that he wanted this for himself and his own creative fulfillment.

Jess watched the door open and a customer enter the store pushing a baby stroller. Jess sighed, not in the mood for this particular interruption. "Hey, Rory." They had already run into each other at the diner this morning, during one of the breakfast shifts Jess was helping Luke with before work. They hadn't spoken much since Christmas a month and a half ago, and it had been awkward waiting on her at the diner. Especially when she had tried to leave a five-dollar tip for her meal. He knew it shouldn't have angered him the way it had. He knew she and Lorelai were supposed to follow the same rules at the diner that he and April had been following for over a decade. Luke's family ate free, but Luke insisted if they sat to eat and were served by anyone other than him, they needed to tip. Jess had put his hand on the five dollar bill as he cleared her plate and pushed it back toward her, trying to play if off humorously, telling her thank you, but he had a no tips from step-cousins policy.

Rory smiled as she lifted Leelee, dressed in a furry white onesie with cat ears protruding from the hood, from the stroller and held her against her side. "Look who it is, Leelee!" Rory spoke in a high voice to her daughter with exaggerated excitement. "It's the same guy who just served us breakfast at Grandpa's diner!" She smiled mischievously at Jess, then, and spoke with her voice modulated for adult ears. "Hey, I just realized something."

"Yeah?" Jess kept his voice neutral. "What's that?"

"So, you're working everywhere, right? You're here. You're driving all over town for Uber. You occasionally pop up as a server at the diner."

Jess didn't bother correcting her by saying he drove to Hartford to do most of his Uber driving. "Huh." Jess aimed for slightly amused nonchalance. "Thanks for the observation. I couldn't figure out why I've been so exhausted lately, but now it makes sense."

Rory laughed lightly. "You're Kirk!"

Jess frowned, annoyed at having his work life mocked by someone who was still volunteering her time at the Gazette when she felt like it and writing a memoir, earning no money from either endeavor while she and her daughter lived off her mother and his uncle. When she had arrived in Stars Hollow, she had been, by her own admission, too broke to buy underwear, and since she hadn't worked at a paying job a day since then, Jess could only surmise that either Lorelai and Luke were funding the daily needs of her and her daughter, or that she was receiving infusions of cash from her father, her grandmother or the blond dick. Either way, Jess didn't feel like she was in any place to be throwing stones at his economic situation. Jess tried to keep his voice casual and not let her know that she was getting to him. "Wow. A comparison to Kirk? It's like that, huh?"

Rory smiled, clearly oblivious to the effect her words had had on Jess. "Hey, the similarities are real. You walk into any business in this town and you have a fifty-fifty chance of being served by you or Kirk. Does Kirk know that he's got this kind of competition? I'd be careful if I were you. You can trust me from my experience competing against him in the dance marathon, Kirk will stop at _nothing_ to wipe out his competition." Rory smiled appreciatively at her own humor and it made Jess's annoyance shift into something stronger, but again, he kept it tamped down. He had had a whole lifetime of practice at keeping his emotions under the surface, and he knew he was competent at it. He also thought back to the dance marathon, the night Dean had dumped Rory and she and Jess had gotten together. He remembered how hopeful he had felt that night, talking to her on the bridge, thinking he would finally have something good in his life, something that would fix him and make him better. The memory of his naivety hit him hard enough to hurt. He hated how much baggage he ran into in this town on a regular basis.

He played along, keeping things friendly. "I'll have you know that Kirk has never worked at the diner. He tried, but it never happened. Luke has extremely high hiring standards."

"Ah, so you're marketing yourself as Kirk 2.0. Smart. I like it."

Jess smiled at her comment, but he realized he was over this. Their whole dynamic of Rory being playful with him when she needed attention or validation, while mentally storing their interactions to be thrown in his face as proof that he was still chasing her, when he really didn't believe he was. Not anymore. He could honestly say at this point, that between Jeremy and Luke and his three jobs, he never thought about Rory when he wasn't in the same room as her. At this point in his life, he knew relationships were hard enough without becoming involved with someone who had the history of cheating that Rory had. With him, on Dean. With Dean when he was married. Almost with him again, on the blond dick when she had come to Philly. He thought back to that night on the bridge after the dance marathon and how he hadn't let anything happen then, not until he had found Shane and ended things with her. He had seen the fallout from too many men cheating on Liz and treating her like shit during his childhood for cheating to ever be something that felt acceptable to him. Even at eighteen and in a casual relationship based mostly on sex, he had realized he owed Shane the respect of breaking things off with her before he started something new. Rory still hadn't learned that lesson by thirty-two. That was obvious by how she'd strung Paul along while sneaking around with the blond dick. He and Rory had basic differences when it came to how they treated people that made them incompatible, romantically, and possibly even as friends. He knew he wasn't perfect, that he hadn't been the best boyfriend to Charisse, hadn't supported her dream and helped her start a family and been the man she had deserved, but he also knew that Charisse had always trusted him to not cheat on her. That mattered to him, that he could be trusted like that. That part of their relationship had worked, and he wanted the same kind of trust with his next partner.

"I need to pay for college in the fall. I guess you do what you need to for your kid, right? If that makes me Kirk 2.0, so be it." He knew he hadn't kept his tone as light as he had wanted to when he watched confusion flash across Rory's face even as she held her smile in place.

"Ok. Well, we're going to go check out the kids' section-"

The phone rang and Jess excused himself to answer it.

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Jeremy was sitting at the kitchen table looking at his laptop, Winston curled up in his dog bed at his feet. Jeremy sighed as he read through the admissions information for another college in Hartford. The application deadline had already passed for that one, too. All the four year state colleges and universities he had looked at in Connecticut had application deadlines sometime during January, and it was already mid-February. He wished he had hadn't waited so long to look into this. He had finished the whole college application process early, having all his essays written and applications completed and submitted during the fall. Then everything had been so up in the air for a while. First they were moving to New York, then Jess lost his job, then they lost everything else in the fire and Jeremy hadn't been sure college would still be possible, then they moved to Stars Hollow. And all of Jeremy's college applications were now sitting on the desks, or in the computers, of admissions officers at schools in Pennsylvania that were anywhere from four to six hours away from his new home. Jeremy had applied to those schools because they were local. But, now they weren't, and he didn't want to be four to six hours away from Jess and Winston and Luke. He wanted to stay close by and have them in his day to day life and get to spend time with the rest of his family and deepen and cement his bonds here, before he was off on his own again.

The only Connecticut schools that were still accepting applications for the fall semester were community colleges. Jeremy didn't know if Jess would be ok with that. It would save them a ton of money, though, and he could always transfer to a four year school later. Jeremy was no longer a Pennsylvania resident and he wouldn't be a Connecticut resident until the second semester of his freshman year. He would be paying exorbitant out of state rates no matter where he went. The same would be true for the community college, but the out of state rates there weren't nearly as daunting, less than half of what they were at the state colleges and universities. He didn't know if this would be enough of a selling point for Jess. Or, if Jess would be at all swayed by Jeremy's preference to stay close to home next year.

He kind of got the impression that Jess wasn't taking his concerns over going away to college seriously. The man had pretty much shut down when Jeremy had raised the issue at lunch after his adoption. Jess probably thought he was being a baby about not wanting to leave home, or worse, that he was being ungrateful about the opportunity Jess was working so hard to give him. And, he wasn't. Jeremy felt extremely grateful for everything Jess was doing to help him go to college. But, he was so grateful for everything else, too. The time Jess spent with him, the way he always listened when Jeremy needed to talk or hugged him when he needed a hug, the family and the home he had given him, Jeremy's first in such a long time. Jeremy wasn't ready to give any of that up yet. The thought hit him then, that maybe Jess was. Maybe Jess's desire for him to go to college wasn't strictly about Jeremy's education. Kids, even biological kids, were supposed to turn eighteen, graduate high school and move out. Maybe that was what Jess expected and wanted for his own reasons. He knew Jess loved him, but that didn't necessarily mean that the guy wanted Jeremy hanging around for another year after high school. Jess had given up a lot of things to have Jeremy in his life, and he might want the chance to get them back. Like dating. Or writing. Or getting his own apartment. Or getting out of Stars Hollow.

Jeremy heard the key in the lock and watched Winston rouse himself from his nap and slowly get to his feet to greet Jess. It made Jeremy think about how old Winston was, and the idea of not getting to be with his dog for the time he had left brought the unexpected feeling of impending tears. Jeremy did his best to quickly blink back the moisture in his eyes before Jess noticed.

"Hey, buddy! How's my good boy?" Jeremy watched Jess crouch to pet Winston, the dog angling his nose up into Jess's face in greeting. Jeremy smiled at the sight, thinking about how much he loved both of them.

"So, should I take it personally that you always say hi to Winston before you say hi to me?"

Jess gave Winston one final head rub and then stood up with a grin. "Hey, no one's stopping you from greeting me at the door, too." Jeremy was amazed on a daily basis by Jess's ability to work twelve hour days dealing with the public and still manage to always come home with a smile for his family. Jess walked over to Jeremy, gently cupped the side of his head with one hand and dropped a kiss on top of his hair. Jeremy would miss this so much.

"How was your shift? Any crazy stories?" It was ten thirty and Jess was getting home from his third job of the day, driving for Uber after he had finished at the bookstore and helped Luke out that morning. He didn't usually drive on the days he worked breakfast shifts, but he had texted Jeremy from the bookstore that afternoon to see if he minded if he picked up a few rides that night. They had agreed that Jess would stop driving and head home around ten when Jeremy had expressed his concern for Jess's safety after reading a story a couple of weeks ago about an Uber driver who had been beaten and robbed while driving in New York late at night.

"No, nothing crazy tonight. All courteous, well-behaved passengers." Jeremy suspected that Jess had started toning down his stories after he had realized how worried his driving job made Jeremy. Jess squeezed Jeremy's shoulder and headed into the kitchen. He usually came home hungry.

"I made veggie chilli. There's some left in the fridge." Jeremy called after him.

"And, that's why you're my favorite kid." Jeremy watched Jess pull open the refrigerator door, disappear behind it, and emerge with the covered glass container of chilli. "This looks great, Jeremy. Thank you."

Jeremy thought about bringing up his trepidation over going away to college and the possibility of staying with Jess for another year, but decided that no one wanted to be hit with someone else's problems as soon as they walk in the door after a long day. And, Jess had had an exceptionally long day. He knew he couldn't put the conversation off forever, but he convinced himself this wasn't the right time. "Is it ok with you if I work more shifts at the diner?"

Jess scooped some chili into a bowl and opened the door to the microwave, the only real update he had made to Luke's apartment, and turned to Jeremy with a puzzled look on his face. "You want to work more shifts?"

"Yeah. I only work two nights during the week. I want to do more than that. It's not right that you worked three jobs today and I didn't work at all."

Jess frowned as he stood by the microwave, waiting for his dinner to heat up. "School is your job. You have homework and studying. You need time for that."

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah, but, it's the last semester of high school. The teachers are going pretty easy on us. I can usually get my homework done during my study period at school. And, all my college apps are out. I really don't think I can mess anything up at this point."

"How much more do you want to work?"

"As much as Luke will let me, I guess."

"Have you talked to him about this?"

"Yeah. I asked him yesterday. He said I needed to check with you. He got kind of uncomfortable, too, like he didn't think it was a good idea, but he didn't want to say that."

Jess sighed and Jeremy felt guilty for wrecking his father's good mood when he was only trying to help. "Well, he probably sees this as the first step in you following in my footsteps. What about baseball season? Won't that be starting up soon?"

Jeremy shrugged. "Yeah, in March."

"Ok. I'm fine with you working as much as you, and Luke, decide, as long as you stick to weekend shifts only once you're playing baseball. Does that sound fair?"

"Yeah, that sounds fair. Thanks."

"Sure." Jess carried his warmed bowl of chili to the table and sat down across from his son.

"Hey, Dad?"

"Hey, Son." Jeremy watched Jess smile into his chili. It amused Jeremy that Jess never seemed to tire of that joke, but he kind of liked that it had become their thing, too.

"What do you think you're going to do next year?" Jeremy asked.

Jess lifted a spoonful of chili to his mouth and ducked his head to blow on it, looking up at Jeremy in confusion. "What do I think I'm going to do next year about what?"

Jeremy shrugged and shifted his eyes back to his laptop for a minute, looking back up to see Jess chewing thoughtfully. "Just in general. Like, after I go to college. Are you still going to stay in Stars Hollow?"

"Oh. Well, yeah. I probably am. I'll probably stay right here, for a while at least, keep working at the bookstore, keep driving for Uber. Hopefully Jenya will be able to take her breakfast shifts back after this semester, but other than that, I'm thinking I'm going to do pretty much the same thing I've been doing this year." Jess was studying Jeremy carefully. "Why do you ask, Jeremy?" Jess smiled then, but Jeremy noticed it didn't reach his eyes. "You worried your dear old dad will have nothing to do once you're gone? That me and Winston will just be sitting here, moping around in an empty apartment?"

"No, of course not." Jeremy felt himself getting embarrassed at Jess's assumption. "I was just curious. I know you don't like it here as much as I do, and I was just wondering if you were going to stay. That's all."

Jess nodded. "Stars Hollow isn't exactly my top choice of places to live, but I'm loving the free rent. That's what's going to make it possible for me to pay for your college. So, yeah. I have no plans to give my current deal up anytime soon." Jess paused. "You ok, Jeremy? You seem a little down tonight."

"I'm ok. I was just thinking."

Jess nodded seriously. "Fair enough. But, just know that you don't need to worry about me when you go off to college. I'll miss you like crazy, but I'll be all right. Honestly. Ok?"

Jeremy nodded, pushing down his emotions before he could embarrass himself. "Yeah. Ok."

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Jess fidgeted in the uncomfortable chair, took a small sip from the paper cup of coffee in his hand before placing it on the beige desk in front of him. He took in the periodic table of elements on the wall, along with several dilapidated posters displaying quotes from the usual suspects of notable authors, Shakespeare, Twain, Hemingway. The same guys that had decorated the walls back when he was in high school. The very same posters as the last time he was in this room for all he knew. He focused his attention on the speaker at the front of the classroom and tried not to have flashbacks about his own time in this school. The teacher at the front of the class was talking about the school's honors math program and Jess was bored. He idly wished he had brought a book to read, then smiled, amused at how little he had changed. The speaker must have noticed because she shot a small frown in Jess's direction, making him think about how little the whole situation had changed. There were four other teachers in chairs lined up against the dry erase board on the side of the classroom, and they had all taken their turns to speak already. Jess felt a measure of relief that this must be the last speaker he would need to sit through. Then on to the one on one's with Jeremy's teachers. He imagined those would be brief for him since his kid was pretty perfect. He smiled again at his own humor, but this time masked it behind his coffee cup as he took another sip. It all felt like overkill. This room was full of the parents of seniors. At this point, he was pretty sure they were all clear on how school worked and would prefer to only get called in if there was an issue. Jess was only here because it was his first parents' night and he didn't want to let Jeremy down by not showing up.

"Ok, parents, we just have one more speaker for you this evening. She was tied up putting out a fire, but I think I hear her coming down the hallway now." Jess obediently listened and could hear footsteps moving quickly in their direction, before a smiling, Asian woman hurried into the room. "Most of you already know her, but let me introduce your students' guidance counselor, Ms. Howard."

Jess watched the woman walk in and was hit with a feeling he hadn't felt in a long time, and hadn't really been sure he was capable of feeling again. It took him back to the night he met Charisse. He had been at a bar with Chris and Matt. Chris's girlfriend had ended up at the same bar while she was out meeting a friend and joined them at their table while she waited for her friend to show up. When Charisse had walked in, Jess had felt something visceral, something more than just physical attraction for a beautiful woman in well-fitting jeans, her brown skin glowing against her cream colored off the shoulder top, her expression an engaging mix of confidence and warmth. He had been hit with an intense longing, the need for something he hadn't consciously thought was missing from his life. Her. This beautiful woman in front of him. And, when Chris's girlfriend had made introductions, when their eyes had locked and their hands had touched as they shook across the table, Jess had known she felt something, too. He remembered walking her back to her apartment that night, saying goodbye on her stoop like a gentleman, asking her out for that weekend, and spending a sleepless night anticipating seeing her again and also scared to death of messing up something he wanted so badly. Jess didn't believe in love at first sight. Of course, he didn't. He was a realist. But, he did believe in following his gut. It had been right with Charisse. And, to a lesser extent with Rory, when he had wandered into her bedroom to get away from the adults when he had been at Lorelai's house for dinner, and he had gotten the first glimpse of the girl who had ended up being his first love, the one he had been sure could save him. He felt that his gut could be trusted.

Jess's visual attention was focused on Ms. Howard as she walked to the front of the room and addressed the parents, but he knew he was missing a lot of what she was saying. Ms. Howard. This had to be the Mallory Howard that Jeremy had met at the diner, who had gone to school with Jess. He hadn't put the name together with the only Asian girl other than Lane around their age in school. It's likely he had never known this girl's name in high school and had just seen her in the hallways. He was pretty sure Jeremy had mentioned her being a year younger than him. Jess tried to focus. He took in the earnestness in the woman's voice as she spoke about guiding her students toward college, the promise she saw in each and every one of Stars Hollow's graduating seniors, the warmth of her optimism as she talked about sending each of their children out into the world with the confidence to be productive and compassionate adults. The more he watched her and heard her speak, the more captivated he felt himself becoming. He wanted this woman in his life. He made sure to mentally classify the longing as 'want' instead of 'need' this time, knowing he was an adult and a dad and he didn't 'need' a woman to fix him or make him happy. His stomach dropped as it hit him that as Jeremy's guidance counselor, this woman was off-limits to him even if she was otherwise available.

The individual meetings with teachers were optional and Jess stayed even though he doubted he would learn anything knew about his son from these teachers who had only known the boy for a month. He wanted to give Jeremy the full experience. A kid who worked as hard at school as he did deserved to have his parent come home from parents' night and report back how great his teachers thought he was. Jess was waiting alone outside Ms. Kendall's classroom, the last parent waiting for his turn to speak to Jeremy's English teacher, when Ms. Howard walked by. Jess looked up with a smile at the woman and she stopped in front of the folding chair he was sitting on.

"Mr. Mariano?"

"Uh, yes." Jess stood and extended his hand. "Jess Mariano. Jeremy's dad."

They shook and Jess felt something, not the electric charge he had felt when he first touched Charisse, but something. He wondered if he was just older and better at managing his expectations now.

She smiled at him, and Jess felt it inside. "I figured from the last name. Although, you guys look about as similar as me and my dad do. He's Jewish, but the Korean genes on my mom's side trumped his."

"Oh, Jeremy's adopted." Jess was instantly pissed at himself, knowing that Jeremy had wanted to change his name before school started so that he wouldn't have to explain his situation, and here he was, spilling the private details of his kid's life to the first pretty woman who smiled at him. "Oh, uh, I shouldn't have told you that. I don't know why I said that. Jeremy's really private. I don't think he wants anyone at school to know, unless he decides to tell them himself. Can you maybe not say anything to anyone else? The adoption is still new…"

"No worries, Mr. Mariano!" She smiled cheerfully, and Jess found himself trusting her to keep his son's confidence. "Jeremy actually told me himself during one of our meetings."

"Huh. He did?" Jess was surprised to hear that and it must have shown on his face.

Ms. Howard smiled playfully at him. "Yes, he did. Don't look so shocked. I'm the guidance counselor. People tell me stuff. It's what I'm here for."

"Huh." Jess repeated again, thinking that Jeremy must have gotten as good a feeling off this woman as he did for him to share the details of his life with her. Then he realized he had just said 'huh' twice in a row and worried that he couldn't be making anywhere near as good an impression on her as she was on him. He sighed. He had forgotten how stressful this could be.

"So, I just wanted to come by and say hello. I'm not sure if you remember me, but we went to school together. I was a year behind you."

"Yeah, of course. I remember seeing you around."

"I was pretty hard to miss as one of the only two Korean girls in school." Her smile was open and warm, not bitter. "And, we had European History together when you were a senior and I was a junior."

Jess tried to think. "We did?"

Ms. Howard laughed. "We did. Although, if I remember correctly, I attended class a bit more often than you did."

Jess felt his face warming and he wondered if he was blushing the way Jeremy always did. He wasn't normally embarrassed by his past behavior anymore, but he somehow felt thrown off in front of this woman who was an educator and his son's guidance counselor. High school dropout was not the aspect of his identity that he wanted to lead with in this situation.

"Uh, yeah." Jess chuckled lightly. "I guess I wasn't really great at attendance back in high school. But, I promise, I watched every episode of the Tudors on Netflix to make up for it and you know, see how everything turned out over in Europe." Jess gave her his most charming, 'hey look at me, I'm effortlessly fun and witty and not too hard on the eyes' smile, and he really hoped he didn't sound like he was trying too hard.

Ms. Howard's laugh seemed authentic, and Jess felt a measure of relief. Jess thought he heard a door open, but didn't turn away from her to look. He barely registered a couple walking by them in the hallway talking softly, heard a throat being cleared in the background.

"I think it's your turn, Mr. Mariano." Ms. Howard tilted her head to the side, and Jess followed, turning his head to find an older woman at the open classroom door, smiling broadly at them.

"Ok, who's next?" She asked pleasantly, as if Jess hadn't been making her wait as he stood in the hallway like a clown staring the guidance counselor as if he'd never seen a woman before.

"Oh, uh, sorry. That would be me." Jess turned back to the guidance counselor. "It was nice to see you again, Mallory."

Her smile made him grin. "You too, Mr. Mariano."

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Jeremy was wiping down the counter in the almost empty diner and looking up at the door every so often. He knew it was lame to be eager to hear what his teachers said about him, but he was. He had never had anyone go to his school's parents' nights before and he was interested to hear how it went. Luke walked out of the kitchen and glanced around the dining room. "No Jess yet?"

"Nope." Jeremy thought of something from earlier. "Hey, Uncle Luke, when Lorelai was in here today she told me to ask you about bagel hockey the next time it was slow. What does that even mean?"

Luke sighed. "It means my wife enjoys driving me crazy, and now she's trying to enlist my great-nephew to help her."

Before Jeremy could ask a follow up question, the bell above the door chimed and they both turned to see Jess walking in.

"Hey Jess!" Luke said. "How did it go?" Jeremy liked knowing that Luke was interested, too.

Jess walked up to the counter and took a seat across from his son and uncle. "It was great. I don't know why you always complained whenever you had to go to my school when I lived with you. Parents night is pretty great. You show up and everyone tells you how amazing your kid is. What's not to like?"

Luke laughed. "Yeah, that's exactly how I remember it, nephew." Jeremy smiled at Luke's sarcasm.

Jeremy watched Jess shrug playfully. The man seemed really happy, and Jeremy wondered how parents night could have put him in such a good mood. "Not sure what to tell you, Luke. I guess you should have had a kid as good as mine."

Luke scoffed. "Yeah, it was clearly my fault that all my meetings at that school were awful."

"Looks like." Jess agreed, nodding seriously.

"Well, at least he had April." Jess pointed out. "So, he had one kid that teachers liked."

"Wow, my own son is turning on me now, too!" Jess frowned, pretending to be hurt.

"Looks like." Luke smiled, pleased with himself. "Hey, you want dinner, or you too busy being a smart-ass?"

"Sure. I'll have whatever's easiest. I forgot how much of an appetite a guy can work up listening to teachers drone on and on…..and on….."

"Thanks for going, anyway." Jeremy said.

"Hey, I'm your dad, it's my job. And, it was my pleasure, Jeremy. It really was pretty cool hearing all those teachers saying good things about my smart little school nerd."

Jeremy smiled. "Yeah?" Jeremy asked, not wanting to look like he was fishing for compliments, but curious as to what had been said about him.

'Yeah. They all think you're pretty great over there." Jess smirked playfully, and Jeremy wondered if his father's good mood was solely attributable to parents' night going smoothly or if something else had happened earlier in his day. "I had to set 'em straight and tell them how you snore like a rusty chainsaw and put the orange juice container back in the fridge with only a sip left."

Jeremy smiled at Jess's ridiculousness. "Um, those are both you."

"They are?" Jess feigned seriousness and Jeremy smiled, thinking about his first impression of Jess and how the man had turned out to be so much sillier and more fun than Jeremy had expected. His dad was fun. Jeremy still liked thinking things like that. His dad. "Huh. Interesting. I guess I'm not as good a catch as I thought I was."

Luke laughed and patted one palm against the counter before turning to walk away. "I'm going to leave you two to your nonsense. I'll be right back with your dinner."

"Do you want to hear what they said about you?" Jess was grinning at Jeremy.

Jeremy nodded his head, smiling. "Sure."

Jess started to pull off his jacket. "Well, I'll start with Ms. Valdez. She had glowing things to say about you. And that lady was teaching when I was at that school and as I recall, she wasn't the happiest camper back then. I don't think I ever saw her smile. So, you must have really won her over because-"


	32. Chapter 32 - A Snowy Weekend

**Chapter 32 Notes:** Thanks for all the great feedback and suggestions you guys have been sending me. I really appreciate hearing all your thoughts on this story. This chapter features a snowy day and some time with Liz's family.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jess was spending a snowy evening at home, comfortable in Luke's armchair with a book in his hand, a cup of tea on the coffee table and Winston curled up on the floor by his feet when he felt a nudge against the outside of his thigh. He looked down to see that Jeremy's feet, clad in thick wool socks, had wedged themselves between his leg and the arm of the chair. Jess glanced over at his son, who was ostensibly still focused on his own book, but wearing a small smirk on his face. Jess gave one foot a light pat and rested his hand on the top of it, rubbing it gently with his thumb as he continued to stare at his own book.

"You run out of room over there, on that whole couch you've got all to yourself?" Jess asked.

Jeremy's smirk widened, but he still didn't look up. "My feet were cold. And, there was such a cozy looking spot right next to you that you didn't seem to be using."

"Huh." Jess leaned forward to pull the afghan off the back of the chair he was sitting on. He covered Jeremy's feet and lower legs with it before resting his hand back on the boy's blanket covered feet, holding one foot gently, as he returned his attention to his book. "That better?"

"Yeah, that's nice. Thanks."

Jess shot a furtive glance at his son, small smile on the boy's face, eyes still trained on his book. Jess loved moments like this, when neither of them were working, and they were cozy at home, together. He especially loved it when Jeremy behaved like a normal kid, comfortable enough with Jess to have his own opinion or invade his physical space like this. Jess had come home from the bookstore to find Jeremy in his room with a book. Jess had asked if Jeremy wanted to order pizza and pull out the Scrabble board since it seemed like the perfect night for it, but Jeremy had said he was in a really good place in his book and asked if Jess would mind if he kept reading instead. Jess knew he probably hadn't hidden his disappointment well because the boy had smiled warmly at him and said maybe they could both read in the living room if Jess wanted. Jess had wanted. He had ended up making grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner while Jeremy had heated up tomato soup on the stove and afterwards they had gotten comfortable in the living room and had been reading and drinking tea in companionable silence since.

Jess often felt torn between working as many hours as possible to pay for college, and spending time with Jeremy. Lately, it had been easy to blame the winter weather conditions for not going out driving for Uber more often, but he knew deep down that he really just wanted to spend more time with his kid. The boy seemed to have made a couple of casual friends. Had gone bowling with a group of kids from school one night and to a movie with a girl named Cassidy on another, an outing he had claimed wasn't a date when Jess asked. But, Jeremy was still either home or at the diner more nights that he was anywhere else. And, Jess wanted to capitalize on that while he still could, before Jeremy's downtime was spent in a dorm room in Pennsylvania hours away. Jess was going to miss nights like this. He wanted to make sure he took in all the details. He wanted to be able to store this moment away in his mind, and bring it out later when he was alone to feel how he felt right now, safe and content and loved. He wiggled Jeremy's foot back and forth a couple of times to see if he could get the boy to look up, but all he got was another smirk while the boy stayed focused on the novel in front of him.

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Jess was driving Jeremy over to Liz's to spend time with his grandparents and Doula. The snow had stopped overnight, but there was enough accumulation to build a snowman, which was what Liz and TJ had invited Jeremy over to do with Doula. Liz had of course invited Jess, too, but the streets had been plowed and the sun was shining brightly by the time Jeremy had finished his early shift at the diner and Jess had begged off with the excuse that he was going to pick up some rides for Uber since he figured there would be a lot of people with errands to run who wouldn't want to shovel out their cars in the snow.

"You're going to stay in this area today, right?" Jeremy asked. Jess hated that him driving made Jeremy nervous.

"I'll do my best. I can't really control where my passengers want to go, though."

"But, you don't have to take every ride, right? I mean, you can stay out of the city if you want to."

"Jeremy." Jess tried to sound reassuring. "No one has ever asked me to drive them to New York before. I really doubt it's going to happen for the first time on a day like this."

Jess glanced over at Jeremy in the passenger seat and saw the boy frowning. "I meant Hartford."

Jess laughed. "Seriously, kid, you've really become a Stars Hollow townie if you're referring to Hartford as 'the city.' I wouldn't repeat that in public if I were you."

"Hartford _is_ a city." Jeremy insisted, still frowning. "And, the roads are dangerous today. There could be black ice. And, I don't know…..I worry about you, ok?"

"Wow, you really sound like Luke right now."

"I am totally fine with that comparison." Jess could hear a hint of humor in Jeremy's tone now and he knew the boy was getting close to letting the topic go.

"I will do my best to stay local. How's that? If I pick up someone with tickets for the matinee show of a live performance in Hartford, I'll try to talk them into hitting the Black, White and Read theater for some driver's ed crash videos instead. If I pick up a couple headed to their anniversary dinner at a swanky restaurant in Hartford, 'the city,' if you will, I'll convince them to check out the chow mein sandwich at Al's Pancake World instead. And if I get a passenger headed to one of the museums in Hartford, I'll drive them over to Kirk's mom's house, so they can look at the creepy diorama that he salvaged from the Stars Hollow musical and set up in the basement. Does that sound like a plan?"

"You're making fun of me." Jeremy didn't sound hurt, more like someone stating the obvious, and it made Jess laugh.

"No, I'm not." Jess waited a beat, then grinned. "Ok, maybe just a little."

"You don't have to take every call. You've told me that yourself."

"Jeremy, c'mon. I'll be fine." Jess hated that Jeremy was looking at a beautiful, sunny, snow-covered day like this and was only seeing reasons to worry.

"And you're sure you have to work today? I mean, I think your mom would really appreciate it if you came over, too. So would Doula. I think Liz was kind of sad the last time, when I went over without you."

"Huh. Emotional manipulation to try to convince me to spend time with Liz. Now, you sound _exactly_ like Luke! The resemblance is uncanny! If you put on a backward baseball cap right now, I would not be able to tell you guys apart." Jess laughed, trying to lighten the mood, but Jeremy's expression had reverted to its former serious frown.

"I wasn't manipulating. I was just saying." Jeremy defended himself. "I know you guys have issues from when you were a kid….." Jeremy trailed off, sounding unsure. "But, I think she's changed. I mean, I know she's kind of…...out there, but she's nice now. I can tell she has a good heart and that she really loves you."

"Wow, I hope Liz is paying you well for the PR campaign you're running for her."

Jeremy sighed. "I'm just saying. You still have a mother. That's all."

Jess schooled his expression into concerned seriousness, knowing this would always be Jeremy's trump card in arguments with anyone who didn't appreciate their parents. He reached out a hand to the boy's knee, squeezing gently before he pulled back. Jess gentled his voice. "I'll come in and say hi when I pick you up, ok?"

Jeremy nodded. "Ok. And, you'll be careful, right? I worry about you. I only just got a dad….."

"I know. I will be very careful. I promise."

They drove in silence for a few moments before Jeremy spoke. "Jess, do you ever think about college?"

Jess laughed. "Only everyday. Why do you think I'm heading out to work right now?"

"Um, because you think it's a valid excuse to not hang out with your mother." Jeremy was smirking when Jess turned to look at him. "Did I get it right?"

"No, smartass. I'm heading out to work so that I can help pay for college. So, to answer your question, yes, of course, I think about college."

"I know you think about college for me, but I meant, like….." Jeremy voice became more hesitant. "Do you ever think about college for you?"

Jess glanced quickly at Jeremy before putting his eyes back on the road. "What are you talking about?"

Jess saw Jeremy shrug in his peacoat out of the corner of his eye. "I don't know. I'm just curious, I guess. I mean, I know that was the reason that…..things happened the way they did at Truncheon…." Jeremy sounded nervous now, like he was worried he might have offended Jess.

"I lost my job because I didn't go to college." Jess felt a familiar tension creep into his neck and shoulders at the memory. "It's ok, Jeremy. You can say it."

"So, because that happened, I just wonder sometimes if you would be using this time to go to college yourself if you didn't have me…... Do you ever think about going back to school?"

Jess felt an unexpected lump form in his throat, and he tried to swallow the feeling down. Jess was about to respond with a definite no, that he did not think about going back to school. But, the truth was that he did. Every so often. When he was thinking about his life, often during a sleepless night, worrying about what his future would look like without the perfect opportunity he had been fortunate enough to find at Truncheon, and wondering about his limited career options and whether he would ever get back to anywhere near where he had been in Philadelphia without a degree. But, not at Jeremy's expense. Jeremy might be right, that school was something Jess would have considered seriously if he didn't have Jeremy to support and put through college. But, he did. And, he couldn't afford to do both. So, it was a moot point. Luke had offered to support him through college as a teenager if he could make it through high school and again in his twenties when Luke had thought he might have cancer. Jess had had two chances at college and squandered them both. It was Jeremy's turn now. And he didn't want the boy to feel guilty. He chose to deflect the question with sarcasm rather than out and out lie. "Oh, c'mon. Can you honestly see me in college? I'm way too old. And I was never all that good at studying even when I was in high school. Ask Luke."

Jeremy's frown was deepening. "You're not too old. You're only thirty-three. Lots of people older than you go back to college."

Jess changed course. "Can I just tell you how adorable I think it is that you want your dad to go to college with you, Jeremy? Maybe we could be roommates! I could sit next to you in class and cheat off you during tests, steal your girlfriends, do all the fun college stuff I've seen in the movies. Hey, do think they'd let me pledge a sorority?"

"Stop it. I'm being serious and you're blowing me off. I hate when you do that."

Jess hated the hurt he heard in Jeremy's voice. He sighed. He really didn't want to have this conversation, but he didn't want to spend the rest of the day feeling like an ass either. "I'm sorry, Jeremy."

"And, I don't like it when you put yourself down. It's not ok. You wouldn't need to cheat off me if you went to college."

Jess nodded, feeling properly chastised. "You're right." Jess pulled the car to the side of the road in the shoveled out space in front of Liz and TJ's driveway and turned to face his son. "I'm sorry for that, too. To answer your question. I think about college once in a while. Just as a passing thought. Nothing serious. I had my chance, ok? I was too dumb to take it, and I can make do with my life as it is. But, right now, these next four years are about getting you through college. Nothing else. Do you understand me?"

Jeremy nodded, slowly and hesitantly, as if to acknowledge that he knew, but wasn't happy about it.

"Can I get a hug before you go in?" Jess leaned toward his son and Jeremy met him halfway, letting himself be pulled into a tight, if awkward, embrace above the gear shift. "I love you, kid."

"I love you, too, Dad."

Jeremy pulled back first and Jess let him go. "Have fun with your grandparents and Doula. Tell them I'll be back in two or three hours, ok?"

"Ok." Jeremy smiled then, and Jess could see some mischievousness there.

"What?"

"Nothing. I'm just not sure why you think you'd be stealing my girlfriends in college when I'm the only one who's even been on a date since I came to live with you." Jeremy's smile had turned into a full-on smirk.

"Oh, wow! It's like that, huh?" Jess smiled back, glad to see his kid in a playful mood again. "I really hope no one sneaks up on you in two or three hours and whales you in the face with a snowball!"

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Jess knocked again, and was about to give up and head around back when he heard Liz yelling inside, something he couldn't make out, except for the 'sweetie' at the end, which meant, she could be addressing him or Doula, or maybe even Jeremy at this point. The door opened and Liz greeted him with a smile. "There's my kid!" Liz closed the door behind him and stepped toward him with her arms out and Jess let himself be hugged briefly before taking a step back. "C'mon in, Jess." Jess followed Liz from the entryway in the front hall into the kitchen. He could see Jeremy through the window, bundled up and out in the backyard with TJ and Doula, one small snow person looking complete while they worked on a second one beside it.

"How have you been?" Jess couldn't remember the last time he had been alone with his mother, without Luke or even TJ as a buffer. He forgot the awkward feeling of a bond that should be strong, but just wasn't. He had thought he had gotten to a decent place with Liz a couple of years ago, that he had moved on from their shared past and would be able to peacefully coexist, to live and let live. He had read somewhere that having a child made people become more forgiving of their parents' mistakes as they started making their own, but Jess had found the opposite to be true. Having Jeremy in his life, so young and vulnerable and wanting to be loved, if anything had made Jess recognize the true magnitude of his mother's wrongdoing. He couldn't imagine treating Jeremy the way she had treated him as a kid, or even worse, allowing someone he dated to treat Jeremy how so many of Liz's boyfriends had treated him. Fatherhood had made him even less understanding of how Liz could have looked at him as a child and not wanted to do anything in her power to protect someone so small and vulnerable.

She smiled brightly. "I've been good, Sweetie. Very good. I had a Reiki session this week to get my chakras rebalanced, and I'm feeling very healthy and clear right now, and just very attuned to the world around me, you know? Like, I've been picking up on vibes and details that aren't always in focus for me. It's been great. Very eye-opening. I really needed it."

Jess forced himself not to roll his eyes. "That's great."

She nodded earnestly. "It is. It really is. Hey, do you want a cup of tea?" Liz lifted the tea kettle off the stove and walked over to the sink, filling it with water. "You know, you should try it sometime. I think you would really benefit from it." Jess assumed they were back on the Reiki and that she wasn't recommending that he give tea a try. "And, I was telling Jeremy about my session earlier, and he seemed very interested. You two should both go and get your chakras rebalanced. It will change your life and give you a whole new outlook. I promise you that. You want the number of my guy? I could get it for you."

"Uh, no thanks." Jess realized that Liz hadn't asked him how he was. Social niceties had always been lost on her. He took a deep breath and tried not to let it bother him. "I'm good, too. Mostly just working and hanging out with Jeremy."

"That's great, Sweetie. Jeremy was telling us about the adoption. It sounds like it was a beautiful day." Liz was holding the forgotten tea pot with two hands, one on the handle and one cradling the base of the kettle.

"It was a good one, that's for sure."

"I hadn't realized Luke was going to be there for it." Jess watched Liz's smile fade, and he felt preemptively angry and got ready to defend himself.

"That was who Jeremy wanted there. He's very close to Luke. It was his choice."

"Oh, I know." Liz nodded, her expression serious. "I know it was Jeremy's choice. Luke's crazy about him. I know they're close. It just made me a little sad to think that if it had been up to you, you would have made the same choice."

"That's not true. It ended up being really nice having Luke there, but if it had been up to me, I would have wanted it to be just me and Jeremy. But, it wasn't about what I wanted. It was about Jeremy."

Liz was studying him hard. "Ok. But, if you had had to pick one person to be there, you would have picked Luke not me, wouldn't you have? Every since I sent you to live with him, you've valued your relationship with him more than the one you have with me. And, it's ok. I get it. It used to bother me more, but I get it."

"Oh, yeah? What do you get?" Jess felt a guilt trip coming on and he was trying to remain calm and not let her get him angry.

"I wasn't always a very good mom to you. We aren't attached the way a mother and child should be. The way Lorelai and Rory are."

Jess hadn't expected the genuine sadness and regret he saw on his mother's face. He couldn't argue with what she said, but he wanted to give her something in exchange for her admission. "Well, I'm not exactly sure they're the poster family for healthy parent-child attachment either."

A small brief smile crossed Liz's lips. "I would kill to have with you what Lorelai has with Rory."

Jess didn't know what to say to that.

"I know I never will. And I do understand why. I'm sorry for how you grew up, Jess. for all the drinking and drugs. For all the men, especially the ones who didn't treat you very well. I know I've never really said that. And I should have, years ago. The older I get, the more I seem to reflect on my past. I was a mess for most of your childhood and I'm sorry. But, I'm better now, and I really want to be a part of your life."

"You are. You're my mother."

Liz gave him a sad smile. "It doesn't always feel like that. I'm not trying to make you feel bad. I know it's my fault. But, I want to do better. I'm glad you're back in Stars Hollow and that you're giving me this chance. I'm sorry I couldn't be for you the mom I am for Doula."

"I'm sorry you couldn't, too." Jess watched Liz's face fall, and he felt like he should explain himself. "Because I think you're a really good mom to Doula, that's all I meant."

"Thank you, Sweetie." Liz smiled at him again and Jess was surprised at the relief he felt that she didn't look sad anymore, just hesitant. "Are you going to go out and get Jeremy? They aren't done yet. I know because Doula hasn't come in to ask me for a scarf or a carrot and buttons yet."

"I have time. I'll let them finish." Jess started to take off his jacket.

"Jeremy's a really good kid, coming over here to play with Doula like this. Not every teenage boy would do that. And, she's just crazy about him."

"He really likes her, too."

"And, learning sign language like he's been doing. We all really appreciate that. He knows more every time we see him and he just really seems to care about making Doula feel comfortable. He's a good boy."

Jess nodded. "Yeah. Yeah, he's a good kid."

They stood in silence for a few moments. Jess watched the clock on the microwave log another minute, and wondered how many other people have moments this awkward with their mothers.

"Was there anything I did right, Jess? Do you have any good memories of me as a mom?"

Jess was a little caught off guard by the question, but he didn't need to rack his brain. "Yeah, of course." There was one memory that had been on his mind since Jeremy had come to live with him. "Remember the winter I was twelve and we lived in that apartment where that nasty smell came up the vents every time someone did laundry in the basement?"

Liz laughed. "That place was terrible. How could I forget?"

Jess thought about all the other terrible things she had forgotten from his childhood when she'd been drunk or high, but he pushed that thought aside and continued with his story. "You were going to AA and you were clean and you had sworn off men for at least a year."

Liz huffed out a shaky breath and Jess knew she was thinking about how short-lived both things had ended up being, a little over six months maybe, but nowhere near a year.

"I was really into Scrabble then, and we must have played a hundred times that winter. You'd make a cup of tea for you and a cup of hot chocolate for me and we'd sit on the floor in the living room because we didn't have a table, playing Scrabble and eating Pizza Rolls and Chips A'hoy cookies. Looking back now, I'm thinking you used to let me win, because I won almost every game, but at the time I just thought I was really good at Scrabble. I still think about that winter sometimes…..It's a good memory."

Liz's eyes were wet, and when she spoke her voice was a little off. "I don't think I had to let you win. I think you _were_ just really good at Scrabble. That's a good memory for me, too. Thank you, Sweetie."

"Sure." Part of Jess debated calling Liz 'mom' but in the end he couldn't make himself do it. It didn't feel right, and he knew he would only be doing it to make her happy. Jess gestured toward the tea kettle Liz was still holding. "You want me to get that tea while we wait for these guys?" Jess angled his head toward the backyard.

Liz looked down at the tea pot in her hand as if surprised it was still there. She looked up and smiled at her son. "You sit down, Jess. I'll get the tea. Doula and I made cookies last night. I'll grab us some of those, too."

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"Hey, guys. How goes the snowman building?" Jeremy watched Doula signing quickly with her gloved hands as she made a beeline toward Jess once they got inside, wrapping her arms around his waist in a quick hug before pulling back and continuing her rapid hand movements with a toothy grin on her face. Jeremy still had trouble keeping up when the girl was excited and signing this quickly.

"Sure." Jess was signing while he spoke. "I would love to see your snow people. Let me just throw my jacket on."

Jeremy watched Jess pull on his jacket as TJ walked in the door after him and Doula. "Hey, Jess! It's good to see you, kid." TJ clapped Jess on the arm. "You coming out to meet the snow kids? We built one Doula and one Jeremy. Excellent craftsmanship if I do say so myself. And, I do." TJ laughed loudly at his own humor.

Jeremy watched Jess listen to his stepfather. "I wouldn't miss it." Jess turned back to Doula and signed. "Lead the way." As they walked by Jeremy standing by the door, Jess smiled at him. "Are you coming out with us?"

Jeremy shook his head. "I'm going to stay inside with Grandma. It's getting cold out there."

"Ok. We'll be right back." Jess patted him on the arm before giving in to the tugging on his hand and following his little sister out the back door.

TJ pulled off his snow boots and left them by the door. Jeremy did the same as TJ announced he was going to go change his clothes and walked out of the room.

Liz turned to Jeremy then, with what he had come to think of as her nervous-mom smile, the one she used when she wanted to ask for something of Jess or ask Jeremy something about Jess. She never seemed to use it with Doula as far as Jeremy could tell. It was the look that made Jeremy's heart hurt for her the worst. The one that said she knew she had fucked up with Jess, as a mom, and she wasn't really sure where that left her now, or what she was allowed to ask her son for. "Did you have fun, Sweetie?"

Jeremy smiled. "Yeah. I had fun. TJ's a really good snowman, or sorry, snow person, builder."

Liz laughed. "He should be. He really gets into it. Once a few years ago, I caught him watching a YouTube video on how to make the perfect snowman. It was going to be the first winter he made one with Doula and he wanted to make sure everything went well. I think he wanted to impress her."

Jeremy smiled back. "That's really nice of him."

"Yeah, he's a good dad." Liz was studying him then. "Hey, why don't you take off your coat? You guys don't have to run right out the door. Maybe you could stay for dinner." There was something so overly casual about the request that it made Jeremy think she had been waiting to ask him alone and get his buy in before presenting the idea to Jess, to lower her odds of being rejected. "Would you be ok with that? I was just about to ask Jess when you guys came in."

Jeremy obediently took his coat off and hung it on the rack by the door, removing his hat and gloves as well. "I'm fine with it, as long as Jess is." He hoped Jess would agree to stay. He was having a good day, and he knew their staying for dinner would make Liz happy.

The back door burst open and Jess and Doula hurried inside and shut it. "Brrrr!" Jess made an exaggerated show of how cold it was for Doula's amusement. "It _is_ getting cold out there now!"

"Jess, Sweetie, Jeremy and I were just talking about you guys staying for dinner. What do you think about that?"

"Uh." Jess sought out eye contact with Jeremy before committing. Jeremy appreciated that Jess always checked with him before committing his time to something. He tried to look encouraging, nodding his head slightly to show he was fine with staying. "Ok, sure." Jess said. "Let me just call Luke and see if he can feed and walk Winston, but it shouldn't be a problem." Jeremy was sure Luke would help with Winston, especially if he knew that they were at Liz's house. Luke was always trying to subtly encourage Jess to spend time with Liz. "You know what I'm thinking?" Jess was speaking and signing to Doula now. "What about a game of Scrabble after dinner?"

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TJ had pulled out the Scrabble game and Jess was setting it up on the dining room table while Liz put away the leftovers in the kitchen. Jeremy had offered to help her, but she had told him that she had it under control. She had handed him a plate of cookies that looked homemade from the irregularity of their shapes and asked him to bring them out to everybody.

Jeremy was watching TJ, who was standing a few feet away from the table, signing silently with Doula. Jeremy was struck, not for the first time, by how cool it was that this family had their own, if not secret, at least not commonly understood language, that allowed them to have relatively private communication even in a crowd. He hoped he got good enough that he and Jess could have that, too. Jeremy wasn't trying to eavesdrop, but he made out the signs for nap and tired from TJ and saw a sad look on Doula's face. TJ had been his loud boisterous self outside, but he had become subdued at dinner, leaving most of the conversation to Liz and Jess. Jeremy wondered if his grandfather wasn't feeling well.

Liz joined them in the dining room and called over to TJ and Doula as she sat down across from Jess at one side of the table in front of an empty tray. "C'mon, you guys. We're ready to play!"

Doula came running in with a smile on her face while TJ followed in slowly behind her, stopping at the threshold to the room, signing as he spoke. "I think I'm just going to take a nap while you guys play, Lizzie. These two kids wore me out today."

"Oh, c'mon, Hon!" Liz was smiling at her husband, but Jeremy could hear the sincere pleading in her voice. "You can nap after Jess and Jeremy go home. How often do we all get to do something together like this?"

Jeremy became curious as he watched TJ shoot a quick glance at Jess, whose attention was on the game in front of him as he dug through the box for a pencil to go with the score pad. Liz noticed it, too, and frowned.

"You guys go ahead." TJ insisted. "It's only a four player game, anyway. I don't want to be in the way or anything."

Doula was signing rapidly to her father. "I'm ok." He signed back silently. Jeremy had missed Doula's question. "It's fine."

Without looking up from the score pad where he was writing out everyone's names across the top, Jess joined the conversation, his tone casually playful. "C'mon, TJ, don't be such an old man. I'm sure you can manage to keep your eyes open for a couple more hours. It doesn't matter that there's five of us. You can play on a team with someone."

Jeremy watched TJ break into a grin. "All right. You guys convinced me." TJ made his way over to the table, where he pretended he was going to sit on Jess's lap.

Jess looked up startled and pushed the man off him before he could actually sit down. Liz and Doula were laughing hysterically at TJ's antics, and Jeremy smiled as he watched them. "Jeez, TJ!" Even Jess was laughing through his annoyance.

"What?" TJ, still standing next to Jess's chair, feigned innocence, but winked toward his daughter and Jeremy with a smile as he signed and spoke. "I thought we should sit together if we're going to be a team. We can both see the letters that way."

"You're ridiculous!" Jess's expression was part amusement, part scowl, but Jeremy could tell the scowl was put on, a force of habit in dealing with his stepfather, and that there was no real heat behind it. "I meant someone else's team. Go be on your wife's team. If I remember correctly from when I was a kid, she could use the help."

Jeremy watched Jess meet Liz's eye across the table and share a smile with his mom.

Jeremy got a warm cozy feeling that all his families were getting along. He had come to think of his family in terms of subsets of people, little mini-families. His core family was Jess and Winston, with Luke in a category of his own, just beyond the core border. Then there was Luke's family that sometimes included just Luke and April and sometimes spread to Lorelai and Rory, as well. Then there was Liz's family with TJ and Doula. Each family started, from Jeremy's perspective, with Jess and rippled out to his other relatives. Jess was Jeremy's key person, his forever person, and he would always side with Jess against anyone, about anything. But, Jeremy was glad to see a break in tension between Jess and his grandparents. He knew it might be selfish, but he wanted as many family members and happy family moments as he could get, to make up for the last fifteen years of going without. He liked seeing Jess like this, happy and playful and enjoying Liz's family. He knew Jess had valid reasons from his childhood to hate Liz and exclude her from his life, but the woman Jeremy knew now seemed nice, if a little odd, and it was obvious she loved Jess and was sincerely interested in repairing her relationship with her son as best she could. And, Jeremy knew that no one was guaranteed a mother for any length of time and it would have hurt him to see Jess lose his without ever having let her make amends for his childhood. He loved Jess so much and wanted him to have all the good things he possibly could.

"Hey, Jeremy." Jess prodded him out of his thoughts, holding the maroon velvet bag of tiles out to him. "Pick to see who's first."

Jeremy smiled and reached into the bag.


	33. Chapter 33 - College Stress

**Chapter 33 Notes:** Baseball season starts and Jeremy hears from his first college. I hope you are all having a lovely holiday! Thanks for all the comments and feedback from the last chapter.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

"I hate this." Jess and Luke were seated at the far end of the top row of the bleachers along the first base side of the field. The few other people in attendance were all clustered along the bottom rows at the other end, but Jess had insisted on his personal space if he had to attend a Stars Hollow high school event. This was the home opener. They were at the park on the outskirts of Stars Hollow where the team played its home games because the school didn't have room for sports fields on its premises in the center of town.

"I'm pretty sure you mentioned that already." Luke said, his eyes on the field as another Stars Hollow player stepped into the batter's box. It wasn't Jeremy, so Jess couldn't have cared less about what was going on at the moment. "But, Jeremy's enjoying himself, so that's all that matters."

"Every time Jeremy comes home from practice and quotes that guy, it makes me want to throw him out the fucking window." Jess made his voice high and annoying. "Coach Forrester says I have natural instincts at second base. Coach Forrester says we should try to get in thirty minutes of conditioning every day, _in addition_ to practice. Coach Forrester says he's a giant fucking douchebag. It's fucking nauseating!"

Luke barked out a laugh. "I'm guessing the last one wasn't an actual quote." Luke shot Jess a concerned glance. "Hey, I hope you don't say anything stupid when Jeremy says that stuff."

"Of course, I don't! Give me a little credit here, Luke. I listen to my kid like a good parent, nod in all the right spots, say things like, 'that sounds like a good advice' or 'your coach seems to really know what he's talking about' all while wearing a shit-eating grin and focusing all my mental energy on not tossing Jeremy's skinny ass out the fucking window just to make the sound of that guy's name stop coming out of his mouth."

Luke barked out a laugh, then scolded his nephew. "Jess, watch your mouth. There are kids here."

"They can't hear me down there." Jess huffed, angling his head toward the other families in the bleachers, but lowered his voice anyway, to humor his uncle. "It's just so ridiculous. The guy has to move back to town five fucking minutes after I do. And he gets a job at the same high school that my kid goes to and ends up coaching his team. What the fuck is that?"

"Uh, take a look around town. It's not like he had more than one high school to choose from."

"I hate this."

"At least Jeremy didn't get him for a teacher, too."

"Yeah, Jeremy said that he only teaches freshman and sophomore classes. What? Like AP calculus is too hard for him?" Jess scoffed. "What kind of 'math teacher,' and I use that term loosely, can't handle calculus? I mean, right?"

Luke laughed. "Did you even take calculus, Jess? Do you even really know what it is?"

"I don't believe we're talking about me, here, Luke. How about you try to stay focused? Why aren't you on my side, anyway? I know you don't like the guy any more than I do."

Luke sighed. "I'm always on your side Jess. And, yeah, he's not exactly my favorite person in the world, either. But, Reverend Skinner retired from coaching this year. They needed someone else. He took the job. I'm guessing he had reasons for moving back here and taking the job other than some nefarious plan to spite you and ruin your life. And, since there's nothing you can do about it, I'd let it go if I were you. And, Jeremy likes him. That's what matters here."

"I feel like the universe is taking a giant dump on me."

Luke laughed and patted Jess's knee. "Hey, be grateful he's coaching your son in baseball and not having an affair with your daughter. That's all I'm saying. Because if you think this is no picnic, my friend…"

"Gross!" Jess was instantly disgusted. "Jeez, Luke! Thanks for that mental image!"

Luke chuckled. "I'm just tryin' to give you some perspective on the situation, here. It could be worse."

"Fine, you win, but that's just nasty."

Luke patted him on the leg while looking down at the field. "Shhhh, Jess! Watch. Jeremy's up."

Jess watched his son take a couple of practice swings before stepping into the batter's box. Jess was transfixed as he watched the kid dig in his feet and get set up, bat cocked behind his right shoulder, eyes intent on the pitcher, carrying himself with more confidence than Jess had ever seen in his shy, scrawny teenage son.

Jess watched Jeremy take the first pitch, too low and inside, and heard the umpire call it a ball. Jess found himself getting nervous for Jeremy. The Minutemen were already down by six runs and it was only the third inning. This seemed to be the way their games went based on the reactions from the few other parents in the stands. And, Jess didn't care if the team won. But, he found himself surprisingly caught up in wanting Jeremy to succeed here, for the boy to have a good moment, to feel the pride that comes from doing well at something you care about. He watched Jeremy take the second pitch, this one a strike, higher up but still appearing inside to Jess. Jess didn't realize he had been holding his breath until Jeremy got a solid hit on the third pitch, getting out in front of it and knocking a hard line drive down the third base line, past the third baseman, touching the ground right where the dirt ends and the outfield grass starts and shooting past the left fielder. Jess could feel his heart rate picking up as he watched Jeremy drop his bat and run to first, stopping at second on instruction from the third base coach when the center fielder threw the ball in to the shortstop. Jess was clapping so hard his hands hurt. He let out a sharp whistle amid the flurry of applause that had two of the mom's in the front row turning to look back at him. "That's my kid!" He hadn't realized he had stood up until he had had to look so far down at them. He could feel himself grinning. The women smiled at him and turned back around to face the field. Jess grinned as he made eye contact with Jeremy as the boy stood on second and grinned back at him, briefly, before his expression became serious again as he moved a few feet off the bag as the pitcher got ready for the next batter. Holy shit. Jess had never been this excited watching a sporting event in his life.

Jess sat back down, feeling a little embarrassed as he turned to see Luke smiling at him with fondness and amusement. "Man." Jess said. "I had no idea baseball could be that exciting! My kid is fucking amazing!" Jess grinned.

Luke clapped him on the back, smiling. "Yes, he is, nephew."

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Jeremy felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket as he hoisted the last trash bag into the dumpster. He pulled out his phone as he walked back down the alley to the diner. It was a text from Cassidy asking if he wanted to join her study group tomorrow night for the Calculus exam on Tuesday. He scrolled through his emails while he had his phone open. He was always careful not to check his phone during work hours. Luke had assured him that the no cell phone rule didn't apply to great-nephews who were waiting to hear back from colleges, but he didn't want to take advantage. He stopped walking and stared at the notification for a new email from Penn State. It looked like it was from Penn State Abington. Back when he had been applying, this had been his top choice of the Pennsylvania public colleges. He had always heard that the one in University Park was the best, the biggest campus, the most diversity in terms of academic options and student life, but after being sent to live with Jess, Abington had become his number one choice due to its location less than an hour from Philadelphia. Jeremy remembered filling out the applications and wondering whether he would be allowed to commute to college from Jess's apartment, or whether the adoption would even happen. It had been right on the heels of the awkward moment by the side of the road on the way back from Stars Hollow when Jeremy had broken down and begged Jess not to get rid of him, and Jeremy hadn't been sure how real Jess's offer to adopt him has been. Everything had still felt so new and uncertain back then.

Jeremy was on the fence about what he wanted this email to say. All the schools he had applied to were pretty much on par with each other in terms of admissions standards. If he didn't get in here, it was possible he wouldn't get in to any of his schools and his problem would be solved and he would get to stay in Stars Hollow. If he got in, he would likely get into others and he would need to either bring his concerns up to Jess like an adult, or pack his shit and move four hours away in a few months. Also, like an adult. He sighed. He knew the first outcome was more likely. He had a good transcript even it had to be pieced together from five different high schools. He knew he didn't had a lot of extracurriculars other than baseball to make his application stand out, but he had his essay for that. He knew his essay was well-written and that the subject matter about his time in the foster care system would serve to differentiate him and provide justification for all his school transfers and lack of participation in clubs and activities. Growing up the way he had had sucked, but he realized it would be useful here.

Jeremy clicked on the email and saw the first sentence starting with 'congratulations.' He felt choked up at his acceptance into college. He felt more pleased with his accomplishment than he had expected to, taking satisfaction in how he had beaten the odds by getting into a decent four year college after having spent the majority of his life in foster care. It was something to be proud of, but it definitely complicated his life. He was lost in thought as he walked back into the diner.

Luke was waiting for him, wearing his dark green canvas jacket and ready to lock up the diner. "Thanks for taking that out, Jeremy."

Jeremy nodded absently. "Sure. Thanks." Jeremy looked at his uncle to find the man watching him with a curious look on his face.

"You all right, nephew?" Luke asked.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine."

Luke smiled slightly, but still looked concerned. "I'm only asking because you just thanked me for thanking you for taking out the trash. You seem a little preoccupied."

"Oh, sorry." Jeremy forced himself to focus on what Luke was saying.

"You don't have to be sorry. I just thought something might be bothering you." Luke hesitated. "Is something bothering you?"

"I'm fine, Uncle Luke." Jeremy grinned, and it felt surprisingly authentic. He really was proud of his accomplishment. He held up the phone in his hand. "I just got an email from Penn State. I got into college."

"Jeremy, that's great!" The next thing Jeremy knew, he was being hugged tightly. "That's amazing, Jeremy! This is so great!" Then Luke was standing back, with one hand on Jeremy's shoulder as he spoke to him. Jeremy took in the smile on his face and the warmth in his eyes. "I'm so proud of you, Jeremy. You should be really proud of yourself right now, too."

Jeremy nodded, feeling a little overwhelmed and emotional. "I kind of am…"

"You should be. This is a big deal." Luke was smiling so fondly and lovingly at Jeremy that it hurt. The boy suddenly felt his eyes tearing up, and wiped at his face with the back of his hand.

"Hey, hey." Luke's voice was lower, gentle. "What's wrong? This isn't the reaction I expected. What is it, Jeremy?"

Jeremy shook his head, but didn't trust himself to speak without crying for real, and he really didn't want to do that. It was all so pathetic. Getting into college was a good thing. He knew that. And, Luke was right. It was a big deal. And he had people in his life to share his news with now, and that felt so good. Luke was so excited for him. The thought struck him that he didn't want to ruin this moment for Luke, and he huffed out one nervous giggle at the ridiculousness of the idea. He felt his tears welling up in his eyes and set his mind on not letting them fall. "I don't…I, uh, I don't really want to go, though." He felt one rogue tear slip down his cheek and he wiped at his face quickly, reminding himself that this was nothing to fall apart over. This was a good thing.

"C'mere, kid." Luke pulled Jeremy to his chest and held him tightly. Jeremy felt Luke's warm palm cup the back of his head. He felt ridiculous and childish, and way too old to be reacting like this to something that technically wasn't even bad news. He hated that he couldn't even make a good memory out of this day, that he would always look back on the day he got into college and remember crying on his uncle's shoulder like a stupid, pathetic little kid. "Everything is going to be ok, Jeremy. Do you hear me?" Jeremy nodded against Luke's shoulder. "You'll talk to Jess and we'll get this figured out. I can talk to him with you if you want. You always have a home here. Nothing will ever change that. You know that, right?"

Jeremy nodded again. Talking felt too dangerous, like he would break down completely if he tried. Jeremy let himself be held. After a moment, Luke pulled back and held Jeremy by both shoulders at arms length. Jeremy stared down at his sneakers, too embarrassed to make eye contact. "Hey, Jeremy, look at me."

Jeremy obediently looked up at Luke and saw so much warmth and love in his uncle's expression that it made him believe that everything really would be ok. Luke loved him. So did Jess. They weren't going to force him out if he wasn't ready to go.

"I know we kind of talked about this a little the day of the adoption, but I want to make sure I'm clear, here. You do still want to go to college, right? You just don't want to leave home and go too far away. Do I have that right?"

"Yeah, yeah. I definitely still want to go to college. I worked really hard to get there." Jeremy felt himself on the verge of tearing up again and blinked back the moisture in his eyes.

"Good." Luke was smiling softly at him. "Because I've gotta say, that's part non-negotiable, my friend. Especially after watching what happened to Jess at Truncheon. There's no way either of us would be ok with you not going to college."

"I know." Jeremy nodded. "I know how important it is. And, Jess told me how he regrets not going. I definitely want to go."

Luke released his hold on Jeremy, but continued to study the boy carefully. "Jess said that? That he regrets not going to college?"

"Kind of. He said he had the chance to go, but he was too dumb to take it."

"Huh." Luke sounded so much like Jess that he made Jeremy smile.

"I really want to go to college. It's what I've been working toward for years."

"Good. Good boy."

"But, it's like, last year at this time I would have said I wanted to go to college more than I wanted anything else. But, that was back when I didn't really believe I was ever going to have a family. I still want to go to college, so much, I just want to stay here with you guys more. There are schools close by, in Hartford, that I could commute to, if Jess is ok with that. It's too late to apply for the fall semester, but I could take a semester off and work more, or take some classes at a community college or something…..."

Luke nodded, his expression serious.

"I just got a family…...I don't want…... to be all alone again." Jeremy sighed. "I know I sound pathetic…"

"You don't sound pathetic, Jeremy. Not at all. I think I get what you're saying. I think you need to tell all this to Jess."

Jeremy looked down at his sneakers.

"Do you want me to come up and talk to Jess with you?"

Jeremy shook his head slowly and looked up. "No, that's ok. Thank you, though. I should probably do it by myself. Can you, uh…..could you maybe not mention me getting into college to Jess until I get a chance to talk to him about it?"

"Oh, uh, sure. Of course." Luke didn't sound very sure, despite his words. "You don't think you'll talk to him now? When you go upstairs?"

"I don't know. It's already late, and I kind of want to…..sit with it for a little while before I talk to him. Is that ok?"

Jeremy could see the hesitancy in Luke's nod. "Sure. You can do this however you want to Jeremy. But, can I give you some advice?"

"Yeah, of course."

"Don't put it off too long. Don't work it up to be a bigger deal than it needs to be."

"Do you think Jess will be mad?" Jeremy asked hesitantly.

"I don't think he'll be mad. Jess loves you and he wants you to be happy. He'll listen to you. He isn't going to make you do anything you don't want to do, ok?"

Jeremy nodded. "Ok."

"And, Jeremy, no matter where you live or how far away you go, you'll never be alone again. You have so many people who care about you now and who will be in your life forever. You have Jess, and he loves you so much and he will always be in your life. And, you have me. And, I love you so much, and I will always be in your life, too. You know all that, right?"

Jeremy nodded, and felt the corners of his mouth pulling up into a small smile. "I do, but I never get tired of hearing it." Jeremy realized that Luke might not get tired of hearing it either. "I love you, too, Uncle Luke."

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Jess was sitting in the armchair with a book when Winston got up and trotted toward the door. "Hey, buddy." The dog looked back at Jess's voice, tail wagging, before continuing to the door. "Is that our boy?" The dog let out a low whine.

The door opened and Jeremy walked in, instantly crouching to greet his dog. "Hey, Winston! Did you miss me, boy?" He rubbed the dog's ears and petted his back as Winston thrust his nose toward Jeremy's face, sniffing and licking. "Who's a good dog?"

Jess set his book down on the coffee table and crossed one ankle over his other knee. He felt stiff from sitting in the same position for so long. "Hey, kid. Your boss keep you late tonight? You need me to have a word with that guy?"

Jeremy laughed. "No. Me and Uncle Luke were just talking after we closed up."

"Oh, yeah? Is everything ok?" Jess respected his son's relationship with his uncle, and was grateful that Jeremy had another person he loved and trusted, but he could admit to feeling a little jealous sometimes when their relationship didn't include him.

"Yeah, everything's fine. Hey, is it ok if I go over to Cassidy's to study tomorrow night?"

"Sure, Jeremy. So, is this like a study date type of situation?"

Jeremy smiled. "No, it's more of a group thing."

Jess held his hands up, palms out, smirking. "Hey, I don't need all the sordid details, pal."

Jeremy laughed as he stood back up. "Cassidy and I aren't dating. She's actually into this other guy at school. We're just friends. She's really nice."

"Ok. Just friends can be good." Jess couldn't shake the feeling that something was bothering Jeremy. "You eat already? I could make you a sandwich or some eggs or something."

"I'm good. Luke fed me on my break." Jeremy paused, looked down at Winston again, then back at Jess. "I'm actually pretty tired. Is it ok if I just get ready for bed?"

"Yeah, of course, Jeremy. That's fine."

Jeremy bent to give Winston one more pat before heading toward the bathroom. Jess watched the boy until he disappeared from sight behind his chair, then felt a hand on his shoulder as Jeremy leaned over the back of the chair, wrapping his other arm loosely around Jess's neck, hugging him from behind. Jess lifted a hand to gently hold his son's forearm, feeling concerned at the unexpected display of affection. "I love you, Dad."

"I love you too, Jeremy." Jess rubbed his thumb gently along the boy's wrist. "More than anything else in this world."

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Jeremy woke up in middle of the night feeling anxious. He knew he needed to talk to Jess about how he was feeling about college, sooner rather than later, but he was worried about how the conversation would go, and what Jess would think of him not feeling ready to leave home. He didn't want to come across as immature or ungrateful. On one hand, it felt ridiculous, even to him, the strong need he felt to be around his parent that had him wanting to stay home after high school, the exact opposite of most kids he knew who were counting down the days until they could be out on their own. But on the other hand, he knew he had already been forced to accomplish many of the tasks of independent living that some kids didn't learn until they went off to college. He knew how to cook for himself, and how to keep his living space clean. He had been doing his own laundry for years, and still did most of his and Jess's. He knew how to make phone calls to set up his own appointments and had gotten good at figuring out how to get himself around on public transportation at whatever placement he had been staying at. He was responsible with his money, spending very little of what he made at the diner now, understanding it was more important to save it for his long term goal of college. He had had to adjust to living with strangers so many times over, and he had learned to self-soothe at an early age. He could cope with life's emotional upsets without needing someone to confide in or provide sympathy or help him through a bad situation. He had developed that skill out of necessity when he hadn't had anyone to fill that confidant role even when he had wanted to. He knew most kids his age viewed leaving home as something exciting, a long awaited and dreamed about chapter of their lives. Jeremy could kind of understand how they felt, because he viewed finally having a home and a family the same way.

It wasn't that he didn't feel like he could go off to college and live alone again. He was pretty sure he could, if he needed to. But, he hadn't even had a full year of respite from that life. He loved having his new family around him on a daily basis, and he wanted to have that experience for longer. He knew logically that there was no way to balance the scales. That even if he stayed with Jess forever, that it still wouldn't make up for the hurt of never having been wanted as a child. Nothing would, or could. That pain was a part of him, seared into his heart and soul forever, to be worked around for the rest of his life, but never completely erased. But, he did believe that a little more time with his family now, while he was still young and figuring himself out, might help him heal a little more than he'd be able to if he were out on his own again so soon. He knew he would never be completely on his own again, that Jess and Luke and so many other people would be a phone call or train ride away. That it would be different than the type of 'on his own' he had experienced before he met Jess. But, it still freaked him out.

Jeremy needed to go to the bathroom and he slowly got out of bed, trying to be quiet to not bother Winston, who was sleeping on his dog bed on the floor next to Jeremy's bed. Winston dutifully raised his head as Jeremy walked by, and the boy held one hand, palm out toward the dog. "You stay, Winston. Stay, boy. I'll be right back." The dog obediently laid his head back down, his eyes watching Jeremy as the boy quietly opened the door and walked out.

Jeremy was startled to see Jess, in sleep pants and a tee-shirt, lying on the couch asleep under the glow of a lamp, his laptop precariously balanced on his chest. Jeremy knew his father had still been awake when he himself had gone to bed, but he wondered why the man hadn't made it to bed on his own. He stood staring at his sleeping father, debating what he should do. Tomorrow was Sunday and Jess's weekend day off from the bookstore. Jeremy wondered if he should wake Jess up so that he could go to bed or let him spend the night on the couch. Jeremy checked Jess's positioning to make sure he didn't have his neck angled in a way that would cause him pain the next day, but the man was lying relatively flat. Jeremy decided not to bother him. He did, however, think he should put the laptop on the coffee table where it would be safe from falling when Jess woke up. Jeremy tiptoed closer and slowly picked up the open laptop so as not to disturb his father. As he set it on the coffee table he accidentally touched the mouse pad, and the dark screen came to life revealing the prompt to enter his password and sign in. Jeremy was hit with a surge of curiosity as to what had kept Jess up this late. The thought hit him that Jess might be studying the tuition and fees page for Pennsylvania state colleges again, and he felt a pit lodging in his stomach. The laptop was Jeremy's old one, the one Jess had bought him when he first came to live with him, that had become a shared computer after Jeremy had accidentally ruined Jess's own, and then become entirely Jess's after Jeremy had received another laptop from Luke and Lorelai for Christmas.

Jeremy kept one eye on Jess's sleeping form as he crouched in front of the coffee table and quietly typed in his old password. It looked like Jess had never bothered to change it. The sign in page was quickly replaced by a website, youtube. The still picture filling most of the frame with a sideways white triangle waiting to be pushed to start the video showed a picture of a boy, maybe ten or twelve years old, facing the camera and smiling and he stood astride a parked red bicycle. The title read, _Positive Strategies for Teaching An Older Child to Ride a Bike._ Jeremy smiled softly. He saw there was another page open and clicked on that tab to reveal an article entitled, _Teaching a Teenager to Ride a Bike Without Hurting His Self-Esteem._ That one hit Jeremy even harder and he felt himself tearing up. He knew it was an embarrassing thing to not know how to ride a bike at his age, and he was grateful not only that Jess wanted to teach him, but that he was taking Jeremy's feelings into consideration and had put in the effort to research how to do it in a way that would minimize any shame Jeremy might feel. Jeremy's heart felt so full of gratitude and love for the man sleeping in front of him. He gently shut the laptop and stood back up. He pulled the afghan off the back of the armchair and spread it over Jess, taking care to lay out the blanket so that Jess was covered from his collar to his toes.

Jeremy stood looking at Jess for a moment. He thought about Liz telling him that TJ had watched youtube videos to prepare for his first snowman build with Doula years ago because he had wanted to impress his daughter. And about Luke falling asleep in the apartment the first weekend Jess had brought Jeremy home, and April covering him with a blanket and texting Lorelai to let her know Luke would be sleeping there. And Jess coming home drunk the night he'd lost his job at Truncheon and telling Jeremy about the nights he had snuck in late as a teenager to find Luke passed out on the couch, not quite able to wait up for him, and how he would cover Luke with a blanket because Jess believed it was impossible to stay mad at someone who had covered you with a blanket while you slept. Jeremy loved being part of this family. He loved having historical references for his family members' behaviors and being able to see similarities and draw parallels between them. It made him feel tethered to something that mattered, and part of a larger whole in a way he had never experienced before. He wanted more of that. He wasn't sure if it was immature, or selfish, or cowardly, or anything else, but he knew he wasn't ready to leave his family yet. The idea of being in a dorm room in a few months surrounded by strangers for miles produced such a visceral surge of real grief in Jeremy. He knew he couldn't stay with Jess forever, and would likely be ready to be out on his own at some point, but it wasn't now. He wanted to stay here longer. He wanted more memories like this moment. Jeremy adjusted the blanket a little and then headed to the bathroom.

A few minutes later, without really thinking about why he was doing it, Jeremy was pulling the blanket off his own bed. This time when he left the room, he let Winston follow. He turned off the lights and curled up in the armchair for the night as Winston settled into the dog bed next to it.

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Jess woke up disoriented to a soft huffing noise and the foul stench of meat. He opened his eyes and came face to face with Winston, who got excited to see him awake and thrust his snout even closer to Jess's face, nose sniffing and tail wagging to demonstrate his pleasure. "Oh, boy, your breath." Jess reached out a hand to rub Winston's head, gently angling the dog's face away from his own as he got his bearings. He didn't remember falling asleep in the living room. He started to sit up and the afghan that was kept on the armchair slid down his chest and pooled in his lap. He felt more confused as he took in the sight of Jeremy nestled in the armchair, still asleep, but it possibly explained the blanket. The boy looked even younger when he was asleep and the sight made Jess smile. Winston whined softly, pulling Jess's attention back. "You want breakfast, boy? Is that what you're telling me, pal?" Jess picked his phone up off the table and stood up. "Just one second, little guy." He whispered to Winston, as he opened his camera and lined up a shot of his sleeping boy and snapped a picture. Jess followed Winston into the kitchen, feeling a sharp stab of pain for himself for having missed out on so many moments like this was Jeremy was young, and for Jeremy for not having had someone in his early years who loved him and cared about chronicling his cute moments. He turned off his phone and set it on the counter as he reached for a can of dog food. "That one's a keeper, Winston."

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Jeremy swallowed a bite of egg and washed it down with a sip of orange juice as he listened to Jess.

"So, I was just thinking about what we should do today." Jess was sitting across the table, leaning forward over his own breakfast, eager and expectant. "Since you don't have to be at the diner until the lunch shift and you don't have practice on Sunday, and I don't need to be at the bookstore at all today, I was thinking we should put this beautiful morning to good use, and then it hit me that we haven't taken your bike out yet."

Jeremy was amused by Jess's attempt at casual spontaneity, but he didn't let it show. "Yeah? What a coincidence. I woke up thinking about the bike, too."

"Hey, I love it when we're on the same page!" Jess smiled warmly at Jeremy. "I think today is a really good day for your first lesson. What do you think?"

Jeremy smiled back like he always did when Jess hit him with that smile. It made him feel so loved that it was impossible not to return it. "Sure. That sounds like fun, Dad. Thanks."

"Oh, it will definitely be fun!" Jess grinned. "Brace yourself for some serious father son bonding, Jeremy!"

Jeremy grinned back. "Consider me braced." He knew he wasn't going to bring up college today, either.


	34. Chapter 34 Bicycles and Baseball

**Chapter 34 Notes:** Every time I think I'm ready to head into the wrap-up, I think of more things for Jess and Jeremy to do and more small moments that I want to see played out. Not a ton here to move the plot. One character is back by popular demand in this chapter. One conversation has a very preliminary start. And, lots of bonding ensues! Thanks to everyone who is still reading, following and especially to those who are kind and generous enough to leave me reviews and feedback. I appreciate all of it! :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

"Do I really have to wear that?" Jeremy was looking at Jess nervously.

"C'mon, Jeremy." The bike helmet was dangling from Jess's hand by the chin strap as he held it out to his son. "It's for your own safety."

"But, it's not like I'm going to be going that fast. I mean, not at first, right?" Jess could tell that Jeremy's resistance to the helmet came from wanting confirmation that he wasn't about to do something dangerous.

"You won't be going that fast, but you could still wipe out. Better to be safe." Jess instantly regretted his phrasing as Jeremy looked increasingly nervous. "Ok, think of my safety then, because I'm pretty sure Luke will kill me if I let you ride that thing without a helmet." Jess shrugged to downplay his own concern. "You know how that guy is. Always wanting his loved ones to avoid cracking their skulls open and scrambling their brains. Crazy, I know."

Jeremy accepted the helmet and put it on his head. The chin strap was too loose when he fastened it and Jess reached up to adjust the straps for him.

Jeremy frowned, but tolerated Jess's action. "I could have done that myself, you know. Just because I don't know how to ride a bike doesn't mean you need to treat me like a little kid."

Jess could tell that Jeremy's defensiveness stemmed from embarrassment, and he thought back to the youtube video he'd watched about safeguarding the self-esteem of a teenager while you taught them something that most children knew how to do. He debated telling Jeremy that he didn't know how to ride a bike either, but he thought the lesson might go more smoothly if Jeremy didn't learn that little fact until later, possibly in the car on the ride home. "You're right. I'm sorry. I couldn't help myself. It's not everyday I get to teach my only child how to ride a bike. I got a little over excited. Does that feel all right now?" Jess gestured to the boy's helmet, and Jeremy reached up to adjust it slightly on his head.

"Yeah, I think it's good."

"Perfect!" Jess smacked Jeremy lightly on the top of his helmet. "You look like Lance Armstrong already!" A very nervous, possibly terrified version of Lance Armstrong, maybe. Jess really wanted this to go well. He couldn't tell if it was just Jeremy's obvious nerves rubbing off on him, but now that they were out here in the empty parking lot of an AutoZone in Woodbury that had closed down years ago, Jess was feeling a little more nervous and a little less qualified than he had expected. His philosophy was normally that if you could read and watch tutorials, you could learn to do anything. That's how he had taught himself to cook, speak sign language and swing a golf club. But, he had never put his philosophy to the test at something that could potentially cause physical harm to someone he loved.

"All right, lets have you stand over the bike to make sure it's the right height."

Jeremy obediently straddled the bike.

"Ok. So, to start we want to make sure you can sit on the seat and still comfortably rest your feet on the ground. If not, we'll need to adjust the height of the seat."

Jeremy rested on the bike seat with his feet still firmly on the ground. "Like this? This is good, right?"

"Yeah, that looks good. This might feel a little awkward, but it's just to get you started. Once you get the balancing and pedaling down, we'll raise the seat. But, knowing you can touch the ground now will make you feel safer while you're learning. Ok?"

Jeremy nodded. He observed seriously as Jess pointed out the handbrakes and had him practice squeezing the levers. He listened as Jess explained that at first, the boy just needed to focus on balancing on the bike as he coasted down a slight, very slight, Jess made sure to emphasize, incline. They would add in the pedaling once Jeremy was comfortable balancing on the bike while it was moving. And, Jess would be there for him, holding onto the seat and helping him steady it as he got going. Everything was going to be fine, Jess assured him with what he considered his most trustworthy and reassuring smile. He watched Jeremy smile back weakly.

"Do you have questions before we get started?"

Jeremy was twisted at the waist to face Jess who was standing to the side of the bike. He glanced away for a minute. "Just….what if I fall?"

Jeremy looked back at Jess, and Jess saw the apprehension in his son's eyes. He reached out a hand and cupped the back of Jeremy's neck beneath his helmet in what he hoped was a comforting gesture. "I'm thinking two things will happen if you fall. One is that we'll talk about what went wrong and how to fix it, and you'll try again. And, the other is that I'll still love you and think I have an amazing kid. And, you'll still love me and think you have a halfway decent dad." Jess shrugged and gave Jeremy's neck a gentle squeeze. "And, now that I'm saying it out loud, only the second thing feels that important."

Jeremy's mouth quirked into a small, mocking smile. "Why do I feel like you prepared that speech in advance?"

Jess laughed and smacked Jeremy's helmet again before taking his hand back. "All right, smartass, how about more riding and less talking?" He was glad to see Jeremy looking a little less nervous even if the kid's amusement had been at his expense.

Jess spent the next hour basking in the experience of teaching his kid to ride a bike. He held on to the bottom of the bike seat to keep Jeremy steady and upright as the boy got his bearings on the bike, and when Jeremy was ready to try moving, Jess gave him a gentle push to get him started. Jess watched the initially short-lived rides grow longer as Jeremy built up confidence and was able to balance for longer stretches of time before teetering to one side and needing to put his feet down to avoid falling. Jess was calm and encouraging every step of the way, the loving parental cheerleader that Jess himself had never had but always wanted on the sidelines of his own childhood struggles and triumphs. Jess caught himself holding his breath as he watched Jeremy take off pedaling for the first time. And he found himself giddy with happiness during the last ride of the day when Jeremy made it the entire length of the parking lot without losing his balance. The boy braked and put his feet down, coming to a less than smooth stop. He walked the bike back toward Jess, all smiles. Jess jogged out to meet him, pulling him into a hug, telling him how impressive that was, how proud of him he was. Jeremy had ducked his head at the praise, a smile on his lips, then met Jess's eye to ask if they could come out again next week and work on how to turn. Jess unclasped Jeremy's chin strap and lifted his helmet off, kissing the boy's sweaty head and assuring him that they could. Jess made a mental note to google how to turn a bicycle before the following weekend as he helped Jeremy load his bike into the car.

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They had stopped at the large chain grocery store in Woodbury on their way home, and Jeremy was following Jess slowly through the aisles, feeling his father's happiness vibes from the parking lot turn to mild stress vibes in the store. He knew that Jess thought he was good at hiding his financial stress from Jeremy, but he wasn't really. Jeremy knew money was always on Jess's mind. He watched his father referring to the list on his phone, checking prices and selecting items that were on sale. Even though Jeremy did a lot of the cooking, he didn't usually accompany Jess to the store and he hadn't realized quite how much comparison pricing went into shopping for their groceries.

"What do you want for lunches this week, Jeremy?" Jess asked as he dug through a pyramid of organic red peppers looking for an unflawed one.

"I'm fine with anything."

"How about lettuce wraps?" Jess asked as he picked up a head of butter lettuce and looked it over.

"Yeah, sure. That sounds good."

Jess put the lettuce in the basket he was carrying. "Ok, we have rice at home. Let's remember to get the tempeh when we get to the other end of the store." Jess grabbed a few more vegetables and put them in his basket.

Jeremy followed Jess to the back of the store and watched Jess look through the refrigerated section at the packages of chicken breast. Jeremy looked without touching, the wall of packaged meat making him feel a little nauseous. Jeremy looked at the prices and realized this was easily the most expensive item on their list, and nothing seemed to be on sale. "You know what, kid? I think I'm going to be a vegetarian this week, too."

Jeremy followed as Jess walked away from the chicken display. "Because the chicken is too expensive?"

"What?" Jess huffed out a laugh and looked back at his son. "Um, no. Because I was reading an article the other day about the smaller carbon footprint of being a vegetarian and it got me inspired. When I was looking at that meat-"

"The dead little chicken bodies." Jeremy supplied with a small smile.

Jess laughed. "Yeah, when I was looking at the dead little chicken bodies just now, it all felt like such a waste, thinking about all the water and grain that goes into raising one chicken. I'm going to cut out the middleman, or middle chicken." Jess smiled at his own phrasing. "And just eat the veg diet myself. For this week, at least. I'll see how it goes."

Jess was looking at Jeremy quizzically. "C'mon, kid. I thought you'd be proud of me for joining you on Team Veg."

"I am. Definitely." Jeremy smiled, unsure if he believed the reasons behind Jess's declaration, but appreciating the outcome just the same. "I think that's really cool, Dad."

Jess smirked. "Well, I am a really cool, Dad. Thanks for noticing." Jeremy watched Jess examine the contents of his basket. "Ok. I think we just need beans, eggs and the tempeh and we'll be good to go."

"Hey, Jess?" They were in the otherwise empty section at the far end of the store, looking at the items in the refrigerator section whose signs proclaimed its contents to be 'natural' and 'vegetarian.' Jess was looking at the tempeh selection.

"Hey, Jeremy." Jess responded without turning to face his son, but Jeremy could hear the smile in his voice.

Jeremy huffed out a quiet laugh. "So, I was just thinking. Maybe it would be better if I went to community college in the fall instead of a four year school. I could go locally, and commute from the apartment. Like, to save money and stuff."

"What?" Jess turned to look at him now with a small frown, the tempeh in his hand, halfway between the refrigerator shelf and the shopping basket. "What are you talking about, Jeremy?"

"I was just thinking. I mean, community college is like half the price, and I know we need to save money-"

"Jeremy, stop." Jess looked annoyed now. "You're not going to community college. What the hell are you talking about?"

"It's just an option I was thinking about. It's nothing definite-."

"Yeah, it is definite, Jeremy! You're going to a four year college, like we've always talked about. Did you even apply to any community colleges?"

"No, but it's not too late. I was just thinking-"

"Is this because I didn't buy the chicken?"

"What?" Jeremy had forgotten about the chicken.

"Do you think we're too poor for you to go to a four year school because I didn't buy chicken this week? Are you serious right now?" Jeremy could feel Jess getting angry and defensive. He hadn't meant for his offer to piss his father off. He had seen an opportunity to reframe his concerns about going away to college as he had watched Jess nickel and dime his way through their shopping list. He had thought he might be able to convince Jess that he should go to school locally without sounding like a loser. It had felt easier telling Luke how he felt. Luke had lost his parents young, too, and he had spent his entire life in the town he was born in, even though it seemed to drive him crazy most days, because it was safe and familiar. Luke got it. Jess had run away on his own at eighteen, heading to the other side of the country, completely alone, without the structure of college or the support of his family. Jess would think he was weak and pathetic.

"No, I didn't mean-"

"I've been working my ass off for this, Jeremy." Jess's voice rose slightly before he sighed and lowered it again. "We both have. You're going to college. A real one, ok?" Jess smiled at Jeremy, but Jeremy could tell it was forced and that Jess was still aggravated with him and that made him feel lousy.

"Ok." Jess nodded, feeling stupid for bringing this up, especially the way he had, and at the grocery store of all places, when Jess was distracted. He felt ashamed and ungrateful for ruining a good day after Jess had spent his morning with him, teaching him to ride a bike. "Yeah, sorry. It was just an idea."

Jess sighed as he put the package of tempeh in his basket. "Jeremy, I know you expected to start hearing back from schools this month. And, you're probably worried that you haven't gotten any acceptance letters yet." Jess reached out a hand to grasp Jeremy's shoulder, gently kneading the muscle as he spoke. "I know waiting sucks and it must be nerve-wracking for you right now, but it's going to happen. Your grades are too good for you to not get in. Ok? I know it's hard to wait for something you really want like this, but you're going to get into college, Jeremy. I really believe that. Everything is going to be fine." Jess gave Jeremy's shoulder a soft squeeze before pulling his arm back.

Jeremy nodded, thinking about the one acceptance email he had received so far. "Yeah, you're right, Jess." Jeremy forced a small smile onto his face. "Everything is going to be fine."

"That's my boy." Jess smiled warmly and lightly touched his open hand to Jeremy's cheek. "All right, c'mon kid, beans and eggs and we're out of here."

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Thwack! Jeremy felt the ball hit his glove. "So, there's something I want to tell you." He retrieved the ball with his other hand and threw it back to Luke. Luke had started bringing his baseball glove to work and slipping out with Jeremy to play some mid-afternoon catch in the town square when things got slow. At first, Jeremy had felt guilty pulling Luke away from the diner, but he had soon realized that Luke enjoyed it as much as he did. His uncle always seemed especially calm and content when they were out tossing the ball around. Jeremy had always wanted to have a dad to play catch with and talk about baseball with. And, while it turned out an uncle was good enough, he did sometimes wonder if Jess would ever be up for this.

Luke caught the ball. "What's on your mind, nephew?" Jeremy liked that, that Luke called him nephew, instead of great-nephew or anything else. He liked having the same pet name that Jess did.

Thwack! Jeremy caught the ball. "Now that it's getting nicer out and you haven't seen me on my bike. I just, uh." Jeremy threw the ball back. "I didn't want you to think that I don't like it, or that I'm not grateful to have it. Because I am." Thwack!

Luke smiled warmly. "I wasn't thinking that, Jeremy."

"So, I just wanted to let you know that I took it out this morning for the first time."

"You did? That's great." Jeremy watched Luke pause, as if carefully considering what to say next. "Did you have fun?"

"Yeah, I had a lot of fun." Thwack! "But, uh, you might not see me riding it around anytime soon. I've never had a bike before and I'm kind of still learning how to ride it. But, I like it a lot. I loved riding it today, once I got to the point where I could kind of actually ride it." Jeremy laughed.

"That's great, Jeremy. I'm glad you're enjoying it." Luke was smiling and it made Jeremy smile back.

"Yeah, it's really cool." Thwack! "I just wanted to let you know, so that you knew why I wasn't riding it to practice yet and stuff. I'm not steady enough on it yet to ride in the street or anything."

"You'll get there. Learning something new always takes time and patience, but you'll get the hang of it."

"I hope so. I should have said something on my birthday when you gave it to me….but it's pretty embarrassing to not know how to ride a bike at my age…...and everyone was there and everything." Thwack!

"I don't think there's anything to be embarrassed about, Jeremy. It's not like you could have learned if you never had a bike to learn on before. But, thanks for telling me this."

Thwack! "Sure. I figured it was better to be upfront about it. I mean, it's embarrassing, but I didn't want to end up lying to you if you started asking me about it now that it's spring. I felt like it was better to be honest."

"Good man. I appreciate that."

Jeremy felt the same warm happiness that he always felt when Luke praised him. Thwack! "Could you maybe not mention it to anyone else, though, like unless they ask or something?"

"No problem, Jeremy. It will be our little secret." Luke paused as he reached for a wide throw and snapped his glove around the ball. "You know, I didn't know how to swim until I was in my forties."

Thwack! "Seriously?"

"I kid you not. And, I probably never would have learned at all if April hadn't been on the swim team in junior high. She was really into swimming, and I was embarrassed that I had to tell her that I had never really learned how. I mean, I could doggie paddle to stay afloat, but that was about it."

Thwack! "Did April teach you?"

"No, I actually took a class for adults that her swim coach taught. And, it was embarrassing at first, but once I learned how to do it, I enjoyed it. And it was nice to have an idea of what April was talking about when she talked about the butterfly and the breaststroke and all that stuff."

Thwack! "That's so cool that you did that."

"That's how it is when you have kids. You get interested in what your kids are interested in. I couldn't just sit there hoping April would ditch swimming for softball. I would have missed out on the sport she did care about."

Thwack! "I guess so. I kind of always pictured in families that the kids got interested in what their parents were interested in, not the other way around."

"No way, my friend. The kids have all the power. Parents want to spend time with you guys so badly that we'll get into whatever you guys are into." Luke smiled. "I used to wear a turquoise bracelet because April bought it for me right after she moved to New Mexico."

Thwack! Jeremy huffed out a quiet laugh. "I can't picture you wearing a bracelet."

Luke chuckled. "Yeah, it was weird, but when you have kids, you'll do anything to bond with them and make them happy. After about a year, April told me I should stop wearing it because it didn't really go with my wardrobe. I think she just took pity on me."

Jeremy laughed. Thwack! "Uncle Luke, do you think Jess would be up for playing catch with me sometimes? I mean, I know he's not into baseball or anything…"

Luke nodded. "He's not into baseball, but he's into you. I'm sure he'd come out here and throw the ball around with you if you asked him to. I doubt he has a glove, but he can use mine. You can come grab it from the diner whenever you want."

Thwack! Jeremy smiled, liking the idea of playing catch with Jess. He knew that teaching him to ride a bike had been a big deal for Jess. The guy had been grinning like he'd lost his mind the whole time they'd been out there this morning. It seemed like it was one of the most significant of the quintessential father son moments for Jess, and if Jess had gotten to have that, it only seemed fair that Jeremy should get the father son moment that was most important to him, too.

Thwack! Jeremy loved the rhythm of throwing the ball back and forth while they talked. "Thanks. Did you guys ever play catch when Jess was my age?"

Luke laughed as he caught the ball. "Oh, you're serious?" Luke chuckled again at his own reaction. "No, we did not. Jess was not the kind of teenager who wanted to play catch with his uncle."

Thwack! "Huh. He really missed out."

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On Thursday evening after his shift at the bookstore, Jess sat in his car, staring at his phone, or more precisely at the name of his first passenger of the night, wondering if it was ridiculous to wonder if this could be the same woman. It _was_ a small town. Jess pulled up in front of an apartment building several blocks away from the town square. He smiled as he saw Jeremy's guidance counselor standing at the curb, in a long red coat, revealing shapely bare legs from the knee down and low black heels, shielding her eyes from the glare of the setting sun with one hand as she checked his license plate and aimed a small wave at his car. Jess felt a rush of not unwelcome nerves as the woman opened the back door and climbed inside the car. "Mallory?" He asked casually, his standard inquiry to verify his passenger's identity.

"Jess?" Mallory pulled the car door closed behind her and clicked her seatbelt in place.

"Hey, it's nice to see you again."

"You too!" Jess could hear the surprised smile in the woman's voice, and he made sure to keep facing straight ahead until he could control the idiot grin on his face.

"So, let's see." Jess scrolled down his phone to view his passenger's destination. "Tonight, you're heading to…...the Capital Grille in Hartford?"

"That's right." Jess quickly took in Mallory's appearance in the rearview mirror. She was wearing her hair pinned up on top of her head, a few tendrils of black hair spilling out and framing her face, her red lipstick shining as she smiled, and a black cocktail dress was visible through the open front of her coat. She looked good. Between the destination and the way she was dressed, Jess knew she was going on a date, and he felt a sinking feeling in his stomach.

"Swanky place." Jess acknowledged appreciably. He had instinctively started blocking out the memory of the one time he had been to the Capital Grille in Philadelphia, to celebrate his two year anniversary with Charisse, before he realized that the memory no longer hurt. That somewhere along the line, those memories had lost their ability to bring him to his knees, and his time with Charisse had become something from his past that he could look back on with gratitude for having had, instead of something that still needed to be mourned in the present. He aimed for casual conversation with Mallory, knowing he couldn't come right out and ask her if she was going on a date no matter how much he wanted to. "Are you celebrating something special tonight?"

"You could say that." She laughed. "My brother is in Hartford for work this week. I'm meeting him at the Capital Grille to help him celebrate his expense account."

Jess chuckled, trying not to grin like an idiot at the lack of mention of a boyfriend. "Ah, that sounds like as good a reason as any."

"He's an accountant up in Boston. He has one client in Hartford that he comes out to meet with once a year. He always takes me out somewhere fancy when he's in the city."

Jess huffed out a quiet laugh.

"What's so funny?" Mallory asked, her tone playful, and Jess was relieved that he hadn't offended her.

"Oh, sorry. I just moved back to Stars Hollow and I'm still not used to hearing people refer to Hartford as 'the city'."

"Ah, a big city snob, huh?" Her tone was teasing.

"Well, I am a New Yorker, so I guess I'm a little biased. It's hard for me to think of an area with a population of fewer than 150,000 people as 'the city'. If that makes me a big city snob." Jess shrugged, infusing a generous dose of charm into his voice. "Well, hey, I've been called worse."

"Huh….And, yet you ended up back in our little corner of the world." Her voice was warm and engaged, and it gave Jess a thrill to hear it directed at him. "I wouldn't expect a city boy like you to think our little town would have much to offer."

Jess purposely made eye contact in the rearview mirror, going for directness and sincerity. "Oh, I think Stars Hollow has a lot to offer." He watched the smile slowly spread across her face.

"So, if I may ask, what brought you back to our humble hamlet?" He could feel the genuine interest beneath the teasing tone.

"Do you really want me to bore you with that story?"

"I really do. I'm a counselor. I love hearing other people's stories." Jess kept his eyes on the road, but he could hear the smile in Mallory's voice and he felt a small flutter in his belly.

"I warn you, it's a long one."

"Well, how perfect is that when we've got a long ride ahead of us?"

"And, I assure you, it lacks a riveting plot twist and possibly any real character development."

She laughed and it made Jess smile. He pulled to a stop at the stop sign in the wooded outskirts of Stars Hollow. "Hold that thought!" Jess heard the back door open and turned around to see the back of her coat as she exited his car. Before he had time to wonder if he had taken the jokes about the quality of his story too far, Mallory was opening the passenger door and getting in the front seat next to him. It made him think of Jeremy doing the opposite the day they had left Philly and were arguing about Winston not wearing a safety harness, and he found the similarity endearing. "Ok, that's better." She grinned at Jess. "It's weird to have a real conversation with someone from the backseat, especially when you actually know the driver." She pulled the seatbelt across her body, clicked it into place, and tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear as she smiled at him. "Ok. Hit me with it."

Jess moved the car forward past the stop sign, loving everything about this moment. This time he didn't bother trying to hide his idiot grin.

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Jeremy was home by himself. Baseball practice had ended at five, he didn't have a shift at the diner, and Jess was off driving for Uber. Jeremy was sitting on the floor, petting Winston, and thinking about his life. Particularly about Melissa. He missed her. He missed having a girlfriend that he was special to, someone who wanted to spend as much time with him as she could. He had made some friendly acquaintances at school, but no real friends. There were a few guys on the baseball team that he was friendly with, but he doubted there was time for them to get much closer before the season and high school ended. The closest to a real friend he had was Cassidy. She was the only person he had done anything with one on one since he got here, and that had only been one movie. He wondered if she would be willing to go to the prom with him. It was early still, but people were already talking about it. It wouldn't be a date, he knew that. She wasn't into him like that. She was into Andy Reynolds. She was pretty obvious about it. But, Andy had apparently been dating Charlotte Horvath since sophomore year. And, Jeremy couldn't say he was really into Cassidy as more than a friend either. But, still, it might be nice to have a member of the opposite sex to go to the prom with, even just as friends.

He didn't regret moving to Stars Hollow. He knew he had gained far more than he'd lost in leaving Philadelphia. Melissa was really the only person from his life there that he missed. And, he knew she didn't miss him nearly as much. He could still remember how sad he had felt when he had gotten his phone back after being grounded and seen that he didn't have any messages from Melissa. He had told her about his punishment before he left Philadelphia because he hadn't wanted her to think he was blowing her off. But, he had still hoped to find a few texts from her. Maybe a merry christmas, or a happy birthday, or, better yet, an I miss you. But, there had been none. And, the few times he had reached out since had been disappointing. Long messages on his end had been met with short, but not unkind responses, then a longer one telling him that she had to go because she was meeting a friend, or stepping into a movie, or heading off on a date. He thought back to their last conversation in front of the school the day he and Jess had left Philly. How she had told him that she believed they had come into each other's lives for a reason and that he would always be a good memory to her and that she wished him an amazing life, before she kissed him one last time and walked away. It had been a goodbye if he ever heard one. Melissa had always known exactly what she wanted and wasn't shy about making it known. The way she knew her own mind had been one of the things that had made Jeremy gravitate toward her from the beginning.

Jeremy had loved her. She had been the most significant person in his life other than Jess or his mom or Luke. She had been his first girlfriend and he had never had any really close friends, just a roommate or two at various placements over the years that he had clicked with on some level, or teammates that he had been buddies with for a season, but none of those situations ever progressed into real friendship. Melissa had been the first person in years that he had told real stuff to and shared how he felt. He knew, had known even then, that he hadn't been as important to her as she had been to him. She had dated guys before him and she had friends she'd known for years, some her whole life. It was different for her. He was just a guy she had dated for a couple of months, a nice memory, but nothing that she needed to hold onto.

Jeremy reflected on how many people had come through his life over the years. All the classmates at all the different schools he'd been to. The multitude of other children he had lived with, other foster kids and the biological children of his foster parents. All the foster parents themselves, and group home workers, teachers and social workers. All the short term relationships that had ended and left him alone and bereft. All the missing and crying and wanting he had done in his early years before he had really understood how things went for him, that being alone was his norm. Jeremy wondered if he would ever get to the point where a current hurt or rejection didn't send him tumbling back into all the pain of his childhood, making him feel the unwantedness he had lived with for so long all over again. Jeremy petted Winston's curled up little body next to him and didn't fight back the tears that had started. He needed to cry sometimes, and now, with Jess gone, was as good a time as any. He wasn't sure how long they sat together like that before he heard a key in the door, and Jess walked into the apartment, a happy smile on his face. Winston raised his head to look at Jess, but stayed by Jeremy's side, and Jeremy thought about how lucky he was to have Winston and Jess in his life.

Jeremy felt a moment of guilt as Jess's smile faded upon seeing his tear stained face. "Hey, Jeremy, are you ok?"

Jeremy nodded. "I'm ok." It was the truth. He was ok. Some nights were just harder than others, and they might always be. But, he really was ok. He could be grateful for what he had and still grieve for the lonely child he had been at the same time. Both those things would always be a part of him.

Jess walked over to his son and crouched down on the other side of Winston, absently putting one hand on the dog's head as he kept his eyes on Jeremy. Winston's tail beat a steady rhythm against the floor as he wagged it for Jess's return. "What's the matter, Jeremy? Did something happen?"

Jeremy shrugged. "Nothing happened. I was just thinking about stuff…"

Jeremy could see the concern on his father's face. "What kind of stuff?"

"Nothing in particular. Just life stuff, I guess." Jeremy wiped slowly at his face, not really embarrassed, but not wanting to make Jess worry.

"Is there anything I can do?" Jess asked.

Jeremy shook his head. "I don't think so." He huffed out a laugh at the small frown on Jess's face. "I know you don't like hearing this." He said gently. "But, there are some things you can't fix." Jeremy shrugged again. "Some days are just…..hard."

Jess nodded seriously. "Ok. I hear that. Is it ok if I hang out here with you and Winston? I haven't seen my boys all day." Jess sat down on the other side of Winston, his back against the front of the couch, the same as Jeremy's, and his legs stretched out in front of him.

Jeremy smiled. "You don't have to do that. I'm ok. Really."

Jess reached out a hand and ran it through Jeremy's hair as he looked at his son. "You want me to go somewhere else?"

"No. But it feels pretty silly that we're all sitting on the floor." Jeremy smiled again. "With all this furniture going to waste."

"I don't mind." Jess said solemnly.

"I haven't eaten yet. Do you want to go sit at the table and have something to eat with me?" Jeremy hadn't eaten, that was true. He couldn't honestly say he was hungry, but he knew Jess always came home famished on the nights he worked both jobs.

"Ok. If that's what you want to do. But, I'm good sitting right here."

Jeremy smiled. "Thanks. But, I think we should get up now."

Jess stood up and Jeremy accepted the hand Jess reached down to him, letting him pull him to his feet. He really was ok.


	35. Chapter 35 - Playing Catch

**Chapter 35 Notes** \- Jess thinks about Mallory and Jeremy takes another shot at a difficult conversation. I hope you all had a fun and safe New Year's Eve, and I wish you all a happy 2019! Thanks for all the great comments and feedback on the last chapter. Your reviews always give me lots to think about and they are much appreciated.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jess was feeling good. It was a beautiful morning. He listened to the birds chirping and the sound of his own sneakered feet pounding against the pavement as he ran through town. He felt grateful for the spring weather after being cooped up in the gym for most of the winter. The gym had its place in his workout routine, it would have to in New England winters after all, but while Jess felt that he could get a decent cardio workout on the treadmill, nothing beat running outdoors to clear his head and give him a real runner's high. Something about the forward motion always seemed to help him work through a troubled mind in a way that nothing else could. Not that he was troubled this morning, not exactly. This morning his thoughts were focused on Mallory Howard.

Jess was thinking about having her in his car two nights ago. How well things had gone between them. The conversation flowing easily the entire way to Hartford, the forty-five minute drive infused with what Jess could only describe as playful first date energy. Mallory was funny and charming, but also thoughtful and compassionate. Jess had started off, as promised, with the story of how he had ended up back in Stars Hollow. He had downplayed the tragedy of his job loss and the fire and played up the comedic aspects of being back in one of his childhood homes with a son of his own and spending more time than any adult should with his family. Being Liz's kid hadn't been easy, still wasn't really, but she had certainly given him fodder for endless stories of family wackiness that could be lightened and played for a laugh in a pinch. Mallory had listened attentively, smiling and laughing in all the right places, then followed up with a level of serious empathy that had taken Jess by surprise even as he appreciated the genuineness of the sentiment.

He had prompted her for her story then, egging her on when she was hesitant, saying he'd shown her his, it was only fair. She had laughed, saying there wasn't much to tell. Her family was boringly normal, but loving and supportive. Pediatrician mom, veterinarian dad, accountant older brother. And she wanted to have a boringly normal, but loving family of her own someday. What had struck Jess the most was how educated her family was. Jess had been glad that he had instinctively held back the details of his own education. Glossing over the reason for losing his job at Truncheon and describing himself as having been downsized due to a corporate merger. She had talked about her job, how much she loved working with this age group and helping teenagers transition into adulthood and plan their futures, how she found adolescence to be the most hopeful age when anything still felt possible and she felt grateful to get to be a part of helping the students she counseled work toward achieving their dreams. She had talked about how weird it was to be back at their old school as an adult and an authority figure. How she felt that some of the teachers who had been there when she was a student still didn't take her seriously even after being there for ten years.

They had reminisced about having had Coach O'Neill, the sixty-something year old football coach who couldn't seem to talk without yelling, as their own guidance counselor back in high school. They had almost been at their destination when Jess had quipped how jealous he was of his son, that if Jess had had a guidance counselor like her in high school he might have actually made an attempt to get his shit together, that Jeremy didn't know how good he had it. The mention of Jeremy's name hadn't exactly brought the conversation to a crashing halt, but it had created an awkward pause as the reality of the situation had hit Jess, causing him to reflect on the reason he couldn't pursue anything with this woman, at least not at the moment. He assumed it had hit Mallory too, as he watched her smile dim, her straight white teeth no longer visible, the corners of her mouth still curved up, but lacking the previous playful demeanor. Jess had been desperate not to let the conversation end on such an awkward note, as if someone had thrown cold water over the previous forty-five minutes of his life, extinguishing the sparks he had felt between them. His eyes had landed on the flyers laying in the console between the seats, for the author reading night at the bookstore, and he told her about the event, handing her a flyer after he had pulled up in front of the Capital Grille, telling her that if she didn't already have plans for Thursday night she might want to come check it out. She had smirked and come back with a remark about Stars Hollow being so fortunate to have a city boy like Jess bringing culture into their small backward town. He had laughed, saying, hey, he was doing what he could, fulfilling his moral obligation to the good folks of Mayberry. Maybe he'd see her there. Maybe, she had smiled as she thanked him and stepped out of the car.

The parting hadn't been as awkward as the moments leading up to it, but they hadn't returned to the same energy as the first forty minutes of the ride, either. He had thought at the time that inviting her to the reading had been fine, since the bookstore was a public place and there would be, Jess hoped, lots of people there. But, now he was starting to question if even that was something that he should have checked with Jeremy about first. He couldn't imagine how he would have reacted if Luke had shown any interest in one of his teachers or counselors when he'd been in high school. But, Jeremy was a very different and more mature kid than he had been. He had spent his last two years of high school serving as an impediment to the relationship he knew Luke had wanted with Lorelai. He couldn't imagine Jeremy doing the same to him. Jeremy was a more thoughtful and generous kid than he had been and he would want to see Jess happy. Jess hadn't mentioned the encounter with Mallory when he had come home that night, having been too distracted by his son sitting on the floor with tears on his face, but he decided he would bring it up to Jeremy to give him a fair warning that his guidance counselor might show up at the reading. It would also be a good opportunity to gauge Jeremy's reaction to him showing an interest in Mallory.

Jess knew he had to put Jeremy first and that nothing could happen while the boy was still a student at Mallory's school. Just as Jess started to comfort himself with the thought that graduation was only a few short months away, he was hit with the uneasy thought that he was dating for two now. That Jeremy's feelings had a place in his romantic life, and that depending on how much the boy had opened up to Mallory as his counselor, Jeremy might not be ok with Jess dating her even after he graduated. Jess had never done anything more than grunt in response to anything a guidance counselor had said to him when he was a teenager, but he knew that Jeremy had already confided in Mallory about the adoption. He wondered what else the boy had told her and if he had said anything that would leave him feeling uncomfortable around her socially even after he was done with high school. If Jeremy had revealed too many personal details to Mallory, Jess could end up in a situation akin to dating his kid's therapist and that seemed all kinds of wrong, far worse than dating his teacher. Fuck.

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Jeremy was trying to follow the instructor on the youtube video he was playing on his laptop, but he felt awkward and uncomfortable. He wasn't sure how long he could maintain his downward dog, or whether he was even doing it right to begin with. The fabric of the neckline of the loose long-sleeve tee-shirt he had worn to baseball practice was hanging in his face, bothering him, and his shoulders and hamstrings ached.

"If you're feeling tight, focus on relaxing your neck and shoulders." Jeremy tried to block out the discomfort of the pose and listen to the instructor's calm, soothing voice. "This is a good time to listen to your breathing and try to quiet your mind."

Jeremy heard Winston trot over to the door, followed by a key in the lock and Jess's soft laughter, as if the man wasn't sure if he was allowed to mock Jeremy for this. "Hey, boy!" Jess greeted Winston first, but Jeremy could hear distinct amusement in his voice. "How's my good pup? Huh? Who's my good boy?" Jeremy heard the sound of Winston's toenails tapping excitedly on the wood floor by the door. "C'mon, Winston. Let's go see what your brother is up to."

Jeremy felt Jess standing over him, heard Winston's nails tapping close to his head. "Whatcha doin'?"

Jeremy huffed in frustrating. "Painting a fence. What's it look like?"

The instructor spoke again. "Listen to what your inner self is telling you. Release the clutter in your mind. Just be."

Jess chuckled. "What exactly is your inner self telling you, Jeremy?"

Jeremy laughed. "Right now, it's telling me to ignore your mocking. Hey, do I look like her?" Jeremy tilted his upside down head in the direction of the laptop. He felt goofy and self-conscious having Jess catch him at this, but he figured Jess might be useful for letting him know if he was doing it right.

"Hmm…." Jeremy could hear the phony consideration in his father's voice and knew that whatever followed would be nonsense. "I can't say I see a resemblance to you, but she does kind of remind me of Charlize Theron. A serene to the point of possibly being doped up Charlize Theron."

"Come down through plank position, and move into cobra. Open your heart and roll your shoulders down."

Jeremy grunted as he followed the instructor into cobra. "I _meant_ , does my _form_ look like hers."

"Oh, that's an easy one! Nope."

Jeremy laughed and gave into his discomfort over practicing in front of his new audience. He pushed himself off the ground and into a kneeling position, sitting back on his heels, missing the next few poses as he looked up at Jess. "Coach Forrester says that we should have a regular stretching routine to do at home after practice, to help loosen tight muscles. And he says yoga is perfect because it helps with relaxation and mental health along with building physical strength and increasing flexibility."

Jeremy watched as Jess got the same weird, annoyed looking expression on his face that he always got whenever Jeremy mentioned Coach Forrester. Jeremy thought about what Luke had told him about parents taking an interest in what their kids were interested in, and how it didn't seem to always hold true for him and Jess. He wanted to ask what Jess had against his coach, but he didn't want to annoy Jess further.

"Well, if Coach Forrester says it…" Jess trailed off.

"He knows lot about yoga. His wife teaches it for her job. He recommended this youtube video." Jeremy tilted his head toward the laptop a few feet away from him on the floor. "That's his wife."

"Seriously?" Jess seemed interested then and crouched down in front of the laptop to check out the woman who was now demonstrating the warrior one pose. Jeremy thought she was pretty, long and lean, with a body sculpted to perfection from years of yoga, blond hair in a loose bun piled on top of her head, and a peaceful expression on her face even as she held the difficult poses. "Huh." Jess's mouth was set in a firm line, and he looked even more aggravated at the revelation.

Jeremy couldn't keep the smirk from his face as Jess turned toward him, one hand on the floor in front of him for balance. He tried to hold in a giggle, but failed. "You're so full of shit!" Jess grinned while he admonished Jeremy.

Jeremy laughed out loud. "I couldn't help it! His wife is pretty, though. I met her at the diner. But, I have no idea what she does for a job. Why does that guy bother you so much, anyway?"

"He doesn't _bother_ me." Jess said, his tone indicating how ridiculous he found the question. "Why would you even think that?"

"Um, because you get visibly annoyed every time I bring him up."

"I do not." Jess huffed indignantly. "You're so dramatic."

"I'm not dramatic." Jeremy shrugged nonchalantly. "I just notice stuff. When I first met him in the diner, he said that you guys went to high school together. Did you not like him back then, either?"

"I liked him just fine. I barely even knew the guy in high school."

"It doesn't sound like you liked him just fine." Jeremy smirked. "Was Coach Forrester your arch nemesis?"

"My arch nemesis? Really?" Jess scoffed. "No. He wasn't my arch nemesis, mostly because we weren't Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner."

Jeremy laughed. "Ok. Hey, I was just interested in your life. He's a nice guy now."

"I'm sure he is." Jess stood back up, and Jeremy could tell he wanted to end the conversation. "Winston and I are going to let you finish your video. It looks like you're missing some serious cat cow action right now."

Jeremy looked back at his laptop and saw that Jess was right. He got on all fours and copied the instructor's cow pose. "You know about yoga?" He asked Jess.

"I know about all kinds of stuff." Jeremy heard Jess start to walk away, Winston trotting next to him, then the footsteps stopped and he felt a startling but muted smack across the seat of his sweatpants, followed by Jess's quiet chuckling.

"Hey!" Jeremy turned his head to give Jess a dirty look, his eyes narrowed with playful annoyance, as he watched the man toss the throw pillow he had hit him with back onto the couch.

"Sorry, guess I couldn't help it either." Jess laughed. "Stop giving me a dirty look and pay attention to your video."

Jeremy smiled as he rounded his back into cat pose and listened to Jess's chuckling taper off as the man walked across the apartment and closed his bedroom door behind him to change out of his work clothes.

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Later that evening, Jess and Jeremy were sitting down to dinner. Jess had fried some eggs and veggie sausage and sauteed some spinach. Jeremy cooked about the same amount that Jess did, but this meal was becoming a staple when it was Jess's turn to cook. Jeremy knew Jess liked it because it was quick and only involved cleaning one frying pan afterward. And, it's not that Jeremy minded the meal in and of itself, but it's appearance at the dinner table was usually an indication that Jess was too tired to bother with anything more than eggs and that made Jeremy feel badly. Between the bookstore, Uber, and the diner, Jess had been working a lot of hours. Jeremy was glad that the author event at the bookstore would be over this week, so that at least one thing would be off Jess's plate.

"And…...Tapatio." Jess got up to retrieve the hot sauce from the cabinet and sat back down. "You good?"

"Yep." Jeremy nodded and broke off a piece of egg with his fork. "Thanks for making dinner."

Jess huffed out a laugh. "You're welcome, but I think you might be the only kid who thanks their parent for cooking them dinner. I'm not saying I don't appreciate your appreciation, but you really don't need to thank me."

Jeremy shrugged. "You always thank me when I cook."

Jess smiled. "I suppose I do."

"So, uh." Jeremy wanted to bring up college again. He had received two more emails offering him admittance into two more Pennsylvania state schools, and he knew he needed to talk to Jess, but he was feeling nervous and didn't want to rush into it. "Are things all set for your thing at the bookstore?"

An oddly guilty looked flashed across Jess's face for an instant. "Things are good to go for Thursday. You're still coming by, right?"

"Yeah, definitely. I'm going to bring some people, too."

"You are? Who?"

"Well, I guess I'm technically only bringing Cassidy, but she's bringing like two or three other people."

"Great, thanks for doing that." Jeremy felt good that he had people to bring, that he would be able to contribute something to an event Jess had been working so hard on.

"And, I overheard two girls in my physics lab talking about it today, too."

"Oh, yeah?" Jess raised one eyebrow in question.

"Yeah, they were making plans to go. They said it sounded like something different to do rather than just going to the movies or bowling like usual."

"Good. I'm hoping for a decent turnout. And, uh…"

Jeremy looked up at Jess, who now looked nervous as well as guilty. "What?"

"Nothing. I just ran into Mallory Howard, or Ms. Howard, I guess I should say, the other night. You're, uh, guidance counselor."

Jeremy frowned, more at how strange Jess was acting than at the content of what he was saying. "Yeah, I know who Ms. Howard is, Dad."

Jess chuckled. "Of course, you do. So, anyway, I picked her up the other night. For Uber. And, I drove her to Hartford and we were talking and I mentioned the event and she said she might come by and check it out. I just wanted to give you a heads up." Jess paused and took a sip of water. "So, is that ok? That's not something that would be weird for you, is it?"

"If Ms. Howard goes to your thing at the bookstore? No, why would that be weird for me?"

"I don't know." Jess shrugged. "I used to get annoyed when my teachers came into the diner while I was working. Sometimes it's weird to see someone outside the context of how you usually see them."

"Well, I'll be with Cassidy and her friends. And, I'm guessing Ms. Howard will bring someone, too. I'm not thinking she's going to want to hang out with me all night or anything. I'm sure it'll be fine."

"I'm sure you're right! I just wanted to let you know." Jeremy could tell from the increased cheerfulness in Jess's demeanor that he was being fake. It brought Jeremy back to the early days of living with Jess, when the man had tried too hard to be pleasant and happy all the time.

"Jess, you're being really weird. Is everything ok?"

"Yeah, of course! Everything's fine, Jeremy. I think I might be a little nervous about Thursday, that's all. This is the first author reading I've planned here, and these things went over well in Philly, but I'm not really sure what to expect here in terms of turnout and interest. I don't know. If I'm acting weird, I think it's just nerves."

Jeremy nodded. He could relate to that. He got nervous about pretty much everything, himself.

"Hey, Jeremy?"

Jeremy looked up from his plate, chewing his spinach as he looked at Jess. He covered his mouth with one hand, not wanting to miss a chance to give Jess the same response the man usually gave him. "Hey, Jess." He felt like his inflection was off.

Jess smiled, but Jeremy noted that it didn't reach his eyes and wondered if it was genuine. "I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what I did when you were doing yoga."

Jeremy still had his mouth full, but furrowed his brow in confusion, unsure what Jess was referring to.

"When I hit you with the pillow like that. In retrospect, it probably wasn't an ok thing to do."

Jeremy swallowed and put down his fork. "Jess, what's going on? You're still being weird. Why are you apologizing for hitting me with a pillow? It didn't hurt. You know that, right?"

"I know it didn't hurt, but I was just thinking about it while I was cooking, and it would have pissed me off at your age if one of Liz's boyfriends or husbands had done that to me, violated my personal space, hit me on the ass like that. I know things can be embarrassing, sometimes, even if they don't hurt. I was playing around with you and I got carried away and went too far and I'm sorry."

Jeremy could feel that he was staring at Jess in surprise, but he felt too shocked to school his expression into something normal. He thought carefully about how to respond. He knew Jess had been hit for real when he was a kid, and probably purposefully humiliated as well, and while Jeremy didn't consider Jess hitting him with a pillow to be a big deal, he didn't want to be dismissive of something that clearly mattered to his father. "It's ok, Dad. It didn't upset me. It maybe surprised me a little, I guess, because you don't usually do stuff like that." Jeremy paused. "But, it's fine. I wasn't hurt or embarrassed or anything. And, I'm not mad. Ok?"

Jess nodded. "Ok. Thank you."

Jeremy nodded back at him. "And, I don't think I like you comparing yourself to Liz's boyfriends like that. I think it would have pissed me off, too, if one of Liz's boyfriends, or even TJ, hit me on the ass with a pillow. But, this wasn't like that. You weren't comfortable with those guys. You hated some of them. Do you really believe that I ever think about you the way you thought about Liz's boyfriends when you were a kid?"

"I hope not." "I don't know. It was the point of reference that popped into my head while I was cooking."

"Well, it's not a good one." Jeremy spoke slowly, as if explaining something to a small child. "You're my dad and my forever person. I love you, and I know that you love me. I'm guessing you never felt that way about any of Liz's boyfriends."

"I can't say that I did." Jess still looked sad and guilty. It reminded Jeremy of Winston that one time shortly after they had brought him home from the shelter when they had both slept in and the dog had wet the floor of the apartment in Philadelphia. Winston's forlorn expression had broken Jeremy's heart then, too.

"I don't want you to feel bad about this, Jess. It wasn't a big deal. At all. It was you being annoying for about two seconds." Jeremy smirked. "And, that's nothing. Usually when you're annoying, it lasts much longer than that."

Jess huffed out a quiet laugh. "Oh, wow. Kick a guy when he's down, huh?"

Jeremy grinned. "If it will make you feel better, I can sneak up on you like a ninja and smack you in the face with a pillow when you least expect it. Then, we'll be even."

Jess chuckled.

Jeremy's expression turned serious. "We're fine, though, ok? I need to know that you know that."

Jess nodded. "I got it. Thanks."

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"Hey, nephew. How was practice?" Luke greeted Jeremy as he walked into the diner. Unless, Jeremy had Winston with him, he always entered and exited the apartment through the diner so that he got to say hi to Luke.

"It was good."

"Yeah? Did Coach Forrester have you guys practice turning a double play again? You don't want a repeat of what happened at the last game." Luke finished clearing the dirty dishes from a table by the door, wiped down the table top and carried the bus tray toward the counter. Jeremy trailed behind him. Sometimes Jeremy still felt overwhelmed by the fact that he now had people in his life who cared about the small, insignificant details of his days, who went to his games and asked relevant questions about things that were important to him.

"Yeah, we ran through it a bunch of times. He was pretty nice about what happened last time, though. He doesn't really get mad about stuff. He says every time we mess up, it's just an opportunity to learn how to do something better. That's cool, right? Most coaches like to yell about stuff like that."

Luke set the bus tray on the shelf under the counter. "That does sound pretty cool. And, probably more productive than yelling."

Jeremy looked around then and didn't see another server. He figured that was why Luke was bussing tables himself. "Are you short-handed tonight? Want me to go change and come help you out?"

Luke smiled at Jeremy. "That depends. Have you talked to Jess about college yet, about you not wanting to go away for school?"

Jeremy looked down at the counter between them. "Not yet…...but, I will."

"You've got into what, three schools now?"

Jeremy nodded, looking back up at Luke. "Yeah. Three."

"You need to talk to him, Jeremy. Putting it off like this is only going to make it harder."

Jeremy nodded, feeling his face warm with embarrassment. Luke was right. He was being a coward. "I know…"

"Jess isn't driving tonight, right?"

Jess nodded. "No, he's not. He should be home soon."

"Then thank you for your offer, but I can handle things down here by myself. I'm thinking your evening would be better spent talking to Jess about what's on your mind. I think you'll feel better after. What do you think?"

Jeremy sighed. "I think you're right."

"So, you'll talk to him? Tonight?"

Jeremy hadn't planned on bringing it up to Jess tonight, but he knew once he told Luke he would that he would follow through. He didn't want Luke to think he couldn't be trusted. "Yeah. Ok. I'll talk to him tonight."

"Good man." Luke patted Jeremy on the shoulder just as Cesar rang the bell to signal a ready order. "I'll be looking forward to hearing how it went tomorrow. But, I think Jess is going to surprise you. He loves you so much, Jeremy. He's going to be open to what you have to tell him. I know it."

Jeremy nodded and watched Luke walk toward the kitchen to pick up the plates of food. In a way, he was relieved that Luke had called him out on his delay in talking to Jess and made him commit to a deadline. He didn't want it hanging over his head any longer, but he knew he had needed that push.

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Jeremy had changed out of his practice clothes and was sitting at the table reading a novel beside two takeout containers from the diner, two glasses of water, and a stack of napkins when Jess walked in. Jeremy turned to watch his father greet Winston. "Hey Dad, I brought up veggie burgers and fries from downstairs. Is that ok for dinner?"

"That sounds great." Jess walked over to the table with Winston trotting along at his side and dropped a kiss on Jeremy's head. "Thank you."

"Sure. So, I was thinking….."

"You were, huh?" Jess pulled off his hoodie and tossed it onto the armchair before taking a seat at the table across from Jeremy with a smile.

Jeremy laughed a little nervously. "Yeah, and you don't have to work tonight, right?"

"That's correct." Jess pulled one of the styrofoam containers toward him, along with a water glass and a napkin, and Jeremy did the same.

"And neither do I."

Jess was looking at Jeremy suspiciously. "I figured that's why you're here instead of downstairs. I'm pretty smart like that."

Jeremy smiled. "And, I finished all my homework at school today during my free period."

"Aren't you a smarty-pants." Jess opened his takeout container, picked up a fry and popped it in his mouth.

"And, I got takeout because I thought it would be quick, no prep and no cleanup, right?"

"That's usually how it goes with takeout, yes." Jess confirmed, still looking at Jeremy oddly.

"So, I was thinking, since we have all this free time tonight, and there's still another hour or so of daylight, that maybe…...well, would you want to go outside and play catch with me after dinner?" Jeremy had thought about his promise to Luke and decided that talking to Jess while they tossed a baseball around might be the easiest way to go.

"Me?" Jess looked confused and a little skeptical. "Isn't that your thing with Luke?"

"It is, but it could be our thing, too. I don't get the impression that Uncle Luke is the jealous type." Jeremy smiled at Jess.

"I would love to Jeremy, but I don't even have a glove." Jeremy felt a small tug in his chest at how genuinely disappointed Jess looked at missing out on this opportunity to play with him.

"That's ok. Uncle Luke said you can borrow his. He keeps it in the diner for when me and him play."

Jess smiled, eager, but uncertain. "It won't be like playing with Luke, though, just so you know. I probably won't be as good as you two are. I haven't even worn a glove since I was a little kid."

"I don't care about that." Jeremy smiled encouragingly. "I've always wanted to play catch with my dad, from the time I was little and first joined Little League. I don't care how good you are at it. I just want to do it with you."

Jess smiled warmly at him, and Jeremy's heart felt full. As he looked at his father, he didn't know what he had been worried about. This was a man who had looked crestfallen a moment ago at the idea of not getting to play catch with him and who had apologized for hitting him with a pillow the other day. This wasn't a man who was going to be a hardass and not listen to how Jeremy felt. This conversation was going to go so much better than Jeremy had been anticipating. He was sure of that now. He could feel it.

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Thwack! Jess was enjoying himself a lot more than he expected. He tried to remember the last time he had had a baseball glove on his hand. He knew he had owned one at some point during his childhood, could remember one of Liz's husband's putting him on a team when he had been eight or nine maybe, but Jess's baseball career had ended before the season had, cut short when Liz had walked out on the guy. He didn't know if he had ever played again after that, and he couldn't even remember if he had taken the glove with him when they had moved out of the man's apartment. He knew that Jeremy had started off throwing pretty light to him, as he had gotten the hang of it again, but they had soon fallen into a steady rhythm. He could understand why people did this. He liked all of it. The fond and proud look he had received from Luke when he had borrowed his uncle's glove, the warm, cozy feeling of being outside with his son in the slowly fading evening light, the easy and unhurried flow of conversation, and the sound of the ball smacking into his glove with grounding regularity.

"So, I have something to tell you." Jeremy said.

Jess had already listened to Jeremy tell him about his day at school and baseball practice and he wondered what was on Jeremy's mind that needed this kind of lead in. Thwack! "I'm all ears."

"I got into college." Jeremy said it almost shyly. His voice lowering for the announcement.

Jess almost forgot to lift his glove for the ball rushing toward him. Thwack! "Jeremy, Congratulations! That's great! I'm so proud of you!" Jess's first instinct was hurt at not having been told immediately when Jeremy had found out, and Jess tried to rein that emotion in. He hated it when someone's first reaction to news was 'why didn't you tell me' even as they were being told. He didn't want to be the kind of parent who met something like this with criticism and made it about him. If Jeremy hadn't told him right away, he must have had his reasons, maybe he had been waiting for an idyllic moment like this one to make his announcement. Jess bit down on the question he wanted to ask, about when Jeremy had heard. "Which school?"

"Three of the Penn States. Abington. University Park. And, Scranton."

Thwack! Jess got emotional watching his son glowing with pride at his achievement. He was proud of Jeremy, so proud of the kid's ability to stick out school and do well at it even though he hadn't had the easiest life, but he also felt a sharp and immediate sense of loss, as though the boy had told him that he was getting on a bus and leaving for school the next day. "Three of them. Wow, that's amazing, Jeremy! I'm so proud of you." Jess wanted to hug his son, to kiss him on the head and hold him tightly. But, he recognized that if Jeremy had chosen to tell him now, mid-catch, a hug must not be the reaction the boy was looking for, at least not at the moment.

"Thanks."

Thwack! "So, uh, which one is it going to be?" Jess asked, trying to keep the emotion out of his voice. His kid got into college. This was a good thing. This was fucking amazing.

"I don't know yet. I kind of want to talk to you about that." Jess watched the boy's expression change, take on a hint of nervousness. "I've been thinking that maybe it would be better if I stayed local for school…"

Thwack! "I thought you only applied to schools in Pennsylvania."

"I did." Jeremy nodded. "But, I was thinking that if I want to stay in Connecticut, I could always take a semester off and work, or go to a local community college and then transfer to a Connecticut state school for my sophomore year. I would qualify for instate tuition by then so it would be cheaper, too. There's lots of options."

Thwack! This again. Jess hated to see his kid feeling like he had to sacrifice something as important as college because he thought they couldn't afford it. Jess sighed. "Jeremy, we talked about this. You're going to a real college in the fall. You don't need to worry about money like this." Thwack! "I'm not saying it's going to be easy to swing, but I know how hard you've worked for this. We can handle this. We'll make it work."

"But, I'm ok with community college for a semester, or a year. And, I think maybe that's what I want to do. I kind of want to stay around here. Lots of people do it and then transfer to a four year state school."

Thwack! Jess knew he was doing something wrong, because Jeremy looked like he was getting more stressed instead of less. "I know they do. And, if I was going back to school, that's what I would do. But, listen to me. Are you listening?"

Jeremy nodded, his expression tight. "Yeah. I'm listening."

Thwack! "You've worked your ass off to do well at school, Jeremy. I've seen it this last year and I know how hard it must have been to get the kind of grades you get when you had to switch schools as many times as you've had to, and when things weren't good at your placements. I respect how seriously you've taken your education." Thwack! "I couldn't graduate high school even when I lived with Luke for my junior and senior years, in a stable and loving home. I have so much respect for what you've been able to accomplish, mostly on your own, with no one to push you to study or care if you did your homework." Thwack! "You deserve college, Jeremy. A real one, with challenging classes and good professors. I want you to have the whole experience and get to live in a dorm and eat shitty cafeteria food and pass college girls in pajamas in the hall on your way to the showers at night." Thwack! "I want you to have everything I was too stupid and stubborn to know I should have wanted. You're not a burden, Jeremy." Jess felt himself getting emotional, but he believed in the rightness, the absolute sincerity, of what he was saying, and he hoped his words were sinking in with his son. "You are my one child. You are my one purpose. And, I don't care if I need to live in Luke's apartment and work three jobs for the next four years, I'm going to give you this. Ok?"

Thwack! Jess could see Jeremy's eyes shining with tears in the near dark. He knew his own emotions weren't that far from surfacing either, but it didn't matter because he felt like he had really gotten through to his son. The boy wiped at one eye with the sleeve of his tee-shirt before he threw the ball. Thwack! As the baseball left Jess's hand on its way back to Jeremy, two things happened. Kirk screamed out from their left for Petal, and Jess watched his son's eyes cut toward the sound for a moment, while the pig shot out from the other direction in the dark and collided with Jeremy's leg just as he was stepping in to make the catch. Jess watched as if in slow motion as the boy stumbled a step, unable to right himself and bring his glove up in time as the ball flew toward his face.

The next thing Jess knew he was running toward Jeremy, then on the ground, reaching out to his kneeling son. Jeremy had both hands pressed over his left eye, head down, chest hunched forward protectively, crying without sound, and breaking Jess's heart.


	36. Chapter 36 - ER's and Black Eyes

**Chapter 36 Notes:** This chapter is the fallout from Jeremy's baseball injury. I tried to get this up as quickly as possible for those who were worried about his eye. Thanks for all the comments and feedback from the last chapter!

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jeremy felt like a firework had gone off in his head. He couldn't remember the last time he had felt physical pain this intense. Maybe never. He hunched protectively forward, covering his face with his hands, obeying the deeply rooted self-preservation instinct to fold in on himself when hurt, hide himself from the world, make himself less vulnerable. He heard rustling in the grass, felt movement in front of him, a hand gentle on his head, then Jess speaking in a tone Jeremy could tell was intended to be soothing, but instead sounded urgent, bordering on panic. "Let me see, Jeremy! Let me see!" Then, Jess's hands were gently prying Jeremy's own from his face. Jeremy heard another voice. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry, is he ok? I can't believe that just happened." Jeremy allowed his hands to be pulled down, each of his hands being held in one of Jess's now, Jess being gentle with him even as he snarled at Kirk. "Back the fuck off, Kirk!" Jeremy heard a soft oinking noise circling around them. "I mean it, Kirk. Get out of my face!" Then gently, to him. "Look at me, Jeremy. Let me see your eye." Jeremy did as he was told, tears still streaming from his eyes and down his face, everything a blur of tears and pain. Jeremy wasn't sure he could see out of his left eye, and he started to panic. He saw Jess's expression, nervous and scared, but not pulling back in disgust, and it reassured him that his eye was still where it was supposed to be, and not grotesquely damaged. Jeremy felt Jess gently cup a palm over his right eye. "Jeremy, how many fingers am I holding up?" Jeremy didn't know. He could see out of his left eye, but everything was blurry. He could see the outline of a second Jess slightly off center of the real one. "I don't know! I can't tell!" He could feel himself panicking now. "It's too blurry, Jess!" Then Kirk again. "You should get him to a hospital, Jess. It could be serious. My brother Mick got hit in the head with a ball when we were kids and he hasn't been right since." And, Jess removing his hand from Jeremy's right eye as he spit through clenched teeth. "Back off, Kirk. I'm not going to tell you again!" Jeremy heard Luke's voice, saying something to Kirk that ended with, 'under control.' He heard footsteps receding, taking the oinking along with them. Then Luke was crouching in front of him next to Jess, his voice steady and calm in contrast to Jess's, or Jeremy's own. "All right, let's get you to a hospital, nephew. Jess, I'll drive you guys. I'm parked right here. Let's get him to the truck." Jeremy allowed himself to be helped up by hands on either side of him. He didn't realize how queasy he felt until he started to move. Luke's truck was parked at the town square and soon Jeremy was belted into the middle seat, between Luke and Jess, on the way to the emergency room. Jeremy tried to tamp down his panic. Jess was rubbing the back of Jeremy's neck, repeating some variation of the same two phrases over and over like a mantra. "I'm so sorry. Everything is going to be ok."

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By the time the doctor came back in with the x-ray, Jess was feeling significantly calmer about the situation. When they had first been brought in, the doctor had done a clinical exam and declared the eye itself undamaged. The blurred and double vision that had been present immediately after impact was lessening, which she explained was typical following what she suspected to be a simple orbital blowout fracture. Jeremy's face was bruised and puffy, and the white of his eye was a freakish looking red, but the doctor had said that was normal, too. She needed to take an x-ray to confirm her diagnosis, but she had believed the fracture had occured at the delicate bones of the orbital floor, leaving the rim intact, an injury that would heal on its own, without any permanent damage. She had given Jeremy an injection of something that she said would help with the pain and also calm him down, and they had spent the last thirty minutes waiting, with Jess perched on the side of the small cot Jeremy was lying on, petting his son's head and carding his hand through the boy's hair, Luke sitting in the plastic chair by the bed that one of the nurses had brought over. Jess looked down at his son, who did seem much calmer and less hurt now, as if he could fall asleep at any moment.

Jess stood to greet the returning doctor, and listened as she showed them the x-ray on her ipad, and pointed out the fracture, confirming her earlier diagnosis. She talked about prescribing a nasal decongestant to help drain any blood or other fluids that had made its way into the sinuses, and an antibiotic to prevent infection. The decongestant would also help Jeremy avoid blowing his nose or sneezing, the pressure from which could result in further damage. Jess heard Jeremy slowly sitting up in bed, and felt the boy's arms snake around his waist where he stood next to the bed. Jess looked down in concern at his son, who dropped the undamaged side of his head against Jess's chest while he leaned unsteadily into Jess, still hugging his middle. Jess took a step toward the bed to minimize Jeremy's leaning and raised a hand to rest on the boy's head. The doctor continued on about how strenuous activity should be avoided for the time being and anything that could cause a reinjury, such as baseball or basketball or anything else that could result in a blow to the face, should be avoided for a few weeks while the bone was still healing.

"But, Jess! But, Jess!" Jess looked down at his son, who was whispering urgently as he pulled on Jess's shirt with one hand, his arms still wrapped around Jess. "But, I play on the baseball team. I have to play second base. Tell her, Jess. Tell her!"

Jess looked back up at the doctor, unsure whether he should be worried or embarrassed, to see her smiling kindly at Jeremy. "It looks like someone's feeling a little loopy from his pain meds."

"Is this normal?" Jess looked back down at his son, who now had his eyes closed as he rested against Jess.

The doctor smiled and took her pad out of her pocket. "It happens. Everyone reacts a little differently to each painkiller." She ripped out two pages and handed them to Jess. "Here is the antibiotic and the decongestant." She flipped the third page out of her way and started writing on a fresh sheet. "But, I'm going to give you a prescription for something different for the pain killer. If he reacts like this to what he's on now, he is likely to be good with this one." She ripped the page out and handed that one to Jess, too.

"Thanks. So, will he be able to go back to baseball before the season's over? It's his senior year."

"There's what, a month and a half left of the school year at this point?" The doctor asked.

"Almost two months." Jess corrected.

"It's going to take a couple of weeks until the bruising and swelling are gone. But, that won't mean that the bone has healed. I would say he should avoid sports for the next month or so, at least, and if he was my kid, I'd have him sit out the rest of the season."

"Jess! Hey, Jess!" Jeremy was looking up at him, pulling on him again, like a little kid. "Don't you think she's kind of mean? I think she's kind of mean."

Jess heard Luke laughing behind him, and he turned back to the doctor sheepishly. "I'm sorry about those two. At least my kid has an excuse."

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"Jeremy, stop squirming around. Be careful of your eye." They were back in the truck. Jeremy was still pretty loopy and Jess was trying to get him to settle down for the ride home, but the kid was fidgeting around like he had ants in his pants.

"Sorry, Dad. Sorry." Jeremy stopped moving and rested the right side of his face on Jess's shoulder, burrowing slightly into Jess's side.

"That's better." Jess wrapped his arm around his son's shoulders. Now that the worry was over, Jess was finding Jeremy's tactile and affectionate behavior endearing. He liked the idea of the boy reacting to substances by being clingy and cuddly and somehow linked it in his head to low odds of Jeremy being a bad drunk later in life.

Jeremy lifted his head, scooted a few inches away from Jess and put his head back down on Jess's shoulder. "Jess, have you ever noticed that you're kind of short?"

Luke barked out a laugh, and Jess shot him a look. "You're seriously going to encourage this?"

"You're seriously going to take offense?" Luke countered. "The kid's completely out of it." Luke chuckled. "And, it's not like you've never noticed you're short."

Jeremy giggled. "Dad, Uncle Luke just called you short! Did you hear him? That wasn't very nice!"

"I heard." Jess reached up and petted his son's head as it rested against his shoulder. "You doing ok, kid?"

"I'm doing great! I was thinking, that like, overall, Uncle Luke is better at playing catch than you are, Dad. But only because when I play with him, the ball goes in my glove instead of hitting me in my face, and I enjoy that more, catching with my glove, not with my face."

"I'm not going to argue with you there." Jess said. "I enjoy it more when the ball doesn't hit you in the face, too."

"I don't know. I think you guys looked pretty good out there, until Kirk's pig got in the way." Luke said.

"Kirk's pig." Jeremy repeated as he huffed out a goofy laugh. "That's so funny that he has a pig." Jeremy closed his eyes as he leaned on Jess. "I love you guys."

"I love you, too, nephew." Luke smiled as he turned the car out of the hospital parking lot.

"Me, too. I love you, too, kid." Jess turned and dropped a kiss on Jeremy's head, as he smoothed down the boy's hair with one hand.

"Jess, wasn't it the best day when we came to live in Stars Hollow?"

Jess huffed out a laugh. "It was a pretty good day. It hasn't been too bad here. It certainly beats that motel we were staying at in Philly." Jess reflected on how drastically their lives had changed with the move, how they had gone from poverty, social isolation and near homelessness in Philadelphia to being employed, surrounded by family, and living in a safe and rent-free apartment in Stars Hollow. And being a forever family.

"If we hadn't come to live here, we would miss Luke, wouldn't we?"

Jess tried not to laugh at his doped up, but earnest son. "Yeah, we'd miss Luke. He's not too terrible. He can even be pretty useful sometimes. Like tonight."

Luke chuckled. "Gee, thanks, nephew."

"And, Uncle Luke, you would miss us too, right?" Jeremy's head still lay on Jess's shoulder as he spoke. His kept his eyes open as he spoke and closed them as he waited for a response, as if he thought the motion was somehow connected to his ability to hear.

"Yes, I love having you guys here, and I would definitely miss you both if you weren't around."

"Stars Hollow is my favorite place that I have ever lived in my life. Did you know that, Jess?" Jeremy started to lift his head to make eye contact with Jess, then paused, seeming to think better of the movement and dropped his head back onto Jess's shoulder.

"I feel that you may have alluded to that fact at some point."

"That's why I am never leaving here. Ever. And, also, because my family is here."

Luke shot a glance Jess's way and met his eye briefly over Jeremy's head. "Ok, kid." Jess said. "You can be a Stars Hollow lifer. You'll have good company. You can hang out with Luke and Lorelai and your grandparents. And, the more time that passes, the more it looks like your cousin Rory will be in that boat, too." Jess caught Luke's eye again and smirked at the annoyed look Luke was giving him for his comments about Rory.

"And, you too, Jess. You stay, too. Because if you leave, everything will be ruined anyway."

"All right, kid." Jess patted the boy's leg. "How about we revisit this plan when you're not high off your ass? Does that sound ok?"

Jeremy giggled, then whispered. "I'm not high, Jess. Don't say that in front of Luke."

Jess laughed out loud at that. "So, I can see you high, but you don't want Luke to know you're high? What's that about?"

Jeremy whispered again. "I like it when Luke thinks I'm well-behaved."

Jess glanced at his uncle, who was trying to hold in his laughter as he drove. "Ok, it's our little secret that you're high, then."

"Ok. Thank you. And, one more thing, Dad."

"Yes, Jeremy?"

"The doctor was pretty, right?" Jeremy asked innocently.

"Sure. She was pretty."

"And, she was nice except for when she was being mean about the stuff about baseball, right?"

"Yeah, sure. She seemed nice."

"And, if she's a doctor, she's probably pretty smart, right?"

"She probably is. Hey, Jeremy?"

"Hey, Jess!"

Jess smiled. "How is your eye feeling?" Jess had an idea of where this conversation was going and wanted to head it off at the pass.

"Right now, it's A-OK, Jess! Thanks for asking!" Jeremy answered enthusiastically, and Jess wished he had some of what Jeremy was on. "But, what I was going to say was that maybe you should ask doctor…..doctor…..."

"Lipinski." Luke supplied helpfully.

"Yeah, doctor…..her. Maybe you should ask her on a date!"

Jess heard Luke laughing and he set his eyes straight ahead on the front windshield to avoid eye contact with his uncle. "You in the market for a girlfriend, nephew?"

"He is!" Jeremy answered for him. "And, if he asks out the pretty doctor, he doesn't need to ask Ms. Howard out, which would be good because she's my guidance counselor, which is kind of a little weird." Having made his point, Jeremy closed his eyes and rested against Jess.

Jess could feel Luke looking over at him, but he kept his eyes on the road as intently as if he were the one driving. He listened to Jeremy snoring softly on his shoulder.

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"You really don't have to go to school today if you don't want to." Jess was sitting on the edge of Jeremy's bed, the three pills Jeremy had been prescribed the night before in his open palm, and a glass of water in his other hand. After getting Jeremy upstairs and settled into bed and asking Luke to stay with him in case he needed anything, Jess had headed off to the 24-hour pharmacy in Woodbury to get the prescriptions filled, and he had met Jeremy with them bedside first thing in the morning because he hadn't wanted the kid to be awake and un-medicated for a minute longer than he had to be.

Jeremy was sitting up against the headboard. He swallowed one pill, the painkiller, and followed it with a swig of water. "Thanks, but I'm ok. And, I have a history test that I'd rather not miss and have to make up." Jess's expression grew stern as he leveled his best don't-bullshit-me look at his son. "Honestly, it hurts, but I actually feel much better than I look."

Jess sighed, not entirely convinced. "Well, that's a relief 'cause you look like shit." The kid did look terrible. The area around his left eye was a dark purple, almost black, the skin swollen and stretched tight. The white of his eye was still discolored, though not as red as it had been the previous night. It had settled into a lighter pink, but it still looked unnatural and kind of creepy.

"Aww, thanks, Dad." Jeremy feigned being flattered and it occurred to Jess that maybe he was rubbing off on the boy too much. "I think you're pretty, too. It must run in the family." Jess laughed as he watched Jeremy move on to the second pill.

"But, seriously, Jeremy. If your eye hurts at any point during the day. If you get tired from the pain medication. If the blurred vision comes back. If you feel nauseous. If anything happens at all and you want to come home, you can. You can call me to come get you, anytime, you know that right."

"I could. Or, I could, I don't know, walk the fifty feet across the street from school to the apartment and come home by myself."

"You're getting awfully sarcastic." Jess kept his voice light and playful. "I'm thinking maybe I don't smack you around enough. What do you think?"

Jeremy laughed, then winced slightly at the discomfort of moving his cheek. "Sorry, but I'm just saying. I'm pretty sure I could make it home from school on my own."

"I'm sure you could, but if you're feeling bad enough to come home, I don't want you to be alone. Ok?"

Jeremy sighed as he picked up his third pill. "You have your thing tonight. I don't want to bother you. If I need to come home, I'll come home by myself and hang out in the diner with Luke, ok?"

"Jeremy, you're my kid. You're never bothering me."

Jeremy started to roll his eyes, then stopped abruptly, his expression tight with pain.

"Are you ok?" Jess leaned forward, concerned, lifting one hand to the unhurt side of Jeremy's head, shifting his hair off his forehead.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Looking up still hurts."

"Hmmm….I guess that's the universe telling you not to roll your eyes at your dad like a little punk." He knew he needed to trust Jeremy to make this decision on his own, but he didn't like this. He liked the idea of Jeremy staying home and resting, lying on the couch watching television with Winston, while Luke came upstairs to bring him cinnamon toast and check on him.

Jeremy chased his last pill with more water and smiled at Jess. "Yeah, that must be it."

Jess sighed. "I'm really sorry this happened, Jeremy."

"I know. I kind of figured that out from how many times you've already apologized in the five minutes since you walked in here." He looked at Jess with a serious expression. "It's not your fault. It could have happened if I was playing with Luke, or at practice. Although, I guess there aren't usually pigs on the field during practice."

"No pigs on the field? Looks like Coach Forrester does know what he's doing!" Jess smiled, before his expression turned serious. "I just love you and hate seeing you hurt."

Jeremy smiled. "I know. You have no idea how much I appreciate that. If this had happened to me a year ago. I would still be in pain, but I wouldn't have a parent to love me and take care of me."

Jess felt Jeremy's words hitting somewhere deep in his chest. "I'm going to be gentle, so I don't hurt you, but I really need to hug you right now if that's ok."

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By the end of the day, everyone had seen Jeremy's face. He had enough classes with guys from his team and had repeated his story so many times that he knew someone would be able to fill Coach Forrester in on why he wasn't at practice, but he liked his coach and he felt like he owed it to him to tell him himself that his season was over. He didn't usually run into Coach Forrester during his school day, and he didn't feel like going all the way over to the fields at the park to talk to him there, so he waited by the coach's car in the faculty parking lot after the final bell.

"Hey, Jeremy!" Coach Forrester walked up to the car already dressed in sweats for the field, a briefcase and a gym bag in his hands, and his usual affable grin on his face. The way Jeremy saw it, there was no reason for anyone to not like Coach Forrester or Jess. He figured one of them had to have changed tremendously since high school, and he briefly wondered which of them had been a dick when they were his age.

Jeremy turned toward his coach, and the man's happy expression shifted to one of empathy and concern as he got a look at Jeremy's black eye. "Oh, wow! I heard you had a shiner, but that looks really awful! What happened?"

Something about the man's sincerity always struck Jeremy, and he found himself being more open, instead of downplaying the injury as he had to his classmates and teammates throughout the day. "I got hit in the face. One of the bones around my eye is fractured. I can't play baseball for the rest of the season." The reality of that loss hit Jeremy then. The previous night he had been panicked about his vision being impaired, then after the hospital, he had been too high to care about baseball, but he realized now that he would miss it. Between Jess and the rest of his forever family and moving to Stars Hollow, this year had been his best ever, and playing baseball, having family to come watch his games had been the cherry on top.

"Who hit you, Jeremy?" Coach Forrester had genuine concern written all over his face.

"It was a what, not a who." Jeremy realized how what he said must have sounded. "A baseball hit me. I was playing catch with my dad."

"How did it get you like that? You have such good reflexes. He throw it when you weren't looking or something?"

"Uh, not really. I was looking, but then Kirk yelled and distracted me, and Petal, Kirk's pig, ran at me and hit me in the leg, kind of in the back of the knee I guess, and knocked me off balance, and I stumbled, and the ball was coming at me and I couldn't get my glove up in time."

"Ah, I see." Coach Forrester leaned against in car, in no rush. Jeremy had always liked that about him, that he really engaged in the conversation when he spoke to one of his students or players. "The 'ol pig to the knee injury. I've seen this happen time and time again. When will people start respecting the pig leash laws in this country?"

Jeremy smiled and shrugged. "I know it sounds ridiculous."

"It sounds like something that could only happen in Stars Hollow. And, that would have to involve Kirk." Coach Forrester returned the smile. "Even if you can't play, you're welcome to sit in on practices and be with the team in the dugout during games if you want."

Jeremy appreciated the offer, but he didn't want to waste the time on baseball if he could no longer play. Maybe he could still get Luke to come watch some games with him, but he hadn't become close enough to the other players on the team in the short time he had played for Stars Hollow to want to stay on the team for the sake of camaraderie if he couldn't play. "Thank you. I appreciate that." Jeremy shoved his hands into the pockets of his light hoodie. "But, if I can't play, I should probably spend that time working so I can make money for college and everything. I maybe should have been doing that to begin with. College is….crazy expensive."

Coach Forrester nodded. "That it is. I have four kids to put through, and I feel like I just finished paying for my own education. My oldest is only six, but I'm already stressed about it. So, how are things going? Have you been accepted to any schools yet?"

Jeremy could feel his expression shifting at the question, his eyes dropping to the ground and a small frown forming on his face. "Yeah, a few."

"That's great, Jeremy! Which ones?"

"State schools in Pennsylvania. Abington, University Park, and Scranton."

"No, way!" The man's face lit up. "I just moved back here from Scranton. I got my undergraduate degree at Penn State Scranton. It's a great school!"

Jeremy smiled slightly at the man's infectious enthusiasm. "Yeah? That's really cool."

"So, which one are you leaning toward?"

Jeremy's smile faded again. He could feel his eyes starting to well up and willed the tears back, wiping quickly at the eye that wasn't black and blue, but too scared to touch the other one. He seemed to have less control than usual over his emotions today and he wasn't sure if that was attributable to the medication he was on, or if it was just a rough day. "I don't know. They all feel so far away, and they're really expensive. I'm not sure I want to go to any of the schools I applied to-"

"Coach, Coach!" Sammy Tavares ran up, carrying a gym bag and panting lightly as soon as he stopped moving. "Can I ride with you to practice? I missed the bus because Ms. Kendall wanted to talk to me after class."

"Sure, Sammy. It's unlocked. Get in the car and give us a minute, ok?"

"Yeah, thanks, Coach." The boy locked eyes with Jeremy as he turned to walk around the car to the passenger seat. "Wow! I heard about your eye, but jeez, that looks terrible! Tough break, Mariano. We'll miss you at second base."

Jeremy mumbled out a yeah, thanks, but the other boy was already getting into Coach Forrester's car. It was a true statement. The team sucked and they would miss him at second base, but no one was likely to actually miss him as a person. He hadn't been around long enough or gotten to know anyone well enough. Jeremy started to turn to leave, feeling a little down and not wanting to keep them from practice.

"Jeremy, hold up. I want you to know that if you ever need to talk, or want to talk, about college or Scranton or stuff at home, or anything, you can come talk to me. Even though you're not on the team anymore. I'm still around, and I'm a good listener. Ok?"

Jeremy nodded. "Ok. Thanks. Have a good practice."

Coach Forrester smiled. "You take care of yourself, Jeremy."

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What surprised Jess wasn't that Taylor was the first person to arrive, by a good hour and a half, but the large wooden platform that was being maneuvered through the door behind him. Jess came out from behind the counter as Taylor backed into the store, loudly directing Kirk and Joe who were lugging in the platform. Jess knew he needed to establish some kind of control early on, before Taylor took it upon himself to run the whole evening. "Taylor, hi! Thanks for coming." Jess forced himself to greet the man enthusiastically. "And, what exactly do we have here?"

Taylor turned to Jess. "Hello, Jess." Taylor reached out to shake Jess's hand. "Thanks so much for having me. Self-promotion really isn't in my nature, but I see this evening as an opportunity to educate, rather than market my book. As I'm sure you noticed when you read it, my book contains valuable lessons for each and every reader, and I would feel remiss as a town leader to not share those lessons with as many of my fellow citizens as possible."

"I understand. And, we appreciate having you join us tonight. And, it looks like you brought your own…..stage?"

"Oh, yes, of course!" Taylor turned toward Kirk and Joe. "All right, gentlemen, you may set it down right over here." He gestured to the open area in the front of the store that Jess had carefully cleared out for the event. He turned back to Jess. "I never do speaking engagements without my own staging. I find that people listen more attentively when a speaker gives off an air of authority, and nothing says authority like being a foot and a half higher than everyone else."

"Uh, ok, then."

"And, I'm fine with your other speakers using it as well, as long as there is no tap-dancing." Taylor smiled and clapped Jess on the arm before his attention was pulled back to the stage by a loud thud. "Careful, gentlemen! That's an antique! That staging has been in the Doose family for generations!"

For the next few minutes, Jess watched Taylor move from spot to spot on the stage, repeating the opening line of his reading and checking for the best acoustics. Jess thought about how much he had been hoping to see Mallory tonight, then reflected on the night before, Jeremy flying on painkillers in Luke's truck and trying to steer him away from an interest in Mallory by distracting him with the pretty doctor, as Jeremy had put it. His son had been high, sure, but he had openly and honestly told him his thoughts on his father dating his guidance counselor. Jess wondered how much of a dick he would be if he still pursued something with Mallory after Jeremy graduated. He didn't know if there was a point in worrying about Jeremy's concerns regarding him and Mallory at this point, before he even knew if there could ever be a him and Mallory. He had to wait until Jeremy graduated, either way. Mallory could easily have moved on by then.

Kirk approached Jess tentatively. "Hi, Jess." Kirk's expression was even sadder and more pathetic than usual. "How is Jeremy doing?"

Jess smiled. "He's doing ok. He's a pretty resilient kid. One of the bones around his eye was fractured, but the doctor said everything should heal on its own without any permanent damage."

The frown on Kirk's face faded slightly at the news. "That's good, Jess. I'm glad to hear that. I feel awful about what happened last night. So does Petal. She couldn't even eat her dinner last night because she felt so badly."

"How do you think I feel?" Jess asked. "I'm the one who threw the ball."

Kirk nodded seriously. "I think you probably feel guilty, too. That would make sense, given your role in Jeremy's injury."

Jess sighed, having forgotten that rhetorical questions were lost on Kirk.

"Jess." Luke called from the door. "Come give me a hand with the urns of coffee and the hot water for the tea."

"Coming." Jess called to his uncle, then thought about the baby Kirk had on the way, and wanted to lay some fatherly wisdom on the guy. "Don't beat yourself up over it, Kirk. It was an accident. Sometimes things happen and people get hurt. You can't always prevent it."


	37. Chapter 37 - Bookstore Event

**Chapter 37 Notes:** Here's Jess's event at the bookstore. I took a bit of a liberty with Andrew's backstory. Thanks for much for all the thoughtful comments and feedback on the last chapter. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

The bookstore was filling up with people. Jess was walking through the crowd, greeting his guests, smiling and shaking hands and thanking people for coming. This aspect of an event, interacting with guests like this, had usually fallen to Chris and Matthew at Truncheon, while Jess had worked behind the scenes, helping the authors get set up. He had never considered this to be within his wheelhouse, but he was enjoying himself tonight. Andrew was working his own way through the crowd, talking to people and smiling. Jess knew this wasn't a big deal for him, that his boss was indulging him in this, so he was relieved to see that Andrew seemed to be relaxed and having a good time. As he often did when he watched Andrew from a distance, Jess felt an aching sadness for the man's loss, even as he was amazed by how well he seemed to cope.

Jess spotted Luke and Rory talking by the coffee and snack table and his mind went back to the first open house at Truncheon, when they had both showed up separately, Luke with April in tow, and Jess's own joke about the 'this is your life, Jess Mariano' vibe that night. He tried to steer his mind from thoughts of how that night had ended after the event, when it had just been him and Rory.

"Hey, guys, thanks for coming." Jess had already spoken to Luke several times since his uncle had arrived with refreshments, but he didn't want to make too big a deal of just greeting Rory.

"Hey, Jess." Rory said. "This is very cool. I'm impressed with the turnout."

"Thanks. I'm pretty happy with it." Jess smiled engagingly, working hard to not let the interaction feel weird. "Who knew Stars Hollow cared about reading this much?"

"Well, some of us have always known." Rory's tone was playful, as if nothing ugly had ever passed between them and Jess was happy to go along with that. No drama here, just extended family supporting each other. "My mom wanted to come, too, but someone had to stay home with Leelee, and I haven't gotten a chance to leave the house on my own in so long and she knows how much I like coming to the bookstore, so she volunteered."

Jess smiled without feeling weird. "Hey, I'm glad I could provide the opportunity to get you out of the house."

"You might end up wishing you stayed home once Taylor gets started." Luke said to Rory before turning toward Jess. "I still can't believe you have him talking at this thing." Luke jerked a thumb toward the large poster taped to the end of the nearest bookshelf, a headshot of Taylor in front of an American flag, with the title of his book written below. "I wish you'd told me earlier. I would have brought eggs or rotten tomatoes."

Jess smiled. "I, of course, can't take credit for the poster. As you can imagine, that was all Taylor. And, you can say what you want about the man, Luke, but Stars Hollow always turns out for that guy. He's my headliner tonight. Remember how fascinated Jeremy and April were by his book at Christmas?"

"Yes, it made me lose all hope in the younger generation." Rory said.

"Don't remind me." Luke said. "It's still upsetting to think about."

Jess chuckled. "Well, I've spoken to several other teenagers and college kids already tonight who feel the same way. Kids are freaking fascinated by the guy. So, who am I to not give the people what they want?" Jess shrugged. "I think my other two writers will make up for Taylor, talent-wise. Rory, I think you'll really enjoy the reading by the novelist from Massachusetts. I think her stuff is right up your alley."

"Great, I'm looking forward to it." Rory smiled.

"And, you." Jess turned to Luke with a small frown. "You won't like any of it, but keep your rotten tomatoes to yourself and we won't have a problem. I would hate to be forced to have my own uncle removed by security."

"Security?" Rory smirked at the absurdity of the idea as Luke scoffed.

"Yeah, those guys." Jess angled his head in the direction of Kirk and Joe, who were standing on each side of the stage, expressions serious as they surveyed the crowd, Kirk fiddling with one of the earpieces Taylor had insisted they each wear for appearances, even though they were standing about six feet apart. "That's Taylor's personal secret service. Apparently, he brings them to all his public engagements now." They watched part of Kirk's earpiece break in his hand and fall to floor, and Kirk crouch down with a panicked look on his face to search for it, bumping heads with Joe who was bending down trying to help.

"Well." Rory said. "I, for one, feel safer already."

Jess feigned a stern expression. "Let this be a warning to you two that we won't tolerate any anarchy or tomfoolery in this fine establishment tonight."

Luke laughed. "I'll do my best, nephew, but I make no promises where Taylor is concerned."

Rory smiled playfully. "Jess Mariano, in league with Taylor Doose and squashing anarchy before it starts…..who'd have seen this coming?"

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Jess spotted his son across the room with a girl he recognized by sight as Jeremy's friend, Cassidy, along with another boy and girl. Jess made his way over to say hello.

"Hey, guys." Jess greeted the group in general before turning to his son and gently guiding the kid's head forward with a hand on the back of his neck, and dropping his usual kiss on top in greeting. "Hey, Jeremy."

Jess didn't realize his mistake until the girl who wasn't Cassidy giggled and he saw a mocking smirk on the boy's face that made Jess want to punch him. It hit Jess how mortified he would have been at Jeremy's age to have been greeted that way in public by Liz, and he hated that in his eagerness to show his child affection, he had let himself become a thoughtlessly embarrassing parent. Just another adult who couldn't seem to keep from humiliating their kid in front of his friends. He turned to his son, ready with a self-deprecating apology, expecting to see the boy turning pink with embarrassment, but to his surprise the kid seemed unperturbed, all bruises and smiles.

"Hey, Dad! You remember Cassidy, right?"

"Of course, I do. Hi Cassidy."

The girl gave him a little wave. "Hi, Mr. Mariano."

"And, this is Charlotte. And, Andy."

"Hi, guys. It's great to meet you." Jess shook their hands. It made him feel surprisingly good to see Jeremy out with friends at a town event, like a normal teenager, something he couldn't have imagined doing himself at that age. If he had attended something like this as a teenager, he would have come alone and sat off in the back, warding off conversation with one of his favorite teenage defense mechanisms, his nose in a book, or a go fuck yourself look on his face. If Jeremy had been like he was, he would have sat him down and explained that cutting yourself off from the world because you feel too cool or too smart for everyone around you only feeds your own anger, creates barriers to connecting with other people and ultimately leaves you all alone. But, Jeremy was different, much braver and more open than Jess had been. It made him happy to see how much better things were for Jeremy, how much better Jeremy himself was. He liked thinking it was evidence that Jeremy would go on to live a happy and well-adjusted life. "Thanks for coming out tonight."

The kids were smiling enthusiastically as Andy spoke. "We wanted to check out Taylor's talk. That guy is hysterical."

Cassidy and Charlotte nodded their agreement. "Yeah." Charlotte said. "He should totally have his own reality show. He's someone who just does his own thing, marches to his own beat, you know, doesn't give two shits about what anyone else thinks. And, he's so funny."

"Yeah." Cassidy added. "He does satire so well. Like, last year when he was pushing for the town sewerage system. His signs were amazing."

Jess watched the other kids laugh. "Yeah, that was great." Andy said. "Like anyone could really be that earnest about shit!"

Jess smiled, himself fascinated by the younger generation's fascination with Taylor, and by learning that even the polite kids nowadays didn't hesitate to swear in front of adults they just met. "He certainly doesn't care what other people think, I'll give you that much. And, I would definitely watch that reality show." He turned to his son, putting one hand on the boy's chin and gently angling the the kid's face so he could get a better look at his black eye. "How's the eye feeling, Jeremy? You doing ok?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine, Dad. I'm not sure what you're looking for, but I don't think it's changed since this morning." Jess released the kid's face. Jeremy was smiling warmly at Jess's concern, a look that Jess himself would have been mortified to have been caught giving Liz or Luke when he had been a teenager. He wondered if this was one of those things that meant more to Jeremy than to the average kid, having a parent to embarrassingly fawn over your well-being in front of your friends.

"All right, kid." Then he decided to add something else that he would have hated, but he thought Jeremy would appreciate. "Your uncle and your cousin are over by the coffee." Jess tilted his head slightly in the direction of Luke and Rory. "And, your grandparents are supposed to be coming, too. Make sure you say hi to all of them at some point, ok?"

Jeremy grinned. "Ok, Dad. I will."

Jess patted Jeremy on the shoulder and turned back to his friends. "Ok. Well, it was nice to meet you all. I should go get things started. Help yourselves to the food, ok?" The kids all nodded in response.

Jess willed himself to refrain from looking back over his shoulder at his son as he walked away, but he smiled at the pride he heard in the boy's voice in response to a question from Charlotte. "Yeah, pretty much my whole family lives in town, aside from my one cousin in Boston."

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Jess was listening to Lavender Beckett reading an excerpt of one of Jess's favorite scenes from her novel, a lyrically written flashback to a day in the heroine's childhood when there had been an accident on her grandparents' farm, and ten year old Sarah had stood silently watching as the farmhand who had sexually assaulted her sister lay pinned under an overturned tractor, unable to free himself and writhing in pain as hot motor oil leaked from the engine onto his crushed leg. Jess was standing on the far side of the room, close to the stage, when Mallory walked in the door. He could see that she was taking care to move soundlessly and to gently close the door behind her so as not to disrupt the reading, and he appreciated the courtesy. He could feel himself grinning as he stared at her. She didn't move from her spot by the door, but she looked up and met his eye as though she had felt him watching her. He could feel his cheeks aching from grinning, and he felt ridiculous until he saw a matching grin spread across her face at recognition. He knew nothing could be done until the readings were over. He was too old to think it was ok to sneak across the room, disrespecting his authors, just to be closer to her. After the readings, he would greet her as he had the rest of his guests. That would only be polite. Hopefully she would wait around for that and not take off as soon as the last reading was over. He raised his hand in a short wave to acknowledge her, and her grin intensified.

He pulled his eyes from her, intending to casually glance around the room before looking back at the stage. His eyes locked with Luke's. His uncle was watching him carefully, an unreadable expression on his face that shifted into a small sad frown when he realized Jess was looking at him. Rory and Liz were standing next to his uncle, both with their eyes trained on Lavender, and TJ stood on the other side of Liz and seemed to be cleaning under his fingernails with the file of his Swiss Army knife. Jess turned back toward Lavender and watched her read, his mind already trying to convince himself that it would maybe be all right to walk over toward Mallory during Taylor's reading, the last of the evening. He thought the odds were good that Taylor would be too wrapped up in himself to notice or be bothered by his movement.

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Jess decided to be a grown up and remain in his spot, listening attentively like a good host, while Taylor finished his reading. Taylor had insisted on skipping around so that he could cover more ground and the result was a hodgepodge of information, pieces of Stars Hollow town history, excerpts from the more colorful town by-laws, quotes from Henry David Thoreau's _Walden_ and Benjamin Franklin's _Poor Richard's Almanack_ , all interspersed with Taylor's own home-grown wisdom on how to be a good citizen and a good community leader. It wasn't terrible. Jess could give the man that much. After all these years in service to his town, it seemed Taylor really did have some worthwhile insights to impart. Once, you got past the nitty-gritty, control-freak details related to appropriate colors to paint your house, limits on yard decoration, and, Jess noticed this one got a big laugh from the younger crowd, how many children a household should limit itself to in order to not place an unfair burden on town resources.

Jess shot another of what he hoped had all been subtle glances in Mallory's direction. For the most part, she had been watching Taylor, her expression serious, with an amused smile occasionally forming on her face at the more outlandish parts of the man's speech. This glance caught her with her eyes already focused on Jess. She smiled playfully, as if they were in on a private joke. Jess smiled back. She looked back at Taylor first. Jess thought about the first time he had run into her at Jeremy's parents' night, and how excited and good he had felt being around her. Now, that excitement had been dampened by Jeremy's comments when he had been under the influence of his pain medication. The light fluttering excitement he previously felt was now warring with the pit in his stomach.

Jess glanced around the room before turning back to Taylor and his eyes locked with his son's, who had clearly been watching his exchange with Mallory. Being caught by Jeremy felt worse than being caught by Luke, because unlike the disapproving look he had received from his uncle, his son's worried frown immediately became a smile when the boy realized Jess was looking at him. Jess returned the smile, but Jeremy's expression felt too bright and overcompensating for Jess's liking. He questioned whether he would ever feel right pursuing something with a woman that Jeremy had known first in a professional capacity and had made clear that he didn't want Jess dating. Jess tried to convince himself that Jeremy's request didn't count since he had been high at the time, but he also recognized that that might have been his only shot to get an honest opinion from Jeremy as opposed to being told what Jeremy thought Jess wanted to hear. But, he also questioned whether he could give up before anything had even started with a woman for whom he had such a strong attraction.

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As Jess mounted the stage, he spotted Mallory gathering her purse from the floor at her feet and Jeremy standing with Rory by the refreshments table, laughing at something she said while he added a cookie to the stack already on the napkin in his hand. By the time Jess had thanked his authors for their readings and his guests for coming and promoted signed copies of each author's work, Mallory was talking to Jeremy, who was with his friends and two other teenagers that Jess didn't recognize. From the sympathetic wince on her face, Jess knew Mallory was asking Jeremy about his eye. He stepped off the stage as he watched his son smile and respond politely. Some people trickled out the door, but most were still milling around or talking in small groups. Jess felt certain that he shouldn't approach Mallory while she was with his son, that even a kid who didn't mind getting kissed by his dad in front of his friends was likely to be embarrassed by his dad flirting with his guidance counselor in front of his classmates. And, Jess wasn't confident that he could keep the idiot grin off his face around her.

He didn't notice Celeste at his side until she placed one hand lightly on his arm. "Hi, Jess."

"Hi, Celeste." Jess pulled his eyes back from his son to greet Andrew's wife. What he felt for Andrew when he thought about the man's loss, he felt tenfold when he was around Celeste. He knew it was sexist, but he couldn't help the feeling. The loss of her child loomed so large in Jess's mind that he sometimes felt uncomfortable in her presence when she dropped by the bookstore, as if he didn't trust himself not to say something stupid or triggering when he spoke to her. "So, what did you think?"

Celeste's tilted her head toward her husband, who was talking animatedly to two teenage boys and one girl, either giving a recommendation or discussing something they had all read based on his gesturing with the paperback book he was holding up to them, and their nodding in response. "I thought it was great. I think my husband enjoyed himself very much this evening. And, I want to thank you for that. He doesn't socialize very often any more."

Jess smiled. "I'm glad he had a good time. I was worried that he didn't really want to do this, and he was just indulging me."

"Oh, he was. Definitely." She smiled warmly as Jess chuckled at her forthrightness. "He described it to me in pretty much those exact terms. He likes having you here, and he doesn't want you to be bored with the store. But, I think tonight was good for him, as well. I think he sees that now."

"Well, I'm glad I could help."

"I am, too. He thought about selling the bookstore after we lost Jonathan. I had just retired from teaching, and Andrew didn't think it was right to leave me alone while he went off to work every day. But, I encouraged him to keep working. I think he needed it. I naturally seek out other people. I have friends and a few groups that I belong to. Andrew doesn't have that. He had me and Jonathan and this store, and I was afraid that he would become isolated if he lost two of the three at the same time. I was starting to doubt my own wisdom, but seeing him tonight…...books have always been the only thing he's felt comfortable talking about with people he doesn't know well. I didn't want him to lose that. This was…...this was very nice."

Jess paused for a moment, feeling the weight of everything Celeste had just told him, and making sure he had his emotions under control so he wouldn't embarrass himself. "I'm up for making it a regular thing if Andrew is. I still have author contacts from my time in publishing, and I'm thinking we could make it even more local, since Taylor seemed to be the hit of the night, and find more up and coming writers from the Stars Hollow area, even if they haven't been published yet." Jess's mind immediately went to Rory and he wondered about the status of the book she had been working on with Truncheon.

Celeste smiled fondly at him and patted his arm above his elbow. "I'm sure Andrew will be fine with whatever you propose." She looked past him for a moment. "That's your son speaking to Mallory Howard isn't it?"

Jess followed her gaze to see Jeremy and Mallory, sitting on two folding chairs set up side by side, each turned in their seat to face the other, seemingly engaged in a tete-a-tete. Their expressions serious as the boy nodded at something that Mallory was saying, the kid's friends nowhere to be seen. "Huh. Yeah, that's Jeremy." Celeste had met Jeremy once when they had both dropped into the shop at the same time.

Celeste refocused her attention on Jess. "It's so nice to see Mallory. I haven't seen her since I retired last year." The woman smiled reassuringly. "Your son is in excellent hands. Mallory is one of the best guidance counselors I've had the pleasure of working with."

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"Jess, honey, come over here and let us tell you how much we enjoyed your show!" Jess took his eyes off Jeremy and Mallory and let himself be pulled into Miss Patty's group, where she was talking to Liz, TJ, Babette and Rory.

"This was really nice, Jess!" Babette said, her voice loud in Jess's ear. "I don't think we've ever had anything like that in Stars Hollow before. I felt like I was in New York or Paris or something!"

"Thank you, Babette." Jess faced his usual struggle when talking to certain people in town, but he managed to smile with Babette instead of smirking at her. "Maybe next time I'll wear a beret and find a mime for the full effect."

Babette looked puzzled for a second before she broke out in loud laughter, slapping him on the arm. "Oh, that's funny!" She turned to Miss Patty. "He's funny!"

"Tonight was great, hon! You did such a good job!" Liz smiled at him. "Wasn't it great, TJ?"

"It sure was, Lizzie. It didn't go by nearly as slowly as I expected it to. Good job, kid."

"Thank you. And, thank you guys for coming out. I'm glad you could all make it." Jess found himself enjoying the praise and not having to force a smile onto his face.

"You know." Miss Patty began, her voice conspiratorial. "If you have more of these events and are ever looking for more local talent, I have pieces from the memoir of my life on Broadway that I would love to share. The show never got picked up for a theater run, but the preliminary scenes were very well-received."

Jess nodded his head, considering. "Thanks so much for the offer. I definitely think we'll be having more of these and I would love to showcase more local talent. I would need to see some of the pages beforehand. Maybe you can drop something by the bookstore sometime for me to check out?" Jess realized he meant it. He thought about how easily he had been accepted back into town, how little gossip seemed to be circulating about him and Jeremy, how Babette seemed to have finally put the ugliness with Pierpont the gnome behind them. He knew it was likely out of loyalty and respect for Luke and Lorelai, but he realized he would like to do something to show his appreciation anyway.

Miss Patty smiled. "You got it, sweetie! In the meantime, Rory can vouch for my memoir. Can't you, sweetie? If I remember correctly, you were in one of the early focus groups for one of my reminiscences."

Jess remembered that, as well. He had just started dating Rory and she had spent a few hours with Dean watching Miss Patty's rehearsals and he had become embarrassingly jealous at the thought of her spending time with her ex-boyfriend.

Rory smiled. "I remember it well! _Buckle Up I'm Patty_ was pretty entertaining stuff. I think it would be a hit for sure."

"Oh, sweetie!" Jess watched Miss Patty feign modesty. "You're too kind."

"Could I borrow Rory for a minute?" Jess asked, polite smile on his face. "I promise I'll bring her right back."

"Come here." Jess whispered, cocking his head to one side, when Rory had only taken one step away from Babette.

Rory followed Jess a few more steps away from the group, small smirk on her face. "You're not going to pick a fight about me watching Miss Patty's rehearsals with Dean again, are you?"

"What?" Jess huffed out a laugh of genuine surprise and amusement. "No, crazy person, I'm not!" Rory laughed loudly, and Jess felt the sense memory of what it had been like to be with her when things had been good, how funny she was and how in sync they often were. It felt good standing there with her, really enjoying their connection for the first time since he had moved back, laughing like two people who shared relatives and over a decade's worth of friendship instead of just a failed romantic relationship. Jess smirked. "Though as mature adults, I'm sure we can both agree that that was really not cool."

Rory laughed. "We'd have to agree that we both did some shitty teenage things that fell under the 'really not cool' umbrella."

"Probably true, but definitely not what I wanted to talk about."

"Then, what's up? What's with all the top secret secrecy?"

"I want to know what's going on over there." Jess tilted his head subtly to one side to indicate Jeremy and Mallory. "And you're the only person in our family that I trust to be with it enough to clue me in. Is he ok?"

Rory looked over to where Jess had indicated and laughed.

"Don't look!" Jess whispered.

Rory laughed again, but focused her gaze back on Jess. "If you're worried that he needs an escape route, that's thoughtful of you, but I don't think he does. I think he's ok. He's the one who initiated that conversation. He pretty much ditched us and ran over there as soon as you finished your thank you and goodnights."

"Did he tell you what he needed to talk about?" Jess asked, even more worried. He assumed that Mallory would have been the one to start the conversation with Jeremy and that Jeremy would have been too polite not to engage.

"He didn't say. But, I wouldn't worry about it. My mom told me that they kind of became friends, well friends might be too strong a word, but they at least buried their feud, last year when Luke helped him with the sewerage project. I think Luke just acts annoyed with him now more out of habit than anything else. It _has_ been one of his favorite pastimes for years, and it's hard to change something that engrained." Rory gave Jess an amused smile, as if her explanation made any sense at all.

Now Jess was really puzzled. "Rory, what the hell are you talking about?"

"That." Rory pointed one finger toward an area behind Jess and looked at him curiously. "What the hell are you talking about?"

Jess turned slowly to see what Rory was pointing at, aiming for a casual glance around the room and spotted Luke and Taylor standing close together, Taylor smiling broadly and talking excitedly, Luke with his arms folded across his chest, nodding along with what Jess could tell was an authentic smile on his face. What the… As he finished sweeping the room, he spotted Jeremy shly approaching the group he had just pulled Rory away from, Liz putting an arm around his shoulders and fussing over his eye as she pulled him into the circle, and Mallory nowhere in sight. Fuck.

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"So, did you have a good time tonight?" Jess watched his son carefully in the dark for any indication of how the boy was feeling. He and Jeremy had helped load the coffee equipment back into Luke's truck before his uncle had driven off with Rory, and now they were walking home.

Jeremy smiled. "Yeah. I did. It was fun."

"What about your friends? Did they enjoy it?"

"I think so."

"So, that was the Andy that Cassidy has a thing for?"

Jeremy blanched. "Dad! Keep your voice down. You can't run around saying things like that. What if someone heard you? She'd be pissed at me."

"Sorry!" Jess looked around at the street, empty but for the two of them. "Who's going to hear me?"

The boy shrugged, but he was smiling now. "I don't know. You never know." Jeremy lowered his voice to a whisper. "But, yeah. That was him. He's kind of a dick."

Jess made a face like he was considering the merits of the statement. He pictured the kid's mocking smile when he had kissed Jeremy on the head. "Yeah, I can see that."

Jeremy smiled. "Do you think we could take the bike out again soon?"

"Uh, I'm pretty sure riding a bike falls under the header of activities that need to be avoided until your face is less broken."

Jeremy sighed. "I figured you would say that."

"Good, that means neither of us are complete morons."

Jeremy laughed softly.

"So, what were you and Ms. Howard talking about toward the end there?" Jess tried to sound casual. "You guys looked like you were having a pretty serious conversation."

Jeremy smirked, but had the decency to follow his own advice and lower his voice to reply. "What's the matter? Worried I'm going to steal your crush?"

Jess was instantly flustered. "What? What are you even talking about? I just wanted to make sure you were all right. You two looked pretty intense over there. I was just concerned about you."

Jeremy laughed. "Maybe, but you also like her. Don't you? I can tell."

"I...what? She's your guidance counselor. I'm not sure what would make you think that."

"Um…..I don't know. Maybe it was how you warned me that she was going to be here ahead of time to see how I felt about it."

"That was common courtesy."

"Maybe, but you looked weird, like all nervous and sweaty when you told me."

"I did not!" Jess protested. "If I recall correctly, I was relaxed and perfectly dry."

"You were _totally_ nervous sweating!"

"I do not nervous sweat! I'm practically an Old Spice commercial!"

Jeremy laughed loudly. "Ms. Kendall and Mr. Ryan were there tonight, too, but you didn't ask how I felt about them being there."

"If I had known they were coming, I would have asked you about them, too." Jess huffed. "My apologies for not knowing the schedule of every single teacher at your school."

Jeremy laughed. "You looked at her like fifty-million times during the readings tonight. And, you were grinning like an idiot every time she looked back at you. You had big red hearts popping out of your eyes like a cartoon character."

"What? You're crazy. I did not!" Jess could feel himself grinning now and knew he was proving Jeremy's point.

"Dad, you were practically drooling! Your tongue was all hanging down on the floor. People had to step over it just to walk by you. It was pretty ridiculous."

Jess laughed and was grateful that he wasn't someone who blushed. He hadn't expected to get called out like this, or to have Jeremy be so playful about his 'crush' as the boy had put it after what the kid had said when he was high. " _You're_ ridiculous."

"Oooh, burn!" Jeremy laughed at Jess's response. "What a great comeback…..for a third grader!"

"Stop!" Jess was laughing for real now, and he felt happy and giddy, as if everything was going to be ok. He hadn't lost something he wanted before he had even been allowed a fair shot at it. "Aren't you guys supposed to be learning all kinds of anti-bullying stuff in school these days? Cause, I got to tell you, I'm feeling pretty bullied right about now." He started to reach out a hand to lightly slap Jeremy on the back of the head, but stopped himself when he remembered the boy's injury.

Jeremy's laughter increased. "What are you going to do? Report me to my guidance counselor?"

"Wow. Ruthless."

Jeremy's laughter trailed off, and he became serious. "Are you going to ask her out?" Jess wasn't sure how to answer that when he wasn't really sure how the boy felt. "I think you two would be a good couple."

"You do?" Jess looked closely at his son, trying to gauge if Jeremy was telling the truth or hiding his real feelings and telling Jess what he thought he wanted to hear.

"Sure. You're both really nice people."

"It wouldn't bother you if I dated her?"

The boy paused, looking down at the ground. "I want you to have whatever you want. I want you to be happy. Do you remember the first time I got my quarter end grades, back in Philly?"

"Of course." Jess tried to figure out where this was headed. "You got all A's."

"Yeah. I did. But, I meant when you offered to take me out for ice cream or buy me something to reward me for my grades because you said you didn't want me to miss out on anything. Do you remember telling me that?"

Jess nodded, his expression serious. "I remember."

"Well, I don't want you to miss out on anything either. If you like her, I don't want you to think you can't ask her out because she's your kid's guidance counselor or something."

"But, she is my kid's guidance counselor or something."

"But, you do want to ask her out, right?"

"I'm pretty sure I do, but only if you're honestly ok with it, Jeremy. I wouldn't want to put you in an awkward position, or make you feel uncomfortable in your own home, or in your own family. You come first. Always."

"Thank you." Jeremy shoved his hands into his jeans pockets. "You have no idea how much that means to me. But, that goes both ways. You come first to me, too, and I don't want you to miss out on anything you want because of me. It's ok for you to date whoever you want. I'm serious. Ok?"

"Ok. Thank you." Jess nodded. "Nothing will happen until after you graduate. I don't think it's right for me to ask her out while you're still seeing her at school everyday." Jess saw Jeremy open his mouth to speak and continued before his son got the chance to interrupt. "No matter how ok you are with it. I just don't think it's appropriate. So, we have almost two more months to think stuff over, ok? I'll check in with you again before I ask her out or anything, to make sure you still feel the same way. Ok?"

Jeremy nodded, looking a little relieved. "Ok. Thanks, Jess."

Jess gently cupped the back of Jeremy's neck with one hand and kissed the side of his head. "Thanks for being such a great kid, Jeremy."

Jeremy smiled. "Thanks for being such a great dad, Dad."

They walked on in silence for a few minutes. "Hey, Jeremy?"

"Hey, Jess."

Even in the dark, Jess could hear the smile in his son's voice, and the sound made him smile as well. "Just out of curiosity, in case you happened to notice. Was Ms. Howard ever looking at me and grinning like as big an idiot as I was?"

Jeremy seemed to consider the question. "Hmm…...She did look at you a few times, too. But, you were definitely grinning like more an idiot." Jeremy cracked himself up at his own joke and Jess found his laughter contagious and joined in despite it being at his expense.

"All right. Thanks for that. I'm so glad I asked."

It wasn't until later, when Jess was lying in bed that he realized Jeremy had never told him what he had been discussing with Mallory.


	38. Chapter 38 - Parent Teacher Meeting

**Chapter 38:** The boys make some progress in this chapter. I wasn't a fan of Dean in the original series, but he seemed to have turned out ok (and so pretty!) in the revival and I couldn't help making him a nice guy in this. :) Thanks for all the comments and feedback on the last chapter. I really appreciate every review you guys leave me.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

It wasn't anything against Ms. Howard. Jeremy liked her. He really did. She was nice. And kind. And, she made him feel heard when he spoke to her. Unlike many of the adults that Jeremy had dealt with in his life, she listened to what he was trying to say without attempting to subtly steer him in the direction of what she thought was best for him, or easiest for her. And, she was pretty. It wasn't hard to understand why Jess was so taken with her. It wasn't the idea of Ms. Howard herself, who Jeremy had no problem with, that was keeping him up, lying in bed worrying in the dark. It wasn't even the idea of Jess dating someone. Not really. Jess was only thirty-three. Of course, he would want to date women, have relationships, and sex. And, Jeremy knew his father was a decent looking guy, who could be reasonably charming when he wanted to be. It only made sense that women would be interested in him, too. Jeremy understood all this. It seemed natural that Jess and Ms. Howard would be attracted to each other. He got that.

The panic Jeremy was feeling was old, and too easily triggered. He worried at this point that if being adopted into a loving forever family hadn't chased the panic away, it was likely nothing ever would. He had spent thirteen years, all the years he had any memory of, alone. Not important or special to anyone in his life. Unwanted and unloved. He knew that had changed. Knew it logically. Jess had adopted him. He was his dad. His forever person who would love him and be in his life always. But, the logical part of his brain didn't seem capable of convincing the emotional part that everything would be ok and he wouldn't end up forgotten and alone, again.

He knew that things would change if Jess started dating someone. Jess would still love him, but nothing would be the same. He hadn't even been with Jess a whole year yet, and in a lot of ways he felt like they were still settling in together as a family. He knew it was probably childish, but he really liked being the most important person to Jess. Being told that Jess loved him more than anyone else. He wasn't ready to give that up yet. He didn't want to share his dad.

He could already seen how things would go in his mind's eye. Jess was so busy at it was, working three jobs. He would be spread even thinner if a relationship was added onto his already busy schedule, and something would have to give, and Jeremy worried he would be that something. That Jess wouldn't have as much time for him. He could see his father still making time for the big stuff, like teaching Jeremy to ride a bike and family stuff at Luke's or Liz's, but there wouldn't be as many small, intimate moments, just the two of them, and those were Jeremy's favorites. Jess wouldn't have as much time for bonding over the Scrabble board, or around the breakfast table, or joining Jeremy and Winston for an evening walk. Their first game of catch may very well be their last. He knew how it felt to be in love with a girl and how easy it was to get lost in the feeling and focus as much of your free time as possible on being with her. He had done it himself, when he was dating Melissa.

And, Jess really wouldn't want Jeremy hanging around the apartment for a year after high school if he had a girlfriend. The apartment wasn't large, and Jess would want privacy. It was only natural. He'd want to be able to spend evenings cuddling on the couch watching a movie with Ms. Howard. Have her sleep over and share lazy weekend breakfasts together. And, he'd want to be able to do these things without worrying that his kid was going to barge in and ruin everything.

Jeremy tried not to let his mind wander even further down the road, but he couldn't help it. He could see them getting married. Having a baby of their own. A house of their own that Jeremy had never lived in, and would always feel like a guest in. A whole little family and life that Jeremy wasn't a part of, not really. Not the way he was part of Jess's life now. He thought about one foster placement he had been in when he was around ten. How the couple had been welcoming but awkward around him as they sussed out whether he was adoption material. The placement had ended when they sat him down one day after school and explained that they hadn't thought they could get pregnant, but they had. Jeremy can still remember them looking the happiest he had ever seen them, the foster dad's arm wrapped around his wife as they sat on the couch, the foster mom teary eyed as she told Jeremy that God had finally blessed them, working in mysterious ways as he does. Jeremy had cried himself to sleep that night. He had been shuffled on to the next placement less than a week later. He could feel himself tearing up at the memory and felt stupid for it. He knew he was being dramatic and that Jess wasn't going to boot him out of his life if he had a baby of his own. He trusted Jess more than that. But, he knew that even though the shift would be more subtle, it would still hurt.

Then he thought about how he had opened up to Ms. Howard about his past and the adoption, feeling safe with her, accepted, from the first time they met. How he had broken down a little and had to use the tissues she kept in a prominent place on her desk for easy access by students having mental breakdowns in her office. He had told her how grateful he was for Jess and his new family, but how he still worried about being left alone again. How he still sometimes got so upset thinking about his past that it made him cry when he was in bed at night. He had told her things he hadn't even been able to really articulate with Jess yet. And about wanting to change his college plans and stay within hugging distance to his new dad, where he could lay eyes on him whenever he needed to, to reassure himself that he was wanted and loved.

It all felt so embarrassing now. Jeremy was used to discussing his issues and concerns with case workers, counselors, even psychologists at one point after the bullying incident in the group home. But, they were different. They were paid to listen and help him if they could. It was less personal. He was never going to be expected to spend time with them socially or have them be his future step-mom. If he had known Jess wanted to start dating Ms. Howard, he never would have told her some of the things he had. He thought about their conversation earlier that night, after Cassidy and her friends had left and he had stayed behind to wait for Jess. She had started with questions about his black eye and then asked how things were going with talking to Jess about what he wanted to do for college. Jeremy had spent the evening watching his dad watch his guidance counselor, and it had left him with a feeling of foreboding. Jeremy had remained respectful during their conversation, responding to every question asked, yes he had tried to bring it up, no he didn't think he had gotten his point across to his father, but he could feel a distance between them that hadn't been there before. He could feel his self-preservation instinct kicking in as he had shut down emotionally with her.

Then he thought about his walk home with Jess, and the way he had been able to joke around about Jess dating Ms. Howard. He loved Jess too much too try to interfere with him getting something he wanted. Jess had done more for him, given him more, than anyone else in his life ever had. More than anything, he didn't want Jess to regret opening his home to Jeremy. He wanted Jess to be happy. That much had been true. The walk home had been a good moment, an optimistic one. Walking home with Jess on a beautiful night, playing around with him, giving him shit about his crush. He hadn't had to fake anything. Their relationship had felt strong and stable, and Jeremy had had the visceral feeling that everything was going to be ok. He knew that feeling would likely ebb and flow, with his outlook being brighter some days than others. As long as he could embrace the positive feelings and not give voice to the negative ones, he would be ok. The last thing he wanted was to make Jess feel uncomfortable or guilty for wanting to be with Ms. Howard. Not after everything Jess had done for him.

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The next day was Jess's day off from the bookstore and he was spending it driving for Uber. He was just finishing his lunch break, even though it was only ten in the morning, a peanut butter and banana sandwich and an apple that he had eaten in his car, parked against a curb two towns over from Stars Hollow. He had started driving at seven this morning. He would likely need to swing by a convenience store mid-afternoon to grab something cheap and portable to get him through his afternoon. He had put the apple core, sandwich baggy and used napkins in a plastic bag and was eyeing the street for a public trash can, thinking about how much he hated the days when he worked out of his car, when his phone rang.

Jess didn't recognize the number, but he picked up the call anyway. That was one thing that sucked about having a kid. You could no longer ignore unknown numbers in case they were somehow related to an emergency with your child.

"Hello."

"Good morning, is this Mr. Mariano?" The voice was female and tired sounding.

"Yes. This is he."

"Hello, Mr. Mariano. This is Susan Cleary, the school secretary at Stars Hollow High School."

Jess could feel himself sitting up straighter in the driver's seat, instant panic running through him as his mind automatically went to the idea of a school shooting. "Is Jeremy ok?"

"Yes, Mr. Mariano. Your son is fine. He's in class. I'm calling on behalf of Ms. Howard, Jeremy's guidance counselor. She would like to set up a meeting with you to discuss Jeremy's college plans. Is there a day and time that would be good for you?"

"Oh." Jess felt his heart rate slowing back to normal. He was reminded how much he hated this school when he had been a student there. Getting him all worried over nothing was just another reason to add to his list. "Ok, sure. I actually have the day off today. Would sometime this afternoon work?"

"That would be perfect. How does three o'clock sound?" The voice sounded less tired now, as if being near the end of the call had perked her up.

"That works. I'll see you then." Jess ended the call and sat there thinking. So, Mallory needed to see him to discuss Jeremy's college plans. It seemed unlikely. Jeremy had already gotten into multiple schools. Surely there were better uses for her time than meeting with parents of good students who were already officially college bound. The kid got in, he's going. What was there to discuss? Was she going to advise him on what kind of mini-fridge to buy him?

Jess could see through this and he wasn't sure what he should think. On one hand, he was flattered. He had been disappointed that he hadn't gotten the chance to speak to Mallory at the previous night's event, too. And it was nice to think that she was going out of her way to have them meet up. But, on the other hand, Jess didn't like Mallory using Jeremy as a way to get the two of them in the same room. It seemed inappropriate. He thought back to the Uber ride when he had driven her to Hartford, particularly the moment toward the end when Jeremy's name had come up. He thought about the disheartened look they had shared. He had been so sure that they were on the same page then, both hit with the reality of their situation, that nothing could happen while Mallory was still Jeremy's guidance counselor. He felt a pang of the same disappointment he had always felt as a kid, when, after making a new friend, they had done something that made him look at them sideways. He had expected more professionalism from Mallory where Jeremy was concerned. He didn't want to have to look at her sideways.

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At three o'clock sharp, the secretary pointed Jess down the hall to a small office for his meeting. He still wasn't sure he approved of Mallory's methods, but he couldn't keep himself from smiling at the prospect of seeing her again, just the two of them. The corners of his mouth kept turning up even as his brain sent the message to be serious. Nothing could happen now. Nothing could happen until Jeremy graduated. He needed to maintain a personal standard as a parent where Jeremy was concerned.

It wasn't until he walked in the door to find Mallory sitting at a small round table with Dean Forester, both clearly expecting him, that it hit Jess that the meeting was real.

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Jess stood in the doorway like a deer in the headlights. Mallory and Dean stood up, and Mallory walked toward him. "Hi Mr. Mariano. Thanks so much for coming." She extended her hand and Jess shook it, still feeling shocked and speechless. "And, I believe you already know Mr. Forester." She gestured toward Dean, who had walked around the table and was standing next to her, enthusiastic smile on his face.

"Oh, me and Jess go way back. It's good to see you, Jess." Dean's smile increased in wattage as he extended his hand and as much as Jess wanted to ignore it, to keep his eyes trained on Mallory and dismiss Dean entirely, he knew it would only make him look immature and ridiculous in front of Mallory.

Jess shook Dean's hand. "So, what is this all about?" Jess addressed his question to Mallory. "And why is he here?" He turned to Dean, doing his best to keep his voice even and appear in control. "No offense, but I didn't think you were even one of Jeremy's teachers. It's my understanding that you were his baseball coach. And, since he no longer plays baseball." Jess shrugged slightly, raising his hands, palms up. "I'm having a little trouble doing the math on why you need to be involved with anything to do with him now. Maybe you can help me out with that."

When Jess turned back to Mallory, she looked a little taken aback and Jess realized his delivery probably hadn't been anywhere near as cool and unaffected as he had intended. He needed to not let fucking Forester get to him. He wasn't going to let him mess up anything with Mallory before it even started.

"You're right, Jess." Dean said. "It's ok if I call you Jess, right? I feel like it would be pretty awkward for us to start calling each other Mr. Mariano and Mr. Forester at this point." Dean was smiling warmly at him. Professionally. Looking like the caring professional that any parent would be happy to know was looking after their child at school. And, it was pissing Jess off.

He felt like snapping back that he didn't give a shit what Dean called him he just wanted him to get out of his face and stop fucking looming over him. It seemed absurd, but it felt like Dean was even taller than he had been in high school. "Yeah, if course. That's fine."

"Ok. Great! So, I get why you're confused. The baseball coach isn't usually in on these kinds of meetings with parents." Dean shot a look at Mallory. "Uh, hey, why don't we all sit down, first. I think we'll be more comfortable that way."

"Yes. Let's do that!" They were both so cheery and enthusiastic, as if Dean's annoyingness was rubbing off on Mallory. Jess's face hurt from being forced into a neutral expression when it wanted to scowl. They all took seats at the table. Jess had to admit he did feel more comfortable with Dean no longer towering over him. "So, Dean is with us today because Jeremy spoke to him about some of his concerns regarding college. Jeremy has expressed some of the same concerns to me, and we thought it would be a good idea to talk to you to make sure we're all on the same page."

Jess was watching her curiously. "Ok. I really don't understand what the problem is. Jeremy got into three colleges. He's a great student." Jess remembered the conversation in the grocery store, and the one while they were playing catch before Jeremy had taken a baseball to the face. He started to feel an embarrassing burning feeling rising in his chest. Jeremy was worried about money for college. Fuck. "I know Jeremy's been stressed about money and me being able to afford college and everything. He even offered to stay local and go to community college to save money." Jess couldn't tell who he was more embarrassed in front of, Dean or Mallory. For entirely different reasons, they were two of the last people Jess wanted to have thinking he couldn't afford to send his kid to college. "I told him not to worry about it. That I could handle it. He's going to college in the fall. A four year school, with a dorm room and everything."

Jess watched Dean and Mallory exchange a look and he felt his anger rising and mixing with his embarrassment. Fucking stupid Dean Forester exchanging looks with Mallory.

"I really don't get why this is a big deal. Has Jeremy said something lately? Because he and I have had this conversation. Twice now. He knows I can afford to send him to college." Jess thought about how ridiculous that statement sounded. "I mean, it might not be easy, but I'll work it out. He knows that."

"Jeremy actually spoke to both of us just yesterday about his concerns." Mallory said.

"Money was one of the things that Jeremy mentioned to me." Dean opened the manilla folder lying in front of him on the table. "He's definitely worried about the cost of college-"

"I know he is." Jess could hear the snappishness in his own voice and tried to tone it down. "I just told you that. He's my kid. Don't you think I know what he's worried about?"

"Right. Of course you do. I didn't meant to imply otherwise." Dean's voice was calm and placating, his eyes warm and earnest, and the combination was making Jess crazy. "I did a little research on some things that I thought might be helpful to you and Jeremy." He pulled a sheet of paper out of the folder and slid it across the table to Jess. It was a list of websites with brief descriptions after each one. "My wife, Jenny, is a Foster Youth Achievement Counselor in the Hartford school district. We don't have one of those here because our school system is so small and there hasn't been a great need for one. This is the list of scholarships and grants that kids who age out of the foster care system can apply for. Most of them are privately funded, so it doesn't matter which state a kid was in for foster care. And, from what I understand from Jeremy, he officially aged out back in Philadelphia before you moved him here and adopted him. Do I have that, right?"

Jess couldn't tell what was pissing him off more. That Dean was offering him what was likely a useful resource or that Jeremy had spoken to Dean about the adoption. "Yeah. I adopted him after he turned eighteen and aged out." Jess looked down at the paper in front of him to avoid Dean's gaze and tried to sound casual. "He told you about that?"

"Yeah. He told me one day after practice. I was talking about knowing you in high school and I think he wanted to." Dean smiled. "Defend your honor and make it clear that you hadn't gotten his mom pregnant when you were fifteen. And, then I asked him when he had been adopted, and I told him that he didn't need to tell me anything if he wasn't comfortable talking about it, but he said it was ok, and he told me about aging out of the system in Pennsylvania and you adopting him in Connecticut." Dean paused. "He told me how close you guys are and how great it is to finally have a parent and a family."

Jess wasn't sure what to say. He liked to think that Jeremy had confided in Dean _before_ the kid had picked up on Jess's long-harbored dislike for the man. "Ok. Well, thanks for this." Jess held up the sheet up paper. "We'll look into these." Jess pushed his chair back from the table. "Is that all?"

"There's actually another concern of Jeremy's that we would like to address with you, too." Mallory said. "Jeremy is definitely worried about his financial situation, but I think his larger concern regarding college is that he doesn't want to go _away_ for school. He doesn't feel like he's ready to leave you."

Jess's mind flashed back to the conversation in the town square when they were playing catch. Jeremy talking about a semester or a year of community college, how he had wanted to _stay around here_ for school. And, Jess dismissing it as money worries that he didn't want Jeremy to have to deal with. "He said that?"

"He told me that he didn't think he wanted to go to any of the schools he got into. He said they all seemed too far away. He seemed really down about the whole situation. Not, the way I would expect a kid who just got into college to act." Dean said.

"He told me the same. When I prodded him about why, he said that he wants to stay with you longer. He feels like he just got a parent and a family and he isn't ready to not have you in his life on a day to day basis yet. He was clearly embarrassed by how he felt. He told me that he knows he _should_ want to go away to school and be on his own, but he doesn't. I told him there was no _should_. How he feels is how he feels and that he should talk to you about it."

"And, this isn't uncommon at all." Dean jumped back in. "According to Jenny, lots of kids who get adopted late in their youth, end up staying in their parents' home, by choice, for a year or two after turning eighteen. They're sometimes fearful of being out on their own again, because they know how tough it is. And, sometimes they just want more time to keep forming a bond with their new family. And, since Jeremy was adopted extremely late, at eighteen, it makes sense that he might not feel ready to be on his own again so soon."

"And, that's pretty much how Jeremy phrased it to me." Mallory said. "That he just got a dad and a family and he wanted more time with all of you before he was back out in the world on his own. Jeremy seems pretty anxious about the idea that he could end up alone again. That comes up quite frequently when I talk to him."

Jess winced, feeling hurt at the idea that his son is still scared that he'll end up alone again. He felt like a failure as a parent.

Mallory was shaking her head, her expression warm and encouraging. "Please don't take that to mean that he doesn't trust you. It's my impression that he does. Very much. But, some things, some fears, are so deeply ingrained that they're always there on some level. And, the idea of going away to college and leaving his family has triggered this fear for Jeremy. It isn't anything to do with you not making him feel loved. It's actually just the opposite. I think he does feel loved and he's so happy to have you in his life, that it's hard for him to not worry about losing you, just like he's lost everyone else in his life. Jeremy has no relationships or active connections from his entire childhood. No family member or friend that he still has that he can look at as an example of someone staying in his life for longer than a year or two. I don't know about you guys, but it's pretty impossible for me to wrap my head around how that would feel, spending your whole life with no permanent relationships, only foster families, case workers and friends shuffling in and out of your life. It's bound to leave some serious scars."

Jess was starting to feel like an asshole. Jeremy had tried to talk to him about this twice now, and each time Jess hadn't really listened. Had projected his own financial worries onto Jeremy and inadvertently brushed Jeremy's real concerns aside. He was such an ass. "So, it this still something he can do? It's not too late to apply to local school if he wants to?"

The smile that bloomed on Mallory's face at his questions made Jess wonder if she had been sizing up his character during this meeting the way he had been hers when he had first received the call about the meeting. She might have come into this meeting wondering if he was a well-meaning but clueless parent, or someone who was truly being a dick to his son and forcing him to do something he didn't want to do.

Mallory's expression was serious again, professional. "It's too late to apply for any four year schools, but Jeremy could still apply to a local community college. There's one about twenty minutes from Stars Hollow that is still accepting applications for the fall. Or he could take a semester off and apply to local four year schools for the spring semester."

"We'll look into the community college." Jess said. "I don't want him taking any time off. I feel like it's too easy for a semester off to turn into longer, and I don't want him to lose momentum for school."

"I think that's wise." Dean said. "I stopped taking classes during my freshman year of college to work fulltime and it ended up taking me seven years to go back and finish."

Jess gave Dean a wry smile. "At least you finished. I made it back for my GED, that's it." Jess realized what he said too late and kept his eyes trained on Dean to avoid meeting Mallory's. It's not like he would ever lie about his education, but it wasn't something he had expected to divulge to the woman he was interested in before they had even made it out on a date. It was information to reveal slowly, after they had spent enough time together for him to be sure that she thought he was intelligent.

Dean was giving him that earnest, encouraging look again. Charisse had had it, too. Maybe all good teachers did. "It's never too late, Jess. I finished my undergrad at twenty-nine and my masters at thirty-two. And, I can tell you, I was never the oldest person in class. I did my first two years at a community college to save money. I did everything part-time while I worked full-time, had little kids, and still found time to get Jenny pregnant four times. You could totally do it and still work and have time for Jeremy."

Jess huffed out a quiet laugh.

"I'll bet Jeremy would love to have you as a classmate at community college in the fall." Jess could hear the smile in Mallory's voice and he braved a look at her. She was grinning broadly at him.

"Yeah." Jess agreed. "I'll bet he would, but I don't think that's going to happen." Jess could entertain the idea here, could picture he and Jeremy driving to school together, studying together at home. But, Jess knew he would barely be able to afford to put Jeremy through school. He would never be able to finance two educations at the same time, never mind if he factored in the hours of work he would lose to pursue his own degree. "All right. I'm going to go home and talk to Jeremy about all this. Thanks for bringing it to my attention."

"You know, gentleman, I'm really happy with how well this meeting went." Mallory was smiling brightly, speaking as though to students who had been unexpectedly cooperative. "It wasn't until I saw you both standing next to each other that I remembered a rumor I heard way back when about an incident at Kyle Gibson's party my junior year."

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Jess walked into the diner looking for his son, determined to make things right. It was still mid-afternoon and there were only a handful of customers seated at tables along the window. Luke was standing behind the counter talking to Jeremy, who was seated on a stool with a milkshake and a basket of fries in front of him. Jess walked up behind him and heard the very end of Luke's story. A line involving Jess's grandfather and tangled fishing line. The punchline must have made sense to someone who had heard the entire story because Jeremy was laughing loudly as Luke finished. Jess sat down on the stool next to him.

"So, this is what passes for working in this joint, nowadays?" Jess cocked an eyebrow at his son, then turned to his uncle.

"Hey, Jeremy needs to take it easy." Luke said. "You heard the doctor. He's not supposed to be over-exerting himself with that bruise and his broken bone."

"Huh. I seem to remember coming to work with a black eye once. I don't remember my shift starting with milkshakes, snacks and story time. All I remember is a lot of yelling."

Luke gave him a fond smile. "You would have rejected a milkshake on general principle, probably with some snarky joke comparing Stars Hollow to an episode of Happy Days."

"All I'm going to say to that is, you'll never know because you never asked."

Luke laughed, but it looked a little off to Jess, not quite reaching the man's eyes. "I guess you have a point there, nephew. You want me to get you a milkshake now to make up for it?"

"No, but I do need to talk to my kid. Can I take him upstairs for a few minutes?"

"Can't you just talk to him here?" Luke gestured toward Jeremy's food. "His fries will get cold."

"It's private." Jess said, shooting a glance at his son who was sipping his milkshake from a straw, silently watching Luke and Jess talk about him like he was watching a tennis match.

"I can give you guys space." Luke jerked a thumb over his shoulder in the direction of the kitchen. "I'll go do something else."

"He can bring the fries." Jess said. "I'll send the empty dishes and the kid back down in ten minutes."

"All right." Luke gave in. "Go. Take your time. It won't get busy in here for a while."

"Thank you." Jess turned to his son. "Is that ok with you, Jeremy?"

The boy was nodding. "Yeah, Dad, of course."

Jess picked up the basket of fries. "I'll grab these, you bring your milkshake." Jess watched the boy obediently stand up and grab his half-full glass and a couple of napkins. It hit Jess for the millionth time since taking Jeremy in that he had a really good kid.

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Jeremy was nervous. Jess didn't seem angry, but he didn't exactly seem happy either. He had come into the diner acting playful and sarcastic, but Jeremy had learned that sometimes sarcasm was just Jess's default setting and not indicative of his mood at all. And Jess's overall mood that afternoon seemed to be seriousness.

After greeting Winston, they had sat down at the kitchen table, but Jeremy hadn't touched his shake or fries.

"Is it ok if I steal one of those guys?" Jess kept his hand raised, poised above the fries waiting for Jeremy's permission.

"Yeah, of course." Jeremy pushed the basket toward Jess. "Help yourself."

"Thanks." Jess looked thoughtful as he chewed the fry and swallowed. "So, I've been giving it some thought, Jeremy, and I'm thinking that maybe you should stay local for college. I feel like I just got a kid, and I'm not ready for him to move out yet. I don't think Luke and everyone else are ready to see you go so soon either. I think it would be in the best interest of our whole family if you hung around a while longer. What do you think?"

Jeremy could feel the grin spreading on his face so quickly it brought on a twinge of pain surrounding his injured eye. "You're not mad?"

Jess smiled back at him with the same warmth in his expression that had made Jeremy first want him for a dad all those months ago. "Only at myself for not listening to you. I'm sorry about that."

"It's ok, Jess. Really."

"It's not. We shouldn't need other people to step in and help us communicate with each other. I want our relationship to work better than that." Jess paused. "And, I never want to have Dean Forester explaining to me how my kid feels ever again."

Jeremy felt the surprise register on his face. "Coach Forester was there, too?"

"Yep. Coach Forester and Ms. Howard. Guidance counselor Howard? How does that work?"

"Oh, shit! I'm sorry! I didn't know Ms. Howard was going to have him there, too. I swear. I know how much you hate that guy."

"I don't _hate_ him. You're so dramatic. He was fine. The most annoying thing about him today was that he knew more about my kid than I did."

"I'm sorry. I tried to talk to you….."

"I know you did. I'm lucky I have a kid who comes to me to talk about what's bothering him. I just feel bad that you don't have a dad with better listening skills. That doesn't seem fair to you."

"It's not like I really explained myself very well. I felt kind of embarrassed about everything and I know I was never really clear about how I felt."

"I should have realized you were upset and acknowledged that something serious was going on. I feel like I let you down."

Jeremy smiled. "You're acknowledging it now."

"Yes, I am." Jeremy basked in the warmth radiating from Jess's smile. "Oh, they gave me a list of scholarships and stuff that you can apply for as a former foster kid." Jess pulled the sheet of paper out of his pocket, unfolded it, and handed it to Jeremy. "We should get on those."

"Ok. Yeah, I will. Thanks."

"And, I'm thinking community college, Jeremy. Not a semester off. Does that sound ok to you? I know you're serious about school, but I don't want you to lose the momentum you have now. It's really easy to think you're going to go back to something, but then way leads on to way, and you never make it back. That can happen so much easier and quicker than you think."

Jeremy recognized the phrasing and it took him back to studying the poem in eighth grade. Even at that age, the sentiment had left him feeling a sense of grief, and it made him sad to know that Jess had a road not taken that he couldn't get past. "Yeah, that's fine, Dad. Whatever you think. I've looked into Wolliston Community College. It's like less than thirty minutes away by bus. And they're still accepting applications. I could go there."

Jess looked like he was seriously contemplating the idea, but Jeremy could see the levity in his expression. "Yeah, I guess that's close enough. Though, I have to say, I like knowing you're right across the street at school now."

Jeremy grinned. "I like that, too."

"Just so you know, Jeremy. This isn't just for you. I want this, too. I'm serious when I say that I hated the idea of you moving away for school from the beginning. But, I figured every parent hates their kid leaving. That I was going to have to suck it up and deal with it. I didn't want to stand in your way. And, when you brought up staying local for financial reasons…..I dug in even more against the idea of you staying at home. I didn't want you to miss out on something because you thought I couldn't afford it."

"I appreciate that. You have no idea how much."

"I will work my ass off to make sure you get the best education, the best start in your adult life that you can get. I mean that, Jeremy. Now. And, a year from now. Whenever you transfer to a four year school. Until the day you graduate with a college degree."

"Thank you. I love you so much, Dad." Jeremy could feel his eyes getting wet. He really didn't want to start crying. He had so much more than he had ever thought he would. Sometimes being loved felt overwhelming. Then Jeremy's mind went to Ms. Howard, and Jess's interest in her.

"I love you too, kid."

"But, uh…" Jeremy wasn't sure how to phrase this without either sounding completely pathetic, or offending Jess. "What if you start dating Ms. Howard?"

Jess gave him a puzzled look. "What do you mean? I thought you said you were ok with me asking her out after you graduate."

"I am." Like the previous night on the walk home from the bookstore, it felt like the truth, that he could get past the things he had disclosed to her, and her seeing him cry. "But, I mean, if you start dating her…...are you still going to be ok with me staying local for school and living here another year? I don't want to be in your way or anything."

Jess leveled a serious gaze at his son. "Jeremy, that might be the dumbest thing you've ever said."

Jeremy barked out a surprised laugh. "Hey, that's mean!"

Jess imitated Jeremy's mocking tone from their walk home the night before. "What are you going to do, report me to my guidance counselor?"

Jeremy laughed again, feeling lighter, like everything was going to be ok. He needed to hold onto this moment, this feeling that it was impossible to believe things would ever not feel this good between him and Jess. "I just, I don't know, don't want to be in your way if you start dating her, or anyone, I guess, and you want to have her over, and be alone with her."

"Jeremy, let me make this really clear. You are my child. You are never in my way. There's no one in my life that comes before you. If I ever get married, or have another child, you may end up tied for the top spot, hopefully with people that you love, too, but no one will ever be ranked above you. Not to me. Not ever. I promise you that, and I'll tell you as many times as you need to hear it."

Jeremy stared at Jess wordlessly, feeling his emotions overwhelming him.

"Think about what you're asking. Do you think Luke ever thinks that me and April are in his way?"

Jeremy slowly shook his head.

"Do Lorelai and Luke ever think that Rory and Leelee are in their way even though they have four people living on top of each other in a house that can only comfortably house two?"

Another shake of the head, along with a small smile.

"What about Liz and TJ? You ever hear them telling Doula to get the hell out of their way?"

Jeremy shook his head again, even though it made him sad that Jess didn't include himself in the example with Liz. Jeremy figured it was because Liz _had_ felt that Jess was in her way when he was a kid.

Jeremy could feel tears pooling in his eyes and he wiped at them with the back of his hand. "I really love you, Jess. Have I said that already?"

"C'mere, kid." Jess stood up and walked around the table. Jeremy stood up and let himself be pulled into a warm embrace. "I love you, too. So much. Nothing and no one will ever change that."

Jeremy let Jess hold him for a long moment, feeling safe and comfortable in his embrace. He felt Jess cup the back of his head with one palm and drop a kiss on the side of his head. Jeremy loved knowing that Jess would hold him until he pulled back on his own. It was how Jess always hugged him. After a while, Jeremy reluctantly pulled back to find Jess smiling at him, warm and concerned, holding him by the shoulders at arms' length. "You good, Jeremy?"

Jeremy nodded, wiping at his uninjured eye. "Yeah, I'm good."

Jess smirked. "Then you better get yourself cleaned up and get your ass back to work. Community college isn't going to pay for itself you know."


	39. Chapter 39 - Secrets

**Chapter 39 Notes:** Jeremy learns something new about Jess. I think I can see the wind down of this story coming soon. I am enjoying working on this story so much, but I only have a few more plot points that I want to have happen before the wrap up. Thanks to everyone who has stuck with this story and is still leaving me reviews after all these chapters. I really appreciate it. I can't tell you how much it makes my day to hear your feedback and know that something I've written has resonated with someone out there.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

"Hey, Luke." Jess walked into the diner mid-afternoon on Saturday. He had taken a late lunch from the bookstore so that he would be able to talk to Luke when the diner wasn't so crowded and Jeremy wasn't around. After working an early shift, the boy had gone to Cassidy's house for a group study session.

"Hey, Jess!" Luke smiled at the sight of his nephew. "You eating?"

Jess perched himself on a stool at the counter across from Luke. "Sure, if that's ok." Jess tried not to eat at the diner very often. Luke wouldn't take his money and it didn't seem right to have Luke serve him a free lunch when the man was already putting a free roof over his head.

Luke smiled. "Of course, it's ok. It's always ok. What can I get you?"

"Uh, can I try the hummus and veggie wrap? Jeremy says it's his favorite. He keeps telling me I need to check it out."

"Good choice. It has been pretty popular since I added it to the menu." Luke turned to walk away.

"Hey, Luke. Could I talk to you for a few minutes?"

Luke paused. "Yeah, sure." Luke pointed a thumb over his shoulder toward the kitchen. "Cesar's back there. Let me just go put your order in, and I'll be right back."

Jess watched his uncle walk away, stick his head in the kitchen and call out his order to Cesar, and walk back toward him with obvious concern on his face. "Is everything ok, Jess?"

"Yeah. Everything's fine. Did, uh, did Jeremy tell you that he's going to be staying around here next year for school?"

Luke grinned. "He did. He was really excited about it. And, I'm excited that we're going to have him around longer. I'm really going to miss that kid when he moves away."

Jess gave his uncle a sad smile. "You and me, both."

"So, what did you want to talk about?" Luke looked interested, but was no longer wearing the worried look and that made Jess feel better.

"That, I guess. I just wanted to make sure it was ok with you if we hang around another year. I know you were probably thinking you'd get rid of us when he left for school. That maybe I'd get my own place, now that I have a job and everything." Jess felt a swell of shame that his life was at a point where this conversation was necessary. "I just wanted to run the new plan by you and make sure it's ok for us to keep staying in the apartment."

Luke smiled. "Don't be ridiculous. It's more than ok. It's great, Jess. I'm happy you're staying. I'm in no rush to get rid of either one of you. I love having you guys around. Are you honestly telling me that you don't know that, kid?" Luke's expression was so full of love and sincerity that Jess felt a little choked up.

"I mostly knew that. But, now that the place has its own entrance, you could rent it out to tenants and make some money off it. You could use it as a real investment property."

"I already have tenants."

Jess rolled his eyes. "I meant _paying_ tenants. I'm technically a moocher, not a tenant."

Luke laughed. "You're not mooching. You're family. I don't want to have strangers living in my place. I don't see myself ever renting it out and dealing with all that hassle. A lot of my stuff is still up there. And, even if you moved away, I would want to keep the place so you and April and Jeremy would still have somewhere to stay when you visit. The new entrance was for Winston, and maybe for later." Luke waved a hand as if dismissing the idea all together.

"What do you mean for later?"

"Well, I'd been thinking about giving the apartment its own entrance for a while. I want it to qualify as a rental unit so that you guys can rent it out after I'm gone, when you and April own it."

Jess furrowed his brow. "What are you talking about?"

"My estate planning." Luke said it casually, as if estate planning was something they discussed frequently, or ever.

"Your estate planning? Could you be a little less maudlin?" Jess laughed, then felt himself getting alarmed. "Hey, everything's ok, right, Luke?"

"What?" Luke looked momentarily confused. "Oh, yeah, Jess." Luke smiled. "Thank you for your concern, but everything's fine."

Jess leaned slightly forward, really studying his uncle, for signs of lying or illness. "And, you'd tell me if it wasn't, right?"

Luke was looking at Jess fondly. "Yes, nephew. I would tell you. I told you a while back, when I thought I might have cancer, didn't I? That should give me some credibility here."

Jess eased up and pulled back from his uncle. "I suppose it does."

Luke chuckled. "Thanks. You don't sound too convinced."

"If everything's ok, why are we talking about estate planning?"

"Because, a person needs to get that stuff taken care of _before_ everything becomes _not_ ok." Luke explained. "And, I started a mutual fund for Doula when she was born. It's already pretty substantial. Plus, she'll have Liz and TJ leaving her stuff, maybe their house. I don't want you to think I haven't thought of her, but I want you and April to get my place. You guys both lived there with me and helped me out in the diner." Jess watched an emotion pass across Luke's face that could be sadness or nostalgia. "You were kind of my kid, too, for a while there."

Jess felt a lump forming in his throat at the idea of Luke lumping him in with April in his estate planning, as kind of his kid. Having a kid of his own was making him so damn sentimental it was ridiculous.

"I'm still kind of your kid." Jess said it honestly, a rare sincere moment.

"Yeah you are." Luke gave him a warm smile, his eyes betraying his own emotions. He cleared his throat. "So, the way I figure it, you guys will have two streams of income from this place. You can rent the residential space and hire someone, maybe Cesar if he's still around, to manage the diner for you. I thought about leaving one of you the diner and one of you the apartment, I actually had them broken down into separate legal units, but that didn't seem fair since the diner makes more money than the rental will. Plus, I like the idea of you guys sharing both and needing to talk to each other every so often to discuss your investments." Luke grinned.

Jess nodded slowly, the idea of Luke's death hitting him hard. He thought about how much he would miss Luke when the man was no longer around. How he would be losing the greatest support system he had ever had in his life. "I'm very honored to be in your will alongside April, honestly, but can we please talk about something less depressing that you're death? You're bumming me out."

Jess noticed that Luke hadn't mentioned the ice cream shoppe. He assumed that meant that it was being left to Rory and he felt a childish twinge of jealousy at her being included as someone who was kind of Luke's kid, too. He tried not to let the thought devalue his own position. He knew Rory had a crazy inheritance from both her grandmother and her father coming her way and that she would inherit Lorelai's house and that Leelee had a father who was so rich he made the Gilmore's look middle class, but he could understand Luke wanting to leave her something that was personal to her anyway. She was his stepdaughter, after all, and that certainly qualified her as kind of his kid. Out of the three of them, Luke had had the longest relationship with Rory. And, even though he and April tended to sub-classify their family into two groups, one of just them and Luke, and now Jeremy, and one that included the Gilmores, Jess knew Luke didn't think of it that way. Luke just saw one family with three people who he considered his kids.

Luke laughed. "Sorry. I certainly didn't mean to bum you out. When you get older you have to think of these things. You'll see."

"I don't know about that. I think the upside of having a ten year old Mazda as your only asset is not getting bogged down in estate planning details. Possibly the only upside, but hey, it still counts."

Luke looked at him seriously. "Your situation is temporary, Jess. You need to believe that. You have a job. You're bringing money in. Saving it. Things are already on the upswing."

Jess nodded. "Yeah. You're right." He agreed, not wanting Luke to think he was feeling sorry for himself. He had meant it as a joke, but he supposed it had hit too close to home for him to have been able to carry off the delivery.

Luke sighed, giving Jess a look that he couldn't read. "Bottom line is I'm fine with you staying here for as long as you need to. I love having you guys here. Both of you. Even if Jeremy was going away to school, I would still love having you here." "I actually have something I want to talk to you about that's kind of related to this."

"Do you want me to pay rent?" Jess felt a wave of shame that he hadn't insisted on doing so as soon as he got a job. Luke was right. He had a job and money coming in. He should have stopped freeloading as soon as he received his first paycheck "I can." He rushed to add. "That's no problem. I should have been doing that-"

"Jess, don't be silly." Luke cut him off. "I don't want you to pay rent. It's bad enough you give me money for utilities." A customer came in and Luke's eye went to the door. "I don't want to talk about it now. Maybe I can take you out for dinner one night this week, just the two of us."

Jess smirked. "You want to feed me somewhere that isn't the diner or your house?" Jess was puzzled by all the secrecy. "I'm intrigued. Can you give me a hint what it's about?"

Luke smiled. "Sorry, nephew. It's a secret." Luke started to walk away to greet the new customer.

Jess didn't like the neediness in his own voice when he stopped his uncle again. "Hey, Luke." The man paused and looked back at him. "You think I'm doing the right thing for Jeremy by letting him stay with me another year, right?"

A slow smile spread across Luke's face. "I do, nephew. I think it's the right thing for both of you."

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Jeremy sat on the couch watching Rory, without trying to look like he was watching her. He had found her beautiful from the first time he had seen her, but he had never had a chance to observe her this close up before, seated next to him, intently concentrating on his face. "Let me know if I'm hurting you at any point, ok?" He felt her gently dab around his eye with the tip of something that looked like an extra wide tube of orange tinted lipstick.

"Ok. Thanks again for doing this. I really appreciate it."

She smiled as she worked, gently dabbing small spots of the stuff along his cheekbone. "It's my pleasure, Jeremy. Yearbook pictures are a big deal. You don't want yours memorializing this black eye." She smirked. "People will think you're some kind of delinquent."

He smiled and it must have made his face move because she smiled and scolded him.

"Hey, hold still, mister. This is serious work I'm doing over here."

"Sorry."

"Are you excited to be almost done with high school?" Rory asked, her eyes trained on the darkened area under his eye instead of meeting his gaze. Her focus made Jeremy more comfortable. He couldn't imagine being this close to her and having her looking straight at him. It wasn't that he was attracted to her or had a crush on her or anything. She was his cousin, after all, and an adult. She was just really beautiful. Jeremy didn't have a lot of experience being around beautiful women and it made him a little nervous.

"Yeah. I'm so ready for it to be over. High school's been tough. I'm really ready for college. I think college will be a better experience for me than high school was."

Rory pulled back a little and looked right at him then, her head tilted to one side, her expression filled with a familiar pitying concern that always let Jeremy know he had said something too revealing. He didn't want her to pity him. He started to feel a blush coming on and hoped she wouldn't notice.

She nodded her head. "I think college will be better for you, too. My college years were definitely better than my high school years. High school is tough for everyone, even the kids that don't make it look that way. I didn't understand that until I was much older." She paused, but maintained eye contact. "I know your situation made everything so much harder, and I think it's so impressive that you were able to keep yourself on track and get good grades and graduate on time despite everything you were dealing with. I think that's really amazing."

Rory smiled and went back to gently dabbing the stick against his skin. "Thanks, Rory." In truth, Jeremy was tired of people being impressed by his ability to reach the most minimal milestones of adolescence, despite his situation. But, it felt sincere coming from Rory and he really did appreciate it. "Luke said you were the class valedictorian when you graduated high school. That's so awesome. He said your speech was so good that it made him tear up."

Rory smiled. She raised a finger to his face to gently blend the dots of orange makeup into his skin, being careful to tread lightly over his bruise. "Luke's a big softie. He told me that you changed your mind about going away to school and that you're thinking of applying to Wollaston Community College."

"Yeah. I just finished my application last night. I haven't heard back from them yet, but I think I'm going to get in. Unless, they're already full or something." Jeremy swallowed. "That probably seems lame to you. I know you went to Yale and everything."

"It doesn't seem lame to me at all." Rory turned toward the makeup bag on the coffee table and dug through it. "I actually think I understand the need to stay close to your parent. My whole life I was set on going to Harvard. It had been my dream since I was five. And, when I got accepted-"

"You got accepted to Harvard? Wow! That's amazing! You got into Harvard _and_ Yale?"

Rory turned back toward Jeremy with a smirk on her face, and a flesh colored tube of concealer and a bag of small white triangles that looked like they were made of foam in her hands. "Princeton, too, but, hey, who's counting!"

"Wow! Just, wow…" Jeremy was impressed and speechless. He felt like such a loser in comparison.

Rory squirted some of the concealer onto one of the triangle sponges. "My point is, that once I got into Harvard, I realized how hard it would be for me to be that far away from my mom. We've always been so close. She was my best friend growing up. While my friends were counting down the days until they could get away from their parents, I was getting more and more nervous about leaving my mom. I picked Yale over Harvard so that I could be closer to her. I even made her spend the first night of college in my dorm room with me because I wasn't ready to be away from her."

"Really? They let you do that?"

Rory shrugged. "Probably not officially, but no one knew except the other girls on my floor. If felt embarrassing at the time, to not be able to handle my first night on my own, but it was part of our relationship. And, I love my relationship with my mom too much to wish any aspect of it away."

Jeremy watched Rory reach toward him and felt the soft edge of the triangle of sponge as she dabbed the concealer onto his face and gently blended it into his skin. "And, your relationship with Jess kind of reminds me of me and my mom when I was your age. So, I get it. I don't think it's lame at all."

"Thanks." Jeremy reflected on Rory being smart and well-rounded enough to get into three Ivy League schools. And, about April and how her interest in science had gotten her into Luke's family and into MIT. "You and April were like two perfect kids, huh?"

Rory laughed, not unkindly, but Jeremy still felt instantly embarrassed at what he had said.

"I don't know about perfect, but we were pretty good kids. I'll give you that much. Especially when it came to school." Jeremy watched the small secret smile on Rory's face and knew she was remembering something that made her happy. "And, my mom went to Wollaston Community College, so I don't think there's anything wrong with you going there, too."

"She did? I didn't know that. What did she study?"

"Business. She got an associates degree. She got pregnant with me in high school. She finished high school back then, but she didn't feel like she could go on to college, with a new baby to take care of and everything, so she ended up going back to school later, when I was in eighth grade."

"That's really cool that she did that."

"Yeah, it is." Rory added more concealer to her sponge. "She went part-time, so it took her a few years to finish. She graduated during my junior year of high school."

"That's awesome. It had to be pretty cool to get to watch your mom graduate." Jeremy thought about how happy it must have made Rory to watch Lorelai get to have something that she had given up to raise her. He wondered if he would ever get to see Jess go back to school.

Jeremy watched the smile fade from Rory's face as she continued to gently add more concealer and keep blending it into his skin.

"I actually didn't get to see her graduate."

"Really?" Jeremy is watching Rory closely now as she works on him. "How come?" He instantly regretted the question. It might be too personal, and he had no right to her story. "Sorry, I shouldn't have asked that. It's none of my business."

"It's ok. I don't mind telling you. It's stupid, really. You probably won't think I was a perfect child after this. The day of her graduation…...I thought it would be a good idea to skip school and go into New York to surprise…...this boy I liked who had moved there. I really liked him, and I didn't know when I was going to see him again. And, it's so stupid and embarrassing now, but he had called the night before, for the first time since he had left, and it just felt really _urgent_ that I see him that day. I can't really explain why. So, I took the bus into the city and got to hang out with the boy I liked. I even bought my mom a graduation present while I was there. This old record of a band she liked. But, the bus that was supposed to get me back in time for my mom's graduation ended up being delayed, and I missed the ceremony entirely. I even forgot her present on the bus. I felt so terrible. I had pretty much talked her into walking at graduation and then I didn't even show up. And, she has _always_ shown up for me."

Jeremy couldn't stop staring at her. The story sounded familiar and it only took him a moment to realize where he recognized it from. He saw the motel room back in Philadelphia. Remembered crying while Jess lectured him about running off to New York with Melissa. Heard Jess telling him a story about his own high school crush, a girl he was really into in Stars Hollow who had skipped school to come to New York to see him. The detail about her missing an important family event thrown in to demonstrate that Jess understood how young love could make an otherwise sane and rational teenage behave selfishly and recklessly. Jeremy's mind was blown. He tried to hold back his smile so he wouldn't look suspicious.

"Ok, kiddo. I think you're good to go!" Rory put the cap back on the concealer and tossed the tube back into her makeup bag. "Let's go take a look in the mirror so you can check it out."

Jeremy let the goofy smile spread across his face as he followed Rory to the downstairs bathroom, but quickly toned it down as they stood side by side looking at the mirror. His eye looked perfect. She had worked magic.

"Wow, this is amazing. Thank you so much. I can't tell there's a bruise at all."

Jeremy moved his eyes to Rory's reflection and watched her smile in the mirror. "That's the power of well applied makeup. It can hide almost any flaw, if you know the right tricks."

Jeremy looked back at his own reflection, moving his head around to examine the bruise from several angles.

"Yeah, but how do you know the tricks? It's not like you have any flaws to hide." Jeremy realized, once again too late, that he had been too honest and had likely embarrassed himself.

Rory just laughed lightly and patted his shoulder. "Oh, Jeremy. You just passed Jess and Doula as my new favorite cousin."

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That evening, Jess was walking back from the bookstore, about to enter the diner, when Jeremy and Winston appeared around the corner, coming from the back staircase. Winston spotted him first and Jess watched his tail start wagging quickly as he pulled at the leash, causing Jeremy to look up.

"Hey, Winston! How's my good boy?" Jess took a couple of steps away from the door, not wanting to block the entrance to the diner, and crouched down to greet his excited dog. "Hey, Jeremy." Jess looked up at his son as he rubbed Winston's head. "How's my other good boy?" Jess liked that he could still make Jeremy smile with the well-worn joke.

"I'm good, Dad. How was your day?"

Jess gave Winston one last pat and stood up to greet his son, cupping the back of the boy's head and tipping it down so he could drop a quick kiss on top. "My day was just fine, but it's so much better now that I'm with you guys. Mind if I tag along on the walk?"

"Of course not." They started walking side by side, with Winston a few feet in front. They crossed the street into the town square and let Winston stop to sniff as often as he liked.

"So, how did your yearbook picture go? Hey, let me see your eye." Jess stopped walking and held Jeremy by one shoulder, really studying his face. "Your eye looks great. Rory did a good job."

"Yeah. She did. It was really nice of her to do it, too. I'm glad Luke thought to ask her." The boy was smirking now.

"What's so funny?" Jess asked, puzzled.

"Nothing. I had a good time with Rory. We ended up talking about school and college and graduation and stuff."

"That's good….." Jess dragged the words out slowly, not sure what the kid was getting at.

"Did you know that she was the valedictorian of her high school class?"

Jess nodded. "I feel like Luke may have mentioned that to me once, or fifty times. She was always very into studying. She was definitely a big school nerd, just like you."

Jess watched the boy smile. "And, did you know she got accepted into Harvard, Princeton _and_ Yale?"

"I did know that. I was still in Stars Hollow when she got the acceptance letters. It's pretty impressive, isn't it?" Jess was starting to feel guilty for not pushing Jeremy harder. To apply to better schools. To attend the four year colleges he actually got into. Jeremy and Rory were both such smart, hardworking students. It felt so unfair that Rory had gotten her choice of three ivy league schools and Jeremy was stuck with Wollaston Community College.

"Yeah. Definitely. Did you know she picked Yale so she could stay close to Lorelai?"

"No, but it makes sense. I can't picture those two being apart for very long, especially when Rory was that young." Jess still wasn't sure where this conversation was going, so he tried for comedy. "Huh. I guess you guys have the whole mama's girl, daddy's boy thing in common, too, then." The boy still looked suspicious. Jess watched him smirking like a little kid with a secret.

"I guess we do." Jeremy agreed easily. "Did you know that Lorelai went to Wollaston Community College, too? For her associates degree in business?"

Jess watched Kirk and a pregnant Lulu crossing the other side of the square, Petal at the end of a leash that Kirk was holding. "I think I may have heard that rumor, too."

"Did you know that Rory missed her mom's graduation from WCC because she went in to New York city to see a boy she liked?" Jess froze mid-step, his eyes cutting automatically to his son, who was looking straight ahead, watching Winston sniff the base of a shrub. The look on the boy's face was too mischievous to be a coincidence.

"Is that right?" Jess tried to buy time.

"Yep." Jeremy confirmed. "She said he was a nice guy and all, but kind of awkward and pretty goofy looking."

Jess barked out a laugh. "She did not say that, you little shit!"

Jeremy was laughing like a little kid. "I'm guessing you didn't want me to know that you dated your cousin, and hey, that's fine. I can respect that. It explains a lot, though."

"She wasn't my cousin at the time! I want that fact clearly established for the record." Jess was smiling. "Rory and I dated years before Luke was with Lorelai. Unlike your uncle, I don't need an entire decade to work up the nerve to ask a woman out."

Jeremy laughed. "Hey, it's cool. I'm not judging. I'm sure there are some states where it's perfectly legal to date and even marry your cousin. Maybe Mississippi? Or Arkansas?"

Jess huffed out a laugh. "Don't make me slap around a kid with a broken facial bone. I'm pretty sure I would feel bad about myself afterward."

Jeremy kept laughing.

"And, it wasn't a big deal. We were seniors in high school and we didn't date very long. We only lasted about six or seven months, tops."

Jess could tell that Jeremy was trying to keep a straight face. "So, why did you guys break up? Because she left for college?"

"No, we didn't even make it through the summer. We broke up when I left for California right before graduation."

"Huh." Jeremy seemed to contemplate this. "That must have been hard. How did Rory take it when you told her you were leaving?"

Jess wasn't sure how to answer that. He kept his eyes straight ahead, watching Winston look up and sniff the air as he got his first whiff of Petal.

"Oh my god! Did you not tell her you were leaving?" Jess could tell without looking at his son that the boy was going to explode if he didn't let his laughter out soon.

"I may have failed to mention my travel plans to her."

Jeremy laughed loudly, amused and horrified. "Holy shit, Jess! Are you serious?"

"Hey, watch your mouth. We're in public."

Jeremy's expression was serious when Jess finally turned to face him, as if the gravity of his father's actions had sunk in. "That's so rough, Jess. I can't believe she still even talks to you."

"Yeah, well. It's not something I'm proud of. I was eighteen years old and I did something stupid. What do you want me to say?"

Jess watched Jeremy mull that over. "I'm eighteen years old and I would never do something that mean to someone I care about."

Jess nodded. "I know you wouldn't. But, I was a little asshole when I was eighteen, so I did. And, don't worry, I definitely paid for it. She was pissed at me. So was Luke since I basically did the same thing to him. They were the two most important people in my life then, and I lost both of them for a while. So, I got what I deserved. Everything sucked for me for a while there. But, Rory and I are good now, so I would appreciate you not bringing this up at family gatherings or anything. Ok?"

"Yeah, of course. I won't." Jeremy paused, his expression guilty. "I'm sorry if I upset you."

"You didn't upset me. Thinking about what a thoughtless little shit I used to be upsets me, but that's my fault not yours."

Jeremy nodded slowly, still contemplating. "It's almost impossible for me to picture."

"Yeah? What's so hard to believe?" Jess was smiling again, his voice teasing. "You think she's too good for me? Too pretty? What part are you having trouble with there?"

"Huh? No, I can picture you guys dating easy enough. The impossible part is picturing you ever being a thoughtless little shit."

Jess reached an arm around Jeremy's shoulders, pulling the boy against his side for a quick, half-hug. "That's why kids are so great. They didn't know you when you were young and stupid."

Jeremy huffed out a quiet laugh. "Rory thinks that our relationship is like her and Lorelai's. Do you think that's true?"

"Jeez!" Jess laughed, putting one hand on Jeremy's shoulder and gently pushing the boy from his side. "God help us if it is!"

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Jeremy and Luke were sitting on the bleachers watching the baseball game. It had become their thing to watch the home games together after Jeremy had quit the team. Jeremy missed being able to play. Baseball had always been something that he had enjoyed, for the sport itself as well as the feeling of normalcy it had given him, during a childhood that was often anything but. But this was good, too. Sitting here with his uncle, sharing something they both loved. Jeremy knew he wasn't good enough to play on a college team, but he figured he might be able to find an intramural league at WCC and play there. He knew he would be able to play again at some point if he wanted to. But, having a standing date with Luke for home gains felt really special, like a once in a lifetime type of situation. Certainly it was the first time in Jeremy's life that he had had someone to go to baseball games with on a regular basis like this. He knew Luke really enjoyed baseball, but he also knew from Lorelai that the man hadn't been to any of the high school games the previous year, so the idea that Luke was going to games to share them with Jeremy made it feel even sweeter.

Jeremy watched the Woodbury shortstop catch a line drive to end the inning. The visiting team jogged off the field toward their dugout.

"So, have you finished your application for WCC yet? The deadline must be coming up, right?" Luke asked.

"I think the deadline's pretty late, but, yeah, I sent mine in a couple of days ago. It was really easy compared to the applications for the four year colleges I applied to in Pennsylvania."

Luke nodded. "And, you're still good with your decision, right? You still want to stay here and go to community college?"

Jeremy smiled. "Why? Are you having second thoughts about wanting me around another year?"

"Never. I always want you around. You and Jess, both. I just want to make sure you're still good with your choice and everything."

Jeremy considered that, relishing the thought that he had people in his life now who cared about his feelings and were invested in his future. "Yeah. I'm still good with my choice. I want to be here."

Luke smiled. "Good. That's good to know."

"I was thinking maybe this summer we could work on another project together, in your garage. I mean, if you have time and everything."

"I'll make time, nephew. I would love to do that with you. Is there anything in particular that you want to build?"

Jeremy shrugged. "I'm not sure. I want to make something for Jess, for Father's Day. At first, I was thinking a bookcase, not like a huge one or anything, but something nice. A bookcase just seems like such a Jess thing. But, then I was really thinking about it, and he lost all his books in the fire, and since we moved here, he hasn't really bought too many new ones. He mostly uses the library to save money, when he even has time to read."

"Hmmm…...we can give it some more thought. You have a couple more months. I don't know if you should rule out the bookcase idea completely. I'll bet it's only a matter of time before he starts accumulating more books. And, you're right, a handmade bookcase does feel like something Jess would like." Luke paused, contemplating. "But, if you aren't sold on a bookcase, we can see what else we can come up with. You can come by and look at some of my woodworking books sometime to see if you can get any ideas there, or look around online."

"Ok. I'll do that. Thanks. I just really want to give him something special, you know, to thank him for everything he's done for me this year." Jess's birthday was coming up in a couple of weeks, too, but Jeremy already knew what he was going to get his father for that occasion, something he had owed him for a while.

"I think that's really sweet of you, Jeremy. But, you do know that you don't need to thank him, right? He loves having you in his life."

Jeremy made a face. "I know. Or at least, that's what he always says, too."

Luke's expression was amused. "But, what? You don't believe it? You think we're both lying to you? It's all a big conspiracy?"

Jeremy laughed softly. "No, I don't think you guys are lying. It's just…..I know he loves me, but I also know that I've made his life harder, like having me to take care of has made his life harder than it would be right now if he just had himself to think about."

"What are you talking about? Why would you think that? I can't remember ever seeing that boy as happy as he's been this past year with you in his life. He loves being your dad, Jeremy."

"Yeah, but…...I'm also the reason he has to work three jobs. I'm the reason he had to leave Philadelphia. Without me around, he probably could have gotten a new place with someone looking for a roommate or who wanted to sublet a room or something and he would have had more time to find a new job there. He really liked it in Philadelphia."

"I know he did, but being with you is more important to him that being in Philly. I can tell you that much for certain."

"But, like, he's given up stuff, sacrificed stuff for me. If he wasn't worried about helping me with college, maybe he could go himself."

"I know this isn't something you'll really be able to understand until you have kids of your own, so you'll just have to trust me on this. Giving up stuff for your kids isn't a sacrifice. It's parenting. Jess isn't doing anything for you that he doesn't want to do. You know that, right?"

"I guess so."

"Parents are supposed to take care of their children, Jeremy. Nothing makes them happier."

Jeremy felt himself getting a little emotional, and he looked away from Luke, back toward the field, watching a Woodbury batter swing at and miss a low pitch. "I just…...I want him to know how grateful I am. This year with him, with you, and everyone else. Getting adopted. This has been the best year of my life. I just want him to know that I appreciate him, for giving me this whole family, and this whole better life. I don't think he always even gets how much he's done for me….I just want to do something special for him to say thank you."

Jeremy felt Luke's hand resting on his shoulder. "I hear what you're saying. And, you still have a couple of months. You'll come up with something special." Luke paused. "Just so you know, I'm willing to bet this has been the best year of Jess's life, too, and that's really saying something considering all the crap he went through this year. The guy lost a job he loved, lost everything he owned in a fire, became homeless and had to move back to a town he's always hated. But, if you asked him, I'm pretty confident he'd say that getting to be your dad still made it his best year. I think it's great that you appreciate him. Jess is lucky to have such a thoughtful kid. But, I don't want you ever feeling like you're some kind of burden on him. Ok?"

Jeremy smiled. "Ok." He thought about how lucky he was to have a dad and an uncle who were both willing to listen to him when he needed to talk, and who actually cared about how he was feeling and what he was going through. Sometimes it still hit him hard that this was all his now. Forever. "Hey, Uncle Luke?"

Luke patted Jeremy's shoulder and withdrew his hand. "Yes, nephew?"

Jeremy felt too awkward to say exactly what he was thinking. "Thanks for coming to these games with me. I really like this."

"No problem. I really like it, too."


	40. Chapter 40 - Family Stuff

**Chapter 40 Notes:** Just a few family moments here. April pops up. Luke takes Jess to dinner. Jess gets a new title. Thanks for all the very kind reviews for the last chapter. I love hearing from you guys so much! :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my obsession with Gilmore Girls

"Did something happen? Is Dad, ok?" April picked up the call sounding worried and expecting the worst, and Jess felt his stomach drop. He _knew_ something was wrong with Luke. He had had a bad feeling ever since their conversation about estate planning the other day.

" _You_ tell me, April. He won't tell me anything. What's going on?" Jess felt hurt at the realization that Luke had confided in April and not him. So, much for being kind of his kid. April was still clearly more important.

"What are you talking about, Jess? You called me." Her voice was high now, and a little annoyed. "You tell me what's going on."

"I don't know what's going on. That's why I'm calling. So, talk. I'm serious here." Jess tried to sound as firm and adult as possible.

"Uh, sure. Just as soon as you clue me into what we're talking about…." April's voice was a mixture of annoyance and amusement. She sounded as if she were about to make fun of him.

"Don't play dumb, April. I know you're worried, too. You answered the phone asking if he was ok. I know you know something."

April laughed then, light and and unconcerned. "God, Jess, you can be such an idiot sometimes! I asked if Luke was ok because A you're calling me instead of texting and B it's not my birthday. Since, I can't recall the last time those two events coincided, I got worried and figured you were calling to tell me that something bad had happened to Luke."

Jess felt instantly ashamed. For making his cousin worry and for being so shitty at keeping in touch that his name appearing on her phone could cause alarm. "Hey, I call you."

"Yep. You do. Every year on my birthday. And, let me just check the old calendar here…...just as I suspected! Today is not my birthday!"

"All right, smart ass. I get it. Sorry I'm such a shitty cousin."

"I forgive you." Jess could hear the smile in April's voice and he realized he missed April. "So, what are you talking about? Is there really something going on with Luke?"

"I don't know. He was just behaving kind of weird the other day."

"He often behaves kind of weird. I need more specifics here."

Jess huffed out a laugh. "This was extra weird. He just did all his estate planning for his assets, and put everything in his will and he wanted to tell me about it. Like, he made a special point to tell me about it."

"That's not weird. That's responsible. He told me about that, too. If that's what has you worried, I'd say you're being a little dramatic."

Jess thought about all the times he had told Jeremy that he was being dramatic, and made a mental note to stop now that he knew how annoying and frustrating it was.

"It was more than just that. He wants to take me out to dinner one night this week to talk, just the two of us, about something that he led me to believe was related to this topic. I just, I don't know….I got a bad feeling, I guess, that maybe something's wrong that he isn't telling me. Has he talked to you about wanting to talk to you about something?"

"Um, no. He usually just calls and we have a conversation. He doesn't normally call to set up another call for a future conversation."

"See, that's what I mean! It's weird that he didn't just tell me what he wanted to say. That he's making me wait until we're alone and taking me out to dinner."

April sighed. "Did you ask him if anything was wrong?" She spoke slowly as if she were talking to a young child that she didn't think was terribly bright.

"Yes, April, of course I did." Jess returned the condescension.

"Well, what did he say?" She sounded like a particularly patient first grade teacher.

"He said he was fine. That nothing's wrong. And, that if something was wrong he would tell me."

"Oh, my god, Jess. It must be so much harder than I realized going through life with a male brain!"

"April-" Jess started out sternly, not sure where he was going with it, but getting frustrated that she wasn't taking him seriously.

"Jess, he told you he's fine, right? He hasn't told me anything to the contrary, and I think we both know he would tell me first, since I'm his favorite, right?" April's voice was teasing, but she had a point. Jess couldn't see Luke telling him about a serious health concern without telling April first. She was his daughter, after all, no kind of about it.

"That's why I called. You really don't know anything?"

"Actually I know _tons_ of things! Just nothing about Luke being sick."

Jess rolled his eyes. "You're such a child."

"Yeah, well, you're a doofus." April cracked herself up.

"Huh…" Maybe he had been jumping to conclusions. He could see Luke telling April something first and making her promise not to tell Jess if his uncle had wanted to break the news to him himself, but he couldn't see April being so playful and unconcerned if something was really wrong. "All right. I believe you."

"About you being a doofus?" April laughed again and Jess smiled at the sound. She was reminding him of Jeremy. Kids were so dumb about what they found funny.

"Hey, I wonder why I only call you on your birthday!" Jess said brightly, with feigned curiosity.

"You should call me more often. You're fun to make fun of on the phone."

Jess chuckled. "Yeah? Maybe, I will. It's not too terrible to hear your voice either. So, what's going on with you? How are things going over in Beantown?"

"Things are good! We had this really interesting situation in the field the other day. It was crazy, really, and if you know anything about the lifecycle of the Eastern Black Swallowtail butterfly, you'll see what a funny story this is-"

Jess pulled out a chair and sat down at the table, propping his feet up on the chair next to him, ankles crossed and as he listened to April's story. He didn't always know what she was talking about, but he enjoyed how enthusiastic she was about everything. The older he got, the more he found himself jealous of that enthusiasm, which he associated mainly with the young, even though he couldn't really remember ever having had it himself.

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"This looks great, Jeremy. Thanks for making this."

Jeremy looked up from the table and watched Jess open the lid of the pot that held the leftover pasta with sauteed vegetables he had made for dinner. Winston had followed his dad into the kitchen after being greeted at the door, his toenails clicking against the tile floor. Jeremy had already eaten and fed Winston, but Jess had just gotten in from an evening of Uber driving after a full day at the bookstore.

"No problem. It was ok, but I think I cooked the asparagus too long. It got kind of soft and wilty."

"I'm not gonna complain. I really appreciate that you cooked." Jess scooped some into a bowl, grabbed a fork, and sat down at the table across from Jeremy to eat. "So, how was your day?"

"It was ok." Jeremy said.

Jess seemed to notice the study accessories then, open textbook, laptop, pen and open notebook. "Are you in the middle of something? I don't want to bother you if you're busy studying?"

Jeremy smiled, thinking about what Jess always did when the situation was reversed and wanting to do the same for him. He flipped down his laptop screen and gave Jess his full attention. "You never bother me."

Jeremy watched a warm smile spread across Jess's face. "So, how was school?"

"It was good. I got back that English paper you proofread last week on _The Color Purple_. I got an A+."

Jess finished chewing a bite of pasta. "I knew you would. It was a great paper."

"Thanks. And, uh, Cassidy asked me to go to the prom with her. Just as friends, since neither of us are with anyone or would have a date anyway."

Jeremy watched Jess nod. "Yeah? What did you say?"

"I said yes. It's ok if I go, right? I mean, was I supposed to check with you first, before I said yes?"

Jess laughed. "I don't know if telling a girl that you need to check with your dad first is ever a good move. And, hey, am I that much of a jerk that you thought there was a chance you wouldn't be allowed out of the house to go to your prom?"

Jeremy could feel his face warming with embarrassment. "It's not like I thought you wouldn't let me go. It's just, like…...the prom is expensive. The tickets are $50 apiece. And, we're sharing a limo with some of Cassidy's friends so I have to pay for my part of that. Plus, I need to rent a tux and get shoes and stuff. And, I was researching it online, and I think I need to buy her flowers. It's going to add up, and I didn't know how you'd feel about me wasting my money on that stuff when I should be saving it for college."

Jeremy watched Jess chew with a thoughtful expression on his face. "I don't think the prom is a waste of money. I think it's a normal teenage rite of passage type of thing. I want you to be able to go. How about this? You get your ticket and the corsage for Cassidy, and I'll pay for your tux and shoes and your share of the limo."

"Oh, no! You don't have to do that, Jess. I wasn't trying to get you to pay for anything. I have the money. I just wanted to make sure you were ok with me spending it on this stuff."

"I know. And, I'm ok with you spending your money on the ticket and the flowers, but I want to spend my money on the tux and the limo. I could have sworn I _just_ said that." Jeremy watched Jess smile. "I'm not sure if you're aware of this, Jeremy, but picking out your first tux with your dad is another teenage rite of passage."

Jeremy felt the sides of his mouth turning up in a small smile. "Oh, yeah?"

"You bet it is. I'll take you shopping. Help you pick out the most badass, James-Bond-looking tux in the place. Teach you how to tie a bow tie-."

"I already know how to tie a bow tie."

"Then, I'll pretend I'm teaching you how to tie a bow tie. You're not taking that moment away from me, kid. And, why on earth do you know how to tie a bow tie? I'm not even really sure how to tie one. I was going to google it, so we could have a special father-son moment."

Jeremy laughed. "I had a set of foster parents when I was little who used to make us dress up for church. The boys had to wear bow ties, and the dad taught us how to tie them." Jeremy watched Jess's face subtly change, the way it always did when he brought up something from an old placement, his old life, the edges of his expression becoming tinged with hurt and pity, while Jess tried to act like nothing was wrong. Jeremy was sorry he had said anything about the bow tie. "But, you know. That was a long time ago. I bet I forgot how to do it. I could probably use a refresher course."

Jess recovered nicely, a big smile on his face. "Now, you're talking. I bet there's been lots of innovations in bow tie tying technology since then."

Jeremy returned the smile. "But, honestly, you can help me pick it out without paying for it. I can do that."

"Ah, no can do, son. It's a dad rite of passage to pay for your son's first tux rental. You wouldn't want to deny me that, would you?"

"Well, I guess if you put it that way…" Jeremy said.

"I do. I put it exactly that way."

"Thanks, Jess. So, did Luke take you tux shopping when you went to the prom?"

"No. They wouldn't let me go to the prom because I wasn't graduating."

"Oh." It was still hard for Jeremy sometimes, to wrap his head around who Jess used to be. Someone who hadn't cared about anything. Who had had so little regard for own his future that he had let himself flunk out of high school. Who had disappeared on the uncle who loved him and walked out on his own girlfriend. It all seemed so incongruent with the thoughtful and conscientious man that Jeremy knew as his dad.

"So, who are the friends you're sharing the limo with?"

"Oh, uh, Andy and Charlotte. The couple you met at the bookstore. And, one other couple, Ryder and Amanda. And, I guess Amanda is planning to have a party at her house after. Cassidy says people are going to stay all night and probably sleep there. Is it ok if I do that, too?"

"Yeah. That's fine. But, if you decide you don't want to sleep on the floor, or you get tired of being around a bunch of drunk kids and want to come home, you can call me anytime of night for a ride, ok?"

"I know." Jeremy watched Jess's expression shift, revealing obvious pleasure at his admission. "And, I'll totally pay for the flowers for Cassidy, but do you think maybe you could help me pick those out, too?"

"Of course, Jeremy. I'd be happy to."

"Thanks. I've never bought a girl flowers before. And, I know it's not a real date or anything, but I don't want to get it wrong and do something embarrassing."

Jess smiled and nodded. "I think we can handle it."

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"Sure." Rory said. "Come inside and take Leelee for me, and I'll go get it for you."

"C'mere, girl." Jess stepped into the Gilmore house and accepted Leelee from Rory, gently positioning the baby against his chest.

"C'mere, girl?" Rory laughed. "She's a person, not a dog, Jess."

"Huh? Oh." He looked down at the baby who was staring up at him with wide, curious eyes. "Sorry, kid. No offense. My little furbaby likes it when I talk to him like that. And, he's about your size and also warm and cuddly. Hence my confusion."

Leelee smiled and squeaked out a high pitched laugh and grabbed a handful of the front of Jess's hoodie in her little hand. "See, she didn't mind. She likes me. We're buds, aren't we, sweetie?" Jess could feel his voice taking on that ridiculous affectation that he only got around Leelee and Winston.

"Don't let it go to your head. She likes everyone. She's a really happy baby."

"What's not to be happy about?" Jess asked absently, his eyes still trained on Leelee's, watching the baby smile and make soft gurgling noises. "She's got a good deal, living in this house, surrounded by people who love her and want to cuddle her all the time. Your life is pretty good, isn't it, Leelee?"

"You called her Leelee." Jess looked up in confusion to see Rory smiling warmly at him.

"Uh, that is the kid's name, right?" Jess looked back down at Leelee, shifting her a little against his chest. "That's your name, right, kid?"

"It is. But, you usually go out of your way to not use it."

"Well, I can't expect her to respond to, 'hey you, baby' for the rest of her life, can I?"

"I guess not. What do you want her to call you?"

Jess looked up again to find Rory smiling expectantly at him. "What do you mean?"

"Well, April's her aunt because she's my step-sister. Luke's her grandpa because he's married to my mom. And, Doula and Jeremy are her cousins. I know you're technically some kind of cousin to her, too, but since you're my generation, I wanted to give you the choice of being a cousin or an uncle. And, since she's getting older and they say she's absorbing everything she hears, I want to be able to start teaching her the right names for everyone in her life."

"Oh, yeah?" Jess could tell his voice sounded a little off.

"Yeah. But, it's up to you. No pressure. You can think about it if you want. I'm going to go grab the toolbox for you." Jess got a slightly uncomfortable vibe off Rory and he wondered if he had messed things up by not being flattered at the request and agreeing to be Leelee's uncle right away. It would be a weird thing, to have Rory's daughter call him by a family name. He was no longer interested in Rory romantically, but it still felt odd, like he was making a formal, permanent commitment to being part of Rory's family. Being Leelee's uncle felt like a lot, an extra responsibility that he wasn't sure he wanted. It would make him someone who needed to remember the girl's birthday, buy her thoughtful gifts at Christmas, and be an actual person in her life, possibly a positive male role in the blond dick's absence. He thought about his own childhood and the absence of family in his life when he had been a kid. He looked down at Leelee's big blue eyes. Maybe being an uncle wouldn't be such a bad thing.

"Here you go." Jess watched Rory set the toolbox on the coffee table. "So, what needs fixing anyway?"

Jess didn't like the overly bright quality to her voice. He could tell it was put on, that he had hurt her feelings. She had put herself out there to connect with him, to capitalize on the rapport they had found at the bookstore after the author reading and cement their status as family, and he hadn't met her where she was.

"Thanks. The sink in the apartment bathroom is leaking."

"And, you know how to fix something like that? My, aren't you handy."

"I'm pretty sure Luke is going to do the actual fixing. I was just sent to fetch the wrench."

"Ah…..of course."

Jess felt transfixed by Leelee. What was it about babies that could make a person want to hold one forever?

"Are you ever sad that you didn't get to have Jeremy as a baby?"

Jess smiled. "Nope. I would have been fifteen and that would have been all kinds of awkward. And, I'm pretty sure Liz would have beaten the shit out of me if I'd brought home a baby my sophomore year." Jess remembered the baby in his arms. "Sorry, sweetie. Forget you heard that. I don't want to be blamed when the first word out of your mouth is a swear."

Rory was smiling at him, her expression a little sad. "Do you think you want to have more kids?"

"I don't know." Jess answered honestly. "Jeremy's enough for me by myself. But, maybe if I'm with someone, that would change, and I'd want another one."

"Babies are pretty great."

"Yeah." Jess bounced at the knees a few times until Leelee started laughing. "This little thing's not too terrible. I can see why people are so crazy about babies."

"You're good with her."

"Thanks." Jess walked toward Rory to hand the baby back to her mother. He tilted his head toward the coffee table. "Well, I should get that wrench back over to Luke."

"Ok. It was nice to see you."

"It was nice to see you guys, too." Jess knew he meant it. He lifted the toolbox and watched Rory smile down at her daughter. "So, I'm thinking I should go with uncle, if that's cool."

Rory looked up and met his eyes. He could tell her smile was for him now, and he liked that. He felt like he had done something right. "Yeah? Uncle Jess." She tested it out. "I like it. It makes me think of Uncle Jesse on Full House."

Jess chuckled. "It actually makes me think of Dukes of Hazzard. But, hey, I can't let April out rank me."

He lifted the toolbox. "Thanks for this." And, headed for the door.

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They were seated across from each other in a corner booth at Sniffy's Tavern. Jess knew Bud and Maisy had both passed, Bud many years ago and Maisy more recently. Their daughter had inherited the restaurant and oversaw the business from her home in Vermont, much as Jess and April would someday oversee the running of the diner from distant locations after Luke's passing. The thought made Jess sad. He wasn't sure if Luke still came here out of loyalty to Bud and Maisy, or for his own personal comfort, but Jess had had a feeling this was where they would end up tonight. After he had parked the truck out front, Luke had surprised Jess by grabbing a manilla folder from the glove box and carrying it in with him. It sat on the table in front of Luke now, as they waited for their food to arrive.

"So." Jess started slowly, drawing out the word. "Are you going to tell me what you want to talk to me about?"

Luke was smiling at him fondly, and the tension Jess had been carrying in his stomach since Luke had invited him to dinner a few days ago finally melted away. This wasn't the face of a man who was about to give someone he loved bad news.

"First, can you and Jeremy come over for a family dinner for your birthday?"

Jess raised one eyebrow. "Seriously? You asked me to dinner to….ask me to another dinner? I have to say that's pretty anticlimactic."

"That's not why I brought you to dinner, but Jeremy was asking me what we were going to do for your birthday, and I wanted to ask you before I forgot."

"We never do stuff like that for my birthday."

"I know. But, this is your first birthday with Jeremy. And, the first one where you've been in a good place with everyone at the same time, your mom and TJ, Lorelai. I think it will be fun. And, I think it would be nice for Jeremy to see everyone there for you, for your birthday. I think he'd really like that."

"Ok."

"Ok. So, don't make any other plans or anything. Your actual birthday is on a Friday night this year, so we figured we'd do it then."

"Ok." Jess repeated. "I'm all yours and Jeremy's on my birthday. Now that we've established that, can we please get to the super secret reason for being here. I have to say, the curiosity has been driving me a little crazy."

Luke laughed. "I'm sorry about that, nephew. It's nothing bad. I just wanted to talk to you alone some place where we wouldn't be interrupted."

"Ok. Well, we have that here." The place was less than half full, even though it was seven o'clock.

Luke pulled the folder toward him. Jess noticed his uncle's expression had taken on a hint of nervousness now. "I want you to do one thing for me, Jess. Don't say anything, just sit quietly until I'm done saying what I need to say. Ok? I want you to hear me out."

"Um, ok." This kept getting weirder and weirder.

"All right." Luke sighed, like he was about to plunge into something scary. "Here goes. I love you, Jess. I love you like you're my own son. You know that, right?"

"Um, am I allowed to respond or has the me sitting quietly and hearing you out portion of the evening already started?"

Luke sighed again, but this time it was tinged with playful annoyance. "Don't be a smartass."

"I love you, too. That's all I'm saying." Jess held his hands up, palms out in surrender.

"Well, sometimes when you have kids. And, you'll learn this later yourself, now that you have Jeremy. Sometimes, you do something or act a certain way that you think is right in the moment, maybe even the best thing for your kid at the time, and it's not until much later that you realize that maybe you did some things that weren't actually so great."

"Luke, what the hell are you talking about?"

"Jess, I'm not going to tell you again." Luke scolded. "Zip it."

"Ok, fine. Sorry."

"What I'm trying to say is that I've been thinking about you a lot lately. About how things were when you lived with me. How I was. Before I knew about April. When Rory was just the daughter of my favorite customer. When you were my first kid, the only one I had to take care of." Luke sighed. "And, how scared I was, of messing up with you, but also of being rejected by you. I didn't do a lot of the things I should have done with you. I can see that now. I didn't really see the difference when I got April. She was a girl, and only eleven when I met her, so much younger than you were when you came to live with me. It was hard to compare you two. But, now…...when I see you with Jeremy…...when I see _myself_ with Jeremy. I see it."

"I didn't hug you the entire time you lived with me, Jess. Not once. And, when I think back now, it's so clear to me that you were a kid who needed to be hugged. Who needed to be loved. The stuff I did, getting worked up and yelling at you like I used to, being worried about Rory instead of you when you guys started dating, not letting you call me uncle, never really being sincere about how I felt about you, never hugging you or telling you that I loved you even after I knew damn well that I did…...and kicking you out. The millions of ways I didn't treat you as well, as patiently, as I treat Jeremy. I need you to know that none of those things were because of who you were, Jess. You were a good kid who had been through a rough time. You deserved all the same things that we both do so easily for Jeremy. The problem was me. I was closed off then. I expected the worst constantly. I was afraid to really put myself out there emotionally with you. I was too scared to try to hug you in case you pushed me away. I was too worried about you laughing at me to tell you I loved you. I should have been braver. I should have been an adult and hugged you and told you I loved you and let you laugh and push me away if that's what you needed to do. I shouldn't have been such a coward."

Jess stared at Luke in something akin to shock. He remembered the first time Luke had hugged him, when he had been leaving town after Liz's wedding. He remembered how good it had felt, and how he had initiated their second hug himself, when Luke had come to the open house at the bookstore. Hugs had become a routine part of their hellos and goodbyes after that, but yeah, having someone want to hug him as a teenager would have been nice. He knew Luke was right, that he probably would have laughed and pushed his uncle away, but he thought maybe he could have been worn down if the man had persisted. He couldn't imagine being Jeremy's dad and not hugging the boy or kissing his head every day. Luke had paused and Jess was wondering if Luke was done when his uncle starting talking again.

"So, first, I want to say I'm sorry for that. For how guarded I was with you. And, also for not monitoring stuff at school better, and for kicking you out when you didn't graduate. It wasn't right. I left you to your own devices at school, even though I knew you weren't doing your work. Even after they called me in to talk about the problems you were having. Even when I knew you were skipping school to work at Walmart. I just kind of…..stuck my head in the sand about the whole thing. I gave you enough rope to hang yourself and then I kicked you out when you did. At the time, I told myself I was treating you like an adult, that kicking you out was tough love, but the older I get, the more I look back on it as a mistake. I feel like I gave up on you. And, I know it must have felt that way to you, too. That I washed my hands of you when things got hard, when things were really bad for you. And, I'm sorry for that, too."

Luke sighed and opened the manilla folder in front of him. "This is the part I really need you to hear me out on. Just listen. Ok?"

Jess nodded, not sure if he was allowed to talk yet.

"I need to make some stuff right with you, Jess." Luke paused, studying Jess for his reaction. "Ok. Here goes. Remember how I said that I had separated the diner and the apartment into separate legal entities and that I had thought about leaving them to you and April separately?"

Jess nodded wordlessly.

"Well, I didn't even know you could do that, but Taylor…..he's been on me to sell the ice cream shop to him for years. He was the one who told me that I could convert each part of the building into a separate condominium unit once the apartment had its own entrance. I converted the building into two retail units, one for the diner and one for the ice cream shop, and one residential unit for the apartment. I didn't want to sell to Taylor, but I liked the idea of three separate units, one for you, one for April and one for Rory after I'm gone."

Luke pulled the top sheet out of the folder and laid it down in front of Jess. It was a blueprint of the three separate condominium units that Luke had described. Jess studied it, still unclear about where this was going.

"But since you've been back in town, I've gotten to thinking about the past a lot. How I let you go off into the world with no high school diploma, never mind a college degree. You have no idea how that eats at me, Jess. You're supposed to do better for your kids, provide them with more than you had. It started worrying me the same way it did when I thought I had cancer. It still feels like unfinished business."

"So, the night of the reading at the bookstore, I told Taylor that I would sell him the ice cream shop. Here's the bill of sale."

Luke took another paper from the folder and laid it in front of Jess, on top of the blueprint.

"I need you to know that this has happened. It's a done deal. Right here." Luke pointed to a line on the contract. "That's what Taylor paid me for the store. That's what I currently have sitting in a money market account at the bank."

Jess felt his eyebrows raise as he took it in. The number wasn't small. And, it was apparently only one third of what Luke was worth in real estate holdings.

"Deduct 15% of about two thirds of that amount for capital gains tax and that's what I have left. I added some of it to the mutual fund I started when Doula was born. The rest is getting split in half. Half for you, half for April. I like the idea of leaving something to Rory, but I can't do it at your expense. I know she's taken care of financially for life, between Emily and Christopher, and now Logan for Leelee. I thought long and hard about her before I made this decision, but I think this is the right thing to do. I love that girl like she's mine, but I can't leave her a financial asset when she's going to inherit so much family money and you're still going without a college education." Luke sighed again. Jess couldn't tell if it was the decision about Rory, or the conversation itself that was taking a toll on his uncle. "April has a few loans from MIT. Nothing huge. Anna and I paid for most of it. April can use her half to pay those off and still have a decent chunk left for grad school when she decides to go. Or she can travel, or use it as a down payment on a house, whatever she wants." Luke took a deep breath and Jess could see how uneasy the man was feeling. "I want you to use yours for college. For you. Whatever's left over can go toward Jeremy's school, but I'm giving you this because I want you to go." Luke's expression went from nervous to earnest. "I want you to do this. I need to provide this for you. I've wanted to do this for years, and I know you turned me down the last time I offered, but things are different for you now. We both know that. I don't want to watch you struggle like this, working two jobs for the rest of your life, not being fulfilled with either one. I want you to study something that you enjoy and get a job you want, that pays decently and makes you happy. I need you to have this, Jess. I need you to let me do this for you."

They stared at each other for a moment. Jess felt himself getting choked up. He felt overwhelmed in the face of so much sincerity and love. He and Luke never did this, never spoke to each other like this, openly discussing their feelings, without protective walls carefully crafted from teasing and sarcasm.

"And, I want you to think about how you'd feel if you were in my shoes, if you knew you hadn't been the best parent to Jeremy that you could have been. If you had let him down about something this big and were desperate to fix it. And, you should know I haven't mentioned this to anyone. Not even April yet. If you don't want anyone, Liz, even Lorelai, to know about this, they don't have to. I don't care. I can keep it a secret. I just really want you to go to school. At the end of the day, you're a grown man and I can't make you do something you don't want to do….I get that. But, I really want to do this for you, Jess. So, please just consider what I've said-"

"Ok." Jess wasn't sure if he was done hearing Luke out and allowed to talk yet, but he couldn't take anymore.

"Ok, you'll consider it, or…?" Luke looked like he was trying to keep his emotions in check and not let himself get excited until he got clarification.

"Ok. I'll go to college." Jess's voice was thick with emotion, and he felt a little embarrassed at being so emotional. This must be how Jeremy felt every time he blushed. Jess smiled. "If they'll let me in."

The grin that spread on Luke's face almost pushed Jess over the edge. "That makes me so happy, nephew. Thank you."

Jess patted the bill of sale with his palm. "I'm pretty sure I'm the one who's supposed to be thanking you."

"It's my pleasure, Jess. I'm going to tell you the same thing I told Jeremy one time when he was worried about you working so hard to pay for his college. Parents are supposed to take care of their kids. Nothing makes us happier. I know you know that, now."

Jess nodded slowly. "Yeah. I do. I also know that secrets suck, so I'm fine with people knowing that you're paying for me to go to school. You're already housing me for free. What's another hit to the old ego?"

"Jess, I'm serious. I'm fine with whatever you want to do-"

"I know. And, I appreciate that. But, I don't want you keeping Lorelai in the dark about something on my account. She and I are good now and I'm fine with her knowing. And, you're a really shitty liar and I don't want to cause any problems for you there."

Luke smiled at his nephew, his eyes crinkling with happiness. "I'm so proud of you, nephew, of the man you've turned into. I hope you know that."

"Thanks, Luke. You didn't turn out too bad, either."

Luke huffed out a laugh.

"And, Luke, the stuff you said, about not being as good a parent to me as you could have been-."

"Jess." Luke's voice was stern. "I just needed you to hear that. To know that I realize how I went wrong with you. I'm not looking for you to make me feel better about it, or let me off the hook for it."

Jess nodded. "I know. I just. I need you to know that you were a good parent. You weren't perfect, and yeah, you probably are better to Jeremy than you were to me in some ways. But, he's an easier kid than I was. I know that, too. And, when I think back to that time, I don't think about the things you did wrong. I mostly think about how you did anything at all, when you didn't have to. You stepped up for a kid that you shouldn't have had to parent at all. You had no experience with kids. It was scary. I get that now, too. I appreciate the things you did for me, Luke, and the things you do for Jeremy. I think you were a great dad-type person to me, you still are, and I think you're an amazing grandpa-type person to Jeremy. We're both lucky to have you. I don't want you to beat yourself up over anything to do with me. Not graduating was my fault. As far as I'm concerned, you did right by me more than anyone I'd ever had in my life before I lived with you. I know I didn't take to you right away, or seem like I was listening to you most of the time, and maybe I was so thick skulled that everything took longer to sink in than it should have, but living with you mattered to me. You made me feel safe. That changed my life and who I was in a million little ways. I want you to know that."

"Thank you, Jess."

"Again, I'm pretty sure you have this backward and that I should be the one thanking you. So, thank you. Seriously."

They both sat there silently for a moment, lost in their own thoughts.

"I've wanted to go back to school for a while now. I've been thinking about it ever since I lost my job."

"Jeremy mentioned something to me about you thinking about college, and regretting not going. I figured this was a good time to do something."

"It didn't seem practical with my financial situation the way it is and with Jeremy about to enter college. It just seemed like I missed my chance. I really appreciate you thinking of me like this, Luke, and wanting to help me. This is huge. I want you to know how grateful I am."

Luke smiled at his nephew. "You should know by now, Jess, that parents are pretty much always thinking about their kids and trying to find ways to help them. All the time you spend thinking and worrying about your boy, that's how much time I spend thinking and worrying about mine. That doesn't change."

Jess laughed. "Then, I'm sorry, because that must suck for you."

Luke shook his head slowly. "It really doesn't. I can't imagine my life without all three of my kids. It would be less stressful sometimes, sure. I'd have less to worry about. But, it would never be worth the trade-off."


	41. Chapter 41 - Jess's Birthday

**Chapter 41 Notes:** This chapter contains Jess's birthday and a surprise visitor to Stars Hollow. Also, for the reader who was concerned that Jeremy had Rory on too high of a pedestal, that's about to change. :) Thanks to everyone who is still reading this story and for all the reviews and feedback I received for the last chapter.

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

Jeremy was lying on his side on the couch, one arm dangling down, hand gently rubbing Winston's upturned belly where the dog lay on the rug on the floor. Jeremy was staring at the television, when he felt Winston move under his hand. It wasn't until after the old dog had slowly rolled himself to his feet that Jeremy heard the footsteps on the stairs. Jess must be home. The dog trotted over to the door, tail wagging, to wait for Jess's entrance.

"Who is it, Winston? Who is it?" Jeremy asked in a high, urgent voice that always got the dog even more excited. "Is that your daddy?"

The dog let out a high-pitched whine, putting his nose close to the bottom of the door, his tail wagging frantically.

The door opened slowly and Jess took a step inside. "Hey, buddy!" He greeted the dog. "Back up, boy. Let me open the door." Jess carefully maneuvered around the excited dog until he was inside the apartment and closed the door behind him, crouching down to give Winston some pets. "How's it going, pup? How's my good boy?" He up looked toward Jeremy on the couch. "Hey, Jeremy. How was work?"

Jeremy pulled himself to a sitting position and clicked off the television. Jeremy was pretty sure Jess would never say anything about it, but it felt rude to address the man from where he had been sprawled out, half watching TV. "It was good. It was super slow, so Cesar had us close like half hour early."

Jess shook his head slowly, his affectionate tone belied his words. "Wow. Luke takes his eyes off you two for five minutes, and you guys slip right out the back door, huh?"

Jeremy smiled. "Luke's closed early before, too. I don't think he'll mind. How was your dinner?"

"It was good. Next time we go out, we'll take you with us." Jess gave Winston one final pat and stood up. "Your eye looks good. It's nice to see you finally looking like your normal, handsome self again." The bruise had lingered for weeks due to the trauma underneath, first as a dark purple, then a lighter blue and lastly an ugly greenish yellow. Jeremy had noticed the absence of the discoloration for the first time that morning as well. "How does it feel?"

"It feels normal. It's felt normal for a while. Now it just matches on the outside, too. Maybe we can go out with the bike again sometime soon."

Jess frowned. "I think we should wait until the summer to be safe. The doctor said that we shouldn't take the healed bruise to mean that your bone fracture is fully recovered. I'd like you to wait a bit longer before you do anything that could re-injure your face. Will you agree to that, or do we need to discuss it more?"

"Yeah, that's fine. I agree to not do anything stupid." It was the answer Jeremy had expected, even if it wasn't the one he wanted to hear. "So, what did Luke want to talk to you about? I mean, if you want to tell me. But, if it's something private, I get it."

Jess walked over to the couch and sat at the opposite end from Jeremy and faced the boy. "Actually, a big part of what he wanted to talk to me about concerns you, too. I think we should talk."

"Ok." Jeremy turned his body, positioning himself to face his father, feeling a little nervous. He knew Jess had been curious about what Luke wanted to talk about. He had been, too. But, the last thing he would have guessed was that it had anything to do with him. "Is it something about the diner? About how I'm doing my job?"

"Yes." Jess's expression was serious. "He heard that you sneak out early whenever his back is turned." Jess grinned. "C'mon, you really think Luke's such a wuss that he needs to use me as the bad guy to give you a poor performance review?"

Jeremy could feel his face warming slightly and knew he was likely blushing. It always happened easier when he was already nervous. "No. That's not what I meant." He protested. "I was just asking-"

"Too late!" Jess said with a smirk. "I'm telling him you said that."

Jeremy smiled, knowing his father was only joking. Jess teased him a lot, but he knew the man could be trusted to not embarrass him in front of other people. "So, what was it then, that he wanted to talk about?"

"He, uh. He sold the ice cream shop to Taylor." Jeremy furrowed his brow in confusion. "I mean, I guess to give you the proper background here, you need to know that Luke kind of blames himself for me not finishing high school or going to college. Which is stupid. He shouldn't, and I told him that. I didn't finish high school because I was a little shit who thought he knew everything and was too stubborn to listen to anyone else. I didn't pursue college for pretty much the same reason. It wasn't his fault. I was eighteen and it's not like he could force me to go if I didn't want to, right?"

Jeremy nodded. "I guess not."

"He couldn't." Jess said it more emphatically, and Jeremy wondered which of them he was trying to convince. "I mean, unless he was willing to come to every class with me and make sure I attended and did all my work. You really can't make someone do something they don't want to do."

"Yeah. I guess you're right." Jeremy agreed, even though he had always thought that was exactly what parents could do. Jeremy couldn't picture himself ever saying no to Jess about anything the man asked him to do, especially something like college that was for his own good anyway. Sneaking off to New York with Melissa had been one thing, but open defiance felt like another thing all together.

"I am right. But, Luke sees it differently." Jess paused, and Jeremy could tell he was thinking carefully about what to say next. "He thinks he let me down by not being able to make me finish school and go to college. It's bugged him for a long time. When I was in my mid-twenties, maybe, Luke thought he might have cancer, and one of the things he wanted to do then was send me to college. He considered it unfinished business that he wanted to take care of before he got sick. I politely declined the offer."

Jeremy wanted to ask why, but wasn't sure if he should ask questions or just let Jess finish.

"And, he's been thinking about it a lot again lately, since I lost my job at Truncheon for not having a degree. And, he's really serious about it this time. He even sold the ice cream shop to Taylor so that he could pay for it."

"Wow." Jeremy didn't know what to say. He loved the idea of Jess getting a degree. But, if Jess was going to school, too, and not working, he didn't know where that would leave him for help with his own education. He instantly berated himself for how selfish he was. If Jess was going to go to college, too, he wouldn't be able to help Jeremy, and that was fine. Lots of kids had to pay for college all by themselves. And, he had it better than a lot of them, because of the free roof over his head. Maybe he'd have to only go to school part-time to afford it. It might take him longer, but he would figure it out. He'd work his ass off and figure it out. He was happy for Jess. He hated the idea of Jess not being able to get an education because he was stuck paying for Jeremy's. "That's great, Jess. You're going to do it, right?"

"I told him I would, yeah." Jess was giving Jeremy the warm sincere smile that Jeremy always felt grateful to be on the receiving end of.

A scary thought hit the boy then. He felt a slight panic at the implications this could have for their family. "Uh, you're uh, going to stay local for school, though, right?"

Jess's expression was serious. "Nope, sorry kid, I'm ditching you and getting a dorm room at a party school somewhere on the west coast. Maybe I'll even pledge a frat. That's ok with you, right?"

Jeremy smiled at Jess's response.

"Yes, Jeremy. I'm staying local. I was thinking of applying to WCC for my first set of classes in the fall if I can still get it. Would you be ok with that?"

Jeremy grinned. "With us being classmates? Of course! I'm not sure if that will be really weird, or really fun, but I'm ok with it, either way."

"Really weird? Oh, c'mon! Rodney Dangerfield went to college with his kid and no one thought that was weird. They had a pretty good time if I recall correctly."

"I'll have to take your word for it because I have no idea who that is. I'm fine with us going to the same school. I'm really happy for you that you're going to do this, Dad."

"Thanks. I'm kind of happy about it, too. And, don't worry, I'm thinking I'm going to take the online program and go part-time so I can still work and help you with school and everything, so unfortunately, I won't actually be sitting behind you in class, kicking the back of your chair and flicking rubber bands at your head or anything."

"Oh." Jeremy felt a twinge of relief that made him feel like a jerk. Jess shouldn't have to go part-time for him. Jess had already given him so much, he didn't need to make any more sacrifices for Jeremy. "Are you sure? I mean, you don't need to worry about helping me. I can be the one to go part-time. That way I could work and pay for my classes as I go, and you could go to school full-time. You've already waited so long to get to go, don't you want to get through it as quickly as you can?"

Jess laughed. "Thanks for pointing out that I'm old, but you're not going part-time. You're going full-time. I'm not going to let your education get derailed in any way because of my shit. Plus, I've been out of school for a pretty long time, and I was never a great student to begin with. I think I need to ease back into it. And, I need to work. Even if Luke's paying my way for school and not charging me rent, I need to be bringing in money that I've earned myself and taking care of my kid in order to keep at least a modicum of my self-respect intact. So, thank you for the offer, but just so you know for the future, I'm never going to agree to any situation that involves you sacrificing something for me. Not your education. Not even the last cookie. Not anything. It's my job to take care of you, not the other way around. Got it?"

"Ok. If you're sure." Jeremy realized he had known Jess would turn down his offer, and he wondered if that was why he had felt safe making it.

"I'm sure." Jess nodded. He looked sure.

Jeremy smiled. "Maybe you could take one class on campus, so that we could take it together. I think it would be kind of cool. How many parents and kids get to do that?"

"Again, only Rodney Dangerfield comes to mind."

"Wouldn't that be fun, though?"

"It could be." Jess admitted. "We'll see."

"However you do it, I'm really glad you're going back to school. I like seeing you like this."

Jess raised an eyebrow in question. "Like what?"

"Just, happy like this about something for you. I feel like you're always doing stuff for me, and it's nice to see you getting something that's just for you."

Jeremy got the warm smile directed at him again. "Thanks, Jeremy. You're a really good kid. I hope you know that."

Jeremy smiled, hoping he wasn't ruining the moment by blushing again. "I should. You tell me enough."

"Good." Jess paused, his expression turning serious. "Hey, do I hug you enough?"

"What?" Jeremy was thrown off by the topic change. He laughed softly. "Yeah. I think so. I mean, you hug me like every day."

Jess nodded slowly, processing. "What about everything else? Telling you I love you? Spending time with you? Listening to you? Making you feel loved? Do I do all that stuff, enough?"

Jeremy huffed out an awkward laugh. "Uh, I think so. I mean, I guess I don't really know how much is enough, but I don't have any complaints if that's what you're asking." Jeremy stopped to collect his thoughts, wanting to give Jess a meaningful answer to his questions. "I think you spend a lot of time with me. And, I know that can't be easy because of how much you work. And, you always listen to me, like really listen to me, when I want to talk. Even if you're doing something else, you'll shut your laptop or put your book down and really pay attention to me. And, you tell me you love me all the time, like at least every night when I'm going to bed. And, other times, too, sometimes. You definitely tell me more than anyone else ever has."

"Yeah, but it's enough, right?" Jess asked earnestly. "I mean, I don't just want to do those things more than other people in your life have. I want to do them enough to make you feel loved. Do I?"

Jeremy was starting to feel concerned at the intensity of Jess's questioning. "Yeah. You do. I think you hug me enough. I think you tell me you love me enough. You're always kissing me on the head. Patting me on the shoulder or the back. I know you love me. I feel loved. Why are you asking me all this?"

Jess studied the boy for a moment. "Just checking, I guess. Something Luke said tonight made me wonder. I know I'll have regrets about things I should have done differently for you. From what I understand, most parents do. But, I don't want this to be one. I want to make sure I'm always clear on how amazing I think you are and how I love you so much more than I ever thought it was possible for me to love someone."

Jeremy gave Jess a small, tentative smile. "I'd say that was pretty clear, right there. You make me feel loved, Dad. Honestly."

"Ok. Good." Jess reached out one arm, directing the boy closer with a wave of his hand. "C'mere, kid."

Jeremy scooted down the couch toward Jess, who pulled him into a hug once the boy was within arms reach. Jeremy let himself be held against Jess's chest, feeling safe and loved. It struck him that maybe he needed to share his feelings with Jess more, so the guy would feel more secure about his parenting. Jeremy wrapped his arms around Jess's waist, rested his head on the man's shoulder. "You make me feel safe, too. I know you didn't ask about that, but just in case you were wondering." Jeremy felt a kiss land on top of his head.

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"So, I hear you two are going to be classmates at my old alma mater in the fall. That's exciting!" Lorelai enthused, smiling at Jess and Jeremy from across the dinner table. "WCC is an excellent choice, I have to say. I got a lot out of my time there, even just going part-time. I really felt ready to open the inn after I got my associates degree there."

Jess felt the momentary panic he always felt at having his life dissected, or even commented on, by people he was not particularly close to. He had told Luke that he had been accepted a couple of days ago. Jeremy a week before that. And, he had been the one to insist that he didn't want Luke to keep his college plans a secret. He should have expected it to come up at his birthday dinner.

Jess kept his voice light and playful. "That's right. So, go on. Hit me with all the Rodney Dangerfield and Billy Madison jokes. I can take it."

"Aww, it's so much less fun when you ask for it." Lorelai said.

Jess smiled. It felt good to be with his family without feeling tension.

"I think it's so great that you boys are doing this together, sweetie." Liz said, signing quickly as she spoke. "I always thought you should go to college! I know you always hated school, and I mean really _hated_ it, but it's not like you don't have a decent enough brain."

Jess turned to Jeremy. "Do you hear that, Jeremy? That's high praise from your grandmother, right there. I have a decent enough brain." Jess signed to include Doula and made a face at his mother's description of his brain. Both kids smiled at him.

"I just mean that it was always a motivation issue with you, not an intelligence issue." Liz continued. She turned toward the rest of the table. "Getting this kid to do his homework was a nightmare like you would not believe!"

Jess didn't remember a lot of fights about his homework. Most of the fights he remembered from his childhood were over much more serious things. The lack of groceries in the fridge. A jerk of a boyfriend picking on Jess. One of them not coming home at night. Jess was trying with Liz. He knew she had regrets from how she raised him. He also knew that she had trouble acknowledging the things she had told him privately at her house, in front of Luke and Lorelai. He knew Liz saw them as good parents and responsible people and she seemed to go into revisionist history mode around them. He saw it as partially involuntary and was doing his best to cut her some slack.

"I mean the arguments we used to have about school! Oh, boy! I could tell you stories-"

"I think they get the picture, Lizzie. But, Jess is going back now, so that's something." TJ cut in with a small smile in Jess's direction, and Jess smiled back, reflecting on how strange it felt to find that TJ had his back. He knew it had more to do with TJ wanting to help Liz preserve her relationship with her son than it did with protecting his feelings, but still, it felt oddly nice.

"It sure is." Liz smiled proudly. "I just mean, I get it. School was like that for me, too." She turned toward her brother. "Remember, Luke? How Dad could never get me to study?"

Luke nodded. "I remember. You drove that poor man crazy."

"But, now I run my own jewelry business and I turned out just fine."

"You sure did, hon." TJ said.

"Life is so crazy. Hey!" Liz said, clearly excited now. "Maybe I should go to college with you guys, too! I've thought about going back to school myself. Wouldn't that be so much fun?"

Liz turned expectantly to Jeremy and Jess, who had just put a large bite of pasta into his mouth and chewed silently.

"Yeah." Jeremy agreed. "That would be so much fun, Grandma."

Jess narrowed his eyes at his disloyal little shit of a son. Doula laughed at that, too. "See that?" TJ said. "Three generations of one family all going to college together. Rory, they should be in some kind of human interest story in the Gazette, don't you think?"

Liz laughed. "Oh, c'mon, I don't know about that."

Rory smiled. "I'll see what I can do, TJ. So, do you guys know what you're going to be studying yet? Do you think you'll actually have any classes together? That would be really cute!"

"The cutest!" Lorelai agreed.

Jess kept chewing as Jeremy answered the question. "Neither of us is a hundred percent sure what we're going to study, but that's ok because we have to take a bunch of gen ed classes at the beginning anyway. Jess is in the part-time program and he wants to do most of his classes online, but we're going to try to take the very first class of the program, composition one: college writing, together on campus our first semester."

"That's so great." Luke said. "I love that you guys are going to be in a class together."

"Me too." Jeremy agreed. "I'm excited for it."

"I'm going to have to get a first day of school picture of you two guys headed out of the house in September." Luke chuckled.

Jess opened his mouth to respond, but was cut off by Liz. "What about life coaching, honey? There's a huge market for it right now." Jess wanted to say that he hadn't seen that as a program offered at WCC. "And, you could be your own boss so you couldn't get fired again!" He took another bite of pasta, instead. "And, you really only need to know basic life stuff. Like how to listen to people and motivate them. I'm actually considering becoming a life coach myself."

"Really?" Lorelai asked. Jess watched Lorelai, appreciating how adept she was as suspending her disbelief around Liz, and wondering why it had taken him so long to recognize how kind she was.

The doorbell rang. Luke and Lorelai exchanged a quick puzzled glance before Luke rose to go to the door.

Liz didn't miss a beat. "Yes. Life coaching is huge right now! And, I've heard that a lot of the people who want coaching are interested in starting their own businesses. And, I have experience with that. I could help them."

"Rory, come here a minute please." Luke called from the hallway, his voice raised and tense.

Rory turned to Jess to hand off Leelee. "Here you go, Leelee. Go hang out with your Uncle Jess for a while. Mommy will be right back. She has to go see what Grandpa's yelling about."

"You're sure you broke up with Paul this time, right, hon?" Lorelai smiled brightly as her daughter walked behind her chair as she left the room.

Rory laughed. "That's so not funny!"

Jess looked down at the baby on his lap, her big blue eyes inquisitive as always as she stared up at Jess and smiled. He could hear quiet murmuring from the hallway, mostly drowned out by Liz's conversation with Lorelai. Then the table went silent. When Jess looked up, his eyes locked on Logan Huntzberger.

"Is that my girl? She looks just like you, Ace. Well done." The blond dick was all smiles, as if he hadn't just missed the first six months or so of his daughter's life. He looked much as Jess remembered him. He was wearing grey pants, and a crimson dress shirt under an open jacket, but his clothes fit perfectly, in that rich person way, dripping with money and quality tailoring. The smirk on his smirky little face was the very same that Jess remembered from that night in the bar in Hartford when Logan had goaded him about his book and his past with Rory. He still hated that smirk.

"I can't take all the credit. She's got some of her daddy in her, too." Rory was standing beside him, one hand laying gently on his arm, her expression a combination of happiness and shell-shock. Jess wondered what, if anything, was still going on there.

"Hi Logan." Lorelai smiled, clearly off guard as she got to her feet. Winston came trotting in from the living room to investigate the new person, sniffing at Logan's legs and wagging his tail when Logan lowered a hand for him to sniff. Another member of Jess's family acting like a disloyal little shit. He would have thought the dog would have better instincts.

"Hi Lorelai. It's good to see you. I apologize for barging in on your family dinner. I was at my parents' house in Hartford and I wanted to swing by and meet Leelee in person. I wanted to surprise Rory, but now I'm thinking I should have called ahead." Jess watched Logan give Lorelai a fake sheepish smirk, the kind that guys like him gave to appear charmingly apologetic when they were actually anything but.

"It's no problem, hon." Jess watched Lorelai mentally debate whether to go to Logan and greet him with a hug, and as much as he felt for her in the position she was in, in a way it felt good seeing her discomfort caused by someone other than him, like he and Lorelai were on the same side.

Lorelai decided to get the baby first. Jess readily handed Leelee off to her grandmother. He got it, babies made good buffers. Lorelai carried the baby across the room and handed her to Rory. "Here's our sweet girl." Lorelai said.

Rory kept the baby in her arms, but angled herself so that Logan could check out his kid. "Look who it is, Leelee! That's your daddy."

"Would you like to join us, Logan?" Lorelai asked. "We're just having a little family celebration for Jess's birthday, but you're more than welcome join us. The more the merrier. I can round up another chair. I think we have some more in the garage don't we, hon?" She addressed this last part to Luke, who was standing a few feet away from the blond dick, his expression unreadable. "Hon?"

Luke snapped out of it and looked at Lorelai. "Huh? Oh, me hon?"

"Yes, you. Want to go see if you can find another chair for Logan?"

"It's ok, mom. I think we'll just take Leelee outside for a while." Rory turned to Logan, who was still smiling broadly as if he wasn't uncomfortable in the least. Jess still hated that smirky face of his. "Let me just put a jacket and hat on her. I'll be right back." Rory headed to her room with Leelee.

Lorelai turned back to her table of guests. "Logan, I'm sure you remember Jess, Luke's nephew."

Logan raised a hand toward Jess in a small wave, making no effort to approach him as Jess made no effort to stand to shake hands. "Hello, Jess. It's nice to see you again."

"Hi, Logan."

"And, this is Jess's son, Jeremy." Jess watched the guy's eyes widen momentarily at the introduction as he extended a hand for Jeremy to shake.

"It's nice to meet you, Jeremy."

"You, too."

"And these are Jess's parents, Liz and TJ. Liz is Luke's sister." Jess wasn't sure how he felt about TJ being lumped in with Liz as his parent, but this didn't seem like the right time to correct Lorelai. "And, their daughter, Doula."

Logan shook hands with Liz and TJ and returned the ASL sign for hello to Doula. Jess could tell the guy thought he was pretty charming, and it irked him even more.

"You have such beautiful blue eyes." Liz was telling the blond dick. "Those are Leelee's eyes. That's where she gets them from. I'm very good with differentiating shades of colors. I have to be in my line of work."

"Thank you." Logan leveled his smirky smile at Liz. "That's very kind of you. I'm glad to know I've contributed something to my little girl."

"Or, you know." Luke said, his tone gruff as he walked past Logan to stand next to Lorelai. "She gets them from Rory. Rory has beautiful blue eyes, too."

"Hey, you're both right!" Lorelai said, her smile bright. "Her blue eyes could have come from anywhere." Jess didn't think he had ever seen Lorelai this uncomfortable, almost nervous. "I have 'em. My grandmother had them. He has 'em." She gestured toward Jeremy with one hand, then crouched down so that her head was at the same level as the boy's, next to his, facing Logan. "See? Blue eyes all over the place. This family is lousy with 'em."

"When you're right you're right, Lorelai." Logan continued to smile, unphased by the tension or Luke's less than hospitable manner.

"Ok." Rory emerged from the bedroom wearing a light jacket and carrying Leelee, who was now properly outfitted for the outdoors. Rory was glowing. "I changed her, too. Just in case. We don't want to poop on Daddy the first time we meet him, do we, Leelee?"

Logan smiled warmly at Rory. "You two are a picture, Ace. I've never seen anything more lovely than this." Logan turned back toward the table. "Again, I'm sorry to interrupt. Thank you for your hospitality, Lorelai." He turned his head to encompass Liz, TJ, Jeremy and Doula. "It was great to meet you all, and to see you again, Luke. Enjoy your dinner. Oh, and happy birthday, Jess."

"Yeah, thanks." Jess tried to keep his voice level and unaffected, as if blond dicks crashed all his birthday dinners.

Logan smirked and followed Rory out the door.

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"Luke, do you want to come back to the apartment with us, and get out of here for a while?" Jess asked. Jeremy was standing next to him at the front door, a tupperware container holding two pieces of cake in his hands, trying not to be obvious as he stared into the living room, where Rory and Logan were seated close together on the couch, talking quietly and playing with Leelee.

"Thanks, but I think I'm going to stay here. In case she needs anything." Luke was also eyeing the little family on the couch. They had come back in after it had started to drizzle outside, and the awkwardness of Logan's presence had brought the evening to an end before dessert. Even Liz and TJ, who usually seemed pretty clueless to social cues were quick to make their exit and give Rory and Logan time alone with Leelee.

"Here you go." Lorelai walked up with a pint of ice cream in one hand and a gift wrapped shirt box in the other. She stacked the ice cream on top of the tupperware container already in Jeremy's hands. "Some mint chocolate chip to go with the cake." She turned to Jess. "And, this is for you from both of us. Happy birthday!"

Jess accepted the gift. "You guys didn't need to get me anything. I think the whole paying for school thing is enough."

Lorelai shrugged. "It's just something small that we wanted you to have." She smirked. "If you like it, I picked it out, and if you hate it, Luke did." Jess huffed out a laugh. Jeremy watched the exchange, thinking about how much better his dad got along with Lorelai and even Liz, than he had when they had first moved to town. Jeremy liked it. It felt comfortable, the way he had always imagined having a family would feel.

"Sorry to give you guys the bum's rush like this, especially on your birthday." Luke said.

"It's ok, Luke." Jess said. "Thanks for having us over to begin with." Luke and Lorelai hugged each of them before they left and Jeremy noticed the happy smile on Luke's face as he watched Lorelai and Jess pull back from each other.

Jess turned to him. "All right, kid. You ready to blow this popsicle stand?"

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As far as Jess was concerned, this was the perfect ending to his birthday, sitting on the couch with Jeremy, eating cake and ice cream and watching TV, while Winston slept on the rug at their feet. It reminded Jess of how they had ended Jeremy's birthday in Philly, and even though it hadn't been planned tonight, it felt like a tradition of sorts.

"So, that was Leelee's dad, huh?" Jeremy asked.

Jess nodded. "Yep. That was him."

"Luke hates him, doesn't he?"

Jess thought about that. "He doesn't _hate_ him. Or, at least, he didn't always. Luke was able to tolerate the guy pretty well when he dated Rory in college. But, well, don't repeat this to anyone, ok?" Jess looked seriously at his son and waited for the boy to make eye contact.

"I won't. I promise."

"Logan was engaged to another woman when he and Rory were seeing each other. He's married to her now. I'm guessing that's why Luke started hating him."

"Oh…..that sucks." Jeremy paused to think this over. "And, Rory didn't know about his fiancee? And, now she has to share her baby with him. That's terrible. Poor Rory."

Jess nodded his head. "It's a tough situation on a lot of levels, for sure. But, Rory did know about Logan's fiancee. Rory actually had a boyfriend of her own while she was seeing Logan."

"So, they were both cheating on people?"

"From what I understand, yes." Jess wasn't sure if all this detail was necessary, or if he just wanted to tarnish his son's view of Rory a little bit, after the way the boy had taken her side when he had learned about how Jess had left her to go to California. He could still remember the boy's disapproving expression as he told Jess that he was lucky that Rory still spoke to him. He felt a twinge of guilt at the disclosure of Rory's affair. Fuck it. It was his birthday. If this was the kind of parenting misstep he would regret later, he could live with it.

"That really surprises me. I can't picture Rory doing something like that."

Jess restrained his eyes from rolling. He considered himself too much of a gentleman to point out all the other cheating Rory had done over the years, including breaking up an actual marriage. Jess genuinely liked Rory, and he believed her to be a good person, a kind person, in many ways, but when he looked at the pattern of her relationships, both those he knew about and those he had heard about from Luke, cheating seemed to be her greatest weakness. "People are nothing if not surprising. That's for sure."

Jeremy finished his cake and ice cream and set his empty plate down on the coffee table. "Can I give you your present now?"

Jess took in the boy's eager face. "You didn't have to get me anything, Jeremy. Just having you for a son is gift enough."

Jeremy laughed, and stood up. "You're so full of crap. I'm going to go get it."

Jeremy returned with a large box, maybe a foot and a half tall, wrapped in shiny green and yellow paper. He set it on the couch next to Jess. "Can you open the one from Luke and Lorelai first, though? I want mine to be last."

"Sure. Hand it over." Jess put his almost empty plate on the coffee table and waited for Jeremy to hand him the gift from Luke and Lorelai. "What do we think it is?" Jess asked, as he picked up the package and shook it near his ear.

"I already know what it is. They got me one, too, but I wasn't supposed to say anything until after you got yours."

"Huh. I'm not sure I like you and Luke always being in cahoots behind my back." Jess laid the box on his lap and gently peeled back the paper on one end and slipped the box out. He lifted the lid to reveal what looked like a grey hoodie. He practically lived in the hoodie he had bought at the Goodwill back in Philadelphia after the fire, so this seemed like an odd choice. He felt a small ember of annoyance at the idea that Lorelai was trying to replace an item in his wardrobe that she didn't think was good enough.

"Take it out. You have to see the whole thing." Jeremy prompted.

Jess pulled the sweatshirt out of the box and held it up. There was a small navy blue insignia that he didn't recognize on the left side of the chest. He flipped it around, and found deliberately faded navy blue letters spelling out Wollaston Community College across the back. While he wasn't the kind of person who would buy a school sweatshirt on his own, Jess found himself surprisingly touched by the gift.

"Mine is the opposite, navy blue with grey writing, so we won't look too goofy if we happen to wear them at the same time. Lorelai said that Luke wanted to get us both this one, but she made him buy two different ones."

"I have to say this is pretty snazzy." Jess pulled the sweatshirt on over his t-shirt and zipped it partway up the front. "I feel like a real college student now."

"It was super nice of them, right? Like, really thoughtful and everything."

Jess looked at the happy expression on his child's face and thought about all the ways his family had added to his kid's happiness. He had to agree. "Yeah, this is great. They are definitely thoughtful people."

"Ok. Open mine, now." Jeremy said.

"Ok, here goes." Jess ripped off the paper and found himself staring at the box for a brand new Vitamix blender. He felt a swirl of emotions, as his mind went back to that morning in Philadelphia, coming home from a run, standing in the kitchen when Jeremy told him about his allergy, the panic, the complete and total panic that he could have accidentally killed the kid, then the anger later in Stars Hollow, and Jeremy's breakdown by the side of the road. "Jeremy." Jess's voice was thick with emotion. "You didn't need to do this."

Jess looked at his son, who was watching him seriously, and maybe a little nervously. "Yes, I did." The boy's voice was quiet. "I owed it to you."

Jess was taken back to another conversation, then. He could hear his twenty-one year old self telling Luke the same thing at the bookstore in Philadelphia, when he pressed the check into his uncle's hand, repayment for the money Luke had hidden in his car to cover the cost of repairs. Jess insisting that he was just paying what was owed. And, Luke allowing Jess to push past his resistance, accepting the check and allowing Jess to hold on to some of his self-respect. It had been a lot of money for Jess back then, as this had been for Jeremy, now. But, Jeremy was right. Jess knew he would feel the same in Jeremy's shoes. As much as Jess didn't like the idea of accepting such an expensive present from his teenage son, as much as his instincts told him to admonish the boy for wasting his money on something like this when there was an ancient but perfectly functional blender in the kitchen, he was proud of Jeremy for wanting to make reparations for what he had done, and he didn't want to take away from the kid's moment. "It's perfect. I love it. Thank you."

The boy grinned and Jess knew it had been the right thing to say.

"I know that you forgave me for that whole situation, but I just really wanted to do this. I wanted to try to make things as right as I could for what I did. I still feel bad, and just so stupid, whenever I think about it." Jeremy paused, looking down at the couch cushion between them. "I was so scared the day you found out. I mean, I felt physically sick. I was so sure I had ruined everything with you….When I think about that day, I still get sick to my stomach."

"You think you were scared. Try dealing with a teenager having a roadside mental breakdown."

Jeremy huffed out a laugh, but he looked up and met Jess's eye. "Thanks for keeping me and being my dad, even though stuff wasn't always great in the early days."

"You're welcome, but that goes both ways. Thanks for staying with me and being my son, even though I didn't really know how to be a dad in the early days."

Jess could feel himself grinning. "What?" Jeremy asked.

"Nothing. I was just thinking how cool it is that we've been a family long enough to have early days to look back on."

Jeremy smiled. "Yeah, that is pretty cool."

"So, did you have a good time tonight?" Jess asked. "I mean, before the blond dick came along and ruined everything with his stupid face."

Jeremy huffed out a laugh. "Yeah. I did. I always have a good time when we do family stuff. What about you? Did you have a good birthday?"

"I did. Except for one thing."

"The blond dick?"

"Honestly, Jeremy, try to be a little more respectful of your elders." Jess fake scolded the boy, and Jeremy laughed softly. "I was actually referring to what a little kiss ass you were with Liz." Jess put on a high, overly enthusiastic voice. "I think it would be so much fun if you went to college with us, Grandma! Maybe we can all major in life coaching together! That would be the best!"

Jeremy laughed. "What was I supposed to say? She's my grandmother! And, you weren't any help, sitting there with your mouth full, not saying anything. Besides, I think she means well and she just wants to spend more time with you."

Jess chuckled. "Don't try to rationalize being a disloyal little shit, Jeremy. That only makes it worse."

Jeremy barked out more laughter, then let it trail off. "Do you think she'll really do it?"

"Absolutely not. She'll be on to something else in five minutes." Jess scoffed. "Life coaching. I pity the poor souls who would pay good money to get life advice from my mother."


	42. Chapter 42 - Promposal

**Chapter 42 Notes:** Here's a little bit of forward progress with Jess's love life. Thanks so much for all the reviews from the last chapter. I really appreciate each and every one. :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Jess was working on his laptop, researching local authors for his next event at the bookstore. He was also watching his son. The boy sat across the table from him, laptop and textbook open in front of him, scribbling something into a notebook. Jeremy would be graduating high school soon. He hadn't even been part of Jess's life for a full calendar year. That seemed an impossible fact when Jess thought about how much he had bonded to Jeremy. Some days it still felt so wild when he thought about the fact that he had a kid. As if he couldn't believe he had actually done what he had, adopting a teenage boy as a single parent. Other days it seemed crazy that he hadn't had Jeremy forever. Jess rarely thought about his life before Jeremy was in it. He would have a stray thought, here and there, when something reminded him of his teenage years with Luke, or a moment with Charisse, or something at Truncheon. But, all those things, the whole life he had carefully cultivated for himself in Philadelphia, now felt like the aberration, a placeholder for what he had really been meant to do all along, live his real life here in Stars Hollow, fathering this amazing kid and having a clear and meaningful purpose for the first time in his life.

"What?" Jeremy looked up from his homework and caught Jess staring.

"Huh? Oh, nothing." Jess said.

"Uh, you're kind of staring at me." Jeremy's mouth curved up at the corners.

"Sorry. I was just thinking."

"Did you want to maybe elaborate on that…...or….?"

Jess smiled at the boy. "I was just thinking about when I first got you."

Jeremy frowned comically. "That makes me sound like a puppy."

"Huh." Jess said. "I was thinking about when you first came to live with me. Is that better?"

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah. What were you thinking about it?"

Jess shrugged slightly. "Just that it was possibly the single greatest day of my life."

Jeremy looked a little uncomfortable, and Jess assumed it was the boy's usual reaction to being praised or told how valuable he was. "I hate thinking about that first night."

"Really? I kind of like thinking about it. It's the origin story of our relationship. Like the day the Kents found Kal-El in the cornfield when he was a baby."

Jeremy cringed. "Yeah, but I was such an idiot that night. I made such a fool of myself. It's embarrassing."

Jess shrugged, remembering the boy talking back to him, trying to goad him, and then breaking down in sobs at his kitchen table in Philly. "That part's water under the bridge. You were nervous. So was I. I wasn't at my best that night either."

The boy laughed softly. "Yeah, you were pretty nervous. I remember you trying so hard to be funny and charming. I didn't know at the time that that was just how you act when you're nervous and trying to make a good impression on someone. I was worried you were this giant tool." The boy made himself laugh again at his description. This was familiar territory. Jess knew that he hadn't made the best first impression on Jeremy.

"It was a little of both." Jess nodded thoughtfully. "I was nervous, but I also used to be kind of a tool."

Jeremy huffed out one final laugh. "No, you weren't. Why would you say that?"

"I don't know. I just kind of was. I was way too into my appearance back then, like my hair and my clothes. I would seriously freak out if I missed a workout. And, I was pretty impressed with myself for parlaying one short novel and about seven eighths of a high school education into a job in publishing. I turned down a free college education when it was offered because I was too cocky to think I would ever need it. I thought pretty highly of myself back then." Jess considered the facts. He didn't want to get into things he had done to Charisse that would also qualify him for the label, but he couldn't keep them out of his mind. The way he had wasted her time at the end, not fully committed to fostering and starting a family with her but not brave enough to be honest with her, either. The way he had let her slip away from him as if he had had nothing to lose. As if his life would be so full of opportunities like that, and women like her, that he had had the audacity to do anything other than hold onto her with everything he had. "Yeah, I'd say I was a bit of tool back then, for sure."

Jeremy was smiling broadly. "So, does that mean you don't consider yourself a tool anymore?"

Jess made a face of exaggerated concentration as he considered the question. "I think I might be in recovery now."

"One day at a time, huh?"

"Something like that. I think having you in my life has made me a better person. It's helped me to really clarify my priorities, and just…." Jess couldn't come up with a better description. "Made me better." Jess thought about his minimal wardrobe, his minimal lifestyle in some ways. His goodwill hoodie. The bagged lunches he ate in his car. Still making it to the gym a few mornings a week, but not stressing when he needed to skip a workout to help Luke with the breakfast shift, and never working out in the evenings any more, choosing to spend his precious free time with Jeremy and Winston. Being someone who appreciated his entire family and could graciously accept help when he needed it. "When I think about who I was before you….I don't know, I guess I just like who I am now more than who I used to be."

Jeremy was smiling. "I'm glad I could be a good influence on you."

Jess smiled back. "Me too."

Jeremy went back to writing in his notebook for a moment, before looking up again. "I like myself more now, too. You haven't exactly been a terrible influence on me, either."

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"So, how did things go with the blond dick the other night?" Jess asked casually from behind the counter at the bookstore as he finished ringing up the baby books. Luke had told him that Logan had stayed for another hour after he and Jeremy had left, and that Rory had seemed down the next day. Jess knew it wasn't his business, that the days of him being in the position to offer her advice, no matter how well-intentioned, were long past. But he did care about Rory, in an old friends slash step-cousins kind of way. He knew Luke was worried about the blond dick coming and going and wreaking havoc on Rory's emotions the way her own father used to do to Lorelai. Jess had to admit he was, too. He knew Rory was just as responsible for the affair as Logan was, but she didn't deserve a lifetime of being jerked around for it.

Rory frowned disapprovingly. "Seriously? You're going to call him that in front of Leelee?"

"I just wanted to make sure you knew who I was talking about." Jess's tone was light. "I thought it might confuse you if I called him anything else."

Rory looked down at her daughter in the stroller in front of her and used her talking to a baby voice. "I only see one dick here, Leelee, and it's your Uncle Jess. Isn't that right, sweetie? What do you think?"

"I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to say dick in front of a baby, Rory." Jess feigned admonishment.

"You started it! Plus, it doesn't matter what you say to them as long as you say it in the right tone." She looked down at her daughter and baby-talked to her. "Right, honey? Uncle Jess is being a dick, isn't he? Yes, he is!" Leelee laughed delightedly at the attention and kicked her feet. Rory turned back to Jess. "See?"

"Wow, that's some mighty fine parenting right there. You must be a graduate of the Liz Danes life coaching program."

They made eye contact and broke into loud laughter as Jess handed Rory back her credit card along with the paper bag of her purchases.

Jess's attention was pulled away from Rory as the bell above the door rang and Mallory Howard walked in. The laughter trailed off.

"Hi." Jess felt caught off guard and couldn't think of anything else to say. He felt Rory watching him and probably mentally mocking his reaction to Mallory.

"Hi, Jess." Mallory smiled brightly and stopped a few feet from the counter, as if she didn't want to intrude on his conversation with Rory. Jess thought about how he must look. Laughing comfortably with a beautiful woman, the same woman he had been talking to and laughing with at the bookstore when Mallory had left without saying hello. He didn't want her to get the wrong idea.

"Mallory, do you know Rory?" Jess asked. "She's my step-cousin. Luke's step-daughter." Jess stopped himself just in time before adding, we're related, to really drive home the point that nothing romantic was going on here. He wanted it clear that he was still single and available, but he didn't want to belabor the point.

"Hi, it's nice to meet you, Mallory." Rory smiled and extended a hand to shake.

Mallory smiled back as they shook. "You too. I feel like you look familiar. Were you friends with Lane Kim when we were kids?"

"Yes. Best friends. We're still close."

"And, you went to all the Korean weddings at Mrs. Kim's, right?" Mallory asked.

"Yep, that was me." Rory smiled. "The sole non-Korean in attendance."

"I remember! Ugh, my mom used to drag me to those things! It's good to see you again."

"You too."

"And, who's this cute little girl?" Mallory was looking at Leelee now, bending down in front of her. Leelee was smiling and laughing at the attention from a new person. Jess felt forgotten. This was not going the way he wanted.

"That's my daughter, Leelee." Rory said.

"Aren't you just the sweetest little thing?" Mallory cooed.

Jess was giving Rory the most pointed stink-eye he could muster over Mallory's head. He knew Rory understood the meaning because she smirked at him. "Well, Leelee and I should really get going. It was nice to see you again, Mallory. Maybe we'll run into you again sometime." She shot Jess a mocking look and he wanted to toss her out of the store. "Jess." She nodded seriously in his direction, the goodbye formal to the point of silliness.

"See ya, Rory. Bye, Leelee."

Jess waited until Rory was safely outside to turn his attention to Mallory, who was giving him a smile that looked like trouble. "Cute kid. Yours?"

Jess barked out a laugh. "Hmm…...the idea that you're asking that about the baby of a woman I just introduced as my step-cousin makes me worry about the family dynamics at your house." Jess pulled out what he considered his most playfully charming smile as Mallory laughed. "But, just to be clear. No. Jeremy is my only kid." Jess remembered the sobering moment at the end of the Uber ride and mentally kicked himself for bringing Jeremy up right off the bat like that.

"Ah, Jeremy. The high school senior. The person who will no longer be a student at the school I work at in three short weeks."

Jess nodded. "Yup, that's the one."

"I'm going to be really honest with you here, Jess. Can you handle that?" She smiled mischievously. "Cause some guys can't."

Jess could feel the corners of his mouth pulling upward on their own. "I can handle it." Jess was captivated, and slightly nervous.

"I'm not here to buy a book."

Jess felt something in his heart relax that he hadn't realized had been tight. "Well, if you're here to shoplift one, you should know I'm duty bound to call the police no matter how much I like you."

She smiled. "There's this little thing called the prom coming up. You may have heard of it."

Jess knew he was grinning like an idiot, but he couldn't stop himself. "Sounds familiar. I've never been to one myself, but I did read _Carrie_ three times as a kid."

She huffed out a laugh. "Well, I'm a faculty chaperone this year. And, we are still in desperate need of two more parent chaperones. And, I was wondering…." She faltered, seemed to lose her brazenness for a moment. Jess leaned forward, expectantly.

"If I had any pig's blood you could borrow?" He asked.

Her smile was genuine, radiating warmth, and Jess soaked it up. "The way I see it." She took a breath and Jess was relieved to see her looking a little uneasy. It made him feel like he wasn't in this alone. It mattered to her, too. "I feel like there could be something here." She motioned between them with one hand. "If I'm crazy, tell me I am. But, I felt like we…..connected in the Uber. I don't know about you, but all my Uber rides don't go like that one."

"It would be the greatest job in the world if all my Uber rides went like that one."

She smiled at him, so open and honestly that it made his heart hurt. "Jess Mariano, will you go to the prom with me?"

Jess grinned. "I would love to." Then the reality of their situation hit. "But, I need to run it by Jeremy first and make sure he's ok with his dad crashing his prom. He's going with a friend, not a date. So, I don't think he'll mind, but I still need to check."

She was smiling at him indulgently, and he wasn't sure how to take it.

"Is it a huge turnoff that I need to check with my kid first?" He tried to play it off as a joke, but he was worried. He thought back to his own advice to Jeremy, that he should never tell a girl who asked him out that he needed to check with his dad first.

"Not at all. I get it. I can wait." She smiled mischievously and Jess knew that she was about to tease him. It felt intimate that he could already recognize one of her tells. "But, if you need to check with your mommy and daddy, too, we could have a problem."

Jess laughed. "Oh, wow! It's like that, huh?"

Mallory shook her head slowly, expression serious for the first time since entering the store. "No. It's not. I think it's really cool how respectful you are of Jeremy's feelings."

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"Hey, Jess!" Luke greeted him with a smile as he walked into the diner after work that night. The dinner rush had come and gone and the dining room was pretty empty with only a few tables of customers.

Jess nodded as he approached the empty counter, remaining standing as he greeted his uncle, who was wiping down the counter with a dish towel. He was feeling a little guilty about making plans with Mallory when he suspected Jeremy was not in favor of him dating her, and he was looking for Luke to reassure him that he hadn't done anything wrong and make him feel better about it. "Hey, Luke. Can I talk to you for a minute?" Jess knew that Jeremy had the evening off and was upstairs studying, but he kept his voice low anyway.

Luke froze, his hand stopped in mid air still holding the towel. He looked at Jess, studying him hard. "No." His voice was firm, stern even. He threw the towel down on the counter and turned to walk away.

It wasn't the reaction Jess was expecting. "No?" He repeated incredulously. "What's with you?"

Luke turned back around and covered the few steps back to Jess quickly, looming angrily over him from across the counter. "No. I don't want to hear it! You cannot do this, Jess. You gave me your word. You sat there at Sniffy's and you agreed you would go to college. You know how much this means to me! You know this is the best thing for you! You can't go back on what we agreed to. I won't let you."

Luke's voice had risen as he spoke and Jess could sense the customers' attention on them in the now silent diner. "Jeez, Luke! You just gave me a stress flashback to my senior year of high school!" Luke was still staring hard at Jess, his expression firm. "That's not what I want to talk to you about. I'm not backing out of going to college."

"You're not?" Jess watched Luke's shoulders visibly lower, the expression on his face relax slightly.

"I'm not." Jess said. He felt a little defensive over the accusation but also guilty that it was the first thing that had occurred to Luke. "I am still very much college bound in the fall."

"You are?"

"I am." Jess was feeling magnanimous. He didn't appreciate the expectation that he would change his mind and mess this opportunity up, but he had done just that enough times in the past that he could understand Luke's concern. Jess watched Luke glance around the diner, taking in the witnesses to the scene he had created, looking ashamed of his behavior. Jess heard murmuring begin again behind him, the clink of silverware on plates resuming. "So, did you get your fill of embarrassing me in public, or do you want to maybe slap me around a little, too?"

Luke looked back at Jess with regret and apology written all over his face. "I'm sorry, Jess. I just…..I'm sorry. I'm an idiot."

Jess sat down on the stool in front of him, and shrugged. He was a little hurt, but not enough to make a big deal of it. "It's ok, Luke. I know you were just worried because you care about me, and I know that you like to yell when you're worried."

Luke nodded, looking pained. "Thanks, Jess. I uh, I don't want you to think I expect the worst from you. I honestly don't. I'm so proud of you."

"I know."

"I think this whole college thing is giving me flashbacks, too. I really am sorry."

"It's ok, Luke. I'll live." Jess watched his uncle's expression soften.

"If you still want to talk to me, I'm all ears."

Jess smiled at his uncle. "I got asked to the prom today."

Luke smiled, but it didn't hold the mocking that such an announcement normally would have elicited, and Jess knew his uncle still felt badly. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Jess lowered his voice. "Mallory Howard came by the bookstore today specifically to ask me. She thinks there could be something between us and she wants to give it a shot."

"Ok, but why the prom?" Luke asked.

"She's a faculty chaperone and she's short two parent chaperones, so I guess she's killing two birds with one stone. But, she made it really clear that she's into me. We'll be there as chaperones, but I definitely got the impression it was datish. Like a pre-first-date, hanging out type situation."

"Huh. What did you say? I mean, you like this girl, don't you? Mallory's the girl you were mooning over at the bookstore the night of your thing, right?"

"I wasn't mooning over her, but yes, I do like her. A lot. I said I would love to go, but that I needed to check with Jeremy first to make sure it was all right with him for his dad to be hanging around at his prom."

"What do you think he's going to say?"

Jess thought about that. "I don't think he'll care about me being at the prom. He's going with his friend Cassidy, not with an actual date, so I don't think it will be super awkward for him or anything. I'm more concerned about how he feels about me dating his guidance counselor, or his soon to be former guidance counselor, in general."

"Have you guys talked about this at all?"

"We talked about it the night of the author reading at the bookstore. On our walk home. Apparently he thought I was mooning over Mallory that night, too, because he called me out on it."

"What did he think about it?"

"He seemed fine with it. He was playing around, teasing me about how I was drooling over her, which I totally wasn't. He said he was ok with me dating her, and we left it with me saying that nothing would happen until he'd graduated and that I'd check in with him to make sure he was still ok before I asked her out or anything."

"So, what's the problem? You don't believe him?" Luke asked.

"Remember that night you drove us to the emergency room?"

"Of course."

"And remember the conversation in the truck on the way home. About the pretty doctor?"

"Oh." Jess watched the light dawn on Luke. "Yeah. I forgot about that. But, the kid was high as a kite on painkillers. I'm guessing when he really thought about it when he was sober he must have come to terms with it if he told you he was ok with you dating her."

"I'm just worried that he was telling me the truth when he was out of it that night at the ER. And, that he was telling me what I wanted to hear the night at the bookstore."

"Is that so terrible?" Luke asked.

"Um, yeah. I think it would make me a pretty selfish parent to date someone my kid isn't totally on board with."

Luke considered this. "I don't know. I think Jeremy was telling the truth when he was high. It probably would be weird for him, at least a little, at first, if you dated his guidance counselor. But, maybe when he thought about it later, when all his brain cells were actually functioning, he realized _he_ was being selfish."

"How is that any better than him telling me what I want to hear? Either way, he doesn't really want me to date her."

"It's better because he doesn't want to stand in the way of something he knows you want. I know how he feels about you, Jess. I'm betting now that he's thought it over, he's willing to tolerate the awkwardness of having his soon to be ex-guidance counselor dating his dad if he thinks it will make you happy. I don't see it as him telling you what you want to hear as much as I see him wanting to do the right thing and be the best person he can be for someone he loves."

"You don't think I'm a terrible parent for not putting my kid first?"

"I don't think you're a terrible parent, period. You do put your kid first, Jess. All the time. But, you have to put yourself somewhere in there, too. Jeremy's eighteen. He's starting college in the fall. I think he's old enough to know his own mind. If you ask him and he says he's ok with it, I think you need to trust that he means it. That he's ok with you dating this girl, or that's he's working on being ok with it."

"It doesn't make me like Liz, though, right?" Jess asked quietly, not realizing his brain had made the comparison until the words were out of his mouth.

Luke smiled. "I don't know. Does this girl have an arrest record, a drug habit, or an etch-a-sketch?"

"Not that I'm aware of, but you can't always tell by looking."

Luke huffed out a laugh. "You're a very different kind of parent than you mother was, Jess. But, can I tell you one thing?"

"Sure."

"I wish I had started dating Lorelai sooner. I had this massive crush on her forever-"

"No? Really? I never would have guessed."

Luke laughed. "Don't be a smartass. My point is that I used you and your issues with Lorelai as a convenient excuse to not pursue anything with her when you lived with me. Then, when I met April, I was engaged to Lorelai and I used April as an excuse to push her away. And, April was a friendly kid. She liked everyone. And, now, only this past year since you've been back, has it gotten to the point that I feel like we have one big happy family that all gets along and likes each other. I think about all the time I wasted and how we maybe could have had this so much earlier if I hadn't used you and April as reasons to keep my distance from Lorelai. I don't want to see you to do that with this girl. I don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. I think as long as your sensitive to Jeremy's feelings, you don't need to put your own life on hold for him."

"Huh." Jess nodded, feigning seriousness. "So, you're saying life's too short to wait fifteen years to make a move on a woman I like. Interesting theory."

Luke laughed. "It was not fifteen years, wiseass."

Jess smiled. "All right. Thanks for the advice. I'm going to go up and talk to Jeremy, now."

"Ok. Good luck."

"Thanks." Jess rose from the stool and headed toward the stairs.

"Hey, Jess." He turned back to his uncle. "I really am sorry. About before. Jumping to conclusions like that."

Jess gave his uncle a warm smile. "No hard feelings."

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Jeremy was washing the dinner dishes later than night. Jess was picking up a random plate or glass every so often, wiping it with a dish cloth and putting it away, but he was mostly just hovering. Jeremy got the distinct impression that Jess wanted to talk about something, but wasn't sure how to start the conversation.

"So, I was talking to Luke about my hours at the diner and he said I can work full-time there in the summer. I guess Monica just told him that she's moving next month after she graduates and he'll need a full-time person for the summer anyway. He said he could give me a regular daytime schedule, too, so I was thinking I can try to pick up a second, part-time job in the evenings. That's ok, right?"

Jess nodded. "It's ok with me as long as you still have time to hang out with Winston and take him for walks."

Jeremy looked over to where Winston was curled up, asleep in his bed in the living room. "I'll always have time for Winston." He thought for a moment. "Do I still need to check with you on stuff like that?"

Jess placed a dry glass in the cupboard and turned to face Jeremy. "On your hours at work, or on walking Winston?"

Jeremy shrugged as he scrubbed the pot he had used to cook the rice. "On everything, I guess. I mean, I'm already eighteen and once I've graduated high school, I'll be an adult, or an almost adult, right? Will I still need to ask your permission to do stuff?"

"Huh." Jess said. "I hadn't really thought about that. I don't know if I'm ready to have my kid be an almost adult yet. Maybe you should still ask my permission for everything for a few more years, just to be safe. Until you're, say, twenty-five, twenty-seven at the most?"

Jeremy laughed as he placed the pot in the drying rack, turned off the water and dried his hands on a dish towel. "I'm serious. How's it going to work with me still living here once I'm in college?"

Jess picked up the pot and wiped it dry. "Why? You having second thoughts about staying here with your dear old dad? Worried you won't be able to run wild in the streets doing keg stands and whatever other shenanigans college kids get up to at all hours of the night?"

Jeremy watched Jess's casual delivery of the question, but recognized the scared concern underneath. "No. I just want to know what you're going to expect from me, so I can make sure I do it." Jeremy smiled. "If I was looking to run wild in the streets, I would have gone away to school. I want to be here, with you. I'm just wondering if stuff will change at all, like if I'll still have to ask you before I go out and stuff."

Jess nodded seriously. "Well, you will be an almost adult." Jeremy huffed out a laugh. "So you won't have to ask me if you can go out or anything, but maybe if you go out after class and are going to be home a lot later than usual, you could shoot me a text just to let me know not to worry. Or, if you aren't coming home at all one night, because you're staying at a friends' place or something, you could give me a heads up. Does that sound fair?"

Jeremy nodded. "I guess so."

"I'm thinking I still want to know stuff that concerns your safety, but I don't necessarily need to know exactly what you're up to, or who you're with. Maybe you could just let me know you're alive and give me a ballpark idea of when you'll be home. I just don't want to be worried if you're out late and I haven't heard from you."

"That sounds fair. Do the same rules apply for you? Like if you meet a lady friend and go out late, or stay over at her house. Do you need to tell me, too, so I don't worry?"

"Absolutely. It's a two way street. I don't want you to worry about me either." Jess paused and glanced past Jeremy toward the kitchen window as if he were collecting his thoughts. Jeremy felt leary of what was coming. Jess looked back at him. "I actually want to talk to you about something. Can you come sit down with me, please?"

Jeremy followed Jess to the couch and sat down a few feet from him, their bodies angled to face each other. He waited for Jess to start.

"So, uh, Mallory, or uh, Ms. Howard came by the bookstore today. She asked me if I would help chaperone the prom, and kind of…...go with her, as in kind of a date. I wanted to talk to you about it before I gave her my answer."

Jeremy instantly felt the familiar and irrational sharpness behind his eyes that always let him know he was on the verge of crying if he didn't do something about it. He took a deep breath and worked on holding his emotions in check. He had known this was coming. It had really just been a matter of when. He tried to talk himself down from the panic. This was so stupid. He wanted to think he was better than this now. That he wasn't going to go pieces like a pathetic loser over his dad going on a date.

"Jeremy? You ok?" Jess was studying him carefully and Jeremy blinked to keep the wetness from his eyes and tried to plaster a smile on his face. He couldn't tell from Jess's expression whether he had succeeded.

"Uh, yeah. I'm fine. And, I'm fine with you dating Ms. Howard. I already told you that."

Jess was nodding his head in a sympathetic manner that told Jeremy he wasn't fooling anyone. "I know you did. But, I said I would check in with you to make sure you were still ok before anything actually happened. I wasn't planning on asking her out until the summer when you had already graduated, but she kind of jumped the gun on me by a couple of weeks, here. Are you sure you're still ok with this?"

All Jeremy could think was the panicked thought that everything was going to change. No matter how much he didn't want it to. No matter how much Jess tried to not let it. He knew he didn't want to be this kind of person. Someone who held back someone he loved, the person he loved the most, from something they wanted out of his own fear and selfishness. He wanted to be better than this. Ms. Howard was nice. He could certainly do worse for a future step-mother. He knew that. He hated being the kind of person who looked at the world so negatively, that instead of picturing himself strengthening his relationship with Ms. Howard and maybe ending up with another person in his life or his family who cared about him, he was already picturing her stealing his dad away from him and giving Jess kids of their own, a family that Jeremy wasn't a real part of.

"Jeremy. If you're not ok with this, you can tell me?"

"No, I am. I'm fine."

"You don't look fine." Jess's voice was quiet, gentle. He reached a hand out to Jeremy and used his thumb to brush a lone tear off Jeremy's cheek.

Jeremy felt another tear sliding down his face and brushed it away furiously with the back of his hand. This tear had nothing to do with Ms. Howard and everything to do with how embarrassed and pathetic he felt. He had thought he was past this, breaking down like a little kid who couldn't control his emotions every time he was upset. He felt stupid and childish and ridiculous. He could only imagine how pathetic Jess must think he was right now.

"Jeremy, if it's going to upset you like this, I don't have to go out with her. I can tell her no. It's ok. I get that as your guidance counselor, you've probably talked to her about some personal stuff and this might be weird for you."

Jeremy wiped at his eyes and did his best to stop new tears from falling. This was shitty. It wasn't fair to Jess and it made Jeremy feel like crap. He sniffled and tried to get himself under control. "It's fine, Jess. I really mean that. I know you like her. And, I like her, too. She's really nice. I know I don't look like it right now, but I'm fine. It's fine. I want you to tell her yes."

"What's upsetting you about it, Jeremy? I need you to talk to me, here."

Jeremy shrugged. "I don't know. I guess I'm just afraid that things will change. Which is stupid, I know, because things are going to change anyway. They always do."

"What if maybe they changed for the better?" Jess's voice sounded hopeful.

Jeremy stared at him, not sure what to say. "That would be nice. A year ago I would have said that change, in my experience at least, usually makes things worse…...But, there's been a lot of change this year and most of it was good. So, yeah, maybe this will be good, too." Jeremy tried to smile, but it felt ridiculous and fake, so he gave it up.

"I don't need to start dating now if it's going to cause you extra stress. You're my top priority. You know that, right?"

Jeremy nodded. "I know. But, you're going to need to start dating sometime. I can't say I feel ready for you to date, but you feel ready, and I don't want to keep you from someone you obviously really like. And, Ms. Howard is really nice. And, yeah, she knows some things about me that I probably wouldn't tell my dad's girlfriend right away, but maybe that could be a good thing. Like, she already knows about a bunch of my crap and she still seems to like me all right. I don't want to hold you back from her now, because she might not be hanging around waiting for you when I feel ready. And, then you would have missed out on her. Maybe we both would have."

"Jeremy-"

"Look." Jeremy cut him off. "I'm sorry for crying. I don't know why I do that so much. I hate that I do it so much. But, I can't always control it. Sometimes I just feel…..overwhelmed, I guess. I'm sorry I'm such a mess and that some stuff is so hard for me, but it doesn't mean that I don't want you to date Ms. Howard. Because I do. Really. You can trust me."

Jess had leaned forward a little. He had one hand on Jeremy's shoulder, his thumb rubbing soothing circles on the front of the joint as he studied his son carefully.

"I'm sorry for being such a stupid crybaby." Jeremy said quietly.

"Hey. Stop it. You're not. I get that stuff, especially family stuff, is hard for you after everything you've been through. You have nothing to be embarrassed about, Jeremy. Crying isn't a big deal. We've all been there. We'll all be there again. If I had grown up the way you had, I would have tried to shut myself off to try to protect myself. I spent most of my adolescence trying to do that anyway, and my childhood wasn't anywhere near as rough as yours. But, I look at you, and you've still somehow managed to keep being this open and loving person, despite all the shit you've been through. You were still brave enough to let me in, to let me and everyone else in our family love you, and to love us back. You haven't shut down and you aren't hiding from the way you feel. I'm impressed by that every day. It doesn't bother me that you cry sometimes. I still think you're an amazingly brave and resilient kid…...and now an amazingly brave and resilient almost adult." Jeremy laughed softly. "I love you and I'm so proud of you every single day. And, I can tell you all this stuff as many times as you need to hear it because it's all true and I never get tired of saying it."

Jeremy looked down at the couch cushion between them, not sure what to say.

Jess withdrew his hand from Jeremy's shoulder and rested it in his own lap, looking at Jeremy seriously. "I'm just going to ask you one more time, and I won't question whatever you say either way. Are you sure you're ok with this?"

Jeremy nodding tiredly, looking up and making eye contact with Jess. "I'm ok with it, Dad. Honestly." The boy smirked slightly. "You have my permission to date Ms. Howard."

"You're sure?"

Jeremy laughed. "Didn't you just say that you weren't going to question my answer this time?"

"All right. All right. I'm going to tell her yes then."

"Ok. Good." They both sat quietly for a moment, lost in thought.

"And, you're ok with me being at your prom, too? I mean, it won't be weird for you that I'm there?"

Jeremy shrugged. "No, it's fine. Cassidy and I are just friends. It's not like I'll be trying to make a move on her or anything."

"Ah. Ok. And, you wouldn't want me seeing you getting shot down if you were, huh? I agree, that would be pretty embarrassing for you."

Jeremy laughed. "I wouldn't be so cocky if I were you. I might be the one watching you get shot down."

"No way!" Jess scoffed. "Mallory is the one who asked me out."

"She could still come to her senses." Jeremy smirked.

Jess laughed. "Hey, we should go pick out your tux this week. What night do you have off from work?"

"Wednesday. Is that good for you?"

"Sure. Wednesday's fine."

"Do you need a tux, too?"

"Nope. According to Mallory, the male chaperones can just wear sport jackets. But, I do need to get one of those while we're out. I never replaced that kind of stuff after the fire."

After a beat. "Hey, Jess?"

"Hey, Jeremy."

Jeremy laughed. "Do you think you could maybe refrain from kissing me on the head when you see me at the prom?"

Jess smirked, leaning toward his son and cupping the boy's head, tilting it gently forward to land an exaggeratedly loud smacking kiss on top before pulling the boy toward him and wrapping him up in a hug. "I'll do my best, but I make no promises."


	43. Chapter 43 - The Prom

**Chapter 43 Notes:** Hi, again. I'm home recovering from surgery this week with lots of idle time to work on this story, hence the frequent posting. It's prom time in Stars Hollow...some people have a good prom and others not so much. Thanks to everyone who is still reading and reviewing this story. I really appreciate you guys and I am always interested in hearing what you think. :) Thanks for the catch, AJGranger. I had originally said that the prom was Jess's first first-date in four years, but you are correct that it would be over five years at this point since his first date with Charisse, which was a four year relationship. I have updated to fix this mistake. Thanks for pointing this out! :)

 **Disclaimer:** I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls.

Jeremy was sitting on the back staircase, holding Winston's leash, while the dog lay curled up in the grass to the side of the stairs. Jeremy had already walked Winston, but he didn't want to go inside yet. He didn't feel ready to face Jess, who he knew would be arriving home from work soon, ready to take him shopping for a tux he no longer needed. He knew it wasn't a huge deal. That lots of people don't go to their proms. But, he was feeling disappointed anyway, and rejected that Cassidy had cancelled on him like this, leaving him dateless at the last minute. He knew his emotions were snowballing, gaining momentum as his negative outlook spread to encompass other parts of his life.

He knew it was stupid to get upset about something this trivial, but Jeremy had never been to a school dance, and he had wanted to go. He had never had a date to one, or enough friends to feel comfortable going. He didn't here either. The few classmates he had ever spent time with outside of school, mostly at study groups or other outings planned by Cassidy, were going with dates. He wasn't even sure if you could attend without a date, but he knew he didn't want to. He'd rather just stay home. He was tired of always feeling like the odd person out. He knew he didn't have the kind of friendships he wanted to have, that he had joined the Stars Hollow class too late to really be a part of anything here. He was stuck on the periphery of a high school class in which most students had been together since grammar school, and he was an outsider.

Jeremy had always assumed that if he found a forever family and was allowed to stay at one school long enough, he would end up with friends and a normal, happy life. He was starting to doubt that. Stars Hollow was without question the best place he had ever lived. Everyone here was nice, even friendly. No one picked on him, and he knew he should be grateful for that. But, instead he was stuck on the idea that even in a place like this, even with a supportive family and half a year spent in the same school, he hadn't been able to make any substantial connections with anyone outside of his family. He had thought he had with Cassidy, but if she actually cared about him, or even respected him, she wouldn't have dumped him for Andy at the last minute. He wondered if college would be better, like Rory told him it would be, or if it would be more of the same. He wondered if the decision to do two years at WCC and then transfer to a four year school was going to make things even harder for him. He still felt panicked at the idea of leaving Jess and the first home he had ever known, but he wondered if he was setting himself up for failure, already ensuring that he would be the new guy again when he transferred to a four year school. He was starting to wonder if his relationship with Melissa had been an aberration in what had been, and might continue to be, a lonely life. If his inability to form lasting friendships and relationships in his life was not due to the transiency of his childhood situation, as he had always assumed, but to something intrinsic to who he was as a person, some unshakable flaw in his personality that made him less likable than other people.

Jeremy hated that he still got in these dark moods, where everything felt bleak and hopeless. He knew logically that it was stupid and that made him feel even more pathetic. He had a family now. He knew he should be happy to have that much, that not everyone got everything, and having a family was huge, the biggest thing there was. He had briefly seen a therapist for depression after the bullying incident at the group home, and he thought back to a question she had asked him. What did he think he would need to have happen in order to feel good about himself and be happy? He hadn't needed to think, the answer had been obvious to him his whole life. If he could just have a family of his own, if he could be loved, he would feel good and be happy. Now he had that. He was part of a real family, who had all been loving and welcoming and he still didn't feel good. He still wasn't happy. He was still the kind of person who could take one minor setback, like not having a prom date, and extrapolate the results to all areas of his life, until he felt like he was worthless and destined to be friendless forever. He hated that he still got like this, still thought like this. But, some days he couldn't find a way to pull himself out of it.

Jeremy heard the door at the top of the stairs open. He watched Winston perk up at the sound, getting to his feet and wagging his tail, starting up the stairs to meet Jess. Jeremy heard footsteps descending behind him, but didn't move.

"Hey, there you guys are! I was looking all over for you two."

Jeremy turned to watch Jess sit down on the stair next to him and pet Winston.

"Who's my good puppy? Who's my good little boy?" Winston's tail batted against Jeremy's leg as the dog greeted Jess. Jess looked up from the dog. "Hey, Jeremy. You guys just finishing up your walk?"

Jeremy nodded. "Yeah, we're done."

"You about ready to head out for our prom gear?" Jess was all smiles and it made Jeremy feel like a disappointment that he was about to give Jess something to worry about.

Jeremy looked out in front of him, taking in the patches of grass by the stairs, the alley behind the diner where the dumpster was kept, avoiding eye contact. "Uh, I actually don't need a tux, anymore. Is it ok if I don't go shopping with you?"

Even without looking, Jeremy could hear the concern in Jess's voice, and something about it irked him. "What are you talking about?"

Jeremy had no patience for this conversation right now. He really just wanted to be alone. "I'm not going to the prom, so I don't need a tux. Can I just stay home?" Jeremy hadn't intended his tone to be so curt, to border on rude the way it had.

The pause before Jess spoke made Jeremy think that Jess was considering whether to call him on his attitude. He didn't really have any excuse for it. Jess didn't deserve it just because Jeremy was feeling shitty.

"Are you not going to the prom because of me?" Jess's voice was gentle, quiet. "Because I'm going to be there with Ms. Howard?"

Jeremy's first thought was to snap back that everything wasn't about Jess, but he caught himself in time. "I'm not going to the prom because no one wants to go with me, ok?"

"Did something happen with Cassidy?"

"Yeah. Something happened. She cancelled on me." Jeremy's voice felt tight.

"Did she say why she cancelled?" Jess asked.

"Yep." Jeremy really didn't want to talk about it, felt irrationally angry about the whole situation. Mostly at himself for getting excited about something and allowing himself to feel included only to have someone who he thought was his friend cut him out. "Andy and Charlotte broke up and now she's going with Andy. She's had a crush on him since like third grade."

"But, she already had plans with you? I mean, she was the one who asked you."

Jeremy felt his annoyance bubbling over into real anger. He knew he needed to watch his tone. "I realize that. I'm not sure what you want me to say here."

Jeremy glanced at Jess. The man looked taken aback by Jeremy's tone. "What about Charlotte?"

"What about her?"

"If Andy ditched her at the last minute like this, she might need a date, too. Have you thought about asking her if she wants to go with you."

Jeremy huffed out an exasperated breath. "Charlotte did the ditching. Apparently she dumped Andy for some guy from another school that she met at theater camp over spring break. I think she's all set with a date."

"Oh." Jess said quietly. "Is there anyone else-"

"Every girl I know well enough to feel comfortable asking already has a date."

"Huh. Ok."

"So, I know you still need to pick up a jacket tonight, but I would really prefer not to tag along since I don't need anything." "If that's ok." Jeremy added the last part as a conciliatory gesture to make up for his hostility.

"Jeremy, if you're not going to the prom, I'm not going to go either."

"That's ridiculous." Jeremy spat out. "You have to go. You already told Ms. Howard you would. You not going isn't going to fix anything for me. It's just going to make things worse for you."

"It doesn't seem right for me to be chaperoning a dance that my kid isn't even going to. I'm sure Ms. Howard will understand."

Jess calling the woman he was interested in 'Ms. Howard' struck Jeremy as phony, as if Jess were trying to distance himself from his feelings for her as a means of comforting Jeremy, showing he was on his side. He thought about calling the man on it, asking if he planned to call her Ms. Howard when he was fucking her, too. The rogue thought startled Jeremy and made him realize that he needed to get away from Jess before he said something he regretted, something bad. He could tell his feelings were about more than just the prom. It felt like a build up of everything. Losing Melissa. The fire. Not getting to play baseball. Not having friends. No one wanting him his whole life. Everything seemed so unfair, and this time Jeremy didn't feel like crying about it. He felt like hurting someone else, too. He knew he needed to get himself under control. How he was feeling wasn't Jess's fault. Jess had been the one good, steady thing in his life this year, the best thing in his life since his mom died. The guy didn't deserve Jeremy's shit.

Jeremy took a deep breath. "I want you to go to the prom with Ms. Howard. We always say that it's a two way street with us, right?" Jeremy glanced at Jess and watched him nod his head, then looked back into the alley. "Well, you don't let me sacrifice stuff I want for you, so I'm not letting you sacrifice something you want for me. And you not going won't make me feel any better, anyway. So, just go. Ok?"

Jeremy looked at Jess to find his father studying him hard. "Are you sure?"

Jeremy let out an irritated sigh. "Yes, I'm sure. It's really not a big deal. Can we please stop talking about this now?"

"Yeah, sure." Jess's voice was calm, careful. "We don't have to talk about it. Do you want to do something else tonight, instead?"

"I want to stay home, or maybe go out to a movie, if that's ok. But, you still need to go buy your jacket."

"I do. But, I don't need to buy it tonight. I could stay home with you, or go to the movies with you, if you want company.'

"Thanks, but I really don't. I just want to be alone tonight. Is that ok with you?" Jeremy all but snapped.

Jeremy watched a firmness set into Jess's expression, and Jeremy thought the man was going to say something about his attitude. He didn't mean to sound as rude as he had, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. Jess opened his mouth and then closed it, sighed audibly. The tension left his face, and when he spoke his voice was gentle, pitying, which felt worse to Jeremy than getting reprimanded. "Ok. I'll head over to the mall then and give you some space." Jeremy felt Jess's hand, warm on his shoulder. "I'm sorry you're having such a shitty day, Jeremy."

Jeremy was staring at the alley when Jess got to his feet. Jeremy listed to his father's receding footsteps, heard the door at the top of the stairs shut behind him, and felt like shit.

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Jess looked at himself in the department store's full length mirror, adjusted the jacket slightly on his shoulders. He recognized the detailing around the pocket and realized that he had already tried this jacket on about three jackets ago. He sighed. He couldn't concentrate. He felt like an ass for being here without Jeremy, shopping for his own prom wardrobe while his kid was at home, sad and excluded. Jess turned away from the mirror back toward the racks of jackets and startled as he ran smack into Lorelai.

"Hi, Jess." Lorelai smiled at him.

Jess was caught off guard, so lost in thought that he hadn't heard anyone approaching. "Hey, Lorelai."

"Looking pretty sharp, there, mister."

Jess looked down at the jacket as if he was surprised to find himself still wearing it. Things were so much better between him and Lorelai than they had ever been, but being around her still made him feel a little…..off, sometimes. "Yeah, you think?"

"Yeah." She reached out a hand and touched his left lapel, feeling the material between her thumb and forefingers. "This looks good on you. It fits you really well."

"Thanks." Jess liked it, too. "It's solidly in the maybe pile at this point."

"I heard you were going to the Stars Hollow prom. Is this prom shopping I'm witnessing?" Lorelai was giving him a smile that a year ago Jess would have interpreted as mocking, but he could now see was her natural enthusiasm tinged with nervousness over not wanting to say the wrong thing to him.

"Yep. That it is."

Lorelai turned her head and looked around the section they were in. "Where's my favorite nephew? I want to say hi."

"Oh…..uh, he's home tonight."

Lorelai looked back at him. "Did he already reserve his tux?"

"No. Actually. His, uh." Jess felt a wave of guilt as he explained their situation. "His date cancelled on him today. He's not going to the prom."

"Oh, no!" Lorelai's face fell so genuinely that Jess was touched by her sympathy for his son. Then it hit him that she might be remembering the pain he had caused Rory, being unable to take her to the prom at the last minute when he learned he wasn't graduating, leaving her dateless and hurting as he ran off to California. "Poor kid! How's he taking it?"

Jess started pulling the jacket off. "Not that well. He was pretty bummed about it when I talked to him earlier. And, kind of angry. He was snapping at me, like a….like a moody teenager. Which I guess is supposed to be normal, but he never does that."

"And, there's no one else he can ask? No other girls that might also still need dates?" Lorelai had gone into the same brainstorming mode that Jess had when he had talked to Jeremy. And, Jess could see why it had annoyed Jeremy then. Of course, he had thought to ask his son about other girls. Of course, Jeremy himself had already given thought to whether there was someone else he could ask.

"I asked. He said no. That all the girls he would be comfortable asking already have dates." Jess hung the jacket back up on a hanger.

Lorelai was studying him carefully. "And, you're feeling guilty that you going will make things even worse for him?"

"Yeah." Jess agreed. "I mean, of course. It's totally messed up that his dad's going to his prom and he's not. I'm having trouble reconciling this with something a halfway-decent parent would do."

"But, you really like this girl, right? Mallory? Luke says you really like her."

Jess nodded. "I do, but I'm not sure how much that matters."

"And, you already committed to going with her and helping chaperone and everything, right?"

"Yeah. I did. But, that was when I thought Jeremy was going, too."

"It sounds like you accepted her invitation in good faith. Jeremy _was_ going then, as far as you knew. And, now you've committed to chaperoning, and you don't want to mess things up when you're just starting out with a girl you really like. I don't think you're doing anything wrong here, Jess."

Jess frowned. "It doesn't exactly feel like I'm doing anything right, either."

"It sucks that Jeremy's date cancelled on him, but you can't protect him from stuff like that. Watching other people hurt your kid or make them feel left out is the worst. The absolute worst. But, unfortunately it's not something we can control as parents."

"I know I can't protect him from being hurt, but I don't want to add to it."

"You know, Rory didn't go to the prom and she turned out all right."

"Oh, god." Jess cringed. "That's making me feel even worse. I ruined her prom, too."

"Sorry." Lorelai looked sheepish. "I didn't mean it that way. How about this? I didn't go to my prom either, through no fault of yours, and I like to think I also turned out ok."

Jess gave her a small smile. "Yeah, but I bet Emily didn't go while you stayed home."

"Ok, I'll give you that much." Lorelai tilted her head to one side, her expression becoming serious. "Being a single parent is hard. I mean, _so_ hard. Unless you decide to take up neurosurgery as a hobby or train to be a navy seal, the odds are really good that you'll never do anything harder. It's almost impossible to balance taking care of your own needs with being the main source of emotional support for your kid. It's a job that almost sets us up to fail. Did Rory ever tell you about Max Medina?"

The name didn't sound familiar. "No, I don't think so. Who's that?"

"He was one of Rory's teachers at Chilton. I dated him her sophomore year. We got caught…...kissing at school once, some kids saw us, there was gossip, Rory got teased. I kept seeing him. He proposed. I accepted. Rory got attached, got excited to have a step-dad. I left him about a week before the wedding. Rory still had to face him at school."

"Shit….." Jess was processing how awkward that must have been for Rory, and what a shitty thing it had been for Lorelai to put her kid through.

"Yeah, it wasn't my best parenting decision. And, the worst part is that I was never really that into him. I mean, I liked him. He was a really good guy. He was someone that I knew I _should_ want to be with, and _should_ want to marry. But, I didn't. At the end of the day, I caused Rory a whole lot of hurt over someone that I never really believed deep down was the right guy for me."

This was much more than Lorelai had ever shared with him before and Jess wasn't sure what to say. "That sounds really tough on both of you."

"It was. It's something I regret. It shouldn't have happened. But, then I think about how scared I was to start things with Luke when Rory was a kid, even though I knew how I felt, and I was pretty sure I knew how he felt. And, I think about all the time I wasted and how things could have been different if we had gotten together earlier. I held on to the excuse that I needed everything to be all about Rory for me to be a good mother, but really, Luke _is_ all about Rory. He loves her so much. He is so good to her, so good to Leelee. And, sometimes I think about how her life could have been different, and possibly better, if she'd had him as a step-dad from a younger age." Lorelai laughed lightly. "Maybe she'd be a girl who actually knew how to throw a ball, or even knew how to watch sports. Neither of us ever really mastered that aspect of television watching." Lorelai's expression grew serious. "Maybe she would have become a woman who is less attracted to men who really aren't good for her."

Jess wasn't sure what message she was trying to impart. He wasn't sure if he was the one getting lost in the details or if she was. "So….does that mean that you think I should go to the prom with Mallory or that I shouldn't? Cause, I got to say, I'm a little confused here."

"It means there's a good chance you'll mess stuff up, but when you do, you should make sure you're messing stuff up over the right person."

"Huh. You might want to work on your pep talks. That's not a very inspiring message."

Lorelai laughed. "Hey, like I said. Being a single parent is hard."

Jess nodded, his expression thoughtful. "You know, I have to say that I found it a lot harder in Philly when I was really on my own with Jeremy. I have so much help here that sometimes I feel like I'm cheating at the whole single parenting thing."

Lorelai smiled brightly. "I'm glad you guys moved back."

"Me too."

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Jess was getting ready for the prom. He was wearing a proper dress shirt and a tie for the first time in a long time and he had to admit it felt good to get dressed up. He looked at his reflection in the bathroom mirror as he finished working on his hair. He liked what he saw. He had ended up buying a whole new outfit at the mall, and now he was glad he had, even though it had cost him a decent chunk of money. He felt confident, handsome even, like a guy who belonged on a date with a beautiful and educated woman. He still felt a little weird about going without Jeremy, but his excitement now outweighed his guilt. When he had come home from his shopping trip, Jeremy had had dinner waiting, having not gone to the movies at all. The boy hadn't actually apologized for his earlier attitude, and dinner had been a little strained at first, but they had both been trying, Jeremy showing interest in what Jess had bought, Jess talking honestly about how nervous he was for his first date with a new person in over five years. Things had felt back to normal since, and Jess had shaken off Jeremy's mood during their initial conversation as a one time thing attributable to the boy's disappointment. Jess could hear Jeremy and Luke talking in the living room through the open bathroom door. Luke had brought over veggie pizza and buffalo cauliflower and they were going to watch the Red Sox game.

Jess took one last look in the mirror, smiling at himself before walking out of the bathroom. He was hit with a wave of nerves. "You sure you're really ok with my going? I can still cancel."

Jeremy scoffed. "You're kidding, right? You'd be a complete dick to cancel now. Ms. Howard would probably never go out with you again. You're just nervous. You'll be ok."

Jess picked up his jacket and pulled it on. "Don't say 'dick.' I don't want Luke to think my kid's a delinquent."

Luke laughed from his spot in the armchair, an open beer on the coffee table in front of him with the food. "Go, Jess. We're good here. Say hi to Principal Merton for me."

Jess froze, his jacket only half on. "Oh, god! Will that guy be there?"

"Uh, probably." Jeremy said, an amused smile on his face. "He _is_ the principal."

"That guy hated me. He was such an asshole to me when I went to that school."

"Hey, don't say asshole!" Jeremy admonished. "I don't want Uncle Luke to think my dad's a delinquent."

Jess listened to his son and uncle laugh at the boy's joke. He patted down his pockets to make sure he had everything. Keys. Money clip with cash, ID and cards. "Is it ridiculous that I'm really nervous right now?"

"A little bit." Luke said, which was followed by more laughter.

"Don't be nervous, dad. You look good. You'll be the best looking old guy, there."

"Huh. Winston is my favorite family member right now, just in case either of you were wondering."

Luke chuckled. "And, hey, let's keep to a midnight curfew, Jess. And, I better not smell alcohol on your breath when you get home, young man. I don't care what the other kids are doing."

Jeremy cracked up at Luke's humor, and Jess was hit with the now familiar feeling of being grateful to have been able to give Luke and Jeremy each other, accompanied by a tinge of jealousy at how well they got along.

"Bye. Wish me luck." Jess kissed Jeremy's head and patted Luke on the shoulder. He stooped to pat Winston on his way to the door. "Winston, you're in charge, buddy. Keep these two in line, ok?" He turned as he opened the door. "You gentlemen enjoy your evening."

"Enjoy yours, too." Jeremy said. "But don't enjoy it too much, the prom is a G-rated event full of impressionable kids!" Jess heard more laughter as he shut the apartment door behind him. He stopped for a moment to take in a deep breath to steady his nerves before hurrying down the stairs.

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Mallory was waiting in front of her apartment building, and Jess's mind flashed back to picking her up when he had been driving for Uber. He watched her walk toward the passenger door, planning to make a joke that he wasn't on the clock and would have come to her door like a gentleman. When Mallory got into the car, Jess felt the butterflies stop fluttering in his stomach. This felt good. It felt right. She looked beautiful, understated, not going for sexy since it was a high school prom after all, but wearing her modest purple dress very well in Jess's opinion, and looking incredibly good. Jess could feel the grin spreading across his face. "Hi. You look amazing." It felt like a generic date greeting, but Jess could no longer remember the Uber driver joke he had wanted to make.

Mallory smiled, looking happy, but a little less confident than the last time Jess had seen her. "You do, too." She huffed out a quiet breath. "I'm a little nervous. Is it ok if I get one thing out of the way now?" She leaned toward him slowly, as if to telegraph her intentions, giving him ample time to pull away if he had wanted to. She raised one hand to rest light as a feather on his cheek as she kissed him. Just like that. He kissed her back, holding himself back slightly, wanting this to be a sweet, getting to know you kiss and nothing more, not wanting to get too worked up when they had places to be. She pulled back after a moment, a soft smile on her face that made Jess want to pull her back toward him, kiss her again. But, he just watched her, instead. "Not bad." She grinned. "Just checking. If you were a lousy kisser, I wouldn't want to get too attached."

Jess laughed. "Is that how you kick off every first date?"

"Nope. Only the ones where I know I won't be able to focus on anything else until I do it." Her smile turned shy and endearing. "Ok, I've actually never been that forward before on a first date. But, I feel more relaxed now, so I stand behind it as a good idea."

Jess smiled at her. "I couldn't agree more."

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The prom itself was uneventful. It was held at a very nice hotel in Woodbury, with nowhere in Stars Hollow being both big enough to accommodate the senior class and fancy enough to feel appropriate for the occasion. Chaperoning didn't require much more than standing around watching kids dance, periodically checking the bathrooms for improper behavior. On one such visit, Jess found a group of four boys passing around a vaping pen. They had the decency to quickly hide the device once they spotted an adult, but they were giggling so hard and looked so glassy eyed that Jess would have known they were high even if he hadn't seen the pen. Because Jess considered himself a cool dad, a cool adult in general, and therefore a cool chaperone, he rationalized away the pot use as kids being kids, said nothing to the boys, used the restroom, washed his hands, and walked out, hearing more giggling and incredulous voices celebrating their close call as he left. It wasn't until he was crossing the ballroom toward Mallory that he pictured one of those boys leaving the hotel behind the wheel of a car, destroying another poor family the way a drunk driver had destroyed Andrew and Celeste's. He ratted them out to Mallory, who immediately located a male teacher to send into the bathroom after them. The boys were marched out into the lobby with Principal Merton, parents were called, their night was over. Jess realized he wasn't the cool dad he thought he was as he watched them leave, feeling no sympathy, and knowing he would have wanted someone to do the same thing if Jeremy had been using drugs.

He inadvertently made eye contact with Cassidy at one point, when she was leaving the dance floor, hand in hand with Andy. She had instantly blushed and looked away, and it gave him a small feeling of satisfaction to know that at least she felt ashamed of herself for how she had treated Jeremy.

Jess and Mallory ran into Principal Merton at one point by the refreshments table. It appeared to Jess that the man was taking his chaperoning cue from old eighties high school movies and guarding the punchbowl from any attempts at spiking. Mallory had greeted the principal and started to introduce Jess, her date, as she called him, when Merton extended a hand toward him. "I remember this young man, Ms. Howard. It's nice to see you again, Mr. Mariano. Thank you for chaperoning." His spoke in the same clipped and terse tone that Jess remembered, but the content was unexpected. Jess had pictured an entirely different reaction from the man.

"Sure. It's my pleasure." He gestured toward Mallory with one hand. "You have a very persuasive chaperone recruiter here."

"I apologize for that incident in the boys bathroom, Mr. Mariano. I heard you were the one who caught the young men using substances on the premises."

"Oh, no worries. I'm glad I could help."

"I remember the days when the worst discipline problems I saw at this school were uncooperative students with bad attitudes, talking back to teachers, skipping classes. Now, I've got students getting high at school events, sometimes even at school itself." The man came as close to smiling as Jess had ever seen him. "I never thought I would look back on having you in my school as the good old days, but I guess times change."

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The DJ announced the final song of the night, a slow one. Jess watched the teenage couples move onto the floor, spotting four girls gathering in a sort of group dance, their arms around each others shoulders, giggling as they started swaying to the music in opposite directions and two of them bumped heads. He figured they must be the dates of the boys who had been ejected from the dance and it made him happy to see that they had been able to salvage their nights. He saw Merton with his arms around an older black woman who Jess assumed was his wife, moving together discreetly on the fringe of the dance floor, looking at each other with the kind of lived in love that Jess hoped he would one day have with someone. He saw another adult couple with the same idea. He felt Mallory's hand slide into his and he looked over at her. She told him they couldn't leave without at least one dance. Jess smiled and let himself be led to the outer edge of the dance floor. Mallory placed her hands on his shoulders and he rested his gently on her waist, swaying slightly to the music, taking in her beauty up close and leaving what he considered appropriate space between them. As the song wound down, Mallory moved her hands around his neck, bringing her body close against his chest. Jess followed suit, wrapping his hands around her lower back, relishing the feel of her in his arms as they ended the dance in their first embrace. The music stopped and they pulled back from each other, Jess took in the happy, goofy grin on her face, knowing he must be wearing a matching one of his own.

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Jess had been waiting for the drive home all night, from the moment Mallory had kissed him in the car. He parked in front of her apartment building and walked her to her door. "Thanks for coming with me." Mallory said. "You made it a lot more fun."

"Thanks for inviting me. I had a really good time."

"So…...what happens now?" She asked.

"Well, it is a first date and I do have a midnight curfew…" Jess smiled.

She smiled. "Do you want to come in for a little bit? No pressure. I don't want you to turn into a pumpkin or anything if you really have to get home."

"I do want to come in. You have no idea how much I want to come in."

"I sense a 'but' coming." Jess watched a little of the glow fade from her smile and began to doubt himself.

"I don't think I should this time." Jess didn't want to fuck and run, but he also didn't want Jeremy to see him strolling in the next morning after a first date. "I really like you, Mallory, and I really want to see you again."

"I want to see you again, too."

"Can I take you out to dinner one night this week? I have Jeremy's graduation on Sunday, but I'm free any evening after that." Jess wanted to pin something down now, to show her how important this was to him and not leave her with the promise of a future call to set up a plan. She had asked him out. She had been the one to kiss him and ask him to dance. He wanted to meet her where she was coming from and show her that he was equally invested in this, in her.

"How about Thursday night?" She asked. "The last week of school is always crazy, but it will be over by then."

"Thursday sounds good. It's a date. I'll pick you up at seven?"

"Seven works. I'll be looking forward to it."

They kissed goodnight and Jess felt it. The familiar headrush, the light floaty feeling in his stomach. He knew he was already gone for this woman and it felt amazingly good.

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Jess took a minute to get himself under control before entering the apartment. He didn't want to look too happy, like he had too good a time. He didn't want Jeremy to feel like anything was being rubbed in his face.

Jess opened the door and let himself in, being careful to be quiet in case Jeremy was already asleep. The first thing Jess saw was Luke, fast asleep in his armchair, feet propped up on the footrest. Winston, who was curled up asleep in his dog bed, raised his head half-heartedly toward Jess, thumped his tail twice against his little cushioned mattress, then lowered his head and shut his eyes. Jeremy was sitting at the table, a hardcover book open in front of him.

"Hey, Jeremy." Jess greeted his son warmly, keeping his voice low, testing out the boy's reaction to him.

"Hey, Dad." Jeremy smiled as he whispered. Jess walked toward him, dropping a light kiss on his head. "You're home early." Jeremy feigned sympathy, patted Jess on the arm. "I'm guessing you didn't get an invite to Amanda's after-party. I'm sorry. Kids can be so cruel."

Jess smiled, glad to see Jeremy was in a playful mood. "Yeah, it looks like I didn't make the cut. Guess I'm just not cool enough. Or, maybe I'm _too_ cool and Amanda couldn't handle it."

Jeremy laughed softly. "Since, I'm the only one who waited up for you, I should probably pass Winston as your favorite family member, huh?"

Jess smiled. "That sounds fair." He took a seat next to Jeremy.

"So, how was it? Did you and Ms. Howard have fun?"

"I don't want to speak for her, but I definitely had fun with Ms. Howard. And, she agreed to let me see her again, so I'm guessing she had a decent enough time, too. I'm going to take her out for dinner on Thursday." Jess studied his son, trying to read his reaction for signs of anything that the boy might be thinking, but he couldn't pick up on anything. The boy nodded, his expression neutral.

"That's good. I'm happy for you."

"Yeah?"

Jeremy nodded again, smiling now, but huffing out an annoyed breath for show. "Yeah. I am. Really. So, you can stop asking me, because it's getting pretty annoying."

Jess huffed out a soft laugh. "Ok. Message received."

"Did you see Cassidy there?"

"I did. I threw a cup of red punch on her yellow dress for you, too."

Jeremy giggled. "No, you didn't! You're so full of crap."

"Well, I thought about it. I should at least get credit for that."

Jeremy smiled at Jess, and Jess believed it to be genuine. He felt good about this. Everything was coming together for him.

Jess smiled warmly at his son, feeling so grateful to have someone in his life to love this much. "I love you, Jeremy. So much that it's freaking ridiculous."

The boy grinned. "I love you, too. I guess I'm going to head to bed now that you're home safe."

"Ok." Jess stood when Jeremy did, pulling the boy into a brief hug before releasing him. "Hey, does Lorelai know that Luke is sleeping here?"

"Yeah. I texted her a while ago. She said she figured that would happen."


	44. Chapter 44 - Graduation

**Chapter 44 Notes:** Graduation stresses and festivities in Stars Hollow. This is the last chapter in this story, but I am already working on a sequel that will be a few chapters long and set during Jeremy's freshman year of college in which he is having issues adjusting to Jess's relationship with Mallory. Thanks for all the reviews on the last chapter and for everyone who has stuck with this story for all this time, especially those you have been kind and thoughtful enough to leave me reviews after each chapter. I really appreciate you guys giving me a place to tell this story and sharing your thoughts with me.

Also, thanks to AJGranger for catching my mistake in the last chapter regarding how long it had been since Jess had gone on a first date. It should have been over 5 years, instead of over 4 years. Thanks for pointing this out. I have updated accordingly.

 **Disclaimer** : I own nothing except my own obsession with Gilmore Girls

"Hey, Jess?" Jeremy spoke tentatively, feeling bad about interrupting him. Jess was sprawled across the couch, feet up on the coffee table, face obscured by the cover of the book he was holding. It wasn't like the guy had a lot of time to just sit around and read these days. But, something had been weighing on Jeremy's mind ever since he had been issued his graduation tickets.

"Hey, Jeremy." The book was lowered and Jess was looking at him with a smile on his face, the one that always assured Jeremy he was never an unwanted interruption, never a burden. "What's up?"

Jeremy smiled back. "Can I talk to you for a minute?"

"Of course. Anytime." Jess placed the scrap of paper that he used as a placeholder between the pages of his book and sat up, setting the book down on the coffee table. He leaned forward attentively, his hands resting on his thighs, giving Jeremy his full attention. Jeremy thought back to a few days earlier when he had been kind of a jerk to Jess, the day Cassidy had dumped him as her prom date. Things hadn't exactly been tense between them, but they had been less…...comfortable than usual that night, before things had blown over. Jeremy felt stupid about the whole thing. He hadn't got to go the prom, but big deal. He had this. Someone who loved him and always dropped what he was doing to listen to him. And, what he needed to talk to Jess about now wasn't something that Jeremy ever thought he would need to worry about. A luxury problem, really. He needed to do better about keeping things in perspective.

Jeremy perched on the edge of the armchair. "I just wanted to talk to you about my graduation."

Jess nodded. "Yeah, I'm thinking we need to run out before Sunday and get you a tie. I was thinking you could wear it with your blue dress shirt and grey pants. What do you think?"

"Yeah, that sounds good. But, I wanted to talk to you about the tickets for graduation. They gave them out last week and we each got four. And, I mean, obviously I want you and Luke to come, but are the other two tickets for Liz and TJ or for Lorelai and Rory? I really don't want to offend anybody, but I'm not sure what to do."

"Oh. That's a tough one." Jess's brow furrowed. "I hadn't thought about that."

"So, what should we do?"

"Well, what do you want to do? It's up to you."

"I'm thinking that I'm closer to Lorelai and Rory than I am to Liz and TJ, but they're my grandparents and they've been really nice to be. I'm thinking I should invite Liz because I think she's the most likely to have her feelings hurt and feel left out if I don't. Don't you think?"

Jess thought for a moment. "I agree that Liz might be the most hurt by not being invited….but, I'm not sure that means you need to invite her if you'd rather have Lorelai and Rory there instead."

"But, she really wanted to be my grandmother. Like, right away, from the beginning. And, I haven't really…..connected with her, but I know she really wants us to and that she always means well. But, I'm worried about not including Lorelai, too. I don't want her to think I don't think of her as my family, too, because I do. And, I feel like it might be weird to invite Luke without her since they're married and everything, like that might actually offend him, too, which I really don't want to do." Jeremy sighed. "I'm worried about making the wrong decision and upsetting someone, and it's on Sunday, so I need to make a decision or no one will be able to come because they won't have enough notice."

"Jeremy." Jess was looking him in the eye. "Don't let this get you stressed. Whoever you don't invite will understand. Everyone knows they never give out enough tickets for these things. No one will take it personally. Ok?" Jeremy nodded hesitantly. "We will figure this out. Why didn't you bring this up earlier?"

Jeremy shrugged, averting his eyes, feeling stupid for procrastinating. "I don't know. I got the tickets last Wednesday…..and then all the stuff with the prom was happening, and I was kind of a jerk to you….I didn't know if we were good, or if we were really talking. Then, I kind of forgot about it, I guess."

"Hey." Jeremy felt Jess's hand on his knee, getting his attention. "Look at me, Jeremy."

Jeremy looked back up at Jess. "We are _always_ good, kid. I need you to know that. Last Wednesday was a rough day, but no matter what happens or what's going on, we are _always_ good, I am _always_ talking to you and I will _always_ listen to you if you need to talk about something. Ok?" Jess smiled. "Do you get the picture? Did I emphasize the always part enough?"

Jeremy nodded his head slowly, the corners of his mouth turning up slightly. "Yeah, I get it."

"Good. I need to think about this situation with the tickets. Can we make a decision tomorrow night?"

"Uh, sure, I guess." Jeremy wasn't sure what would change in a day, but he trusted Jess, so he agreed anyway.

"Ok." Jess gave Jeremy's knee a pat and stood up. "I need to go run an errand. I'll be right back."

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The sound of the doorbell was barely discernible over what sounded like one howling dog and about thirty-seven screaming kids. Jess was a little scared about what he was in for when the door started to open. A pretty woman appeared before Jess, wearing sweats and a tee shirt, her blond hair pulled back in a ponytail, and a crying toddler balanced on one hip. "Hi!" She greeted Jess cheerfully, as if she were so accustomed to the cacophony that it no longer phased her.

"Hi, I'm Jess. Jess Mariano. I'm sorry to bother you like this, but I'm looking for Dean, and I didn't have his number, but I remembered where he lived from high school." Not that Jess had ever visited Dean at home in high school, but he had been walking by once and seen Dean and his father and little sister playing basketball in the driveway. He could still remember the jealousy he had felt at the quaint and wholesome family picture they had made. And, he had learned from Rory that Dean and his wife were currently staying with his mother.

The woman stuck out her right hand. "Hi, I'm Jenny. I'm Dean's wife. This is Cleo, our daughter. C'mon in. I'll get Dean."

Jess heard a loud crash, followed by an increase in the level of screaming. Dean's mother must be a saint. Jenny sighed. "Here, hold her for a sec, will you?" The question appeared rhetorical to Jess, as the crying toddler was thrust into his arms without a pause for his response. Jess took a few steps into the foyer, just to make it clear to any observer that he wasn't planning to run out the door with the baby.

"Dean!" Jenny yelled from the living room where she was now comforting a little boy who was crying over having banged his head on the table. Jess saw four other small children, all looking to be under five or six years old in the living room and engaged in different but seemingly equal levels of noise making. One kid banged away on the piano. One was staring at a TV that was set much two loud for the room and two were making noises as they crashed fire trucks into each other on the floor, the high pitched wail of the toy sirens setting off the dog. Jess must have looked as scared as he felt, because Jenny smiled at him then. "Oh, these aren't all ours. Cleo is ours, and so are Grady, Bennett and Ross." Jess had no idea which boys she was pointing to. "Connor and Kelsey belong to Kyle. We're hosting a sleepover."

"Well, it looks like Kyle owes you big time." Jess made the joke before thinking through the implications and he was instantly worried that he had offended her, but she just laughed.

"Yes. Yes, he does!" She grinned.

Just then Dean approached from Jess's right, carrying a tray of apple slices, cheese cubes and crackers. "Hey, Jess." Dean looked caught off guard as he took in the sight of Jess holding his sniffling child, puzzled, but not unwelcoming.

"Snacks!" Jess heard a boy's voice yell from the living room.

"Give me one sec to go put this down before they swarm us." Dean walked past him and into the living room. "Does anyone need to refuel?" Jess watched Dean smile as the children did indeed swarm him. A moment later, he was back in the foyer with Jess. "I can take her." Dean was reaching out his hands toward the small girl in Jess's arms.

"Oh, yeah, sorry. Here you go." Jess wasn't sure what he was apologizing for as he transferred the toddler to Dean. She immediately stopped crying and snuggled into Dean's chest as he pet her head with one hand.

"Are you ok, Jess?" Dean asked, small smile on his face. "You look a little shell-shocked."

"Oh, uh-"

"I know we're a lot to take." Dean laughed self-deprecatingly.

"Look, Dean. I'm really sorry to bother you like this, at home and everything." The volume started to rise in the living room again.

Dean set Cleo on down on her feet. "Cleo, go get a snack before your brothers eat it all. Daddy needs to talk to Jess for a minute." He turned back to Jess. "Let's talk in the kitchen."

Jess followed Dean down the hall away from the madness in the living room.

Dean leaned back against the counter. "Sorry about all that. My kids get super excited when Kyle's kids come over. It can turn into a real circus. So, what can I do for you, Jess? Is everything ok with Jeremy? If this is something foster care related, I can get Jenny in here."

"Oh, uh, no. I mean, everything's ok. I just uh…." Jess took a deep breath. "I just have a favor to ask you. And, I know you don't owe me anything, and maybe it's completely ridiculous that I'm asking. But, I'm willing to pay you-"

"Jess." Dean cut in, not impatiently, more like he was trying to refocus someone who was rambling, which Jess realized was exactly what he had been doing. "What is it? What's the favor?"

Jess decided to just rip off the bandaid. "I wanted to see if you would be able to get me two extra graduation tickets. I can buy them off you. Jeremy is really torn up about who to invite. He wants me and Luke there, but he doesn't want to offend his grandparents, or Lorelai and Rory. His family is still new to him, and he doesn't want any of them to think he doesn't see them as his family. And, I was wondering if there was any way that you could hook me up with two extra tickets. Again, I would pay you for them. And, he doesn't know I'm here, or that I'm asking you. So, if you say no, Jeremy won't know or anything. So, no pressure, but you would really be helping me out here." Jess took a deep breath, feeling stupid and vulnerable.

Dean smiled warmly at him. "Ok."

"Ok?" Jess enunciated the letters slowly, looking for clarification.

Dean laughed. "Yeah, ok. As in, ok I'll help you."

"Seriously?"

Dean laughed again. "Yes. I'm actually a pretty nice person, Jess." Dean smirked. "Ask anyone. I should be able to get you two extra tickets. I know a couple of teachers who have been able to get extra tickets for students with complicated family situations. I don't think it will be a problem."

Jess was floored by how easy this was going, how open and willing to help Dean was. He thought back to all the hostility he had brought to Stars Hollow with him in high school. Could it really have been this easy to have gotten along with Dean back then if Jess hadn't been in such an angry place himself?

"That's amazing, Dean. Thank you so much. I really appreciate this. You have no idea."

Dean nodded. "You're welcome. I'm happy to help."

Jess remembered his offer to buy the tickets off Dean. "So, what's the going rate for Stars Hollow graduation tickets on the secondary market these days?"

Dean laughed. "I'm not charging you, Jess. I'm helping a student. But, hey, there is one thing you could do for me."

"Name it. I'm willing to do almost anything, as long as it's somewhat legal."

"Can you let Luke know that I helped you out with this?" Dean's expression shifted to reveal some discomfort.

"Luke?" Jess was confused.

"Yeah, uh. That guy hates me. I'm sure I don't have to explain why to you." Dean looked uncomfortable. "I'd probably hate me, too, if I were him. But, now we're back in town, probably for good, and I hate feeling like he's wishing I'd curl up and die every time we run into each other. Could you maybe tell him that I helped you out like this? I think it might help him to at least tolerate me eating in the diner again."

Jess laughed, relieved that Dean's request was so simple. "I can absolutely do that. He will definitely appreciate this as much as I do. Thank you."

Jess extended his hand to Dean and they shook.

"So, uh." Dean smirked as he walked Jess back to the door. "You didn't want to ask your crush for help with this?"

"My crush?" Jess hoped he didn't look as embarrassed as he felt. "It sounds like you spend too much time hanging out with high school kids."

Dean laughed. "I heard you guys slow danced at the prom."

"Really? Is that the gossip at the lockers these days? You might want to look into getting some grown-up friends. Just a thought."

"Aw, Jess, if you wanted to be friends, all you had to do was ask." Dean said with a grin.

"Dear god." Jess couldn't tell if his own grin was due to the infectiousness of Dean's, or the mention of Mallory. His crush. The term gave him mental giggles.

"And, I saw how disappointed you looked when I was at the parent teacher conference, and you realized it wasn't going to be just you and Mallory. You looked like one of my kids when I tell them they can't have a cookie."

"That had more to do with you and me than me and her." Jess was struck again by how easy Dean was to talk to you. He wondered how much was due to change on Dean's part versus his own.

Dean laughed. "Whatever you say. Mallory's really great. And, she really cares about her students. She would have helped you, too, you know."

"I know. And, I did think about asking her, but I just…...felt like it was too soon, way too soon, to ask her for a special favor, like this. Plus, I figured you still owe me for Kyle's party, and I generously wanted to give you the opportunity to make that right." Dean snorted out a laugh, and Jess smiled. "Thanks again for your help. Seriously." Jess walked out the door, feeling like a hero for being able to solve a problem like this for his son.

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The next day, Luke stopped Jess as he was cutting through the diner on his way home after work. "Hey, Jess, do you have a minute?"

"Sure, what's up?" Jess asked, approaching the counter.

"Two things. First, here's these." Luke popped open the register and pulled out a long white envelope. "I didn't want to lose them." He explained as he handed the envelope to Jess. "Dean brought them by a couple of hours ago. Said he talked to you about it last night. He didn't want Jeremy to not be able to bring his whole family. That was really nice of him, wasn't it?"

"Thanks." Jess peeked into the envelope to see both tickets accounted for. "Yeah, he actually turned out to be a pretty decent guy."

"I guess so. Huh." Luke looked thoughtful and Jess wondered whether Dean's strategy had worked.

"What was number two?"

"What?" Luke was pulled from his thoughts.

"You said, two things." Jess held up the envelope. "This was one, so…?"

"Oh, uh. I wanted to talk to you about my graduation present for Jeremy. I kind of wanted it to be a surprise for both of you, but Lorelai thinks I should run it by you and get your permission first. And, she's usually right about this kind of stuff."

Jess felt his heart sinking. Luke was definitely going to show him up at Jeremy's graduation. How had he not even thought of a graduation present for his own kid yet, when graduation was only a few days away. He knew he had been distracted with Mallory lately. They had had a few phone calls and shared some texts and had their second date on Thursday night, as wonderful as the first had been, at a restaurant in Hartford. Jess had also spent a decent chunk of time researching restaurants for their date, crafting his text messages to achieve the right flirty tone and the proper ratio of wit to intelligence, and managing his own nerves about the blossoming relationship. He felt a flicker of panic that he wasn't going to be capable of juggling Jeremy and Mallory. That maybe he would become a shitty parent if he had to split his time between his kid and a girlfriend. Maybe this was what Lorelai had been talking about at the mall. That he was probably going to mess shit up.

"Jess, you ok?" Luke was giving him a concerned look now.

"Yep. I'm ok. Just a shitty parent."

"No, you're not. What are you talking about?"

"Really? I'm not? Then why didn't I think about a graduation present for my own kid until this very second?"

Luke frowned. "You're not a shitty parent. You've had a lot on your plate lately."

"Yeah, but Jeremy." "Jeremy is the most important thing on my plate. I should have thought about something special for him. I can't believe I dropped the ball on this." Jess felt the frenetic pulsing of stress in the back of his brain, a feeling he thought he had gotten rid of when they had left Philly.

"So, uh. Is now not a good time to run my present by you?" Luke looked apologetic and Jess didn't want to do that, make Luke feel ashamed of his thoughtfulness.

"No. Sorry. It's fine. What did you get him?"

Luke looked a little embarrassed now. "Maybe I should show you. It might sound like a bigger deal than it is if you don't see it. It isn't that much to look at, really. It's over at Gypsy's if you have time to take a walk. I asked her to hold it so Jeremy wouldn't see it at our house."

Jess sighed. "Luke, please tell me that Gypsy is holding a moderately priced watch for you."

"Uh, sorry. It's a little bigger than a watch."

"I am going to absolutely lose it if you tell me you bought my kid a car." Jess knew he was being irrational, but he couldn't help it. He was never going to be able to top a car.

"Then maybe I shouldn't tell you, and just surprise you after his graduation. I figured everyone could come over to the house after to eat. It'll be waiting there for him."

"Luke-"

"It's not a big deal, Jess. It's old. It's used. It's just something to get him back and forth to WCC. He needs a car for school. I mean, you don't want him taking the bus home late at night, do you?"

Jess didn't. Of course he didn't. But, he also didn't want to be such a failure as a father that he couldn't pay for his own child's car. He hated that this was another thing, like the laptop, the bike, the roof over their heads, that Jeremy was going to see Luke providing instead of him.

"Is it ok?" Luke sounded nervous now and it just made Jess feel even worse. "If it's not, I don't have to give it to him. I already paid Gypsy for it, but I can sell it or something if you don't want him to have it."

Jess laughed humorlessly. "Wow, then I would be an even shittier parent, wouldn't I?"

"Jess, I wasn't trying to upstage you. I just thought it's something he needs and something I could get him-"

"It's fine, Luke. I get it. It's fine with me if you give Jeremy a car. He'll love it. And, you're right, he probably should have one. I don't need to see the car. I trust that you picked out something appropriate." Jess took a deep breath. "I'm sorry for freaking out. It's just hard sometimes watching you do stuff for him that I can't."

"Hey, I know! I can sell you the car for a dollar and you can give it to Jeremy. It can be _your_ present to him. How about that?"

Jess leveled a hard stare at his uncle. "Stop. I would never do that, take credit for your gift. He'll love it. He'll love that it came from you. It's fine."

"Ok. If you're sure."

"And, thank you for running this by me beforehand. You should listen to your wife more often."

Luke smiled at that, as Jess knew he would. "I love this, you know. Seeing you and Lorelai getting along like you have been. This makes me really happy, nephew."

"I know it does." Jess nodded, small smile on his face. "Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to run upstairs and give Jeremy these tickets and have him call Liz and Lorelai to invite them." Jess headed for the stairs feeling tired and less like a hero for being able to procure two free graduation tickets, which didn't seem like all that much up against a car. He worked on cultivating his happy energy while he climbed the stairs, wanting to hit Jeremy with full on enthusiasm.

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On Sunday morning, Jess walked downstairs into the diner to find April seated at the counter in front of a plate of bacon and eggs, talking to Luke, who was standing behind the counter grinning happily. "-and, I was like, fine, if you think that's not going to produce a combustible chemical reaction, good luck holding onto your eyebrows!" Luke laughed loudly and April grinned.

Luke spotted him. "Hey, Jess! Look who's home!" Luke called to him.

"Shit!" Jess hadn't known April was going to come home this weekend. This left them one ticket short, again.

April turned toward him with a smirk. "Well, hey, it's nice to see you, too, Jess. When I boarded the bus in Boston in the wee hours of the morning, I was only dreaming of such a warm welcome from my cousin."

Jess winced. "Sorry." He walked up to April and gave her a quick hug, while she remained seated on her stool. "It's good to see you, April. I just didn't know you were coming. I would have gotten you a ticket to Jeremy's graduation ceremony if I had known you were going to be in town."

The girl shrugged. "Don't worry about it. I'm here for the party afterward. And, no one knew I was coming except Lorelai. I decided kind of last minute and then I figured I'd surprise you and Dad."

"Well, you definitely surprised me." Luke said, smiling warmly at his daughter. "Having you come home is always my favorite surprise."

"I know." April smiled back at her father. "You're pretty easy like that."

Luke smiled. "There's nothing better than having all your kids and grandkids and nieces and nephews all in the same place at the same time. Trust me on that."

April turned back to Jess. "And, don't worry about the graduation. I already talked to Aunt Liz and Rory. Me and Doula are going to hang out with Leelee at Chez Gilmore while you guys go to the ceremony. We'll have fun."

"April, it's ten a.m. How have you already gotten here from Boston and made babysitting plans with Liz and Rory?"

"She takes after me with her morning habits." Luke explained. "You take after Liz with yours." Jess watched Luke and April share a laugh at his expense.

"Then we'll see you guys afterward at Jeremy's graduation party." April said cheerfully. "I'm allowed to come to that, right?" The girl smirked at Jess.

"I suppose so." Jess said. "We can set up a kids table somewhere far away on the lawn for you and Doula and Leelee."

April laughed. "You're such a jerk."

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Jess had paused in front of Jeremy's open doorway, leaning against one side of the door jamb, watching his son button up his dress shirt, put on his shoes and fix his hair. Jess had started feeling emotional as he was going to bed the night before, and watching Jeremy transform into someone so dressed up and grown-up looking wasn't helping. His only child was graduating high school. As much as it had gone against his instincts to let a kid as smart and motivated as Jeremy settle for community college, Jess had to admit that he was glad this wasn't the start of a three month countdown to Jeremy leaving home for college. He couldn't imagine how much harder today would be hitting him if it was. He already had the distinct and ridiculous feeling that he was going to shed a tear or two before the day was done. He idly wondered whether Luke had cried at April's graduation, then felt a surge of regret that he had taken one of these days away from Luke by not graduating himself. Maybe he would walk when he graduated from WCC and invite Luke to that. It wouldn't be the same, but it would be something.

"You look so grown-up." It was out of Jess's mouth, corny as could be, before Jess could stop himself.

Jeremy looked at him and laughed. The boy looked uncomfortable. "Yeah? I just feel awkward, like my shirt and pants are too…...stiff or something."

"You don't look awkward." Jess said. "You look good. Very handsome."

The boy grinned. "Thanks. I get my handsome from my dad." Jeremy laughed at his own joke.

"So, you all set, here? We should probably head over to the school in about twenty minutes or so. Is there anything I can do for you?" Jess was aiming for subtle, not wanting to be intrusive in his desire to be invited in.

Jeremy nodded. "I think I'm good." The boy looked down at Winston who was laying on the floor by his feet. "We can bring Winston to Luke and Lorelai's after the ceremony, right? I don't want him to be alone too long and I think he'd like to see everybody, too."

"Yeah, sure. We'll come grab him before we head to Luke's." Jess watched Jeremy make some last minute adjustments to his hair as he looked at his reflection in the mirror above his dresser.

It didn't seem right that Jess had only got to have Jeremy as a kid for such a short time. He felt a sudden, bone-deep grief that he hadn't met Jeremy earlier in life, become his dad sooner, rescued Jeremy from loneliness and given his own life a real purpose. "I love you so much, Jeremy. And, I'm so proud of you." Jess knew the sentiments sounded generic, the same thing every parent of a Stars Hollow graduating senior was telling their child right now, but he couldn't find words for the rest, knew he'd tear up if it tried to express how he was feeling right now. How much he loved Jeremy and was so grateful to have him in his life. How it felt impossible to not mourn the fact that he never got to know his son as a little boy. The grief of watching the kid's adolescence coming to an end so quickly after he had come into his life. The realization that being Jeremy's dad made him simultaneously more open to the idea of children in his future and also terrified to ever let himself get this attached to anyone again, when he could already see and feel how much it was going to tear his heart out when Jeremy was ready to leave home for good. The feeling that he wasn't sure he was masochistic enough to be able to put himself through this again. Jess needed to pull himself out of his thoughts. He couldn't let himself break down this early in the day. That would be for later after he'd had a couple of beers at Luke's and he had some time alone. It wasn't for now.

"Thanks, Dad. I love you, too." Jeremy grinned at him. Jess watched the boy reach for the tie on the dresser and hold it in both hands in front of him, looking down at it thoughtfully. Jeremy spoke without looking up. "I'm pretty sure I know how to do this myself, but if you really want to help me, you can."

Jess barked out a short laugh and was in instant motion, pulling himself away from the door jamb, closing the distance between them, taking the proffered tie from his son and positioning himself behind the boy. "I thought you'd never ask!"

"How could I not?" Jeremy smiled. "You were kind of watching me with the same sad eyes that Winston always gives me when I leave the house without him."

Jess chuckled as he looped the tie around the back of Jeremy's neck, letting it rest there a moment as he moved his hands to Jeremy's shoulders, meeting the boy's eye in the mirror with a mischievous grin. "I knew I would wear you down eventually, kid."

Jeremy laughed as Jess went to work on the tie. "You could have said something, you know."

Jess smiled and shrugged. "I could have, but it's always nice to be asked."

Jeremy huffed out another laugh. It wasn't exactly the poignant father son moment Jess had envisioned and built up in his head, but it was real and it was his and that felt good enough.

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Jess was leaning forward eagerly in his folding chair listening for Jeremy's name. Merton had just called some kid named Lowell, so he knew they had to be close. Then Merton called out Jeremy Mariano and Jess felt an overwhelming swell of pride and love as he watched his son cross the stage, his maroon gown billowing out around his knees as he walked, nervous smile on his face as he accepted his diploma and shook the principal's hand. Jess felt his eyes dampening slightly as he clapped. He watched Jeremy smile toward the audience and move his tassel to the other side of his cap. Jess could sense Luke taking a photo beside him, heard Lorelai whistling further down the row, but his world had narrowed down to the boy in the graduation cap who was smiling shyly as he walked off the stage. Jess knew he couldn't take credit for making or even raising his son the way most parents in the audience could. He couldn't even attribute any of Jeremy's accomplishment to his own influence since the kid had been doing well in school long before Jess had come into his life. Instead, the thought that took over Jess's whole brain was the amazement that this kid was his and the gratitude at having been lucky enough to have been given such a gift. He wiped at one eye. He felt the weight of Luke's hand land comfortingly on his thigh, but kept his gaze fixed in the other direction, having chosen the privacy of the end seat for a reason. He took another quick swipe at his eyes and did his best to blink away the wetness. He heard TJ, in a voice that Jess knew the man believed to be a whisper, announce that, shit, Lizzie, Jess was crying, followed by Rory giggling softly and a sympathetic sounding 'aw, sweetie' from Liz, before Lorelai shushed all of them. He felt an affectionate pat on his thigh before Luke removed his hand. Jess took a deep breath and purposely pushed his attention back to the stage. And, just like that, the moment was gone. High school was over. His kid was really an adult.

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Jeremy stepped out of the back door of Luke and Lorelai's house with Winston and found his dad sitting on the porch step, holding a small paper plate of cake in one hand and a fork in the other, a beer bottle standing up on the porch next to him. Jeremy could tell that Jess was embarrassed as he looked up to meet Jeremy's eye, hastily swallowing the bite in his mouth. "Hey, guys."

"Hey, Dad." Jeremy smiled as he walked across the porch and sat down beside Jess, holding the very end of the leash, to give Winston room to explore. The dog approached Jess, first, wagging his tail while Jess pet his head, before turning his attention to sniffing the grass.

Jess smiled at Jeremy. "If you came out here to check on your new car, it's still here."

"I see that. I still can't believe they actually bought me a car. That was so generous of them." Jeremy looked over at the old grey Camry parked in the driveway. It was old, but it was in good shape, and Luke had told him he had had it checked out at Gypsy's and that everything was in good working order. Jeremy still wasn't over the shock of Luke and Lorelai presenting him with a car when he and Jess had arrived at the house after the ceremony. Jeremy had been overwhelmed at the gift. He loved the idea of having a car for college, had even started wondering if he would be able to afford to buy one himself, but what he loved much more, was the idea that he had family who loved him enough to buy one for him. A car was huge. He felt the same warm rush of emotion in his chest, gratitude that this was his life now, that he had felt when they had given him the gift.

"Well, they do seem to like you a heck of a lot."

"Yeah, they do. It's pretty great." Jeremy smiled as he turned back to his dad. "We didn't come out here to see the car. We were looking for you. Or I was, anyway, I think Winston just needed to pee. We were wondering where you went."

"Sorry to disappear on you. I just needed a minute. It's a tough day when you realize your kid's gone from an almost adult to a real adult." Jess huffed out a laugh, looked down at the half-eaten piece of cake he was still holding before laying his fork across the plate and turning away to set it on the stair next to him. "It's probably weird to catch me out here with a second piece of cake, since I usually don't eat that kind of stuff at all-"

Jeremy started laughing.

"What's so funny?" Jess raised one eyebrow at his son.

"Jess, I've lived with you for almost a year now!"

"Yeah, and you're point?"

"I know that you're a…" Jeremy lowered his voice to a whisper, looking over his shoulder dramatically for effect, then back at Jess. "Secret junk food eater."

"I am not! What are you talking about?"

Jeremy smiled. "Like, back in Philadelphia, you had junk food hidden in all these secret places. And, you only ate it when you thought I was asleep. And, I know that you, how should I say this, um, eat your feelings when you're stressed." Jeremy cracked himself up.

Jess smirked at the boy. "Hey, son, have I ever told you how adorable you are when you think you're too old to be spanked?"

Jeremy kept laughing, but felt his face warming with embarrassment at the same time. Jess must have noticed. "Sorry. There's something about watching my kid graduate high school that gave me the urge to make a lame dad joke."

Jeremy laughed so hard he could barely get the next sentence out. "Uh, I hate to break it to you, but you make lame dad jokes all the time!"

Jess feigned disapproval. "Wow, you really do need that beating, huh?"

Jeremy's laughter increased before trailing off, leaving them sitting in companionable silence for a moment, watching Winston sniff the grass and finally choose a spot to relieve himself.

"Hey, Jeremy?"

"Hey, Jess."

Jess smiled. "Did I give you a good enough last year of childhood?"

"What?" Jeremy frowned, caught off guard.

"I just, I know it's been a rough year. That a lot of things haven't gone well, or the way I wanted them to go for you this year and I just wanted to say that I'm sorry about that. I've been sitting out here thinking about what you've been through this year, and I just want you to know that I have so much respect for you, for still putting so much into school and for being this amazingly kind and thoughtful person regardless of everything that's happened. You never feel sorry for yourself. You hardly ever complain. I'm just so proud of you for everything you've accomplished this year, for everything you are. I want you to know that. And, I'm sorry things didn't go better this year."

Jeremy was dumbstruck. He turned to watch Jess, thinking the man must be kidding, but his father was wearing a serious expression. Jeremy could see real emotion there, real regret, and some guilt. Jeremy spoke slowly, hesitantly, a small frown on his face. "Jess, this has been the best year of my life. Do you honestly not know that?"

Jess gave him a sad smile. "I'm glad to hear that. But, I guess I was just thinking about everything that kind of went sideways this year. Like having to leave your first girlfriend. I know how hard that is, especially at your age, when you're in love for the first time. And, you handled it so well. You never really complained. You were really mature about it."

"That sucked, definitely." Jeremy said. "I mean, I wanted to get to be with Melissa for longer. But, I wanted to be with you more."

Jess gave him a warm smile, but Jeremy could still see the apology in the man's eyes. He didn't like it.

"And, I've been thinking about the fire. How you lost everything from your past so soon after coming to live with me. I still feel terrible about that. It was so hard for me to lose my own stuff. I know it had to have been hard on you, too."

Jeremy was watching Jess. "Yeah, it was hard. But, the only thing I had that really mattered was the picture of my mom. And, you got me another copy."

"And, I know you were really looking forward to playing baseball, and I still feel awful that I played a role in you getting hurt and ending your season so early. I wish you had gotten to play more. I wish I had gotten to watch you play more."

Jeremy shrugged. "It sucked that I couldn't play, but I got to go to the games with Luke. That was really…...special to me, too. I've never had something like that before, with someone who cared about me. I can probably find an intramural team next year, but I might never have what I had with Luke again."

Jess nodded, taking this in. "Jeremy, was I a complete asshole for going to the prom when you didn't?" Jeremy could see the concern on his father's face.

"What? No! It was fine. I told you that a million times. I had a good night hanging out with Luke and Winston. I was fine."

"I feel like I wasn't thinking straight about that, that I didn't make the right choice. I should have talked to Mallory, put off our date until our dinner this week. I can picture this being something you tell your therapist, later in life, when you're telling her about how your father messed you up. I hate that that's going to be the incident that sums up what kind of father I was."

Jeremy huffed out a breath, something between a soft laugh and a sigh. "It's not. It was fine, Jess. Really. I don't want you beating yourself up over that, or anything else." Jeremy paused to collect his thoughts. "This year, with you…..having a dad. Being adopted. Having a whole family of aunts and uncles and grandparents and cousins." Jeremy could feel himself getting emotional. "This is more than I ever really thought I would get to have. Especially these last few years when I was getting older and living in the group homes. Having people to love, who love me back, is the best thing-. I just…...what I need you to get is that, even when bad things happen to me, or when stuff is hard, I'm so grateful, so, so grateful, that I have you, or Luke, or someone to help me or to just be with me if it's not something you guys can help me with. To just be with me and listen to me and make me feel like someone loves me and cares about me. It was so horrible going through everything on my own for so long. The small, bad things felt worse, because I had no support and no one to care about how I felt. Now, with you, with a forever family, even the bigger things don't feel as bad because I have you. I want you to really understand that, Dad. This has been the best year of my life. And, it's all because of you, and I love you so much." Jeremy felt the prickling behind his eyes that usually foreshadowed tears. "If I had to choose between having you in my life and losing everything I own and never getting to play baseball again, I would still pick you, every time."

Jeremy saw the wetness in Jess's eyes and let himself be easily pulled into a hug when the man reached for him. He took a deep breath against Jess's shoulder, knowing he was on the verge of crying, too. He felt Jess's lips on the top of his head, the words whispered against his hair. "I love you so much, Jeremy."

"I know you do. I love you, too. And, I've had the best year of my life being your son." They pulled back from the hug. Jeremy watched Jess quickly wipe at one eye.

"Hey, Dad?"

"Hey, Jeremy." Jess's voice was thick with emotion.

Jeremy smiled. "Now, that I'm eighteen and I've graduated high school and I'm a real adult and everything, am I allowed to tell you how clueless you can be sometimes?"

Jeremy listened to Jess bark out a surprised laugh. "I would say no, but I guess you just did."

-The End-

Update: The first chapter of a sequel has now been posted called A Hard Knock Life II that will follow Jeremy to college and check in on how he's dealing with Jess dating, among other things.


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